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  • How To Increase Love In A Relationship: 11 Tips From A Therapist

    How To Increase Love In A Relationship: 11 Tips From A Therapist

    When I recently met a friend for drinks, something seemed off. It was the first time I had met her since her wedding two years ago, and I expected her to chew my ear off with updates about the new chapter in her life. Instead, she seemed disenchanted with marriage. Concerned, I prodded her to share her woes. And she said, “I wish I knew how to increase love in a relationship because, at this point, I don’t know what else could save us.

    “We’re at this eerie place in our relationship, where nothing really is wrong and yet everything seems wrong. There are no glaring issues but there is no happiness either.” I instantly understood what she meant. If you have been in a long-term relationship, perhaps, you can too. It’s not easy figuring out how to develop a relationship into its healthiest, most robust form. Like my friend, I, too, have struggled with feeling a sense of void a couple of years into my marriage and understanding how to keep a relationship exciting and healthy at the same time.

    However, over a decade of navigating the ups and downs, I believe I have a better sense of what it takes to build stronger relationships. So, I decided to tap into my experiences as well as consult with counseling psychologist Dhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), who specializes in relationship, breakup, and LGBTQ counseling to lay out tips for a good relationship for those, who, like my friend, wonder what it takes to fortify their bond with their partners.

    What Is Love In A Relationship?

    Before we look at how to increase love in a relationship, it’s vital to make sure we’re on the same page about what love in a relationship is. Now, this may seem unnecessary because everyone knows what love is, right? It’s the most talked about, eulogized emotion of all. But you will be surprised to learn how many people — I was one of them and perhaps, you are too — don’t quite understand what romantic love really is.

    We equate love with the feelings of intense attraction that trigger longing, a need for physical closeness, and an idealization of the object of our endearment. However, these feelings more aptly describe infatuation and passionate love, not the enduring romantic love you need to stick together for the long haul.

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    Dhriti says, “Love is not just an emotion, it is a delicate balance of chemicals in the brain and a basic biological need, like hunger and thirst. In a relationship, we experience eros or romantic love, which is characterized by feelings of safety, connection, belongingness, intimacy, passion, and commitment.” Dhriti refers to the American Social psychologist Zick Rubin’s empirical measure of love, and says romantic love constitutes,

    • Attachment: A need and desire to be with another person
    • Caring: Valuing their well-being and happiness as much as your own
    • Intimacy: Both physical and emotional

    I hope that gives you a more nuanced perspective of the connection between enduring love and relationship health. For me, the best way to describe love in a relationship is that love is a verb, not an adjective. It is the act of,

    • Choosing your partner every day
    • Deciding to honor your commitment to your partner
    • Being vulnerable with your partner
    • Being willing to forgive
    • Showing affection and care
    • Making compromises
    • Reciprocating gestures of love and kindness
    • Offering your partner a safe space to express themselves

    Related Reading: 10 Explanations To Sum Up What Love Means In A Relationship

    11 Therapist-Backed Tips On How To Increase Love In A Relationship

    When my friend talked about her struggles with figuring out how to increase love in a relationship, I was reminded of a phase in my marriage where I felt a similar loss of direction. While there were no red flags or obvious issues, both my spouse and I wrestled with a sense of discontentment and failed to understand what we could do to strengthen the relationship.

    With introspection and lots and lots of late-night conversation, we figured out that it was because we had stopped doing the things we did in the early days of our relationship. The seal of marriage made us complacent and that stagnated the relationship growth. To break free from this phase of discontentment, we decided to go back to the basics. Once we identified the things to work on in a relationship to make each other feel loved, appreciated, valued, and wanted, there was no looking back.

    That, in my experience, is the secret to building stronger, better relationships. Dhriti agrees, and shares with us some actionable tips for a good relationship, based on the Gottman approach to couples therapy:

    Related Reading: What Does True Love In A Relationship Look Like?

    1. Build friendship

    Love and relationships are often considered two sides of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other. However, I feel that a crucial secret ingredient for building stronger relationships is friendship. That’s because love ebbs and flows but friendship offers you a solid foundation to build a relationship rooted in respect, care, and affection. I believe that my marriage was able to weather many a rough storm because I married my best friend, and that connection kept us going even when the love and romance weren’t at their strongest.

    On the role of friendship in building stronger relationships, Dhriti says, “Focus on building a friendship within your relationship. The intensity of the love you feel for each other won’t stay the same. When the fresh feeling of being in love fades, it’s the comfort that partners have with each other that keeps their relationship strong.”

    2. Spend quality time together

    Don’t let complacency take hold in your relationship

    One of the most crucial things to work on in a relationship is keeping your connection strong and that can only happen if you carve out time to engage with each other. Dhriti says, “Quality time, which includes a couple doing things together that they both enjoy, is extremely important. You must set aside time for activities that involve just the two of you, like date nights.”

    Often when couples say that they have drifted apart or feel like roommates and not romantic partners, it is because somewhere along the way, complacency in the relationship replaced consistent effort to connect. So, if you want to know how to show effort in a relationship,

    • Plan regular date nights (don’t let the onus fall on your partner entirely)
    • Take some time every day to just talk to your partner
    • Plan short getaways every couple of months
    • Use weekends to spend as much time with each other as possible
    • Look for activities you can bond over — it can be anything from playing games to going on hikes, signing up for a hobby class, or volunteering

    Related Reading: How To Use Words Of Affirmation As A Love Language?

    3. Encourage each other

    What is the point of being in a relationship if your partner isn’t your biggest cheerleader and support system, and you, theirs? So, if you want to know how to increase love in a relationship, start by encouraging your partner to chase their goals, dreams, and aspirations. Using words that instill hope and let your partner know that you have faith in them goes a long way in fortifying your connection.

    So, the next time your partner shares that they are concerned or stressed about an important meeting with their boss or a crucial job interview, resist the urge to offer advice on how they can handle the situation better. Even though you have their best interests at heart, the subtext is that you don’t have confidence in your partner’s ability to handle the situation well on their own.

    Instead, encourage them with statements like, “I have seen how well you handle yourself under pressure. There is no reason for you to be worried. You’ve got this.” Kind words said at the right time can be the key to improving relationships.

    4. Nurture laughter

    Steps to a healthy relationship don’t involve life-altering changes or grand gestures. Instead, the secret to building better relationships lies in the little things like nurturing laughter and silliness. Dhriti says, “Couples who laugh together feel better connected and associate pleasant feelings with the presence of each other. So, set aside time each day to share stories about your day.” In addition to that, do what you can to keep the relationship vibe light and fun. Here are some things that work well for my husband and me:

    • Banter
    • Sharing memes
    • Retelling funny/embarrassing stories of the past
    • Playing with the dog

    Related Reading: How Our Relationship And Marriage Has Evolved Over Time

    5. Practice gratitude

    Speaking of the things to work on in a relationship, Dhriti emphasizes the importance of practicing gratitude, and says, “A partner taking the time to notice everything good the other does and verbally expressing gratitude and appreciation for it can contribute immensely toward improving relationships. The Gottman approach states that to sustain a healthy relationship, couples need five positive interactions to counter one negative interaction.”

    Resentment in a relationship can become a huge impediment to building stronger relationships. And resentment is nothing but an accumulation of indignations and anger over unmet needs and perceived slights. The best way to counter it — and in turn, move a step closer to understanding how to increase love in a relationship — is with appreciation and gratitude. So, make it a habit to,

    • Say thank you often
    • Be vocal about the things you admire in your partner
    • Praise and raise your partner up in public, instead of pulling them down with snide remarks and sarcasm
    • Inculcate activities like telling your partner the things that make you grateful about having them in your life
    Infographic On How To Increase Love In A Relationship
    11 Therapist-Backed Tips On How To Increase Love In A Relationship

    6. Prioritize intimacy

    How to increase love in a relationship, you wonder? Or how to feel loved in a relationship and make your partner feel loved? You cannot discount the role of different forms of intimacy in the relationship. If you want to strengthen the relationship with your significant other, you must make a conscious effort to foster different forms of intimacy in the relationship, including but not limited to,

    • Sexual intimacy: I’ve noticed that sexual dry spells tend to make me and my spouse snippier toward each other. When I brought this up during a girls’ night out, my girlfriends reported experiencing the same in their relationship. It’s no wonder that sex is believed to be a strong bonding force in intimate romantic relationships. You must find a way to prioritize it, despite hectic schedules, responsibilities, and other overbearing aspects of life
    • Physical intimacy: You also need non-sexual physical intimacy to strengthen the relationship and feel more connected to your partner. This includes kisses, hugs, holding hands, cuddling
    • Emotional intimacy: Sexual and physical intimacy cannot work their magic in improving relationships in the absence of emotional intimacy. Make the quality time in your relationship count by using it to connect on a deeper level and be vulnerable with each other
    • Intellectual intimacy: A relationship can begin to feel boring and stagnant if you and your partner cannot stimulate each other intellectually. Find avenues where you and your partner can engage in intellectually stirring conversations, be it debating the day’s news stories, discussing books, or learning new things together

    Related Reading: 11 Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships

    7. Communicate, communicate, communicate

    One of the most crucial things to work on in a relationship is the quality of your communication. In the absence of healthy communication, you cannot make headway in your quest to understand how to increase love in a relationship. After all, if every conversation paves the way for misunderstandings, arguments, and bickering, thoughts about how to develop a relationship into its most robust form take a backseat.

    Instead, resentment, contempt, and criticism gain a stronghold, driving partners apart. That’s why you must prioritize healthy, respectful communication in the relationship. Here are some tips that can help communicate better:

    • Process your feelings before you communicate them
    • Don’t use the silent treatment or stonewalling to convey your displeasure
    • Choose an appropriate time and setting to communicate with your partner
    • Don’t make assumptions
    • Don’t talk over each other or cut each other off mid-sentence
    • Talk about anything and everything under the sun, from the silliest to the most serious topics
    Stories about love and romance

    8. Practice active listening

    This one is essentially an extension of good communication but deserves a separate mention given its role in building better relationships: practice active listening. Dhriti says, “When having difficult conversations, take turns speaking, focus more on conveying how you feel rather than casting blame on your partner.”

    The role of active listening in strengthening love and relationships is not limited to having difficult conversations alone. It can be a great catalyst in making partners feel more connected, heard, and acknowledged even in everyday conversations. You can practice active listening by,

    • Maintaining eye contact with your partner when they tell you something
    • Facing and leaning toward them when they’re talking to you
    • Not appearing distracted by fidgeting with things or looking at your phone
    • Asking follow-up questions
    • Not interrupting them mid-sentence

    Related Reading: How To Stop The Cycle Of Fighting In A Relationship – 11 Expert-Recommended Tips

    9. Handle conflict like a team

    If I had to share one mantra on how to increase love in a relationship, it’d be this: learn to resolve conflict like a team (and this is where I’ve experienced that the element of friendship serves as one of the most enduring steps to a healthy relationship). Dhriti agrees, and says, “Approach conflict like you’re on the same team because you are. I like to tell my clients, “It’s both of you vs the problem, not you vs your partner”.”

    Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. Even if you and your partner are two peas in a pod, you will find something or the other disagree, argue, and fight about. What matters is how you work through and resolve that conflict. Here is what healthy conflict resolution entails,

    • No blame-game
    • No yelling, name-calling, or verbal abuse of any kind
    • Using “I” statements, like “I feel”, “What I need…”, “I expect” to put forth your perspective
    • Disengaging and taking space to process your emotions if something angers or upsets you

    10. Don’t sweep issues under the rug

    things to work on in a relationshipthings to work on in a relationship
    Ignoring a problem won’t make it go away

    As I said, conflict is inevitable in a relationship. It becomes a problem and impedes relationship growth only if partners don’t know how to handle conflict the right way and because of it, they keep sweeping issues under the rug. However, ignoring a problem won’t make it go away. Instead, all those bottled-up complaints, grouses, and laments will continue to pile on until you cannot bear the weight anymore and then explode all over your relationship.

    If you want to know how to increase love in a relationship, you need to start by tackling issues and problems head-on, as they arise. Dhriti says, “Repair attempts and building positive interactions are equally important. It’s not the fights that define a relationship, but how partners respond to conflict and how they recover from it.”

    Related Reading: 15 Signs Of Emotional Detachment In Your Relationship

    11. Don’t sweat the small stuff

    Love and relationships are a rare gift that not everyone is blessed with. When it comes your way, don’t take its value for granted while focusing on the minor slip-ups that will bear no consequence on your life some hours, days, or weeks later. This is a principle I’ve struggled to master but one that has stood me in good stead over the years.

    So, now if I’m bothered by minor irritants like an unanswered text or a bottle of water not refilled, I take a deep breath and ask myself, “Will this change my life in any way versus will my life change if my partner was not in it?” Of course, by that measure, almost everything seems inconsequential, so many would say it’s a false equivalent. But, for me, it has served as a great reminder of not sweating the small stuff, and that has, in turn, minimized conflict in my marriage.

    Key Pointers

    • Love in romantic relationships is a mix of attachment, care, and intimacy
    • Constantly working toward reinforcing love is essential for sustaining a relationship
    • Some ways to increase love for your partner include building a friendship, spending quality time together, practicing gratitude, fostering intimacy, communicating well, and not sweating the small stuff

    The love you feel for your partner is the biggest antidote to resentment, contempt, criticism, and conflict. Never take it for granted or put it on the back burner as you take on the responsibilities and challenges life throws your way. Love needs to be nurtured with consistent and mindful effort. We hope to have helped you in the pursuit with this comprehensive guide on how to increase love in a relationship.

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  • Flirt.com Review 2024: Comprehensive Guide To Features, Safety, And Flirt User Experience

    Flirt.com Review 2024: Comprehensive Guide To Features, Safety, And Flirt User Experience

    Explore the colorful world of online dating via Flirt.com, a vivid and novel twist on match-making services that allows people who are not looking for commitment or a serious relationship to find like-minded individuals to have a good time with. Created by Cupid plc, one of the most popular dating website owners, Flirt.com in the casual dating community. Here, we focus on every aspect of the service — from the great interface and security features to the other stuff which make Flirt.com really stand out in the crowd.

    Everything You Need To Know About Flirt.com — A Casual Dating Platform

    Flirt.com caters to people who seek the thrill of fleeting romantic connections with no emotional investment. It facilitated anonymous chats without the commitment of a long-term relationship and is focused entirely on one-time romantic encounters. 

    The prime differentiating factor that sets Flirt.com apart from the competition is its non-judgmental atmosphere that allows users to be expressive about their intentions. Here, people could be honest in disclosing their quest for fleeting relationships without the complexities that are common in conventional situations.

    Related Reading: No-Labels Relationship: Does A Relationship Without Labels Work?

    User Experience And Interface

    Flirt.com is powered by a modern interface that offers a neat and user-friendly design for the audience, allowing them to quickly navigate through the site and utilize their time building connections on the platform. The platform aims to be both accessible to users whether they are on desktop or mobile, eliminating any limitations of use. 

    Interface of Flirt.com

    Flirt.com Key Features

    Let’s take a look at the key features that make Flirt.com a favorite among those looking for fleeting romantic moments:

    1. User-friendly features

    With its simple signing up process, Flirt.com allows users to get browsing through dating profiles in a matter of minutes. Such swift configuration familiarizes new users to primary activities like chatting, without having to invest time in superfluous profile creation. 

    People can use basic filters and narrow their searches by employing advanced options based on their preferences. Profiles can be filtered based on age, location, and special preferences. Premium versions allow for more advanced filtering of profiles, making it that much easier to find like-minded matches.

    2. Dynamic interaction

    Users also get a wide range of tools to communicate with their matches. Free members can send winks and unlimited messaging is a privilege of premium users only. The app also offers pre-crafted messages that can be used to initiate conversations with multiple users at the same time. Then, there is Flirtcast, which is designed to help members develop more organic connections.

    Related Reading: 200+ Ideas For A Username For Dating Site — Set Yourself Apart

    3. Usability

    Another advantage of flirt.com is its diversified palette and clear interface. It is designed with easy-to-read text menus and buttons labeled distinctively to make navigation around the site effortless. The platform also offers tools that facilitate enjoyable user interactions. 

    The site is well equipped with tools for communication like private messaging and public chat rooms that are used to engage with the members. It also has safety measures in place to keep the environment secure and trustworthy for its users.

    Flirt Subscription, Free Features, And Services

    Flirt Subscription, Free Features, and Services

    Flirt.com has both free and premium versions. The provider works on the freemium principle, meaning that it enables potential users to register and deal with basic tools free of charge; however, subscription is required to get premium tools. To be able to decide whether a free or paid membership would be more appropriate for you, take a look at what each of these entail:

    Feature Free Membership Premium
    Profile Creation Yes Yes
    Basic Search Yes Yes
    Advanced Search No Yes
    Send Winks Yes Yes
    Unlimited Messaging No Yes
    View Full Profiles No Yes
    Share Photos and Videos No Yes

    Value And Rates

    Cost is by far the most significant factor for the majority of online dating users when choosing a website. Flirt.com offers diverse pricing plans, along with free trials, allowing users to choose one that best aligns with their budget and dating needs. These include:

    • Free Membership: Free with limited features is available, a quick way for potential users to take their first step.
    • Premium Membership: These monthly, quarterly, and annual plans come in three different packages and give full access to essential features such as unlimited messaging, advanced search options, and video chat. The longer the length of the subscription, the more cost-effective it proves to be.

    Related Reading: Looking For The Perfect Headline For Dating Site? 200+ Ideas

    Communication Tools 

    Flirt.com offers several tools designed to make online dating dynamic and engaging:

    1. Direct messaging: A major feature of dating services is interaction through private messages that offers users a safe space to connect. Flirt.com delivers well on this count, offering premium users unlimited messages
    2. Chat rooms: This is a stand-out feature of this dating platform, as it allows users to connect with several potential matches at the same time 
    3. Video chat: For those who seek a more personalized relationship, the video chat function offers face-to-face interactions

    The platform caters to diverse communication styles and approaches thus ensuring a high level of activity and involvement and preventing attrition of the user base, since they. 

    Stories about flirting

    Safety And Security Of Online Dating In Flirt

    Security is a major concern in the online dating community, and Flirt.com recognizes the validity of this concern. It has implemented several measures to protect its users:

    • Profile verification: Email verification minimizes the risk of fake accounts 
    • SSL Encryption: SSL encryption is provided on site to cover all personal data. Therefore, communication and personal information are secured from anyone except for the data owner
    • Moderation and support: Flirt.com employs a staff of moderators who ensure that community members abide by site rules. The support option not only helps in making the environment safer but also improves the user experience through different channels. The platform has comprehensive FAQ sections, direct support options through emails, and chat features available for immediate problems. 

    Related Reading: 13 Major Disadvantages Of Online Dating

    User base and demographics

    Understanding the demographics of Flirt.com helps illustrate the platform’s widespread appeal:

    • Diverse user demographic: The site has users of all age groups, right from people in their teens and twenties to those who are dating in their 50s
    • Global Reach: Flirt.com not only boasts of a wide user base in the US but is also popular across Europe and other parts of the world. This diversity helps to create a rich, culturally vibrant cyber-space 
    User base and demographics

    Flirt.com Review And Success Stories

    Real user experiences offer the best insight into a platform’s quality. To that end, Flirt.com has gathered a number of testimonials from its users, who claim to have got a lot of casual partners and even success in long-term relationships through this site. A huge number of users consider the website to be user-friendly with an adequate quantity of communication instruments.  

    It is important to note that even though Flirt.com mainly caters to the individuals interested in casual dates, there are multiple examples of people finding more meaningful connections through this site. 

    Effectiveness And Engagement In 2024

    Flirt.com is designed to be engaging, with features that encourage active participation. Features like Flirtcasts, bot, and video chat keep users keen and engaged enjoying their dating experience and interaction. The use of an algorithm that analyzes user behavior and preferences to suggest possible matches is this platform’s USP. 

    Related Reading: 20 Valuable Tips For A First Date After Meeting Online

    Is Flirt.com A Good Dating Site?

    Flirt.com stands out among the many casual dating sites owing to its navigation interface, diverse interaction tools, and safety and security protocols. It provides an appropriate network of users who are looking for no-commitment relationships but still would want the excitement and the pleasure of dating.

    The site is one of the best places to look for fun and casual relationships, as it offers a large user base that often is not prejudiced against these types of relationships.

    Users looking for different experiences or features not prioritized by Flirt.com, have a lot of other options to choose from. There are sites like eHarmony and Match.com that predominate more longer-term marriages and high compatibility. And ones like Bumble, where the relationship format is dynamic.

    To sum up Flirt.com offers a powerful tool for all those people who are looking for quick flings. The platform’s guarantee to promote an intuitive interface, built-in effective communication tools and strong privacy protection policy make it an interesting option for those who want to keep their online dating encounters casual.

    Rating of flirt.comRating of flirt.com

    FAQs

    1: How do I sign up for Flirt.com?

    It is quite easy to sign up for the app. Start by going to the registration page, enter your age, location, and email, and then wait for a verification email to activate your profile. The process is designed to not be long or complicated, you can start looking for potential matches within minutes

    2: Do you know what security measures are in the place of Flirt.com?

    The website utilizes SSL encryption to provide security of your personal data, and all the new users are verified through email in order to minimize the amount of fake profiles. Besides, there is a distinctive moderation and filtering which attempts to create a secure dating platform

    3: Can you use flirt.com without paying?

    Flirt.com offers free memberships, using which you can create a profile, find a match and send a wink. However, a premium membership is required to use full-range of services such as unlimited messaging, video , and advanced search functions

    4: How does Flirt.com warranty for the credibility of its users?

    Flirt.com takes stringent measures to assure users’ authenticity during registration. For instance, the email address is verified mandatorily and the moderation team carries out periodical checks of the profiles. This reduces the number of fake profiles in the database

    5: Does Flirt.com work on mobile apps?

    Yes, the website of the company Flirt.com delivers a mobile app that can be easily installed on Android and iOS operating systems. The app comes with all the functions of the web version

    6: How would I cancel my subscription to Flirt.com and what are the options?

    Cancellation is instant. You can discontinue using this app at any time through your account settings or by simply contacting customer support

    7: What’s the best way to respond if I see a shady profile on Flirt.com dating site?

    If you see a sketchy profile or if someone behaves inappropriately, you should report it to Flirt.com’s customer service at once. Security features like investigation and appropriate measures like profile removal are aspects of the platform. These are aimed at creating a safe environment for online dating

    8: Will I be able to look up a singular user or group of users on Flirt.com?

    Premium members have access to advanced filters that allow them to sort through the user base based on their preferences. This enables you to adjust your search outcome and increases the chance to find someone you have more in common with.

    Contributing Author

    Ruby Gardner – Women’s Dating Expert – is a renowned relationship specialist and expert in women’s dating. With a strong educational background in psychology and human relationships, Ruby completed her studies at the prestigious University of California, Berkeley. Her passion for understanding the complexities of human connections led her to specialize in relationship counseling, with a focus on women’s dating experiences.

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  • Am I in a Situationship? Quiz

    Am I in a Situationship? Quiz

    You act like a couple but you’re unsure whether you can give it that label? This “Am I In A Situationship Quiz” is here to the rescue! Created by a relationship counselor with a Master’s degree in psychology and extensive experience figuring out the complexities of modern love, this quiz delves into the murky waters of the situationship.

    Ever questioned the difference between a situationship vs relationship or wondered “are we more than friends?” Earlier, the choice was between friendship and romance and there was no in-between. It was also a given that every romantic relationship is exclusive. Things are far more complicated now leaving many of us confused. A situationship can feel like a confusing mix of a casual relationship and an undefined relationship. Are you experiencing dating confusion and wondering if your connection is built for the long haul, or simply a temporary fling?

    Related Quiz: Am I In a healthy relationship? Quiz

    This quiz isn’t about judgment – it’s about understanding. Let’s explore your situation through these 10 questions and help you figure out what’s going on.

    Questions

    1. How would you describe your current relationship status?

    1. Official and committed
    2. Just hanging out
    3. It’s complicated

    2. How often do you communicate with your partner?

    1. Regularly
    2. It changes from situation to situation
    3. We communicate irregularly

    3. Have you discussed defining the relationship with your partner?

    1. Yes, we both agreed
    2. Yes, but we didn’t reach a conclusion
    3. Not yet

    4. How do you spend your time together?

    1. Dates, quality time and meaningful activities
    2. We hang out casually
    3. We mostly hook up

    Related Quiz: Am I ready for a relationship? Quiz

    5. How do you feel about the future of your relationship?

    1. Optimistic
    2. Uncertain
    3. I haven’t thought about it

    6. Are you exclusive with your partner?

    1. Yes
    2. We haven’t discussed it
    3. No

    7. How does your partner introduce you to others?

    1. As their partner
    2. By my name, without specifying
    3. Sometimes as a friend, sometimes more

    8. How do you feel about the level of emotional intimacy in your relationship?

    1. I feel fully connected and supported
    2. It’s unclear
    3. Our relationship lacks emotional depth

    9. Have you met each other’s friends and family?

    1. Yes
    2. Only a few
    3. No

    10. How do you define your relationship status?

    1. Clearly defined
    2. It’s complicated
    3. Undefined

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  • How Online Nursing Degrees Influence Relationship Dynamics

    How Online Nursing Degrees Influence Relationship Dynamics

    Pursuing an accelerated BSN program impacts both the student and their loved ones. These online courses, rigorous and intensive, require a blend of time and emotional dedication. This mingling of professional goals and personal circumstances invites a complex challenge that might affect relationships positively or negatively.

    Striking A Balance Between Studying And Personal Life

    Imagine balancing exam preparations with helping your child with their homework or crafting a presentation while planning a family meal. Such instances are typical for students in online nursing programs who juggle educational obligations with family duties. Efficient time management becomes crucial. Establishing a specific and practical schedule aids in wisely splitting attention between academic and family needs. Clear communication also plays a vital role; sharing your scheduling constraints with family members sets a foundation for realistic expectations and necessary support.

    Finding this balance isn’t always instinctive; it often requires a conscious effort to prioritize and delegate. Students might need to relinquish some household responsibilities or social commitments to carve out sufficient study time. It’s a process of give and take where open dialogue with family members is essential to reaching sustainable equilibrium. By approaching this challenge as a team, families can grow closer and foster a supportive environment conducive to academic success. Success hinges on a wide range of factors, which include, 

    Related Reading: 9 Tips To Create A Balanced Relationship With Your SO

    1. The role of support systems in intensive learning

    For nursing students immersed in the fast-paced learning of this vast subject matter, partner support can be transformative. This support extends beyond emotional encouragement to practical help, like managing more home duties or ensuring quiet times for study. This kind of backing not only alleviates academic stress but also fortifies the relationship through a nurturing cycle of mutual respect and appreciation. Celebrating academic progress together can further strengthen family bonds, underscoring the shared investment in the student’s goals.

    Beyond the immediate family, extended family and friends can also offer invaluable support. They might provide childcare during intensive study periods, drop off meals, or simply lend a listening ear. This extended network can alleviate pressure on the immediate family unit, allowing the students to focus on their studies. Accepting this help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and can make the difference between burnout and success.

    2. Positive adaptations in family dynamics

    Engaging with an online nursing program often introduces new routines for the family, serving as a potential growth catalyst. Families might gain new insights into the demands of healthcare professions, increasing their respect for the field. Moreover, children who watch their parents diligently pursue further education learn the value of hard work and dedication. This dynamic, while challenging, creates an opportunity for enriching family development.

    Alongside these benefits, pursuing an online nursing degree can also introduce positive lifestyle changes for the entire family. As the student learns about health and wellness, they may implement healthier habits at home, like nutritious eating and regular exercise. These changes can have a ripple effect, improving the overall well-being of the family unit. Additionally, as family members take on new roles to support the student, they may discover new skills and interests, leading to personal growth.

    Related Reading: 23 Signs Of Emotional Invalidation In A Relationship

    3. Building cohort connections online

    Despite the possible isolation of online education, it presents unique ways to connect deeply with peers. Virtual study groups, forums, and regular video calls help foster a community atmosphere. Such connections provide crucial peer support in a challenging field like nursing. Engaging with peers who share the pressures of an accelerated BSN program can enhance both academic success and emotional well-being.

    These online interactions often translate into a strong professional network post-graduation. The bonds forged during intensive study periods can lead to job referrals, professional advice, and ongoing support throughout one’s nursing career. Moreover, these connections can provide a sense of belonging and validation, which is especially important in a challenging and emotionally demanding field like nursing.

    Related Reading: 10 Things That Make A Good Relationship – As Per An Expert

    4. Maintaining balance

    Keeping a healthy equilibrium between work, study, and personal life is like juggling numerous responsibilities simultaneously. Success lies in thoughtful planning and setting priorities. Students need to allocate time for personal care, pursuing hobbies, or relaxation methods to unwind. Utilizing university resources like counseling and mental health services is also advisable for effectively dealing with stress. In this challenging yet enriching journey, every effort made to maintain balance positively impacts the student and their relationships.

    An online nursing program can significantly reshape a professional trajectory and deepen personal relationships, making the complex journey worthwhile for many. Maintaining balance also involves setting boundaries. Students need to communicate their needs clearly, whether it’s uninterrupted study time or a night off from household duties. Family members, in turn, need to respect these boundaries. It’s a delicate dance that requires patience, understanding, and flexibility from all involved. When done right, it can lead to a stronger, more resilient family unit.

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  • Balancing Love And Learning: How Online Degrees Can Strengthen Relationships

    Balancing Love And Learning: How Online Degrees Can Strengthen Relationships

    In a fast-paced world, balancing personal relationships and educational goals can be tough. However, comprehensive online programs, such as those from Rockhurst University, help couples support each other’s career aspirations while also addressing potential mental health issues that may arise during the learning process. This blend of learning and partnership nurtures mutual respect and support and offers financial benefits to the family.

    Role Of Online Degrees In Strengthening Relationships

    In this day and age, you don’t necessarily have to step out of the comfort of your home to pursue your dreams. For those in committed, long-term relationships this can be a huge blessing. Here’s why:

    1. Flexibility in online learning

    One significant advantage of online education is flexibility. It allows learners to arrange their study time around family commitments. For example, in a family where one partner has demanding work hours, online programs allow the other partner to adjust their study schedule to manage family life effectively. Learning from home also means that couples, especially those with children, can share responsibilities, which strengthens family bonds.

    The asynchronous nature of online learning allows students to access course materials, lectures, and discussions at their convenience. This flexibility is particularly beneficial for couples juggling multiple responsibilities. By having the freedom to study during their most productive hours, whether early in the morning or late at night, students can ensure they dedicate quality time to both their education and their relationships. This adaptability reduces stress and potential conflicts that may arise from rigid schedules, fostering a more harmonious home environment.

    Related Reading: 15 Tips To Keep A Relationship Strong And Healthy

    2. Emotional and personal growth

    Online learning not only accelerates professional growth but also enhances personal development. Advancing one’s education through online courses at institutions like Rockhurst can improve emotional intelligence, benefiting relationship dynamics. Understanding and managing personal emotions contribute to healthier relationships. Besides, pursuing educational opportunities demonstrates a commitment to lifelong learning and adaptability, valuable traits in any relationship.

    Pursuing an online degree together can also be a bonding experience for couples. As they navigate the challenges and triumphs of their educational journey, partners can provide emotional support, encouragement, and motivation to each other. Celebrating milestones, such as completing a difficult course or achieving a high grade, can bring couples closer and create a sense of shared accomplishment. This mutual understanding and appreciation for each other’s efforts can deepen the emotional connection and strengthen the foundation of the relationship.

    Related Reading: 10 Signs You Have An Emotional Connection With Someone

    3. Supporting careers in nursing

    The nursing profession is often demanding, limiting personal time. Rockhurst University’s online nursing programs specifically cater to these challenges by providing flexible, considerate learning paths. This approach allows students to balance professional advancement with family needs, ensuring they remain engaged in their personal lives and maintain relationship harmony.

    Online nursing programs at Rockhurst University offer specialized resources and support services tailored to the unique needs of nursing professionals. These may include access to mentorship programs, networking opportunities, and career guidance. By leveraging these resources, nursing students can not only enhance their skills and knowledge but also find strategies to maintain a healthy work-life balance. This comprehensive support system empowers nurses to thrive in their careers while nurturing meaningful personal relationships.

    4. Advancing careers without sacrificing family time

    Often, people are forced to choose between career growth and family. Online degrees eliminate this dilemma through their inherent flexibility and convenience. They integrate seamlessly into personal lives, allowing students to study during a child’s naptime or after bedtime. This way, pursuing higher education doesn’t compromise family responsibilities.

    Moreover, online learning allows couples to save time and money that would otherwise be spent on commuting to a traditional campus. This extra time can be invested in quality family activities, such as family dinners, game nights, or weekend outings. By eliminating the need to be physically present in a classroom, online degrees enable students to be more present and engaged in their personal lives, strengthening the bonds with their loved ones. This balance between career advancement and family time is crucial for maintaining long-lasting, healthy relationships.

    5. Supportive educational communities

    Rockhurst University enhances its online programs with a strong support network. This academically and emotionally supportive environment helps students manage the balance between education and personal lives. The community offers counseling services, peer interactions, and a sense of belonging, providing relief when the workload becomes intense. This network fosters personal relationships through shared educational experiences and support.

    Related Reading: 5 Cute Ways To Improve And Strengthen Your Relationship

    Enhancing education through institutions like Rockhurst University not only advances professional careers but also enriches personal lives. For many, improving their educational status while nurturing personal relationships makes the journey enriching and fulfilling.

    In addition to the support provided by the educational institution, online learners can also benefit from the understanding and encouragement of their partners. When both individuals in a relationship recognize the importance of personal growth and educational pursuits, they are more likely to create a supportive home environment. This may involve taking on additional household responsibilities, providing emotional support during challenging periods, or simply offering words of encouragement. By fostering a supportive and understanding atmosphere at home, couples can thrive in their educational endeavors while strengthening their relationship.

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  • Should We Break Up? Quiz

    Should We Break Up? Quiz

    Every relationship encounters challenges, but sometimes, the cracks become too deep to ignore. It’s not easy to know when to keep trying and when the relationship is past the point of saving. This is where our relationship counselor comes in. She’s crafted this 10 question quiz that will help you reflect on your relationship and decide if you should end it.

    One telltale sign of a failing relationship is the constant feeling of feeling unloved. In a healthy relationship, you should not have to constantly wonder if your partner cares for you. This is just one of the many signs that perhaps your relationship is coming to an end.

    Related Quiz: Should I Breakup With My Boyfriend? Quiz

    Have you been plagued by thoughts like “should I stay or should I go relationship” or “is it time to break up”? Ignoring these questions can leave you feeling stuck and unsure of your next step. This “should we break up or take a break” quiz delves into common signs of a relationship falling apart, including communication breakdowns, lack of emotional connection, and persistent negativity.

    Take a deep breath and answer these questions as honestly as you can. This quiz can provide a clearer perspective and empower you to make an informed decision about your future happiness.

    Questions

    1. How do you feel about the future of your relationship?
    1. Optimistic
    2. Uncertain
    3. Pessimistic

    2. How often do you and your partner argue or disagree?

    1. Rarely
    2. Occasionally
    3. Frequently

    3. How satisfied are you with the level of communication in your relationship?

    1. Very satisfied
    2. Somewhat dissatisfied
    3. Dissatisfied

    4. Are you and your partner meeting each other’s emotional needs?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. No

    Related Quiz: Should I Breakup With my girlfriend? Quiz

    5. How do you feel about the level of intimacy in your relationship?

    1. Satisfied
    2. Neutral
    3. Dissatisfied

    6. Have you considered seeking couples therapy or counselling to improve your relationship?

    1. No, we work it out together
    2. We have considered it
    3. We have tried it out

    7. How do you feel about your partner’s behaviour and actions in the relationship?

    1. Generally positive
    2. Mixed feelings
    3. Negative feelings

    8. Are there unresolved issues or recurring problems in your relationship that haven’t been addressed?

    1. No
    2. We have some problems
    3. We have significant problems

    9. How do you envision your life without your partner?

    1. I can’t imagine my life without them
    2. I’m unsure
    3. I’ve considered it

    10. Have you discussed the possibility of breaking up with your partner?

    1. No
    2. We’ve mentioned it
    3. We have considered it

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  • How To Find Peace After Being Cheated On — 9 Tips From A Therapist

    How To Find Peace After Being Cheated On — 9 Tips From A Therapist

    Picture this: you’ve just found out that your husband cheated on you with his coworker while you were pregnant last year. And you’re down in the dumps, trying to salvage what remains of your relationship. You’re hurt and devastated. One moment you feel like forgiving your husband and making peace with the situation, while the next, you feel like cutting ties with him and teaching him a lesson for having an affair behind your back. It’s totally normal to feel clueless about what to do and how to find peace after being cheated on! 

    And you’ve come to the right place if you’re going through such turmoil. In this article, we will look at the effects of being cheated on and will find out how you can deal with this situation. Relationship counselor Dhriti Bhavsar (Master’s degree in Psychology, with specialization in Clinical Psychology), who is an expert in relationship, breakup, and LGBTQ counseling, will help us explore ways to make peace with being cheated on. So, should you forgive a cheater? Well, let’s delve deeper to understand…

    Related Reading: We Were Engaged To Be Married But My Fiancée Cheated On Me

    The Effects Of Being Cheated On

    So, what does being cheated on feel like? And how hard can it get for people who still love their cheating spouse or partner? Does it make a man feel emasculated? How does a woman feel after being cheated on? Here’s what a Reddit user has to say about his experience: “I’ve been cast as the husband that his wife cheated on him and left for another man. I didn’t want to play this part, but here I am, cast as the lead. Everything is washed out and grey, if I could sleep all day I would. I dread getting up, it always starts with the reality of the situation, the intrusive thoughts and images. Infidelity takes a great toll on the betrayed, I marvel at those that can rebuild and move on.”

    Before we explore how to find peace after being cheated on, let’s find out how cheating affects those at the receiving end. Our expert Dhriti has enumerated a few effects of being cheated on, based on her interactions with her clients. Here they go:

    For more expert-backed insights, please subscribe to our YouTube Channel.

    1. It lowers self-esteem

    Being cheated on lowers the self-esteem of a person to a great extent. Dhriti says, “You may find yourself questioning what you lacked or did wrong in the relationship, eventually leading to questioning your self-worth.” So, in such cases, you may start doubting:

    • Your commitment to the relationship
    • Your looks 
    • Your intelligence
    • Your sexual prowess
    • Your financial status

    This is how infidelity affects a woman as well as a man.

    2. It alters your ability to trust

    So, how does a woman feel after being cheated on? What does a man go through when he is cheated on? Dhriti says, “Being cheated on makes you question not just your partner but your own judgment too (and even of other people around you). You begin wondering, “If the one person I trusted so much could do this to me, how can I trust others to not do the same thing?” It also breaks you completely to know that your trust was taken advantage of. And you may deal with the fear of being cheated on again.” 

    So, you may end up becoming a bitter person, with no ability to trust someone. Besides, mental health issues such as anxiety and cheating go hand in hand. So, you may go through extreme triggers after being cheated on whenever you face a situation where you need to trust someone. 

    Related Reading: 22 Sure Signs Of A Cheating Girlfriend

    3. You may develop anger and bitterness

    Dhriti believes, “When someone cheats on you, there is a sense of unfairness over something so painful happening to you. And that naturally leads to resentment toward the person causing that pain (and also toward yourself, for giving them the power to cause you pain). Eventually, it turns to bitterness and is manifested as a mix of anger and deep sadness, the two most common effects of being cheated on. 

    And we agree that this is how infidelity affects a woman or a man. A Reddit user had a similar experience: “I want to get past the bitterness/anger that sits in me from finding out some of his infidelities. But I think it is the unknown of how many infidelities he has and whatnot that fuels the anger/bitterness that sits inside me like burning embers waiting to take flame again. I hate being angry. It is so tiring.”

    4. You’re thrown into uncertainty

    One of the worst effects of the pain of infidelity is that the partner who’s been cheated on is pushed into uncertainty. Dhriti explains, “You lose the security and safety that you once felt with your partner. You go from knowing what tomorrow will look like and planning for it, to suddenly having no idea, not knowing what to do or expect.”  This can deal a massive blow to your future plans. So, you may have been:

    • Saving up to celebrate a relationship milestone, and now have to drop the idea
    • Gearing up to buy a new house together and now have to take a step back
    • Preparing to leave your job to take care of the kids, and now may have to rethink your plan

    Related Reading: Top 11 Hollywood Movies About Cheating In A Relationship

    5. You feel immense mental pain

    Studies have shown time and again how breakups are hard and almost always lead to negative thoughts and a feeling of going through real physical pain. And in case you’ve separated from your spouse after being cheated on, the feeling is exactly the same.

    Dhriti says, “We’re hardwired for attachment, and losing this attachment is often extremely painful because our brain reacts to this pain in a similar way to how it reacts to physical pain. It’s a loss of connection, attachment, validation, and security. These triggers after being cheated on cause a lot of psychological pain.” 

    9 Therapist-Recommended Tips On How To Find Peace After Being Cheated On

    So, now that you know how being cheated on feels like and what repercussions it can have, are you wondering how to find peace after being cheated on? And should you forgive a cheater? And what happens after the initial shock wears off? 

    Here’s how a Reddit user explains she got over being cheated on: “…there were heartbreaks in my past from cheating, leaving me for others, and even violence, that I never thought in a million years I would ever get over. But I did. And it faded over time. What helps me is researching WHY people cheat, and realizing the issue is within THEM. It’s not about the other person being better or more suited, or about you not being enough. Heck, a lot of times the person who is cheated on is better objectively in so many ways compared to the one their partner cheats with. I know it’s not great to compare, but sometimes it does help to see that.” 

    Related Reading: He Cheated On Me But Wants Me To Take Him Back

    Everyone’s way of coping with a blow as severe as infidelity can be different. There’s no one-size-fits-all mantra that works for all when it comes to figuring out how to deal with being cheated on. There isn’t any magic potion either. What works for one person may not work for another. However, adopting certain healthy practices to work through the pain can help. Dhriti offers us nine such tips that help you make headway in your quest to figure out how to find peace after being cheated on:

    1. Allow yourself to experience all your negative emotions

    Dhriti feels, “It’s crucial to express freely whatever negative thoughts or emotions are coming up for you, in a safe space and in a healthy manner. Many people suffer unnecessarily because they believe they “should” be feeling a certain way and not how they’re actually feeling. Well, every emotion carries meaning, so lean into your emotions rather than running away from them.”

    Healing after being cheated on is never easy

    While you may be encouraged by friends or relatives to shove your emotions under the carpet, do give yourself the time and space to feel all that you’re feeling. Give yourself permission to feel angry, feel sad, feel embarrassed. This will help you take the first step toward figuring out how to find peace after being cheated on.

    2. Set boundaries

    If you’re still clueless about how to deal with being cheated on, this can be a great solution. Before you decide on the ‘should you forgive a cheater’ question, work on setting firm boundaries. Dhriti says, “It’s important to recognize your needs and boundaries and then firmly establish them with your partner.” Forgiving a cheater also requires you to let them know what you’re not okay with. This is how to deal with being cheated on if you wish to continue the relationship:

    • You can set a boundary for personal space, asking to stay in separate rooms or away from each other till you come to a resolution
    • You can ask for complete clarity or closure, asking them to explain why they did what they did before you take a step forward
    • You can ask for great transparency in the relationship, letting your partner know you won’t accept any more lies and secrets 

    Related Reading: 7 Things That Help You Heal Post A Breakup

    3. Avoid self-blame

    It’s very natural in these troubled times to blame yourself for:

    • Not being good in bed
    • Not decking up to look good
    • Not listening to their rants 

    You can end up blaming yourself and indulging in negative self-talk for your partner’s cheating ways. Dhriti says, “Avoid falling into the spiral of blaming yourself. It is likely that there were already trust issues in the relationship before the cheating partner inflicted the pain of infidelity on their partner. It’s important to differentiate between taking accountability for some issue and taking blame for the cheating.” Remember, cheating is a choice.

    4. Don’t rush into making a decision

    Forgiving a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend is not easy and it certainly won’t happen overnight. So, remember, there’s no need for you to make a decision right away. If you’re still wondering, “Should I stay with a cheater or leave?”, Dhriti advises, “Avoid making a decision in haste, or out of anger or fear. Give yourself some time to process your emotions before you take your next step.” This way, you’ll also be able to find the root cause of this infidelity, which, in turn, makes it easier to decipher how to find peace after being cheated on.

    Related Reading: 8 Ways To Reconnect After A Big Fight

    5.  Rely on your support system

    Healing after being cheated on may not be easy but spending time with your inner circle helps you a lot in this phase. Dhriti says, “It’s absolutely necessary to have a social support system around you. This should include people who make you feel safe and cared for. It could also be your internal support system: things and activities that bring you joy, fulfillment, and connection. So, go ahead and:

    • Talk to your best friend or your family
    • Go for a rejuvenating solo trip or take a trip with your besties
    • Hit the gym or take up a hobby, such as painting, sports, or gardening
    • Read the latest book by your favorite author

    6. Reach out for professional help

    If all else fails, reach out to a professional therapist or relationship counselor. Dhriti says, “A licensed therapist can help you target the specific areas that prevent moving on and make healing after a breakup due to infidelity easy for you. They can work through the pain in a healthy and effective manner.” 

    Related Reading: Personal Space In A Relationship Holds It Together

    Be aware that mental health ailments like anxiety and cheating go hand in hand. Sometimes, people even slip into depression after being cheated on. That’s why it’s vital to prioritize looking after your mental health. You can consider going into couples therapy or opt for individual therapy. If you are considering getting help, don’t hesitate to reach out to Bonobology’s counseling services.

    7. Be mindful of what gnaws at your self-worth

    Dhriti says, “Your partner’s infidelity says more about them than about you. It is important to preserve your sense of self-worth and not fret about what people will think of you.” There are chances that you may suffer from post-infidelity stress disorder, so it’s crucial that you don’t internalize the cheating. Instead of giving in to that little voice in your head that says you’re responsible for this, shut it down by being strong. This is one of the main steps if you’re wondering how to find peace after being cheated on.

    forgiving a cheaterforgiving a cheater
    forgiving a cheater

    8. Let go

    It’s important to be able to let go of certain things, whether you’re forgiving a cheater or moving away from the relationship. If your partner cheated on you remorselessly, try letting it go and focus on yourself instead. Dhriti suggests, “Work toward acceptance and letting go. Be patient with yourself in this process and remember that letting go is a choice you make for the sake of your own peace. It is not something you owe to someone. If you don’t feel ready for it, you don’t need to force it. However, acceptance of the event is crucial in order for you to move on from it.”

    Related Reading: 10 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship

    9. Indulge in acts of self-care and self-love

    Before going ahead with forgiving someone who cheated, a lot of inner work is required. Remember to take care of your own self. Healing after being cheated on takes a lot of self-care. Dhriti says, “Personal development and self-care activities are absolutely necessary at this stage, especially when you don’t want to indulge in them. Ironically, it is when we don’t feel like taking care of ourselves when we need self-care the most.” She suggests a few ways of coping with the triggers after being cheated on, and they include taking care of:

    • Basic physiological needs: Get enough sleep and follow a healthy and balanced diet. Avoid junk food or emotional eating
    • Safety and security needs: Make sure you’re staying at a safe place. Move out of your home if you feel you aren’t comfortable staying with a cheater or you feel you’re being engulfed by depression after being cheated on
    • Belongingness needs: Make sure you establish connections with others around you

    What To Do When You Get Cheated On — Stay Or Leave?

    So, now that you know how to find peace after being cheated on, we’ll come to your next question, “Should you forgive a cheater?” More importantly, do relationships work after cheating? Dhriti believes, “The decision of staying with a cheater or leaving after a relationship is a deeply personal one. That is because every relationship is unique, as are the people that make up that relationship. Hence, there is no prescribed right or wrong answer to this question.” 

    Related Reading: When My Wife Cheated On Me, I Decided To Show More Love

    However, she thinks you need to consider a few things before you make the decision regarding what to do when you get cheated on. So, ask yourself these questions if you’re wondering, “Should I stay with a cheater?”

    • Is your partner remorseful for their actions and genuine in their apologies?
    • Is your partner able to take accountability for their actions?
    • Do you feel that you have it in you to trust them again? Or will the fear of being cheated on always loom large?
    • What will it take in order for you to recover? 
    • Can your partner provide what you need to get back in the relationship or will your bond turn into a more toxic relationship?

    To help you with making a mature and well-informed decision, we’ve collated some points to highlight the pros and cons of both staying with a cheater and leaving.

    on cheating

    The pros and cons of staying

    Forgiving someone who cheated on you mercilessly is not going to be easy. But you should weigh both the pros and cons in this case:

    The pros of staying The cons of staying
    You’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried. It will take a lot of work, time, and patience to overcome this. Rebuilding trust is not easy.
    Your relationship can come out stronger on the other end of this, with both of you understanding yourselves and each other better. You might continue to have doubts for a very long time to come.
    It can be a wake-up call for addressing the problems in your relationship. The fear of being cheated on again lingers.
    In some cases, couples can emerge stronger from the blow of infidelity It can lead to a dip in self-esteem if not handled carefully.

    The pros and cons of leaving

    If you think the answer to, “Do relationships work after cheating?”, is a resounding ‘no’ and are thinking of leaving your cheating spouse, well, here are some pros and cons of such a decision:

    The pros of leaving  The cons of leaving 
    You regain self-respect. Leaving such a toxic relationship sends a very clear message about what you will not tolerate You may go through emotional turmoil. There can be a lot of grief, pain, and doubt that comes with ending a relationship, despite how good or bad it was.
    You have the freedom to explore other options and invest time and energy in yourself. There’s uncertainty about your future, and where to go from here can cause you more pain.
    You get to focus on personal growth, as you learn to heal by yourself. You end up second-guessing and are engulfed by a sense of loneliness.
    You can walk away from the relationship feeling better about yourself. You may have practical concerns, such as financial issues, co-parenting concerns, societal or religious pressures, and the problem of having similar social circles.

    Key Pointers

    • Some of the effects of being cheated on are low self-esteem, uncertainty, and mental pain
    • A few therapist-recommended tips to deal with this situation are avoiding self-blame, setting boundaries, consulting licensed therapists and going for couples counseling, and relying on your support system
    • One needs to weigh the pros and cons of both the options of staying or leaving the relationship

    Now that you’ve read our article, we hope you’ve gained valuable insights into the effects of being cheated on, the ways to deal with being cheated on, and the pros and cons of staying or leaving a relationship after being cheated on. Remember, it’s easy to blame a situation and quit, but it takes guts to stay back and rebuild trust. 

    With that being said, it is also crucial to take note of any sense of disrespect or toxicity within the relationship. Once you feel your relationship is beyond repair, feel free to disengage. Get into a new relationship, if need be. But do it out of your own free will. Moving forward is necessary for your growth and peace.

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  • How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

    How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

    Can a relationship survive without intimacy? Well, imagine this: You’ve been in a long-term romantic relationship and now the spark has fizzled out. You can’t even connect in bedYou hardly even hug or cuddle and end up having no sex for days and you often wonder, “How long is too long without sex in a relationship?”

    Sounds familiar? In this article, we offer you clarity on the dynamics of sexual intimacy and explore scenarios where people end up in sexless marriages or relationships for various reasons. With insights from sexologist Dr. Vishal Gor, who specializes in treating sexual dysfunction, we’ll delve deeper into the ‘no sex in relationship anymore’ issue and also look at a few tips to fix the effects of not having sex. So, if you’re one of those who often wonder, “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?”, or complain, “My wife never wants sex”, read on…

    How Often Should A Couple Have Sex? 

    Often, we’re perplexed about the number of times a couple should have sex. So, does a couple need to have sex daily to make their relationship work? My friend, Ashley, once called me up, frustrated that her husband and she hadn’t had sex in weeks and that he would often cite work pressure to avoid having sex with her. She said, “There’s no sex in our relationship anymore! I am so exhausted. It’s like he has no desire for sex.” 

    Soon, she even started suspecting him of having an affair. This led me to think, “How long is too long without sex in a relationship?” and more importantly, “How often should a couple have sex for a relationship to survive?”

    Related Reading: Who Enjoys Sex More – Man or Woman? Find the Answer in Mythology

    Dr. Gor says, “There is no fixed or right answer to this, as it depends on several factors. And there’s no one-size-fits-all number that can state how often a couple should have sex. What works for one couple may not work for another.” But some factors that dictate how often couples have sex are:

    • Age: With age, sexual frequency between couples can lessen. However, it will be a generalization to think all couples have less sex after a certain age
    • Lifestyle: With the pressure of the hustle culture looming large, people may get busy with their jobs or chores. Late nights at work or the strain of raising kids may take its toll on the sex lives of couples
    • Libido or sex drive: Various factors, such as medical issues or performance anxiety, can prevent couples from having regular sex or result in low libido/sex drive and no desire for sex

    Dr. Gor, however, maintains, “In my interactions with clients, I have found that young couples have sex at least once or twice per week, while older couples have sex once a month, or twice at the most.” A 2017 Kinsey Institute study also says the same thing. It states that “…people between the ages of 18 and 29 do it twice a week.” 

    A similar study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior stated that married or live-in couples were having sex once a week. So, before you complain, “My wife never wants sex” or lose sleep over the thought, “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?”, think again! You may not be doing that badly.

    Sex is extremely important in a relationship

    How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

    In a study by the University of Chicago, it was proved that couples who had sex once every week were the happiest. However, the happiness quotient didn’t increase with the sexual frequency beyond once a week. As in, couples who had sex more than once a week weren’t happier than those having it just once a week. 

    This probably proves that the answer to how long is too long without sex in a relationship is also perhaps subjective and varies from couple to couple. Dr. Gor too agrees and says, “The answer to this depends on partners and their personal reasons. Most couples believe no sex for 6 months in relationship is too much, especially if they’re committed to each other.” 

    Related Reading: I Am Desperate For Sex But I Don’t Want To Do It Without Love

    However, some couples may forgo sexual pleasure to stay in different cities and earn a better income. But others may not be able to live without making love even for a week. This is because sexual satisfaction is relative. So, while you will often find some women wondering, “Why won’t my husband have sex with me?”, or men who lose their cool over the ‘wife never wants sex’ scenario, others may be happy with their sexless relationships for years.

    Why Is Sex Important In A Relationship? 

    Now, we’re not saying sex is the only thing that matters in a long-term romantic relationship. Of course, trust, compatibility, and an intimate connection are prime factors that help sustain a long-term relationship, but sex is the magic ingredient that adds that extra zing to the relationship and keeps it alive. So, if you’re caught in a ‘no sex in relationship anymore’ scenario and feel discontentment over it, you aren’t completely wrong.

    Related Reading: 10 Creative Ways To Tell Your Woman That You Want Sex

    Here’s what a Reddit user had to say about the importance of sex in her life, “I’m probably in the minority for women to say this, but sex is incredibly important in my life. I am a very sexual person, I enjoy sharing my body with others and most of all I crave the pleasure that comes from sex. Masturbation is a regular part of my life even as a sexually active person, but it wouldn’t be enough for me to get by for long periods of time without sex. I need the physical connection with someone, casual or otherwise.”

    So, why is sex important in a relationship? Does it have any scientific benefits? Here’s what Dr. Gor thinks makes sex an absolute necessity in relationships:

    1. Sex is good for boosting immunity

    Studies have shown that people who have sex once or twice a week have better immune systems than those who don’t. In fact, apparently, sex alters the level of an antigen that protects us from ailments such as cold and flu. This is very similar to kissing bringing in health benefits.

    2. Sex plays a major role in improving sleep patterns

    Now, this has a lot to do with the hormones released during sex. Studies have shown that sex helps the body release hormones such as oxytocin and dopamine, which eventually lead to relaxation and better sleep. 

    Related Reading: How To Get In The Mood For My Husband?

    3. Sex helps in lowering stress levels

    Research has proved that good sex helps relieve stress and even rids you of relationship anxiety. Apart from lowering blood pressure, sex also helps reduce risks of heart disease and stroke.

    4. Sex intensifies the emotional attachment

    Dr. Gor says, “Regular sex is a basic requirement for a healthy relationship, as it brings in more relationship satisfaction. It also improves the trust quotient between couples.” Sex helps partners connect emotionally. The cuddling and love hormone, oxytocin, which is associated with physical intimacy and sex, strengthens bonds between couples. This is exactly why we tend to miss our partners when they’re not around. 

    Related Reading: 40 Romantic Things To Say To Your Husband

    5. It improves self-confidence

    Dr. Gor also says, “Sex is a major factor that contributes to a spike in self-esteem levels in people.” So, regular sex brings with it increased confidence levels and makes people perform better at work and other social spheres. It works wonders for those with low self-esteem.

    Effects Of Not Having Sex

    Do you think you’re getting enough sex? Or do you feel you could do much better or are craving more sex? Are you wondering what not having sex in a relationship can do to your mind and body? Well, just as sex has quite a few scientifically proven advantages, be it in a new relationship or an old one, a clear lack of sex can wreak havoc on your body and cause psychological issues. So, how does this ‘no sex in relationship anymore’ scenario affect you?

    Related Reading: Sexual Compatibility – Meaning, Importance And Signs

    Sharing his experience of a sexless relationship, a Reddit user says, “I currently live with my GF of 2+ years and since moving in with each other last year, our sex life has really suffered. We are still extremely physical and cuddly but she started to frequently refuse my more sexual advances. I soon just stopped trying to initiate sex spontaneously because being denied constantly was making me feel really sad and emasculated.” This perhaps also answers the question, why is sex important in a relationship?

    Dr. Gor details a few such effects of lack of sex in marriage:

    • Easy irritability: Lack of regular sex in relationships can make people irritable. Such people tend to become angered easily
    • Anxiety: Not having sex in a relationship also means less ‘feel good’ hormones in your body, which leads to a heightened level of anxiety
    • Depression: Just as sex can lead to an ego boost, a significant lack of sex can lead to depression. Worse still, you may be burned under peer pressure to just have sex for the sake of it, without enjoying your intimate moments
    • Sexual dysfunction: Research has proved that infrequent sex is often associated with erectile dysfunction in men. Lack of sex in relationships can also make women fear painful intercourse when they do have sex after long intervals
    • Relationship problems: If the sexual dynamic between married couples is affected adversely, it may even lead the couple to divorce. After all, not fulfilling a partner’s sexual needs does amount to legitimate grounds for divorce
    effects of lack of sex in marriage
    The effects of lack of sex in marriage can be far-reaching

    How To Deal With Lack Of Intimacy In A Relationship

    Now that you have an answer to your burning question, how long is too long without sex in a relationship? You’re also aware of the ill effects of lack of sex in marriage and the pros of having sex regularly. Let’s address the next big concern: how does one deal with a lack of intimacy in relationship? 

    Related Reading: Intimacy: Why It Is Important in Marriage and Relationships?

    Since relationships are complex and unique, there is no fixed formula to address the issue of lack of affection, intimacy, or sexual desire. That said, according to Dr. Gor, there are a few ways that can prove effective in dealing with this issue in most situations. He recommends:

    1. Find out the root cause and address it

    On how to fix a lack of intimacy in relationships, Dr. Gor says, “It’s important to go through your partner’s detailed history to find out the cause of the ‘no sexual relationship’ situation. And then, one should treat any physical or psychological health issues related to it.” So, in such cases, make sure you note if there’s:

    • Fear of intimacy/sex or no desire for sex
    • A medical issue, such as erectile dysfunction, that’s affecting your sex life
    • Some past relationship trauma, such as sexual abuse or painful sex with an ex

    2. Encourage open communication 

    Dr. Gor advises, “Communication between partners is very important to resolve issues related to lack of sex in relationships.” Nobody knows you better than your partner in bed. So, open up and have a healthy discussion on what’s preventing the two of you from having sex. There’s no alternative to open communication.

    Related Reading: Am I Sexually Compatible With My Fiancé?

    3. Focus on emotional intimacy 

    Often, the ‘no sexual relationship’ scenario is due to a lack of emotional intimacy. This could be due to various reasons such as work pressure or the burden of household chores and responsibilities. Dr. Gor says, “It’s crucial to address this lack of emotional closeness and focus on improving it if there’s no desire for sex in either partner.” This is one of the best ways to fix the lack of intimacy in relationships.

    More on sex

    4. Consult a certified sex therapist

    Lastly, if all else fails, you should definitely consult a professional counselor or a certified sex therapist. After all, mental health is of prime importance, especially in such cases. Dr. Gor says, “Couples counseling and individual therapy can both work wonders in such cases.” And if you’re looking for help, Bonobology’s counseling services are at your disposal. 

    Key Pointers

    • How long is too long without sex in a relationship? While there’s no definite answer, most happy couples have sex once a week
    • Younger couples have sexual intercourse about once a week, while older couples have sex once a month
    • Sex is important in a relationship because it improves sleep quality, it boosts immunity, and it intensifies emotional connection
    • The effects of not having sex in a relationship include irritability, depression, and relationship issues
    • To deal with a lack of intimacy in relationships, find out the root cause, encourage communication, and opt for couples counseling

    For an average adult, sex isn’t the be-all-and-end-all in a relationship, but it’s definitely a major component of every healthy relationship. We hope we’ve been able to help you ascertain what makes for a healthy sex life. We also hope that after reading this article, you’re no longer searching for the answer to how long is too long without sex in a relationship and have found a solution to the eternal ‘no sexual relationship’ scenario.

    Though our suggestions may work for the majority of couples, remember, at the end of the day, it’s you and your partner who decide what’s ‘perfectly normal’ in bed and what’s not. So, don’t be pressured to believe having sex a certain number of times will make your marriage perfect. Just like wanting sex isn’t bad, not wanting it doesn’t make you a villain either. And can a relationship survive without intimacy? Well, though sex is a necessity, a good marriage also depends on mutual trust, loyalty, and compatibility. So, go ahead and make the most of it.

    My Wife Is a Sex Addict and it Has Ruined Our Relationship

    Platonic Relationship Vs Romantic Relationship – Why Are Both Important?

    My Husband Was A Sex Addict And Kept Me Locked Up In The Bedroom

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  • Am I Narcissistic or a Victim? Quiz

    Am I Narcissistic or a Victim? Quiz

    Have you ever questioned your own sanity after an argument with your partner? You might be confused whether it was you that caused the fight to escalate or them. Perhaps you even said some insulting things you’re not proud of. However, this is not necessarily a sign that you’re narcissistic. Narcissists often twist situations to make themselves appear blameless, leaving their victims feeling confused and questioning their own reality. This phenomenon, known as narcissistic trauma, can leave lasting emotional scars.

    This quiz, developed by a therapist with a Master’s degree in psychology, can help you explore whether you might be exhibiting narcissistic tendencies or experiencing the damaging effects of being in a relationship with someone who does. The quiz delves into common characteristics of both narcissism and victims of narcissistic abuse symptoms.

    Related Quiz: Is my husband a sociopath? Quiz

    This quiz can be a powerful tool in understanding your situation and taking steps towards healing and healthy relationships.

    Questions

    1. When faced with criticism or negative feedback, how do you typically respond?
      1. Reflect and consider
      2. Feel hurt but try to understand
      3. Dismiss or ignore it
    2. Do you often feel entitled to special treatment or privileges in your personal or professional relationships?
      1. No, i believe in equality
      2. Depends on the situation
      3. I expect others to cater to my needs
    3. How do you respond to conflict?
      1. Listen and try to find a compromise
      2. Blame myself and feel guilty
      3. Blame the other person
    4. Do you feel that others are intentionally trying to harm or undermine you?
      1. Yes, often
      2. Sometimes
      3. No
    5. How do you handle setbacks and failures in life?
      1. Feel bad but try to bounce back
      2. I spiral and feel ashamed of myself
      3. Blame others, or external circumstances
    6. Do you feel misunderstood by others?
      1. Not really
      2. I feel like nobody could understand me
      3. Sometimes
    7. Do you feel unappreciated or dismissed in your relationships?
      1. Rarely
      2. A few people don’t value me as much
      3. Nobody appreciates me for what I do
    8. Do you feel that others are exploiting or taking advantage of you?
      1. No
      2. If they are, I can draw clear boundaries
      3. Yes, I feel like people use me

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  • Why I can’t stop thinking about him?

    Why I can’t stop thinking about him?

    James and I had a really strong relationship. We were together for five years and did everything together. We shared secrets, and made each other laugh. Whenever I was down, James was there to lift me up. We went on traveling adventures, watched movies, and just enjoyed each other’s company. But then, I found out James was cheating on me. It felt like my heart shattered into a million pieces. We had to break up because I couldn’t trust him anymore. Even though it’s over between us, why can’t I can’t stop thinking about him? Memories of our time together keep flooding back, and it’s hard to move on. I miss the good times we had, but I know I deserve better.

    Related Reading: Choosing between Friendship and Relationship

    Answer

    It’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to move on after such a significant betrayal. Your relationship with James was deeply meaningful, filled with shared experiences, laughter, and support. The discovery of his infidelity has left you heartbroken and grappling with conflicting emotions.

    It’s natural to find yourself reminiscing about the happy moments you shared together, even amidst the pain of betrayal. Memories have a way of resurfacing, especially when they’re tied to strong emotions and meaningful experiences.

    However, it’s important to acknowledge that while those memories hold value, they’re just one part of the picture. The betrayal and loss you’ve experienced are also significant realities that deserve recognition.

    Moving forward, focus on nurturing yourself and your own well-being. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the trust that was broken. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer comfort and understanding during this difficult time.

    Remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of the healing process. Eventually, as you continue to prioritize your own happiness and self-care, you’ll find the strength to let go of the past and open yourself up to new possibilities for love and fulfillment.

    Related Reading: fitness fetish got me my new boyfriend

    FAQs

    1. how to get over someone you cant have?

    The first and foremost step is building acceptance around the fact that you can’t have them. Without that acceptance, everything else you try will not get you the results you seek. A few things to keep in mind:

    1. Not being wanted by someone does not define your worth, value or lovability. People’s choices have more to do with them than you. 
    2. Limit contact with them. You won’t be able to move on if you continue to stay in constant contact. 
    3. Focus on yourself. Make your life fuller, more satisfying and prove to yourself that your life is great with or without this person in it. 
    4. Pour into building emotionally fulfilling connections in life which aren’t romantic in nature. We often expect a partner to fulfill all these needs of belongingness for us, but that is not a fair or realistic way of looking at it. 
    5. Be careful not to idealize this person. Remember, they have flaws like anyone else. 
    6. Be kind and patient with yourself. 
    7. Celebrate any progress you make!

    2. how to get over him when he has moved on?

    It is going to take time, so be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to feel everything that is coming up for you. Don’t try to suppress or run away from any emotion, no matter how painful and unpleasant. Emotions demand to be felt and you will only be able to move on once you’ve processed them. 

    Limit contact and build certain boundaries which protect your well-being. You know stalking their social media is only going to make you feel worse. There’s no easy way around this. You will have to resist the urge to reach out or stalk them, if you want to move on. 

    Shift your focus inwards. Prioritize self care, especially when you don’t want to. That is when you need it most. Make your life richer and fuller, find sources of fulfillment, belongingness and satisfaction that don’t come from romantic relationships. 

    Don’t shy away from seeking help and support as and when you need it. You don’t need to overcome everything by yourself.

    3. why is no contact so hard?

    No contact is difficult primarily due to the emotional attachment, being habituated or used to the presence of this person, hope for reconciliation and a fear of loneliness. 
    The good news is that all of these fears and concerns can be worked through. In other words, the pain you experience from no contact is temporary and this will benefit you in the long run. 
    Allow yourself to process all the emotions that come up, be kind and patient with yourself and remember why you’re doing this in the first place. It will get easier.

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  • Am I Married to the Right Person? Quiz

    Am I Married to the Right Person? Quiz

    The “happily ever after” fairytale often glosses over the realities of marriage. While challenges are normal, having that constant feeling that you might be with the wrong person is cause of concern. This “am I married to the right person quiz,” developed by a relationship counselor, can help you gain clarity on your current marital situation. It will help you understand whether this is simply a rough patch in your marriage or whether it’s something deeper.

    Have you ever wondered:

    • How do you know if you’re with the right person?
    • Is my partner truly the one for me?
    • Have things changed significantly after the wedding?
    • Should I stay married?

    Related Quiz: Am I ready for marriage quiz

    Rather than letting these questions interrupt your every thought, take some time out to sit and introspect. Through these 10 questions, you’ll be able to reflect on the core values of your relationship. Answer as honestly as you can and gain valuable insights into whether you’ve truly found your forever partner or if it’s time to reassess your path.

    Questions

    1. Do you feel emotionally supported and understood by your spouse?
    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

    2. Do you and your spouse share common values, goals, and priorities for the future?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

    3. Does your spouse actively listen to your concerns and respect your opinions?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

    4. Do you and your spouse communicate openly and effectively, especially during conflicts?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

    Related Quiz: What type of man is right for me?

    5. Do you feel appreciated and valued by your spouse in your daily interactions?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

    6. Does your spouse prioritise spending quality time with you and nurturing your relationship?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

    7. Are you and your spouse sexually compatible and satisfied with your intimate relationship?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

    8. Does your spouse demonstrate mutual respect and equality in your relationship?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

    9. Do you feel emotionally fulfilled and happy in your marriage?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

    10. Can you envision a long-term future with your spouse, filled with mutual love, support, and growth?

    1. Yes
    2. Sometimes
    3. Never

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  • How to End an emotional affair and still be Friends?

    How to End an emotional affair and still be Friends?

    I am in a complicated situation with Bharat, my friend for seven years. We have been very close as friends but recently, it turned into something more. Nothing physical ever happened but we had an emotional affair. Bharat has confided his deepest fears and dreams in me, we’ve shared intimate conversations about our innermost thoughts. We’re both married and we know it’s wrong. It’s best to go back just being friends because I know if we keep going, it will become more than just emotional. I don’t know how to go back after we’ve formed this intense bond. How can I approach Bharat about this without damaging our bond? I deeply respect Bharat and want our friendship to remain strong even after ending our affair. How can I handle this emotional affair that we have? Please help me.

    Related Reading: We Couldn’t End Our Relationship Nor Do We See A Future Together…

    Answer:

    It’s unfortunate that you’re stuck in this emotionally complicated space. Please take the opportunity to be kind to yourself, and avoid beating yourself up for not reciprocating your friend’s feelings. Wanting to go back to being friends will be a delicate conversation, so keep the following in mind:

    1. Be careful of the place and time you choose. Ideally, something comfortable and safe for both of you, so that neither person feels blindsided.
    2. Don’t rush into having this conversation. Take the time to understand your feelings and reasons for wanting to end the attachment. While you don’t owe your friend a relationship, giving him your reasoning can be the closure he needs to get through this.
    3. There is a high possibility that this conversation will not be received well by your friend. Hold space for his emotions. Remember that both of your emotional experiences are valid and foster empathy for your friend.
    4. While this conversation could be hurtful to your friend, he still deserves to know the truth of how you feel. Avoid holding back the truth in order to protect his feelings. Honesty will be better for both of you in the long run.
    5. Reaffirm your friendship and the genuineness of the connection. All the trouble you’re willing to go through shows that you value this friendship. Make sure that gets conveyed to your friend.
    6. Give him the space he needs to process all this. It’s highly possible you will also need some time and self care after this conversation. There is going to be some awkwardness and emotional pain on both sides here, so it’s important that both of you get the space you need to recover.
    7. Even if the conversation goes well, it will take some time for things to go back to normal. Be patient with yourself and your friend. Continue to engage with the friendship and address any discomfort or issues as and when they arise.

    There isn’t a sure way of having this conversation and taking your friendship to what it used to be, nor can there be any guarantees that your friendship will come out of this unscathed. Make sure you remain empathetic and respectful through this conversation, set realistic expectations going into it and remain kind to yourself throughout.

    Signs Your Affair Is Over (And For Good)

    How I Dealt With Having An Affair With My Boss

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  • 15 Situationship Rules You Must Follow To Protect Yourself

    15 Situationship Rules You Must Follow To Protect Yourself

    I was once in a situationship, long before Gen-Zers had a term for it. It was the most exhilarating and also the most emotionally draining romantic experience of my life. While I loved the idea of coloring outside the lines of a typical relationship, things got messy once feelings got thrown into the mix and we were no longer on the same page about the purpose of our arrangement. In the process, I lost a good friend. So, trust me when I say situationship rules matter.

    If you find yourself in a similar state and are not clear about what to do in a situationship, find yourself caught up in the situationship vs relationship dilemma, or are unsure about how to define a situationship you have going on with someone, I’ve got you covered.

    In consultations with relationship expert and counselor Dhriti Bhavsar (Master’s in Clinical Psychology), who specializes in relationship, breakup, and LGBTQ counseling, I’ll touch upon all there is to know about a situationship and setting some ground rules to navigate it without getting hurt. Let’s begin by understanding what is a situationship all about.

    What Is A Situationship?

    So, what is a situationship? If you turn to the dictionary to define situationship, here’s what you’ll find: “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established”. Now, what does not “formal” or “established” mean? In simpler terms, a situationship means a casual and fluid romantic and/or sexual relationship between two people, with no commitment or expectations.

    To define situationship, Dhriti says, “An absence of labels and conversations about the future are the tell-tale markers of a situationship.” Along similar lines, a Reddit user says, “When you end up consistently seeing someone like they are your significant other but are noncommittal and refuse to take the leap to solidify an actual relationship.”

    Related Reading: Situationship – Meaning And 10 Signs You Are In One

    Now, on a surface level, a situationship may seem a lot like any other casual, undefined intimate connection like a no-strings-attached relationship or a friends-with-benefits arrangement. However, there is a distinct difference. In other undefined connections like NSA or FwB relationships, there is clarity on terms of engagement. In a situationship, things tend to get more muddled. That’s why situationship vs relationship dilemma is far too common. If you’re in such an undefined intimate connection, the first order of business to navigate it successfully is to identify if it amounts to a situationship.

    How do you know if you are in a situationship

    A situationship is fluid

    Since a situationship can closely resemble so many other forms of casual relationships, it is imperative to know for sure if you’ve landed yourself in one. As Dhriti says, “Not knowing what to expect from a relationship or what is acceptable and what’s not can be a dangerous and confusing place to be in.” So, how do you know if you are in a situationship? Here are some clear signs to watch out for:

    • You behave like romantic partners but there has been no define-the-relationship conversation
    • You have both agreed to keep things casual
    • You don’t make long-term plans involving each other. Your plans focus on the next meetup, next hookup, or at best, what you’d be doing a couple of weeks later
    • Either one or both of you are hooking up with or dating other people
    • You aren’t integrated into each other’s lives — for example, you haven’t met each other’s family or friends
    • Sex is likely the centric part of your relationship
    • There is no consistency in your communication patterns — you may text back and forth for days, spend weekends together, and then go without any contact for days
    • You may talk to each other with ease about a lot of topics, but steer clear of deep, meaningful conversations about emotions, vulnerabilities, and of course, the future
    • There is little to no emotional intimacy in the relationship
    • You haven’t made any promises to each other
    • You don’t expect your situationship partner to show up for you in your time of need and they feel no obligation to do so — and vice versa
    • Your conversations are carefully crafted so as not to “ruin” what you have
    • Even if you have been together a significant amount of time — in my case, for instance, the situationship last eight months — you haven’t crossed any relationship milestones
    • The thought of “where is this going” makes you feel anxious and uneasy

    Related Reading: 9 Types Of Situationships And Their Signs

    15 Non-Negotiable Situationship Rules – Follow These To Protect Yourself

    As may be clear from these indicators of a situationship, a connection of this sort comes with a lot of gray areas. To be able to navigate these muddied waters, you need some situationship rules to protect yourself emotionally. Take it from me, I didn’t think much of rules and boundaries, and chose to just go with the flow — as is the wont of 20-somethings who think they can conquer the worlds — and ended up falling in love with my situationship partner. He, on the other hand, was nowhere close to being emotionally invested.

    My feelings led me to go along with a lot of things I wasn’t comfortable with, say yes when I wanted to say no, and put up with being treated in ways that left me hurt because I was holding on to hope that if I just gave it time, he’d begin to feel the same way about me. That obviously didn’t happen but I ended up in a broken heart. Apparently, my experience isn’t isolated.

    Related Reading: 11 Situationship Red Flags You Should Know About

    If scores of Reddit threads on situationships are any indicator, in this casual, dynamic, undefined “relationship”, one person always catches feelings and gets hurt in the process. As this Reddit user says, “A situationship is the least “casual” of casual relationships, you basically get all the perks of a relationship which includes going on dates, sleeping together, enjoying each other’s company, staying over at the other’s but without the titles of boyfriend/girlfriend, or expectation it will turn into a proper committed relationship where you end up saying you love each other and build a future together. I don’t recommend ever getting into one, someone is always more invested in one person than the other, just ends in heartbreak and confusion.”

    That’s why my situationship advice to you would be to always focus on and prioritize yourself. Here are 15 situationship rules that will help you do just that:

    1. Keep it fun and light

    What is a situationship if not a casual relationship with no labels and obligations? As Dhriti says, “In a situationship, any conversations about the future are off limits. The focus is on the here and now.” So, if the focus is not the here and now, why not make the most of it? Keep things light and playful, enjoy the present, and don’t get invested in the idea of a shared future.

    Related Reading: The Complete Guide To “We Act Like A Couple But We Are Not Official” Situation

    2. Be in touch with your feelings

    Weighing in the situationship vs relationship difference, a Reddit user says, “You date each other like you’re in a relationship, but you’re not exclusive. Most of the time, it ends badly because one person will always want more than the other one.” If there is one recurring theme that you may have noticed so far, it’s that there is a very real chance of catching feelings even if you’re unofficially dating.

    So, it’s important to check in with yourself from time to time and assess how you feel toward the person you’re in a situationship with. If you do find yourself catching feelings or falling head over heels in love, it’s time to figure out how to get out of a situationship. Don’t stick around, hoping, and wondering, “Can a situationship turn into a relationship?” More often than not, it does not.

    what to do in a situationship
    Be in tune with your feelings

    3. Prioritize yourself

    Wondering what to do in a situationship to protect yourself and avoid getting hurt? Make a conscious effort to focus on and prioritize yourself in this connection. Identify why got into a situationship,

    • Was it for sex?
    • Or to enjoy the perks of a casual relationship minus the baggage of expectations and commitment?
    • Was it because you don’t have time for a more committed relationship?

    Not losing focus on your needs will help you prioritize them over that of your partner as well as the relationship itself.

    4. Don’t hesitate to vocalize your needs

    Speaking of needs, don’t hesitate to be vocal and assertive about yours. Dhriti advises, “Communicate your needs in a situationship clearly, and at the same time, be open to accepting your partner’s needs.” This requires healthy communication on the part of both partners. So, don’t shy away from having a sit-down about what this situationship means to both of you, what you seek from it, and how you intend to go about fulfilling these needs. In doing so, discuss:

    • Finding a middle ground where there is a mismatch in needs
    • Deal-breakers
    • What you would do if one partner’s needs began to change

    Related Reading: 10 Critical Emotional Needs In A Relationship

    5. Respect your schedule and time

    While it’s normal for situationship partners to not communicate consistently or even offer explanations about periods of absence, don’t let this norm become an excuse for your partner to walk all over you and your schedule or treat you badly. My situationship partner, for instance, would go incommunicado for days and then show up at my door when his schedule cleared up, expecting me to drop everything to hang out with him.

    In hindsight, I feel that his sense of entitlement was emboldened by my lack of willingness to say no. Don’t let that happen to you. One of the most vital situationship rules is to always respect your schedule and time so that your partner will too. Here is what you can do:

    • Discuss when you’d be available to each other
    • While it’s okay to make impromptu plans once in a while (remember, the idea of a situationship is to have fun), don’t let it become the norm
    • If your partner disregards your schedule, stand up for yourself

    6. Make space for other important relationships in your life

    Wondering what to do in a situationship to protect yourself? Here is a piece of situationship advice that can help you find the answer: make sure your entire life doesn’t revolve around this casual, fleeting connection, no matter how good it feels. Nurture space in the connection to nurture other important relationships with friends, coworkers, and family. Leading a well-rounded life is key to not letting a situationship become larger than life.

    infographic on Situationship Rules
    15 Non-Negotiable Situationship Rules

    7. Don’t be afraid to explore

    One of the basic situationship rules is that there is no commitment or expectation of exclusivity — unless there has been an explicit conversation about the latter. So don’t hold yourself back from dating or talking to other people. Now, I’m not saying that you absolutely have to date other people. But if someone interesting comes along and you feel like exploring what it could lead to, don’t hold yourself back on account of your situationship. Remember, you’re not in a relationship. At the same time, be mindful of the rules of dating multiple people to protect yourself.

    8. Follow the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy

    Talking about situationship rules, Dhriti says, “There may be certain things you don’t share with each other, and that’s perfectly normal.” One such thing that I can think of is each other’s experiences with dating or hooking up with other people.

    No matter how much you tell yourself that your situationship arrangement is completely casual or how devoid of romantic feelings it may be, there is just no way to know for sure how you or your partner may feel about and react to details of the other person’s dating escapades. As far as that goes, stick to the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy.

    Related Reading: Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?

    9. Refrain from emotional vulnerability

    Dhriti says, “In a situationship, the entire connection between two people hinges on hiding true feelings and steering clear of any emotional vulnerability. It’s the only way a surface-level involvement can remain just that.” So, naturally, a valuable piece of situationship advice would be to steer clear of letting your guard down in front of your partner.

    • Don’t tell about your hopes and fears
    • Don’t discuss past traumas and emotional wounds
    • Refrain from trading childhood stories
    • Leave past loves and heartbreak out of the conversation

    These are just the kinds of things that pave the way for emotional intimacy in a relationship. Once there is emotional intimacy, romantic feelings are not far behind.

    10. Don’t consider them your plus-one

    To protect yourself from the risk of falling for your situationship partner, and being left wishfully wondering, “Can a situationship turn into a relationship?”, make sure you don’t have any relationship-like expectations. For instance, expecting your situationship partner to be your plus one to weddings, high school reunions, or even parties.

    Doing so indicates that you’ve begun to view them as an integral part of your life, and that goes against the very basic situationship rules of keeping things transient and casual.

    Related Reading: Casual Dating — 13 Rules To Swear By

    11. Discuss whether you want to go public, don’t assume

    In a typical relationship, there is the expectation of making things public once both partners commit to each other and there is clarity on how they see their future together. Couples announce being together to their friends, post on social media, attend social events together, and so on.

    However, that’s not how it necessarily goes in a situationship. My situationship partner, for instance, didn’t want any of his friends to know that we were a thing. So, one of the important situationship rules is to always discuss whether you want to tell people about your arrangement. To avoid stepping on any toes, never assume.

    12. Introducing family and friends may be a no-go

    I remember my situationship partner once calling me up to say that he was on his way to pick me up. I was hanging out with friends, so I asked him to take a detour to my location. When he showed up, I insisted that he join us for a drink before we went out. While he did come in and chatted my friends up, he wasn’t pleased that I had taken the liberty to do that. The night was a bust and he became somewhat distant afterwards.

    Based on my experience, my situationship advice to you would be to avoid introducing your partner to your friends and family. It just places a lot of pressure and leaves unsaid expectations hanging over a fragile connection, and doesn’t play out well.

    Spice-It-Up

    13. Set firm boundaries

    One of the most critical elements that can help you navigate a situationship successfully is setting boundaries early. Right from the get-go, be clear about what you want from this connection, and let your partner know what’s acceptable and what’s not.

    Dhriti agrees, and says, “Boundaries help manage expectations, which is exceedingly important in a situationship. They also help you see the other person for who they really are and not through a colored lens of who you want them to be.” Besides, if and when you get to the point of figuring out how to get out of a situationship, these boundaries will make it easier to cut the cord.

    14. Enjoy it while it lasts

    In adhering to all the situationship rules I have laid out for you, don’t forget to have fun with your situationship partner and savor this unusual relationship while it lasts. As long as you don’t let feelings into the mix and feel comfortable and secure with the person you’re with, a situationship can be an immensely fun ride. Make the most of it.

    Related Reading: What Does It Mean When Someone Says They Are Looking For ‘Something Casual’?

    15. Remember that it’s temporary

    A situationship is by definition fleeting in nature. After a point, you will find yourself at a crossroads, where you’re either wondering how to get out of a situationship or can a situationship turn into a relationship. Now, the way forward really depends on both people involved. If the romantic feelings are mutual, a situationship can materialize into something more. For that to happen,

    Dhriti advises, “You have to be willing to invest in the relationship, work on building trust, talk about things like commitment and future, and prioritize open communication.” However, more often than not, the end of a situationship is not this idealistic, and people end up parting ways. Either way, know that a situationship cannot last forever. It will either grow into something more or wither away.

    Key Pointers

    • A situationship is a romantic and/or sexual relationship between two people sans any labels, commitment, or expectations
    • An agreement to keep things casual, no long-term plans, no involvement in each other’s lives, and focus on the here and now are some signs you’re in a situationship
    • If you find yourself in one, it’s important to navigate it skillfully to avoid getting hurt
    • Keep it fun and light, being in touch with your feelings, prioritizing yourself, setting boundaries, and being prepared to let go when the connection has run its course are some ways you can do that

    Situationship rules can vary depending on the people involved and their circumstances. For instance, for some, staying over at a situationship partner’s place can be a non-started whereas, for others, even taking weekend trips together may be acceptable. While you can establish ground rules that work well for you, make sure you follow these basic ones to make this experience fun and enjoyable rather than an emotionally harrowing ride.

    Seeing Someone vs Dating – 7 Differences You Must Know About

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    Dating With Intention: Meaning And Rules To Set You Up For Success 

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  • Why am I so attached to someone who hurt me ?

    Why am I so attached to someone who hurt me ?

    David and I have been together for four years, but his actions have caused me a lot of emotional pain. Despite this, I find myself unable to let go. He often dismisses my feelings, making me feel insignificant. He frequently criticizes me, leaving me feeling insecure and unworthy. David has a tendency to ignore me when I need support, leaving me feeling isolated and alone. Despite these hurtful experiences, I still feel deeply attached to him, and I don’t understand why. I want to be able to leave the relationship but I can’t get myself to. Can you help me understand why I’m struggling to let go of this relationship, despite the pain David has caused me? Why am I so attached to someone who hurt me?

    Answer:

    This is a fairly common concern people come into therapy with – not being able to let go of someone who has hurt them, and continues to hurt them, despite wanting to. This something I share with a lot of my clients, that being with someone like that often comes with a lot of shame. Perhaps you have friends who keep telling you, “Just break up with them!” or, “You need to love yourself enough to walk away from this.” Such statements, though well-intentioned, often carry a lot of judgement. Which often makes it difficult for the person stuck in a bad relationship that much harder to open up to their friends about.

    Related Reading: 20 Proven Ways To Make Him Feel Guilty For Hurting You

    The first order of business here is to release yourself from shame. It is not easy to walk away from someone you love, even when they hurt you. This does not make you weak, or any less worthy of respect. There are several reasons why walking away from such a relationship is so difficult:

    1. You are waiting and desperately hoping for them to change. There must have been good parts in your relationship. No relationship is all good or all bad. You could be holding onto the good, giving multiple second chances in the hopes that maybe this time around, it will be different. After all, hope is stubborn and doesn’t leave easily.
    2. You want to believe that he is better than this, and maybe he has been in the past. All humans hold this deeply subconscious belief that bad things can’t happen to them. It’s what gives us the courage to go through life, even when our safety is not guaranteed. This brings about an urge to deny how bad it really is in your relationship, and how poorly you’re being treated. You may be accepting it intellectually, but not emotionally.
    3. A part of you might believe that you deserve being treated this way, or that it is okay for you to be treated this way. Of course, you don’t want to, but that doesn’t alter your belief. It might benefit to check in on your self-esteem and work on raising it. As the quote goes, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
    4. The known evil is less terrifying than the unknown. You know what to expect in your relationship. Perhaps, you can even predict your partner’s responses. But there is safety in this familiarity – you know what it is and how it is going to be. Breaking up would mean throwing yourself into the unknown, which hold possibilities of being better and worse. Just a gentle reminder, that fear often lies to us, and we often suffer more in our heads than we do in reality.
    5. Perhaps your partner is good at breadcrumbing you with affection. Treating you well once in a while, just enough to keep that hope in you alive, that things could be better. This is a very common technique used in emotional manipulation. Keep your eyes peeled for it, and avoid falling into the trap.
    6. Lastly, its also possible that you somewhere feel responsible for your partner’s happiness and improvement. Maybe you took on this relationship thinking that love could change him. I’m sure you know this, but it really isn’t your responsibility to make sure others are happy, or to make sure they grow and heal. Your primary responsibility is towards yourself.

    In parting, I would just like to tell you that you don’t need the attachment to go away in order to leave someone. Sometimes, to protect yourself, you leave someone even when you love them still. You cannot always reason with your attachment, but you can make a choice for yourself which keeps you physically, mentally and emotionally safe.

    FAQs

    1.⁠ ⁠Why do I still have feelings for someone who hurt me?

    There are many reasons why you could have feelings for someone who hurt you:
    1. You’re hoping they can change
    2. You remember the good times with this person and wish to go back to that
    3. Your feelings linger from when this person treated you well
    4. You’re forgiving of their actions because you might believe it’s okay for them to treat you in this manner
    5. You’re scared of the possibility of not having feelings for them

    2.⁠ ⁠How do I stop thinking about someone who hurt me?

    1. Give it time. Its important to be kind and patient with yourself, the way you would be with a child. 
    2.Spend time on creating pockets of joy in your day. These little bursts of happiness can give you enough to get you through
    3. Invest in yourself. Do something for yourself that you always wanted to do. Show yourself what the right way of being loved is
    4. Work on raising your self-esteem, and detach your self-worth from how others treat you
    5. Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself
    6. Consider taking therapy or counseling

    3.⁠ ⁠Why do I keep going back to someone who hurts me

    We often keep going back to the same situation, despite knowing the answer, because we want it to be different so badly. Hope is stubborn, and it is this hope that brings us back to them.

    Why do I still care about someone who hurt me?

    He Still Loves His Ex But Likes Me Too. What Do I Do?

    Ask Our Expert

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  • 35 Disturbing Signs Of Gaslighting In A Relationship

    35 Disturbing Signs Of Gaslighting In A Relationship

    Picture this: you’ve told your husband multiple times to fix the fridge before your friends visit you this weekend. He tells you he will do it, and yet, when the weekend arrives, he blames it all on you, saying, “You didn’t remind me about it! It’s all your fault.” Well, this is a glaring sign of psychological abuse called gaslighting, and we will help you explore 35 disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship, just like this one, through this article.

    Apart from answering your question “What is gaslighting in a relationship?”, we will also help you with some gaslighting examples and some tried and tested tips to deal with it, in consultation with counselor Ruchi Ruuh (Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology), who specializes in counseling for issues related to dating, infidelity, marital conflict, and divorce. So, let’s dive in and explore what gaslighting meaning in relationships implies…

    What Is Gaslighting In A Relationship?

    So, what is gaslighting in a relationship and how does it manifest itself? Ruchi explains, “Gaslighting meaning in relationships amounts to manipulation wherein one person undermines another person’s perception of reality and makes them doubt their own thoughts, memories, and feelings, often making them feel confused. They also create a false reality. The person who’s gaslit ends up doubting themselves. Gaslighting also often causes immense psychological distress and is a form of emotional abuse. It makes the victim feel insecure.”

    Related Reading: Has Your Husband Checked Out Emotionally? 12 Signs Of a Failing Marriage

    Interestingly, the term gaslighting originated from the 1944 movie Gaslight, in which a woman is manipulated by her husband so much that she ends up losing her mind. She begins to doubt her reality, or her own perception of whether the lights in the room are dimmed or not, as the husband keeps turning them on and off.

    A study on gaslighting found that there is a significant relationship between the Dark Tetrad traits (i.e., narcissism, Machiavellian tactics, psychopathy, and sadism) and the acceptance of gaslighting in intimate relationships and that men gaslight their partners more often than women.

    35 Disturbing Signs Of Gaslighting In A Relationship

    Gaslighting, as we know, can lead to severe trauma in the victim’s mind and can have long-term repercussions. The victim’s self-esteem can reach rock bottom. In fact, many modern studies on gaslighting techniques have examined the “manipulation of victim’s psychological and emotional wellbeing, as well as their sense of themselves as an epistemic agent”.

    Related Reading: 15 Expert-Recommended Couples Communication Exercises

    Likewise, a Reddit user had this to say while talking about her experience with a gaslighting partner: “We were together for 4 years. I would build up the confidence to talk to him about problems I could see in the relationship, or if he did something I didn’t like, and we would have a full-blown yelling fight. It would start off with me talking calmly and him screaming at me, ending in so many tears.

    For more expert-backed insights, please subscribe to our YouTube Channel.

    “He would scream at me and tell me I’m crazy and overreacting, he often used to use phrases like ‘you clearly don’t remember what happened because that’s not what happened’, ‘you’re acting like a psycho bitch’ ‘that’s all in your imagination’ so many lies and betrayal in this toxic relationship.” Given that gaslighting is so traumatic and damaging, it begs the question, how does one identify its warning signs in day-to-day behavior? To help you identify the red flags, we have listed 35 disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship:

    1. They make you feel you’re too sensitive

    Ruchi says, “Often, the gaslighting partner might make you feel like you can’t take a joke or challenge your reactions to some caustic remark by creating confusion in your mind.” In this case, they may say something demeaning and, then when you react, may retort with gaslighting phrases and statements such as:

    • “You can’t take a joke.”
    • “I was just kidding.”
    • “How are you so sensitive? Stop being a snowflake.”

    2. They accuse you of overreacting

    Among the 35 disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship are statements like,

    • “It’s a small mistake. Why are you making a big deal out of it?”
    • “Stop overreacting!”

    Well, Ruchi says, “This is a prominent sign of gaslighting. If the gaslighter’s emotional abuse has caused you some distress, and you’re clearly not happy with what happened, they might use gaslighting terms and say you’re the one who’s overreacting.”

    Related Reading: Three years into my marriage My Husband Suddenly Blocked me out of his life

    3. There’s a denial of events and conversations

    Ruchi says, “The gaslighting partner might often try to deny something ever happened at all. They might undermine the victim’s own perceptions and memory.” You may also find that your partner continues to throw gaslighting statements at you, such as:

    • “This never happened.”
    • “Were you dreaming about it?”
    • “You didn’t hear it right.”
    • “Were you hallucinating?”

    Over time, this emotional abuse might cause immense distress. The gaslit partner might actually start doubting their memory.

    gaslighting meaning in relationships
    You know you’re being gaslit when your partner denies events and conversations

    4. Your sanity is questioned often

    One of the 35 disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship is when your sanity is doubted. Ruchi says, “Often, a gaslighting spouse may attack their victim’s mental stability and perceptual set or experiences.” So, in this case, you may hear them make gaslighting statements such as:

    • “You’re crazy. Go see a therapist.”
    • “Why don’t you get a check on your brain?”

    Related Reading: 18 Subtle Signs Of Insecurity In A Relationship

    5. You’re accused of being too insecure

    A gaslighting spouse or partner will, with their constant emotional abuse, make you feel like an insecure person from time to time. Ruchi says, “So, whenever you have a problem with their actions or with a person they interact with, they will make you seem like the problem and use insulting gaslighting terms.” So, you may hear gaslighting phrases from them, such as:

    • “You’re just imagining things. I was not flirting with her.”
    • “You’re feeling too insecure these days. Why don’t you work on yourself?”

    6. You’re often told you misunderstand them

    Ruchi says, “Gaslighting partners often accuse you of misunderstanding them and their intentions.” So, you might often hear gaslighting comments from them, such as:

    • “I never said that.”
    • “You misunderstood me.”

    They might even say this right after they’ve said something offensive or damaging.

    Related Reading: How To Deal With Jealousy In Relationships?

    7. You’re often accused of fabricating or creating stories

    One of the gaslighting examples is when you’re accused of imagining fake scenarios. Ruchi says, “When someone gaslights you, they can say you’re cooking up stories when you confront them with something that has offended or disrespected you.” So, you may end up hearing these gaslighting statements from your partner too often:

    • “Stop making things up.”
    • “Stop trying to make me feel guilty by creating fake scenarios.”

    8. They say you’re suspecting too much

    Have you ever been told you’re always suspicious? If you have a partner who’s using gaslighting techniques, it’s common to hear gaslighting statements from them, such as:

    • “You are being paranoid.”
    • “Chill! I’m not trying to hide anything from you.”

    Ruchi says, “When you react to not being told the truth or something being hidden from you, perhaps a secret meeting with their ex or a chat with a lover, they might react by saying you’re just being paranoid.”

    Related Reading: Dreams About Spouse Cheating — What They Mean And What You Can Do

    9. They say you’re forgetting things

    “You are remembering it wrong” — it’s such an innocent statement, right? But it can turn toxic when a gaslighting spouse uses it to challenge the victim’s memory. Picture this: You’ve had a conversation with your partner about them bringing the kids back from school because you have an important client call to attend on Skype. But they completely ignore their responsibility. Instead, your partner falsely accuses you of forgetting that they had said they wouldn’t be able to pick the kids up. Ruchi says, “This is how a gaslighting partner challenges your memory and your hold of your own reality.”

    10. They always point out your flaws

    A gaslighting person keeps reminding you of your flaws and shortcomings and may even be sarcastic about them. You will, thus, always have a feeling of not being good enough for them. This is a mind game they play to control you. A friend of mine, Anthony, once broke down over a call with me and related how he was being gaslit by his wife, Susan. He said, “She’s never happy with me. Right from the choice of my shirt to the food that I order, she finds faults with everything. I don’t know what to do.” Well, I had to break it to Anthony that he was being gaslit. This is one of the classic examples of gaslighting.

    Related Reading: What Are Relationship Flaws And How To Deal With Them

    11. You’re made to feel you’re obsessed with something

    So, often when you catch a gaslighting spouse doing something wrong and demand answers from them, for instance, for cheating on you or lying to you about something, they might accuse you of being fixated on the idea. You might hear gaslighting comments from them, such as:

    • “You’re too obsessed with this.”
    • “Can’t you just drop it and move on?”

    Ruchi says, “Sometimes, particularly in case of infidelity, it’s hard to let go or forget about the incident, as it keeps playing on your mind. But a gaslighting partner will not make you feel heard. Instead, they’ll try to portray you as a clingy or obsessive spouse/partner.”

    Gaslighting terms
    A gaslighting partner may accuse you of being obsessed

    12. They say you’re misinterpreting things

    Do these gaslighting terms and statements below sound familiar to you?

    • “You’re taking things the wrong way. I didn’t mean it like that.”
    • “You’re just taking things out of context.”

    Ruchi feels, “When you’re always blamed for misinterpreting situations or conversations, rather than getting the apology you deserve for your feelings being hurt, you know for sure they’re gaslighting you.”

    Related Reading: 8 Ways To Reconnect After A Big Fight

    13. You’re told you can’t handle the truth

    Ruchi says, “Gaslighters often portray themselves as people who’re honest and call a spade a spade. But mostly, that’s not the case.” They do this so that instead of taking accountability in relationships, they blame the victim for not being mature enough to handle the truth. Now, the truth can often be masked by derision or sarcasm about their partner’s looks, career choices, or dress sense.

    14. You’re portrayed as cynical

    “You’re always looking for problems. Can’t you just be happy?” Have you often heard those words from your partner? Well chances are, they’re gaslighting you. Ruchi feels, “Such people are hardly concerned about you but they pretend to be too positive to neglect your concerns.” So, they may:

    • Not want you to bring up issues in the relationship
    • Dismiss your feelings and thoughts, terming them ‘negative’
    • Claim you’re too critical of things

    Related Reading: How To Deal With A Negative Spouse – 15 Expert-Backed Tips

    15. You’re termed an ‘attention seeker’

    Have you often been told you’re trying to seek attention when all you were trying to do was tell your partner about an incident that bothered you? Ruchi says, “When you’ve expressed your need for validation, and your partner has dismissed them or belittled them, terming you an attention seeker, it can make you feel like your voice doesn’t matter. This is how you recognize gaslighting.”

    gaslighting examplesgaslighting examples
    If you’re with a gaslighter, they may accuse you of being an attention-seeker

    16. You’re walking on eggshells

    One of the 35 disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship is that you find yourself walking on eggshells. You’ll be anxious and scared to hurt your partner’s feelings all the time. In such cases, you might be scared to even express your thoughts and views about day-to-day activities, such as:

    • Asking them to plan a vacation
    • Telling them you need to visit your parents next weekend
    • Informing them of a work trip

    Related Reading: “My Anxiety Is Ruining My Relationship”: 6 Ways It Does And 5 Ways To Manage It

    17. You’re told you’re an irrational person

    The ability to be vulnerable with each other is one of the defining traits of healthy relationships. Ruchi says, “But if merely asking for some emotional security makes your partner term you an ‘irrational person’, you can rest assured they’re gaslighting you and that yours is a toxic relationship. They are trying to turn your vulnerability into a reason to make you feel bad about yourself.”

    18. They call you ‘manipulative’

    “You’re trying to manipulate me by making me do what you want me to.” — Have you often heard your partner say this to you for no apparent reason? Well, Ruchi says, “Gaslighters often turn the tables and accuse the victim of using them or manipulating them in relationships when they try to make them understand their needs or boundaries.”

    Related Reading: ‘My Husband Starts Fights And Then Blames Me’: Ways To Cope

    19. Blame-shifting occurs often

    Have you often heard your partner say things like, “You’re the problem, not me”? Well, shifting blame and refusing to take ownership of their mistakes is a classic sign of gaslighting. Ruchi says, “This is pure deflection. This is how gaslighters undermine your reality and make you responsible for their actions.”

    A Reddit user shares his story of being gaslit by his spouse: “…she would misplace her own things, then yell at me for “losing” them or throwing them away – so I’d have to dig through all kinds of closets and places, only to have it be somewhere where I would have had no reason to put the item.”

    20. They accuse you of being hostile

    Here is one of the classic examples of gaslighting. My friend, Nancy, once related an incident that still strikes me when I think of gaslighting examples. She had a fight with her aggressive partner while attempting to address issues in her relationship.

    Related Reading: 7 Reasons You Feel Uneasy In Your Relationship And 3 Things You Can Do

    But then she was left feeling like she was the one who was aggressive. Her partner left the room, slamming the door, but not before saying, “You’re trying to pick a fight again. I can’t talk to you when you’re so dramatic and hostile.” This is a classic case of gaslighting, where they try to escape giving explanations by pinning the blame for being hostile on you.

    21. They isolate you

    One of the warning signs of gaslighting in relationships (as well as that of narcissistic personality disorder) is when your partner tries to isolate you from your family, friends, and loved ones. This way, they gain power and can manipulate you further, as you will be devoid of a support system to fall back on. So, they might:

    • Try to brainwash you by lying to you about your close friends or family
    • Prevent you from meeting your loved ones

    22. They call you ‘needy’

    Ruchi says, “You may be genuinely looking for support during a distressing time, such as a medical emergency or an important meeting at work, and when you ask your partner for help, you may be dismissed as being too needy or an overly dependent person.” So, gaslighters might say things such as:

    • “You’re too needy. Stop depending on me all the time.”
    • “Be independent. You can’t ask me to make you happy all the time.”

    Related Reading: Causes & Signs Of An Emotionally Exhausting Relationship And How To Fix Them

    23. They play the ‘victim’

    “You’re making me look like a ‘bad guy’, aren’t you?” — Have you heard your partner say this to you often? Ruchi says, “You’ll often find a gaslighting partner accusing you of painting them in a bad light or portraying them as the villain in your equation.” So, one of the examples of gaslighting is when they play the victim so that they can’t be blamed for their ruthless actions.

    24. They say you exaggerate things

    A gaslighting partner might often make you believe that your truth isn’t really the truth. Ruchi says, “They will make you believe you’re exaggerating scenarios and that you’re the one who’s at fault for being affected by things or events.”

    25. You’re told you’re ungrateful

    Ruchi believes, “Everybody wants to be seen as a good person. So, if your partner tells you you’re being ungrateful, it might make you feel small.” This is another way a gaslighter attacks you. They make you feel you aren’t appreciating them and their efforts enough.

    Related Reading: Resentment In A Relationship – Signs, Causes, And How To Let Go

    26. They say you’re too controlling

    One of the examples of gaslighting is when they control you and then call you controlling. Ruchi says, “Often, when you assert your relationship boundaries and preferences, stating you would or wouldn’t do something or that they shouldn’t neglect or dismiss your needs, the gaslighting partner might quickly retort by accusing you of being too controlling.” So, they might end up saying things such as:

    • “You can’t make me do that.”
    • “How are you dictating what I should or shouldn’t do?”

    27. You’re branded ‘delusional’

    When a gaslighter tries to invalidate your thoughts, they might brand you ‘delusional’ to disregard your thoughts and feelings. Yes, ‘delusional’ is a heavy term and Ruchi says, “It can create a cocktail of insecurity and negativity in your mind, making you feel as if there’s something wrong with you.”

    Gaslighting commentsGaslighting comments
    A gaslighting partner may often term you ‘delusional’

    28. They term you ‘too emotional’

    Now, this is a tag of emotional invalidation. Ruchi agrees, “Most people who come to me for couples therapy talk about their partners being too sensitive or emotional about daily events.” But this accusation amounts to gaslighting, because:

    • It brands your emotions as excessive or unwarranted
    • It implies you should keep mum when there are things that should be said

    Related Reading: 11 Warning Signs Of Lack Of Emotional Connection In Relationships

    29. They don’t take accountability

    “You’re responsible, not me” — This is another one of the classic things gaslighters say. Ruchi says, “Diverting accountability and not taking responsibility in relationships is a classic sign of gaslighting in relationships.”

    30. ‘Hot and cold’ behavior

    A prominent gaslighting sign (and that of narcissistic personality disorder too) is when your partner’s behavior fluctuates. So, they might heap praises on you one day, and then criticize you the next day. Or may prioritize you above all else, and then discard you like you mean nothing to them. This is actually a carefully crafted way to keep you hooked. You will never leave them, as you will keep waiting for that occasional act of validation or positive reinforcement.

    Related Reading: Hot And Cold Women, Why Do They Act This Way?

    31. You’re always apologizing

    If your default response to every argument or conversation with them is “I’m sorry” or “I shouldn’t have done that”, it’s a clear indicator your partner is gaslighting you. A gaslighter’s main weapon is to make you feel bad about your actions and elicit apologies from you.

    32. There’s a big mismatch between their actions and words

    A gaslighter’s actions almost never match with their words. Yes, they can bluff and make grandiose claims, and yet, when it comes to keeping their promises or living up to their words, they will be found wanting.

    33. They minimize your voice

    Have you ever heard your partner saying the following to you?

    • “You make mountains out of molehills.”
    • “It’s not such a big deal!”

    Well, accusing you of making insignificant things seem big or blowing things out of proportion is a gaslighting partner’s way of minimizing your voice and concerns. Ruchi says, “They make you look like a fool for voicing your needs or showcasing your emotions. It’s as if your needs don’t matter and you’re asking for too much.”

    Related Reading: 21 Stages Of A Narcissistic Relationship With An Empath

    34. You’re told you love ‘drama’

    If you’re still wondering how to know if your partner is gaslighting you, remember, a gaslighting person may often say that you’re being a drama queen (or king), when you challenge their actions with hard evidence. So, you may hear things such as:

    • “Stop being so dramatic.”
    • “Don’t create a scene.”

    Ruchi believes, “This way, they undermine their victims’ emotions without validating their reactions.”

    35. You’re always seeking acceptance

    A typical trait of a gaslighter is that they can enslave your mind. So much so, that you may find yourself begging for their attention or acceptance because they’ve made you believe that you’re flawed and they’re doing you a favor by being with you. If you’re trying to figure out how to know if your partner is gaslighting you, pay attention to how they make you feel about yourself.

    Stories about suffering and healing

    How To Respond To Gaslighting

    So, now that we are acquainted with 35 disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship, with various gaslighting examples and phrases, aren’t you wondering how to deal with this menace? Well, we’ll take a look at how to respond to gaslighting, in this section.

    Let’s first look at what a Reddit user shares about his plight of dealing with a gaslighting partner: “Every time I let one of these things pass without leaving her, I betrayed myself and weakened my own mind. Don’t get me wrong, I confronted her. I tried to talk her into acknowledging that these things didn’t make sense. I foolishly believed that there was some level at which she had to acknowledge a shared reality with me. This is not true. You can take a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. You can have a conversation with a psychopath but you cannot make them communicate.”

    Related Reading: What Is Narcissistic Ghosting And How To Respond To It

    But is the scenario this grim? Can a gaslighting partner not be managed at all? Well, Ruchi disagrees. She feels you can respond to gaslighting in an effective manner. How? She gives us a few tips to deal with gaslighting in relationships:

    • Stop doubting yourself: To deal with a gaslighting partner, you must ditch self-doubt and be aware of your own reality. Ruchi feels, “You should trust your own judgment with enough self-confidence and say things like: “I know what I saw. Don’t make me doubt my sanity.” Be open about your reality and vocal about it. Avoid negative self-talk and don’t feel ashamed
    • Maintain a journal: Write a daily journal, keeping a written record of the daily events. Ruchi feels, “So, now, you can turn around and say, “Look, your account doesn’t match with mine, I am not imagining things.” This is not to blackmail or challenge your gaslighting partner but to clarify your own doubts when you’re challenged
    • Set your boundaries right: It’s crucial to set boundaries in every relationship, and even more so in abusive relationships. Ruchi advises, “Try and set strict boundaries and be able to say things like, “I won’t tolerate being manipulated like this” or “I have this evidence this is not true”. Be mindful of your own needs and avoid any emotional response
    • Seek support from a trusted network: Be surrounded by supportive people, be it a therapist, family members, a support group, or friends. Ruchi says, “You should have a trusted network that offers you support and validation. These are people who should know you or your reality, are not always challenging you, and are able to show you that you are being manipulated. Spending time with them will also offer some much-needed mental relief.”
    • Take a break: It’s advisable to step back and take a break when you’re constantly fearing conflict with your gaslighting partner. Ruchi says, “When you’ve had a heated argument and are not able to think clearly, take a break and gather your thoughts. Clear out the conversations in your head and get some time to think about how to respond to your gaslighting partner with ease. Focus on self-care and remember, your mental health is your responsibility.”
    • Educate yourself: The more you know about gaslighting in relationships, the more you’ll be able to counter it. Ruchi suggests, “Get some professional help, talk to a therapist, watch videos, and read books on this psychological manipulation tactic, and remember that you’re not alone.”

    Key Pointers

    • What is gaslighting in a relationship? Gaslighting is when someone tries to manipulate you by invalidating or negating your reality
    • The 35 disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship included blame-shifting, isolating you, calling you needy, and accusing you of being overly sensitive
    • Some ways to deal with gaslighting are ditching self-doubt, setting boundaries, maintaining a written record, and educating yourself about gaslighting

    Through this article, we have tried to help you recognize 35 disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship. Gaslighting is a dangerous game of control and manipulation and almost always ends with the gaslit person losing their sanity and sense of self-esteem. But with the tips stated in our article, you will be able to manage a gaslighting spouse effectively.

    Remember, emotional abuse of any form, be it through gaslighting or not, can cause long-term mental health issues and can also escalate to domestic abuse. If you feel making amends with a gaslighting partner is not worth it, irrespective of your level of emotional investment, feel free to disengage. After all, you only live once. So, stop making excuses, value your self-worth, and remember, you’re the only person who can help yourself out of this mess.

    FAQs

    1. How do I identify a gaslighter?

    A gaslighter will show many signs, such as invalidating your emotions, isolating you from friends and family, and making you seem needy and overly sensitive.

    2. How do you outsmart a gaslighter?

    You need to keep track of events and gather hard evidence to challenge them when they try to make you doubt your sanity. You also need to set healthy boundaries.

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  • Ghosted After First Date? Why It Happens And How To Deal

    Ghosted After First Date? Why It Happens And How To Deal

    In the world of modern dating, few experiences are as perplexing and disheartening as being ghosted after a promising first date. The elation of a seemingly successful connection can swiftly transform into bewilderment and disappointment when communication abruptly ceases. In my own experience, I vividly recall the sting of being ghosted after first date.

    The evening held the promise of potential romance. Laughter echoed through the air, shared stories resonated, and sparks seemed to flicker in the eyes of my date. However, as the days unfolded, my attempts to rekindle that initial connection met with resounding silence — a phenomenon that has become all too common in this age of fleeting connections and instant gratification. 

    In this article, we’ll explore the possible reasons behind this phenomenon and how to deal with it, with some valuable insights from Dhriti Bhavsar (Master’s degree in Psychology, with specialization in Clinical Psychology), who specializes in relationship counseling, premarital counseling, LGBTQ issues, and breakups.

    What Qualifies As Ghosting After First Date?

    The experience of modern dating can be confusing, particularly when a person ghosts you after a seemingly promising encounter. But what does being ghosted mean, especially in the context of a ghost after first date? Simply put, ghosting after the first date occurs when someone abruptly stops all communication, leaving the other party in a state of uncertainty and disappointment.

    This elusive phenomenon extends beyond the absence of a text or call — it’s a vanishing act that extends to all forms of digital communication. The messages that once flowed effortlessly suddenly dwindle into silence, and attempts to rekindle the spark are met with an echoing void. Whether it’s the unanswered text that lingers for days or the unreturned call that remains suspended in ambiguity, the experience of being ghosted after first date raises questions about communication norms in the contemporary dating landscape.

    Understanding what qualifies as ghosting after first date is crucial for people trying to form connections in an era where swift, often impersonal, digital interactions can leave one hanging in the balance.

    For more expert-backed insights, visit our YouTube channel

    Why Would Someone Ghost After First Date? 5 Possible Reasons

    When someone ghosts you after a promising first date, the lack of closure can be a perplexing and disheartening experience. The elation of a seemingly successful connection can swiftly transform into bewilderment and disappointment when communication abruptly ceases. From uncertain feelings and fear of confrontation to the overwhelming array of options and personal struggles, there are countless reasons why someone might choose to ghost after a first date. 

    Understanding the motivations behind ghosting after first date requires delving into the complexities of modern dating. Here are five possible reasons why someone might choose to ghost after first date:

    1. They were uncertain about their feelings

    Are you wondering, “Why did they stop texting?” Well, sometimes, people may feel uncertain about their own emotions or the connection established during the first date. Rather than confronting this ambiguity, they opt for the seemingly easier route of disengagement.

    Related Reading: How To Deal With Uncertainty In Relationships | Tips To Cope

    2. They were afraid of a possible confrontation

    Confronting a lack of interest or disengagement can be uncomfortable for some, leading them to opt for silence as a way to avoid potentially difficult or awkward conversations. In the context of dating, where emotions are often heightened and vulnerability is involved, the prospect of confronting someone about their feelings or lack thereof can be daunting.

    Dhriti says, “Addressing a lack of interest or potential relationship compatibility can be uncomfortable, and some may choose to avoid potential confrontation by silently withdrawing from the budding relationship. Ghosting becomes an evasive strategy to sidestep difficult conversations.”

    3. They were overwhelmed by the abundance of options out there

    First dates often don’t go anywhere, no matter how great they might have felt back in the moment. In a digital dating landscape brimming with choices, some people might succumb to the allure of endless possibilities. The ease of finding alternative connections online can contribute to a disposal mentality, making it easier to ghost someone after a great date.

    Related Reading: Feeling Like An Option In A Relationship? 6 Reasons And 5 Things To Do

    4. They were dealing with their own personal issues

    External factors, such as personal challenges or emotional baggage, can influence someone’s ability to engage in a new relationship. Ghosting may be a coping mechanism for those grappling with internal struggles. Dhriti says, “They might have an avoidant attachment style from adverse experiences in the past. If this is the case, then essentially, they felt too much too soon, and that made them uncomfortable.

    “People with this attachment style tend to ghost potential matches because they’re afraid of being deeply hurt in a way that they’ve experienced before. They’re not avoiding you, they’re avoiding a possible repetition of history. Very rarely, it’s a manipulation tactic to get the other person to obsess over them. Such people oscillate between giving too much attention or none at all.”

    5. They had different expectations

    Differences in expectations regarding the pace or nature of the relationship can lead to ghosting. If one person perceives the connection as casual, while the other envisions a more serious relationship, the dissonance may prompt one party to retreat without an explanation. Navigating the nuances of ghosting after the first date requires acknowledging the diverse motivations that drive such behavior. This ultimately prompts individuals to reassess their own approach to communication and emotional transparency in the dating realm.

    Being ghosted can be a perplexing and disheartening experience

    What To Do When Someone Ghosts You — 11 Tips To Get Over It

    Experiencing the bewildering sting of being ghosted after what seemed like a promising connection can leave one grappling with a myriad of emotions. If you’re wondering why dating sucks, it’s because being abruptly cut off from communication can evoke feelings of confusion, rejection, and even self-doubt. However, amidst the uncertainty and disappointment, there exists a path toward healing and empowerment. Knowing what to do when someone ghosts you is pivotal in reclaiming your emotional well-being and navigating the complexities of relationships with resilience and grace. In this guide, we delve into 11 actionable tips on what to do when that happens and how to get over being ghosted:

    1. Reflect on your feelings

    If you’re wondering, “What does being ghosted mean or tell about me?”, reflect on your feelings. Dhriti tells us how to do this:

    • Take a moment to acknowledge and process your emotions: It’s okay to feel hurt or confused after being ghosted. Allow yourself to recognize and validate the emotions stirred by the ghosting experience. Whether it’s a sense of romantic rejection, confusion, or disappointment, acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward healing
    • Journal your thoughts: Explore the nuances of the connection and your expectations. This self-awareness lays the foundation for a more comprehensive understanding of the situation
    • Don’t blame yourself: As you reflect, avoid placing undue blame on yourself. Understand that being ghosted often speaks more about the other person’s communication style or personal challenges than about any perceived inadequacies on your part
    • Practice self-compassion: Recognizing that you are not defined by the actions of others enables you to approach the healing process with a healthier perspective. By fostering self-compassion, you pave the way for a more resilient and positive outlook on your dating journey

    Related Reading: 9 Things Ghosting Says About You More Than The Person You Ghosted

    2. Reach out, but not more than once

    After being ghosted, the desire for closure and understanding is natural. To address this need, consider reaching out to the person who ghosted you with a single, concise message. This step is not about demanding an explanation or placing blame but rather about seeking clarity and closure for your own emotional well-being and mental health. Here’s a thoughtful approach to reaching out:

    • Choose a calm and neutral tone: Craft a message that reflects a neutral tone. Avoid accusatory language or emotional confrontations. Express your feelings in a way that invites open communication without placing undue pressure
    • Seek clarity, not confrontation: Pose your message as an inquiry rather than an accusation. Ask if everything is okay, or express that you noticed a shift in communication and that you’re interested in understanding what might have happened. This opens the door for a potential explanation, without creating a confrontational atmosphere
    • Keep it concise: Your message should be brief and to the point. Avoid pouring out your emotions or overwhelming the other person with a lengthy message. A concise inquiry demonstrates respect for their time and emotions while conveying your genuine interest in understanding the situation
    • Be prepared for any response (or none): Understand that the response, if any, might vary. They may offer an explanation, apologize, or remain silent. Be mentally prepared for any outcome, and resist the urge to follow up with multiple messages if you don’t receive a response
    • Respect their decision: Regardless of the response, respect their decision and boundaries. If they choose not to provide an explanation, accept it gracefully. Pressing for answers may not yield the closure you seek and could potentially create additional tension
    • Use it as a tool for personal growth: Regardless of the response, view reaching out as an opportunity for personal growth. It showcases your capability for open communication and your willingness to navigate challenging situations maturely. Use the experience as a stepping stone for improving your own communication skills and emotional resilience

    Reaching out once allows you to address your need for closure while maintaining a respectful and understanding demeanor. It’s a proactive step toward gaining insights into the situation, and whether or not you receive the answers you seek, the act of reaching out can contribute to your own emotional healing and growth.

    Related Reading: The Top 10 Causes Of Relationship Problems – And Why They Fail

    3. Don’t internalize it

    Amid the whirlwind of emotions following a ghosting experience, it’s common to dwell on the question, “What does being ghosted mean or say about me?” It’s essential to resist internalizing the situation and blaming yourself.

    • Understand that being ghosted is often a reflection of the other person’s circumstances, preferences, or emotional readiness for a relationship, rather than a commentary on your worth or desirability
    • Avoid the trap of overanalyzing every detail of the date or replaying conversations in search of perceived mistakes. People’s actions are shaped by many factors beyond your control
    • Remind yourself that everyone brings their own complexities and histories to the dating scene, and sometimes, connections don’t evolve as anticipated — people ghost for a variety of reasons that you probably aren’t aware of and that don’t involve you.

    Dhriti says, “Instead of carrying the weight of self-blame, focus on fostering self-compassion. Acknowledge your own value, independent of the outcome of this particular connection. By separating your self-worth from external events, you empower yourself to navigate future relationships with a healthier mindset and a greater sense of self-assurance. Remember, the path to healing begins with recognizing that you are deserving of respect, honesty, and genuine connections.”

    4. Seek support from friends and family

    During the aftermath of being ghosted after first date, the importance of leaning on a support system cannot be overstated. Share your experience with trusted friends or family members who can provide a listening ear, empathy, and a fresh perspective. Opening up about your feelings not only helps release pent-up emotions but also allows you to gain insights from those who care about your well-being. Here’s how to go about it:

    • Choose people who offer constructive advice and encouragement, steering clear of those who might inadvertently contribute to negativity
    • Engage in honest conversations about the situation, as that can bring clarity and comfort, reinforcing the notion that you are not alone in navigating the challenges of dating
    • Talk to friends and family, as they can provide valuable distractions and opportunities for laughter, which can help you deal with loneliness after being ghosted

    Remember, seeking support is not a sign of weakness, but a testament to your resilience and willingness to face challenges head-on. The collective wisdom of your support network can serve as a guiding light, helping you navigate the path toward healing and self-discovery.

    stories about breakup and loss

    5. Focus on self-care

    Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your well-being is crucial during this time. Here are several ways to focus on self-care during this challenging period:

    • Focus on emotional expression: Allow yourself to express and process your emotions in a healthy way. Whether through journaling, talking to friends, or seeking professional support, acknowledging and understanding your feelings is a crucial aspect of self-care
    • Engage in activities you love: Reconnect with activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s a hobby, a favorite pastime, or exploring new interests, engaging in activities that resonate with your passions can be therapeutic
    • Establish healthy routines: Maintain a regular routine that prioritizes your well-being. This includes consistent sleep patterns, nutritious meals, and regular exercise. Establishing these habits contributes to overall resilience and a sense of normalcy
    • Set boundaries: During the healing process, it’s essential to set boundaries that protect your emotional health. This may involve taking a break from dating apps, limiting contact with the person who ghosted you, or establishing personal space for reflection
    • Practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Incorporate mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, into your daily routine. These techniques can help alleviate stress, promote emotional clarity, and foster a sense of calm
    • Pamper yourself: Treat yourself to small indulgences that bring comfort and relaxation. Whether it’s a soothing bath, a favorite meal, or a day of self-pampering, these acts of kindness toward yourself reinforce the importance of self-love

    Prioritizing self-care is an ongoing process that fosters resilience, self-compassion, and a strengthened sense of self. By investing time and energy in activities that nurture your overall well-being, you equip yourself with the tools needed to navigate the challenges of being ghosted and emerge from the experience with newfound strength and clarity.

    Related Reading: How To Move On When A Breakup Hits Hard

    6. Set realistic expectations beforehand

    Ghosting often occurs when expectations and intentions don’t align. To deal with this effectively, it’s crucial to set realistic expectations for your interactions. Understand that not every connection will blossom into a real relationship, and that’s perfectly normal. Recognize the fickle nature of early dating signs and acknowledge that people bring diverse experiences and expectations to the table. Miscommunications and differences in romantic goals can contribute to the decision to ghost after a first date. 

    According to Dhriti, “While it’s natural to hope for a positive outcome, maintaining a balanced outlook allows you to navigate the dating scene with greater emotional resilience. Setting realistic expectations empowers you to appreciate connections for what they are in the moment, without prematurely attaching undue significance to them. This pragmatic approach positions you to navigate the ebb and flow of modern relationships with a healthier mindset and a readiness to embrace the unpredictable journey of finding meaningful connections.”

    7. Distract yourself with something constructive

    Keep busy with hobbies or activities that captivate your attention and divert your focus from being ghosted after first date. As you deal with the aftermath of being ghosted, intentional distraction can be a powerful tool to redirect your focus and alleviate the weight of the situation. Here’s how to go about it:

    • Immerse yourself in activities that captivate your attention and bring joy, whether it’s picking up a new hobby, revisiting old interests, or exploring different forms of entertainment
    • Find happiness in the little things — Consider delving into books, movies, or music that captivate your imagination and offer an escape
    • Socializing with friends and family is another effective form of distraction. Plan outings or gatherings that allow you to enjoy positive interactions and create new memories

    Ultimately, distraction serves as a valuable coping mechanism, offering respite from the emotional intensity of the situation and allowing you to gradually transition toward a mindset of acceptance and renewal.

    Related Reading: The Emotional Toll Of Breakups: 9 Reasons To Avoid Driving Post-Split

    8. Avoid blaming yourself and overthinking

    Are you still wondering what to do when someone ghosts you? Resist the urge to blame yourself or overanalyze the situation. People ghost for various reasons, many of which have nothing to do with you. It’s common to engage in self-reflection, wondering if you said or did something to trigger the abrupt end to communication. However, it’s essential to recognize that ghosting is often a reflection of the other person’s circumstances, communication style, or emotional readiness for a relationship.

    Instead of internalizing the situation, consider it an opportunity to practice self-compassion. Understand that people’s actions are influenced by various factors beyond your control. Allow yourself the grace to accept that you are deserving of genuine connections and that the specific circumstances leading to ghosting were likely outside your purview.

    By reframing the narrative and focusing on your inherent value, you shift the narrative from self-blame to self-growth. Acknowledge the inherent unpredictability of dating dynamics in the short term, recognizing that not every connection is destined for longevity. This mindset empowers you to navigate future relationships with a healthier perspective, free from the burden of unwarranted self-blame.

    9. Take it as a learning experience

    Learning from the experience of being ghosted after first date involves not just assessing the other person’s actions but also understanding your own needs and boundaries. Were there signs you might have overlooked? Did the connection align with your long-term goals and values? Use this introspective period to refine your understanding of what you seek in a relationship and the qualities you value in a potential partner.

    “Embrace the lessons gleaned from being ghosted as valuable insights into the complex world of dating. This self-awareness serves as a foundation for making informed decisions in future relationships, enabling you to navigate the intricate dance of connections with a clearer sense of self and a heightened awareness of what you genuinely desire in a partner. Remember, growth often stems from moments of challenge and reflection, and being ghosted can be a catalyst for positive transformation on your journey to finding meaningful connections,” says Dhriti.

    what to do when someone ghosts you
    Instead of blaming yourself, try to learn something from the experience

    10. Give yourself time to process the situation

    Healing takes time when you’re figuring out how to get over being ghosted. So, be patient with yourself. It’s natural to feel a range of emotions, and they will subside with time. Understand that healing is not a linear journey but involves ups and downs, and each individual’s timeline is unique. Here’s what you need to do:

    • Resist the urge to rush into new relationships or force closure
    • Give yourself the freedom to feel and acknowledge the range of emotions without judgment. Each emotion is a valid part of your healing journey
    • Engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy, whether it’s spending time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies, or simply enjoying moments of solitude

    Remember, healing is a personal process, and by granting yourself the necessary time and space, you pave the way for genuine emotional recovery and readiness for future connections.

    Related Reading: How To Take It Slow In A Relationship? 11 Helpful Tips

    11. Open up to new connections

    Are you still wondering how to get over being ghosted? As you process the ghosting experience, remain open to new possibilities. Not every encounter will end in disappointment, and maintaining a positive outlook can lead to fulfilling connections. Embrace the idea that each interaction is unique, and not every potential relationship will follow the same trajectory. Be open to meeting new people, both online and offline, recognizing that genuine connections can emerge unexpectedly. Approach these encounters with curiosity and a willingness to explore the diverse tapestry of human connections.

    Dhriti says, “While it’s natural to approach new relationships with a degree of caution, allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a crucial part of forging meaningful connections. Strike a balance between maintaining healthy boundaries and being open to the possibilities that come with meeting new people. By doing so, you reclaim agency over your dating journey and cultivate a positive outlook that enhances the potential for fulfilling connections. Remember, every new beginning is another step closer to the right person.”

    Also keep in mind that what to do when someone ghosts you depends on what brings you calm and peace. The solution often lies in a combination of self-reflection, self-care, and an openness to new beginnings. By implementing these tips on how to get over being ghosted, you’ll empower yourself to navigate the challenges of modern dating with a healthy mindset.

    Key Pointers

    • Ghosting is an all too common phenomenon that occurs in the realm of modern dating
    • Being ghosted after a great first date can be a difficult experience to deal with
    • People have their reasons for ghosting, such as fear of confrontation, emotional baggage, etc.
    • You can get through the experience by self-reflection, seeking emotional support, focusing on self-care, and more

    In the realm of modern dating, the experience of being ghosted after first date can be perplexing and emotionally taxing. Navigating the aftermath requires a delicate balance of introspection, self-care, and proactive steps. From reflecting on your feelings and seeking support to setting realistic expectations and learning from the experience, the journey toward healing is multifaceted. As you embrace self-love and openness to new connections, the resilience cultivated through these strategies becomes a guiding light, illuminating a path toward meaningful connections and a future unburdened by the ghosts of the past.

    Here’s Why I Ghosted In Online Dating

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  • 100+ Epic Hypothetical Questions For Couples

    100+ Epic Hypothetical Questions For Couples

    Embarking on the journey of love involves not just discovering shared interests but also delving into the depths of imagination. Recently, my girlfriend and I stumbled upon a couple’s activity that has strengthened our bond in ways we never anticipated – asking hypothetical questions for couples. It all began as a playful game, a mere collection of ‘what if’ scenarios that soon evolved into an exploration of each other’s minds. These hypothetical relationship scenario questions helped us create a space of vulnerability and understanding between us.

    In the process of exploring these hypothetical questions for couples, we found not only entertainment but also a powerful tool for connection. The beauty lies not just in the intriguing situational questions for couples but in the conversations they spark. As we answered these relationship scenario questions, we discovered new facets of each other, fostered empathy, and strengthened our emotional intimacy. This simple yet profound game has proven to be a gateway to a more profound connection, inviting us to ponder these what if questions for couples and revel in the joy of shared contemplation. So let’s look at some of these questions:

    Fun Hypothetical Questions For Couples

    These fun hypothetical questions are not only a source of amusement but also an opportunity to experience the playful dynamics that make relationships healthy. So, buckle up for a ride into the world of these fun hypothetical questions that will have you and your partner giggling, reflecting, and perhaps even blushing:

    1. If you could secretly eat one food item for the rest of your life without gaining weight, what would it be?
    2. In a zombie apocalypse, which three items would you grab first, and how would you use them to survive?
    3. If our sex life had a theme song, what would it be?
    4. How was our first kiss on a scale of 1 to 10? Be honest.
    5. How would you rate my kissing skills on a scale of 1 to 10?
    6. Who is your most embarrassing drunk dial?
    7. Would you accept a one-time free pass to do anything without consequences?
    8. If a genie granted you one superpower, what would it be?
    9. If we were open to the ‘hall pass’ scenario, who would your celebrity free pass be?
    10. If you could have any celebrity join our relationship for a day, who would it be and why?
    11. Be honest — do you enjoy giving oral sex?
    12. In a world where people could communicate only through interpretive dance, how would we have a deep conversation?
    13. If a magical remote control could rewind or fast-forward any moment in our relationship, which moment would you choose to relive or skip?
    14. Imagine we both had the chance to attend Hogwarts. Which house would we each belong to?
    15. If I developed superpowers that would make your life better but make me look like a hideous monster, what would you do?
    16. If we woke up with the ability to read each other’s minds for an entire day, what’s the first thing you would want to know?
    17. If you had to choreograph a dance routine to represent our love story, which song would you choose and what moves would be included?
    18. In a parallel universe where everyone gets one wish, what would yours be?
    19. If you had the power to make one thing about me absolutely irresistible, what would it be?
    20. If we had a time machine, where and when would you want us to go as a couple?
    Hypothetical relationship questions are a great way for a couple to bond

    Relationship Scenario Questions

    The following relationship scenario questions aim to delve into hypothetical situations that may arise in the course of love, challenging couples to consider their responses and reinforcing the bonds that hold them together. From rekindling romance in a long-term relationship to handling unexpected challenges, these hypothetical questions to ask your boyfriend are designed to spark meaningful conversations that can fortify the foundations of a partnership:

    1. How would we keep the romance alive if we find it difficult to be physically intimate anymore?
    2. If you could recreate our first date, what would you change to make it even more memorable?
    3. In a scenario where both of you have hectic schedules, how would you prioritize date nights to keep the connection strong?
    4. What creative methods would you employ to spice up your sex life if it started to feel routine?
    5. If circumstances forced you into a long-distance relationship, what strategies would you use to maintain emotional closeness?
    6. How would you handle a situation where one of us wants to be physically intimate, and the other isn’t in the mood?
    7. If your partner’s personality suddenly changed due to a medical problem, how would you adapt and support them?
    8. How would we keep the spark alive when daily responsibilities threaten to overshadow the relationship?
    9. In a scenario where I accidentally called you by someone else’s name, how would you handle the situation?
    10. How would you ensure both partners have enough alone time to maintain individual identities within the relationship?
    11. If your parents forced you to break up with me, what would you do?
    12. If we were stranded on a deserted island, how would we collaborate to survive, and what role would each of us play?
    13. If I got a new job that required frequent relocation, how would you feel?
    14. If you found out I had been intentionally avoiding discussing a particular issue, how would you encourage open communication?
    15. Suppose a disagreement arises over a fundamental value or belief. How would you navigate such a scenario while respecting each other’s perspectives?
    16. Picture a moment where one of you experiences a significant career setback. How would you provide support and encouragement?
    17. If a sudden financial crisis occurred, how would you both approach the challenge and make decisions to overcome it together?
    18. In a hypothetical scenario, where I temporarily lost all memories of our relationship, how would you help me rediscover our emotional connection?
    19. Suppose your partner unexpectedly reconnects with an ex-lover on social media. How would you address any concerns or insecurities that arise?
    20. If a friend or family member disapproves of our relationship, how would you handle the situation?

    Related Reading: 51 Bonding Questions For Couples To Strengthen A Relationship

    Situational Questions For Couples

    Situational what if questions for couples delve into hypothetical scenarios that prompt reflection, communication, and a deeper understanding of one another. From contemplating life-altering events to envisioning fantastical scenarios, these hypothetical questions to ask your boyfriend invite couples to explore the boundaries of their connection, fostering a greater sense of intellectual intimacy and shared vision. So, let’s take a look at a few situational questions for couples, navigating through scenarios that not only entertain but also reveal the resilience and depth of a healthy relationship:

    1. If your current partner overheard someone spreading a false rumor about your relationship, how would you reassure and strengthen your bond?
    2. If one of us won the lottery tomorrow, what would you want to do with the money?
    3. How would you handle a scenario where I reveal one of my darkest secrets, testing the foundations of trust in our relationship?
    4. If you were granted the opportunity to live forever but not me, what would you do?
    5. If I suggested we have an open relationship, how would you react?
    6. If you had the chance to wait until the perfect moment to propose, where and when would it be, and what would make it ideal?
    7. If we had the ability to read each other’s minds, would you want us to use it?
    8. If I said I wanted to elope rather than have a traditional wedding day, how would you approach this decision?
    9. How would you navigate a scenario where external factors put a strain on our relationship, and what measures would you take to stay connected?
    10. If both of our families were against our committed relationship, how would you handle it?
    11. If you had to pick one major thing that’s necessary for a healthy relationship, which one would it be?
    12. What is the best way to keep the spark alive in terms of meeting both of our romantic wishes?
    13. If you both had the ability to swap lives for a day, what insights do you think you’d gain about each other?
    14. If your favorite celebrity confessed their undying love for you, would you leave me?
    15. If we went for a standup comedy show, and a comedian made offensive jokes about our relationship just to “spark conversations”, how would you react?
    16. If we suddenly discovered that I am a descendant of a historical figure who was a cruel tyrant, how would you feel?
    17. If Elon Musk said that he would pay us a billion dollars to colonize outer space, but it had to be only the two of us, would you want us to accept the offer?
    18. Picture a situation where you could erase one challenge or obstacle from my past. What would it be, and how would it impact our present together?
    19. If being in a romantic relationship meant sacrificing one (just one) of your core values, would you still want to be with me?
    20. In a hypothetical world where technology allows us to experience each other’s dreams, would you want to, or is it an invasion of privacy?
    More on dating tips

    Weird Hypothetical Questions To Ask Your Partner

    Unleash the whimsy and embrace the peculiar with our collection of weird hypothetical questions to ask your boyfriend, designed to add a touch of eccentricity to your conversations with your partner. Beyond the ordinary discussions of everyday life, lies a realm of curiosity and imagination that these questions are eager to explore. So, prepare for a journey into the delightfully weird, where the absurd and fantastical collide, inviting you and your partner to share laughs, surprises, and perhaps even some raised eyebrows. Let the unconventional inquiries begin with these questions:

    1. If a zombie apocalypse broke out, and you could save only one item from your possessions, would you choose it over me?
    2. In a bizarre twist, you have the power to permanently eliminate one type of inconvenience for humanity. What would you choose to erase from existence?
    3. Imagine you both developed superpowers overnight. What extraordinary abilities would you want, and how would you use them in your daily lives?
    4. If you were faced with the challenge of sleeping with a hideous monster to save the world, would you do it?
    5. In a parallel universe where giving oral compliments had supernatural effects, what compliment would you give each other to create magical outcomes?
    6. Picture a scenario where society unanimously stopped shaving. How would you adapt to this newfound trend?
    7. If you could save ten innocent people from death but at the cost of a baby’s life, would you do it?
    8. In a world where laughter was a form of currency, do you think we could make money off of my jokes?
    9. If a genie granted you the ability to have an orgasm every time you sneezed, would you accept it?
    10. If you had to choose between me (but I’m severely deformed) and being single for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
    11. If you could switch places with your partner for a day, like in the movie Freaky Friday, would you do it?
    12. Imagine a world where communication solely relies on expressing emotions through art, how would you convey your feelings to your partner, and what form of art would you choose?
    13. In a world where partners could exchange emotions at will, how would you use this ability to deepen your understanding of each other’s feelings?
    14. If a leprechaun granted me the ability to give you immense sexual pleasure consistently, but I had chronic bad breath, would you be fine with it?
    15. Picture this: alcohol gave me the power to heal people, but you are trying to stay sober. Would you stay with me?
    16. If I were to come out as bisexual and wanted to invite a third person (same sex as me) in our equation, would you be open to a throuple relationship?
    17. If you found out that I used to organize and host orgies, but don’t anymore, would that be a dealbreaker?
    18. If I told you that I once got myself arrested so I could secretly lace the police station’s water supply with LSD, and I got away with it, would you tell on me?
    19. If you found out that I have published trashy erotic romance novels under a pseudonym, how would you respond?
    20. If you discovered that I had been associated with pornography in college, would that be a dealbreaker?

    Related Reading: 100 Romantic Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend And Make Her Heart Melt Every Time

    Serious Hypothetical Questions For Couples

    These hypothetical questions to ask your boyfriend transcend the lighthearted and whimsical, inviting partners to explore the profound aspects of their relationship. From contemplating the significance of physical intimacy to envisioning the future, these inquiries foster a space for deep reflection and meaningful dialogue. For couples who have faced the complexities of a long-distance relationship or married couples who have weathered their storms together, these serious hypothetical questions offer a chance to strengthen bonds, unearth shared values, and forge a deeper connection that stands the test of time:

    what if questions for couples
    Asking each other hypothetical questions can increase emotional intimacy
    1. If societal norms forced your parents to choose your partner, how would you navigate that situation with our relationship in mind?
    2. If we were in a long-distance relationship, how long would you be willing to wait for us to be together?
    3. If circumstances required you to wait till a specific milestone to be physically intimate, how would you approach this challenge, and how would it impact our relationship?
    4. Imagine a scenario where married couples had to periodically renew their commitment. How would we celebrate and reaffirm our dedication to each other?
    5. Imagine a world where open relationships are the norm. How would you navigate the complexities while maintaining trust and emotional intimacy?
    6. If you want to ask me one deep question about my past, present, or future, what would it be, and why is it important to you?
    7. If you could pinpoint one thing that, for you, is the most important aspect of a committed relationship, what would that be, and how would you prioritize it?
    8. Picture a scenario where the most important thing in your partner’s life suddenly shifted. How would you support and adapt to this change?
    9. If you were both tasked with creating a set of deep questions to strengthen your connection, what topics or themes would you include, and why?
    10. If you could erase all your traumatic memories, like in the movie Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, would you do it?
    11. If you were to design a comprehensive relationship curriculum for couples, what essential lessons or topics would you include to ensure a strong foundation?
    12. Imagine a situation where external factors threatened to disrupt our shared future. How would we both navigate and overcome these challenges together?
    13. Imagine a world where memory-sharing is a common practice, what memories would you choose to share with me, and why?
    14. If I could not be physically intimate anymore, would you still want to be with me?
    15. If our relationship were a book, which chapters would you want to erase or edit?
    16. In a hypothetical situation, where you could observe a day in your partner’s life from their perspective, what insights do you think you would gain about them?
    17. If you were both granted the chance to rewrite one past mistake in your relationship, what incident would you choose, and how would you alter its course?
    18. Picture a scenario where you and your partner were tasked with creating a time capsule representing your relationship. What items or memories would you include to encapsulate your journey together?
    19. If one of my core values in the relationship becomes the opposite of yours, how would you respond?
    20. If a magical door allowed you to step into an alternate reality, how would you do things differently?

    This exploration of hypothetical questions for couples serves as a compass, guiding partners through the realms of imagination and contemplation in a romantic relationship. These inquiries, whether whimsical, serious, or downright peculiar, transcend the ordinary and provide a unique avenue for communication and connection. Through the lens of these questions, couples gain insights, strengthen their understanding, and build a shared narrative that contributes to the depth and richness of their love story.

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  • Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About Him? 18 Possible Reasons

    Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About Him? 18 Possible Reasons

    Are you finding it hard to forget someone? Well, social psychologist and Harvard professor Daniel M. Wegner spoke about how the complex mind works in his pathbreaking study years ago. Wegner apparently found out that while his subjects tried hard to suppress thoughts of white bears, it led them to think of white bears more. So, applying his results to our love lives probably answers the burning question, “Why can’t I stop thinking about him even if I try my best to?”

    In this article, we’ll look at the possible reasons why you can’t stop thinking about that guy you just met or even your ex you just decided to part ways with. We’ll also look at how obsessive thoughts work and offer you some answers to the burning question, “How do you stop thinking about someone?”, with expert insights from senior psychiatrist and mindfulness-based relationship consultant Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues. So, if you’re someone who keeps thinking, “Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?” or “Why can’t I forget the guy I just met?”, read on…

    18 Possible Reasons Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone

    So, why do we find it difficult to forget a few people? Is it our hormones, the complex mind, or something about the mystery surrounding the person? A Reddit user shares her story of being obsessed with someone she barely knows, “We’ve texted on and off since he left. Mostly light and funny texts. I love how we always have random things like that to talk about. It’s been a few months since he’s left, but why can’t I stop thinking about him?

    If you think about it, I barely know this guy. I don’t even know what he does every day now. We’ve only spent such a short time together. Less than 5x before he left. I shouldn’t be thinking about him and our time spent together. But I can’t stop.”

    Related Reading: 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It

    Dr. Batra explains what makes us obsessed with people we barely know: “If you’re always asking yourself, “Why am I so attached to someone I barely know?”, well, remember, call it love or infatuation, emotional or physical attraction, there can be several reasons as to why you can’t stop thinking about him. While you can’t always blame yourself or worry yourself sick, you need to also watch out for signs of this becoming an obsession.” Here are 18 such reasons why you can’t stop thinking about someone:

    1. You have raging hormones

    Dr. Batra says, “One of the prime reasons why you may have obsessive thoughts about a person, especially someone you’ve just met, maybe that the hormones are raging and you have a serious crush.” Whether it’s a crush or love, when you can’t get someone off your mind, it could just be the work of the happy hormones dopamine, oxytocin, and adrenaline. In fact, a 2010 Rutgers University study proved that being in love with a person is very much like drug addiction, as love activates the same areas of the brain that drugs do.

    2. You share old memories with him

    If you often ask yourself, “Why can’t I stop thinking about him?”, remember, sometimes, you may find it difficult to forget a person because of the old memories associated with them. Dr. Batra explains, “You may have old memories of someone, such as an office crush or an ex, that go back in time.” Here are some instances:

    • You may have helped a work crush with some work and you may still remember that
    • Your boss may have dropped you home someday, and that memory may have been etched in your mind
    • You may have warm memories of an enjoyable vacation with your ex
    • You may have happy memories of celebrating your birthday with your ex

    Related Reading: Do I Like Him Or The Attention? Ways To Find Out The Truth

    3. He has an admirable trait

    Dr. Batra says, “Often, we fall for an admirable trait of a man that we find interesting and then build up our entire perception of the person on that trait. This may be one of the reasons why the halo effect of that admirable trait prevents us from forgetting someone.” One of my friends, Kate, had a huge crush on her boss. He was a world traveler, and Kate loved reading his blogs and even followed all his social media handles. She was so attached to him that even after he left the country to settle overseas, Kate kept in touch. This, in spite of knowing that they would never be in a romantic relationship.

    We often miss people because of some admirable traits they possess

    4. He’s good at something that inspires you

    Are you asking yourself, “Why am I so attached to someone I barely know?” Well, apparently, when we see someone excelling at something that we like, we end up liking the person even more and can’t get them off our minds. So, in such instances, he could be good at a sport, at singing, or even at debating. The skill may resonate with you, and that sticks with you even if the person has left. As a result, you may be in a situation where you can’t focus on anything but constant thoughts about him.

    Related Reading: 9 Expert Tips To Cope With Depression After Breakup

    5. His compassionate nature

    One of the answers to your burning question, “Why can’t I stop thinking about him?”, is that you’re probably addicted to his compassionate nature. Often, we develop strong feelings for men who show their compassionate side and those who are far removed from the stereotypical masculine alpha males that we see being glorified in the media. Dr. Batra feels, “When you see he is compassionate like nobody else has ever been in your life, you may get attached and start missing the person even when he isn’t there.” His compassionate nature may be evident in:

    • The way he treats his family and friends in times of need
    • The way he helps unknown but needy people (for instance, by arranging for food during natural disasters or medical emergencies)
    • How he cares about stray animals

    6. He is not the same as the others around you

    Novelty is often alluring. So, there are high chances that you may be in love with someone or develop a strong feeling for someone just because that person, as Dr. Batra says, “…is undoubtedly different from the others in your life.” A coworker of mine, Alice, who’s a brilliant academic, joined a gym and found the trainer incredibly attractive. While the trainer was not intellectually compatible with her, she found herself daydreaming about him all the time.

    This is a classic case of being attached to someone simply because they are so different from everyone else around you. In this case, the trainer introduced Alice to a whole new world of fitness that she wasn’t acquainted with earlier. Alice, who was otherwise engrossed in her world of books and lectures and surrounded by professors, found this incredibly novel and attractive.

    Related Reading: 55 Beautiful Ways To Say I Miss You Without Saying It

    7. You share common interests with him

    Dr. Batra says, “One of the major reasons someone might occupy the mind is when the guy and you share some common interest that binds you both in a strong bond.” So you two may both be country music freaks or may both love reading, and may have shared a lot about your personal likes and dislikes. That bond may be preventing you from forgetting him when he’s gone and you may be left wondering, “Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?”

    8. He helps you on a daily basis

    Often, we miss people who have been of great help to us, and consistently. Dr. Batra too agrees, “It’s possible to be attached to someone who does something for you or offers you some sort of support consistently.” Now, this could be a psychologist who listens to your personal rants and offers you help, or a doctor who’s helped you through your struggle with a chronic illness. These people tend to occupy the mind long after their job is done.

    Related Reading: When Do Guys Start To Miss You After A Breakup? 11 Scenarios

    9. He is your comfort zone

    When you wonder, “Why can’t I stop thinking about him?”, ask yourself if he’s your comfort zone. Dr. Batra says, “When you feel at ease with him, you form a bond that makes you miss him when he isn’t around.” This could be an ex-boyfriend who was your go-to person for all the problems in life, or a supportive boss, coworker, or friend you developed romantic feelings for.

    10. He doesn’t judge you

    Dr. Batra says, “It’s when he lets you be yourself and doesn’t judge you for your quirks that you feel attached to him.” This is also when you can’t stop missing him when he’s gone. A neighbor of mine, Sasha, was always judged for her weight. Bordering on morbid obesity, she almost stopped going out and socializing, till her coworker, Bradley, started spending their office lunch hours with her. He never judged her for her weight, and Sasha finally felt she was treated like a human being with feelings.

    When Bradley left the company, Sasha began missing him a lot. She always thought theirs was a platonic bond but when she was unable to get him off her mind, she began to realize she had feelings for this guy. These feelings were rooted in the fact he was the only one in her circle who was non-judgmental toward her.

    Related Reading: 21 Psychic Signs Someone Misses You

    11. He plays ‘hard to get’

    A study by University of Rochester professors proved what many of us already know: Playing ‘hard to get’ actually works on the complex mind of humans and people consider those who are easy to impress as less valuable. So, it’s highly possible that the particular person is on your mind because he’s not giving you any attention, deliberately in some cases. Even Dr. Batra agrees, “If he’s playing hard to get, that could be a reason for you to get hooked onto him.” But this is a complicated situation, as he may also not be that much into you.

    12. He shows you that he likes you

    If you’re wondering, “Why cant’ I stop thinking about him?”, it could be because he genuinely likes you and makes it evident. So, it’s quite possible that you end up forming an attachment with him and he tends to occupy the mind because he keeps you happy and makes it obvious. So, he could be:

    • Taking you out on fancy dinner dates
    • Showering you with gifts
    • Calling and texting you regularly
    occupy the mind
    One of the reasons for missing someone is that they showed you they like you

    13. He has a calming effect

    Dr. Batra says, “At times, we are attracted to people who calm us down amid the chaos that life throws at us.” So, it’s quite possible that you may be constantly thinking of someone just because their presence and conversations calmed you to some extent.

    Related Reading: What To Do When You Miss Your Ex? Expert Tips To Ease The Pain

    14. He makes you laugh

    Now, this one’s a no-brainer. It’s common knowledge that men who make women laugh tend to occupy the mind and have a better chance of gaining their attention. Some women may develop an intense attraction for such men in a short span of time.

    Dr. Batra agrees, “If he makes you laugh with his jokes, he’s your funny zone, and that is what you may be missing when he’s not around.” And even if you’ve just met or just started a new relationship, you may be left wondering, “Why am I obsessed with someone I barely know?”, when he isn’t around.

    15. He cares about you

    If he cares about you and it shows in his actions, it is bound to melt your heart. This care may reflect in his words, thoughts, or deeds. He may go out of his way to help you or be with you, and that may make you miss him when he’s gone.

    Related Reading: 29 Signs He Cares Deeply About You

    16. He’s unattainable

    Dr. Batra says, “It’s human nature to want something that one cannot have, and in this case, when you find him unattainable, you are bound to get attached to his thoughts and crave him furthermore, leading to an obsession.” A friend, Rita, was obsessed with her coworker, Adrien. Now, Adrien had all the qualities of a good husband and had a loving wife and two kids.

    He had everything — a house, a car, and a beautiful family, and was doing well in his job too. But Rita grew a fondness for him that slowly developed into her being obsessed with him. He was everything Rita wanted in a partner, but he was also out of her reach. She found herself constantly thinking of him and had never felt such intense emotions for anyone else.

    17. He gives the vibe that you can trust him completely

    When a man makes you feel you can trust him, it’s only natural to gravitate toward him. So, the moment you feel you can share all your secrets with him without worrying about him spilling the beans, you are bound to get attached and think of him when he’s gone.

    Related Reading: 75 Love And Trust Messages For Distance Relationship For Him

    18. He’s mature

    Dr. Batra says, “Maturity and commitment are both traits that make women fall for men quickly.” So, if your man is mature and offers you stability and commitment, it may get you attached to him quickly. Maturity, in this sense, would mean:

    • The ability to make mature decisions, such as budgeting and housing
    • The willingness and ability to take care of his family
    • The ability to express his emotions in a healthy manner and communicate like a mature man

    Signs That Obsessive Thoughts About A Person Might Be A Problem

    Before we get to the question, “How do you stop thinking about someone?”, let’s look at why such obsessive thoughts aren’t good for you. Now, we’re not saying that a bit of an obsession isn’t natural when you’re just in the early stages of getting to know a guy or when you’re deeply attached to someone. But such obsessive thoughts can get unhealthy if they become overwhelming and all-consuming, leaving you with little time to focus on yourself.

    Related Reading: Why Are You Obsessed With Someone You Barely Know — 10 Possible Reasons

    Dr. Batra has listed a few such instances from our daily lives when such obsessive thoughts may become toxic to our own existence:

    • You’re unable to partake in activities of your daily life because you’re thinking about him all the time
    • You’re stalking him on social media platforms and wanting to know about his whereabouts incessantly
    • You feel anxious in your daily life and are actually physically uncomfortable when you do not hear from him or know where he is
    • You lose out on work and social commitments because of your preoccupation with him and can’t focus on anything except constant thoughts about him
    • You’re losing out on your own self-care activities because you’re only focused on him, and are thus losing track of your physical and mental health
    • You’re double-texting him even when he leaves your message on ‘seen’, thus hampering your self-esteem
    Stories about love and romance

    How Do You Stop Thinking About Someone?

    Now that you know a few sure-shot answers to your question, “Why can’t I stop thinking about him?”, let us focus on how you can handle this situation gracefully and the next big question, “How do you stop thinking about someone?”

    A Reddit user shares what such a situation can feel like and asks for suggestions: “It seems like when I get a crush, I get it hard. Unless I’m preoccupied with something, my mind automatically goes back to them, even though we’re not dating or anything. I can describe it as a sense of love, yet I’m convinced that it’s different every time. I’m waiting for my crush’s answer to homecoming, and I literally can’t stop thinking about it.”

    Related Reading: How To Say Goodbye To Someone You Love

    Dr. Batra advises, “When you’re wondering how to stop thinking about someone obsessively, allow yourself to feel the emotions with poise and ease yourself into or out of it, based on which direction you want to steer your relationship.” However, if you feel he isn’t giving you the same vibes or that he isn’t going to get back to you, you may really wish to quit thinking about someone. Because if you can’t focus on anything but him and his thoughts and he doesn’t feel the same or isn’t worthy of your attention, it’s not a peaceful place to be in, mentally. So, here are a few tips on how to get your mind off someone and find closure for yourself:

    • Realize why he isn’t ‘the one’: A quick tip to deal with this is to be clear about why he is not good or right for you and reduce contact with him (or limit contact to some extent at least)
    • Understand that it’s not you: Realize that everything may not always be about you. It could be that he’s just not interested in you
    • Believe that if he loves you, he will be yours: What is yours will come back (if it ever was), though this may sound like a cliche
    • Focus on self-care: Remember that you have to focus on your own wellness. Spend time setting a good self-care routine to sort out your physical and mental health and follow it. This will help divert your focus to yourself
    • Devote time to personal development and build self-confidence: Take up a new new hobby, such as learning a new language, or new skills, such as painting or martial arts. Self-improvement always helps in getting the focus back on you
    • Speak to a trusted network: Speak to a trusted friend or family member about this and engage in open communication. At times, spending time with a close buddy or a trusted social circle can solve all your problems
    • Seek professional help: When you’re wondering how to stop thinking about someone obsessively even after trying everything, find closure by seeking professional help or online therapy, using CBT and other techniques, and addressing your mental health

    Key Pointers

    • A few reasons why you can’t stop thinking about someone are the hormonal surge, the memories, his ‘hard to get’ nature, and his calming effect on you
    • Obsessive thoughts about a person may be harmful when you’re stalking him all the time, you ignore work or social commitments, you lose out on self-care activities, and you lose your self-esteem
    • A few tips on how to get your mind off someone include being clear about why he’s not the right one, realizing he may not be that into you, and seeking online therapy to address your mental health

    We hope you found an answer to, “Why can’t I stop thinking about him?” You see, when you miss someone or can’t get him off your mind and are always left questioning, “How do you stop thinking about someone?”, there can be tons of reasons behind it. We aren’t saying our list of reasons for obsessive thinking or tips on how to stop thinking about someone obsessively, offered in this article, is exhaustive but we’ve tried to collate the most common reasons behind such obsessive thoughts.

    While it’s important to ignore such people when they aren’t good for you or aren’t that much into you, you can tone it down a bit in case the liking is mutual and spend some time in self-care activities instead. That helps bring down the level of missing him to a healthy level that won’t interfere with your daily routine. So, stop obsessing and start living for yourself!

    FAQs

    1. What does it mean if you can’t stop thinking about someone?

    If you’re always asking yourself, “Why can’t I stop thinking about him?”, it may mean that you have developed a healthy or unhealthy attachment (depending on whether the person is good for you) with the person. It could be because of the person’s inherent nature or his proximity to you. It could also be because the person has been playing ‘hard to get’ or is actually unattainable.

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  • Should I forgive my husband for cheating?

    Should I forgive my husband for cheating?

    My husband of 15 years had an affair with someone from his office. It went on for 2 months and I only found out because I checked his phone. He said he has ended it and it was a mistake. But I don’t know if I believe him. Cheating is a choice and it doesn’t just happen. However, we have built a whole life together. We have 2 kids, a 12 year old son and 10 year old daughter. We have also shared some very happy times together. Should you forgive a cheater? I am not even sure where to start. Part of me wants to know every detail but each time he tells me something about them, it breaks my heart. I can’t have him touch me without thinking about how he did the same thing to her. Is it even possible to move past this? Please tell me how I can forgive my husband for cheating. Sometimes I feel like I deserve better and want to end the marriage. But other times I realize how we’ve spent many wonderful years together and we shouldn’t just throw it away because of one affair. My husband says he is willing to do anything to fix things.

    Related Reading: My husband still talks to the woman he cheated on me with

    Answer:

    Cheating is a painful experience to navigate through, and while many couples choose to part ways after, some do manage to come out of it stronger than before. In your case, there are a few things to consider to help you make a decision:

    • Your husband’s ability and willingness to take accountability for his actions. He needs to acknowledge what he did, not brush it off as a mistake, and without blaming it on something else.
    • Making a relationship work after cheating takes a lot of effort from both partners. You will have to sit and acknowledge any other problems in your marriage, and account for the role you played in them as well. This will, naturally, require honest and vulnerable communication. Is that something you are prepared to do?
    • Remember that there really isn’t a right or wrong choice here. Just a choice which feels right for you.
    • I would highly recommend speaking to a marital therapist/counselor due to the nature and complexities of your relationship. A professional can help you both through communication and trust building exercises, understanding where you both stand in terms of commitment to change and where to go from here. A professional can provide an unbiased, mediating view on the troubles in your marriage.
    • Consider personal counseling or therapy for yourself to help you figure out what it is that you want to do, what is your reasoning behind it and what you need right now in order to be okay, and for your marriage to work.
    • Don’t hesitate to voice your needs to your husband – whether it be needing space and time, reassurance, etc.
    • Set expectations and boundaries with your husband about what both of you need from the marriage and see if the other person is able to provide you with what you need.
    • Reach out for emotional and practical support from people you trust to have your best interests at heart.

    As for forgiving him, forgiveness is a personal choice. One which you can’t be forced into making. Whether you should forgive him or not, is your decision entirely. However, before you decide, be sure of “why” you choose to forgive him. In order to forgive him, you will require him to:

    • Acknowledge the pain he’s caused and be genuinely apologetic and willing to make amends
    • Some time to process and digest all of this. Be patient with yourself and don’t rush yourself into feeling a particular sort of way.
    • You need to let go of resentment you may be holding onto from past and the present event. This will take some time, so try not to rush it.

    Related Reading: I’ve forgiven my husband for his affair but I still don’t feel at peace

    FAQs

    1.⁠ ⁠Can you truly forgive a cheating husband?

    Yes, you can. However, forgiveness is a personal choice, and it often requires a lot of reassurance and security in a relationship in order to be able to forgive your husband for cheating

    2.⁠ ⁠Can a cheating husband be trusted again?

    Whether you should trust him again or not is your decision to make, based on the history of your relationship and how you feel about the entire event and him as a person. It is important for you to stay authentic to your emotions. 
    Your husband will also have to commit to making an effort so that you are able to repair this trust together. Remember that it is a shared responsibility, meaning, that both partners have to make the effort to make it work

    3.⁠ ⁠Should I stay after he cheated?

    Your decision to stay or go needs to take into account:
    1. Your feelings on the matter, and if you think you will be able to trust him again
    2. How willing are you to making an effort to make this marriage work
    3. Is your husband genuinely apologetic
    4. Is your husband willing and capable of providing you with what you need in order to overcome this?
    5. Take practical matters into consideration as well, such as finances, housing and your children. It would be best to consult a lawyer just to understand your options better. 
    6. Do reach out for help from your support system or a mental health professional.

    4.⁠ ⁠Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?

    A relationship can recover from cheating. However, it does not go back to what it used to be before infidelity. Rather, the patterns of interaction and communication between the partner changes. 
    Couples who do overcome cheating, come out stronger on the other end because of the shared effort to put into repairing their relationship, maintaining healthy communication and strengthening trust and friendship

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  • Should I marry him? Quiz

    Should I marry him? Quiz

    Congratulations! So, you’re in a serious relationship, and the word marriage has started popping up here and there. But with such a big decision looming, doubts and uncertainties are bound to enter the picture. Is he truly “the one”?

    This “Should I Marry Him Quiz” is your roadmap to gaining clarity. Designed by a relationship counselor, this quiz contains 8 multiple choice questions. It will help you better understand your relationship with your boyfriend and answer the burning question: “Is he the one to marry?” You’ll delve into crucial areas like shared values, future goals, and emotional support. These are key components that come together to form a happy and lasting relationship. These components are the key to know if he is the one to marry.

    Related Quiz: Am I ready for marriage quiz

    This quiz isn’t just about finding the answer, it’s about gaining clarity. Even if you’re almost certain you see your future with him, this quiz is a good exercise to see where your relationship is strong and where there is room for growth. It will help you make this huge decision with confidence. So, are you ready to clear all your doubts? Take a deep breath and answer as honestly as you can!

    Questions

    1. How do you feel about spending the rest of your life with your partner?

    1. Excited and confident
    2. Unsure, but hopeful
    3. Anxious or hesitant

    2. Do you share similar values, goals, and visions for the future?

    1. Yes, we’re aligned on most aspects
    2. Somewhat, but there are differences
    3. No, we have significant differences

    3. How well do you communicate and resolve conflicts with your partner?

    1. Excellent, we communicate openly and resolve conflicts effectively
    2. Fair, we have occasional disagreements but can work through them
    3. Poor, communication is strained and conflicts often escalate

    4. Are you financially compatible with your partner?

    1. Yes, we have similar financial values and goals
    2. Somewhat, but there are differences in financial habits
    3. No, we have significant financial disagreements

    Related Quiz: Should I date him? Quiz

    5. How does your partner make you feel about yourself and your aspirations?

    1. Supported and encouraged
    2. Sometimes supported, but sometimes criticised
    3. Unsupported or discouraged

    6. Have you discussed important topics like children, career aspirations, and lifestyle preferences?

    1. Yes, we’ve had open and honest discussions about these topics
    2. Somewhat, but there are unresolved issues or differences
    3. No, we haven’t discussed these topics thoroughly

    7. How do you envision your life together in the long term?

    1. Fulfilling and happy
    2. Uncertain, but hopeful
    3. Concerning or uncertain

    8. Have you considered the opinions of trusted friends and family members?

    1. Yes, and they support our relationship
    2. Somewhat, but their opinions vary
    3. No, I haven’t sought their input

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