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Tag: christian woman blogs

  • 7 Ways to Make Sure Your Spouse Doesn’t Become Just a Roommate

    7 Ways to Make Sure Your Spouse Doesn’t Become Just a Roommate

    Ever notice how the candy aisle in the grocery store dictates what season it is? When my teenagers were younger, we used to call it the “fun aisle.” I’d say, “Do you all want to go down the fun aisle today and see what they have”? Still today, it’s filled with candy, toys, gifts, dishes, and more!

    How is it that we easily want to please our children with candy and toys in the seasonal aisle, but we can let the season we’re in at home steal our attention from our spouse? Sometimes, we can become caretakers to our children and more like roommates to our spouses.

    I remember thinking early on in marriage, “Who would ever just become like a roommate to their spouse? Certainly not me because that doesn’t happen to someone who waited so long to get married (I was 33, he was 41 when we got married).” Boy, was I wrong. Becoming more like a roommate can happen to any of us, especially if we aren’t on guard to prioritize our spouse. Little by little, we slip into merely occupying the same physical space but not the same heart space.

    It’s easy to justify going to bed without praying together or without giving each other a good night kiss. Sometimes, even leaving your spouse to clean up the dishes from dinner and retreating to bed without an “I love you” or “Thank you for doing the dishes tonight” can lead to further roommate status when you don’t have that time to connect (or the reverse is true in the morning).

    It’s easy to give attention to who’s the loudest in the room, and sometimes that’s our children. They demand a lot from us (but we love them!), and sometimes their requests leave us feeling depleted toward our spouse. All perfect set-ups to think, “I’ll talk with her later” or “He knows I love him,” and we slip further away from the love and passion we experienced when we first married.

    My husband and I both work from home. We’re grateful that we have work that allows us to be more flexible in our home and work-life flow. People often say, “Oh, you must go out on romantic dates while you’re both home,” and we have done that some. But it’s not as romantic when you have bed hair, smelly breath, and just want to get some caffeine in you after you drop off the kids at school.

    I have seen that I can be a happier spouse when I implement just a few things that show I don’t want to become just his roommate but the woman he fell in love with and that he stays in love with.

    We all know that, mathematically, seven isn’t a perfect number (its factors don’t add up to 7 – I had to look that one up!). But to God, it was a perfect number. He created everything within six days and rested on the seventh day. Thus, seven is considered complete or perfect.

    We are not perfect (we know!), neither is our love for our spouse. But God’s love is perfect and covers us, including how we relate to our spouse. Love is not an easy road moving forward, but actually, love is even more powerful when it comes to the winding paths we take with our spouse and even recovering from the bumps and hills along the way.

    No list of things we can do will make marriage more likely to succeed or less likely to feel like you’re polar opposites, just like the earth, moon, and stars when they span the sky and don’t line up (which only happens 4-7 times per year that they line up as an eclipse, according to NASA). Gives new meaning to the hit song “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler, doesn’t it?

    So how do we eclipse the thought, “You’re more my roommate than my spouse”? Here are some ideas:

    1. It takes an intentional shift, but when you can ask yourself: “How should I show my spouse that I love them by serving them even though they haven’t offered this to me?” It puts your heart in a position of humility to love unconditionally, which spouses have promised to do.

    2. When you do a chore or job before your spouse has a chance to do it, it shows them that you took the time to notice something they usually do. It’s a quiet way of saying, “I notice what you do for me.” And if they don’t notice, it puts your heart in a place to receive from God, even if not from your spouse. God is always faithful to meet our needs.

    3. Often, we’re so busy doing what we need to do in a day’s time that we don’t stop to ask, “What is a highlight of your day right now? What’s hard for you right now? How are you feeling about (fill in the blank with something you know they are struggling with)? I often try to ask my husband one question like this each morning or evening. Sometimes, I’m not consistent, but I try to show him that I care about him, not just because we live in the same house but because we are one. God sees us as such, and I want to see him as my life partner, not just the person I share a home with.

    4. When you ask your spouse: “What is something that I do that annoys you and what is something I do that affirms you?” you can really take care of anything that you aren’t aware of that has come into your relationship. Roommates often move on or move out and don’t always address what might be between them. This is where overcoming the roommate syndrome can really be advantageous for you both as a couple to move past barriers.

    5. One day I noticed that my husband was always last to sit down at dinner. It felt like I was either eating by myself at the table or with whatever kids were home at the time. Finally, I asked him about it, and he said, “Growing up, it bothered me that dirty dishes were in the sink, so now it’s hard for me to sit down and eat when there are dirty dishes in the sink from food prep.” After almost 20 years of marriage, that was so helpful to know. He wasn’t avoiding conversation or sitting with me at the table; he wanted to take care of the dishes. Unless you ask the questions on your mind, you can’t grow closer to understanding each other and your backgrounds.

    6. Showing romantic love toward your spouse can look different for men and women. Men often receive love through physical expression and women through emotional empathy and listening. When we flip sides and start thinking more about how our spouse likes to receive love, it can help us to see that in a healthy marriage, one partner is not more need-oriented or selfish. Both need to express themselves in a romantic relationship. It’s not always about what your spouse needs from you, but what you can express that will draw your spouse to you. That’s true love!

    7. It doesn’t get lost on me that when I disappoint my husband, or he disappoints me, there is a safety net that catches us. I want to be the one who doesn’t hold something against him but releases him into the net. God will meet him there, and God will meet me when I crash into the net. It’s natural to blame or shift the focus onto the other person, but when we can treat our spouse with forgiveness and a deep love that roommates don’t have, like a married couple, we are able to say, “I forgive you, and my life is matched with yours and yours with mine. You aren’t perfect, and I am not, but we are loved by a God who thought enough of us to bring us together and to help us walk out living as life partners, not just temporary roommates.”

    Do you know the one thing that is good about getting older? We literally forget more easily! Our brains have been retaining so much knowledge and carry so much. I find that if we feel more like roommates one day, we get the chance to start over, and often, one of us will forget something the other said. Roommates often hold onto words because it’s all they have. But spouses let go of words said that don’t line up with who the person is and instead love them faithfully as if you can’t live without them. This is the bond of married couples that God has put in us because he values the covenant relationship between him and each other. So much so that he gives us seasons in life and seasons in our marriage. It’s not easy, but like a kid in the “fun aisle,” we can enjoy the aisle we have walked down together and continue to look for the treats in life that we get to experience together.

    Photo credit: © Getty Images/monkeybusinessimages

    Blythe Daniel is a literary agent, author, and marketer. Her agency markets books through podcasts, blogs, and launch teams and represents books to publishers. Blythe was the publicity director for Thomas Nelson Publishers and has been a literary agent for the past 16 years. Blythe has written for Proverbs 31 Ministries, Ann Voskamp, Focus on the Family, CCM Magazine, Christian Retailing, and others. Blythe and her mother have co-authored two books: Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters (Harvest House) and I Love You Mom: Cherished Word Gifts from My Heart to Yours (Tyndale). She is married and lives in Colorado with her family.

    Blythe Daniel

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  • 5 Aspects of True Love towards Your Spouse

    5 Aspects of True Love towards Your Spouse

    My husband and I have been married for twenty-three years. The first few Valentine’s Days we spent together were very romantic as each one of us tried to demonstrate our love to each other with grander gestures each year.

    However, as the years went on, it became more difficult to think about the upcoming Valentine’s Day or how to show each other love in ways we hadn’t previously.

    Some years we felt we had gotten stuck in a rut in our marriage and were just going through the motions. We simply did things just to please the other person, and not because we really felt like it.

    Although feelings are not the ultimate indicators of whether we should show love to each other, it does make a difference. Deep feelings create a sense of motivation and urgency. When we feel motivated by something, we’re more apt to do it.

    Because love matures, we have had to understand truly the meaning of the word love.

    Agape love is defined as, “…in the New Testament, the fatherly love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God. In Scripture, the transcendent agape love is the highest form of love and is contrasted with eros, or erotic love, and philia, or brotherly love.”

    We often throw the word love around for different things, diminishing the word’s meaning. For example, we may say we love ice cream, and we say we love our spouse. However, we love our spouses differently than we love inanimate objects.

    Love is not just something to make us feel good; it’s an action that is centered around the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

    Here are 5 characteristics that I have learned about true, agape love:

    1. True Love Means Humility

    True love cannot occur if both parties are set in their ways and too prideful to acknowledge the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

    It is difficult to strike a balance between meeting your own needs and wanting to serve the other person. However, if we change our mindset to one that our lives are in service to the other, we will understand true love.

    With love, we put aside our pride and humble ourselves. We apologize when necessary. We work out our differences in kind, loving ways. We resolve to end conflict and not let it fester.

    When we lay down our pride and replace it with humility, we experience a love that goes deeper than any other relationship we can experience here on earth. 

    2. True Love Means Forgiveness

    Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is your spouse. This is because they see the best and worst of us. They know our strengths and our weaknesses and sometimes they use it for their own selfish gain, and sometimes we do the same to them.

    However, that’s not love. To love means we forgive other people’s offenses even when they’ve done it multiple times.

    Forgiveness means to put the past behind us and choose not to remember it anymore. God chooses to remember our sins no more; that is how he chooses to forgive. But that does not mean he doesn’t remember; he simply chooses not to remember it.

    It’s the same with us. We cannot forget past hurt and pain. However, as we forgive others the way we’ve been forgiven, the pain becomes less and less.

    God, in his sovereignty, puts salve on our wounds and heals them so that we can forgive our spouses because we realize the grace that has been given to us.

    3. True Love Means Repentance

    Repentance makes it easier for our spouses to forgive us, and vice versa. Simply saying sorry and asking someone to forgive, only to do the act again, is not true repentance.

    True repentance paves the way for intimacy, trust, and deeper bonds both with our spouses and with God.

    It is not easy to change old, sinful habits into new, healthier ones, but with God’s help, anything is possible. Repentance requires that we go to God to acknowledge our sins, and we humbly ask for his forgiveness.

    Once we live in the knowledge of that forgiveness, we choose to not do that behavior anymore, not only because it hurts us, but also hurts our relationships with others.

    Repentance means to do an “about face.” That means we literally turn away from our selfish acts and turn towards the demonstration of the fruit of the spirit to others.

    Repentance is a necessary component of true, agape love that we can have for our spouses.

    4. True Love Means Intimacy

    Many relationships struggle because although the physical intimacy is there, the emotional intimacy is not. Many wives can feel a part of their relationship is missing because their husbands are not emotionally available to them.

    While some men have difficulty with emotions, it is an important part of their overall well-being. It is important for men to get in touch with their emotions so that they can empathize and comfort their wives during difficult times. And it is important for wives to be there for their husbands as they go against society to learn this skill.

    When a woman’s emotional needs are met, more than likely she will reciprocate in a physical way.

    While it’s true that men and women may differ on how they feel the most loved, whether through emotional or physical intimacy, both parties need to be for each other and seek to meet each other’s needs, not their own. 

    5. True Love Means to Exhibit the Fruit of the Spirit

    When the fruits of the spirit are evident in our lives, our relationships thrive. However, when those fruits are missing, relationships get reduced to both parties trying to meet their own selfish needs.

    The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, kindness, and self-control (Gal 5:22-23). When we seek to add these into our lives, we become better people. When we become better people, we want to be better people for our spouses whom we love the most.

    No longer are we looking for others to meet our ultimate needs, but rather we have our identity solidified in Christ. All these fruits have one thing in common: they seek to be others-centered. We can’t be selfish when we’re exhibiting these types of fruits in our lives.

    A person who wants to develop more fruit of the spirit knows that to be the best person they can be, they must have their foundational emotional needs met by God. They need to have their identity solidified in Him and understand that their worth and value were settled on the cross, not in other people’s opinions of them.

    When they can reconcile this in their minds and hearts, they will seek to be people who strive to be tangible representations of Christ.

    Love is a word that gets thrown around a lot in our society. But few of us know what true love really is.

    As Christians, we understand what true love is as we look at the witness of Christ. However, we may feel as if we fall short because we are not like Christ and won’t be in this lifetime.

    However, we can strive to emulate Christ’s example by being humble, forgiving others, repenting of our selfish behaviors, meeting others’ emotional needs and exhibiting the fruit of spirit in our lives.

    When we can do these things, we will understand what true love is. Once we understand that true love, we want to give it to others, including our spouses!

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • When God Is Your Matchmaker

    When God Is Your Matchmaker

    My husband doesn’t think I’m pretty.

    There’s no mistake or mystery about this. He regularly publicizes his belief.

    It’s not as though I haven’t tried to dissuade him. John just doubles down, citing his education for his unwavering opinion. “I have an art degree.” 

    What am I to do?

    I’ve highlighted my height (or lack thereof). I’ve addressed the ugly—yet unyielding—growth around my girth. Unlike my cute niece, my face lacks dimples. 

    He only shakes his head. To date, he still clings to the belief that I’m not pretty. 

    That’s because he thinks I’m very pretty. 

    I’m not telling you his opinion to brag about my beauty. John is just super biased.

    Let’s just say his view and mine widely diverge. 

    The real reason I share this tidbit is to show one of the many benefits of marrying God’s pick. 

    (Not that I’m insinuating marriage should happen only because of the bride’s beauty or the groom’s broad shoulders. All things equal, however, wouldn’t you rather navigate life with a spouse enraptured, instead of unimpressed, by your looks?)

    John’s and my road to marriage held more stop signs than most. We both had to wait—and wait—before the Lord’s candidate for us materialized. We puttered around in Single Town long after fellow singletons found the elusive exit.

    But it’s precisely this background that qualifies me to issue a warning: Please don’t walk down the aisle for these wrong reasons:

    Loneliness

    Feeling lonely? A recent survey suggests you’re not alone. Around 60% of Americans feel lonely on a regular basis. 

    You might think it makes sense to cure loneliness by getting hitched. After all, people are the best antidote for loneliness. Right? 

    Nope. You can feel lonely regardless of the presence of others. This means you can feel lonely even in a marriage.

    Using marriage as an escape hatch won’t work. Nobody—including your spouse—can successfully meet all of your emotional needs, of which loneliness is one. 

    Consider a better strategy. While both married people and singles will always have a reason to keep working on themselves, it’s advantageous to work through your emotional needs while you’re still unattached. Since deep calls unto deep (Psalm 42:7), your emotional soundness will attract a partner with a similar disposition. 

    Isn’t it better for you and your betrothed to enter marriage without baggage?

    Age 

    Back in my single days—before WhatsApp exploded in fame—I once received a phone call from my mother’s uncle. The elderly relative thought the following wisdom was important enough to impart, he placed an international call regardless of the exorbitant cost. “Don’t be so career-minded that you’re neglecting marriage!”

    “Yes,” I answered. The pithy shortcut had to suffice. I wasn’t about to elaborate with “Actually, I’m staying single because I’m waiting for God’s best for me, not because I’m too wrapped up in work.”

    I’m sure you have your own war stories. From family pressures to those that arise from your ever-increasing age—which, of course, directly relates to your biological clock and the ability to bear children—it’s understandable if a prolonged state of singleness drives you desperate for marriage. 

    But getting married because of anything other than because it’s God’s will for you is bound to backfire. Even if a divorce doesn’t dash your marriage, your union may not feel fulfilling—the opposite of Jesus’ mission to bring us life more abundantly (John 10:10, MEV).

    To experience that abundant life in the context of marriage, abandon any other prospects. Ask Him to matchmake for you instead. 

    Shapes and Sex

    Should you marry someone you’re not physically attracted to? Well, no. Sexual attraction is a crucial component of marriage. 

    At the same time, neither should you marry because of physical attraction only. Whether we like it or not, “beauty is fleeting” (Proverbs 31:30).

    How fleeting?

    As flitting as a flower in bloom. “All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades, when the breath of the Lord blows upon it; the people are indeed grass!” (Isaiah 40: 6-7, NASB).

    Someone who pledges to spend forever with you primarily for your looks can renege once youth and its accouterments fade. 

    Then there’s sex. Many young Christians rush to get married so as not to commit sexual sins as a single person. Given the scriptural admonition to “avoid sexual immorality” (1 Thessalonians 4:3), their intention is understandable.

    However, God’s remedy for sexual urges is not marriage. Instead, whether single or married, we are to “learn to control our own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister” (1 Thessalonians 4:4-6).

    Marriage encompasses so much more than sex. There are couples who remain married and love each other even without a vibrant sex life. Conversely, there are those who indulge in lewd sexual activities but can’t make a marriage last.

    Choosing Marriage

    Different formats exist when it comes to today’s intimate relationships. For instance, some read “don’t get married for the wrong reasons” as “don’t get married.” The increase in cohabitation rates attests to the popularity of practicing sex outside marital bonds.

    Friends with benefits adds another possibility. This arrangement happens when so-called friends agree to trade sexual favors for each other, minus any romantic entanglement.

    Some aspire to chuck monogamy altogether. Enter polyamory, a form of relationship that allows participants to conduct intimate relationships with multiple partners at once.

    If engaging in any of these acts edified us, God would’ve specified them in His Word, along with tips for best practices. The Holy Spirit would’ve inspired the Apostle Paul to craft guidelines on having holy polyamory when he penned 1 Corinthians 7, the chapter on singles and sex.

    Listen, instead, to how God elevates marriage: “Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage” (Hebrews 13:4, CEV).

    Marriage is a good thing. More importantly, it’s a God thing.

    The One who created marriage (Genesis 2:18, Matthew 19:4-6) is also able to place a yearning within us for it. Remember, the Lord delights in giving us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 20:4, Psalm 37:4-5, Psalm 145:16, Psalm 145:19, Proverbs 10:24, Mark 11:22-24).

    If you’re in the market for marriage, please trust your Maker to pick your mate. Ask God to direct your steps and sensitize your hearing. This way, “your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left” (Isaiah 30:21)—all the way until your path intersects that of your future spouse.

    Nobody who hopes in Him will be ashamed (Psalm 25:3)—including regarding matters of the heart.

    But if relationship issues stump you, no matter what your relationship status is, send your inquiry to my advice column. 

    I promise to seek God as I compose my response.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Maria Korneeva

    Audrey Davidheiser, PhD is a California licensed psychologist, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, and IFSI-approved clinical consultant. After founding and directing a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes her practice to survivors of trauma—including spiritual abuse. If you need her advice, visit her on www.aimforbreakthrough.com and Instagram @DrAudreyD.

    Dr. Audrey Davidheiser

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  • 8 Keys to a Happy, Healthy Marriage

    8 Keys to a Happy, Healthy Marriage


    All weddings are happy. It’s living together afterward that causes all the trouble.

    Mrs. Billy Graham was asked, “Have you ever considered divorce?” “No,” she responded. “Murder many times but never divorce!”

    It sometimes feels like my marriage is this tiny outpost in the middle of enemy territory, and the enemy is shooting at us from every side! This world is not the friend of marriage. The good news is that God is the friend of marriage. Marriage is God’s plan, his idea, and his design.

    I know you are just like me. You want a great marriage, but you may feel that your marriage has endured too much pain and that there is no hope of improvement. But, no matter where you are or where you have been in your marriage, the rest of your marriage can be the best part of it.

    Dan and I have been married for 46 years. Our marriage is stronger and better than it has ever been. Let me share some of the keys to a healthy marriage God has taught us along the way.

    Key one: When the going gets tough, the tough stay right where they are!

    Ephesians 5:31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

    An essential key to a successful marriage is commitment. The Spanish explorer Cortes knew what commitment was. He insisted on it from his men when they landed in Mexico to invade the land of the Aztecs. Sensing the crew’s fear and hesitation, he gathered them all onshore and set fire to the ships. Cortez turned to his men and said, “Now, there can be no turning back.”

    That is the kind of commitment we need in our marriages. But unfortunately, we live in a world of “throw-away” marriages. If it doesn’t work, we throw the relationship away and find another, but Jesus is big on commitment. Jesus told a parable about a man who found a valuable pearl in a field. The man immediately sold everything he had to buy the field so the pearl would be his. Of course, he would be left with nothing if the pearl was worthless. But he was willing to take the risk.

    For marriage to be what God designed it to be, we must choose to be committed to our mate and our marriage. Commitment is not based on feelings. Feelings cannot build a solid marriage. Love is not the basis for marriage. Marriage is the basis for love.

    Hold on to your commitment to God. Hold on to your commitment to your marriage.

    Key two: Accept your mate and change yourself.

    Colossians 3:13-14 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

    The marriage relationship has a specific dynamic. If one person in the relationship changes, the whole relationship changes. We keep trying to make sure that our mate is the one that changes.

    I approached marriage and my new husband like buying an old house. I couldn’t wait to see it remodeled. Wasn’t Dan fortunate to have married the Holy Spirit? I tried to change him. I just wanted Dan to be more like me! I learned that we can be different without being right or wrong!

    We need to celebrate our differences. Differences can either rip us apart or add great flavor to a relationship. Unfortunately, the things we try so hard to change are the very things that attract us to our mates in the first place.

    He used to be carefree. Now he is irresponsible.

    He used to be determined. Now he is stubborn.

    He used to be more concerned about inward qualities than outward appearances. Now he is sloppy.

    Acceptance and approval are two different things. What would happen if you unconditionally accepted your mate? What would happen if we took the energy we wasted trying to change him and used it to change our lives?

    Accept your mate. Ask the Lord what needs to be changed in your own life.

    Key three: Spend time alone with your spouse.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Image Source

    Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together except they be agreed?”

    Weeds spring up overnight, but it takes years for a mighty oak to grow. So likewise, a great marriage takes a lot of hard work and time. We have three choices about time. We can waste it, spend it, or invest it. Busyness builds a schedule but destroys the family. A crazy life schedule has always been a battle for Dan and me.

    When our children were young, we saw our marriage and children being swallowed up in a hectic schedule. We were doing wonderful things. But, unfortunately, they just weren’t the best things. So we made an important decision. We would give ourselves one year to make drastic changes or leave the ministry. We chose not to sacrifice our marriage or our children on the altar of a ministry or church.

    We began taking a day off each week. Monday is my day with Dan. We sometimes go shopping or out for lunch, where we talk – setting goals, planning, dreaming, and examining our marriage to ensure we are on solid ground.

    We began scheduling time away. Every two or three months, we make a plan to get away – alone. Then, when the pressure is off, we are different! It is one way to keep the romance alive in our marriage!

    We began setting aside time at the end of the day to talk. This time became an essential part of our daily schedule. We talked about the day and shared whatever was on our minds, creating a connection time. Doing so kept us on the same page and was a strong statement to each other and our children about the importance of our marriage.

    We learned to be part of each other’s world. I began reading the books that interested Dan. I went with him to conferences. I began to study Dan – his needs and interests, frustrations and dreams, fears and hopes. I know. We often say we don’t have the time or money, but we are saying that it is not important enough to learn how to be part of our mate’s world. But, if it is important, we will find a way to do it.

    We all exchange our lives for something. But we need to make sure that the exchange is worth it!

    Key four: Guard your mind.

    Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.”

    Don’t allow anything or anyone into your life that will undermine your marriage.

    -movies

    -soap operas

    -romance novels

    -discontented friends

    When we invite these things into our life, we are setting our marriage up for failure. In the early years of our marriage, I was addicted to soap operas. I told the woman on television to leave her rotten husband and run off with the handsome man. Needs improvement!

    For the sake of our marriage, we must guard our minds.

    Key five: Learn to fight fair.

    Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what helps build others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

    Wow! That’s a tall order, isn’t it? But God never asks us to do anything that he will not empower us to do. For much of our marriage, I have tended to shove my anger down until some final straw makes me both hysterical and historical. Not anymore. Here are some tips that have helped me learn to fight fair.

    -Pray. Bathe your conversation in prayer and ask God to give you the right words to say

     when you need to have a challenging conversation with your mate.

    -Pick a time and place that is good for him. That means picking a time and place to give your conversation the best chance of succeeding.

    -Begin and end with affirmation.

    -Be willing to accept blame.

    -Express hurt – not hostility.

    -Stick to the subject at hand. Don’t drag up every hurt from the past that you have buried.

    -Avoid using the words “never” and “always.”

    -Be solution centered.

    -Understand that restoration – not winning – is the goal.

    -Get outside help if you need it. That may be a mature Christian couple or a professional.

    A marriage is only as good as the communication between husband and wife – especially when fighting fair.

    Related: Learn to Fight Fair in Marriage

    Key six: Discover your mate’s language of love!

    Happy couple in kitchen

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/YakobchukOlena

    Isaiah 35:3-4 “Encourage the exhausted, strengthen the weak, say to those with an anxious heart ‘Take courage, fear not!’”

    Every husband and wife has different ways of giving and receiving love.

    Touch

    Verbal

    Service

    Gifts

    Time

    My dad died when I was four years old. My mom showed her love for me by serving. So I grew up believing love is demonstrated by cleaning the house, buying groceries, doing the laundry, or cooking meals.

    Doing these things for Dan showed him that I loved him – right? The only problem was that I needed to use the correct language. His language is touching and telling.

    But since I had been molested as a child, I had trouble with communication and intimacy. So we had problems. When Dan hugged me and told me he loved me, I always thought he wanted sex. If he really loved me, he would clean the garage.

    It is like going to a foreign land and insisting that the people there speak my language. It won’t work.

    Learn your husband’s language of love and become fluent in it!

    Key seven: Become your partner’s strongest fan.

    Hebrews 3:13 “Encourage one another daily.”

    Every man should be able to trust his wife and what she says about him, and every wife should be able to trust what her husband says about her.

    We should count on each other to be a cheerleader!

    Don’t criticize your mate to your friends or family members. You will get to the place of forgiveness, but your family and friends may not. And don’t criticize your mate to your children. I know that is hard. But it is right.

    Make a list of your mate’s good points and then broadcast them!

    Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord. Keep watch over the door of my lips.”

    I once read, “Dear Lord, help me to bridle my tongue so that on judgment day, I will not be guilty of assault with a deadly weapon!”

    Don’t be a dream-buster. Be a dream-sharer. Ladies, if your husband is leading you in what you feel is the wrong direction, your choices are:

    -To leave him.

    -To stay and make life miserable for everyone.

    -To say to him,” I am committed to you. I disagree with you, but I am with you!”

    Then turn your dream and him over to God, who can bring the two together in a fantastic way.

    Key eight: Laugh a lot.

    Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

    We must not get so serious about life that we lose our joy. We must always remember what it means to laugh, play, and feel like a child again.

    The best marriages take a lot of work, but we need to balance that work with fun. The more challenging the marriage, the more important it is to have fun. Laughter brings healing. Humor can be a bridge over frustrating circumstances.

    God wants our homes to be living illustrations of him! God wants marriage to demonstrate His love.

    What choice or commitment do you need to make in your marriage? He stands ready to empower that commitment. God wants your marriage to succeed, and he wants you to find joy in your marriage. So make that commitment today, and then trust him to do it.

    Related Resource: Check Out Our FREE Marriage Podcast!

    Listen to our new, podcast on marriage: Team Us. The best marriages have a teamwork mentality. Find practical, realistic ideas for strengthening your marriage. Listen to an episode here, and then head over to LifeAudio.com to check out all of our episodes:

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/XiXinXing

    Mary Southerland is also the Co-founder of Girlfriends in God, a conference and devotion ministry for women. Mary’s books include, Hope in the Midst of Depression, Sandpaper People, Escaping the Stress Trap, Experiencing God’s Power in Your Ministry, 10-Day Trust Adventure, You Make Me So Angry, How to Study the Bible, Fit for Life, Joy for the Journey, and Life Is So Daily. Mary relishes her ministry as a wife, a mother to their two children, Jered and Danna, and Mimi to her six grandchildren – Jaydan, Lelia, Justus, Hudson, Mo, and Nori.





    Mary Southerland

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  • What Does Paul Have to Say about Singleness in the New Testament?

    What Does Paul Have to Say about Singleness in the New Testament?


    If you have read the New Testament, you are probably familiar with one of its major contributors, an Apostle named Paul. He was highly educated, knew many languages and cultures, and forged his way to the heights of the religious society of his day. Then the Lord stopped him in the middle of the road and changed his life completely. The Lord raised Paul up as a leader in the early Church and, through the Holy Spirit, gave him wisdom beyond his years, his education, and even his personal experience. God used Paul to speak about many things to many different audiences.

    Throughout the New Testament books that Paul wrote, he spends a lot of time addressing the relationships that fill our life. In some relationships, he had first-hand experience with which to give advice or caution, while in others, he relied on practical, God-given principles as he taught within the communities he was sent to reach.

    Singleness was a topic with which he was intimately acquainted, as there are no indications anywhere in Scripture that he ever married. As we look at 1 Corinthians 7, we get a front-row seat as he speaks passionately about the single life and makes statements that still seem surprising hundreds of years after they were inspired and written.

    After an introduction to the principles of marriage in I Corinthians 7, Paul makes his first “surprising” statement about singleness in verse 7: “I wish that all were as I myself am” (ESV). He repeats himself in verse 8 and expands his scope to include those who are single again after being widowed. “It is good for them to remain single.” From the context of the writing, we learn two things about this statement. First, he is not writing this as a command from God that ALL remain unmarried as he is, but simply observing that if it were possible, then life would be less complicated in many ways. Secondly, we see that he is declaring the single life as a gift God gave in the same way as marriage.

    Paul picks up again toward the end of the chapter and makes his second “surprising” statement in verse 38: “So then he who marries his betrothed does well, but he who refrains from marriage will do even better.” In the verses just before, Paul spends time explaining precisely what he does and does not mean when he says this. Again, he reminds us that he is in no way saying no one should get married, nor is he advocating that anyone who is married already should leave that marriage. He reminds us all, married and single that living the life God has called us to is always the best life. Here, he spends some time explaining WHY he believes the single life is “even better” …it affords the opportunity for an undivided devotion to living a life on mission and pleasing the Lord.

    When you read the passage as a whole, Paul seems to be writing about the goodness of the single life and then doubling back to make sure no one misunderstands him to say that marriage is in any way an inferior status. Still, much of the time when this passage is taught in our churches today, this theme does not seem to shine through. Usually, about as much time is given to expound on the “betterness” of the single life as the verses about bondservants. Is this ignored or added as merely a footnote on purpose? I don’t think so, but it needs to start becoming part of a more extensive conversation moving forward for both single and married believers.

    If you are like me, and singleness has become more of a significant theme in your life than you ever imagined, then you have probably read these verses many times and thought to yourself (or maybe even dared to say out loud), ” Okay, Paul, I hear you but what does this really mean?”.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Jonathan Erasmus

    1. It reminds us that we are made for more than NOW. We are human; we are born with the limitations that come with being finite beings. Our human needs sometimes scream so loudly that if we are not careful, they can drown out the voice of the eternal spirit living inside us. Paul is seeking to remind us that what we see around us now is not what we should be living for or looking to fulfill us. If you are married and have children, the needs and the loudness of NOW can become exponentially more, and finding the time to focus on the eternal takes more effort. It is simple math.

    While being single is not a guarantee that one will live a more wholly devoted life for God, I believe it does come with a call to strive to do so. Jesus Himself modeled the single, focused, missional life. Are we living our single life on purpose? Or are we merely enduring the days until God may change our marital status? Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians should challenge us to embrace this life God has called us to, whether we are single for the rest of our life or just this current season.

    2. It is a call to the Church to embrace and even affirm singleness the same way God does. If we could look through Paul’s eyes, I believe we would see a vision for the Church today regarding singleness that looks very different than the present reality. I believe he envisioned a place where “Singles Ministry” was at the heart of the Church. A place leaders flow out of to minister to the whole body rather than an endless “purgatory” for the unmarried that follows youth and college ministry.

    Unfortunately, in many of our churches, it is assumed that marriage is a gift God wants to bring to everyone, and the fulfilling, purpose-driven call of singleness is not taught until much later in life and to a much smaller audience. Leaders, teachers, missionaries, and single counselors are often encouraged to find a spouse to enhance their ministry or broaden the scope of their giftings. If this is also God’s calling on their life, then they should do so, but as Paul has admonished, if this is not, then they should be encouraged to “remain as they are.”

    What if, instead, churches could find a way to teach about the devoted single life with the same excitement and purpose they teach about the importance of marriage and families?

    If you are single today, then please know that singleness is many things, but an “inferior state to be avoided at all costs” is not one of them. Living life as a party of one has its challenges, and sometimes it is easy to crave the noise of now rather than work to see the gift buried deep down under the surface. I pray that these surprising words from Paul will sink in and take root as you strive to live your life with a more focused purpose on what God is calling you to. I pray God will quiet the noise of unmet expectations and raise a community around you to encourage and challenge you in the year ahead.

    If you are a church leader, I pray God gives you the courage to encourage singleness with the same passion as the Apostle Paul. I pray you will seek ways to raise up single leaders within your fellowship and that God would bless your whole community through this effort.

    If you are a parent, please know that your son or daughter may do everything in their power to find a spouse and have their own family, but there is a very real possibility that God may call them to live through extended periods of singleness as an adult. My prayer is that you won’t fear this for your child but will raise them to know the gift it can be. I pray you will invite single people to be a part of your life and community and that God will bring them Godly examples to follow.

    Singleness can be a gift both to the single person and those in community with them.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PIKSEL

    Stephanie M. Kozick has lived and worked in Europe since 2008. She spent her first nine years abroad working with various ministries in Dublin, Ireland. For the past five years, she has served outside Athens, Greece with both ministry to nationals and the refugee population. Currently, she enjoys teaching English, connecting internationals with ministry opportunities, and learning to cook foods inspired by all the people groups who cross her path!





    Stephanie M. Kozick

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  • Can Christians Attend a Same-Sex Couple’s Baby Shower?

    Can Christians Attend a Same-Sex Couple’s Baby Shower?


    As same-sex marriage has become more prolific and socially acceptable, there is a growing number of same-sex parents. Personally, I’ve interacted with same-sex foster parents who also attend the same church as I do. My son’s friend on his soccer team has two very kind moms. I have neighbors who are same-sex parents to children in my community. We can no longer assume that just because a child is involved, both a man and a woman are in the picture when it comes to parenting. 

    As our society continues changing the rules around what constitutes a family, we must carefully consider how we should respond as believers. We know that God’s Word clearly states that God’s best for marriage and family is for one man and woman to come together. Yet, hard black-and-white lines don’t work when talking about people you love. Additionally, their child has no say in the family they are brought into, and surely they need all the love they can get as everyone needs a strong village in order to parent well. 

    How do we hold onto the truth of God’s Word while also being agents of God’s light and love? 

    It’s not easy, that’s for sure! 

    The Church Is Struggling 

    Right now, the Church is struggling along with many believers with how to navigate the great changes we see in our culture when it comes to sexuality, gender identity, marriage, and more! So much of the Church has swung to one extreme or the next on this issue. We are witnessing a large part of the Church making a choice to let go of a historically consistent view of Christian marriage and begin to believe in a boundaryless love. 

    This goes against all that God teaches in the Bible. God’s love is full of boundaries. Obedience is a part of the Christian life because we are broken creatures following a holy God. We need his guidance in order to live our best lives. God gives clear guidance on a myriad of issues, not just sexuality, because God is personally invested in our well-being. Him loving us looks like him gently leading us towards his truth, righteousness, and holiness. 

    Other parts of the church have embraced harsh and hurtful language around this issue. Their lack of understanding and compassion has left many who struggle with same-sex attraction or their gender identity hurt and alone. They forget that God has and can use all manner of broken and sinful people. He is the ultimate judge of our souls, not us! We can trust God to lead his people to repentance and freedom in his own time and way.

    Wisdom Is Needed in Every Situation 

    As a culture and as the Church, we’ve lost the ability to see the nuances of how God loves each of us, even though none of us can live up to the full standard of his holiness. Our tendency in today’s ‘cancel culture’ is to draw battle lines around things that appear wrong or we don’t understand. 

    Jesus shows us a radical alternative way of navigating our sin. 

    He asks who is sinless among us. Only they have the ability to justly throw stones! (John 8:7-11) Then Jesus, the only one with the right to judge us, goes to the person stuck in sin and gives them the chance to follow him. They have the chance to leave their life of sin and pain!

    It’s our job to be Jesus to our lost friends. To encourage those who know God but continue to struggle with sin. We need to remain faithful to the standards God gives us for living in the Bible. We must also ask God to help show us how to love well. When sin exists, wisdom is necessary in each and every situation. We need God to show us how to walk alongside others that we love prayerfully, sharing truth with them in a loving way. Thankfully, James 1:5 tells us that anytime we need wisdom, God gives it. 

    There are a few things we can consider as we seek wisdom on how to approach this kind of situation: 

    -If the couple are unbelievers, they are not held to the same standard of the Bible, so extra grace should be dispensed. 

    -Will declining to attend harm the relationship with this family? 

    -Will this declining detract from your ability to show them God’s love? 

    -Is there another way to show the child-to-be love without participating in the baby shower? 

    -What is God saying to you about this situation and how to navigate it well? 

    -Does this couple have enough of a relationship with you to know that you believe in a historically consistent biblical view of marriage and sexuality? Will attending communicate that you have abdicated your convictions or show them that you can love them this way because Jesus always loves them? 

    Thinking through these factors can help you to determine how to balance grace and truth in this situation. Sadly, there is no one-fits-all answer to these questions. We need God’s leading Spirit to help us know what he is calling us to do in our relationships. 

    Baby Showers Differ From Weddings 

    A baby shower is different from a wedding in that every child is a gift from God. This sort of celebration is designed to joyfully support the arrival of a new person whom God has a special plan for. While we may understand that same-sex relationships are not God’s best, we are called to nurture and love every child. Even if we do not feel called to participate in the baby shower, we should find a way to love this family and their child. 

    When the couple that fosters in my community had their first placement, I brought them bags of things to help them care for their kids. I delivered a gift card for dinner and wrote notes of encouragement for them and the children in their care. This wasn’t a baby shower, but it was a way to say you are not alone in this job of loving a child. Caring for kids is hard work, no matter what your family looks like. When we don’t walk alongside other families, kids are the ones who suffer the consequences.

    Related:

    8 Things You Should Know about Gay Marriage

    Should You Attend a Gay Wedding?

    How Should I Respond to My Homosexual Friends and Family?

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Anchily

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.





    Amanda Idleman

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  • Why Doesn’t God Want Couples Living Together Before Marriage?

    Why Doesn’t God Want Couples Living Together Before Marriage?


    In today’s world, there seem to be so many rules about love, dating, and marriage. Who to date. How to date. What to do to get engaged. How to stay married. With so many varying opinions about how our love lives should be, it can be difficult to decipher what to do or how to navigate successfully through relationships. For a Christian, one would think it is easy to maneuver through these rules because our guidance for living is the Bible. However, many Christians often struggle with how to live in an upright manner that pleases God. There are questions many desire to ask, and sometimes, their interpretation of Scripture can be misunderstood or taught from an opinion that seems biblically based. 

    Espoused or dating couples face many challenges and must make several decisions that can affect their relationship and challenge their morals. Where do they go for dates, what are their thoughts on premarital sex, and how long should they date or remain engaged are some of the decisions they face and often struggle with. Another decision unmarried Christian couples often face is whether or not they should live together before marriage. Many people believe there are several valid reasons to do so. For instance, you learn each other’s habits, you can discover each other’s true expectations for marriage, and it can help in deciding whether or not couples want to go through with marriage. While these are all things people need to know, for the soon-to-be-married or marriage-hopeful Christian, they may not be reason enough to take the plunge into living together before they say I do. For believers, God not wanting couples living together before marriage often plagues their thoughts, especially when there is no specific Scripture that states couples cannot live together without the benefit of marriage. If you’re wondering why, take a look at the reasons listed below.

    1. Sexual temptation.

    Being in close quarters with the one you love, the one you desire, and the person you are physically attracted to can and will tempt anyone to engage in sexual activities. The Bible provides clear instructions on maintaining sexual morality for all believers, whether they are single, engaged, or married. If you are thinking about cohabitation before saying I do, then you and your fiance need to think about how you will avoid engaging in premarital sex. Will you sleep in separate bedrooms? Will you set boundaries for each other when it comes to sexual temptation? If you succumb to your sexual desires, is there a plan of repentance in place? If you are planning to cohabitate with your partner before marriage, you must acknowledge what God says about fornication and decide how you will handle the temptations together. Again, while there is no specific scripture in the Bible that states couples should not live together before marriage, this is one reason why many believers are taught that they should not do so.

    2. It can mock marriage.

    Living together before marriage mocks the covenant of marriage because couples tend to make decisions together and take care of household finances and other responsibilities that can come with marriage. Marriage is a sacred commitment to God and the people He brings together. The responsibilities that accompany it should not be taken lightly before a solid commitment is made. While the rationale to dwell together before saying I do is for people to learn more about each other, it still mocks the union that God ordained.

    Photo credit: GettyImages/bernardbodo

    3. It takes away the value of commitment.

    Couples cohabitate together for many reasons—personal, financial, or convenience. While couples have their reasons for living together before marriage, many believe that doing so before marriage takes away the value of commitment. People can become content in their arrangement and may not feel the need to take the next step of marriage. This is not the case for all, but in many cases, couples who live together may not see the need for marriage, and for the Christian believer this dishonors God. The commitment of marriage is the standard God has set for believers. If you and your partner strive to live a life that pleases God, you may want to reconsider cohabitation before marriage. Knowing and understanding what commitment means to you and your future spouse is important. Both people need to be clear on what to expect and what level of commitment they are willing to show each other.

    4. It may be harder to leave a relationship after cohabitation.

    It’s been theorized that it may be harder to end a relationship once two people live together. Many couples have various reasons for living together before marriage, but one reason is to see if they are genuinely compatible with each other and if they can, in fact, peacefully live with each other. If people who live together discover, sooner or later, that they are not meant for each other, how do they successfully move forward with their lives individually? After sharing space, you become accustomed to seeing your partner daily; in a sense, they have become part of your routine. While establishing a new routine can be done, it can be challenging from an emotional point of view. It can also be difficult if one person does not have a stable means of income or a place to call their own in the event of a transition. No one wants someone they love to struggle, so depending on how things end, one partner may harbor feelings of guilt for wanting to leave the relationship.

    Cohabitating with someone is an important decision for people to make. Some may consider it the big step before the bigger step of marriage. While people have their reasons for doing so, this should not be judged. There are so many things to consider, and you want to be sure your reasons are valid. For the believer, if you are thinking about this, seek counseling from married couples or a premarital counselor who has the same values and beliefs as you for guidance. Also, it’s important to discuss finances, expectations for the future, responsibilities, and other goals for the future for both of you.

    The world and the world of believers have morals, values, and rules they live by for different reasons. It’s vital to be clear on how you want to live your life and how you want your relationships to go. Many people choose to cohabitate before marriage; others do not. As you continue your journey with God, your singleness, or your partner, I pray that you ask God for guidance on how He wants your life and all your relationships to go. Always be mindful, prayerful, and careful with the decisions you make in your relationships. Do what honors God and what’s best for both of you to live in harmony.

    Photo credit: © Getty Images/jacoblund

    Crosswalk Contributor Liz LampkinAuthor Liz Lampkin is an experienced writer, teacher, and speaker. She is an advocate for singles who encourages them to live their best life God’s way. Follow her on Instagram @Liz_Lampkin.





    Liz Lampkin

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  • 3 Ways Grandparents Can Leave a Legacy of Faith

    3 Ways Grandparents Can Leave a Legacy of Faith


    There are a few moments that stand out as optimal grandparent time in our memories. You know, the ones many of us share if we were blessed enough to be able to spend time with our grandparents.

    The Christmas program, when, as a child, you looked out into the audience and saw their proud smiles. Or, the birthday when they bring you the present you were aching for and had been told by the not-so-cool parents that you wouldn’t be receiving it. Or, there may be that one special memory that you revisit from time to time, and a reminiscent smile rests on your face.

    But what is the difference between memory versus legacy.

    Webster’s dictionary defines “memory” as: the power or process of reproducing or recalling what has been learned and retained especially through associative mechanisms. Essentially, it’s a repetitive replay of the past, either good or bad, special or traumatic.

    “Legacy” on the other hand, comes with a very different emphasis. Webster’s describes legacy as: something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past. A carrying over of something tangible, perhaps tradition, a belief, a way of life.

    In this article, we will focus on how grandparents can truly leave a legacy of faith that can shape their families for years to come.

    How My Own Grandparents Impacted My Faith

    I was blessed to build many memories with my grandparents. I was blessed to have grandparents in my life, and my children have also received a similar blessing.

    While, my memories of my grandma are those of watching the Lawrence Welk show on her slippery couch (some material that was actually shiny!), and of being put to bed only to sneak out after my older brother was asleep to curl up into her cozy side and watch Dallas and Dynasty (perfect childhood bedtime shows), I have taken some time recently to sit back and reflect on what legacy she left behind.

    How was it different from my other grandmother’s? And how my grandfathers’ legacies affected me as well?

    I knew my Gramma Wright for my first eight years of life. Memories are sketchy, but legacy? I have been startled at how much legacy was instilled in me in those short eight years.

    The one I recall the most, is the legacy of joy. She was an insatiably joyful person. I’m not sure if that was just my perspective, but then, does it matter? It was what she passed along to me.

    She showed me joy by taking a deep satisfaction in allowing me to spend time with her. Whether it was watching a forbidden nighttime soap that went completely over my head, or helping her make her ridiculously salty homemade macaroni and cheese, or telling me stories of sleigh rides in the snow at Christmas as a child.

    Gramma Wright found joy in every circumstance. I’m sure her faith played a part in that. She’d lost my Grandpa Wright before I was born, but she didn’t exude a spirit of loneliness or grief. I’m sure she felt it, but her mission seemed to be to instill in me a legacy of joy.

    No matter the circumstance. When she passed away, the last time I visited her in the hospital, I recall her shouting down the hallway from her bed as I walked away with my parents to go home. “I love you! I love you!” she cried in a wobbly, weak voice.

    Looking back, I get teary eyed. It’s a memory to go along with her legacy. Her legacy of time spent with loved ones, and finding essential joy within the spirits of her family. As you study your relationship with your grandchildren, consider the qualities and characteristics you want to etch into their foundations as pivotal.

    These will stay with them long into their adult years as cornerstones to who they are as a person and as someone impacting the world around them.

    My other gramma, Gramma Lola, instilled in me a legacy of history. She breathed and oozed family history and every antique she owned was connected to someone in our lineage who had a story.

    Gramma Lola was not a story writer, nor was she a story teller, but yet she believed strongly in the power of story. In the power of remembering loved ones, learning from loved ones long since past, and incorporating their legacies in our daily lives.

    I knew from a young age that her father had struggled with prejudice as a German immigrant who spoke little English. I learned too, that he fought through it, took pride in his heritage, and made sure his children and grandchildren held their heads up.

    My Gramma Lola was not ashamed of her strong German roots, even when the World War came and Germans weren’t particularly preferred. Do your grandchildren know where they came from?

    Scripture talks of the influence of ancestry and generational traditions and faith. If your grandchildren aren’t aware of the framework that has formed your family, their attachment and devotion to what has been important in your family tree, will be lost.

    Educate them on the constructs of their ancestors, and share with them the faith, the perseverance, and the fortitude with which your family tree has been cultivated.

    I can go on. But now that I have my own children, I look to my parents and my in-laws and how they too are instilling legacy. Most importantly, how they are instilling a legacy of faith.

    It’s more than apparent that grandparents have a huge impact on the lives of their grandchildren. And, while I’ve sought out these legacies, defined them, and nested them deep in my heart, how does a grandparent effectively communicate legacy to their grandchildren? Especially a legacy of faith?

    In reviewing my own experiences, and now watching my children’s, I’ve found some clarity. Here are 3 ways grandparents can leave a legacy of faith.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    1. Make Faith an Active, Included Part of Life

    My grandparents were strong in their faith, and because of such, that legacy was passed on to both sets of my parents. But it wasn’t the going to church part that instilled it.

    Honestly, it wasn’t even the practice of Christianity’s traditions. It was how they lived their faith.

    When there is a struggle with one of my children at school, my mom will pick them up and more often than not, by the time I’m able to snatch them after work, my Dad has spent time in prayer with them over the situation, or my mom has commiserated with my daughter and then helped her to self-reflect on what Jesus would have her do.

    A legacy of faith is the inclusion of bedtime prayers with grandparents, and when my Dad plays “church” with them, allowing the kids to “preach the Word”, and lead worship songs with their ukuleles and recorders.

    I’m sure it’s the most unprofessionally produced worship service, but the kids come home chattering about how they had “church” with Poppy–on a weekday.

    Faith becomes just a normal part of life. It’s not marked by significant traditions, so much as stamped into life by daily events.

    2. Make Faith a Part of Every Day Conversation

    I think grandparents often rely on the fact that actions speak louder than words. In the end, the old adage is true.

    However, with children–especially little ones–it’s important to verbalize your faith.

    Do I recall my grandparents living a good life? One of ethics and morality? Absolutely! But I also know–because they made it clear by talking about it–that these decisions were not made simply out of innate human goodness.

    It was driven by their faith in their Savior and was dependent on not just their awareness of Him, but also their reliance on His Word. Our children need to learn–especially in these days–that goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and so forth, are not inspired by our personal aptitude.

    Different versions of human kindness and respect abound and what to some is common sense, to others, it contradicts the essence of what they’ve experienced. A measuring tool, a point of reference, a place of truth, needs to be established for these little lives who will one day take up the mantle of faith and walk forward.

    So speak your origins of faith into them. Verbalize the Scripture you hold dear. Express to them why you do what you do as inspired by your relationship with the Lord. Don’t rely merely on your actions to communicate the roots and the foundations of why those actions abound.

    Words become the memories we draw upon long after loved ones have left our lives, and the verbalization of your faith will become a whisper on their heart for eternity. 

    3. Make Faith the Priority

    I know my Grandpa Wright found hunting and fishing to be his number one thing. It was his hobby, his passion, and by having such, he instilled a deep appreciation for nature into my dad and his brothers, which in turn, has been passed down to us.

    Interestingly, what is missing here, is his faith. I asked my dad once if Grandpa Wright had been a follower of Christ. My dad replied that he believed he was. That he had been baptized and had made a profession of faith at a Billy Sunday revival meeting.

    But the thing is, the prioritizing of that faith was not my grandpa’s priority. Did that make him a bad legacy builder? Not at all. In looking back on his life, I believe he was a follower of Christ–again, his actions speak as well, but his voice was very quiet.

    My own dad has made a pivotal effort in his relationship with his grandchildren, to make it known that he is passionately following Jesus. It is his priority.

    There will be no question, after my dad passes, as to whether he was or wasn’t a Believer. It will just be known. It was his priority, after all, and he made sure we all knew that. Very, very well.

    The prioritization of your faith will become a spiritual tattoo of sorts on the souls of your grandchildren. While it can–and at times will–be ignored, it is still always there and it is non-erasable.

    It is in the dark times, perhaps even the blessed times, your grandchildren will capture glimpses of these Spiritual priorities, inked in a Spiritual pen, that will draw them, compel them, and remind them that faith is an indelible mark of consistency they should not ignore. 

    In the end, leaving a legacy for our grandchildren is important. Leaving the legacy of faith is critical. Faith is being challenged, threatened even, and going forward, freedoms may even be limited.

    We cannot take for granted that faith will just come to our grandchildren, or they will somehow assume the faith because we have it. We must teach it. With words, actions, prioritization, and depth.

    As Deuteronomy states so clearly, we must saturate the lives of the next generation with the Lord. 

    Deuteronomy 6.5-7: You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

    Diligently. Passionately. Constantly.

    And your legacy will bear fruit for generations to come.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Sam Edwards

    Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.





    Jaime Jo Wright

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  • What to Do When Your Wife Says, “I’m Fine”

    What to Do When Your Wife Says, “I’m Fine”


    Many people view the male/female dynamic as complex. Sometimes, when you have been together for years, you don’t know how to take each other. This is especially true when a wife says, “I’m fine.” There are many reasons we say, “We’re fine,” which is not comforting to the men in our lives at all. So, what should you do when your wife says, “I’m fine?” Assess the situation and try these.

    There’s a good possibility that we could actually be fine. This is often the answer we give after a long day at work. This could also mean a long, drawn-out conversation about a problem is not what we’re up for right now. We’re not trying to be coy. We don’t want to explain ourselves any further.

    Take us at our word and let it go. If we want to talk further, we will let you know.

    2. We Have Something on Our Mind that We Are Afraid to Say

    We may be uncomfortable about something in the relationship but don’t want to come out and say it. In our society, people frown upon being the first to voice grievances in a relationship.

    Give us some time; we will eventually want to talk, and when we do, both parties need to be non-judgmental out of genuine concern for the issue from both parties.

    3. Don’t Always Assume it Has Something to Do with You

    Sometimes, we are upset about other things that have nothing to do with you. A rude coworker, a fight with a family member, losing a friendship. We can be upset about all kinds of things, and some things we can’t share because we want to protect someone’s privacy.

    If you ask and we don’t want to talk about it, let it go. We may feel like talking about it later, as long as it doesn’t infringe on anyone’s privacy.

    4. Remember We Are Complex

    Women are very multi-faceted and complex. This doesn’t mean you have to figure out the meaning of everything we say. Society conditions us to keep what hurts us inside, but you have the power to break down those walls. You should be wondering why you feel you can’t trust our answer and why we are trying to hide our emotions.

    5. Let Her Know How You Feel

    Photo credit: GettyImages/bernardbodo

    In a nonconfrontational way, let your partner know how you are feeling. Build up to an exciting conversation that she can take part in and explain why talking about what she is struggling with is beneficial. Easing her into a conversation will make her feel more comfortable and more willing to share about what is bothering her.

    6. Be Empathetic

    As you are discussing, keep control of your own emotions. What you think is something minor to be upset about may be huge for your wife. Keeping your feelings in check will help your partner feel comfortable sharing their feelings now and in the future.

    7. Give Her Time to Reflect

    While your partner is sharing the issue, listen actively; don’t just sit there. Ask questions when necessary to clarify what she’s saying or ensure you are on the same page. If the issue is a sensitive topic, she may need a warm hug or words of encouragement from you to help make her feel at ease.

    Letting her know you support her and then leaving her to reflect on the issue or situation and how she feels can be the best thing you can do. Many of us need to think through things and reflect to help process what has happened or how we feel.

    8. Respect Her Boundaries

    Don’t push the issue if she’s not ready to talk. The last thing she wants is to be hounded or peppered with a thousand questions when trying to work through something. Instead, go do something on your own for a while and then come back a little later and ask if she would like to talk.

    woman sitting on couch holding coffee mug with blanket thinking, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    9. Reflect

    Think about the last time you were in this situation, and she said, “I’m fine.” What was going on in your life? Did you fight or say something that upset her? Did she have a bad day at work, or were the kids driving her crazy? Was she having issues with a friend, family member, coworker, or boss? How did you react?

    Reflecting on these things may give you some insight into why she is upset now. If some of the same things that upset her before are still going on, this may be why she’s upset now.

    10. Talk to Your Friends

    This doesn’t mean you should air your dirty laundry, but it may help to talk to some guy friends. Especially those who have been married longer than you. When you are just married, you are still getting to know each other, and living together differs from dating. You see each other at your best and your worst, twenty-four-seven, three hundred sixty-five days a year.

    Meet a friend for coffee, explain what’s going on, and ask for some advice. You are not the only man in the world who struggles when their girlfriend or wife says, “I’m fine.” Many men aren’t sure what to do in this situation.

    Seeking a friend who has been married either a few or several years longer than you should be helpful. This friend has had more time and experience navigating their relationship and will give you some good tips on what to do. Although every relationship is different, you can at least get some different ideas on how to approach this situation.

    11. Pray about It

    Ask the Lord to help you discern the best way to help your wife and for him to help her with what’s bothering her. Ask him to give her clarity about how to resolve the issue or what not to do if it’s going to make the issue worse.

    The relationship between a husband and wife is special and complex. Even after dating for several years, it takes time to know your spouse. Humans are complicated, and knowing what your spouse means is hard when they only give short answers. You may have to reflect on what’s going on in your life, leave her alone with her emotions, or trust what she says. Remember to keep communication open and honest and always try to communicate with love. Trust your instincts when your wife says, “I’m fine.” If your gut tells you she’s fine, then trust it. If it tells you something more is going on, give her some space. She will come back to talk to you in time, and then you can find out the meaning behind her “I’m fine.”

    Photo credit: GettyImages/Makidotvn

    Related Podcast Resource: 5 Ways to C.O.V.E.R. Your Marriage in Prayer

    One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. Learning communication skills, conflict resolution techniques and intimacy hacks are great. However, if you’re leaving your marriage uncovered by failing to pray for your spouse and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable to attacks. Prayer is an essential guiding tool to get you and your spouse on the same page and create unity in your marriage. In this episode of Real Relationship Talk, Dana Che shares her acronym C.O.V.E.R., which teaches you how to specifically pray for your marriage. To listen, just click the play button below:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

    Click here to read the full article.





    Carrie Lowrance

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  • Can I Be Happy as a Single Christian?

    Can I Be Happy as a Single Christian?


    There are disagreements within the Christian community over the matter of which is better—being married or being single. The Bible tells us that each is a good option (1 Corinthians 7:1-40). Those who are married should not condemn those who are not married, and those who are single should not condemn those who are married. With that being said, many individuals are still concerned if they can be happy as single Christians. While it is true the Bible says both are good, holy, and pleasing to the Lord, there is still the question of whether a Christian can be happy if they never get married.

    If you are a single Christian, know that this gives you the opportunity to be completely devoted to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-34). Being completely devoted to the Lord is a beautiful thing because it means you have your eyes fully set upon Christ. This will allow you to grow and mature in your faith in ways that others cannot. Married couples are concerned about pleasing each other; however, single Christians are most concerned about serving the Lord.

    Serving the Lord brings an individual much joy and happiness. By worshiping and serving the Lord, you are doing what God created you to do. There is a misnomer circulating the world that you are somehow less of a person if you are not married. This could not be further from the truth. The seminary I attended briefly taught this incorrect view and it left a lasting impact on individuals. If you have been told this or made to feel this way, know it is not true.

    Being a single Christian does not make you any less of a person. You are completely loved and cherished by God. He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-16). Nowhere in the Bible are we told that marriage is superior to singleness. While it is true God says that it is not good for man to be alone, a single Christian is never really alone. There are many other trusted Christian individuals one can lean on and receive help from in their time of need. 

    Leaning on Other Single Friends 

    This is why it is important for you to lean on other single Christian friends when you are feeling down. This is not to say all single Christians feel this way because many do not. Singleness is a gift and something that should be cherished; however, it is not unrealistic to say many Christians do not want to stay single forever. Remember the truth that whether this is a season of singleness or if you will stay single for your entire life, it is all working out for your good (Romans 8:28).

    This can be hard for the single Christian woman who sees all of her friends getting married while she hasn’t ever dated or for the single Christian man who feels as though there is something wrong with him whenever he asks a woman out on a date and the woman says no. If you are going through one of these things, know that singleness is nothing to be ashamed of. You might feel like the odd one out, but remember the truth that God doesn’t make mistakes, and you will be able to have a more devoted relationship with Him through your singleness.

    Talking with your single Christian friends can also help if you have a strong desire to date or get married. They will be able to help you process these feelings and desires. It would be especially helpful if these individuals were older Christians who are seasoned in knowing what it means to be single and committed to someone. By talking to them, you will be able to see the joy in their eyes and feel the happiness that they radiate, whether married or not. 

    Your Worth Is Not Tied to Your Relationship Status 

    It is also worthwhile to mention that to be happy as a single Christian, you have to stop tying your worth to your relationship status. It doesn’t matter if you are single or married—you are seen as beloved in the eyes of God. God does not think more highly of people who are married compared to those who are single and vice versa. The idea that your worth is tied to your relationship status comes from unbiblical teachings. 

    Your worth is found in Christ alone. This is reason enough to rejoice. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone nor do you have to explain yourself to anyone. As a single Christian, you are 100% worthy. You are worthy because of Jesus. In the same way, married couples are 100% worthy because of Jesus. A person’s worth is not tied to their relationship status, but rather, it is found in Christ.

    Joy in Singleness 

    With all of these facts in mind, there is no reason not to be happy as a single Christian. Just because you are single does not mean you are missing out on anything. There is a beauty in singleness and a blessing to behold. You will be able to spend devoted time with the Lord and allow Him to lead every step of your life. Do not let others look down on you or view you as “incomplete” if you are not married. You are complete in Christ just as you are.

    Whether you are single for a few years before God brings the right person into your life or you are single for the rest of your life, know that there is nothing wrong with singleness. The idea that there is something “bad” or “wrong” with being single doesn’t come from God. Instead, it comes from the idea that everyone has to be married. Not every individual Christian will get married in their lifetime, and that is okay.

    There will be many single Christians who never marry, and we need to normalize it. It is completely okay and biblical to remain unmarried. You could choose to remain single because you want to devote yourself to serving God, or you could find yourself to be single because this is what God has planned for your life. The important thing to remember is that you are worthy, loved, and cherished by God. Even if you may never marry does not mean you will be miserable.

    Consider this: many people who are married are miserable. Their spouses leave them, cheat on them, or are abusive to them. As we can see, a life of singleness is nothing to be afraid of. Both singleness and marriage pose their own problems. Regardless, by being single, your entire focus is on the Lord, and He will never leave.

    Marriage is difficult, and it is not for every person. Films, television shows, and music all try to make it out to be a walk in the park, but it isn’t. If you ask any married couple, they probably have their own issues. Just because someone is married doesn’t mean they are happy all the time. In the same way, just because you are single doesn’t mean you will be miserable all the time. Within marriage and singleness, there will both be times of despair and happiness. 

    Therefore, yes, you can be happy as a single Christian. There is nothing wrong with being a single Christian. You will be able to serve God more fully and faithfully. Being single is a gift and nothing to be ashamed of. There will be times of sorrow, grief, and despair, but there will also be times of happiness, joy, and smiles. The same goes for married individuals. As we can see, you can be happy whether you are married or single—it’s all about focusing on Jesus. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.





    Vivian Bricker

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  • Lysa TerKeurst Celebrates Second Marriage after ‘Painful’ Divorce

    Lysa TerKeurst Celebrates Second Marriage after ‘Painful’ Divorce

    Best-selling author and Proverbs 31 Ministries founder Lysa TerKeurst has announced that she has remarried two years after her divorce from her husband, Art TerKeurst, after 29 years of marriage.

    “I want to invite you in to share a new chapter in my life,” TerKeurst captioned in a post on Instagram on Thursday.

    According to The Christian Post, the post included several photos from her wedding to her new husband, Chaz.

    “In January of 2023, I met Chaz. And as the pages kept turning last year, we knew what we’d found in each other was love. A beautiful love that requires work like love always does. But a togetherness that is safe, honest, fun, funny and surrendered to the sacred way God tells us to love and care for each other.”

    “We got engaged last fall, which I decided to hold private so I could tell as many people as possible face to face. I got to tell many of you when we saw each other at stores and airports and coffee shops and dinners and FaceTimes. Those were sweet conversations I treasure.”

    View this post on Instagram

    A post shared by Lysa TerKeurst (@lysaterkeurst)

    “And then last week, surrounded by our family and some beautiful mountains, Chaz and I exchanged our vows. As soon as we were announced husband and wife, some fun music started playing. I invited our kids and grandkids to join in as we all danced in the gently falling snow.”

    In January 2022, Terkeurst announced she had filed for divorce from Art in 2021 due to infidelity. While she initially wanted to divorce her husband in 2017 because of infidelity and addiction, the couple renewed their vows a year later after restoring their marriage.

    However, she sought for divorce a second time after Art broke the renewed vows. A subsequent court filing found that Art spent more than $118,000 on an extramarital affair with a woman he met on SugarDaddy.com.

    “Over the past several years, I have fought really hard to not just save my marriage, but to survive the devastation of what consistent deception of one spouse does to the other,” she wrote at the time. “It’s brutal and heart crushing to constantly fear the hurtful choices of someone you love. I’ve had to learn the hard way there’s a big difference between mistakes (which we all make) and chosen patterns of behavior that dishonor God and the biblical covenant of marriage.”

    With Art, the couple have five adult children together.

    RELATED:
    Lysa TerKeurst Opens Up about Finding Love Again following Her Divorce
    ‘Brutal and Heartcrushing’: Christian Author Lysa TerKeurst Announces  Divorce from Husband of 29 Years

    In her recent post, TerKeurst pointed to God’s faithfulness amid her seasons of hardship.

    “God is kind. God is faithful. When life begs me to believe otherwise, I remind myself that God’s not done yet. There’s more to be revealed. We’ll see,” she wrote.

    “And though I sometimes still feel pricks of pain over some really hard stuff in the past, I’m so grateful I didn’t stay stuck trying to make things happen my way and in my timing. In my stubbornness, I thought I knew what was best. It was God’s grace all those times He told me ‘no,’” TerKeurst continued.

    “God helped me learn to lean on Him in the midst of my biggest disappointments and how to sit alone and be okay. He helped me fight battles that are still going on, not with one great big miraculous intervention, but instead with daily provisions and assurances.”

    TerKeurst, who leads Proverbs 31 Ministries, has authored several New York Times bestselling books, including It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way and Forgiving What You Can’t Forget.

    Image credit: Lysa TerKeurst / Instagram

    Milton Quintanilla is a freelance writer and content creator. He is a contributing writer for Christian Headlines and the host of the For Your Soul Podcast, a podcast devoted to sound doctrine and biblical truth. He holds a Masters of Divinity from Alliance Theological Seminary.

    LISTEN: Let Our Bible Study Expert Help You Start the New Year Right!

    Have you ever chosen a word for the year? Whether you pick a word each year or never have before, I think this episode will help you order your life in the year to come. If you don’t know what your word is, today might be a great day for you to hear some of the things that we are promised in Christ that you in faith can claim for yourself for 2024. Keep in mind, each of these words requires faith.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 5 Verses on Strength for When You Feel Weak

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    You can read Rhonda’s full article here.





    Milton Quintanilla

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  • What Do We Do When Marriage Is Hard?

    What Do We Do When Marriage Is Hard?

    Some couples speak of blissful-filled marriages, where spending time together is wonderful and the constant conversations never end. It’s wonderful, too, to hear of these ideal, trouble-free unions. Who wouldn’t want to reside in such a carefree, easy sort of relationship where husband and wife are each other’s best friends?

    For other couples though, it’s a very different story. Staying married is filled with challenges, and for many, just trying to get along, communicate, and co-reside in a home is an ongoing battle.

    There’s also lots of chatter in our culture concerning marriage, relationships, and red flags, including opinions and advice from a secular, unbiblical viewpoint that doesn’t align with God’s truth. It’s important when going through marital challenges that we don’t turn to worldly views because they’re tickling our ears with what we want to hear, feel, and do rather than the truth of God’s Word.

    Likewise, we often look around and see couples we think have it all together, but even in marriages that appear to be solid with the perfect couple, it can be hard. Evangelist Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth, is credited with saying, when asked if she ever considered divorce, “No, but murder, yes.”

    Why Fight for a Marriage That’s Hard?

    Tragically, marriage is under severe attack. Society is working to have people devalue, avoid, mock, and redesign it. However, God designed marriage to be a sacred union, respected, revered, and held holy before Him.

    Our culture has been whittling marriage down to a legal contract for whoever wants to marry. But marriage is a sacred covenant designed by God. Men’s and women’s laws do not have the power to reinvent it.

    Marriage is so vital to God and His plan for His followers because it represents the relationship between His Church and Jesus Christ. It’s why the devil is out in full force, attacking and ripping marriages apart, set on destroying and stopping God’s will on earth.

    Revelation 19:7 describes Christ and His Church to come: “Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready.”

    More than most Christians realize, marriage is more than worth the fight, just like the Church of Jesus Christ is worth fighting the battle. Believers unwilling to fight for their marriages may find it too hard to stand up and fight for the Church.

    Why Bother to Save a Difficult Marriage?

    It is vital for believers in Jesus Christ to take their earthly marriage vows with reverence and commitment, understanding that it is a covenant with God and with each other, not a contract. Ephesians 5:25-33 explains how, through the mystery of earthly marriage designed to form an unbreakable bond between husband, wife, and God, He reveals the mystery of His Bride, the Church.

    “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through word and to present her to Himself as a radiant Church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27

    God designed marriage as the model for what the Church is to be—the Body of Christ on Earth. Ephesians 5:28-30 goes on to explain, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the Church—for we are members of His body.”

    As Ephesians 5:31 explains, God created marriage as a profound mystery that reveals His eternal plan for Christ and His Church: “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the Church.”

    Where Do Couples Turn for Help?

    For those who struggle in their marriages but want to do whatever they can to stay married, what can they do to keep going?

    What does a wife do if her spouse is distant, unresponsive, uninterested, or uninvolved? Does she sit him down and cross-examine him in hopes of finding out what’s going on? Perhaps for some couples, this course of action works, but especially for most men, they seem to clam up when being put on the spot and questioned. But what does God’s Word lead a wife to do? 

    At times when our marriage is in distress, we can turn to Scripture and trust what it tells us to do in difficult situations, especially when it comes to marriage. God gives us His Word to encourage, strengthen, and comfort us when marriage is hard. 

    Where Do a Husband and Wife Begin?

    The following are five ways we can practice scriptural truths in our marriages in a way that helps us stay married:

    1. Pray. First and most importantly, wives can pray for their husbands. 1 Timothy 2:1 encourages, “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people.”

    If at all possible, pray with them. By doing so, we’re letting God work through the words the Holy Spirit is leading us to say to soften his heart. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 urges us to “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 

    2. Follow God’s Word. Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

    So what do we say to ourselves when our hearts are leading us to leave our marriages and go with our fun-loving neighbor down the street? Or our co-worker in the office who gets us or the outgoing man at the coffee shop who notices us, pays extra attention, listens to our stories, and makes us feel attractive and wanted?

    The world’s advice to “follow our heart” can lead us straight off a steep cliff. We can’t trust our hearts to take us in the right direction. Mark 7:21-22 explains, “For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance, and folly.”

    When temptation comes, we can turn to God to help us, and He will. In our weakness, we can turn to Him, follow His Word, and He will lead us to safety. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

    3. Choose Love. Unlike what songs, films, and poems often profess, love is not a feeling. It’s a decision. Although we may not like to admit it, feelings are often tied to how our spouse makes us feel, so when feelings diminish or change, which they usually do, we often believe we no longer love them. 

    But what some call love, the feeling that comes and goes with a whim and changes with the breeze, is not a love that comes from God because His love lasts; it never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8).

    True love is not a fleeting kind of love but rather a choice to love when it’s hard, with the love of God that is strong enough to cover sin. To endure a hard marriage is to let the love of God flow through us to our spouse. 1 Peter 4:8 urges us to “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

    4. Forgive Each Other. Colossians 3:13 encourages us to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

    Although many see this as forgiving everyone but their spouse, marriage is probably where this godly principle is needed the most and is given the greatest opportunity to be practiced. Ruth Bell Graham stated, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

    5. Submit to One Another. Although some consider it demeaning in practice, even now in some Christian circles, submission is a beautiful act of sacrifice and worship to God. True submission is not about the other person but has everything to do with our reverence and obedience to Christ. Ephesians 5:21 urges, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

    We’re called to submit to each other, including our husbands, which stirs up strong reactions from many women, who find it easier to do with almost anyone else rather than to their husbands.

    1 Peter 3:1-2 urges, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

    Wives, although a hard pill to swallow, we want to ask ourselves and God if our unwillingness to submit to our own husbands reveals rebellion in our hearts towards God. The enemy of our souls doesn’t want us to submit to God and convinces us it is a weakness to do so, which is a lie because it’s quite the opposite. 

    Submission causes the devil to flee from us. James 4:7 explains, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

    Marriage to Be Honored by All

    Hebrews 13:4 calls for marriage to be honored by all, and this is why the devil and his cohorts are ruthlessly at work to destroy and deconstruct God’s sacred design.

    So how are couples able to withstand the vicious assaults against holy matrimony? God’s Word gives us the answer: by praying, following God’s Word, choosing to love one another, forgiving each other, and submitting one to another in obedience to Christ. 

    These are key to transforming a hard marriage into one that reflects Christ and His Church on Earth.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.





    Lynette Kittle

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  • 8 Ways Kids Will Change Your Marriage (for the Better!)

    8 Ways Kids Will Change Your Marriage (for the Better!)


    Almost 13 years ago my husband and I welcomed our first born into our lives. This precious baby boy was the answer to many prayers. Our excitement ran high and our hearts were overflowing with emotion. We could not imagine anything better than that moment.

    But there was something better, our marriage.

    Having kids can be hard on a marriage. Too often we hear about couples who begin to struggle and find their marriages in a fragile place. Well, I am here to share with you eight ways kids will change your marriage, for the better.

    1. You Become a Better Team

    When I got married, I was told that marriage was something I would have to work at. I would need to be a team player. After having children, this piece of advice became clear. Husbands and wives become one before God on their wedding day. They commit to working together as a team to glorify the Lord.

    Becoming parents creates a stronger team. The level of empathy is driven higher. You are both now responsible for another life. That responsibility includes feeding, clothing, providing safety and security, and molding their minds in the way they should live. Both of you are now parents and you realize that working together can reap huge rewards for your children and your marriage.

    2. You Cherish Each Other’s Company More

    We are aware of how much time a child requires daily. By the time we get to the end of the day, there is just nothing left. Spending time with your spouse begins to suffer. That realization creates a situation where when you do get that special time together, you cherish it.

    You aren’t criticizing the fact that your time together is not filled with chocolates, roses, or candles. Time together as parents now includes sitting on the couch after the children are in bed or watching your favorite TV show together. Maybe you take a short walk around your neighborhood while someone watches the kids.

    None of these activities seem special, but for husbands and wives on the parenting journey, it is a time that you can just focus on each other. Couples can experience conversations without interruptions and cherish the time cuddling without your precious little one rooting between you.

    3. You Become More Present With One Another

    Being present with your spouse can fuel your connection with each other. When you are present with someone, you put aside your desires and expectations. You no longer have a standard your spouse should live up to. For a moment, all the expectations of parenting are put aside.

    It is safe to say that my husband and I don’t spend a lot of time together because we are parents. We are juggling schedules to get the kids to their activities, get to the grocery store, and make sure everyone has clean clothes. This reality has made me stop and pay attention more.

    I have found myself staring at my husband when he is working on his motorcycle, caring for the cattle, or even when he is reading a book. These are the moments I feel most present and connected with him. I see him in his natural environment and learn more about what he loves and how he loves.

    We can learn so much about our spouses by making ourselves present. Becoming parents helps us accomplish that because we are limited on our time.

    4. You Become More Aware of the Need to Carve out Time for Each Other

    Getting married changed the relationship between my husband and I. Before our wedding day we were diligent about spending time together. Of course, I was in college an hour away from him. Once we married, we were living together. We had each other 24/7 so the need to carve out time for each other was put on the back burner. Every night was date night.

    Parenting changed all of that. I was once told by a birthing counselor to remember that you had each other before the kids came along. How true that statement is. Too often we can put our children in front of our spouses needs. All our time is devoted to parenting and that can leave your spouse feeling neglected.

    Having children means we must carve out time together. That time is so special and so appreciated. Without children, I don’t think we would have date nights or be running away to sit in the car and just talk.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes 

    5. You Have Better Communication

    Dr. Philip Cowan, a professor of psychology, stated in a 2005 article that parenting reveals fault lines in a marriage. I have to agree with this. Personally, I found my method of communication was terrible. As parents, we have moments where we feel underappreciated and exhausted. Then we lash out at our spouses. It’s after that moment has passed that we should be saying,” I’m sorry, I said those words in anger and I should have thought before I spoke.”

    My husband and I have found that our communication is much better now than before we had children. Couples have a clearer understanding of the need to be honest with each other and share their feelings openly. God created marriage so that we would have a helpmate.

    How can we help each other if we don’t communicate well? Having children will help you check in with each other regularly and keep the lines of communication open.

    6. You Create a Deeper Respect For One Another

    My husband often told me how much he admired me for becoming a mother. He experienced the nausea, exhaustion, and lower ability to breathe and even walk without waddling. During the birth process, he witnessed the miracle of birth and how dangerous it could be.

    Experiencing the birth and day to day events of raising children will bring you and your spouse closer. I know what being a mom is like, but I cannot understand the struggles of being a father. I respect and admire my husband for teaching our son how to be a Godly man and showing our daughter how a man should treat her.

    Having children truly does allow us the opportunity to see deeper into our spouse’s hearts and souls. What a blessing that could be!

    7. You Build a Greater Sense of Intimacy

    Intimacy is a feeling of closeness with someone. According to one definition I read, it is a private, cozy atmosphere. Couples with children need to have a private, cozy place with one another. As you drudge through the day-to-day, it is wonderful to be able to fall into the arms of your spouse.

    After kids, the intimate physical relationship with your spouse can change, but it doesn’t have to. I have experienced a greater sense of intimacy with my husband since having children. I realize that when the moon is in the sky, cuddling with my man makes me feel safe and accepted. Getting a hug or stealing a kiss in the middle of the day can reset your mind.

    8. You Build a Deeper Relationship with God

    God is the model all parents should follow. He has filled His word with instruction regarding parenting. The words in Deuteronomy 11:18-19 remind us that we are to fix the word of God on our hearts and teach them to our children. We are to speak the Word of God in our homes, when we walk, when we lie down, and when we get up.

    Teaching our children, the word of God starts with learning the Word ourselves. Husbands and wives that read the Bible together and pray together will develop a deeper relationship with Christ. They will turn to him for answers in their marriage and their parenting journey.

    Marriage is a sacred commitment made before God that is filled with joyous moments. Parenting can create struggles, but we now know that becoming parents doesn’t mean failed marriages. We can still nurture that relationship and build a solid marriage based on the Word of God.

    A marriage like that will teach our children what their marriages should be like. They will know what love, respect, and honor looks like. What better lesson can we teach our children than to love God and how to love the partner God created for them?

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Ketut Subiyanto

    Ashley Hooker headshotAshley Hooker is a freelance writer who spends her time homeschooling her two children, ministering alongside her husband as he pastors a rural church in West Virginia, and writing about her faith. Currently, she is a contributing author for Journey Christian magazine. She has taken part in mission trips with the NC Baptist Men during the devastation of Hurricanes Katrina and Harvey in Mississippi and Texas. In her local church, she has served on various committees focusing in the area of evangelism along with traveling to West Virginia and Vermont to share the Gospel. Her dream is to spend her time writing and sharing the love of Christ with all she meets.

    LISTEN: Let Our Bible Study Expert Help You Start the New Year Right!

    Have you ever chosen a word for the year? Whether you pick a word each year or never have before, I think this episode will help you order your life in the year to come. If you don’t know what your word is, today might be a great day for you to hear some of the things that we are promised in Christ that you in faith can claim for yourself for 2024. Keep in mind, each of these words requires faith.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    Related video:

    Are you in the trenches with your toddlers or teens? Read Rhonda’s full article here!





    Ashley Hooker

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  • 15 Tips for New Grandparents

    15 Tips for New Grandparents

    One of the most significant milestones in your life is becoming a grandparent. A new generation has been added to your family, and you have entered a season of life that is so wonderful you could never imagine it. That new grandchild will change your life and give you glimpses of God in every smile.

    1. Pray. If you are a believing grandparent, you have no doubt been praying for this baby and the parents much longer than you have known him or her. When the baby finally comes, you hold that answer to your prayers in your arms and marvel at God’s handiwork. You felt somewhat the same way when the doctor put your own babies in your arms, but something about the tiny little extension of your family to the next generation brings tremendous emotion.

    Your prayers don’t stop now that the baby is here. In fact, the older your grandchild gets, the more they need our prayers to cover them constantly. The world they are growing up in gets a little more difficult every year. We want our grandchildren to grow up in the world but not experience all the things of the world.

    2. Play. Adult children love to see their parents enjoying their children. “I love to see you get down on the floor to play with the kids,” one of my adult children said. 

    You may think an infant is not ready to play yet. But you can sing to them; let them see the joy of the Lord in you. Play hand games where you can hold their hands in yours. Read books to them. Even when they are very young, they can enjoy just sitting in your lap. When they lay on a blanket for “tummy time,” join them and let them look into your eyes while you are together on the blanket.

    Toddlers enjoy playing ball, building with blocks, and learning to color – all things you can do with them. This is a good time to teach them to put away what they pull out to play. If you start early, the cleaning up just becomes part of the play session.

    Since my grandchildren were young, we have had a running card game, so they are always ready to play when they come to my house. The sad thing is that as I have taught them, they have become much better players than me and can quickly beat me in a game of “Spit,” “War,” “Crazy Eights,” and more. They also like board games now that they are older, which is fun and educational!

    3. Support your grandchild. As your grandchildren grow, they need your support in everything they do. As they grow, there will be kindergarten graduations, soccer games, many sports events, music recitals, and so much more. Attend everything you can so the child feels your support and love. If you are not able to attend, ask for videos.

    4. Support the new parents. New parents have many questions. When they ask a question, give them the best answer you can. It’s best not to offer advice but to wait until it is requested. It will be received better.

    Offer to babysit so they can have a “date night” or go to a Bible study. If they don’t feel comfortable going out, bring them a gift card for dinner to be delivered and a rental movie so they can have time together. When the baby is older, they will become more comfortable leaving them with you for longer periods.

    5. If you have a few hours, stop by your new parents’ home and offer to watch the baby while Mom takes a nap or goes out for coffee with a friend. If you feel like you can, offer to babysit for short periods of time while Mom does errands. Most of the time, the new moms in our family opt for the nap!

    6. Continually rejoice with the new parents over the precious gift from God they have been given. Compliment their efforts to be good parents. Brag on your grandchild to the parents and congratulate them for doing such a good job.

    7. As the children get older, invite them to go out to supper with you or get ice cream. This will give parents a short break to regroup or get a chore done they have been wanting to accomplish.

    8. Always keep their favorite snacks on hand (or the ingredients to make them). Two of our granddaughters always came through our door, and the first words they spoke were, “Can I have a “gilled” cheese?” I have actually taken foil-wrapped grilled cheese sandwiches to swim meets and other sporting events!

    If You Don’t Live Close By

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    When grandchildren live across the country or the ocean, grandparents can find it challenging to grow their relationships. Thanks to technology, it’s easier than ever to get to know your grandchildren no matter where you live.

    9. If you have a computer, you probably have access to Zoom, which is a great way not only to hear their voices but to see them on the screen, and they can see you as well. They can tell you their news, and you can hear the growing maturity in their voices. Also, they can listen to you tell family stories of your family’s history and be proud of the family God has given them.

    10. When you call your grandchildren, you can also use Facetime on your phone or computer and have the same result as Zoom. Some families set up a weekly time to talk with their grandchildren. This is especially effective if your grandchildren are infants or toddlers.

    Nana and Pop Pop are the grandparents of four boys. They have a standing Sunday night dinner “date” with their grandchildren. They watch them eat and sometimes eat their dinner at the same time. This practice allows them to see what their grandchildren like to eat and to participate in dinner table conversation. Once they get to preschool, they have lots to tell you and show you but often have a limit to the amount of time they want to sit and chat! It is also important for the new grandchild to see your face, especially when you live far away. That way, when you are together, they immediately recognize you.

    11. These days, almost everyone has a computer. Computer games are plentiful; you can keep a running computer game with your grandchild, bringing you together and establishing a relationship. Plan an old-fashioned game of computer bingo. Grandpa can be the caller. Send everyone a bingo card by email. Offer prizes.

    12. While your grandchild is young, you can hold up flashcards of family, objects, and food items and cheer loudly when they get them right.            

    13. Have a fashion show. Let folks know in plenty of time what the theme will be. (Around elections, it can be patriotic, near a holiday, make that the theme, if it is someone’s birthday, dress in something they would like.)

    14. Send some things the old-fashioned way – in the mail. It is a real thrill for the grandchildren to go to the mailbox and find a package or letter with their name on it. Holidays are an especially good time to do this. Learn what their favorite snacks are and include a few of them.

    15. Set up a photo-sharing program with your family. Children can easily share pictures of the grandchildren

    Whether you live next door or thousands of miles away from your grandchildren, being a grandparent will quickly change your perspective on life. You will feel it is more fun to skip bridge club and babysit rather than the other way around. You’d rather go to the children’s museum with the grandchildren than out to lunch with your cronies. But most of all, you will see glimpses of our Heavenly Father every time you are with grandchildren. You may hear words from God, feel His presence through a hug or touch, or see the reflection of the Father’s love in a smile or big blue eyes.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Stock footage Soundstripe.com & Photo Canva.com

    Linda Gilden is an award-winning writer, speaker, editor, certified writing and speaking coach, and personality consultant. Her passion is helping others discover the joy of writing and learn to use their writing to make a difference. Linda recently released Articles, Articles, Articles! and is the author of over a thousand magazine articles and 19 books including the new Quick Guides for Personalities. She loves every opportunity to share her testimony, especially through her writing. Linda’s favorite activity (other than eating folded potato chips) is floating in a pool with a good book surrounded by splashing grandchildren—a great source of writing material!

    LISTEN: Let Our Bible Study Expert Help You Start the New Year Right!

    Have you ever chosen a word for the year? Whether you pick a word each year or never have before, I think this episode will help you order your life in the year to come. If you don’t know what your word is, today might be a great day for you to hear some of the things that we are promised in Christ that you in faith can claim for yourself for 2024. Keep in mind, each of these words requires faith.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 5 Verses on Strength for When You Feel Weak

    Video stock video and music probided by SoundStripe

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    Read the full article, 10 Things Grandchildren Need to Hear.

    Linda Gilden

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  • Love Is Easier on Paper

    Love Is Easier on Paper

    Our women’s group decided to pick a book on love for our Bible study, but what we thought would be very easy for us to breeze through turned out to be a challenge and required a lot of soul-searching. 

    We discussed love in action and our examples mostly centered on marriage and family relationships. Not one of us cringed at the thought of serving our families. We cleaned our homes, cooked meals, supervised the kids in their homework, and watched their games until we all became empty nesters. We talked about how we show patience towards our husbands and our children, how we give counsel, and constantly extend forgiveness and overlook hurt feelings. 

    All those things seemed to fall within the confines of how God shows His love for us. We know He takes pleasure in taking care of our needs. We know He warns and protects us from danger, even from our own foolishness, so we don’t get hurt. We know He graciously forgives our sins—and this part we like the most!

    But the nitty-gritty of love started to get harder with Jesus’ new command. He said, “Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples” (John 13:34-35). Before Jesus spoke of the new command, He just washed and dried their feet and talked about servanthood. Jesus, their Lord and Teacher, did not hesitate to do this lowly task. Even Peter was hesitant to have Jesus wash his feet. 

    Jesus also talked about a betrayer, someone sitting at their table. They were surprised but didn’t really understand how one of them could be spoken as such. They lived together and did everything together for the last three years. They were tied to the hip! How can Jesus speak of such a person? 

    Jesus never pointed a finger at Judas and gave him a scolding. Instead, He said to all of them, including Judas, that “this fulfills the Scripture that says, ‘The one who eats my food has turned against me’” (v. 18). He knew this was going to happen; yet He did not withhold the Word of God from and sharing meals with Judas. Even when Jesus saw Judas standing with the Roman soldiers and Temple guards to arrest Him, He didn’t say anything to Judas to guilt trip him. He continued to love him.

    Love Is an Example

    Love is easier on paper! But Jesus said to “prove to the world that [we] are [His] disciples” (John 13:35). First, we’re encouraged to reach out and welcome our brothers and sisters in Christ…quirks and all! The Apostle Paul said, “Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory” (Romans 15:7). Think of the “noisy, attention-seeking” member of your church. The woman who “loves to hear her voice” at gatherings. The “righteous one” who sits in the corner because there is dancing. Paul would not have addressed the loving acceptance of fellow believers and reminded us how Jesus accepted each one of us if this wasn’t an issue.

    Love Is a Refusal to Abuse and Manipulate

    Second, we must “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). What was happening among the Ephesian believers then is still happening today. Preceding that forgiveness reminder, Paul said, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (v. 31). How did we turn into emotional abusers and torturers? Where is the joy in lying about someone and desiring to destroy that person? How did we become so angry and bitter at someone, at life, that we cannot see the beauty in anything? And we all claim to love Jesus yet walk around as emotional and psychological manipulators!    

    Love Is a Reconciliation

    Third, we are told to reconcile with one another. We got stumped with this instruction again. How do we restore a relationship with someone who does not want it? What if it’s you who does not want to be in a relationship with someone again? It doesn’t matter what you want or what the other wants! Jesus said, “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment… Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:22-24). 

    Think of the number of times you exchanged heated words with your spouse or your child while you were preparing for church. You all got in the car, but everyone was avoiding looking into each other’s eyes, and some were seething with anger. The tension was so thick. Were you really prepared to worship and listen to the Word of God? 

    Fourth, we are to remember that we are one, a community, the fellowship of Christ. Paul reminded us that believers in Christ should put away falsehood and should be able to “speak the truth” with one another (Ephesians 4:25). He went on to say, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as first the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (v. 29). We sometimes say we have forgiven but won’t let go of the pain. In our still-desperate state of clinging to self-preservation, we continue to practice self-righteousness and restart the cycle of tearing up the person we claim to have forgiven. We lie again to protect ourselves. And in so doing, we say words that disrespect the other, hoping to lift our own honor. Remember that God knows and sees our hearts and He hears every word we say. He is our judge!

    Knowing that God pursues us with His everlasting love should encourage us to love others well. He has given us every single spiritual tool we need to make it happen, including sending His Son to teach and model love for us. Yes, everything is possible with Christ. 

    Yes, love is easier on paper… only if left to us.

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/john_jennings

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

    Luisa Collopy

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  • 3 Words Your Husband Needs to Hear

    3 Words Your Husband Needs to Hear

    “Gosh, you’re cute!”

    “You’re my man.”

    “Thanks for everything.”

    Girl, there are lots of things we can say that can really make our hubby’s hearts melt. I mean, what guy doesn’t want to hear how cute and amazing he is? Well, let me start by saying there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to saying words that will affirm your guy and make him slowly become putty in your hands, but there are three words that will not only encourage and support him as a man, husband, and father but will also help him keep going strong, allowing him to the man God is calling him to be! What wife doesn’t want that!? So, without further ado, let’s address those three words, shall we?

    “I Need You!”

    Yep, those are the words. Just going to go ahead and lay them out all up front. No need to scroll down to the bottom of this article in search of them. Here they are! The words your husband needs to hear right now – “I need you!”

    “So, what’s the big deal with these words?,” you may ask. They sound simple enough, right?

    Well, for starters, these three little words let your dear husband know that he is valuable and important while also proclaiming honor and respect. But, in all honesty, it goes deeper than that. It starts with a notion on your part. Take a moment to reflect on the beginning of your love story. Where it all began. Do you remember that “need” to see him? To feel his closeness or hear the sound of his voice? 

    Early on in our marriages (or even when we were dating), there was a sense of excitement that came with the newness of that blossoming relationship. There was also a desperate need to be together. You needed him. And he needed you. So, essentially, “needing each other” and wanting to do life together gave way to a proposal that was essentially sealed with a kiss. Aww, newlywed love is so precious, isn’t it?

    But, that tender and sweet love doesn’t have to end there! We have the opportunity to continue to grow our love for one another, and that begins with placing our spouse’s needs above our own, striving to outdo one another in service (Romans 12:10). Some of your sweet hubby’s basic needs include feeling respected and admired (Ephesians 5:22-23), coming home to a peaceful environment (Proverbs 19:13 and 21:9), feeling sexually desirable (Corinthians 7:1-7), and the sense of real companionship (Song of Solomen 8:1-2).

    The bottom line here is that when we say, “I need you,” it opens the door to meet so many of his needs and encourages him to be the husband and man you need him to be. Saying, “I need you to know I see all that you are doing for our family,” gives him the respect he desires. Saying, “I need you to come sit with me and tell me about your day,” allows him to feel that welcomed peace when he comes home from a long day at work. And simply just saying, “I need you,” with a passionate sparkle of “want” in your eye gives him the assurance that he is still desirable. 

    Your Husband Needs to Know He Is Needed

    Men and women may have different needs, but these needs were meant to complement one another, not something we hold over their heads or use as a means to compete with them for love. When we show and tell our husbands that we need them, and they do the same in return, something truly beautiful emerges – we begin to experience sacrificial love and God’s divine design for our marriages.

    That means we can foster and support our husband’s innate need to provide for and protect his loved ones because it is essentially a part of their DNA, given to them by the Creator. We see time and time again in The Word men leading and providing for their families. Yet, on the other hand, we also see how men failed to provide or lead well due to insecurities, cowering in fear, or many times due to the lack of support from their wives. Moses, Isaiah, and Abraham are just a few men who struggled in this area.

    The truth of the matter is that your husband essentially needs to know that you need his leadership, provision, and protection. Sure, we are capable of much and have the ability to do many great things. I believe we even have an inner strength that men do not naturally possess since we have the ability to tap into a wealth of emotions to survive and thrive.

    But, while the world would want to convince us (and our men) that we don’t need them and that we can run on “girl power” alone, God made each of us for so much more! God designed a woman to be a helper because He saw that man was no good on his own (Genesis 2:18). Being made from Adam’s rib (not any other part of his body), we were designed to be joined by his side, to be his faithful companion. 

    God made man in such a way that he yearns to protect, provide, and care for his closest and most valuable companion. We were made in a way to long to be provided and cared for. When this need isn’t met (for either side), a marriage can truly suffer. So, tell your husband you need him. You need his leadership, his protection, and his provision. Then support him in those efforts, as this shows admiration, respect, and trust, giving him that sense of companionship he so deeply craves from you.

    Our Delivery Matters

    “I need you…to take out the trash.” 

    “I need you… to help with dinner.” 

    “I need you… to stop yelling at the kids.” 

    “I need you… to lighten up.” 

    “I need you…”

    You get the picture. It’s so easy to pick out the things our man didn’t do or call out the things we find annoying or even hurtful, causing us to quickly spew out emotional words that come across as nagging or casting blame. Ugh. Let’s just say your man will most likely become more defensive than the linebacker on his favorite football team. 

    We will all mess up from time to time and say words we regret or may even have a few scars on our tongues to keep from saying those wretched things we so badly want to say.  So, the next time you want to say, “I need you” in a not-so-friendly way, pause and seek to understand the nature of your heart. Take a step back if you need to cool down and then try another approach because the delivery of our words can either prompt our man to react in love or cause them to land on deaf ears.

    One of my favorite movies is The Princess Bride. If you are familiar with this somewhat cheesy 80’s rom-com, then you are well aware of the demands and orders Princess Buttercup gives to the farm boy, Westley. From polishing her horse’s saddle to filling jugs with water, she does this with a piercing gaze into his soul all while adding a tender “please” at the end of her command, prompting his swoon-worthy response to be, “As you wish.” 

    Why does he respond this way? Because he feels like she truly needs him, and him only, to provide and care for her. Could you imagine if we asked our husbands for things that we needed in the same way? Picture it now, you gaze into your husband’s eyes and sweetly say, “Darling, I need you to be that handsome man of mine and create a fire to keep us all warm.” His response may not exactly be “As you wish,” but I’m pretty sure it will get his attention. Ha!

    Sis, your delivery matters. What you say is, in fact, important, but even more important is the way you choose to say it.

    A Prayer for Your Marriage

    Gracious God, I lift up our marriages to You. Please give us the ability to see and meet the needs of our husbands and use our words wisely. Give us the means to encourage our husbands and help us complement one another. We love that you gave us the beautiful gift of marriage, so please help us to take care of it. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Drazen Zigic

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    Related Podcast Resource: 5 Ways to C.O.V.E.R. Your Marriage in Prayer

    One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. Learning communication skills, conflict resolution techniques and intimacy hacks are great. However, if you’re leaving your marriage uncovered by failing to pray for your spouse and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable to attacks. Prayer is an essential guiding tool to get you and your spouse on the same page and create unity in your marriage. In this episode of Real Relationship Talk, Dana Che shares her acronym C.O.V.E.R., which teaches you how to specifically pray for your marriage. To listen, just click the play button below:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

    Click here to read the full article.

    Alicia Searl

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  • 5 Lies Women Believe about Their Roles in Marriage

    5 Lies Women Believe about Their Roles in Marriage

    Within marriage, many women believe lies about their role. Some women believe their role is not as superior to their husband’s role as well as some women believe in an incorrect view of submission.

    The word “submission” can raise tension in most rooms; however, from a biblical perspective and a biblical approach, this word should not cause tension to rise.

    Instead, God created a marriage between a man and a woman unique. Each has its own roles, but they do not compete — they complement.

    It is important to reflect on these truths rather than rejecting them. Women do not need to believe lies about their role in marriage. Moreover, women do not need to believe any lie the world tries to tell us.

    The world tends to target women to make them feel inferior, which is a tactic of the devil. Women are not inferior in any form or any fashion. The Bible tells us we are all equal, both men and women (Galatians 3:28).

    1. Women Are Inferior

    One lie that women believe about their role in marriage is that they are inferior. Due to the patriarchy, many women are taught from a young age that they are inferior, and this goes into adulthood, which goes into marriage.

    Sadly, many churches teach this incorrect view and treat men as superior. Nowhere in the Bible does God say men are superior to women. Both men and women are equal, and both are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27).

    Women are not inferior. While the world has come a long way, there is still a long way to go, especially among Christian communities. Women should not be treated as “lesser than” or the “weaker partner.”

    In truth, women are equal to men, and they are not weaker. Women are responsible for carrying babies as well as delivering them. This takes much strength, endurance, and perseverance. Nobody should view women as inferior because it is not true, and it is not biblical.

    Jesus loves women, and during His earthly ministry, He went out to them. He did not treat them as inferior, nor did He ignore them. 

    Christian communities today need to take special note of this. They are not acting in accordance with the Bible when they treat women as inferior. In the same way, husbands do not need to treat their wives as inferior because they are equal to them.

    2. Submit to Everything

    A second lie women believe about their role in marriage is that they have to submit to everything. This is not true, as women do not need to submit to everything their husbands say. They are only required to obey if it is in accordance with the Bible.

    If your husband tells you to do something that goes against the Bible, you are not obligated to do it. If your husband is ever verbally, mentally, physically, or sexually abusive to you, know you can leave him and file for divorce.

    God does not call you to stay in a marriage where you are being abused. Sadly, many men used the aspect of submission to be abusive toward their wives. This happens a lot within Christian communities, and it is something that needs to be spoken about more.

    Women do not need to submit to individuals who are hurting them, and husbands shouldn’t be abusing their wives in the first place. Rather, there needs to be mutual love, respect, and compassion between a husband and a wife.

    If you ever feel unsafe in your marriage, you need to reach out to someone. Reach out to a friend, a parent, or a therapist. Any of these people will be able to help you and provide you with the safety you need.

    Don’t think you have to stay in every and any situation. Instead, know when it is time to step out and understand what God actually says concerning marriage. Never does God tell a woman to stay with a man who is abusive, possessive, and misusing Bible verses against her.

    3. Endure Anything

    A third lie women believe about their role in marriage is that they are to endure anything. Similar to submitting to everything, women are not expected to endure anything from their husbands.

    Even though you married this man, it does not mean you are bound to stay with him no matter what. You are not to endure insults, threats, or physical abuse. God does not endorse this kind of relationship. Rather, He condemns it.

    A husband is supposed to love his wife and care for her as his own body (Ephesians 5:28). As one can see, there is no room for abuse or for a woman to endure every hurtful word thrown at her.

    Marriage is supposed to be a beautiful thing to reflect Christ and the church to the world. This is not being done if a husband makes his wife endure his terrors.

    Sadly, many men can become possessive over their wives, and their wives can become figuratively and literally a punching bag for them. Don’t allow yourself to remain in this situation. You need to get out, notify the police, and stay with trusted friends or family.

    4. Not As Important

    The fourth lie women believe about their role in marriage is that they are not as important as their husbands. This could not be further from the truth, as women are equally as important as men.

    Nowhere in the Bible do we see God saying husbands are more important than their wives. Rather, we see that their roles complement each other.

    Only when these roles are being fulfilled do we see a reflection of Jesus and the church. We see this through the love a husband has for his wife and how he protects, loves, and cares for her.

    As the woman in the relationship, you need to know that you are just as important as your husband. Both you and your husband are responsible for showing Christ to the lost world.

    You have to work as a team and build each other up. This cannot be done if you believe you are not as important as your husband. Your husband is important, but he is not more important than you. Both you and your husband are equally important and equally loved by God.

    5. Your Purpose in Life

    A fifth lie women believe about their roles in marriage is their purpose in life. Many women believe their role within marriage is to just be a wife and to have children.

    The old saying, “pregnant and barefoot,” didn’t come from nowhere, as many women think this is their entire life sentence.

    If you are married, know that your entire life is not found in your husband, your marriage, or your children. Your entire life and your eternity if found in Christ. Don’t lose your purpose in church rules or in legalistic teachings.

    A woman’s purpose in life is not to get married and have children. Rather, her purpose is to serve Christ and help others come to know Him (Matthew 28:18-20).

    Women are equally responsible for taking part in the Great Commission. While there is nothing wrong with getting married and having children, it is not a woman’s sole purpose in life. Rather, it is just an aspect of it for some women.

    For further reading:

    5 Lies Women Believe about Their Place in the Family

    5 Lies Women Believe about Their Roles in the Church

    What Is the Biblical Definition of Marriage?

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    Related Podcast Resource: 5 Ways to C.O.V.E.R. Your Marriage in Prayer

    One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. Learning communication skills, conflict resolution techniques and intimacy hacks are great. However, if you’re leaving your marriage uncovered by failing to pray for your spouse and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable to attacks. Prayer is an essential guiding tool to get you and your spouse on the same page and create unity in your marriage. In this episode of Real Relationship Talk, Dana Che shares her acronym C.O.V.E.R., which teaches you how to specifically pray for your marriage. To listen, just click the play button below:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • 4 Ways to Have Less Conflict When Co-Parenting with Grandparents

    4 Ways to Have Less Conflict When Co-Parenting with Grandparents

    When my daughter was first born, we were faced with the dilemma of one parent resigning their career position, hiring day care, or looking into an alternative.

    The first option wasn’t really an option. Let’s face it, regardless of whether you wish to have a stay-at-home parent or not, the economy doesn’t always support that. With that income a necessity, we investigated daycare… which pretty much equaled 2/3 of one of our income. So that also became a non-viable option.

    Enter the grandparents. I’ve heard in other cultures, raising children is a family affair. For real.

    A full on, all hands-on deck, let’s do this! I wasn’t certain how well it would work. My mom was offering— “free”—to watch my daughter four days a week. That meant, for at least thirty-two hours a week, my mom would be raising my daughter.

    It’s a little harder to fire Nanny if things don’t work out, so we decided if co-parenting was going to be our future, some ground rules needed to be established.

    Here are four that we found were critical and saved family tensions and turmoil:

    1. Set a Schedule

    It may seem over-zealous, but I wrote a daily schedule for my mom to follow. Not so much a what to play and when to play, but a schedule that made sure I could relax at work knowing the important things would be followed.

    When my daughter was a baby, we had a feeding schedule and a nap schedule. When my daughter grew into a toddler, there was still her nap schedule, some educational time, and a weekly meet-mom-for-lunch appointment. It was easy to adapt to, my own mom knew exactly what my expectations were, and there was little conflict when I returned home to a well-balanced child (and clean laundry-bonus!)

    2. Set Disciplinary Guidelines

    Everyone disciplines differently. Spare the rod, spoil the child, is one philosophy. Allow the child freedom of choice and expression is the opposite.

    But usually, parent’s land somewhere in the middle and if it’s not outlined, Grandma (or Grandpa) can go way out of bounds of your comfort zone. With my daughter, we advised my mom what we were comfortable with her enforcing.

    Our personal jobs made it possible that if my strong-willed daughter got remarkably stubborn and willful, Nanny could pick up the phone and announce that she was calling in reinforcements. Namely, a parent. That alone was typically enough to ensure compliance, and as my daughter grew, she also learned it ensured a consequence when Mommy or Daddy got home too.

    The nice part was, I didn’t have to confront my own mother for being too harsh or too soft. For being too stringent on rules or spoiling my daughter and making her entitled. My mom knew the rules. We set them and agreed on them prior to it becoming an issue.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    3. Identify the Authority

    This one can be tricky, but it is critical to co-parenting with grandparents. The ultimate authority over the child must be determined before the co-parenting begins.

    This means, identifying both verbally and even in writing, that the grandparents are influencers, caretakers, and nurturers, but the parents make the final decisions in the upbringing of the child.

    Can the grandparents provide input and opinion? That also should be determined prior and weighed based on your relationship. My parents were invited to share their input and opinion, but we, in return, expected they would then leave the situation to be handled by us and would not challenge our decision should it contradict their input.

    Without this understanding, it becomes an all-out free-for-all and in return, the child is left with developmental whiplash as each caregiver has variances to their boundaries, their way of child-rearing, and even their spiritual walk.

    4. Outline Any Specifics

    My parents have far more conservative views on television and music than do I. So, at times, it has been a sticky-point, especially as my kids are older and their viewing ranges from Power Rangers to My Little Ponies. Notice how you reacted to those titles.

    Some of you probably thought “what’s wrong with them?” and others perhaps inhaled a breath of “oh heaven, turn off that TV!” Because we had established very clearly the authority, as seen in point number 3, this then became easier.

    While my parents voiced concern over a few TV shows my kids are free to watch, we’ve acknowledged it, but also indicated we don’t agree. Because we, the parents, are the authority, my parents then support that decision. I’m sure it’s caused them some personal angst, but our relationship has been intact sans arguing and the kids aren’t sandwiched between a power struggle.

    So, in the areas you can foresee being an issue, outline the specifics of what is and what is not allowed. In the area of their other grandma, my kids could pretty much sit down with a bag of sugar and spoon and she would be happy to oblige because she loves them. This is not okay with me.

    So, we struck an agreement. Two sweets and no more unless special permission is obtained. Clear boundaries. Clear conscience. Clear relationships.

    The Influence of Grandparents is Invaluable

    It’s proven that having grandparents involved in the upbringing of children is of great worth.

    Studies show that grandparents who are closely involved with their grandchildren help against depression, mental digression, and even physical strengthening in the grandparent. On the flip side of this, children with loving and nurturing grandparental influences have stronger emotional stability, tend to be more grounded, and enjoy the comfort of warmth and security.

    A grandparent’s influence is notably different than that of the child’s parent and the relationships reflect this. My kids are so attached to their grandparents that my son sleeps with one of his Nanny’s shirts and a stuffed animal Gramma gave him. My daughter video messages Nanny every day they’re not together and confides in Nanny all the things that are sometimes scary to confide in me.

    I’m okay with that. Especially because we’ve outlined our relationship and our boundaries. Now, my parents and my husband’s parents can freely invest in our children, and the wealth of my children’s lives because of it has been epic.

    Even if I frequently get a call for an extra sweet treat at Gramma’s (and I frequently cave), and even if my kids have introduced my parents to several shows they would have never watched before and now thoroughly enjoy.

    Family enriches lives. It impacts a child’s upbringing, builds a foundation of security and strength.

    If you’re so blessed, it also teaches them a spiritual perspective from all angles that infuses into the child’s life and makes following the Lord not just a personal decision, but a way of life. As parents, it is important—and I would argue, even critical—that we don’t discount the influence of our parents on our children.

    Family tensions and conflicts, even dysfunction, are real and problematic elements to this wonderful equation. However, if boundaries and expectations can be set clearly and agreed upon mutually, it can help assuage some of the road bumps along the way.

    There is nothing so beautiful as comforting a child at bedtime when they cry for Nanny who they just saw a few hours before and simply miss in their sweet innocence. And, there’s nothing so awesome as to hear your daughter exclaim she wants to be a mechanic like Grampa when she grows up, or have your son learn chess from Poppy when he’s five years old. Grandparents can teach our children so much that we cannot.

    Prayerfully consider including them in the raising of your children.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Tom-Merton

    Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.

    LISTEN: Let Our Bible Study Expert Help You Start the New Year Right!

    Have you ever chosen a word for the year? Whether you pick a word each year or never have before, I think this episode will help you order your life in the year to come. If you don’t know what your word is, today might be a great day for you to hear some of the things that we are promised in Christ that you in faith can claim for yourself for 2024. Keep in mind, each of these words requires faith.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • How to Find Healing After a Friendship Breakup

    How to Find Healing After a Friendship Breakup

    Breakups of any kind are rarely without heartache of some kind. When someone has journeyed through a season or multiple seasons of life, and then you are left to face a future without them, it can feel jarring and a bit burdensome. When a breakup occurs with a friend, especially a best friend, it can be hard to know how to move on, adjust, and do life without someone you once called your dearest friend. Breakups of this sort are not easy, but there is hope for a future ahead, even one that feels so unknown.

    An Unexpected Split

    When it comes to a romantic relationship, there is almost a fail-safe within that guards one’s heart that there is potential for the relationship to end. In a platonic relationship, that protective barrier is rarely placed upon one’s heart because there is no thought or expectation that the friendship should end. Romantic partners will come and go, but you never expect a friend to depart from your life, so when an unexpected split does occur, it can feel worse than a romantic split. In the Bible, we see a friendship that experienced a bond different than one would have with a romantic partner; one that was rooted and tied by souls. 1 Samuel 18:1 shares, “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” David and Jonathan experienced a rich friendship bond by oath and commitment; many of us would resonate with such a relationship. When a relationship like that is broken or severed, it can feel earth-shattering in terms of how to move on or continue in a new normal.

    The New Normal

    Much like habits, people become part of our routine. Perhaps the friendship you lost was one where you called them every night as you prepared dinner, or you would share every little detail of your life with them. When that friendship is no longer there, and that daily practice of communing with them is no longer present, it can feel as if your life has been ripped away. You must cultivate a new normal, one without that person that was once a core facet of your existence. Fostering a new normal will take you out of your comfort zone, but it is a good place to entwine with God and learn how He would desire your days to run. It may feel like a replacement at first, but in time, you will find that this new normal can be one you enjoy just as much, if not more, because it is designed by God and you. Setting in the place of what once was a good and healthy practice will not melt away your memories of the past, but it will help you move forward into the new now. A new normal is rarely what we desire, but it does not have to be something you will not one day come to enjoy.

    Taking Time to Heal

    Much of the journey onward after a split with a close companion requires space and time devoted to healing. This healing may come through counseling with a trained therapist, and there is nothing wrong with seeking mental health assistance during a difficult time. Having a third party offer input may allow you to see your role in the split, the unhealthy or toxic aspects of the former relationship, or other details that provide understanding and perspective for how things resulted in how they did. Healing also deeply thirsts for time spent with God. Only in and through that time with God can we experience true healing on a soul level. God may reveal to you during this time things previously unknown to you or offer comfort in what lies ahead. The friendship that no longer exists is much like a death, and taking time for mourning can benefit you in the way of not holding on to the pain that the death bore.

    RELATED PODCAST:

    Forgiveness

    Forgiveness is another key aspect when it comes to healing and moving on. It has been said that it “takes two to tango,” and in the process of moving into a life without a person who was once so dear, you will find that you play back in your mind conversations, experiences, and parts of the friendship. You may find that you must forgive yourself for your own actions that played a role in the decline of the friendship and forgiveness towards the other person for how they hurt you. Remember the wisdom given in Ephesians 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Invite God into this process and allow Him to work within you to truly forgive all those who were involved.

    Releasing Them to God

    Ultimately, you will need to release the person to God in order to progress into what life holds for you next. Some friends serve a purpose to be in your life for a season, and some for the duration of your life. Though we may not always understand why, we must trust that God had a purpose, plan, and precise timing for that person in our life. If they do not come with you into the next chapter of your life, it could be for a reason far above our understanding, and in that case, we must trust that God knows what is best in His perfect timing. Work through the anger, the hurt, and the feelings that have ensued since the split of the relationship, and then take your hands off the situation and leave them at His feet. You may not know until Heaven why things unfolded as they did, but continuously pray to be aligned in heart and mind with Him and let Him have the pen in writing your story, including the characters in every season. Remember, above all else, we have an intercessor, a friend, and a true confidant who will never leave us in the Lord.

    Friendship That Doesn’t End with God

    Humans will fail you, but God does not. John 14:26 shares the truth that God does not leave us, “But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.” Some translations call the Holy Spirit a helper or a friend, and we are never left without Him. This is why it is vital not to form our deepest relationships with human beings but with God. He is the only One who will never leave, forsake, or abandon you, and He is for all seasons of life here on earth and in Heaven. God graciously gives us companions on this side of Heaven to walk through life with, but some of those relationships are not meant to last a lifetime. Rely on His wisdom and what He sees behind closed doors, and trust the people He brings in and out of your life. Remember that you are never truly alone, and although the loss of a friend can sting bitterly, that pain will not last forever.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Paolo Cordoni

    Cally Logan is an author and US History teacher from Richmond, Virginia. In her free time, she enjoys mentoring youth and spending time in nature. She is the author of Hang on in There, Girl! and Dear Future Husband: A Love Letter Journey While Waiting for God’s Best. Check her out on Instagram and Twitter, @CallyLogan and TikTok Cally_Logan. 

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • Winter Date Ideas for Couples

    Winter Date Ideas for Couples

    The excitement and magic of the holiday hustle and bustle is over and now we are in the dreary, gray days of winter. There is not much going on in January and February, which can be refreshing. This is a great time to up the date nights and keep the flame alive in your relationship. Maybe you didn’t stay as connected as you wanted to over the holidays. It’s okay. Sometimes life pulls us in directions that we can’t help. Now is a great time to up the date nights and spend more time together. 

    Get Outside

    1. Ice Skating

    Bundle up and lace up the skates at your local ice skating rink. Don’t know how? Take lessons together or teach each other to make it fun.

    2.  Go sledding

    Find the biggest hill in your area and go sledding. 

    3. Play with your pet in the snow

    Take your dog out and play with them in the snow. Everyone will get some exercise and they will bond with you even more during playtime.

    4. Have a snowball fight

    Go outside and have a snowball fight, then come in and warm up with a mug of cocoa or coffee. You could also make a crockpot of soup and get the fixings for sandwiches to eat as well.

    5. Stargazing

    Either take a walk outside or sit on the porch and gaze up at the stars. Enjoy the sparkling sky and the peace of a winter’s night.

    Stay Indoors

    6. Game night

    Choose what kind of game you want to play (cards, board, video) and have a fun and competitive game night. Don’t forget the prizes!

    7. Have a “no tech” night

    Turn off the phones, don’t watch television or play video games, and focus on each other for an evening.

    8. Have an indoor picnic

    Set up an indoor picnic on the living room floor with wine (or sparkling cider if you don’t drink) and wine glasses. Add some soft music and flowers for a romantic mood. 

    9. Bake together

    Nothing makes a house smell like home more than warm baked goods. This is one of my favorite things to do in the wintertime. Pick out some cookies, brownies, bars, or another dessert you would like to bake together. To make it more fun, decorate cookies or try your hand at decorating and writing on a two-tier layer cake. 

    10. Have a candlelit dinner at home

    Make something delicious, dress up, or put on your pajamas, and have a cozy, romantic candlelit dinner at home. Add a yummy dessert and some soft music to dance to for a great romantic evening.

    11. Write a bucket list together

    Sit down and write a bucket list together of things you want to do and places you want to go. Then pick three things and make plans to make them happen. When you accomplish those, move on to the next three, and so on. This will help you have things to look forward to together and make sure you take the steps to accomplish what you want.

    Be Active

    12. Go bowling

    Hit the local bowling alley and roll some strikes.

    13. Go roller skating

    If you can find a roller skating rink in your area, go take a lap. This is a nostalgic memory for many people, so talk with your partner about your favorite memories at the rink when you were a child or a teenager.

    14. Go dancing

    Go out dancing or take dancing lessons together. If neither of you can dance, decide on what dance you would like to learn and sign up to take lessons. If you know how then go out and tear up the floor! This is a great way to have fun, get some exercise, and burn some calories.

    15. Take a class together

    If you and your significant other have similar interests, take a class together. In case you don’t, each of you can select one of your interests and enroll in a class together. This will help you learn more about your significant other and their interests.

    Relax

    16. Visit the spa

    Have a relaxing day at the spa. This can get costly, so look for coupons online or special deals on their website. 

    17. Hot cocoa on the porch

    The next time you get snow, bundle up with cups of hot cocoa, sit on the porch, and enjoy watching the flakes fall.

    18. Get away for the weekend

    Find a cozy bed-and-breakfast or swanky hotel and go away for the weekend. This is the perfect time to reflect, recharge, and refocus on each other.

    Check Out the Local Spots

    19. Look on Facebook for fun community events

    Hop on Facebook and look for local community events that are coming up. This could be a gold mine in finding events you would not know about otherwise.

    20. Go to an Expo

    Look around your local area and see if there are any expos going on. Expos can be about all kinds of things, from home improvement to exotic pets to guns and ammo. 

    21. Go to a concert

    Winter is a great time to go to a concert. It’s something to do indoors that is a lot of fun. If you’re into Christian music, Winter Jam is a great option and very reasonable price-wise to attend.

    22. Browse a bookstore

    Do both of you love to read? Go to a bookstore, either a chain or independent, and get lost in paper and ink. Even better, grab a cup of coffee from the cafe if they have one.

    23. Visit the cat cafe

    Love animals? Check out a cat cafe. We have one in our town and I love going there. You pay a fee and get to hang out with 18-20 cats. The cost of admission covers the cost of taking care of the cats (food, litter, supplies) and running the cafe. All the cats are adoptable and come from local rescues. Have a serious discussion about pet ownership before you go because I guarantee you will fall in love with one of those sweet, furry faces. 

    24. Go out for dessert

    Instead of going out for a meal, make something delicious at home and then go out for a luscious dessert. To make it more fun, choose a kind of dessert by season. Winter? Go out for a warm dessert like a warm chocolate chip cookie with ice cream or a piece of warm apple pie with ice cream. (Summer? Go out for a cold dessert like a milkshake with lots of toppings or to an ice cream shop with lots of unique flavors. Fall? Go out for a fall-flavored dessert like caramel apple cake, pumpkin pie, or gingerbread.) 

    25. Go to a local show

    See what shows your local community theater is putting on. You don’t have to shell out massive bucks for superb entertainment.

    26. Pretend to be tourists

    Do you realize that most people who live in large cities for a long time never get around to going to tourist attractions? Make a list of tourist attractions in your area and go check them out. You may find your new favorite museum, shop, coffee shop, or restaurant.

    27. Visit a local museum

    Visit a local museum that you’ve never been to.

    28. Go to an art gallery

    Love art? Go to a local art gallery or see if your local community college has any art on display that you can go see. When I was in college, there were several artists who came to speak and set up their work for others to enjoy.

    29. Revisit the place where the two of you met. 

    If it’s workable, go to the place where you first met and reminisce. Talk about the first time you saw each other, your first date, your engagement (if applicable), and your wedding day (if applicable). Talk about how your life is different now than it was when you met and all the special moments in between. 

    Winter can be cold and dreary, but these winter date night ideas should spark ideas for your next date night.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/simonkr

    Carrie Lowrance

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