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  • Biblical Marriage Is Under Attack: How Should Christians Respond?

    Biblical Marriage Is Under Attack: How Should Christians Respond?

    The other day, I was met with the most shocking, upsetting, and unexpected news that flooded my heart with disbelief and utter sadness. Another couple we had grown to love, do life with, and thought we knew on an intimate level were calling it quits. What? How?

    Oh, friend, it isn’t hard to see that the beautiful gift of marriage is under strong attack. Unfortunately, the sacred union that God created to be held between His beloved son and beloved daughter has been the prime target for Satan since the beginning. Shortly after Adam and Eve were created, they became the “apple of the evil one’s eye,” all in an effort to destroy God’s most prized possession and perfect creation. Sadly, he has been on the warpath ever since, wreaking havoc, and placing a wedge between what is meant to be the most sacred of human relationships.

    What is happening here and how can we respond, help, and possibly de-escalate this mass corrosion that seems to be currently taking place at warp speed? When we don’t have the answers, we must dig into His Word. Then seek His wisdom on how to respond, especially as a couple. Friend, if you are married, build in some time this week to discuss your heart and open up about some tough topics, because your marriage depends on it. 

    The Cultural War on Marriage

    Let’s start with a question. Turn to your hubby one night this week and ask him how Jesus is moving in his life. While he may give you an awkward side grin or even wonder why you are asking, there is a very valid point to all this. Sis, we need to check in on our husbands and the nature of their hearts, letting them know we deeply care about their faith journey. Asking this question periodically opens up dialogue on how we can share and show our appreciation for all the things they do, while also finding ways to pray for them. 

    Here’s the thing: We are in a full-blown war here. Really! It is that serious. Marriages that are striving to live by God’s design are under attack, big time. Maybe you have personally felt the heat from it. Now, I am not meaning to stoke any fear or cause you to go into panic mode; I am simply inviting you to connect more deeply with your husband than you ever have before and lean in closely to Jesus as you form a tightly woven chord of three (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

    The truth is that our current culture is bending into norms that are all too familiar with Sodom and Gomorrah. Sadly, Jesus tells us that the end-time events would parallel their destructive ways, and those who reject Jesus will eventually endure suffering like never before (Matthew 10:15). 

    Technology is currently developing at a rate faster than we can keep up with, allowing for more and more inappropriate content and images to be laid before our eyes. We must guard our hearts and temper our minds. The issue has become so concerning as it has proven to sway the eyes of many, bringing on hidden and secretive temptations.

    Not only that, but the uprise of same-sex marriages and a growing community of distorted views have now bent our society towards even more sinful and lustful ways. Sadly, many Christians are falling into the trap of embracing equity as a means to declare that Jesus loves all, yet they are failing to see that these views are far from God’s design for us, placing us all in very dangerous territory. The image of a biblical marriage is now often seen as a soft spot for ridicule and the ones to blame for not accepting all kinds of love.

    This is why we must communicate with our husbands and share how Jesus is moving in our lives to hold each other accountable, clinging to Jesus in these brutal times. We must talk about how God sees marriage and cling to that Truth. While we are called to love all, we must stand firm on our faith and for what is true, noble, right, and just in God’s eyes. Read the verses below with your husband, discuss the meaning, and let them be the truth on which you stand:

    “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4

    “As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” Isaiah 62:5

    “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” 1 Peter 3:7

    “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:22-28

    Satan’s Plan to Destroy Marriage

    Satan’s attack on marriage is simple. Make sin look normal and make God’s design for marriage seem outdated, too restrictive, or strange. The truth is, Satan’s strategy hasn’t changed much. Just as he tempted Eve in the garden and made that apple look utterly delicious, proving that it would open her world up to a wealth of knowledge, he does the same to us in this very day and age. 

    That being said, why would he attack or waste his time on marriages that are already fallen away or broken? He doesn’t. Instead, he fully attacks the union (or spouse) that loves God. The ones that are trying to do the right things, the couples that may be hanging on but want to honor God, or the man and woman who are living a devoted life to one another, on a mission to spread God’s love – those are his targets. Basically, anything that God deems as good and brings together will be exactly where Satan strives to divide, separate, and infest with evil. He uses distraction, temptation, and all those “little things” that add up to put us at odds with one another. Which is why we must be aware of his malicious ways, call them out, and lean into God’s Word for safe refuge and protection.

    According to Google, lack of commitment is the leading cause for many marriages to fail, followed closely by arguing, infidelity, and getting married too young. The average marriage in America tends to last 8 years, and January is supposedly being dubbed the “divorce month.” Just the sound of all that sounds heartbreaking. So, what do we do?  

    Find the potential threats to your own marriage and put up a barricade to the walls of your heart from the evil one’s invasion. Talk with your husband about his inner struggles and share your own. Be as candid as possible and take time to truly listen to one another so you work as a team to fight for your marriage.

    How Should We Respond?

    Here are two questions that you and your spouse may want to answer and decide as a couple how to respond. Then dig into God’s Word and invite God into your discussion as you seek His will and way, together.

    1. As believers, how should we respond to the cultural view on marriage?

    2. How do we respond when our friends, family, or our own marriage is the current target of the deceiver and under brutal attack?

    Read John 15:19, John 17:14-16, and 1 John 2:15. Currently, the world loves and seeks after selfishness and lustful desires rather than honoring and pleasing God. Since we are told not to conform to those ways, when we stand for Jesus and His way, we must realize that we could potentially be hated for it. In other words, we should expect others (especially non-believers) to feel uncomfortable around us, as it flips the script on how they want to live. But, on the same token, it opens up a prime opportunity to listen and show compassion for the lost. As we interact with others and come across those who place value in the current cultural view on marriage, we can respond in love, as Jesus commands us to, but also show by the fruits and actions of our own marriage what a beautiful gift God gives us in the sacred union. 

    When we see those trails affect our family and friends or our own marriage, we must tread lightly but also react quickly, seeking God’s wisdom and guidance in every step. Reflect on Ephesians 5:22-28. It calls both a husband and wife to fully submit to Christ. Wives submitting to their husband’s role as head of the family in order to lead and protect, while husbands are called to honor their wives as Christ loves the Church, cherishing and adoring her, only having eyes for her. Lean on this verse and refer to it often when attacks arise. Be sure to surround yourself with fellow believers and a community that can form an alliance. That way, when attacks come, you can pray for one another and fight the enemy together.

    Communicate and Stay Committed

    Here are a few topics/questions to openly discuss with your spouse. Carve out time to address these this week, and pray for God to lead and direct your marriage to do His will:

    -Where do you see us in two, five, ten years?

    -How can I encourage you to be a better man/woman?

    -What do you need most from me in this season of our marriage?

    -Talk about one of your favorite memories you shared together.

    -Do I speak your love language, and if not, how can I do better?

    -What are the challenges we face in our marriage, and what can we do to work through them together?

    -How can we serve God together and love others better?

    -What are some boundaries we need to put into place to better protect our marriage?

    As you open up and share your heart with one another, take time to actively listen, then take it a step further and do your best to work towards the marriage you both want, and more importantly, the beautiful union God wants for you two. May God richly bless your union and protect you both as you fight for your marriage. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Vasil Dimitrov

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    Alicia Searl

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  • 3 Things You Should Be Doing with Your Spouse That You Probably Aren’t

    3 Things You Should Be Doing with Your Spouse That You Probably Aren’t

    My wife and I have known each other for more than 25 years, and we’ve been married for more than 11 of those. While we know each other pretty well, our marriage is still a work in progress. Neither of us are marriage experts. I consider myself more of a marriage student, trying to see where I’m screwing up and what I need to do on my end to make it work better. 

    Just like your growth as a Christian, marriage is a process. If we are doing it right, we are continuing to be pruned and shaped into the husband or wife we are meant to be. Just as a plant becomes fuller when pruned, our marriages–and lives–become fuller when we strip those things that take away from our relationship and focus on the things that add to it.

    There are a few things that come to mind that are “must-haves” for any successful marriage. These are things that many of us don’t do well. It’s not because we lack the know-how or time, it’s that we simply lack the focus on being intentional in our marriages. Despite realizing these traits of a successful marriage, I still find myself falling down in many of these areas. Just like the apostle Paul, in my marriage, “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” (Romans 7:15). That being said, the first step to improving is identifying pitfalls and potential problem areas.

    1. Communicating 

    Any successful relationship is built around communication. Unity, just as Paul writes to the Ephesians, involves “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). If something is bothering you in your marriage, don’t share it with your best friend without talking to your spouse about it directly. It may be difficult to discuss, but trust in true love. After all, “love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). 

    Don’t forget the importance of listening. You’ve heard it said that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. If your spouse comes to you with a problem, be quick to listen and slow to speak. “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13).

    2. Speaking Her Language

    There’s another aspect of communicating that is essential–speaking your spouse’s love language. Maybe you haven’t read Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” or taken the steps to figure out the love languages for yourself or your spouse. (If you haven’t, I’d highly recommend you do. It’s eye-opening.) Regardless, we can all agree that we need to understand what makes our spouse tick and then act accordingly. We need to make the extra effort to do things in our marriages that make our spouses feel loved. 

    I fall into the bad habit of trying to show love to my wife in the way that I’m most comfortable. For instance, I feel loved when someone does something–an act of service-for me or spends quality time with me. As a result, I find myself trying to express love in the same way. I try to do things for my wife to show her I love her. That’s fine and good, but she doesn’t receive love that way. She feels loved most when she is hugged or if I reach out to hold her hand. Speaking your spouse’s language puts you on the path to a closer relationship.

    3. Praying 

    According to FamilyLife, which has surveyed thousands of participants at its Weekend to Remember marriage retreats, less than 8 percent of couples pray together on a regular basis. Even fewer Christian couples (about 5 percent) pray together daily. And these are Jesus-loving people who care enough about their marriages to attend a retreat. What would a survey look like among a wider audience? Sadly, it’s likely the same or worse. Most of us don’t take the time to pray together with our spouses.

    My wife and I recently took FamilyLife’s 30-Day Oneness Prayer Challenge. The concept is simple. Pray with your husband or wife–out loud–every day for a month. When we were introduced to it, we had sadly only prayed together a couple of times in our decade-plus of marriage. At the end of the 30 days, prayer became a normal part of our marriage. I felt closer to my wife, and she felt closer to me. They say it takes 21 days for a habit to form, but only a couple days to undo it. You have to stay on top of it. Just like those gym memberships and New Year’s resolutions, it’s easy to let the commitment fade. Since taking the challenge, we haven’t always prayed daily, but we have prayed together more often. And that’s a small step to growing closer to God and to each other.

    In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, she shares that 53 percent of “Very Happy Couples” agree with the statement, “God is at the center of our marriage” (compared to 7 percent of Struggling Couples). She writes, “Highly happy couples tend to put God at the center of their marriage and focus on Him, rather than on their marriage or spouse, for fulfillment and happiness.” There’s no better way for God to be at the center of your marriage than to join with your spouse regularly in prayer.

    I’ve heard this analogy used before: a marriage is like a garden or field of dirt. It’s always changing and growing something. Even if left untouched, it’s still going to sprout up weeds. But, if tended and tilled, the soil is ready for planting and growing beautiful or useful flowers or plants. We have a choice. Leave our marriage untended or work at it. The result of doing the latter will make it all worthwhile.

    A Prayer for Your Marriage:

    Father, help me to be the [husband/wife] you have intended me to be. Show me where I need to improve. Help me to be a better communicator, help me to love my [husband/wife] better, and help us both to grow closer to You and to each other in this new year. In Jesus’ name, amen.

    Brent Rinehart is a public relations practitioner and freelance writer. He blogs about the amazing things parenting teaches us about life, work, faith and more at www.apparentstuff.com. You can also follow him on Twitter at @brentrinehart.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/YakobchukOlena

    Brent Rinehart

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  • 3 Things to Do When Your Husband’s Love Isn’t Enough

    3 Things to Do When Your Husband’s Love Isn’t Enough

    Our God loves to show himself to us by earthly things–and by how these earthly things fall short. He shows us his heart through a sunset or a good meal at the same time as pointing us to heaven by these earthly things being temporary.

    I think he does the same thing through marriage. He shows us Himself by the times that our husbands reach our hearts in exactly the way we need him to. And then he shows us who he is again when our husbands fall short. Both scenarios are good when they bring us to God.

    So when your husband fails to speak to your heart the way you need, let that be a signal and sweet reminder to let God speak to your heart instead.

    Because God is your ultimate romancer. The most thoughtful lover. The best friend anyone could imagine. He loves us in a way our husbands never could–or were ever meant to!

    Take these Scriptures, for example:

    Psalm 56:8 (NLT): You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

    Sometimes our husbands don’t know what to say when we’re crying. (Sometimes, they don’t even notice!) But God cares so deeply about the things that move us that he collects our tears and records each one in his scroll. Now that is someone who cares about you as deeply as you need.

    Psalm 139:1-4 (NLT): O Lord, you have examined my heart

    and know everything about me.

    You know when I sit down or stand up.

    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

    You see me when I travel

    and when I rest at home.

    You know everything I do.

    You know what I am going to say

    even before I say it, Lord.

    Your God sees you. He knows you. He knows every little quirk you have, every preference, and every fear. Your husband does his best to know you and to read your mind, but God knows every thought before it even forms! Your husband might forget your favorite to-go order or to take off work for your birthday, but God has these details memorized. He sees every part of you and declares it very good.

    Isaiah 54:5 (NLT): For your Creator will be your husband; the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.

    Our husbands love us dearly. They may be very sacrificial. They may create many things for you. But the bigger picture is that The God of all the earth is your husband! He created the earth (and every pink sky). He commands angels to protect you. He sent his son to redeem you from death.

    Therefore, God is infinitely worth leaning on in those moments where our husband innocently misses us. Or even when it’s not innocent. God is there.

    Pray, journal, and worship your true husband–whatever your heart needs to feel comforted and seen by your lover who will never disappoint you.

    It might be helpful to have a few “emergency Scriptures” on hand for the next time you feel rejected by your husband. Not only will these calm you down in the moment, but they’ll help you to see your husband more clearly. And encourage you to love him in the way that he needs, too!

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Milko

    Kelly-Jayne McGlynn

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  • Can You Still Be an Encouragement to Your Adult Children?

    Can You Still Be an Encouragement to Your Adult Children?

    Early in motherhood someone reminded me that I will spend more of my life as a mother to adults than to the young children that are in my care. In the land of parenthood, time really does fly!

    The question then, is what do we do as parents with all those adult years? Does our influence go out the door once we become empty nesters?

    The struggle with accepting this new stage of life can be summed up in this quote:

    “A mother’s job is to teach her children not to need her anymore. The hardest part of that job is accepting success.” Isn’t that so true?

    I know in my experience the influence of my parents, particularly my mom, has only grown as I myself am now navigating adulthood. We never stop needing our parents.

    But if there does not exist a complete step-by-step handbook to parenting young kids, there certainly does not exist one on parenting adult children. The waters get murkier as you both learn to traverse a hopefully close-but-somehow-independent relationship. Although your children no longer need you to make decisions for them, your support and guidance is still very much needed.

    What are some ways parents still act as encouragements and rally behind adult children?  Here are a few ideas to get you started:

    1. Let Them Go

    To “let go” may sound counter-intuitive when the goal is to still be involved, but somehow, it’s just the way it works. Most young adult/late teenager needs to feel like they have the space to make their own way in the world. 

    If you hover over their every choice, giving unsolicited advice it’s very likely they will distance themselves from you. In Genesis 2:24 God lets us know that there will be a time that every grown up has to leave their home and set out on their own. 

    In my own life, my mother and father did this particularly well. I decided to attend college far from home and get married during my THIRD year as a college student at twenty years old. 

    Somehow, they dropped me off at a campus 11 hours away from their home and smiled and hugged me. They offered their unwavering support for my decision to finish college quickly and marry my high school sweetheart. Truly, we would have had to get married at the Courthouse in borrowed clothes without them. They gifted us a beautiful, love-filled wedding. 

    Their willingness to “let me go” and support me when my dreams took me far from home showed me that I could wholeheartedly trust that they were on my side as a budding adult. 

    Many years have passed since then and while we haven’t always agreed, I’ve never not had a close relationship with my parents. Thankfully now they live 10 minutes down the road but when they said goodbye to me as a freshman in a state far from home, they had no guarantees that our homes would be close again. 

    It took trust, love, and a whole lot of faith to be supportive during those early years.

    The call to pray for your kids does not stop once they leave the home!  If anything, the day they move out may be the day you amp up those prayers more than ever before.  Adulting is HARD.  No matter what age your children are, they need the guidance and support of the Holy Spirit in their life. Your prayers invite that power to be alive and active in their daily life, whether they know it or not. 

    If you aren’t sure what to pray or how to pray for them, start by praying scripture over them.  Pray Philippians 4:7 over them that God’s amazing peace will guard their hearts and minds.  Psalm 5:12 asks God to surround them with his shield of love. Psalm 27:13 invites God to show them His goodness in the land of the living. 

    Anytime you come across a verse that encourages your heart, convert it to a prayer for your children. 

    3. Speak the Truth to Them with Love

    One great thing about being a parent is that you know your children better than anyone else!  You know how their personality works, their history, about past hang-ups, and even about the dreams they hold dearest to their hearts. You have the power to see right into their heads when life gets more challenging. 

    Don’t shy away from speaking truth to them when they need someone who truly knows them to remind them of it.

    Approach them with tenderness and let them know that you see them.  Even if they don’t respond positively in the moment, the reality is we all want to be seen, no matter how old we get! This is not a moment to press or fuss, but just to remind them of what you know to be true for them. Communicate that you know them, you see their struggles, and are 100% behind them. 

    4. Be Available to Spend Time Together

    Life never gets easy. We think that in each new phase of life brings, we suddenly will get a whole new lease on available free time. That’s just not true! It’s just as easy to fill up your calendar as an empty-nester as a young Mom.  Prioritizing family time looks different once everyone is out on their own but it’s still essential.  Carve out time for family dinners or sneak a trip to give your kids a surprise visit, just to be with them. 

    Now that I am an adult the best gift my parents give me is their presence. I am just thankful to be with them. I love getting to learn about who they are as adults, hear their take on life, and to get to make memories in this stage of life.  Encouragement can be as simple as an unexpected free lunch from Mom and Dad or as exciting as a weekend together doing something out of the norm. Your time and devotion is the best gift you can give your kids.

    5. Let Them Know You Are Proud of Them

    Words of affirmation are vital in being an encouraging force in the lives of others.  You remember when your kids were little and the praise flowed freely?  Every tiny accomplishment is accompanied by praise.  It’s not necessary to take it that far but tap into the cheerleader you once were and speak life into your adult children’s lives. 

    Let them know you still see their efforts, talents, skills, and believe in them. No matter their stage of life, go out of your way to show them the ways you see them thriving.  This will mean so much to lift their spirits if they are in a season where they feel lost.  Even if they are doing well for most of us a huge measure of our success in life is knowing that our parents are proud of us.

    6. When You Have the Chance, Invest in Them

    We all have different resources at our disposal.  Some of us have access to money, others have connections, some us come with special skills, and no matter what everyone has something we can offer our children.  If nothing else our kids at every age need our love. 

    When you have the chance, use what you have, to invest in your adult children. 

    Life doesn’t come with many lucky breaks but having an invested parent in your life may beat out all the luck this world has to offer in giving you a leg up.  When a door is open for you child to learn, grow, or succeed give them your blessing to go boldly forward.  When we life feels risky, the support of your tribe can be all the encouragement you need to take that next scary step.

    7. Be Honest and Open about the Lessons You Have Learned in Life

    Age equals experience. Your kids can benefit from access to the wisdom you have acquired over your lifetime.  Be open about the lessons you have learned both by avoiding trouble through right choices and maybe the things you have learned the “hard way” too. 

    This transparency allows your kids to feel like you are an accessible resource they can go to when they need direction and encouragement.  If you keep an open conversation with your kids about your choices and lifestyle, they won’t feel awkward approaching you when they have questions.   

    They may not always do what you say but it’s encouraging just knowing you are open to those deeper conversations when we face life’s harder decisions.

    8. Remember Your Kids Aren’t You

    It’s the age old story where the parents have one idea about the life their children should live, then their kids hit adulthood, and decide to take a different path. I mean this is the plot of so many movies.  It begs the question, why does our culture keep telling this story? We tell it because rings true for so many of us!

    We grow up and decide to take our own paths and follow our unique passions. 

    Rather than being the parent in the story that “has to come around” keep your place as encourager intact and let go of a dream that was never meant to come true.  From the birth of our kids they are not our own. Their stories are not ours to control.  God chooses us as stewards to care for his creation.  When it’s time for them to be grown ups; it’s our time to hand them, their choices, and their story back to God. 

    Titus 2:4 encourages us to love our children.  The best way to continue to encourage your adult children is to continue to show them love at every turn.  Speak loving truth into their lives, pray God’s truth over them, be their cheerleader when they need it, and be present when the opportunity to spend time together comes around. 

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes about all things motherhood for Richmond Macaroni Kid, creates devotions for the Daily Bible Devotions App, she has work published with Her View from Home, is contributing to a couples devotional for Crosswalk, and is a regular contributor for the marriage/family/homeschool/parenting channels on Crosswalk.com. You can find out more about Amanda at rvahouseofjoy.com or follow her on Instagram at rvahouseofjoy.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Amanda Idleman

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  • 7 Ways to Respect Your Adult Children

    7 Ways to Respect Your Adult Children

    Life never stays still. As parents, it seems our kids change daily. Just as soon as we wrap our heads around potty training, Kindergarten sneaks up on us. In what feels like a blink of an eye, we are attending their 5th-grade graduation. The following years of Middle and High School, we see our children transform before our eyes. They go from children to full-grown adults and quickly get ready to launch out into the great big world! It’s the thing we, as parents, spend countless hours praying and preparing for. From infancy to 18, we are shepherding our kids’ hearts relentlessly so they are ready to be a light in this world.

    Just like that, they are no longer our “babies”; they are adults we can pray for, advise, and encourage but no longer take the role as you did when they were growing under the same roof. This seemingly overnight change can be hard to keep up with, but we have to prepare our hearts to let go in many ways in order for our relationships to make the metamorphosis into one of adults who respect and care for each other.

    What makes this tricky is that our kids don’t always launch into adulthood the way we’d hoped. We have invested so much into these people it can be heart-wrenching to see them live out their own life detours. Just as when they are small, we want to make it all okay for them. We have to remember they are God’s, not ours, and life’s best lessons are often learned through failure, not just success. Trusting God as you allow your kid’s space sometimes to stumble and other times thrive is an important skill to learn. Here is what some of that can look like for us parents:

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Dean Mitchell

    Amanda Idleman

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  • Navigating In-Law Relationships with Love and Respect

    Navigating In-Law Relationships with Love and Respect

    We are required, as Christians, to honor and love not only our immediate family but also our extended family, including our in-laws.

    The Bible emphasizes the significance of familial ties, and our in-laws play a vital role in fostering a sense of belonging and unity within the larger family unit.

    Through marriage, we become connected not only to our spouses but also to their families, creating a network of relationships that should be nurtured with love, respect, and kindness.

    Moreover, the Bible emphasizes the importance of honoring one’s parents throughout various scriptures. The fifth commandment, as stated in Exodus 20:12, commands us to honor our Father and Mother, and this extends to our in-laws as they become part of our extended family. Honoring our in-laws involves showing them respect, love, and appreciation for the role they played in shaping and raising our spouses.

    In-law relationships can also serve as an opportunity for growth in faith and character. As we interact with our in-laws, we have the chance to exercise patience, forgiveness, and humility, mirroring the example set by Jesus Christ in His interactions with others.

    By demonstrating Christ-like attributes in our relationships with our in-laws, we exemplify the power of God’s love and grace. A strong in-law relationship contributes to the overall health and stability of the family unit. 

    When we build bridges of love and understanding with our in-laws, we create a supportive network for our spouses and children. Proverbs 17:17 speaks of a friend loving at all times, and in-laws can become cherished friends and confidants, offering counsel and support during challenging times.

    Additionally, nurturing positive in-law relationships promotes a sense of unity and harmony within the extended family. Instead of being divided by conflicting loyalties, we can strive to work together as a cohesive unit, celebrating each other’s successes and providing mutual support during difficult times. Philippians 2:2 says, “Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.”

    Prioritizing Your Spouse

    One of the fundamental pillars of establishing a strong and harmonious in-law relationship is prioritizing your spouse. When two individuals enter into the sacred covenant of marriage, they commit to becoming one flesh, forming a union that takes precedence over all other relationships, including those with their respective families. 

    By prioritizing your spouse, you demonstrate the depth of your commitment and love, fostering a sense of security and trust within the marriage. In dealing with your in-laws, it is crucial to present a united front to avoid any potential conflicts or misunderstandings.

    When conflicts or disagreements arise with your in-laws, turning to your spouse for support and guidance allows for a shared decision-making process, reinforcing the idea that you and your spouse are a team. Your in-laws will likely respect and appreciate the unity you display, as it communicates a sense of stability and commitment within your marriage.

    Setting Boundaries with Love and Understanding

    While it is essential to embrace a Christ-like attitude of love and understanding towards your in-laws, setting boundaries is equally crucial to maintaining a healthy and respectful in-law relationship. Boundaries serve as a framework to protect your marriage and maintain a balance between familial obligations and the priorities of your immediate family.

    Communicate your boundaries to your in-laws with love and respect, expressing appreciation for their role in your spouse’s life while asserting the need for certain limits. Setting boundaries is not about pushing your in-laws away but rather ensuring that the unique dynamics of your marriage are safeguarded.

    Dealing with Difficult In-Laws

    Dealing with overbearing in-laws can be a delicate task, but it is essential to approach these situations with grace, empathy, and a Christ-like attitude. This involves dealing with the complexities of different personalities and backgrounds within the extended family, addressing difficult or controlling in-laws with love, and resolving conflicts and misunderstandings in a manner that reflects the teachings of Christ.

    Recognizing different personalities and backgrounds

    When dealing with overbearing in-laws, it is crucial to acknowledge and respect the diverse personalities and backgrounds each family member brings to the table. Don’t forget that each individual is shaped by their upbringing, experiences, and beliefs, which can lead to varying perspectives and approaches to family dynamics. Proverbs 18:15 encourages us to seek understanding, recognizing that different viewpoints can enrich our interactions and lead to growth.

    By understanding and empathizing with the uniqueness of our in-laws, we can develop patience and tolerance when faced with challenging situations. It is important not to make hasty judgments or assumptions about their behavior but to seek common ground and strive for understanding.

    Handling overbearing or controlling in-laws with grace

    Dealing with overbearing or controlling in-laws requires a delicate balance between asserting healthy boundaries while demonstrating love and respect. Ephesians 4:2 encourages us to exhibit humility, meekness, and longsuffering in our relationships, even when faced with challenging personalities.

    In these situations, it is essential to communicate assertively but kindly, expressing your feelings and needs in a manner that does not escalate tensions. Remember that their behavior may be rooted in their desire to be involved or to protect their loved ones. 

    Offering reassurance that you value their input while setting appropriate boundaries can create a more positive and understanding atmosphere.

    Approaching conversations with grace rather than confrontation allows for more productive and empathetic communication. It is crucial to remember that as Christians, we must love even those who are difficult to love (Matthew 5:44), and this principle extends to our interactions with in-laws.

    Addressing conflicts and misunderstandings in a Christ-like manner

    Conflicts and misunderstandings are inevitable in any relationship with in-laws, but addressing them in a Christ-like manner can foster reconciliation and healing.

    Firstly, approach the situation privately and respectfully, seeking to understand their perspective while expressing your feelings and concerns. Avoid being accusatory or defensive, and instead, focus on finding common ground and potential solutions.

    Secondly, if a resolution is not reached in private, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a pastor or counselor, to mediate the conversation. This step can provide an unbiased perspective and facilitate open communication.

    Lastly, be willing to forgive and show grace towards them. Reconciliation may take time, but by demonstrating a Christ-like attitude of forgiveness and understanding, you create space for healing and restoration.

    Extending Love and Grace

    Extending love and grace towards our in-laws is also vital to building and maintaining healthy and harmonious relationships within our in-laws. It involves showing empathy and understanding toward their perspectives, demonstrating kindness and appreciation, and embracing forgiveness as a cornerstone of our interactions.

    Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, seeking to understand their feelings, experiences, and points of view. When it comes to our in-laws, this quality becomes even more crucial. 

    By listening to our in-laws’ perspectives without judgment, we create a space for open and honest communication. This, in turn, encourages a deeper connection and promotes mutual respect and understanding. Even if we may not always agree with their viewpoints, showing empathy demonstrates that we value and respect their feelings and experiences.

    By showing kindness and appreciation to our spouse’s family, we create an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance. These gestures communicate that we value our in-laws as individuals and cherish the role they play in our lives and the lives of our spouses. These actions also set a positive example for future generations, fostering a legacy of love and grace within the family.

    Being a Light to Your In-Laws

    Being a light to your in-laws is an opportunity to demonstrate godliness through your actions, interactions, and attitudes toward the family. It involves living out your Christly values as a testimony to your in-laws, being a source of support, encouragement, and love to them, and reflecting Christ’s love in all your interactions.

    As Christians, our lives should reflect the teachings of Christ and the transformation that His love brings. Titus 2:7-8 encourages us to show integrity, gravity, and sincerity, setting an example for others to emulate. By doing so, we become a living testimony to our in-laws, showcasing the power of God’s love and grace in our lives.

    Show genuine care and concern for your in-laws’ well-being by offering support during challenging times and celebrating their successes and joys. Encourage and uplift them through words of affirmation and acts of kindness, building an atmosphere of love and positivity within the family. Doing this creates a sense of belonging, unity, and a space where all family members feel valued and cared for.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

    Emmanuel Abimbola

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  • 8 Encouraging Prayers for Those Who Are Dating

    8 Encouraging Prayers for Those Who Are Dating

    Heavenly Father,

    Thank you for the opportunities that you give to me when I am single. Thank you that I am able to wholeheartedly serve you and go where you lead. As I consider the possibility of marriage, I pray that you will give me direction and clarity. I pray that your peace will calm my uncertainty over what is ahead, and also empower me by your Holy Spirit to continue to seek your will above all. Help me to trust my heart into your loving, everlasting arms. May you be my all in all, whether I am single for your glory, or married for your glory.

    Father, I pray for courage to say no to a relationship that is not your best for me. Strengthen me in the waiting, help me cast my anxieties upon you as I walk confidently one day at a time, knowing you are with me. I will trust in your perfect timing.

    In Jesus’ Name,

    Amen.

    6. A Prayer for Mutual Friendships and Accountability

    Lord Jesus,

    Thank you that your bride, the church, provides community. Within the family of God, I ask that you bring into my path support from those who have biblical marriages centered on love for you first and foremost. Thank you for godly marriages where you are the center. As we date, may we listen well to the wisdom from those who have walked the road of marriage. May married couples be receptive and patient as we ask honest questions, and may they be willing to guide us and pray with us as we consider the beautiful gift of married life together.

    It can be painful to think that we may not end up with the person that we thought we would. May you be close to us if we have encountered the end of a relationship, whether through broken relationships within our own families growing up, or perhaps having to let go of someone we thought we would always be with. May we be surrounded by models of faithfulness that point us to your faithfulness toward us.

    In Jesus’ Name,

    Amen.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/YakobchukOlena

    Ruth Clemence

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  • 7 Ways to Replace Envy with Joy for Friends

    7 Ways to Replace Envy with Joy for Friends

    Take some time to look back over your life and see where God has brought you, what He’s done and what He’s doing now. If you do this, you won’t have time to dwell on what others have. If you don’t dwell on what others have, you won’t develop feelings of jealousy.

    7. Be Honest with Your Friend

    If your friendship is strong and has endured hard times, then you should be able to discuss your feelings with them freely. If you can’t do this, then how strong is your relationship?

    If you still find yourself leaning towards envy when it’s time to celebrate someone, remember the following:

    -If God blessed your friend with their heart’s desires according to His will and riches, He will do the same for you.

    -What goes around comes around. You don’t want your feelings of envy to come back to you.

    -Let your joy for others motivate you to achieve your goals and receive the blessings God has for you.

    -Remove your personal feelings. Don’t make a friend’s good news about you. Let them enjoy their moment and celebrate with them.

    -Be sure of yourself. No one else is like you.

    -God’s timing is best, and what He has for you is specifically for you. There is no need to envy what anyone else has.

    -You have a different load to carry from your friend. This is why you have different blessings and responsibilities from them, and their responsibilities are different from yours.

    -Acknowledge and address your feelings. If you’re feeling a little envious, admit it to yourself so you can move forward. If you’re having difficulty moving forward, confide in someone so they can help you work through your feelings.

    As we continue on this journey called life, we will experience different emotions. With each experience, we must learn to reflect on why we feel the way we feel and grow from that knowledge. It is my prayer that you are never jealous of a friend’s fortunes. I pray that you see and celebrate the beauty and blessings of others, especially those you call friends. If you find yourself slipping into a mode of jealousy, find out why. It’s okay to celebrate someone else’s blessings. Honestly, when you think about it, when you celebrate someone’s blessings, you’re celebrating God’s goodness. And who doesn’t want to celebrate the goodness of the Lord? Life is filled with ups and downs. God places people, friends, in our lives to share both. Don’t ruin the blessings that are genuine friendships because you desire blessings that aren’t for you. You’ll miss out on your blessings, including good friends.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Liz Lampkin

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  • Honoring and Respecting Each Other’s Differences as Christian Couples

    Honoring and Respecting Each Other’s Differences as Christian Couples

    As Christian couples, let us remember that by honoring and respecting each other’s differences, we embody the beautiful diversity that God has woven into His creation. 

    Just as harmonious melodies arise from distinct notes, our unity flourishes when we embrace and celebrate the unique gifts, perspectives, and personalities that each of us brings to the relationship.

    The Significance of Honoring and Respecting Differences

    Honoring and respecting differences in a Christ-centered relationship cannot be overstated, as it lies at the core of a healthy and thriving partnership. When two individuals come together in love and commitment, they inevitably bring their distinct backgrounds, experiences, personalities, and beliefs.

    Rather than viewing these differences as sources of division or conflict, it’s best to honor and respect them.

    In honoring differences, we acknowledge the uniqueness of our spouses and recognize the inherent value they bring to the relationship. It is a way to affirm their identity and worth as a child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made. 

    Embracing these differences with an open heart and mind allows us to learn and grow, broadening our perspectives and enriching our lives. Just as God fashioned each individual with specific gifts and traits, honoring these differences reflects our trust in His divine design.

    Respecting our spouse’s differences is also an active practice of demonstrating love and humility. It involves valuing the opinions and preferences of our partner, even when they differ from ours. This mutual respect creates an atmosphere of trust and safety within the relationship where both partners feel heard, understood, and accepted. 

    By respecting each other’s boundaries and choices, we lay the foundation for healthy communication and emotional intimacy.

    Embracing Individuality

    Embracing individuality within a Christian relationship is not merely an option but an essential aspect of nurturing a strong and meaningful bond. It involves celebrating the unique personalities and traits that make each partner distinct and special. 

    Rather than seeking to mold our partners into a predefined image, we cherish their individuality and appreciate the qualities that set them apart. Romans 12:6-8 reminds us that we have different gifts according to the grace given to each of us. By embracing individuality, we recognize that God has bestowed unique qualities and strengths on each person for a purpose.

    Recognizing diverse spiritual gifts is an integral part of embracing individuality. In 1 Corinthians 12:4-6, we are reminded that “there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences in administrations, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all.” 

    When we honor and appreciate our partner’s divine gifts, we contribute to their spiritual growth and enable them to fulfill their God-given purpose. Embracing these diverse spiritual gifts also strengthens the unity and effectiveness of the Christian relationship as each partner brings their unique contributions to the table.

    It is essential to approach individuality with an attitude of love and patience. Just as God embraces and loves each of His children uniquely, we are called to extend the same grace to our partners. This includes giving space for personal growth, allowing room for change and transformation, and being patient during times of challenges or conflicts.

    Communication and Active Listening

    Communication and active listening are vital cornerstones of a healthy and thriving Christian relationship. They serve as the lifeblood that sustains emotional intimacy, trust, and mutual understanding between partners.

    Open and honest communication forms the bedrock of any successful relationship. Ephesians 4:15 advises us to speak the truth in love, emphasizing the importance of being transparent and genuine with our thoughts and feelings. 

    By expressing ourselves openly, we foster trust and vulnerability, allowing our partners to understand our needs, desires, and concerns. This openness paves the way for effective problem-solving and decision-making, enabling both partners to work harmoniously towards common goals.

    Active listening is essential to communication, as it demonstrates respect and genuine interest in what our partner has to say. James 1:19 encourages us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath, emphasizing the value of attentively listening before responding. 

    When we engage in active listening, we give our partners space to share their thoughts and emotions without interruption or judgment. This act of empathetic listening conveys that we value and cherish their perspectives, feelings, and experiences, strengthening the emotional bond between us.

    Managing Interests and Hobbies

    Exploring interests and hobbies in a Christian relationship requires a delicate balance that fosters individuality and togetherness. Each partner brings their own unique passions and pursuits, which, when appreciated and supported, can enrich the relationship and promote personal growth.

    Encouraging individual pursuits and passions is a fundamental aspect of a healthy partnership. As Ecclesiastes 9:10 advises, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.” Embracing our partner’s interests demonstrates our respect for their autonomy and affirms their value as distinct individuals with unique gifts. 

    Encouragement and support for our spouse in pursuing their desired hobbies, professional goals, or personal interests allow them to flourish, which in turn leads to a more fulfilling and confident relationship. 

    Also, while shared hobbies are crucial, it is equally important to strike a balance between spending time together and apart. Each spouse needs time for personal reflection, relaxation, and solitude. 

    Acknowledging and respecting the need for individual time allows us to recharge and bring a refreshed spirit to the relationship. It is vital to communicate openly about personal boundaries and the need for space, ensuring that both partners feel comfortable and secure in the relationship.

    Dealing with Financial Differences

    Financial harmony in a Christian relationship is not just about money management but also about aligning our hearts and minds in matters of finance. It involves approaching your financial differences with understanding and empathy, creating a shared budget and financial plan, and agreeing on common financial goals.

    I must add that approaching financial differences with understanding is crucial because each partner may have different financial habits, attitudes, and experiences. Proverbs 2:2-3 urges us to “incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding.” By seeking to understand our partner’s perspective and financial background, we can handle potential financial conflicts with grace and compassion. This understanding also helps us build a solid foundation of trust and open communication regarding financial matters, fostering a sense of unity and teamwork in handling finances.

    Creating a budget and financial plan together is a practical step toward financial harmony. By diligently planning and budgeting, we ensure that financial resources are utilized wisely and align with our shared values and priorities. 

    Working together on a budget encourages transparency, accountability, and a sense of shared responsibility in managing finances. It also allows us to set aside funds for saving, giving, and future goals, cultivating a sense of financial security and peace.

    Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together except they are agreed?” When partners are in agreement about financial objectives, they can support and motivate each other in achieving these goals. Whether it’s saving for a major purchase, investing in education, or contributing to charitable causes, having shared financial goals unites partners in a common purpose, deepening their emotional bond and commitment.

    The Takeaway

    In essence, embracing and honoring each other’s differences is the cornerstone of a thriving marriage. Through open communication, celebrating individuality, managing shared interests, and achieving financial harmony, we create unity, understanding, and love. As we journey together, let us remember the words of Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” In doing so, we reflect the beauty of God’s diverse creation and cultivate a lasting, Christ-centered bond that stands as a testament to His grace.

    In the end, our ability to handle the complexities of our relationship while cherishing the uniqueness of our partner lies at the heart of a harmonious Christian union. Let us move forward with a shared commitment to respect, honor, and celebrate the beautiful diversity that makes our bond special. Let us remember the words of Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient; love is kind. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.” By living out these truths, we create a relationship that flourishes in the light of God’s love and grace.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Goran13

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • 5 Steps to Take If Your Spouse Gives You ‘the Silent Treatment’

    5 Steps to Take If Your Spouse Gives You ‘the Silent Treatment’

    Who of us isn’t guilty of giving someone a strong dose of the silent treatment? Feelings bruised from words spoken or actions taken, we retreat into our silent world, all the while hoping our actions make our mate pay for the harm they’ve done to us.

    Withdrawing is not something new. Watch your four-year-old pout and you’ll recognize the early signs of ‘the silent treatment.’ They refuse to talk because they’re mad. Truth be known, they’re really deeply hurt and make the decision to hurt back—and it works!

    Many couples coming to work with us at The Marriage Recovery Center are disconnected, often by one or both partners choosing to use this immature behavior. Many have used this form of communication for years, with the patterns of interacting becoming ingrained.

    Why do people use the Silent Treatment?

    Why do we continue to use ‘the silent treatment’ if it is so destructive? It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form of treatment, and we all know it.

    While not proud to admit it, I’ve used ‘the silent treatment’ in my marriage. I’ve rationalized it by telling myself I was just taking time to myself to think. While partially true, I knew my actions were also hurtful and did not quickly stop it. Perhaps you can relate.

    To be fair, there are times when we must cool off, and this can actually be a healthy action to take. When feeling overwhelmed, it is important and even responsible to pull back, reflect and choose your actions carefully. If you let your mate know you are taking some time to consider how to effectively respond, they will likely be understanding and even appreciative.

    Helpful Scripture

    Scripture speaks clearly on this issue. The Apostle James instructs us: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). The Apostle James knew full well the lethal power of the tongue, but also seemed to know that there is a place for quiet spaces in a relationship.

    The words of James are very apropos to relationships. We need to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. We must learn to be quick to listen. These are skills that are easier said than done and should never be confused with using silence to hurt.

    Here are Five Steps to resolve “The Silent Treatment”

    1. Confront the behavior.

    Just as we would confront the four-year-old who refuses to talk, we do the same for the adult in our lives. We must do this carefully, however as we don’t want to give the pouter extra clout. We should simply acknowledge that they have withdrawn and we want to give them an opportunity to talk it out effectively. Offer them the opportunity to talk, OR to take an agreed-upon timeout.

    2. Hold them accountable for withdrawing.

    We must make it clear that we notice the behavior, and now invite them to speak directly to you about whatever is bothering them. Additionally, you note to them that their behavior is hurtful. While you cannot make them talk, you can let them know you notice what they are doing.

    3. Share your feelings with them.

    As you invite them to talk directly with you, let them know the impact their withdrawal has on you. You might say something like this: “I’ve noticed that something seems to be bothering you. You seem to have withdrawn. I want to invite you to talk directly to me about whatever is troubling you. I also want to let you know that I find your prolonged silence to be very hurtful.”

    4. If your mate chooses to talk, continue to have a healthy dialogue about the issue.

    If they choose to talk to you, share your appreciation with them. Thank them for sharing, reinforcing positive behavior. This will be a quick fix to a potentially troubling situation. If they continue to give you ‘the silent treatment,’ you have no choice then to give them the space they are creating.

    5. Be ready for connection when they choose to reconnect.

    At this juncture, however, they will need to take responsibility for withdrawing in an unhealthy way and for creating more hurt in the relationship. Hold them accountable for withdrawing and share that you are ready to reconnect when they acknowledge the damage they have done by giving you ‘the silent treatment.’

    In summary, silence is a particularly painful weapon and has no place in a healthy relationship. Taking a time out, agreed upon by both people, can be an effective way to get space to reflect, pray and consider a healthy response. You should allow for ‘time outs’ and must agree that ‘the silent treatment’ will never be tolerated.

    Related Resource: Listen to our new, FREE podcast on marriage: Team Us. The best marriages have a teamwork mentality. Find practical, realistic ideas for strengthening your marriage. Listen to an episode here, and then head over to LifeAudio.com to check out all of our episodes:

    We are here to help and offer phone/ Skype counseling on issues related to this article. Please go to our website, www.marriagerecoverycenter.com and discover more information about this as well as the free downloadable eBook, A Love Life of Your Dreams, including other free videos and articles.  Please send responses to me at drdavid@marriagerecoverycenter.com and also read more about The Marriage Recovery Center on our website. You’ll find videos and podcasts on sexual addiction, emotionally destructive marriages, codependency and affair-proofing your marriage. 

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

    Dr. David Hawkins, MBA, MSW, MA, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who has helped bring healing to thousands of marriages and individuals since he began his work in 1976. Dr. Hawkins is passionate about working with couples in crisis and offering them ways of healing their wounds and finding their way back to being passionately in love with each other.

    Over the past ten years, Dr. Hawkins has become a leader in the field of treatment for narcissism and emotional abuse within relationships. He has developed several programs for treatment of men dealing with these issues and the women who love them. Dr. Hawkins is also a speaker & trainer for the American Association of Christian Counselors and writes for Crosswalk.com, CBN.org, and iBelieve.com. He is a weekly guest on Moody Radio and Faith Radio and is a best-selling author of over thirty books.

    Dr. David B. Hawkins

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  • What’s a Wife to Do? Dealing with a Difficult Husband

    What’s a Wife to Do? Dealing with a Difficult Husband

    Growing up, a very difficult family member was married to a loving, kind person with a servant’s heart, an individual who seemed to do everything possible to keep the challenging spouse happy. 

    We wondered how the spouse was able to deal with such a difficult person, all the while, living out Ephesians 4:2 to, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

    For many couples, modern-day marriage is about focusing on self, and what makes each individual happy. A difficult spouse isn’t someone most married people want to deal with long-term. Still, marriage offers us the opportunity to become more Christ-like, especially when dealing with a challenging spouse. 

    Unlike the world’s pursuit of happiness, God has deeper and more rewarding purposes in mind for marriage. Psalm 66:10 describes how, “For You, God, tested us; You refined us like silver.” 

    As hard as it might be, God can work good things out within us as we deal with a difficult spouse. Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” 

    Abigail’s Introduction

    1 Samuel 25:3 highlights the story of Abigail and Nabal in their relationship with David’s years of running for his life from King Saul: “His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.”

    Although Abigail’s husband is described as disagreeable and unpleasant to deal with, Scripture doesn’t describe their marriage relationship. However, we assume from the description that he was an extremely difficult husband.

    Abigail’s Predicament

    Camping near Nabal’s flocks, David noticed it was sheep-shearing time. Respectfully, he kept his distance, even protectively watching over Nabal’s men and sheep, eventually sending a messenger to ask him if he might share his harvest with David and his men (1 Samuel 25:15-16).

    Outraged at David’s request, Nabal hurls insults back at him, infuriating David to plan a slaughter of Nabal and all his men. On overhearing David’s plan, a servant of Nabal rushed to Abigail saying, “Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him’” (1 Samuel 25:17).

    Some wives can relate to dealing with an unapproachable husband whom they, or anyone else, can’t talk to about an important matter. In these situations, what is a wife to do?

    Abigail’s Choice

    In this life-and-death situation, Abigail was faced with making an immediate decision, knowing she wouldn’t be able to reason with her unreasonable husband. Acting quickly, she prepared an extravagant amount of supplies for David and his men. “Then she told her servants,’ Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.’ But she did not tell her husband Nabal” (1 Samuel 25:19).

    Abigail chose to fulfill her God-given call to be a helper to her husband, even though he had created the fateful situation and hadn’t asked for or wanted her help. Rather than abandon him to the looming, tragic consequences he was bringing on himself and his men, she stepped in to help him. She recognized her husband’s weaknesses and intervened to help him when it was in her power to do so. 

    Abigail’s Risks

    Abigail risked everything to do what was right before God, and He gave her wisdom in knowing how to approach David. “She fell at his feet and said: ‘Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him” (1 Samuel 25:24-26).

    Some may question whether Abigail’s words to David concerning her husband were disrespectful. Was she defaming her husband’s name or merely speaking the truth of the situation? 

    In response, “David said to Abigail, ‘Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands.’ Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, ‘Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request’” (1 Samuel 25:32-35). 

    Abigail’s Longsuffering

    As challenging as it must have been for her, Abigail’s husband’s trying personality gave her the opportunity to submit to God and do what would please Him, along with growing in godliness. 1 Timothy 4:8 reminds us, “For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”

    Scripture doesn’t tell us how a beautiful, bright woman like Abigail ended up married to an unruly man like Nabal, most likely an arranged marriage to benefit her family’s financial situation. Yet, Abigail yielded to doing what was right before God, over her husband’s wishes. It’s easy to underestimate the great risk she took by doing what she did, but she was not only risking her life but also her future with her husband. With both David and Nabal, she was making a life-and-death decision, with everything to lose. 

    5 Ways to Cope

    Like Abigail, there are wives today just trying to survive day after day with a difficult husband. 

    The following are five ways to help them cope:

    1. Look to God. No other person on earth, and especially a difficult husband, is created to fully meet a wife’s needs because it’s the place only God can fill. 

    Instead of looking to a husband, a wife can look to God, who calls all of us to look to Him to meet our every need. As Philippians 4:19 explains, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” 

    2. Answer God’s call. God created and called women to be man’s helpers. Still, many women don’t want to help, especially a difficult man like Nabal. 

    Likewise, many men don’t think they need a woman’s help. Yet, Genesis 2:18 explains, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”

    Men don’t do well alone, so God created women, not as an afterthought, but exquisitely to be a helper extraordinaire. He gives women godly insight and influence, which is extremely beneficial and helpful to their husbands. 

    Like Abigail, even when a husband has created a devastating situation, a wife can choose to follow God’s lead to help him. Romans 15:1 encourages, “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not please ourselves.” 

    3. Offer companionship. Although a difficult husband’s demeanor pushes a wife away, she can seek ways to be a companion. Even if he seems unappreciative, she can do it to please God, looking to Him for her reward. As Colossians 3:17 urges: “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

    Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us how, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity the one who falls and has no one to help them up.” 

    4. Pray. Most of all, wives can pray for their husbands. Like 1 Timothy 2:1 encourages, “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for all people.”

    As well, if possible, pray with him and let God work through the words spoken to soften his heart. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 urges us to “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 

    5. Trust God. Trying to change a difficult husband doesn’t ever work but usually has the opposite effect, causing a husband to resist his wife’s efforts and grow more challenging. Real transformation takes place from the inside out when God moves upon his heart, making him a new man. 

    Still, God gives a wife tremendous influence in nurturing faith within her husband’s life. 1 Peter 3:1-2 reveals how God can work through a wife’s trust and faith in Him: “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

    Lynette Kittle

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  • What Did Jesus Mean by ‘Two Become One’ in Mark 10:8

    What Did Jesus Mean by ‘Two Become One’ in Mark 10:8

    And the two will become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh(Mark 10:8, emphasis added).

    That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh(Genesis 2:24, emphasis added).

    For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31, emphasis added).

    For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Matthew 19:5, emphasis added).

    There are several verses that are mentioned multiple times throughout the Bible. It’s as if it is to bring emphasis and state the importance of these Words, shining a spotlight on the Truth.

    It declares, “In case you didn’t hear the first time, here it is again, and again, and again….and again!”

    As I write this today, my sweet hubby of 20 years sits behind me in a nice polo shirt and gym shorts holding an online business call. I sort of chuckle to myself at the sight of him, recognizing our all too familiar and quite comfortable love we share.

    Honestly, I love when he works from home. He used to be here all the time, but now that he ventures into the office more often, it’s nice when he actually is here, sitting beside me, nodding with a smile when I gaze over my shoulder at him.

    I truly enjoy being married, and I love being “one” with him. That doesn’t mean we haven’t felt tension and that our marriage has been free from bumps and mishaps.

    Just like every other couple, we have had our fair share of trials and temptations, longing to split and bend to our own flesh.

    For starters, struggling with infertility at the beginning of our marriage caused us to be at odds with one another rather than coming together in hopes of creating a family.

    And more recently, after the loss of several pillar family members, the deceiver took grief and tried to place a wedge in our marriage.

    Sadly, Satan loves to meddle in our marriages and will use anything he can to pull a couple apart. He is the master of twisting the truth, causing confusion, distorting our views, and bringing division at all costs, making us fall, time and time again.

    This is why it is so important to understand what Jesus meant when He said, two become one. Let’s first get a little context behind the verses found above and why the term “become one flesh” is so invaluable in a marriage.

    It Starts with Adam and Eve

    In every verse mentioned, we see that a man will leave his father and unite with his wife. However, when it comes to Adam and Eve, they had no parents; God was their Father.

    So, what does this mean in Genesis 2:24? Well, we see God lay out the roles for family members and the importance of the example Adam and Eve set for all of us.

    God cares deeply for His creation and created us for fellowship and to do this life together, honoring and respecting one another.

    Our relationship with Him being frontstage and taking precedence over all other relationships in order for all our other relationships to thrive (Deuteronomy 6:5; Mark 12:30).

    God tells us that He created Eve so that Adam wouldn’t be alone (Genesis 2:18) and furthermore that she would be his helper. God made Eve to be a companion, a friend, and a lover.

    This is the first relationship we see between a man and a woman. A husband and a wife. While they were far from perfect and sinned against the Father, we learn so many valuable lessons from their love story.

    We learn that a marriage begins with a beautiful partnership being tethered to God (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

    God’s Design for Marriage

    Think about a recent wedding you have been to, or better yet, if you are married, think of your own blissful wedding day.

    All the emotions and feelings coursing through your views, from the excitement to the unending nerves that seemed to bring on emotions you may have never felt before.

    It was all a surreal experience. Then, it happened. You locked eyes with your spouse and exchanged the most precious vows you will ever say to another human being.

    You took a stand, made a pledge, and declared your love, with your parents, family, and friends all being a witness. You made a covenant with your spouse and God. This only happens in one human relationship — marriage.

    God’s design for marriage is simple — what God has joined together in a union; no man should separate (Mark 10:9; Matthew 19:6).

    Ephesians 5:31 tells us that a man leaves his parents in order to be joined by his wife and start a family.

    They come together as a union (as one), pursuing God’s will while being faithfully devoted to one another.

    Emotionally driven, mentally connected, physically joined, and spiritually growing. Friend, marriage is God’s investment in His kingdom, and we should take that to heart.

    Teachings from Jesus

    But what about when marriages fail, one is unfaithful, or a wedge has come between the two? Let’s see what Jesus says on this subject.

    As Jesus was teaching in Judea, the Pharisees began to question Him about marriage and the subject of divorce (Matthew 19:1-3; Mark 10:8). Yes, even in that day it was a controversial topic.

    Jesus’ response was very matter-of-fact, saying that in the beginning, God created man and woman (Matthew 19:4), as if to first reiterate the fact that a marriage is joined by a man and woman.

    Jesus further proved that God designed marriage for the purpose of connecting closely with them while growing in a special way with another human in order to procreate and start a family (Genesis 1:28).

    This sparked further debate on the Mosaic law which states in Deuteronomy 24:1 that if a man found uncleanness in his wife, then he could write her a bill of divorce. However, Jesus met them in their testiness and responded to their corrupted view of marriage.

    He took them back to the beginning, where Adam was alone and in need of a companion. God doesn’t just give Adam another animal to name or another man to befriend.

    God does something greater. He takes one of Adam’s ribs and fashions a woman. Eve was fashioned from Adam, for Adam (Genesis 2:21-24).

    Jesus continues further in Matthew 19, stating that the only grounds for divorce are due to sexual immorality. Implying that in marriage, sexual intimacy is a blessed gift and should stay in the confines of a marriage bed.

    He goes on to say that if a man (or woman) is unable to be faithful, loving, and serving their spouse, placing God over and in control of their marriage, they shouldn’t even say, “I do.”

    That is pretty powerful! Jesus points out to the crowd gathering around to hear this message that God takes marriage very seriously and has a plan and purpose for this sacred union.

    That means that we, too, should see our marriage as sacred and holy. In other words, a way to become more like Christ.

    When we build trust and serve and love our spouse, sacrificing our wants and needs to meet the needs of our “other half,” we become a united front, or one flesh that can ward off the enemy that is constantly on the attack.

    If your marriage is currently under attack, and you do not feel at one with your spouse, seek wisdom and discernment from your Father.

    Open your hurt and heart to God, and lay down all the burdens that surround your marriage — the past, the anger, the tension, the blame.

    Hand it all over and ask God to intervene, then trust that He will lead and guide you. Remind your wounded heart that your spouse is not meant to meet your need for unfailing love; they simply can’t. They will fail you, just as you will them.

    Closing Thoughts

    As mentioned before, there are many phrases and words that are repeatedly weaved throughout the Word. Unfailing love is a phrase we see time and time again. It is actually mentioned over 700 times in the Bible.

    That’s because it is the heartbeat and theme of the gospel. We all desperately crave unfailing love, and we deeply need it.

    Marriage is a beautiful gift and precious blessing that provides us with an endearing and unique type of love, bonding us together as one, but it doesn’t even come close to the unconditional and unfailing love that our God offers us!

    For further reading:

    -timothy-32.html”>What Does the ‘Husband of One Wife’ Mean in 1 Timothy 3:2?

    What Is the Biblical Definition of Marriage?

    Why Is a Covenant of Marriage Such a Radical Idea?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Vasil Dimitrov

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

    Alicia Searl

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  • 5 Beautiful Bible Verses for Engagement

    5 Beautiful Bible Verses for Engagement

    Engagement is a time of great excitement, busyness, and preparation. It is important not to allow this season to go by without being intentional about the heart work that the Holy Spirit wants to do in this time. Whether you are getting married for the very first time or this is not your first rodeo, let’s take a look at Bible verses for engagement.

    Proverbs 16:9 – “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

    One of the most question-filled times in one’s life can be wedding planning. Between caterers, venues, pastors, musicians, seating charts and finding the attire, wedding planning can easily become overwhelming. It is so valuable to remember in the midst of decision making that we can make plans and have dreams, but in the end, we need to leave the results up to God. He is the One who ultimately holds our wedding days. He knows the weather, the hiccups that will go wrong, and the sweet moments that we will have with loved ones.

    It is easy to have an attitude of being controlling, and so it is very important that we release that in surrender to the Lord. He cares for us, and we can absolutely make plans, but it is vital to regularly seek Him out in the midst of them.

    Proverbs 16:2 – “All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD.”

    Engagement season is one of the most tempting times. You know in your hearts that you are committed to each other, but not under a covenant with God or the law yet. It can be easy to make compromising decisions and push the boundaries you worked hard for in dating. Passion takes over and leaves people with regrets if they are not careful.

    The Lord has brought you to a season of preparation, and that means that you definitely prepare to be intimate with one another personally and have conversations about expectations and desires for the future, but it is very important to be cautious and in step with the Spirit in purity. Sometimes something seems pure to us, but the Lord weighs our motives and knows our hearts. Ask God to help you honor Him with purity of mind and body in this season of “not yet but almost.”

    Revelation 19:7-9 – “’Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure’ — for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.’ And he said to me, ‘These are the true words of God.’”

    Jesus is described as our Bridegroom in Heaven. The church (the body of Christ/all believers) are His bride. We are called to be preparing for Him. In the season of engagement, there is great preparation for the upcoming marriage. An earthly marriage is a symbol and witness of the marriage that the Lamb (Jesus) has with His bride (the church). As you get ready for this momentous day in your life, reflect on the fact that this is a similar feeling to how we should always be as we await the coming of our Groom.

    Just like a bride might workout, do beauty treatments, read about marriage, and prepare, we should be making ourselves ready for Jesus to return. This can motivate us to clothe ourselves with His armor, live by the fruit of the Spirit, share the gospel to invite others. Experiencing the joy of wedding preparation can lead us to greater intimacy and worship of our Savior and our eternal Groom.

    Isaiah 62:5 – “For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.”

    This is also a time to reflect on God’s abundant love for you. As a groom rejoices over his bride, God rejoices over you. This is great love and forever commitment. Christ has made a covenant with us and we are His forever. During engagement, take time to ponder how wonderful it is that Jesus pursued your heart and made a way for you to be with Him, forever free from death and sin.

    Proverbs 12:15 – “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.”

    Engagement is a time of learning and listening from successful, godly marriages. It is a season to soak in the knowledge and experiences from others. Having a mentor couple or a pastor lead you through pre-marital counseling, reading books, and having accountability partners are wise additions to getting ready to meet your future spouse at the altar. Everything aesthetic for the wedding can be done, but if we neglect our hearts and learning, we neglect a very important tool of preparation.

    The Lord tells us that a wise man listens to counsel. We are foolish to think that we will know all the answers in marriage and we know how to “do things right.” There is great maturity and wisdom when we can listen to how other Christian married couples have kept Jesus at the center of their marriages, adjusted to newlywed life, set up boundaries, achieved practical tasks, and handled conflict. There is such a beautiful benefit to preparing for marriage with mentors who have Christ-like wisdom to pass on. We can avoid heartache and conflicts that they faced by just listening and applying what they share.

    As you get ready for your wedding day, spend time praying that it will be a time where all who witness the marriage will see the gospel through your commitment to one another. The Lord loves to use marriages and weddings to point others to His eternal love and salvation. This is a time of transition and God will meet you in the midst of it.

    More from this author
    Encouraging Bible Verses That Remind Us Not to Worry
    What Fruit of the Spirit Are You Growing?
    Can We Use Exercise to Worship God?

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Strelciuc Dumitru

    Emma Danzey’s mission in life stems from Ephesians 3:20-21, inspiring young women to embrace the extraordinary. One of her greatest joys is to journey with the Lord in His Scriptures. She is wife to Drew for over two years and mom to baby Graham. Drew and Emma serve with Upstate CRU college ministry in South Carolina. Emma is an avid writer for Salem Web Network and provides articles on the Bible, life questions, and on the Christian lifestyle. Her article on Interracial Marriage was the number 1 viewed article on Crosswalk for the year 2021. All the glory to the Lord! She had the joy of hosting Her Many Hats podcast where she explored the many roles that women play while serving One God. Most recently, Emma has released her first Bible Study Book, Wildflower: Blooming Through Singleness.

    Emma enjoys singing/songwriting, fitness classes, trying new recipes, home makeover shows, and drinking tea! During her ministry career, Emma recorded two worship EP albums, founded and led Polished Conference Ministries, ran the Refined Magazine, and served in music education for early childhood. Emma also had the privilege of having been a national spokesperson for Mukti Mission based out of India. Mukti has been working to restore shattered lives in India for over 120 years. You can view her articles through her blog at emmadanzey.wordpress.com and check out her Bible Study videos on Instagram @Emmadanzey.

    Emma Danzey

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  • What Do Tattoos and Relationships Have to Do with the Trouble with AI?

    What Do Tattoos and Relationships Have to Do with the Trouble with AI?

    As tattooing has become more mainstream, Christians have, rightfully, sought counsel from God’s Word to determine whether or not tattoos are a biblically authorized form of expression.

    For those of us who have tattoos (yes, I have two three-quarter sleeves) or are considering getting a tattoo, the digital or “artificial age” is raising new questions that ultimately transcend tattooing.

    These new questions aren’t about whether or not Christians should put ink under their skin but about the increased opportunities allowing us to disconnect from one another.

    The tattooing process offers an interesting test case for the ways artificial intelligence (AI) models provide the means for us to distance ourselves from one another.

    To underscore the problem, it is important to understand how the Bible deals with tattooing and why.

    While conversations about Christians and tattoos have tended to focus on whether the action of getting a tattoo is prohibited or not, the legal literature of the Old Testament is not a list of dos and don’ts that can be abstracted from a particular context. Instead, they speak to the ways God relates to us and the way we are to relate to others.

    The Bible, Tattooing, and Connection

    Before deciding to get “inked” for the first time in 2005, I spent a fair amount of time researching that question.

    While Leviticus 19:28 may, at first glance, seem to preclude the modern-day practice of tattooing, the text isn’t aimed at the physical act so much as it is aimed at the symbolic meaning and purpose behind those acts.

    More specifically, the law is concerned with relationships between God and his people and between God’s people and others.

    In both Leviticus 19:28, tattooing reflects one’s understanding of and connection to God and others. Leviticus points to ways of interacting with others that convey a false sense of reality.  The prohibition against tattooing has as its background an improper human relationship.

    Tattooing had been used in Egypt as a sign of slavery. The continued practice of marking oneself or others as servants of anyone other than the Lord would constitute a return to the sort of slavery from which God had delivered his people.

    The prohibition in Leviticus 19:28 concerns the perpetual establishment of inappropriate relationships between humans and, thus, an inaccurate understanding of God.

    Isaiah 44:5 may offer a more positive perspective on tattooing. Isaiah points to a day when God’s people will proclaim their connection with the Lord without shame.

    Though the lack of a preposition before “hand” in Isaiah 44:5 leaves open the possibility that the text does not refer to writing “on their hand” than “with their hand,” the reading “on their hand” would reinforce the notion that the meaning and purpose of an act like tattooing is crucial to understanding the appropriateness of the act itself.

    If Isaiah 44:5 is understood as a reference to tattooing, the relationship conveyed by the permanent mark is an appropriate one as God’s people demonstrate their ongoing commitment to the Lord.

    Viewing the prohibition against tattooing in Leviticus and the potential “endorsement” of it in Isaiah from this angle situates tattooing within the broad summary of the law’s requirements: loving God with all we are and have and loving our neighbor as ourselves.

    The laws given to Israel were offered within the relational context of the covenant. As such, they offered guidance to the Israelites on how to relate rightly to God, others, and creation as a whole.

    The covenant, according to Old Testament scholar Richard Averbeck, “is intended to help us understand how the holy God does relationship with us as fallen sinful people.”

    If the covenant and the laws given as part of that covenant are inherently relational, we should not simply attend to the specific rules laid out for ancient Israel and the way they inform our understanding of God.

    We must also recognize that these laws offer wisdom regarding the sorts of relationships we are to cultivate as people who know the living God.

    Why I’m Concerned about Artificial Intelligence and Tattooing

    After getting a less-than-stellar tattoo in 2009 (which I eventually got covered up), I started taking the process of tattooing more seriously. I looked at a number of tattoos online, visited a few tattoo parlors, and talked to several artists before finding an artist I trusted.

    Between 2017 and 2021, I worked with my artist to design a cover-up on my right arm and a new tattoo for my left.

    I would bring her an idea; she would draw it up and make suggestions to improve on my rough concepts. In my experience, the interaction between me and my artist allowed for better tattoos.

    My concern with some of the AI models currently available is that they will diminish aspects of the creative work tattoo artists actually do.

    If AI models create the art and clients simply expect tattoo artists to apply a stencil and pop in the ink, the end product may be indistinguishable from that produced when clients and artists collaborate, but we will lose something in the process.

    At the core of my concerns is a conviction: human-to-human interactions matter. It seems to me that AI is already exhibiting a tendency to turn creatives (e.g., tattoo artists) into more or less mechanistic workers.

    They essentially paint-by-number. To put it simply, AI is creating opportunities for us to redefine the way we interact with one another.  

    While you may not share specific concerns about AI’s impact on the tattoo industry, all Christians should be concerned about the ways AI allows us to change the way we relate to one another.

    If “all the Law and the Prophets” depend on loving God with all we are and have and loving our neighbors as we love ourselves (Matt 22:34-40), we must consider how AI’s functionalities hinder us from loving God and our neighbor.

    We may justify our willingness to replace human work with AI in the name of efficiency. Yet, Christians are not called to be efficient. We are called to love God and our neighbor.

    As such, we cannot embrace AI as a tool on the basis of efficiency. We have to consider how AI helps and hinders us from loving God and our neighbor. In some instances, AI may offer opportunities for us to care for those who are burdened in some fashion.

    In others, AI will diminish our neighbors and eliminate the spaces we currently have to love them by respecting their creativity and allowing them to exercise their God-given talents.

    Why Does This Matter?

    In the end, AI’s potential to change the tattoo industry is of less concern than what that potential represents. It represents AI’s potential to diminish our capacity to love God and one another.

    If we become overly dependent on technology, we will soon find ourselves pushing God to the margins of our lives. When God is pushed to the margins, our neighbors will not be far behind.

    For further reading:

    How Should Christians Respond to AI? Losing Touch with Reality

    th-tattoos.html”>Can Someone Get to Heaven with Tattoos?

    How Should Christians Respond to AI? Bias, Decision-Making, and Data Processing

    What Does the Bible Say about Tattoos?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/zamrznutitonovi

    James Spencer earned his Ph.D. in Theological Studies from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He believes discipleship will open up opportunities beyond anything God’s people could accomplish through their own wisdom. James has published multiple works, including Christian Resistance: Learning to Defy the World and Follow Christ, Useful to God: Eight Lessons from the Life of D. L. Moody, Thinking Christian: Essays on Testimony, Accountability, and the Christian Mind, and Trajectories: A Gospel-Centered Introduction to Old Testament Theology to help believers look with eyes that see and listen with ears that hear as they consider, question, and revise assumptions hindering Christians from conforming more closely to the image of Christ. In addition to serving as the president of the D. L. Moody Center, James is the host of “Useful to God,” a weekly radio broadcast and podcast, a member of the faculty at Right On Mission, and an adjunct instructor with the Wheaton College Graduate School.  

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

    James Spencer

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  • 5 Prayers for the School Year

    5 Prayers for the School Year

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year, back to school! My heart flutters as I scan the school supplies list, meet my child’s teacher, and transition to earlier bedtimes in preparation for a new school year. As excited as I am to watch my children reconnect with old friends, grow their knowledge, and embark on new adventures, I often wrestle with the “what-ifs” the new school year also brings.

    As concerned parents, we can “what-if” ourselves all day. So, might I encourage you, as I am myself, to turn to the Lord in prayer when those what-ifs creep in?

    5 Prayers for the School Year

    A Prayer of Protection

    “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” – Isaiah 40:11

    Heavenly Father, we know you are the Good Shephard who watches over your flock day and night. There is much to fear in this fallen world, and we ask that you keep our children safe as they go to school this year. May they feel your constant presence as they travel to their classrooms, walk the halls, and return home. 

    We pray for children from broken homes who find refuge in the classroom. We pray for their hearts that they will not become discouraged but find comfort in a friend or teacher. Help us be sensitive to their needs and, when we can, offer assistance as we help keep them safe both during and after school. 

    Help us to keep a reign on our anxious thoughts as we read the headlines and hear stories of pure evil. We know You are sovereign; evil will not prevail; You are the righteous Judge. We ask that we keep a healthy perspective, being cautious but not crippled by our concerns for our children. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

    A Prayer to Make Good Decisions

    “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers.” – Psalms 1:1-3

    Heavenly Father, we ask that you give our children biblical discernment as they start this school year. Help them remember the words spoken over them, the Bible stories they have learned, and the conversations with godly influences as they make decisions throughout their day. There are many distractions; we ask that you keep their thoughts and hearts set on You.

    Lord, we worry our children will fall victim to peer pressure or, in our absence, make a wrong decision. Help us to release that fear to You. Help our children lean into the power of the Holy Spirit to guide their days; help them to stand firm in their faith. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

    A Prayer for Friendships

    “If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:10

    Heavenly Father, we are grateful for the gift of friendships. We know you made us for connection, but sometimes making new friends and maintaining those friendships can be difficult. We ask that You guide our children as they learn to navigate relationships with people from different backgrounds who may think and act differently. 

    Lord, we know that, more than likely, this school year will bring hurt feelings. Some at our child’s hand, and some because of others’ actions. We ask that they learn to forgive quickly, offering grace and mercy to their offenders. If they are the ones who offended, please convict their hearts, moving them to seek forgiveness and reconciliation with their peers. 

    While we enjoy the gift of earthly friendships, the greatest relationship we can have is with you, as Lord and Savior. We pray for any child that doesn’t have a personal relationship with You. Help our children share their faith, giving them the courage to invite their friends to church, pray during school, and tell others about Jesus. We long to be lights in this dark world; grant us strength to be bold for the Gospel! In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

    A Prayer for the Teachers

    “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9

    Heavenly Father, thank you for those who give their lives to teach our children. We are grateful for their love and devotion to helping our children grow academically, socially, and potentially spiritually. You understand the high demands of teaching, and we call on the Holy Spirit to provide our educators with passion, perseverance, and patience. 

    There are many times when teachers feel discouraged and overwhelmed by the constant demands of the classroom; please be with them. Let teachers know they are impacting our children’s futures and give them strength and courage as they start each day. As parents, please help us to assume the best and give teachers grace. 

    A Prayer for the Administration 

    “I urge, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior,” – 1 Timothy 2:1-3

    Heavenly Father, we pray over our nation’s education system, local districts, and community schools. We know that You are ultimately in control, but we ask that You guide and direct those in authority so that they will align their decisions for our children with biblical truths and Your will. 

    We pray for our nation, the president, our federal and local lawmakers, and school administration, from the superintendent to the office manager. We ask that you grant us discernment, and should we disagree with the administration, we prayerfully consider how to address our concerns. In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Inside Creative House

    Laura Bailey is a Bible teacher who challenges and encourages women to dive deep in the Scriptures, shift from an earthly to an eternal mindset, and filter life through the lens of God’s Word.  She is the author of Beyond the Noise, and loves any opportunity to speak and teach women of all ages. She is a wife and momma to three young girls. Connect with her on her website,  www.LauraRBailey.com, Facebook and Instagram.

    Laura Bailey

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  • 5 Tips for Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

    5 Tips for Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

    Every family is unique and has its own set of challenges. Part of our Christian journey is learning how to interact with different people. When it comes to families, there is no perfect family.

    This article deals with the specific challenge of interacting with a narcissistic mother-in-law. When we marry our spouse, we have the privilege of joining someone else’s family. There will be good times and obstacles with every family. Facing the challenges will be a growth opportunity. We can set boundaries and expectations, but ultimately it is God who can change them. Let’s look at how we can best interact with a narcissist mother-in-law.

    How Do Narcissistic People Act?

    The Mayo Clinic describes narcissistic personality disorder as a “condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.”

    A narcissist will struggle to have deep relationships in their life, family, work, friends. Psychology Today states a narcissist has “a hunger for appreciation or admiration, a desire to be the center of attention, and an expectation of special treatment reflecting perceived higher status.” The severity of the symptoms can vary from person to person but usually involves extreme self-focus, an inflated sense of self, and a strong desire for recognition and praise. A narcissist will have a consistent pattern of these behaviors that impact the relationships of those around them, including you.

    Awareness of this condition will help you better understand your mother-in-law. While you can still have a relationship with her, you must acknowledge and come to terms with the limitations of your relationship. You may need to reorient your expectations to set yourself up for success. Part of this might be grieving the relationship you hoped to have and being more prepared for the journey ahead.

    1. Communicate with Your Spouse about Your Mother-in-Law

    If your mother-in-law is a narcissist, one of the key strategies in managing your relationship with her will be strong, healthy communication with your husband. Your husband will always love his mother, as he should. His actions and words may at times be defensive if you try to call his attention to her grandiose self-importance. When you grow up in an environment, it’s hard to spot negative patterns until someone from the outside points them out to you. Be gentle as you navigate these conversations. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

    If you and your husband are on the same page, it will make for a less stressful situation when dealing with your mother-in-law. If your husband sees her unhealthy patterns and how they impact her relationships, you can work together to deal with the situation as a couple. You can be a team, a united front. If you are not on the same page about your mother-in-law’s narcissism, it will be more challenging but even more critical for you and your husband to communicate on the matter. Discuss how the relationship with her impacts your marriage or family, then consider seeing a Christian counselor together if it’s constantly causing conflict between you.

    Prayer is extremely impactful. If the two of you can pray together for the relationship, this is a beautiful way to bring you closer and turn the problem over to God. Knowing our limitations is a wonderful thing and draws us closer to God.

    2. Set Boundaries with Your Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

    “Made in the image of God, we were created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job, and what isn’t. Workers who continually take on duties that aren’t theirs will eventually burn out. It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t. We can’t do everything. Any confusion of responsibilities and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries” This exert is taken from the Boundaries book by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.

    Understanding boundaries and how they work takes time and practice but is well worth the effort. You must learn where you stop and where someone else begins. Lack of healthy boundaries can impact your work life, your home life, friends, and in this case, your extended family. If your mother-in-law is a narcissist, she probably doesn’t understand, nor respect, healthy boundaries. This means you need to learn about them and how to set them with her. She will resist and get angry when you first implement them. Expect pushback; that is part of the process.

    Learning how to set healthy boundaries with unhealthy people is critical. As discussed above, it’s also extremely important for you and your spouse to be on the same page about the boundaries you are setting individually and for your family. You are allowed to set the invisible property lines in your life, especially for unhealthy individuals. If you are struggling in this area, I highly recommend the Boundaries book so you can research this topic further.

    3. Set Realistic Expectations for Your Relationship with Your Mother-in-Law

    Sometimes we get grandiose ideas of how we are going to change someone. Our intentions are good, and our heart is in the right place; we have just forgotten one key component. It is God who changes hearts and people, not us. We can pray, we have control over our reactions and decisions, but we cannot change someone else. That is up to God.

    While this may sound like disappointing news, it’s actually very freeing. You are not responsible for changing other people. You can love and support them, but the actual change comes from God and them. If they choose not to change their ways or habits, you can’t force them. They must desire change in themselves and make an effort towards that action.

    Research shows that narcissists don’t change unless they want to. They must seek professional help with counseling or turn to God for help. This condition won’t dissolve overnight. Set realistic expectations for you and your spouse; otherwise, you will constantly be frustrated and emotionally exhausted. If you expect your mother-in-law to wake up a different person the next day, this is not setting you up for success. If you expect her to change her selfish ways because you have set a boundary or had a chat with her, you will remain frustrated.

    Most narcissists don’t see their behavior as a problem. Unless she becomes aware of how her narcissism is affecting others and desires to change, you will not see much change.

    4. Know Who You Are Before Dealing with Your Mother-in-Law

    When dealing with a narcissist, or any challenging relationship in your life, it helps to be confident in who you are in Christ. Otherwise, you have a great chance of being manipulated or constantly being on an emotional rollercoaster. Knowing who you are in Christ can help you deal with your narcissist mother-in-law. If your confidence and self-esteem rely on her approval, you will constantly feel inadequate.

    Matthew 22:37 says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Your first and most important relationship should be with the Lord, praising him, loving him, repenting to Him, and learning about Him. “In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:6)

    Proper fear in the Lord brings knowledge. (Proverbs 1:7) Fearing the Lord and not your mother-in-law will help you stay focused on Him. The more you focus on Him, the less you will allow the turbulent waves of your mother-in-law to affect you.

    We often use a saying in our home, “water off a duck’s back.” Let the things other people say that may be hurtful or immature roll off our backs. We mainly use it with our kids, but adults can hear this advice as well. Brant Hansen, in his book Unoffendable, discusses this very topic. We are the ones that lose when we allow others’ comments to penetrate us deeply. We are better off if we can be unoffendable and let things roll off our backs. The healthier we are, the better equipped we are to deal with the unhealthy relationships in our life.

    5. Only God Can Change Your Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

    While this situation may feel all-consuming at times, remember everyone has difficult relationships in their life. The key is to face the challenge head-on, be honest about the issues, and learn how best to respond to each situation that comes your way.

    We have an amazing redeeming God who can create the most beautiful redemption stories. Don’t lose hope but remember the change in your mother-in-law is beyond your doing. Keep focusing on your relationship with God, and He will strengthen you.

    2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

    Katie T. Kennedy lives in Richmond, VA. She is married to a wonderful husband Jonathan and they have three girls. She is a writer, blogger, and employee of the family business. After a mid-life spiritual transformation, she discovered her love of writing. She loves to travel, read, be in nature, cook, and dream.  She would love to connect with you online at www.katietkennedy.com, Instagram or Facebook.

    Katie T. Kennedy

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  • 5 Encouraging Reminders for Dads with Newborns

    5 Encouraging Reminders for Dads with Newborns

    Beyond sleep deprivation and the obvious fatigue of having a newborn, being a dad often comes with other hardships, few dads are ever prepared for or warned about. For example, as a sleep-deprived, stressed-out new dad, who didn’t want to leave his wife and newborn for too long, I took meals where he could get them and rarely found time to exercise, get out, or go to the gym. The result? My body suffered the obvious consequences, which included a fair amount of weight gain. 

    Yes, these changes were temporary, but they could become more permanent unless I made a more conscious effort to eat better, manage my stress, and partner with my wife to ensure we got better sleep and exercise. Thankfully, once we worked together to prioritize our physical health, we both became much healthier and even more energized to take care of our children.

    Furthermore, having other men in my life, especially other dads, to hold me accountable and offer encouragement became essential. It’s not always easy to make time for outside friendships, but fighting isolation and maintaining fellowship with godly men, especially other dads who’ve been there, are there, and who are fighting the same battles as you are, can be life-preserving and sanity-saving.

    Of course, another change that comes with parenting that few men are ever really prepared for involves the lack of physical intimacy following the birth of our children. For obvious reasons, most new moms have very little interest (or even ability) to be physically intimate with their husbands during their recovery and often beyond. And yet, despite the challenges and frustrations of temporary marital abstinence, God calls upon new dads to again “give up themselves” by shifting their focus from their physical desires to the needs of their newborn and wife. 

    Very few times in a marriage will a man have an opportunity to serve his wife like the weeks and months after she gives birth. Furthermore, in the absence of physical intimacy, many new dads will grow in their love for their wives by learning to serve and care for them in different ways when sex is off the table. Here, a season of abstinence becomes another way God challenges and sanctifies new dads.

    Everything with children comes in seasons, and when it comes to the struggles and hardships you are facing right now, they will likely pass and give birth to new ones tomorrow Learn, therefore, to rely on the daily strength, patience, and peace of the Father. If you haven’t figured it out already, you have limits. God, however, does not. So my encouragement to you, new dad, is to enjoy the moments you have with your newborn right now. They may be difficult and uncertain, but our Father, in His love for you, chose you to be a dad to bless you, strengthen you, and introduce you to an aspect of His love as a Father that you can now appreciate more fully as you delight in your love for your child.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Joel Ryan

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  • 6 Prayers for Broken (or Breaking) Relationships

    6 Prayers for Broken (or Breaking) Relationships

    Recently, a woman I’ve known for a while approached me with a topic I have heard several times before from many people. A story all too common today. A story of conflict, one that may end in divorce. She, like so many others, is contending with a difficult relationship. In her mind, the only way out is out.

    While I tried to offer a different perspective, one that doesn’t entertain the thought of divorce or prioritize happiness for self, her mind was focused on escaping the broken relationship if it cannot be fixed.

    Part of me wanted her to see my point of view, but part of me understood. Certainly, we can all relate to a desire to be right, especially when we’ve been wronged. We can all relate to the experience of having conflict with those closest to us.

    We can relate to the feeling of a relationship that is either broken or on its way toward freefall.

    Relatives, past friends, or past lovers. The angst of a broken relationship can sit with us for months, years, if not a lifetime. The fear of losing what we’ve spent time building can haunt us just the same.

    Where are your relationships today? In prosperity? On the verge of utter collapse?

    If, like this woman, you find yourself in a tough place, there’s always one thing you can and should do. Pray. Pray like your relationship depends on it.

    Here are six prayers for broken (or breaking) relationships.

    A Prayer for Guidance

    Lord,

    I come before you now seeking the sort of clarity only you can provide. I’m at a loss. Anger, sadness, and confusion keep me from seeing what’s right. I want to make the next step, but I’m not sure what that next step should be. Conflict has led to division in my life, a division that has brought about more than I expected. More than I think I can handle.

    These days, my relationship doesn’t have the same sense of comfort, trust, or security. I want things to get better, but I also want our problems to get resolved.

    What does that look like? What should I do, and what shouldn’t I do?

    Could you provide me with insight on how to go about fixing this brokenness? Am I able to? Whatever the case, help me to respond to conflict in a way that honors you in this relationship.

    Please, Lord, and thank you. Amen.

    A Prayer for Mutual Understanding

    God,

    Is there anyone more patient, more forgiving, more wise than you? I need help becoming more like you right now. I’ve tried to reconcile, but my efforts have not worked. At least not yet. There seems to be a lack of understanding on both sides. That’s why I’m praying to you, asking for the insight that I lack. Help both of us to see what remains to be seen. Give us clarity where we lack understanding, and may that new insight promote us in a good direction. May that new insight bring us closer to you.

    In your son’s name. Amen.

    God,

    Conflict has done a number on my relationship. Trust is gone. Love is scary. I’m just not sure what the future holds, if anything. I don’t want my relationship to end, but I don’t see a relationship with all this baggage I carry. Please help us to find healing and forgiveness. No matter how difficult that may seem. May that healing and forgiveness be mutual, and may it all serve to honor you.

    Surely, sin has led my relationship to this point, but I also know that you can bring us out, into a better and brighter future.

    Thank you, Lord. Amen.

    A Prayer for Introspection

    Father,

    Oh, how easy it is to fall into the trap of seeing how I have been wronged and not the wrongs I have committed. Even on my best days, when I have thought, reflected, and found some faults, I instinctively leave some out. I naturally focus on what others do to me and not what I do to them. Maybe this is human nature; maybe this will never completely change, but I do know that with your help, I can be better. I can practice better introspection. I can become a person who knows the ways in which I contribute to conflict.

    Where I am doing such in my relationships now, I pray that you would help me to stop. Please, and thank you.

    Amen.

    A Prayer for Reconciliation

    God,

    I hate the feeling. The feeling when a relationship is falling apart, breaking at the seams. That feeling is especially poignant when I’m close to someone, and that’s exactly how I feel right now. The relationship doesn’t have to end, but conflict is preventing any new beginning.

    Help us to reconcile, God. Please don’t let such a mutually meaningful and helpful relationship conclude. Everybody has their differences, and where there are differences, we can form an even better relationship. But first, we have to reconcile.

    With you, Lord, I know we can. Please show us how. Give us the right timing, the right words, and the right motivations.

    In Jesus’ Name, I pray. Amen.

    A Prayer for Hope

    Lord,

    So long as you are a part of the equation, all things are possible. That goes for everything in my life, including my relationships. Especially my relationships. Whether things are great or bitter, Lord, you give me a reason to hope.

    And so I hope right now. I hope for an end to the conflict. I hope for a resolution, for understanding. Lord, my hope is that not only do we grow closer to one another but that we grow closer to you in the process.

    Thank you for being the God you are and showing me that with Christ, all things are possible.

    Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PixelsEffect 

    Aaron D’Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He’s an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”

    Aaron D’Anthony Brown

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  • How to Avoid the Most Common Fights about Money

    How to Avoid the Most Common Fights about Money

    When my wife and I were young newlyweds, we tried to do the right things. We took financial classes at our church, and we attempted to talk about budgets and money at home. But, instead of bringing harmony and consensus, these talks seemed to devolve into arguments–or times of “spirited fellowship” as I’ve heard it described.

    It’s hard for couples to talk about money. A study from Ramsey Solutions – a company started by financial expert Dave Ramsey – found that money is the number one issue that married couples fight about. And furthermore, fights about money are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity.

    Talking about money is not easy, especially if your relationship consists of one saver and one spender. For my wife and I, we aren’t necessarily on opposite ends of the spectrum. Instead, one of us thinks more about our finances than the other. We both make the money, but I handle the finances more, monitoring the accounts and paying the bills. Therefore, it’s on my mind a lot more than it is for my wife. It’s not right or wrong.

    Whatever the situation is in your home, finances bring a unique set of challenges, and we have to be up to the task to meet them head on. We have to know how to avoid the common things that drag us into financial disagreements that cause discord in our marriages.

    Start with a Foundation

    Before approaching this topic of money, it’s important to start with a simple truth. You don’t have money. I don’t have money. Your husband or wife doesn’t have money. It’s all God’s; He’s just trusting us with some of it for a little while.

    “The earth is the LORD’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein” (Psalm 24:1). Everything belongs to God, we are just called to be faithful stewards of what He’s given us. So many arguments come out of the lack of trusting and truly believing in this concept. We fight about money because we are hanging onto it. We clinch our fists around it and want to have autonomy in how it is used. On the contrary, God wants us to have open palms, trusting Him with everything in our lives–including our finances.

    When a husband and wife grasp this concept together, they are prepared to tackle any financial challenge that awaits. They will also be positioned to give back so much more and bless others around them for the glory of God.

    Have the Conversations

    Just because talking about money is hard doesn’t mean we should avoid it. In fact, we should welcome the opportunity to meet it head on. We have to talk about money openly and honestly. We also have to fight the urge we have to be defensive…or in some cases, offensive.

    These money talks are not only times to get on the same page about your finances. They are also times to grow closer to your spouse. It’s an opportunity to get to know each other more intimately–to create shared dreams of your future together.

    According to Ramsey, “those who say they have a ‘great’ marriage are almost twice as likely to talk about money daily or weekly compared to those who say their marriage is ‘okay’ or ‘in crisis.’” Ninety-four percent of respondents to the aforementioned Ramsey survey who say they have a “great” marriage discuss their money dreams with their spouse, compared to only 45 percent of respondents who say their marriage is “okay” or “in crisis.”

    The interpretation is this: a great marriage involves open conversations about money and developing a shared vision of what the financial future should look like.

    Create a Budget or a Roadmap and Stick to it

    Budgets are a critical aspect of managing household finances. But, don’t let the budget run your life. You can keep each other accountable, but don’t be dogmatic about it. Don’t be like I was as a young husband. Early on in our marriage, I was so concerned about tracking our money that sometimes it was the first thing I would ask my wife about when I saw her at the end of the day. Not “Hey Honey, how was your day?” Instead I would ask for her receipts. Rookie mistake.

    It’s critical to have a plan. You have to know how much you are making and spending for the obvious reason: so you don’t spend more than you make and go into debt. But, don’t let a budget dominate your life. A budget is simply a tool you can use to ensure you are being a good steward. It’s a guide that can change with time as your earnings and expenditures evolve. Don’t let the budget itself become the Gospel. If you do, you’ll leave little room for the Spirit to work in your marriage, bringing about the fruits of “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).

    Combine your money

    For our first few years of marriage, we had separate accounts. It just seemed easier to keep on doing things the same way we always had. It’s a hassle to close accounts and change your direct deposits. But, after a little time, I soon discovered the err of my ways. I knew we had to combine our bank accounts as quickly as possible.

    Listen, I realize this is a personal choice. Some couples think that maintaining separate accounts is the ticket to a conflict-free marriage and you won’t have these common fights. It’s the divide and conquer idea, where one person is responsible for some bills and the other is responsible for others. Sounds nice on paper.

    But, I happen to disagree, as does Ramsey. “This lays the groundwork for financial problems as time goes on. Marriage is a partnership. Both parties need to be involved in the finances. Separating the money and splitting the bills is a bad idea that only leads to more money and relationship problems down the road. Don’t keep separate accounts. Put all of your money together and begin to look at it as a whole.”

    I’m a living testament to it. After my wife and I combined our finances, it dramatically reduced my stress level. We each felt more ownership in our budget and we had a clearer picture of how things were going. There was open communication, and we could clearly see together the best way to utilize our budget.

    Arguments and disagreements in marriage are going to happen, and money is likely to be a subject that will bring them to pass. But, if you fix your eyes on Jesus and avoid shying away from meeting your financial challenges head on together, you can make it through.

    Brent Rinehart is a public relations practitioner and freelance writer. He blogs about the amazing things parenting teaches us about life, work, faith and more atwww.apparentstuff.com. You can also follow him on Twitter.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff

    Brent Rinehart

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  • What the Book of Proverbs Has Taught Me About Friendship

    What the Book of Proverbs Has Taught Me About Friendship

    The book of Proverbs is considered one of the wisdom books of the Bible. Full of many wise sayings that can be applied to various situations throughout life, the guidance of the Proverbs teaches us to seek wisdom. Wisdom is personified as a lady. The Lord gives wisdom (Proverbs 2:6, NIV), and He has woven it into the fabric of the universe. Wisdom is available to us, and we are commanded to seek her out. We find wisdom when we revere the One True God. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10, NIV), and the rewards of living a wise life are great. “For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you” (Proverbs 9:11-12, NIV). 

    Proverbs teaches us to seek God’s wisdom, be disciplined, be humble, love others, protect our hearts, work hard, and control our words. There are also numerous sayings about the value of friendship and how to be a good friend. By reading and applying these Proverbs, we can learn how to be a friend and how to choose friends. It is important to note the difference between those we are friendly with and our true friends. While everyone is our neighbor and we should show kindness and mercy to all, friendship is deeper. A friend is someone we trust and love on an intimate level. As we read the Proverbs to learn about what makes a good friend, we must also consider if we are acting out the advice. Am I a good friend? Am I kind? Loyal? Patient? Do I use my words for good? Am I easily angered? How can I use the wisdom found in Proverbs to be a better friend myself?

    Words Matter

    Many of the sayings in Proverbs, whether they are directly about friendship or not, emphasize how much words matter. We know that the way we speak represents who we really are. “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Luke 6:45, NIV). Therefore, the way our friends speak shows us what is happening in their hearts. 

    Words can be helpful. “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24, NIV). Words can be hurtful. “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much” (Proverbs 20:19, NIV). Knowing when to restrain from using words is important. “Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue” (Proverbs 11:12, NIV).

    Encouragement Matters

    In seeking wisdom to guide words, a good friend offers encouragement in our challenging times, which lightens the burden and brings joy. Proverbs 27:9 (NIV) says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice” while Proverbs 12:25 (NIV) tells us that “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.”

    Listening Matters

    There are many Proverbs that guide us on how to use our words for good and not for harm, but listening is perhaps even more important to a friendship. Really hearing what friends are saying and trying to understand opens the door to true relationships and the opportunity for encouragement or guidance as needed. “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions” (Proverbs 18:2, NIV).

    Loyalty Matters

    We may only need a few true, deep friendships in our lives, but loyalty is highly important in those relationships. Backstabbing and unreliability have no place in a friendship. Knowing that you can count on someone to be there when you need them is a sign of a true friendship. In fact, that kind of relationship goes beyond friendship and looks more like family. “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Proverbs 17:17, NIV). “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24, NIV). 

    Trustworthiness Matters

    We should be able to trust our friends with our thoughts and fears and stresses and dreams. When I share something from my heart with a friend, I know that she will hold it with tenderness and not tell others. I trust her to speak truth to me and tell me things that may even be hard to hear. Trust is the backbone of relationships. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:13, NIV). 

    Patience Matters

    Relationships, even the closest of friends, can test our patience at times, but we need to surround ourselves with friends who do not lose their temper easily. Having patient friends not only makes for a more enjoyable experience with them, but it also protects us from joining in negative ways. An easily angered person can quickly pull us into their anger, whereas a patient person bears with us and encourages us to have more patience ourselves. “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared” (Proverbs 22:24-25, NIV).

    Kindness Matters

    Friends are people who can speak the truth while still being kind. What they say may hurt, but it is not mean. A true friend’s kindness and love will not let you continue on a path that is dangerous or sinful. They will be able to humbly listen when you speak truth to them as well. People who are quick to anger do not demonstrate the kindness needed for an honest friendship. “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6, NIV). Kind friends look out for their friends and protect their relationships. “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels” (Proverbs 18:1, NIV). 

    Generosity Matters

    We never want to take advantage of a friend or wear them down, but a generous friend is a good friend to have. Whether she is generous with her time or other resources, she will be refreshing to our souls and will reap a reward herself. “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25. NIV).  

    Lifestyle Matters

    Our friends may not live exactly the same way that we do, but it is important that they are pursuing the path of God’s wisdom alongside us. The more we associate with wise, godly friends, the wiser and godlier we become. Good friends lift up one another in truth and love.  

    “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20, NIV). 

    Friendship Matters

    Ultimately, the Book of Proverbs has taught me that friendship matters to God. We were created to be in relationships with others, and He gives us friends as a blessing in our lives. There are several examples of friendship throughout the Bible- Jesus and His disciples, David and Jonathan, Job and his friends. Friendship is a gift from God and makes us better people. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17, NIV). May God bless your life with good friends, and may you be a good friend to those around you.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

    Megan Moore

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