Young men in recent years have become more politically conservative. But will they vote? Kellen Browning, a New York Times reporter covering the 2024 election with a focus on Nevada and Arizona, discusses the Trump campaign’s efforts to court the group.
Kellen Browning, Christina Shaman and Stephanie Rose
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A set of conservative policy proposals called Project 2025 has put into words what a second term for Donald J. Trump could look like. Trump has distanced himself from the plan, but it aligns with many of his campaign promises. Political reporter, Jonathan Swan, explains.
Jonathan Swan, John Pappas, Christina Shaman and James Surdam
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Christian televangelist Pat Robertson, who helped make religion central to Republican Party politics in America through his Christian Coalition, has died at 93. What do you think?
“We’ll never know which minority group he’d blame for his death.”
Tommy Crimmins, Cocking Assistant
“Must be God’s punishment for some gay stuff he did.”
Derrick Brock, Unemployed
“Which TV channel can cure my diabetes now?”
Carla Laskowski, Tipping Consultant
“This is a HUGE victory for American PATRIOTS…somehow. Because now Tucker can FINALLY SAY WHAT HE WANTS, which I guess he wasn’t doing before? Honestly, it seemed like he pretty much did and said whatever he wanted and it worked out pretty well, but now the DEEP STATE can’t MUZZLE TUCKER anymore, although frankly that didn’t seem to be the case previously? I mean, any honest reading of the situation would have to reckon with the reality that Tucker’s prominence at the network basically emboldened him to make whatever claims he wanted, although maybe the financial repercussions in this case finally worked against him. So that’s pretty much a matter of the market, rather than any issue with free speech. Which is why I am not totally sure why this is a GLORIOUS DAY for FREE SPEECH and REAL AMERICANS, but it definitely, totally, somehow is.”
NAMPA, ID—Expressing their dismay with yet another product overtaken by the liberal conspiracy to destroy traditional lifestyles, conservatives around the country reportedly began boycotting computers Friday after noticing their keyboards could be used to type the word “trans.” “These woke keyboards are attempting to force conservative fingers to type ‘trans,’ and I call on my fellow American patriots to destroy their computers immediately,” said local conservative man Bryce Whitten, adding that this was just another attempt by the global woke conspiracy to compel Americans to use the establishment alphabet. “I hate to think of the damage these anti-American computers have already done. I’ve used computers for years, but yesterday I found myself typing out the word ‘trans,’ and it hit me—this is an obvious effort by Marxist left-wing corporations like Apple and Microsoft, probably funded by George Soros, to make us type things we don’t want to type. They even have the T and R keys right next to each other to subliminally encourage innocent people to type ‘trans.’ I tried removing the T, R, A, N, and S keys, but then I realized I could still type ‘woke,’ and that was it for me. Who knows how deep into the alphabet this conspiracy goes. For Christ’s sake, they’re trying to market these computers to children! I urge my fellow conservatives to remove all computing devices with keyboards from their children’s hands so they can’t be groomed!” At press time, sources confirmed conservatives across the nation were trying to escape the woke conspiracy of left-wing letters by renouncing the English language entirely.
WASHINGTON—Advertising the event as a chance to interact personally with a conservative icon, organizers confirmed Thursday that the 2023 Conservative Political Action Conference would feature a new exhibit where visitors could purchase and toss pieces of raw chicken to Rudy Giuliani. “This year, for $5 a pop, attendees will be treated to an up-close encounter with the former mayor of New York and given a thrilling opportunity to feed him a handful of his favorite food—raw chicken,” CPAC spokesperson Nancy Garner said as she stood outside a 9-by-12-foot enclosure that contained a warming lamp, a sunning rock, a water feature, artificial plants, and the disgraced onetime U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York. “Can you see him? Those are his heavy-lidded, bloodshot eyes peeking out from under that rock. He may look harmless now, but don’t be fooled. He’s still feral. Be sure to step back as soon as you release the chicken, because he’s going to leap forward and grab it with a big jowly chomp before it even hits the ground. And if you think that’s neat, watch what happens when you throw a few airplane bottles of blended scotch into the cage! Video is allowed, but please refrain from flash photography, as he is quite old and easily disoriented. That’s how Kelly Anne Conway was bitten earlier.” At press time, CPAC was reportedly on lockdown after Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) left the door open while attempting to get a selfie inside the Giuliani tank.
