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Tag: Amanda Idleman

  • 4 Biblical Promises to Cling to for a Struggling Marriage

    4 Biblical Promises to Cling to for a Struggling Marriage

    1 John 4:17 tells us, “And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.” What stands out in this passage is that as we go about our lives, God is perfecting our ability to love! Loving God and loving others is a journey. We are born with a sin nature that steals our ability to love one another with God’s perfect love. Once we invite Jesus into our lives, we begin to learn a new way to live! One marked by abundant grace, radical forgiveness, and constant growth. 

    I’ve been marinating on this truth because the idea that I’ve failed to love my husband well has weighed heavily on me. Guilt and shame have held me in a sort of purgatory. My pride told me that I should be better than I am. I should not fail in these certain sorts of ways, which held me back from accepting God’s grace. The truth is I am a sinner, and the only way I ever love well is when Christ’s love lives through me. Each day I am growing in his perfect love. Falling short is not a failure; it’s a chance to accept God’s grace and grow in a new way. 

    Thanks to God’s goodness, I have the strength to show up in my marriage again. Open my heart even though it’s been hurt and also has done some hurting. I am able to sit in that counseling session another time because we are still on the journey. The love God has given us is still growing more perfect. I haven’t exhausted all my chances because God’s grace still lives on. He is still rooting for us and willing to teach us more about His freedom and forgiveness. His love for us won’t fail; that’s the promise He makes to us all. 

    Have you felt hopeless, wondering if you’ve hurt the one your soul loves too many times? I’ve been there too. I’ve sat stuck in shame that said I’m breaking my home because something is so broken beyond repair in me. But I stayed, even when I wanted to go. I’ve leaned into God’s promises, and hope is replacing the despair that lived inside of me. 

    Here are some promises for your marriage you can cling to when you feel the only hope that your union will remain together is that God will do a miracle! 

    1. Love Covers Sin

    1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Sin breaks things that God designed to stay together. Sin in marriage drives a wedge between your one flesh. It tugs at your heart and sells you the lie that the grass is greener elsewhere. It invites evil photos into your bedroom. It tells you that you’re worth more and should no longer put up with your imperfect partner. It lies and is the killer of love. 

    But God’s love is greater than our sin! God has given us the victory! Sometimes we can see the sin that gets in the way of our love and feel so very defeated. God promises us that his love is greater than our failings. When we invite him into the dark with us, he finds the light switch and turns on the lights. He shows us the way out, a way marked by grace, and radical forgiveness. God promises that his love is able to cover our sins when we both call out for God’s help in our marriages.

    2. By Grace, We Can Approach Jesus

    Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” God invites us to confidently approach his throne of grace! Wow, what an image. His mercy is available to us when we are feeling overwhelmed by our emotional and relational needs; all we have to do is ask for it. 

    God promises to offer us the grace we need when we are in a time of need. Nothing is impossible with Christ! Do not give up hope for your marriage before going to God’s throne of grace and interceding for your relationship. God’s helping spirit is able to do above and beyond all we could think or imagine. 

    3. God Gives Us the Grace to Forgive

    Mark 11:25 says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” To make a marriage work, we have to be willing to offer one million apologies and forgive one million and one times. At times forgiveness and saying sorry again can feel nearly impossible! The weight of the failures we bring to our relationships can get crushingly heavy. Yet, God promises that if we pray and forgive, he also will forgive us. Forgiveness is a great gift He gives us, the chance to try again each day. It’s the tool we use to grow in our love. 

    4. God Walks with Us

    John 15:14-15 says, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” Jesus was called Immanuel, meaning God with us. He told his disciples they were more than his followers or servants; they were his friends. God walks with us on this marriage journey. He strengthens us along the way. 

    When we feel weak, unsure, and out of ideas, God is there with us. In moments I’ve felt out of strength in my marriage, I’ve learned to go to God. To ask him to walk with me and show me his ways. To change our hearts towards one another and heal our hurts. He always shows us the next step forward. 

    When we are struggling, it’s important to seek God and others for wisdom. If you are in an abusive situation, God never desires you to stay. He wants you to find help, health, and safety. We have to trust Him with each season of our lives together. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages 

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • What Is Sleep Divorce and Is it Biblical?

    What Is Sleep Divorce and Is it Biblical?

    Many married American couples envision their marriage bed as a sacred space. It is a place where you can dependably reconnect at the end of the day.

    If it’s not with some conversation, it is just by being snuggled up in the same cozy space as you both drift off to sleep. It’s a place you commit to returning to together no matter how the day went.

    For many, leaving the bed to sleep elsewhere can be a sign of anger, separation, and can undermine your feeling of connectivity in your relationship. Sleeping apart from one another can be seen as the first step taken away from one another when your marriage is facing tension.

    But sometimes, couples just have to because of their life situations.

    Why do we see a growing number of couples opting to sleep in separate beds and sometimes also opting to sleep in separate rooms? According to a 2017 survey from the National Sleep Foundation, almost one in four married couples sleep in separate beds.

    Is sleeping in separate spaces a sign of a relational break or just a pragmatic decision for more individual comfort? Let’s explore the potential consequences of this growing trend.

    What Is Sleep Divorce?

    While the term sleep divorce sounds a little dramatic, the reality is that the term is just referring to a decision some couples make to sleep in separate spaces for the sake of better rest.

    While the trend is growing in popularity now, it is not a new idea. As recent as the 1960’s couples sleeping in separate beds or places was fairly common.

    Over the past 50 plus years sleeping in the same bed became the norm for married couples but researchers are finding that up to 25% of married couples are choosing different arrangements.

    Why Do Couples Choose to Sleep Divorce?

    Sleep divorce may be prompted due to a couple’s differering schedule or inability to rest well in the same bed with your spouse.

    I know firsthand that there are seasons where separated sleep is necessary due to circumstances outside potential marital conflict.

    When we brought each of our babies home there were times when we had to sleep separately in order to facilitate better sleep for each other. I would take the first part of the night with the baby and then sometime in the early hours, my husband would come back upstairs to our room to take the baby downstairs to rest so I had at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

    That was a gracious gift as my Momma body could not fully rest with our loud grunting little nuggets right beside me.

    Some couples may be in a situation where they work opposite schedules. This can make sleeping at the same time in the same bed impossible.

    Many others report factors such as loud snoring, disagreements about lighting, temperature preferences, and other disagreements about comfortable sleeping preferences have led them to opt for separate beds and/or separate rooms.

    Couples select to separate at night for a variety of reasons ranging from practical concerns such as opposite schedules; to those who separate because they cannot agree to be in the same space together any longer.

    Is Sleep Divorce Biblical?

    Sleeping arrangements are mostly a cultural construct and the ways we have chosen to sleep in our homes have changed tremendously over the years due to a necessity or cultural norms of the time.

    The Bible doesn’t offer specific instructions on things like where we should sleep when we are married but it does give us a lot of other advice for our marriages that we can draw on to help us navigate these sorts of decisions.

    Ephesians 5 outlines many principles that can guide us in our marriages. It advises that we keep away from any sexual immorality, that we show each other love and respect, that we cherish one another, and that we serve each other. Let these be the standards that you judge your decisions by.

    All of our decisions should be born of a desire to love one another as Christ would.

    That means if sleeping together, even if it means less than stellar sleep, can be important to showing one another love. On the other hand, giving each other the freedom to rest without interruption can be an amazing gift of service and love to your spouse (particularly if you have a newborn).

    Let love and open communication guide you and you can’t go wrong.

    Before You Decide, Check Your Motives

    Is choosing to opt for a so-called “sleep divorce” bad for your marriage?

    Honestly, this is a hard question to answer because relationship and family circumstances vary so greatly!

    Many couples are making these kinds of choices for purely practical reasons such as taking turns tending to a newborn or working opposite shifts, while for others the decision to separate at night may be a worrisome signal that things are decaying in your relationship. 

    Determining the line between “I need to sleep alone for the sake of getting better rest” and “I don’t want to be in the same space as you” can get fuzzy.

    When dealing with circumstances that lead to the need to rest separately, clear communication and intentional times of connection have to be even more of a priority because you are missing out on a built-in time of shared space that a common bed allows for. 

    Sophie Jacobi-Parisi, a New York attorney at Warshaw Burstein, who practices matrimonial and family law, said that “couples that choose to sleep separately but don’t have a conversation around why they are making the change, it can be another step in the path toward divorce.”

    She makes the point that there can be many practical reasons as to why separate sleeping arrangements may be beneficial but if we are not clear in our communication with one another as to why we are making these types of decisions this can be one step closer to separation or divorce.

    The bottom line is that the decision to sleep separately is one that should not be taken lightly.

    If there is a real need for this arrangement, communication with one another surrounding this decision is very important to make sure that it is not a choice to step away from your commitment to your marriage.

    Every step we take away from our spouses, be it physically or emotionally, has the potential for negative long-term consequences. Wisdom invites us to weigh these types of decisions carefully.

    How to Keep a Healthy Marriage While Sleeping Separately

    If you are in a season of life where it feels impossible or disruptive to each other’s rest to sleep in the same bed there are a few ways to make sure you get through this season well.

    1. Identify the sleep issue and determine the best way to remedy it.

    For example, if opposite schedules mean you can’t go to bed together, then identify ways you are going to take time to rest together. There is something special about spending time resting together.

    While many think best sleep comes alone, there is research that shows that sharing a bed actually leads to better sleep. Potential benefits include falling to sleep faster, lowered blood pressure, a boosted immune system, helps curb anxiety, and even can slow down aging!

    If you are trading off dealing with children, one suggestion would be to do this switch during the week but reserve the weekends to still sleep in the same bed together. Another idea is to spend time together in bed catching up and snuggling before separating to your posts to get some rest.

    If separating is due to snoring, a health concern, or another issue, make sure you are thorough in discussing how to make sure you both know that the decision to sleep separately is not a decision to live separately.

    While it is easy to see the practical need for rest it is important to care and nurture each other’s feelings.

    Find ways to express your desire to remain near one another in life even if your circumstances prohibit being together in the night hours.

    2. Revisit your sleep arrangements frequently.

    No decision like this should be permanent. Just because something works well or is necessary for one season does not mean it is good for all seasons.

    Choosing to come back together to the same bed, even if it means lost sleep, is 100% worth it if it is going to bring your marriage closer together again.

    We sacrifice sleep for so many other causes: our children, video games, binge-watching TV, and even work. It is reasonable to expect to have to sacrifice some sleep for the sake of your marriage.

    Be wary of a temporary season of sleep separation becoming permanent. This could be a sign of a growing disconnect in your relationship.

    Once that baby is sleeping then you should return to sleeping in your same bed or at least should be talking about what new arrangement would work best for both of you.

    When your situation changes, it is important not to ignore the conversation around sleep arrangements. This can lead to resentment and false assumptions being made by each of you.

    3. Be mindful of how your sex life is affected by your sleep arrangements.

    One very practical reason to sleep in the same bed is that you are in the same place at the same time alone, giving you the chance to be intimate with one another.

    If I just fall asleep on the couch before going to bed, there is a much lower chance I am going to be up for getting intimate with my husband. If you are parents, practically you need the late hours of the night to be able to have the privacy required to have intercourse.

    Separate beds or separate rooms can become barriers to having access to one another sexually.

    This of course does not have to be the case. If you are mindful of each other’s needs and make it a point to be available to one another at other times of the day or are willing to travel across beds or even rooms to be intimate, then it is possible to keep a thriving sex life under this arrangement.

    Nonetheless, we know that a sexless marriage can be one factor that leads to divorce. Keep tabs on if your sleeping arrangement is affecting your sex life is a good way to determine if something is amiss in your relationship.

    Loving your spouse well often means sacrifice.

    Depending on your circumstances that sacrifice may look like buying ear plugs so you can remain close in the night to your chainsaw snoring spouse. It can also look like giving up your side of the bed so your baby and Momma have a safe space to rest together during those harrowing early months of life.

    If we want our marriages to thrive we have to be careful to be taking steps closer to one another, showing each other love and consideration in our every decision.

    Let that be your guide on how you navigate rest as you share your lives with one another.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • How My Husband and I Restored Emotional Trust in Our Marriage

    How My Husband and I Restored Emotional Trust in Our Marriage

    My husband and I reluctantly entered the room with our new marriage counselor. We were both anxious about the upcoming conversations and hopeful that bringing an outsider into our relationship. The session started with a comprehensive family history, which revealed our parents had remained married, thankfully upping our chances of overcoming the issues that we faced in our union. Yes!

    Next, our counselor asked if we had experienced any major breaks in trust. He asked about sexual promiscuity, pornography, financial trust, affairs, and other lies that may have undermined the foundation of trust between us. We answered these questions honestly, revealing that none of these obvious violations had taken place between us. He cheerfully reported the odds of our success looked good! We left feeling encouraged. 

    We stayed faithful to our counseling sessions and made some progress toward healing. We soon felt we were doing well enough to step back from attending these sessions. Fast forward a few years, and the issues between us had grown. We felt more lost and hopeless in our relationship than ever before. 

    We have since resumed counseling a second time with a new therapist and have found the healing that had eluded us the first go around. In retrospect, I realized that the reason why the first time didn’t “take” for us is that the questions about trust overlooked one major area where trust is vital in marriage. Emotional trust had been lost between us. 

    I’d venture to say that one of the primary marriage killers is when emotional trust is broken. This can be harder to spot, understand, and manage because it’s much more subtle than the traditional big breaks we know bring marriages to an end. 

    It starts when we go to our partner with a need, a want, a failure, a desire, and we are rejected many times over. Eventually, what happens is we start building walls that keep us insulated from our spouse. We no longer trust each other with the important stuff. 

    Our Story 

    In our home, it got so bad that I was nervous to ask my husband to do small tasks, such as passing me a fork. I was worried that any request could be used against me, but I wouldn’t know until I asked for something more taxing, such as emotional support for the stress I was feeling as a mom. Then, the way I asked for a fork the day earlier would be ammunition as to why I was either chronically at fault, I was failing as a wife, and ultimately, as a reason not to show me love and support when I needed it. I would grow more hurt and distraught, confirming my husband’s feelings that I was “crazy,” too emotional, unreasonable, unsafe, and all around not worth it. 

    This kind of cycle of distrust, bitterness, disunity, and unhealthy communication grows unbearable over time. Though we were deeply committed to our marriage, the lack of emotional trust had corroded any goodwill that we were clinging to in our marriage. At the end of our 15th year of marriage, I told my husband with utter honesty that I no longer believed he loved me. He liked the idea of me; he appreciated my ability to run a house well, take care of our kids, and generally support him. Yet, me, as the one he declared to have and to hold until death, the one he nervously got on one knee to propose to, the one that he shared so many firsts with, that me he had lost sight of and only worked to guard himself against in the present moment. 

    Long story short, we were at a crisis point. Our commitment to marriage was about convenience, kids, and expediency. Emotional intimacy was a pipe dream that neither of us understood how to realize. 

    You, like me, are probably starting to feel hopeless. I was without hope. I asked my husband to leave because I honestly believed I was only making him miserable. His refusal to leave felt like more of a punishment than a commitment to love me. I was so burdened by the role of ‘failing wife’ that I wished for separation more than I hoped for change. But God. 

    God is the defining difference in being able to overcome a truly dark cycle of bitterness. Without our mutual, separate, yet unified decisions to give up all our own efforts and instead cry out to God to heal the things we could not change on our own, our marriage would still be on the fast track to destruction. We had done everything we could over the prior 15 years to manage our own broken tendencies, but the one thing we were unable to achieve on our own was true repentance and forgiveness.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages 

    The Steps Towards Repentance 

    This is the part of the story where wonder and mystery intersect with practical work and effort. God does this crazy thing where he changes us completely in ways we can’t quite quantify while also telling us to use wisdom to partner with his life-changing Spirit. We did the thing we knew to do, which was go back to counseling. My husband went a step further and found his own personal counselor and did some extra work on his own to discover where the tension and closed-offness had originated in his life. 

    Not all men are the same, but I know in our case, things had got so tense between us that he honestly could not hear me anymore. The more I worked to explain, the more disdain for me grew in his heart, and I could feel it. He needed someone else to talk to that he could trust, and that would feel safe for him to really explore all that he was struggling with. I believe his individual counseling from a Spirit-filled man helped lead him toward repentance. 

    In the meantime, all I could do was let go. I had to let go of a cloud of ugly words that had been exchanged between us. I had to ask God to allow me to forgive myself. I had been weaker, less able, meaner, more frail of a wife than I ever imagined I would be. The weight of guilt I felt for being anxious, depressed, needy, naggy, or whatever the word was that filled my head that day became crushing. 

    I needed God to help me to forgive my husband. He had not loved me well when I needed support. He had no idea how to let me into his life; he had never learned. From a young age he learned how to build strong emotional walls that kept him safe from sadness and all other unpleasant feelings. Then came a woman filled with empathy, looking for support. As soon as my emotions came out, his walls went up. It was a recipe for hurt that played out many times over fifteen years of marriage. Only Jesus has the power to re-write those kinds of broken stories. 

    I asked God to change the way I saw my husband. I wanted God’s eyes for this man I had committed to love. I still pray that he would help me see the things that sometimes bother me as a blessing. We are different, which sometimes makes being together tricky, but our differences don’t make us wrong; they just require us to be a little more patient sometimes. I had grown quite impatient with my husband. I started being more open with our village. We needed more than ourselves to climb out of this pit. I showed up at counseling again. I asked God to help him hear me and see me because that was the thing that had been lost between us over time.

    We also began praying together each night. 

    The Miracle

    Somewhere over the course of the last year, which happened to also be a very stressful year for us, God started changing us, and the reason I know repentance and forgiveness are covering us is that I can feel the fruits of the spirit at work between us again. I have peace while in the room with my husband again. I can trust that he will do all he can to be self-controlled when it comes to his reactions to my needs. Joy can be shared between us when we are alone together. These are the markers of a trustworthy change. Freedom from a dark cycle of painful interactions is rising up in our marriage! God is gracious. 

    The Takeaway 

    I share this first to let you know that if you and your spouse are in that dark corner of hopelessness for your marriage and you are safe from abuse, desiring to find a path towards repentance, God is able. 

    You have to be willing to give up your every right and let God give you his eyes of love for your spouse. There is no easy, painless road to repentance when years of discord have resulted in the place you are now. You have to confront the ugly and then patiently hand it over to Jesus. Trusting him to give you a new way of being. 

    Here is a reminder as your journey towards freedom in marriage is that we are not the Savior of our partner. An important step in my going to God was also giving the outcome to him. No part of me was able to change my husband to be the man I needed him to be. I knew if we could not get off our ugly roller coaster, one of us would have to get off alone at some point. I had to trust God if that was the outcome, too. 

    Marriage was not made to be a cage that traps us, but it’s a fireplace that keeps our passion, love, and families safe. Freedom from an unhealthy relationship can look like repentance, and sometimes it looks like separation. God is with us on either journey, and both are hard. Wherever you are I pray that God would do immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine on your behalf (Ephesians 3:20). He is able!

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards 

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • Can Christians Attend a Same-Sex Couple’s Baby Shower?

    Can Christians Attend a Same-Sex Couple’s Baby Shower?


    As same-sex marriage has become more prolific and socially acceptable, there is a growing number of same-sex parents. Personally, I’ve interacted with same-sex foster parents who also attend the same church as I do. My son’s friend on his soccer team has two very kind moms. I have neighbors who are same-sex parents to children in my community. We can no longer assume that just because a child is involved, both a man and a woman are in the picture when it comes to parenting. 

    As our society continues changing the rules around what constitutes a family, we must carefully consider how we should respond as believers. We know that God’s Word clearly states that God’s best for marriage and family is for one man and woman to come together. Yet, hard black-and-white lines don’t work when talking about people you love. Additionally, their child has no say in the family they are brought into, and surely they need all the love they can get as everyone needs a strong village in order to parent well. 

    How do we hold onto the truth of God’s Word while also being agents of God’s light and love? 

    It’s not easy, that’s for sure! 

    The Church Is Struggling 

    Right now, the Church is struggling along with many believers with how to navigate the great changes we see in our culture when it comes to sexuality, gender identity, marriage, and more! So much of the Church has swung to one extreme or the next on this issue. We are witnessing a large part of the Church making a choice to let go of a historically consistent view of Christian marriage and begin to believe in a boundaryless love. 

    This goes against all that God teaches in the Bible. God’s love is full of boundaries. Obedience is a part of the Christian life because we are broken creatures following a holy God. We need his guidance in order to live our best lives. God gives clear guidance on a myriad of issues, not just sexuality, because God is personally invested in our well-being. Him loving us looks like him gently leading us towards his truth, righteousness, and holiness. 

    Other parts of the church have embraced harsh and hurtful language around this issue. Their lack of understanding and compassion has left many who struggle with same-sex attraction or their gender identity hurt and alone. They forget that God has and can use all manner of broken and sinful people. He is the ultimate judge of our souls, not us! We can trust God to lead his people to repentance and freedom in his own time and way.

    Wisdom Is Needed in Every Situation 

    As a culture and as the Church, we’ve lost the ability to see the nuances of how God loves each of us, even though none of us can live up to the full standard of his holiness. Our tendency in today’s ‘cancel culture’ is to draw battle lines around things that appear wrong or we don’t understand. 

    Jesus shows us a radical alternative way of navigating our sin. 

    He asks who is sinless among us. Only they have the ability to justly throw stones! (John 8:7-11) Then Jesus, the only one with the right to judge us, goes to the person stuck in sin and gives them the chance to follow him. They have the chance to leave their life of sin and pain!

    It’s our job to be Jesus to our lost friends. To encourage those who know God but continue to struggle with sin. We need to remain faithful to the standards God gives us for living in the Bible. We must also ask God to help show us how to love well. When sin exists, wisdom is necessary in each and every situation. We need God to show us how to walk alongside others that we love prayerfully, sharing truth with them in a loving way. Thankfully, James 1:5 tells us that anytime we need wisdom, God gives it. 

    There are a few things we can consider as we seek wisdom on how to approach this kind of situation: 

    -If the couple are unbelievers, they are not held to the same standard of the Bible, so extra grace should be dispensed. 

    -Will declining to attend harm the relationship with this family? 

    -Will this declining detract from your ability to show them God’s love? 

    -Is there another way to show the child-to-be love without participating in the baby shower? 

    -What is God saying to you about this situation and how to navigate it well? 

    -Does this couple have enough of a relationship with you to know that you believe in a historically consistent biblical view of marriage and sexuality? Will attending communicate that you have abdicated your convictions or show them that you can love them this way because Jesus always loves them? 

    Thinking through these factors can help you to determine how to balance grace and truth in this situation. Sadly, there is no one-fits-all answer to these questions. We need God’s leading Spirit to help us know what he is calling us to do in our relationships. 

    Baby Showers Differ From Weddings 

    A baby shower is different from a wedding in that every child is a gift from God. This sort of celebration is designed to joyfully support the arrival of a new person whom God has a special plan for. While we may understand that same-sex relationships are not God’s best, we are called to nurture and love every child. Even if we do not feel called to participate in the baby shower, we should find a way to love this family and their child. 

    When the couple that fosters in my community had their first placement, I brought them bags of things to help them care for their kids. I delivered a gift card for dinner and wrote notes of encouragement for them and the children in their care. This wasn’t a baby shower, but it was a way to say you are not alone in this job of loving a child. Caring for kids is hard work, no matter what your family looks like. When we don’t walk alongside other families, kids are the ones who suffer the consequences.

    Related:

    8 Things You Should Know about Gay Marriage

    Should You Attend a Gay Wedding?

    How Should I Respond to My Homosexual Friends and Family?

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Anchily

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.





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  • 7 Prayers to Lift Up Your Husband

    7 Prayers to Lift Up Your Husband

    One of the most powerful ways we can fight for our marriages is by praying over them! Our husbands need our support not only as their warrior-helpers in our homes as we navigate our daily lives, but they also need us on their side when it comes to spiritual matters. The Bible tells us that our prayers are powerful and effective! God hears us and if we want to see our families thrive, we need to keep them lifted up in prayer to the Lord.

    John 15:7 says, “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” What dreams do we have for our marriages? Write them down and then bring them to God in prayer. Do we wish to grow old with our husbands? Do we need God’s help to overcome constant conflict that easily bubbles to the surface in our relationships? Is a miracle necessary to help us overcome broken promises?

    Nothing is impossible with God! God is able to heal our brokenness when we are willing to surrender our lives over to him. Even if we aren’t struggling, we need God’s help to stay the course for a lifetime! Let’s commit to lifting our husbands in prayer to God daily. One thing is certain, we need God’s help to love each other well.

    Here are a few prayers to get you started, as you take time to lift your husband up in prayer:

    1. A Prayer That Your Husband’s Relationship with God Would Grow

    The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15)

    Father, I pray that my husband will have an intimate relationship with you! Let him live secure in his identity as a child of God. Graciously remind him that his sins are forgiven and that you have adopted him as your own. Thank you for loving him. Amen.

    2. A Prayer That God’s Agenda Would Come First in Your Husband’s Life

    He will always give you all you need from day to day if you will make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. (Luke 12:31-33)

    God, I ask that you direct the path and steps of my husband. I pray that he would be obedient to your will for his life and would allow your agenda to come first in his life! Remind him that when we follow you, we don’t have to worry! You will provide all that we need for our lives when we make Kingdom living our primary pursuit. Lead him with clarity and guide him as he makes decisions. Have your way in his life and help me to be a good partner to him. Amen.

    3. A Prayer for God’s Blessings on Your Husband’s Life

    Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request. (1 Chronicles 4:10)

    Father, I pray that You would bless my husband with more than he needs so he can bless others. I ask for more provision for his life. That you would equip him to give generously to others and meet their practical needs in Your Name. Give him greater spiritual gifting so that he can strengthen the church and can be more effective in the Kingdom of God. I ask that you would grant him an abundance of wisdom and discernment so he can point others to You. Help him to live with gratitude for all the many ways you have blessed his life. Allow him to stay focused on using what You’ve given him to serve others. Amen.

    4. A Prayer of Protection for Your Husband

    But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. (2 Thessalonians 3:3)

    God, as my husband walks out the purpose that You have ordained for his life I pray that You would stop any and every evil attack of the enemy against him. Protect his body, mind, emotions. Don’t let the enemy get a foothold in his life. I trust that the One that lives in him is greater than the one who is in the world, so we do not have to live in fear. I thank you for your protection in his life and in our home. Amen.

    5. A Prayer for Your Husband to Grow in Wisdom

    If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)

    God, I pray that my husband will grow in wisdom. Give him the strength to follow you first in a world that may not understand God’s way. Speak to his heart about what the wise next right step is for his life and for the future of our family. Help him to see past the distractions that are thrown at us and be able to follow your narrow way. Silence the voices of confusion, discouragement, distraction, or temptation that would want to entrap him in folly. Help him to trust you and follow you for all of his days. Amen.

    6. A Prayer of Thanks for Your Husband

    Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:20)

    God, I thank you for the gift of marriage that you have given me! I am so thankful that you have given me a partner who is committed to walk alongside me in this life. I thank you for my husband’s many unique talents, the many ways he serves me and our family, and the love that he offers me as his wife. I pray that you would help me to remain joyful in our marriage, appreciating the union that God has placed me in. Stop me from allowing comparison, bitterness, busyness, or selfishness get in the way of me enjoying the man God has given me to love for all of my days. I thank you for our home, our love, and the life you have given us to share. Amen.

    7. A Prayer for My Husband to Live Joyfully

    Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. (Philippians 4:4)

    Lord, I ask that you would help my husband to find joy in this season of his life. I pray that even in the midst of trials, stress, uncertainty, chaos, pain, loss, and hurt that your joy would be present in his life. Would he have a full and unwavering understanding of the joy of salvation. Would the fruits of the spirit be visible in the way he lives his life. Equip him with your joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control so he would be a blessing to others. Strengthen him with your joy in the good seasons and the bad seasons. Amen.

    Romans 8:31 says, “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” When God is on our side, no challenge that life brings our way is too big for us to handle. Our marriages take three entities to thrive: a husband, wife, and the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us!

    Truly, there is no way I would still be married without God’s grace at work in our life! If it was up to me I would be hopelessly overcome by my own failures and sin. God’s goodness has carried us through the past 14 years and it is the only hope we have to make it together for a lifetime. Seek God for your spouse in every season. When God is invited into our lives, we can have hope even in the bleaker seasons.

    Photo Credit: © Getty Images/Goran13 

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

    This article is part of our Prayer resource meant to inspire and encourage your prayer life when you face uncertain times. Visit our most popular prayers if you are wondering how to pray or what to pray. Remember, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, and God knows your heart even if you can’t find the words to pray.

    Serenity Prayer
    The Lord’s Prayer
    Prayer for Peace
    Morning Prayers
    Good Night Prayers

    Prayer for Healing
    Prayer for Protection
    Prayer for God’s Help
    Prayer for Anxiety
    Prayer for Strength

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • Can You Still Be an Encouragement to Your Adult Children?

    Can You Still Be an Encouragement to Your Adult Children?

    Early in motherhood someone reminded me that I will spend more of my life as a mother to adults than to the young children that are in my care. In the land of parenthood, time really does fly!

    The question then, is what do we do as parents with all those adult years? Does our influence go out the door once we become empty nesters?

    The struggle with accepting this new stage of life can be summed up in this quote:

    “A mother’s job is to teach her children not to need her anymore. The hardest part of that job is accepting success.” Isn’t that so true?

    I know in my experience the influence of my parents, particularly my mom, has only grown as I myself am now navigating adulthood. We never stop needing our parents.

    But if there does not exist a complete step-by-step handbook to parenting young kids, there certainly does not exist one on parenting adult children. The waters get murkier as you both learn to traverse a hopefully close-but-somehow-independent relationship. Although your children no longer need you to make decisions for them, your support and guidance is still very much needed.

    What are some ways parents still act as encouragements and rally behind adult children?  Here are a few ideas to get you started:

    1. Let Them Go

    To “let go” may sound counter-intuitive when the goal is to still be involved, but somehow, it’s just the way it works. Most young adult/late teenager needs to feel like they have the space to make their own way in the world. 

    If you hover over their every choice, giving unsolicited advice it’s very likely they will distance themselves from you. In Genesis 2:24 God lets us know that there will be a time that every grown up has to leave their home and set out on their own. 

    In my own life, my mother and father did this particularly well. I decided to attend college far from home and get married during my THIRD year as a college student at twenty years old. 

    Somehow, they dropped me off at a campus 11 hours away from their home and smiled and hugged me. They offered their unwavering support for my decision to finish college quickly and marry my high school sweetheart. Truly, we would have had to get married at the Courthouse in borrowed clothes without them. They gifted us a beautiful, love-filled wedding. 

    Their willingness to “let me go” and support me when my dreams took me far from home showed me that I could wholeheartedly trust that they were on my side as a budding adult. 

    Many years have passed since then and while we haven’t always agreed, I’ve never not had a close relationship with my parents. Thankfully now they live 10 minutes down the road but when they said goodbye to me as a freshman in a state far from home, they had no guarantees that our homes would be close again. 

    It took trust, love, and a whole lot of faith to be supportive during those early years.

    The call to pray for your kids does not stop once they leave the home!  If anything, the day they move out may be the day you amp up those prayers more than ever before.  Adulting is HARD.  No matter what age your children are, they need the guidance and support of the Holy Spirit in their life. Your prayers invite that power to be alive and active in their daily life, whether they know it or not. 

    If you aren’t sure what to pray or how to pray for them, start by praying scripture over them.  Pray Philippians 4:7 over them that God’s amazing peace will guard their hearts and minds.  Psalm 5:12 asks God to surround them with his shield of love. Psalm 27:13 invites God to show them His goodness in the land of the living. 

    Anytime you come across a verse that encourages your heart, convert it to a prayer for your children. 

    3. Speak the Truth to Them with Love

    One great thing about being a parent is that you know your children better than anyone else!  You know how their personality works, their history, about past hang-ups, and even about the dreams they hold dearest to their hearts. You have the power to see right into their heads when life gets more challenging. 

    Don’t shy away from speaking truth to them when they need someone who truly knows them to remind them of it.

    Approach them with tenderness and let them know that you see them.  Even if they don’t respond positively in the moment, the reality is we all want to be seen, no matter how old we get! This is not a moment to press or fuss, but just to remind them of what you know to be true for them. Communicate that you know them, you see their struggles, and are 100% behind them. 

    4. Be Available to Spend Time Together

    Life never gets easy. We think that in each new phase of life brings, we suddenly will get a whole new lease on available free time. That’s just not true! It’s just as easy to fill up your calendar as an empty-nester as a young Mom.  Prioritizing family time looks different once everyone is out on their own but it’s still essential.  Carve out time for family dinners or sneak a trip to give your kids a surprise visit, just to be with them. 

    Now that I am an adult the best gift my parents give me is their presence. I am just thankful to be with them. I love getting to learn about who they are as adults, hear their take on life, and to get to make memories in this stage of life.  Encouragement can be as simple as an unexpected free lunch from Mom and Dad or as exciting as a weekend together doing something out of the norm. Your time and devotion is the best gift you can give your kids.

    5. Let Them Know You Are Proud of Them

    Words of affirmation are vital in being an encouraging force in the lives of others.  You remember when your kids were little and the praise flowed freely?  Every tiny accomplishment is accompanied by praise.  It’s not necessary to take it that far but tap into the cheerleader you once were and speak life into your adult children’s lives. 

    Let them know you still see their efforts, talents, skills, and believe in them. No matter their stage of life, go out of your way to show them the ways you see them thriving.  This will mean so much to lift their spirits if they are in a season where they feel lost.  Even if they are doing well for most of us a huge measure of our success in life is knowing that our parents are proud of us.

    6. When You Have the Chance, Invest in Them

    We all have different resources at our disposal.  Some of us have access to money, others have connections, some us come with special skills, and no matter what everyone has something we can offer our children.  If nothing else our kids at every age need our love. 

    When you have the chance, use what you have, to invest in your adult children. 

    Life doesn’t come with many lucky breaks but having an invested parent in your life may beat out all the luck this world has to offer in giving you a leg up.  When a door is open for you child to learn, grow, or succeed give them your blessing to go boldly forward.  When we life feels risky, the support of your tribe can be all the encouragement you need to take that next scary step.

    7. Be Honest and Open about the Lessons You Have Learned in Life

    Age equals experience. Your kids can benefit from access to the wisdom you have acquired over your lifetime.  Be open about the lessons you have learned both by avoiding trouble through right choices and maybe the things you have learned the “hard way” too. 

    This transparency allows your kids to feel like you are an accessible resource they can go to when they need direction and encouragement.  If you keep an open conversation with your kids about your choices and lifestyle, they won’t feel awkward approaching you when they have questions.   

    They may not always do what you say but it’s encouraging just knowing you are open to those deeper conversations when we face life’s harder decisions.

    8. Remember Your Kids Aren’t You

    It’s the age old story where the parents have one idea about the life their children should live, then their kids hit adulthood, and decide to take a different path. I mean this is the plot of so many movies.  It begs the question, why does our culture keep telling this story? We tell it because rings true for so many of us!

    We grow up and decide to take our own paths and follow our unique passions. 

    Rather than being the parent in the story that “has to come around” keep your place as encourager intact and let go of a dream that was never meant to come true.  From the birth of our kids they are not our own. Their stories are not ours to control.  God chooses us as stewards to care for his creation.  When it’s time for them to be grown ups; it’s our time to hand them, their choices, and their story back to God. 

    Titus 2:4 encourages us to love our children.  The best way to continue to encourage your adult children is to continue to show them love at every turn.  Speak loving truth into their lives, pray God’s truth over them, be their cheerleader when they need it, and be present when the opportunity to spend time together comes around. 

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes about all things motherhood for Richmond Macaroni Kid, creates devotions for the Daily Bible Devotions App, she has work published with Her View from Home, is contributing to a couples devotional for Crosswalk, and is a regular contributor for the marriage/family/homeschool/parenting channels on Crosswalk.com. You can find out more about Amanda at rvahouseofjoy.com or follow her on Instagram at rvahouseofjoy.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

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  • 7 Ways to Respect Your Adult Children

    7 Ways to Respect Your Adult Children

    Life never stays still. As parents, it seems our kids change daily. Just as soon as we wrap our heads around potty training, Kindergarten sneaks up on us. In what feels like a blink of an eye, we are attending their 5th-grade graduation. The following years of Middle and High School, we see our children transform before our eyes. They go from children to full-grown adults and quickly get ready to launch out into the great big world! It’s the thing we, as parents, spend countless hours praying and preparing for. From infancy to 18, we are shepherding our kids’ hearts relentlessly so they are ready to be a light in this world.

    Just like that, they are no longer our “babies”; they are adults we can pray for, advise, and encourage but no longer take the role as you did when they were growing under the same roof. This seemingly overnight change can be hard to keep up with, but we have to prepare our hearts to let go in many ways in order for our relationships to make the metamorphosis into one of adults who respect and care for each other.

    What makes this tricky is that our kids don’t always launch into adulthood the way we’d hoped. We have invested so much into these people it can be heart-wrenching to see them live out their own life detours. Just as when they are small, we want to make it all okay for them. We have to remember they are God’s, not ours, and life’s best lessons are often learned through failure, not just success. Trusting God as you allow your kid’s space sometimes to stumble and other times thrive is an important skill to learn. Here is what some of that can look like for us parents:

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  • 8 Ways to Make Your Wife Feel Seen and Appreciated

    8 Ways to Make Your Wife Feel Seen and Appreciated

    Feeling seen is a universal human need. We all desire connection, purpose, and to be known. Marriage is one of the primary places we long to be noticed. I don’t think that wanting to be wanted by your partner ever stops. We all want our love to keep going and growing. Yet, staying present and engaged with our spouse can feel tough as life becomes more full. Marriage tends to get pushed down the mental list of things we attend to as our plates get heavier with jobs, kids, hobbies, obligations, and more!

    As Christ-followers, married couples are called to love and respect one another (Ephesians 5:33). That requires a level of uncommon intentionality in our marriages. We have to fight to keep our lover, partner, friend, and spouse at the top of the growing priority list. Sometimes what is even more challenging than prioritizing each other is forgiving each other. As the years add up, so can offenses. Even the most innocent miscommunication can sow seeds of distrust over time. We have to be radically willing to keep open and forgiving hearts toward our spouses. This commitment to grace is the best way to feel seen by each other. The second our walls go up, the ability to love each other for who we are, imperfections, and all is impeded.

    Practically being there for each other is the best way to appreciate each other. Here are a few simple ways you can be present for your wife so she feels seen and appreciated:

    1. Make Time to Be Together

    Wives often carry a lot of the burden of planning for our families. We coordinate our kids’ school schedules, sports, our work demands, and then if we have time, we often are the ones tasked with carving out time for our marriage too. Take some of this off her plate and plan time for you to be together. This can be as simple as putting the kids to bed early so you have some quality evening hangout time available or as elaborate as planning a trip away together! Showing her that you want to be together to make memories and connect shows her that she matters to you.

    2. Pray with Her

    So many things come up in our lives that feel heavy! Help her carry the burdens you see weighing her down by coming alongside her in prayer. Take time to actually stop and pray aloud with her so she can hear you call out to God on her behalf. This step of spiritual leadership for your marriage will be praised, and she will know you see her heart and doing your part to care for it.

    3. Invest in Her

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Invest thought into making her feel special! This could be a special gift that you know she will love, a note that expresses your affection for her, or an act of service that makes her day a little easier. Serving her by knowing her and then responding with things you know she will love is one of the most magical ways to make your wife feel seen and appreciated.

    4. Listen to Her

    Lots of us women like to talk! We want to explore all our feelings and share them, at least with the people that are closest to us. Husbands, it’s your job to hear her. Hear when she’s upset, listen when she expresses a need for help, and encourage her when she feels defeated. Make space for her and just be willing to listen when she needs you. You don’t have to fix things; you just have to be with her while she processes everything.

    5. Appreciate Her

    Husband kissing wifes head

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages

    Each one of us has unique gifts and callings. Take the time to know what your wife does best and praise her for her work. If she is an amazing leader at work, affirm that gift in her. If she is serving your family at home, let her know her efforts matter to you. When you see her invest in her friends or church, let her know that she is making a difference. You are called to be her cheerleader! Praise her as God uses her daily to bless others.

    6. Forgive Her

    Sometimes we can become jaded towards each other. We have to break down the walls of hurt and choose to see each other with God’s heart of love. Your spouse will never love you perfectly but she is perfectly loved by God. You are called to forgive and cherish her at her best and worst. Don’t hold her failures against her. Offer her grace when you could justify bitterness. This is the best gift you could ever give her!

    7. Serve Her

    cute couple husband bringing wife breakfast in bed sick

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Ultimately one of the main ways marriage refines us is that it gives us daily practice in putting the needs of others in front of our own. We are called to “serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13) as believers. Marriage is one of the primary places we get the opportunity to offer our service. Notice this is loving service, not eye-rolling, or I’ll get to it when I can service. We should be eager to be at our wife’s side, helping her manage our homes and shared lives together. If there are dishes in the sink, start washing them. If there are diapers to be changed, grab the wipes and wrangle those littles onto the floor. Be present and willing to get the crew settled in when bedtime comes around. If there are meals to be prepped, cleaned, or planned, ask how to help. Don’t just assume that she’s got it. Be willing to see and serve her every day.

    8. Share with Her

    Interestingly appreciating someone does not just look like being selfless. Sometimes our own seemingly “selfish” reliance on another helps them know they are trusted and loved. Often men struggle to articulate how they are feeling. They may not want to “burden” their wives with their struggles, but marriage is meant to look like a shared life. Sharing happens when we open up and let our partner into even the toughest moments of our lives. Sharing your needs communicates value and trust to your partner. Independence builds a wall in your marriage that limits the amount of intimacy you can experience as a couple. Let her into your world. Make her a central part of your life, and she will know you value her.

    Married life is an opportunity to radically share God’s love with another flawed human. You’ll never get it perfect, but continuing to pursue each other despite your imperfections is how we make our unions last. Take time to see each other in every season, and the joy you share will abound over the years!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Anchiy

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • 4 Steps to Take if You Are Unhappy in Your Marriage

    4 Steps to Take if You Are Unhappy in Your Marriage

    Unhappiness is a common issue when it comes to marriage. The thing they don’t talk about when you buy that fabulous wedding dress, exchange those heartfelt vows, and drive off into the sunset together is that there will be many times that this relationship will feel a lot more like work than play. Where emotions will fly high, misunderstandings will create gaps, and forgiveness will be required. Unhappiness is not unique in marriage, and if we are honest, we should expect to weather some tough seasons when we consider remaining faithful to loving one extraordinarily flawed human for a lifetime.

    Acknowledging this big elephant in the room is important because our culture tells us that happiness is the way to a good life. Reality teaches us that life comes with many challenges, and almost anything worthwhile in your life requires that you fight for it. Consider getting an education. Learning to read, write, add, spell, subtract, and more is challenging, yet, we parents can agree that even if our kids are not blissful as they struggle to learn these skills, they should still keep at it until they achieve some sort of mastery. What about parenting? Lord knows if we as parents quit this job when our kids made us unhappy, committed sins against us, and got on our nerves, none of us would make it past the terrible twos! We stay with our kids, loving and growing with them because we know they are worth the struggle.

    Somehow though, we see marriage as separate from these other clear pictures of how struggle brings us beauty. The romantic comedies of the ’90s have brainwashed us all to believe that we all have a perfect soul mate waiting for us that we can’t live without. They will complete us, and with them, at our side, our lives will feel joyous and easy forevermore.

    This is a lie. And it’s one from the enemy of our souls. Falling in love is sweet, but staying in love is work. Staying. Forgiving. Learning. Growing. Fighting for your family. These things are so incredibly hard, but when we refuse to let our happiness tell us what our future should be and instead surrender our lives to our Creator and ask him to show us the way forward towards his joy and healing, that’s when the beauty unfolds in our stories.

    I know this firsthand because I’ve wanted to let my unhappiness with my spouse lead me away from my marriage. I hoped that he would leave me. I justified my deep bitterness and cast so much blame on the man I told that I would love forever. As I see the error of my ways, I still have to work daily to choose radical grace and forgiveness rather than holding onto the hurt that wants to drive me away from my spouse. Letting go is a constant choice because I can’t rewrite 15 years of miscommunication. I can’t undo it, but I can move past it. I believe God is showing us a new way forward that will be filled with a joyous commitment to each other that goes beyond our momentary feelings.

    So what do we do when we face those unhappy seasons?

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  • A Warning Regarding the “Love All” Movement

    A Warning Regarding the “Love All” Movement

    There are a few missing pieces in the current “love all” movement we are seeing in our culture and churches. This new wave of social pressure to take down the walls of morality in order to make us all feel a little more comfortable sounds so attractive. What kind of awful person could argue with the idea that everyone is loved and welcome?

    The truth is, as Christ-followers, we are absolutely called to love our neighbors and extend kindness to everyone we encounter. It’s easy to equate acceptance of every set of potential behavior choices as synonymous with love. I personally wish loving everyone the way God calls us to love was that simple. Everyone does what they want, and we call it good!

    God’s word teaches and models a much more complex view of love. It’s important that we take time to study what God says is love before we grab onto a love narrative that may lead us away from God’s heart. Not everything that looks good with our own eyes is good. Wisdom is so valuable and something we have to search out in a world filled with competing and cunning voices. The Bible is our anchor, and Jesus is our hope. Those are the places we can lean into when we feel unsure about what the next right step toward him should be.

    Luke 21:36 states, “Watch therefore, praying at every season, that you may be accounted worthy to escape all these things which are about to come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.” There is a responsibility that comes with becoming a person of faith. We have to seek out what is good, noble, worthy, true, hopeful, and pure. It’s not always easy to follow the narrow way to Jesus, but it is worthwhile.

    What Is Biblical Love?

    1 Corinthians 13 is known as the ‘love passage’ because it gives us an exhaustive account of what love is according to our Creator. The whole passage is worth reading, but let’s focus on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…”

    Love Always Protects

    Why is protection necessary? We live in a fallen world. There are limits to what is possible and impossible here on Earth in our bodies. We cannot breathe underwater, and consequently, if we spend too much time under the water, we will drown. We are each born with a specific set of DNA that determines so much about us. While this can be frustrating, it is a limitation that we have to accept and do our best to steward well. 

    As Christ-followers, additional limitations are placed on us pertaining to how to best live our lives. We are called to love God, love others, and be a holy or set apart people. God gave us the ten commandments to ground our lives in a moral code that will keep us safe. He also gives us clear instructions about how to express ourselves when it comes to our desires and sexuality. Every person that follows Christ has to lay down their earthly identity and desires. We are told we become a new creation when we accept Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). It is in Him we live, move, and have our being (Acts 17:28).

    Love Without Boundaries Leads to Death

    God warns us that there is a way that seems right to a man but leads to death (Proverbs 14:12). We cannot trust our eyes alone. It is vital that we immerse ourselves in the Bible so its timeless truths can keep us on God’s path.

    The love the world is clinging to and much of the church has decided to embrace is a love without boundaries. Yet, boundaries are key to a God-centered life. Even at the start of Creation, before the Fall, our ability to have eternity in the Garden with God was contingent on surrendering to a boundary placed by God. God told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the tree at the center of the garden (Genesis 3). The disobedience of Adam and Eve ushered into our world the struggles that we all now endure daily. The church and culture are beginning to bend His Word and believe that his design can be changed to better suit our will rather than surrendering even the hardest and scariest parts of us over to Him.

    Freedom Happens When We Embrace God’s Love

    Each of us struggles in some way. I struggle with anxiety, depression, anger, and more. We all come with thorns in our sides that make this life hard for us. Some of our struggles look like addiction, trauma, lust, pride, covetousness, same-sex attraction, discontent with the body or gender we have been given, medical diagnosis, and the list goes on. The Christian life is about surrendering our struggle to our Creator and asking him to help us to follow him and his word. Even when it feels impossible, God promises to give us the strength we need to overcome. This is how we find freedom!

    Without boundaries, we are unable to see the places where we need to grow. If all is acceptable and the Bible has no bearing on the lives we are called to live, then we are doomed to destruction. When we take away sin, we remove the need for a Savior. When we begin to call what God has said is wrong, right, we become more and more blind to our great need for redemption and consequently are more lost in the dark than ever. This is not love. This is the blind leading the blind on a road that leads to death.

    God’s love shows us a new way. It protects us from the evil one that is in this world. His Word is trustworthy and powerful. God’s love sets us free to live our best lives with Jesus at the center. We can surrender our struggles to him.

    This is all a mysterious work. It’s so tough for us as humans to find the right balance between grace and truth. As a Christ-follower, it’s not our job to condemn but to point others to Jesus and let him do the transformative work in our lives that only he is able to do. We can show kindness and mercy to all, but we can’t change God’s word for the sake of our own comfort. We have to stand on the truth while sharing love through our actions.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/sutlafk 

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • 6 Ways to Heal When a Friendship Ends

    6 Ways to Heal When a Friendship Ends

    Friendships matter. Our friends are there to hold our hands when life gets messy. They bring us laughter. Your memories together are a treasure you can hold onto for your lifetime. When these special ones you call friends leave your life for one reason or another, it leaves a hole.

    A friend I shared many years of motherhood with unexpectedly exited my life not long ago. We had spent endless mornings commiserating at the park, weekends away together trying to recuperate to love our families better, and even share a tattoo to make the friendship official. But life comes with many unexpected detours, which brought us to different places recently. The funny thing is that even though I have accepted the need for the change, my mind and body still grieve the loss. She visits me in my dreams. I often consider what could have been if the road between us had looked just a little different. My prayers often include her because even though we are distanced, I will forever love her.

    Sometimes it’s easy to think a friend can come and go without causing us to grieve, but that’s not the truth. The place friends hold in our lives is a deeply important one. It’s our source of joy, community, support, and love. We need friends! I’m learning to process my own sense of grief as I move forward without one I loved in my daily life. Here are a few ways to find healing when you are facing the end of a friendship:

    1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AntonioGuillem

    There can be so many complex feelings we face when a friendship ends. Often, this happens because there is some kind of falling out or change in lifestyle. It’s tough to process all the reasons why a friendship is over. Give yourself the grace to acknowledge all the crazy feelings in your head. This doesn’t mean you need to hold onto these emotions; acknowledging them is one way to process them so you can eventually let the negative feelings you may be struggling with go. Find a trusted person in your life to share how this loss is affecting you and share that burden with another.

    2. Pray

    Pray for healing if there has been a rift between you and your beloved friend. If you just can’t be in the same space with the other person, but there are no hard feelings, continue to pray for that friend as a way to continue to hold them close to you and support them from a distance. Pray that God would help you to graciously process your hurts and loss associated with the situation so you can navigate any future interactions with grace, love, and mercy.

    3. Live Above Reproach

    Sometimes friendships end because you’ve hurt each other. These wounds can go deep, yet God calls us to live above reproach. This means we give up our right to get in the last word, justify our bad behavior, or get revenge. We have to allow God to be the one who makes things right for us. Trust that he is still working in both of your lives and will find ways to teach you through this ordeal. It’s tough not to want to defend ourselves when we feel wronged, but it’s not our job. It’s up to God to care for our hearts and convict others that have hurt us.

    4. Offer Forgiveness

    two women holding hands, church is under fire after they expelled a woman who divorced her husband and came out as lesbian

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Maria Korneeva

    Allow forgiveness to be a part of your story. Even if distance is a must in your friendship in order to maintain health, don’t let bitterness well up in your heart. We can offer grace and forgiveness for ourselves and to others. It’s our job to let our friends know we are not there to hold a grudge. We can move forward with peace and give no space for the enemy to plant seeds of bitterness and unforgiveness in our hearts.

    5. Embrace Boundaries

    While forgiveness is important, boundaries are still healthy. We can forgive but still understand that we are worth being treated with respect and love. If you are stepping away from a toxic friendship, it’s okay to say I can’t share the same spaces I once did with that person with love and grace. It can be really hard to establish boundaries with a person that once was close to you, but they can help you process and move forward without getting sucked back into an unhealthy situation.

    6. Give it Time

    I am the most impatient when something feels freshly out of whack in my life. I just want to get as far away from my discomfort as quickly as possible. I want to find the perfect words to make better what I feel has been broken. I’m learning as I grow older that sometimes the right words don’t exist, especially in the immediate aftermath of a loss. When we are patient and sit in discomfort a bit before reacting, things somehow feel a little less raw and urgent.

    Time gives your mind and body a chance to level out. Time gives you space to seek out wisdom if you aren’t sure what the next right step should be. It also gives others in your life space to do that same kind of searching and healing. In time you will find more clarity about what life moving forward should look like, and it may inform you of what things from the past you need to apologize for. Time is a gift when things feel murky.

    Ultimately we have to trust that the Lord will work in our lives, even in the situations we haven’t handled perfectly. He is able to lovingly bring grace that can cover our failures. Continue to pray and ask that he continue working in your and your once-friend’s lives. God is never finished with us! He is working and moving even when we don’t see it, and we can be so grateful for his sovereign hand at work on our behalf.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • Is Ephesians 4:26 Perfect Marriage Advice?

    Is Ephesians 4:26 Perfect Marriage Advice?

    A common bridal shower activity is to offer advice to the soon-to-be-wife on how to make this marriage work for a lifetime. A popular piece of advice is to ‘not go to bed angry with one another.” This idea actually comes from the Bible!

    Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” This section of Scripture is a list giving the early believers instructions for Christian Living. The verses also highlight the need to be honest, not steal, work hard, avoid unwholesome talk, avoid anger, be kind, show compassion, and offer forgiveness. This is a beautiful list that helps us understand the Christian life that Jesus desires us to pursue. These words also offer wonderful advice on how to be a loving spouse. Anger, dishonesty, unkind words, rage, unforgiveness, and a lack of empathy all have the power to destroy our relationships. We need the power of the Holy Spirit at work in our life to live this way!

    Is it okay then to wait until morning to work through your anger when conflict arises in your marriage?

    I am married to a man who has many times expressed that if he gets heated in a conversation, it is best if we table it and revisit this at a later date. As the big feeler in our home, I have trouble stepping away from conflict. Throughout our marriage, we have had to compromise in how we agree to handle fights, and this is still very much a work-in-progress for us.

    Here are a few ideas on how to manage marriage conflict biblically:

    1. Agree to Take a Time-out From the Argument

    Sometimes you find yourself in a very heated dispute, and there can feel like there is no way out of this tense conversation. This can lead to conflict escalation and often does not lead to a good place. Yet, I have found that as the one who wants to hash things out, I need to know that we will take up the subject again and not just brush it off because it feels too hard to address.

    A good way to de-escalate a conversation that has gotten your blood boiling is to choose together to table the topic until an agreed-upon time that you will revisit the conversation. Stepping back can give you a chance to control your emotions better. Once you have hit that fight-or-flight stress response in a situation, logic is no longer heard, and emotions are all that are ruling the interaction.

    A few tips to make sure this strategy is utilized in a helpful way include:

    Decide ahead of time that time-outs are okay. Don’t wait until you are in the middle of an argument to say I need a break. Stepping away during a fight without communicating this can feel like avoidance/abandonment and can make things worse.

    Communicate that you need a time-out. If you find yourself getting upset, choose a way that works for you to calmly state you need a break. Do not storm off.

    Make time-outs short. To the point from Ephesians that we should not let the sun go down on our anger, we should not let these arguments drag on without resolving the issue. Our relationships are the most valuable thing we have in this life, and making sure we are living in unity with one another should be a top priority.

    Take time to calm yourself down and come up with a new approach. Don’t use this time to fester on all the ways your spouse is wrong but take advantage of this break in the conversation to calm your mind and body so you can get back on the same page as your partner.

    Return to the conversation and resolve the conflict. When you come back to the conversation, calmly talk through the issue at hand. Remember that you are on the same team. Conflict is not the goal but working together to find a reasonable resolution is in the best interest of your marriage.

    2. Focus on Improving Your Communication Skills

    Cultivating positive communication skills in your marriage looks a lot like working to live out the fruits of the spirit. We have to practice these skills every day before conflict arises, so we are better able to de-escalate fights when they break out. Some useful phrases that can help you better express yourself in order to help diffuse tense conversations include using “I feel” statements, “I need to calm down” statements, “I am sorry” statements, and “I appreciate” statements.

    When we make sure we are using “I” rather than “you” in a tough moment, it helps us avoid placing blame on our partner when we are trying to communicate about a situation that we are feeling concerned about. Blame statements and words like “always” or “never” can very quickly add flame to the fire.

    Conflict is inevitable when merging the lives of two imperfect people, but being prepared for the best way to speak to one another when these situations arise can help us avoid allowing anger and bitterness to grow in our marriages. When we allow anger to grow, we give the Devil a foothold to slowly tear apart our homes.

    3. Work to Empathize with Your Spouse

    Conflict happens when we feel attacked by our partners. Our anger grows because we feel threatened, hurt, or unseen by our partners. Empathy helps us selflessly set aside our own feelings for a moment to hear and see the position of our husbands or wives. When you feel your blood pressure starting to rise because of something your partner has said or done, take a deep breath and pause to visualize how they must be feeling in that moment.

    What is it that they truly are trying to say to you? Is their snippy tone due to them being stressed or exhausted? Can you respond by asking them how they are doing rather than responding in kind? Empathy helps us see past our own feelings of hurt and into what the issue really is at that moment.

    I know from personal experience that there has been almost nothing my husband and I have fought about that was worth being so very angry about. These terrible fights have really resulted from exhaustion, worry, stress, anxiety, disconnection, or carelessness. If one of us had the ability to see the other in these moments, these huge fights could have been resolved. If one of us had been willing to lay down our right to be offended and ask about how the other was doing, the fight would have never happened. We are working hard on this, but fifteen years in our pride seems to continue to make living in unity hard.

    We can apply Ephesians 4 to our marriages in one crucial way; we should never let anger and bitterness grow in our hearts toward one another. If you decide to make up before bed or talk it out first thing in the morning, what matters most is that you don’t let moments of anger and conflict steal all the joy and connection from our union. The unity that is supposed to define our marriage relationships cannot thrive when anger, unforgiveness, unkindness, dishonesty, and unrighteous living go unchecked in our lives. Christian living and the gracious power of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives is what it takes to make a marriage work.

    Related articles:

    How to Have Conflict in Your Marriage without the Combat

    Why the Bible Says to Never Go to Bed Angry

    8 Ways to Communicate More Effectively in Your Marriage

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • 5 Ways to Navigate a Strained Mother-Child Relationship This Mother’s Day

    5 Ways to Navigate a Strained Mother-Child Relationship This Mother’s Day

    Mother’s Day is a wonderful time to honor women who matter in our lives. It’s a chance to tell those who have invested in your life “thank you,” but it’s not an easy day for many. While many love the chance to lift up their mothers, for others, it can be a painful reminder of how things are not as they should be in this hugely important relationship. For mothers with children who have lost their way, it can be a time of grieving and a reminder of the hole that lives in your heart every day of the year. It can be tough for children whose mothers have walked away to say kind words about mothers when your own has hurt you so deeply.

    It’s easy to want to gloss over the complexities of this special day. We all want to avoid painful conversations; it’s just a part of how we were made. But we must leave space for us all to process whatever emotions Mother’s Day conjures up, both good and bad. For those of us excited to honor our cherished mothers, we need to ensure that we aren’t sharing our joy so loudly that we don’t hear the grief that others may be carrying alongside us.

    Here are some ideas on how to graciously walk through this Mother’s Day even when things are not as they should be:

    1. Share Your Story

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/AsiaVision

    If this is a tough moment for you, share your story with someone you love. Don’t walk through this spring holiday alone feeling like the only person stuck without a child or mother to dote on. Others can empathize or maybe are processing their own grief. Your honesty can open the door for others to feel safe in sharing their struggles this year.

    The enemy wants to isolate us in our despair, leading to further negativity and sadness. Sharing the burden you may be carrying when it comes to your mother or children lightens the load. It makes space for relief and even joy amid this loss. If you don’t have a trusted friend to share your burden with, consider finding a counselor to help you wade through the loss you have experienced as this vital relationship struggles. We need each other and were not made to shoulder the weight of brokenness alone!

    2. Pray Over Your Relationship

    Sometimes we experience losses in our lives that feel so big we just don’t know how or what we could ever do to mend them. These are the times we need God on our side more than ever. If your child has walked away and found themselves trapped in a dark lifestyle, dedicate Mother’s Day to praying over their lives. God is the only one with the ultimate power to break the chains of sin and death that want to steal from our lives.

    If you have lost touch with your mother or have experienced tension in your relationship, pray that God will build a bridge between you and your Mother. Pray that forgiveness and new, more healthy patterns can be created between you. Ask God to restore the lost connection and heal the wounds that linger in your hearts.

    3. Reach Out in One Small Way

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    If tension and hurt keep you from being together as a family, choose one small way to extend an olive branch of peace to your estranged loved ones. It could be a note expressing that you are thinking about them. A small gift to love on them with your generosity. You could invite them to spend a limited time together to test the waters, such as a short brunch. Post an honoring photo of your Mom or children on social media for Mother’s Day. Think of something that feels safe and kind that you can do to reach out.

    4. Set Healthy Boundaries

    Maybe you feel like there is no way around being with a destructive parent or child and dread the time spent together. You should not put yourself in harm’s way. You must establish healthy boundaries to protect your heart and mind when there has been abuse, neglect, or other trauma. Don’t feel that you have to say yes to every invite. Find ways to express your need for love and respect in your relationship. Consult trusted friends, mentors, and counselors to determine what is healthy and safe in your situation.

    5. Avoid Comparison

    Woman looking at her phone in jealousy

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/tommaso79

    It’s so hard not to watch friends’ beautiful posts and start comparing ourselves to others. Discouragement, bitterness, and discontentment can grow in our hearts when we compare our situations to the images others share with the world. Each person’s story is different. God is always at work in the details of our lives. It’s dangerous to say I wish my life was different or better in a certain way to match up with others. We each carry different burdens, and God uses the trials in our lives to grow us up in His love. Don’t let the lies of a coveting heart trip you up this Mother’s Day.

    Strained relationships can be a heavy burden to carry in our lives. May you find the peace of God that surpasses all understanding, along with his gracious wisdom, as you walk through this challenging circumstance. We serve a miracle-working God, and there is no circumstance beyond his ability to repair and restore. He is working even when we don’t see it. May he do what only he can do on your behalf.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • 4 Prayers for a Struggling Marriage

    4 Prayers for a Struggling Marriage

    Growth in marriage sometimes requires us to take a step back in order to move forward in a fresh direction. When we see a negative cycle spinning out of control in our relationship, it can be easy to want to throw all we have into “fixing” the problem. Even worse, we can run away feeling defeated and powerless to change the broken spaces in our relationships. While taking action is important (it’s never wise to ignore red flags in our marriages), sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is to take a step back just to pause and invite God into our mess. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Our mysterious God reminds us that he does his best work when we step aside and take a posture of still surrender in his presence.

    This space isn’t the I’m-so-fed-up-with-you-I-never-want-to-talk-again kind of space. It is you, as a spouse, intentionally choosing to be still. It’s in these moments of stillness we are reminded that God is the one that empowers us to be the spouses we are called to be! In the stillness, we realize our marriages are more than just about us and our needs but a place where we can live out the Bible’s call to “serve one another with love” (Galatians 5:13).

    In this space of humble, prayerful invitations or sometimes desperate cries for help to our capable and big God, we can have the grace to step back and allow the waters of our relationship to calm. When we relinquish our rights and control and realize that God is the only one able to heal the damaged places between us, we are also free to stop poking and pestering one another over the same old failures. We are free to begin to forgive each other for the mounting hurts that want to tear us apart.

    Being still may look like not pointing out every flaw or choosing to extend grace when things don’t go as planned rather than fighting for your right to right. It even can look like turning the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-40). Biblical marriage is one filled with humility, sacrificial love, and forgiveness.

    In this place of holy invitation, prayer is our weapon! We can call on the Angel armies of Heaven to do what only God can do in our homes. It takes such trust and humility to lay down our own battle weapons. It’s a deep surrender to let go of our own right to defend ourselves and trust God to be our guard and guide. We are not alone in this fight; God is with us and gives us the strength to step back and love our partners beyond what could ever be considered reasonable.

    Here are some prayers for your struggling marriage:

    1. A Prayer for Forgiveness

    Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

    Father, would you give each of us the strength, grace, patience, and wisdom to display your kindness and compassion towards one another. Would you bring to light the ways unforgiveness has made way for a root of bitterness to poison our relationship. Give us the strength to unpack the baggage that the years have created gracefully. Open our hearts to experience your miraculous gift of forgiveness. May we follow your example of loving beyond what is reasonable. Please help us stop counting wrongs and embrace your example of amazing grace in our home. Amen.

    Ephesians 5:33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

    God, graciously give us the ability to see each other as you see us. Show us the ways that you love your spouse. Help us focus on their gifts, talents, service, and love. Open our eyes to the reality of the endless mercy you have bestowed on each of us. Empower us to regard each other with love and respect. Grant us the self-control and humility to pause and hear each other before defending ourselves. Let love and respect permeate our interactions. Amen.

    3. A Prayer for Renewed Love

    1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

    God, I thank you for being a God of love and teaching us to be like you. I am so thankful that your word instructs us on how to follow your ways and gives us practical advice for our lives. May you help our marriage to be once again filled with love. Give both the ability to be patient, kind, humble, protect each other, lay down resentment, and rejoice in all things. May you bear the heavy things we have endured. Would you give us hope in the dark seasons of life! Bless them with a lasting love that carries them through a lifetime together. Bless each of us with a heart of love for one another. Amen.

    4. A Prayer for Wisdom

    James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him.

    God, give each marriage the wisdom it needs to step forward, one step at a time. Give us the strength to follow you first in a world that does not understand God’s way. Speak to our hearts about the wise next step for our marriage and family. Help us to see past the distractions that are thrown at us and be able to follow your narrow way. Silence the voices of confusion, discouragement, distraction, or temptation that would want to entrap us in folly. Help us to trust you and follow you for all of our days. Amen.

    If you are in need of a new direction, God invites you to take a moment and pause before searching out one more self-help article. He wants you to go to him before throwing up your hands in defeat or packing that beg out of anger. There is a different option that includes God’s miraculous marriage healing power! It goes against our every instinct to run, defend, justify, or fix. God prompts us to be still in his presence, to remember that God is in control of all the threads that make up your life together, and invite him in to do the restorative work that only he can do. Seek Him first, and then find that new path forward together.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • 3 Scriptures about Faithfulness to Inspire Your Marriage

    3 Scriptures about Faithfulness to Inspire Your Marriage

    The vows we make to one another on our wedding day is a promise to be faithful to one another.

    We declare to each other and in front of our loved ones that we are in. We are there for the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    We are each other’s people for life! It is such a beautiful and powerful pledge of commitment that we make to one another.

    The covenant of marriage that God honors and desires us to remain faithful to whenever possible. Matthew 19:6 says it this way, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

    God desires those heartfelt and optimistic words we declare at the start of our marriage to remain true over the course of the life we spend with our partners.

    God also knows this is not an easy task! Choosing to love the same person over years of new responsibilities, needs, interests, wishes, struggles, pains, and joys requires more than we have to give on our own strength.

    We need Jesus to be able to faithfully love each other well. Let’s explore what God’s word says about remaining faithful to our marriage and some practical ways we can live this out in our daily lives together.

    Here are 3 Scriptures about faithfulness:

    “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law.”

    God’s Spirit alive in us looks like living a life marked by the fruits of the Spirit. This is the evidence that we are followers of Jesus.

    These are the things that set us apart from the world around us. That evidence includes being faithful to our relationships, commitments, believes, to God, and to our marriages.

    “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

    We don’t have to be faithful through our own strength. God knows that we will be tempted, that life is filled with hardship, and that darkness seeks to entice us with the lie of forbidden pleasure. God encourages us but reminding us that HE IS FAITHFUL.

    We can overcome the temptations that are common to this world because God’s power is at work in our lives. He gives us the strength we need to remain faithful to our commitments. 

    “A faithful man will abound with blessings, but whoever hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.”

    Our faithfulness to living a righteous and committed life does not go unnoticed by God. He promises that our efforts will be blessed.

    God is pleased when we choose to be faithful in our marriages.

    How Can We Be Faithful to Our Spouses?

    Remaining faithful to our spouses requires more of us than just not having an extramarital relationship. It requires us to be present, engaged, loving, committed, and willing to forgive over and over again.

    What does that look like in practical terms? Here are some ideas for you.

    1. Be Honest with One Another

    Honesty creates security in your relationship.

    A few years back my husband and I went through about a year of counseling together and the first question our counselor asked was if we had been honest with each other. He wanted to know if we had any major breaks of trust in our past or present.

    Thankfully, we could answer this question with a yes and our counselor confidently said that we could get through our struggles. As long as we had trust we could rectify the other broken parts of our marriage.

    Research has found that the number one issue that came up for married couples was trust and betrayal.

    Honesty ensures that we are living in a true shared reality with one another. We have to be open in our communications with one another not to just avoid major betrayals but also so we are not blindsided by smaller ways that we fail to share our truths with one another.

    Even things such a lack of clarity on how much one of you enjoys a certain activity or concealed concerns about the other party can feel like a betrayal if they’re not’ openly shared.

    2. Keep Each Other a Priority

    This advice feels so obvious but if we are honest it is not at all easy to live out! When life gets rolling along the easiest thing to put on the back-burner of your priority list is your spouse.

    I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with friends lamenting how long it has been since they have had a proper date night with their spouse.

    Work, kids (especially the kids), not wanting to bother others by asking if they can babysit, and general busyness as reasons date night has been on hiatus.

    Allowing uninterrupted time with your spouse to fall to the wayside is dangerous to your marriage.

    his is what it looks like in my house: My husband and I are getting along well but then several weeks pass without us having time alone to relax without the kids. All of a sudden I start doubting that he cares about me, I feel extra stressed because I haven’t had a “grown-up break” from parenting and my other responsibilities, my husband sees my exasperation as a complaint against him, and then by week 2 or 3 some tiny kindling lights the fire to a big argument.

    Every person needs affirmation, connection, kindness, and love. The only way we can consistently give and receive these things in our marriages is if we make loving one another well a priority.

    3. Be Ready and Willing to Forgive One Another

    Matthew 18:21-22 says, “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. 

    Marriage is the place we get to be tested on the ability to live out this scripture in our own lives!

    Offering undeserved forgiveness is something we have to be willing to daily offer to our spouses… and I know from years of experience that it is not easy to extend!

    We have to be willing to forgive not just for the major mess-ups but what may be even harder for us is forgiving each other for the tiny mistakes we make. Like forgiving your spouse when he forgets you have plans together on the calendar or when they forget something you desperately needed from the store.

    When we start holding onto secret grudges against our spouse, walls starting going up in our marriage. All of a sudden tiny things become big things because you aren’t just frustrated about the fact today they forgot to help with the dishes, you are mad because every time they have forgotten to help clean up over the last 15 years.

    Dishwashing can even become a reason to separate yourself emotionally from your spouse.

    When we say that out loud… I can’t stay faithful to my spouse because they didn’t do the dishes… it sounds crazy!

    But if we are honest how much of the struggle we feel in our marriage is about big stuff and how much is over tiny failures we’ve secretly logged in our mental “book of grievances” against our spouses? We have to forgive over and over and over again in order to stay faithful to the vows we made to our spouses at the very beginning of our journey together. 

    Marriage is a living thing. It requires that we tend to it, water it, feed it, nurture it, protect it from the elements of this world, and it only takes a short period of neglect for decay to become apparent to us. 

    If we desire to be faithful to one another, then we have to make a daily choice to pour into our relationship. We have to create routines that communicate love, consideration, and make space for us to connect with each other.

    Being faithful to one another is a daily task but thankfully God promises to give us the strength we need to help our marriages thrive. 

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Jon Asato

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

    Amanda Idleman

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