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Tag: Alicia Searl

  • Does God Forgive Sex Before Marriage?

    Does God Forgive Sex Before Marriage?

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    My husband and I have the distinct honor and privilege of leading a small group of youth students at our church. It’s truly remarkable to see how they are taking leaps of faith and stepping out in courage to make God’s name known. God is really moving in this up-and-coming generation, and it is truly awe-inspiring!

    Yet, it’s also worth mentioning that these kiddos are the enemy’s prime target. Unfortunately, he is using every tactic possible to manipulate and falsify faith-filled messages that are built on truth and grace. Add to that the current society that is entrenched in so many misconceptions about their identity and the misguided views on sex that confusion is running rampant. The result is that children and teens who have grown up in the church and profess their faith are failing to see the way God truly sees them and the nature of sin.

    Honestly, it’s an easy trap for any of us to fall into, as each generation has their fair share of worldly and sinful struggles. And, while the method may have shifted or changed over the years, the temptations are still strong and sugarcoated, the lies are just as clever, and the bait to sinful choices always lure us in with tempered thoughts that look to push boundaries and find loopholes in God’s law. This is generally when the heavy weight of guilt and shame meets the whispers that state, God will never forgive me.

    Friends, the deceiver is still deceiving! But God is still God, and His very nature exudes love, grace, and mercy. So, when one of those students asked if God forgives sex before marriage, my initial response was a wholehearted, “Yes, of course, He does!” However, I know that there are many layers to this question, and it comes with a heart that may be seeking permission to fall into lust (if there will be forgiveness) or repentance due to guilt that is weighing heavy.

    There is a lot to unpack here, so let’s address this issue, shall we?

    Are All Sins the Same to God?

    First, we must address the question about sin. Are all sins really the same to our God? The simple (and short) answer is yes and no. Yes, because all sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2). James 2:10 basically states if one keeps the whole law but stumbles just a bit, they are guilty of breaking all of it. Sounds pretty harsh, right?

    Well, the point that James is driving home here is that all sins matter to God, no matter how big or small they may seem. That means we mustn’t dismiss any sin we commit and confess it to God. However, that said, there are degrees to sin. Proverbs 6:16-19 lays out seven sins the Lord really detests. Pride, lying, murder, evil intent and enjoyment, perjury, and stirring up strife and division.

    While these are all sinful choices and detach us from God, festering hurt, pain, and betrayal in our relationships, it’s not just the sin itself but the nature of our heart that God chooses to see (1 Samuel 16:7, Jeremiah 17:10). If a heart is bent toward deceit and malice, the consequences and punishment will be given by God accordingly (John 3:36), but if the heart is pliable and soft, God grants great mercy and grace (Ezekiel 36:26-28).

    Pertaining to the lustful sin of sexual relations outside of marriage, Jesus addresses this in Mathew 5:27-28, stating that this type of sin manifests in the mind and then grips the heart. Just the sheer fact of looking at another with lustful eyes is committing adultery and can lead to devastating consequences. However, the physical act of committing adultery bears a whole new set of consequences. In Jesus’ day, it was punishable by death. Today, we see how sexual relations outside the confines of a marriage can leave a mark of deep pain and a wake of utter betrayal with shame to follow.

    Jesus is telling us that our thoughts often produce our choices, and sinful thoughts and choices have lasting consequences that affect not just our lives but the lives of others, including those we love. Even more, when we don’t guard our minds and hearts, including how we view sexual relations, it will cause grave consequences and a disheartening distance of separation between us and God.

    God’s Plan Is Best

    While all sin separates us from God, and we understand that there are degrees of sin that can conjure up different levels of consequences and punishments, it’s wise to understand what God really wants when it comes to our sexuality, so we can live accordingly.

    Sex and our sexual identity are part of God’s design for us. We are to enjoy the gift that masculinity and femineity bring into a marriage, and honor God with our bodies (1 Corinthians 7:5). Sex is a beautiful blessing that God offers a man and woman when they proclaim their vows and become one flesh under Him through a covenant (Mark 10:8-9). Apart from that, it goes against God’s plan for us and can cause dissonance and damaging consequences.

    Several passages in the Bible tell us to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, Galatians 5:19-20) because God knows that sex outside of a marriage can lead to a misunderstanding of the power and beauty it offers faithful married couples.

    Yet, more and more couples, including Christians, are finding it difficult to wait and may see nothing wrong with entertaining the thought if they have plans to get married one day. However, as mentioned before, impure thoughts are merely playing with fire and can lead couples to carry out actions that can (and will) taint their relationship.

    The truth is when a couple chooses not to wait for marriage and God’s perfect timing, it essentially mocks and cheapens this precious gift. Going beyond God’s boundaries and plan also brings forth its own unique set of consequences. Due to sex being a blessing from God that is to be shared between a husband and a wife, the hormone oxytocin is released to help create a special bond that builds trust and promotes unity. When this is done outside the confines of a marriage, it is proven to have an adverse reaction, generally weakening the bond. Not only that, but the view on sex overall will become distorted and flawed, making the relationship numb to growing spiritually.

    God Is Full of Mercy

    So, where is the hope? Does God truly forgive sex before marriage? Yes! The answer is still a wholehearted “Yes.” While this sin comes with many emotional strings attached and can bear quite a heavy burden, the reality is that once we know where our identity is found, we know where to find our source of hope that leads to redemption!

    Let’s look at the heartfelt (and longest) conversation Jesus had with another person in the gospel of John. A conversation that would have been seen as forbidden, and even unlawful, as Jewish men were not to speak to unknown women, let alone a Samaritan. But that didn’t hinder Jesus from setting up a divine intervention with this woman. A woman seen as an outcast and adulterer by her community. Yet, Jesus was already waiting for her. Ready to meet her in her hurt, pain, and shame (John 4:7-14). In His loving and gentle way, Jesus tells her that her sins may have caused her great harm, leaving her soul desolate and dry, but He is the answer to find healing and hope (John 4:21-16).

    Oh, sweet brother or sister, if you are wrestling with the sin of sexual immorality, Jesus sees you and is waiting for you to come to Him. He is waiting to offer you hope found in the living water that will wash away your sin and cleanse you from all the hurt, shame, and guilt. You are never too far gone for Him to reach you. Soften your heart today and seek repentance, then receive His great gift of mercy.

    Photo credit: iStock/Getty Images Plus/silverkblack

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • 3 Types of Friends You Need

    3 Types of Friends You Need

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    Is there anything sweeter than a soul-refreshing friendship? You know the one you can randomly meet up with at a coffee shop, spill your guts, and then receive a warm and understanding hug. Then you have the mom who gives you encouragement and helpful advice when you’re in the trenches of a truly disheartening and difficult season of motherhood. 

    Ahh, sweet friendships. We all need them, right? And yes, we need to be those friends as well. But maybe questions flood your heart. Questions like: What kinds of friend should I truly be searching for? Are there different kinds of friends for various seasons of my life? Does that essentially mean I must change as well?

    Well, my sweet friend, is it okay that I call you that? I know we haven’t officially met, but I have a keen feeling that if I met you over a warm cup of coffee we’d somehow just click. That’s because if you are here (at iBelieve), you are my kind of gal. All that aside, let’s be honest for just a minute, shall we?

    I have had all those questions mentioned above about friendships as well, and more. That’s because relationships with other women aren’t always so cut and dry. Friendships can be tricky and not so easy to navigate. Our emotions and hearts get invested, and we can spend a lot of time with these girls. And sadly, sometimes hurt happens. 

    While people move, some change, and others just aren’t your cup of tea (and that’s okay), there are those who bring on friction, cause confusion, and may bring you to question if they are the “right” kind of friend.

    So, how do we find and keep friends who truly are what the Bible calls “sweet friendships” (Proverbs 27:9)? You know, the sweet friend who doesn’t just “get you” but comes alongside you to love, encourage, and hold you accountable. Not only that but she leads you to grow in your faith and love the Lord with all your heart! 

    Sis, no matter what season you are in, whether you are a single girlie or a mom of college kiddos, there are three types of friends you need (and need to be), starting right now!

    1. The Mentor Friend

    Think the Titus 2 woman. Every woman needs an older (and wiser) faith-filled woman to lean on. The one who has “been there and done that” and can share her pearls of wisdom all while encouraging you to be the woman, wife, and mother God is calling you to be. 

    In Titus 2, 1 Timothy, and 2 Timothy, Paul is giving instructions to the church leaders on how to “train” a younger group of men and women. His message is still loud and clear today, as it is to insinuate that elderly God-fearing women in the church need to lay out an example for the next generation of women.

    These lovely ladies can provide valuable insight on how to stay faithful, be of sober-mind, and remain steadfast under trials while showing characteristics of dignity, self-resect, and godly submission in every aspect of our lives.

    Who wouldn’t want a friend like this? Better yet, who wouldn’t want to be this kind of friend to another?

    As faithful women, we are all called to seek wise counsel in the form of a mentor, as well as be mentors, especially within the Body of Christ (1 Timothy 4:12, 2 Timothy 2:2). As we seek to hold one another up in Christ, with a mindset to shape the next generation, we have the ability to gain some of the sweetest friendships we will ever know all while growing more and more like Christ. 

    2. The Memory-Maker Friend

    Oh, the simply sweet memory-maker friend. As the name implies, a memory-making friend is the one you meet up with and “make memories.” This is your peer, the one who is in the thick of the season you are in, right beside you, cheering you on as if also trying to motivate herself (1 Thessalonians 5:11). You can laugh, cry, scream, vent, and overshare with this girl. She gets it because she is living it too!

    Text this girl to meet at the park in five minutes, she’s there. Chat on the phone in the closet during nap time, she’ll listen. She’s got your back and you’ve got hers. You can go out to the movies and giggle over the cheesy plot or get away for a weekend and have the time of your life. This friend is pretty amazing!

    The truth is that God created us to be relational beings and to be able to do this life together in a relatable and special way. He made friendship for us to commune and fellowship, so when we get together with these dear friends, we reap the benefits tenfold (1 John 1:7, Acts 2:42). Praise God for that!

    That said, these friendships must be built on mutual trust and respect, otherwise tension can ensue, and negative feelings can unravel, creating devastating consequences (Proverbs 16:28). While these friends sadly can come and go in and out of our lives for various reasons, we must treasure the time we have with these dear sisters. All in all, just be the kind of friend you seek and treat these beauties like the real gems that they truly are (Luke 6:31)!

    3. The Meaningful Friend

    This is the well-meaning friend who ever so sweetly tells it like it is. This friend will see your blind spots and be sure to let you know. However, behind her words is a heart of pure gold as she strives to serve and love others through servanthood.

    Need a meal after the new little bundle arrives, she’s got you covered. Have a prayer request, she’s on it! She’ll basically be the one to drop everything she is doing and graciously serve you with an open mind and soft heart. She’s there, always dependable, and her love for Jesus is outwardly evident. 

    A meaningful friend will encourage you by using her own gifts and talents all while supporting and pointing out your beautiful gifts, talents, and attributes. In other words, she wants you to be the best version of yourself and deeply cares about your heart. What a rare thing these days!

    Meanwhile, the most beautiful thing about this friend is her ability to use compassion as a base to develop a relationship. She is quick to show vulnerability, invests time and energy, and is genuine in her approach. This friend is simply lovely inside and out and is intentional, often befriending the lonely and lost.

    So, what type of friends are in your life? Better yet, what type of friend are you?

    A Prayer for Your Friendship

    Lord, thank you for the gift of friendship. Help us look to You and model the example in which You lay out for us in Your Word on how to be a good friend. We want to be a friend who is trustworthy and shows respect and honor to our fellow sisters in Christ. Allow us to find wise friends to learn and grow from while also sharing wisdom when prompted. Give us those dear friends to make memories with and help us be meaningful friends who choose to see the needs of others, serving them with a heart of compassion. We are so thankful that you created us for fellowship and that we can come to You first with a raw and real heart, sharing what we need. Give us hearts to be the kind of friend You want and need us to be. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Lyndon Stratford

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • How Should Believers Navigate Prenuptial Agreements?

    How Should Believers Navigate Prenuptial Agreements?

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    Getting engaged is a pivotal moment in a couple’s lives and comes with much excitement and anticipation. However, this glorious moment can be shattered when one says, “’ I’ll say, ‘I do,’ ‘til prenup do us part?”  It doesn’t really have a nice ring to it. So, what is a prenup, and how should we go about this highly controversial topic as believers?

    The history of the prenuptial agreement (prenup) dates back to ancient Egyptian times and was often used as a means to care for a widowed woman. According to Brodie Friedman, marital and family law attorneys, these contracts were written up to protect the wealth and property that came from both the bride and groom’s family. Due to prearranged marriages then, a bride was given away with a dowry, and a groom was to pay her family to marry her. This nuptial agreement was designed to ensure that she would have rights to wealth and property if her husband passed away.

    Fast-forward to today. These nuptial agreements have since faced some skepticism but have become rather commonplace since the laws on divorce began to change in the early 1950s (Wikipedia). Now, we see a different evolution of what marital agreements entail, as a prenup states how money, possessions, and assets are to be divided in the unlikely event that a couple part ways and proceeds with a divorce.

    This “agreement” not only comes with a pretty bad connotation nowadays but can stir up distrust and mixed feelings, especially among Christian couples. Rightfully so, as believers, we hold to the notion that a marriage is meant to be a life-long venture, sacred and holy under God (Mark 10:8-12). That said, putting a prenup in place would cheapen the most favored human relationships, deeming it more like a contract than a covenant (Matthew 5:32). 

    However, it may be worth questioning whether there is ever a rare or certain case in which a prenup might be warranted. According to Focus on the Family, “blended families and already-started business ventures can create unique financial situations that need to be addressed with explicit care. A prenuptial agreement could be a wise way to avoid future financial and legal headaches, particularly where extended family is involved.” There was also mention of going into a marriage with significant financial debt or extreme assets where a prenup may be worth considering.

    We must recognize that we live in a fallen world riddled by tragedy, and unfortunately, divorce is a part of that. However, when a couple goes into a marriage with a mindset of the possibility of it “not working out,” the motives are already way off base. The truth of the matter is that God’s design for a marriage is to bring two of His beloved children together and make them one flesh (Genesis 2:24). This sacred union is to be valued as a commitment to life (Ecclesiastes 9:9). 

    Husbands are called to love and lead their wives, giving themselves up for her, while wives are to honor and respect their husband’s role and submit to him being the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7-9). Each brings a beautiful role into a marriage, holding equal value but different and unique qualities that are required to make a marriage based on faithfulness and devotion while being rich in love (Ephesians 5:22-31).

    Christian couples should enter a marriage by seeking to honor and glorify God’s design for marriage and enter their union equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). When each spouse says “I do” to honor and submit to God first and foremost, then submit to one another in marriage as Christ did the church (Ephesians 5:21), that is the only agreement needed.

    Father, we thank You for the precious gift You give us in marriage. Please help us see our fiancés and future spouses as You do – as a beloved child and priceless treasure. Help us honor Your perfect design for marriage and live in a purposeful way that glorifies You together. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Edmond Dantès

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • How Should Christians View the ‘Tradwife’ Trend?

    How Should Christians View the ‘Tradwife’ Trend?

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    The trendy “tradwife” movement. What’s this all about, really? The term trad wife, which denotes the view of a traditional wife with traditional values, was originally displayed about six years ago when several millennial and zoomer housewives took to social media and showcased their idealistic, domesticated lifestyles. 

    These young ladies began to glamorize the iconic All-American 1950s woman as they posted pictures donning the classic fit and flare dress with attached apron and pump high highs. Whether they are placing meals on the table for their family with a glistening smile, vacuuming their immaculate homes, or greeting their husbands at the end of the day with a passionate kiss, the message is to showcase traditional gender roles and the culture of that nostalgic time era. In the time when men were the sole breadwinners and providers, women stayed home and were caretakers.

    According to Estee Williams, a 25-year-old trad wife and TikTok influencer who inspires women how to cook, clean, and maintain beauty for their husbands, “a tradwife submits to her husband and serves her family. This concept is not degrading or considered to be of lesser value than him. This is more common with traditional Christians.” Many of her recent videos share how to find a masculine man and dish out advice for high school girls who are questioning and eager to learn more about her “old school” lifestyle.

    @esteecwilliams What it means to be a Tradwife. #fyp #tradwife #homemaking #housewife #traditional #tradwifecontroversy #womenschoice ♬ Music Instrument – Gerhard Siagian

    While this concept continues to grow and gain momentum on nearly every social media platform, gaining traction, it is apparent that a younger generation of women is seeking men who will lead, provide, and protect them (Ephesians 5: 25-33). However, this movement hasn’t come without a spark of controversy, even among the faith-based circles.

    How should we respond to this tradwife movement through a Biblical lens?

    The phenomenon of a traditional, simpler, and older way of life is nothing new. After all, it’s the cycle of life as families pass down their traditions to their children. It is common for children to take on some of those customs and part ways with others, maybe starting something new. This is where we see old-fashioned ethics and new terms like “trad wife” come into play. 

    However, these homemade definitions are not synonymous with the Biblical housewife portrayed in Proverbs 31 or Titus 2. Where the tradwife focuses on some Biblical views, it completely misses the mark on others. While there are distinct gender roles noted in God’s Word, we are all called to submit to Christ, first and foremost (James 4:7), and then to one another in marriage (Ephesians 5:21).

    Where a tradwife focuses on outward appearances and the authority of her husband, Biblical womanhood encourages marriage to be rooted in faith and glorify God – together. Marriage is a servanthood where a husband is called to love his wife as Christ did the church, and a wife is called to submit to her husband so that he can lead in confidence. There is mutual love, respect, and honor (Ephesians 5:21-33). 

    The Proverbs 31 woman seeks after God’s heart (Mark 12:30), embraces her role as mother and wife, cares for her feminine beauty (1 Peter 3:3-4), is a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:6-8), serves with a gracious heart, and walks with purpose, seeking God’s will and way for her life. This could mean working in or outside of the home.

    Titus 2 is generally an older (wiser) woman who is portrayed as a role model and mentor for young ladies, training them to trust God and walk in obedience. They share the real meaning behind submission, which is to walk with dignity and grace, honoring God’s design for marriage and encouraging young wives to serve and love their husbands and families with compassion.

    Like with any cultural trend, we need to be careful not to be swept away by all its enticing and enamoring effects and choose to seek God’s will and way for our lives by digging into His Word and seeking Truth. The beauty of God’s Word is that it never changes (Psalm 119:89, Isaiah 40:8, Malachi 3:6). In a world that is forever evolving, His Word remains the same. We can count on that—it’s a promise!

    Photo Courtesy: ©Getty Images/Alexandra Girard
    Video Courtesy: esteecwilliams via TikTok

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • 3 Words Your Husband Needs to Hear

    3 Words Your Husband Needs to Hear

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    “Gosh, you’re cute!”

    “You’re my man.”

    “Thanks for everything.”

    Girl, there are lots of things we can say that can really make our hubby’s hearts melt. I mean, what guy doesn’t want to hear how cute and amazing he is? Well, let me start by saying there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to saying words that will affirm your guy and make him slowly become putty in your hands, but there are three words that will not only encourage and support him as a man, husband, and father but will also help him keep going strong, allowing him to the man God is calling him to be! What wife doesn’t want that!? So, without further ado, let’s address those three words, shall we?

    “I Need You!”

    Yep, those are the words. Just going to go ahead and lay them out all up front. No need to scroll down to the bottom of this article in search of them. Here they are! The words your husband needs to hear right now – “I need you!”

    “So, what’s the big deal with these words?,” you may ask. They sound simple enough, right?

    Well, for starters, these three little words let your dear husband know that he is valuable and important while also proclaiming honor and respect. But, in all honesty, it goes deeper than that. It starts with a notion on your part. Take a moment to reflect on the beginning of your love story. Where it all began. Do you remember that “need” to see him? To feel his closeness or hear the sound of his voice? 

    Early on in our marriages (or even when we were dating), there was a sense of excitement that came with the newness of that blossoming relationship. There was also a desperate need to be together. You needed him. And he needed you. So, essentially, “needing each other” and wanting to do life together gave way to a proposal that was essentially sealed with a kiss. Aww, newlywed love is so precious, isn’t it?

    But, that tender and sweet love doesn’t have to end there! We have the opportunity to continue to grow our love for one another, and that begins with placing our spouse’s needs above our own, striving to outdo one another in service (Romans 12:10). Some of your sweet hubby’s basic needs include feeling respected and admired (Ephesians 5:22-23), coming home to a peaceful environment (Proverbs 19:13 and 21:9), feeling sexually desirable (Corinthians 7:1-7), and the sense of real companionship (Song of Solomen 8:1-2).

    The bottom line here is that when we say, “I need you,” it opens the door to meet so many of his needs and encourages him to be the husband and man you need him to be. Saying, “I need you to know I see all that you are doing for our family,” gives him the respect he desires. Saying, “I need you to come sit with me and tell me about your day,” allows him to feel that welcomed peace when he comes home from a long day at work. And simply just saying, “I need you,” with a passionate sparkle of “want” in your eye gives him the assurance that he is still desirable. 

    Your Husband Needs to Know He Is Needed

    Men and women may have different needs, but these needs were meant to complement one another, not something we hold over their heads or use as a means to compete with them for love. When we show and tell our husbands that we need them, and they do the same in return, something truly beautiful emerges – we begin to experience sacrificial love and God’s divine design for our marriages.

    That means we can foster and support our husband’s innate need to provide for and protect his loved ones because it is essentially a part of their DNA, given to them by the Creator. We see time and time again in The Word men leading and providing for their families. Yet, on the other hand, we also see how men failed to provide or lead well due to insecurities, cowering in fear, or many times due to the lack of support from their wives. Moses, Isaiah, and Abraham are just a few men who struggled in this area.

    The truth of the matter is that your husband essentially needs to know that you need his leadership, provision, and protection. Sure, we are capable of much and have the ability to do many great things. I believe we even have an inner strength that men do not naturally possess since we have the ability to tap into a wealth of emotions to survive and thrive.

    But, while the world would want to convince us (and our men) that we don’t need them and that we can run on “girl power” alone, God made each of us for so much more! God designed a woman to be a helper because He saw that man was no good on his own (Genesis 2:18). Being made from Adam’s rib (not any other part of his body), we were designed to be joined by his side, to be his faithful companion. 

    God made man in such a way that he yearns to protect, provide, and care for his closest and most valuable companion. We were made in a way to long to be provided and cared for. When this need isn’t met (for either side), a marriage can truly suffer. So, tell your husband you need him. You need his leadership, his protection, and his provision. Then support him in those efforts, as this shows admiration, respect, and trust, giving him that sense of companionship he so deeply craves from you.

    Our Delivery Matters

    “I need you…to take out the trash.” 

    “I need you… to help with dinner.” 

    “I need you… to stop yelling at the kids.” 

    “I need you… to lighten up.” 

    “I need you…”

    You get the picture. It’s so easy to pick out the things our man didn’t do or call out the things we find annoying or even hurtful, causing us to quickly spew out emotional words that come across as nagging or casting blame. Ugh. Let’s just say your man will most likely become more defensive than the linebacker on his favorite football team. 

    We will all mess up from time to time and say words we regret or may even have a few scars on our tongues to keep from saying those wretched things we so badly want to say.  So, the next time you want to say, “I need you” in a not-so-friendly way, pause and seek to understand the nature of your heart. Take a step back if you need to cool down and then try another approach because the delivery of our words can either prompt our man to react in love or cause them to land on deaf ears.

    One of my favorite movies is The Princess Bride. If you are familiar with this somewhat cheesy 80’s rom-com, then you are well aware of the demands and orders Princess Buttercup gives to the farm boy, Westley. From polishing her horse’s saddle to filling jugs with water, she does this with a piercing gaze into his soul all while adding a tender “please” at the end of her command, prompting his swoon-worthy response to be, “As you wish.” 

    Why does he respond this way? Because he feels like she truly needs him, and him only, to provide and care for her. Could you imagine if we asked our husbands for things that we needed in the same way? Picture it now, you gaze into your husband’s eyes and sweetly say, “Darling, I need you to be that handsome man of mine and create a fire to keep us all warm.” His response may not exactly be “As you wish,” but I’m pretty sure it will get his attention. Ha!

    Sis, your delivery matters. What you say is, in fact, important, but even more important is the way you choose to say it.

    A Prayer for Your Marriage

    Gracious God, I lift up our marriages to You. Please give us the ability to see and meet the needs of our husbands and use our words wisely. Give us the means to encourage our husbands and help us complement one another. We love that you gave us the beautiful gift of marriage, so please help us to take care of it. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Drazen Zigic

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    Related Podcast Resource: 5 Ways to C.O.V.E.R. Your Marriage in Prayer

    One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. Learning communication skills, conflict resolution techniques and intimacy hacks are great. However, if you’re leaving your marriage uncovered by failing to pray for your spouse and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable to attacks. Prayer is an essential guiding tool to get you and your spouse on the same page and create unity in your marriage. In this episode of Real Relationship Talk, Dana Che shares her acronym C.O.V.E.R., which teaches you how to specifically pray for your marriage. To listen, just click the play button below:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

    Click here to read the full article.

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  • Restore the Peace After an Awful Marital Argument

    Restore the Peace After an Awful Marital Argument

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    The milk frother is working again! I didn’t replace the batteries, but I know exactly who did. If you love milk in your coffee and you have never tried a milk frother, I suggest you look into it right now. It could be just what you need to save your marriage! Ok, maybe not really, but it may be a great peace offering. 

    Let me start with this, my husband is a coffee snob – literally. He drinks that goodness with no extra fluff (unlike my cup which is filled with seasonal syrups and almond milk). He sips on his strictly black coffee and adamantly declares anything else is just added nonsense. He is a simple, minimalist type of guy, and honestly, I love him for that. 

    So, how did a simple coffee thingamajig (a.k.a. coffee frother) save our marriage? Well, let’s start with a story:

    A few weeks ago, our marriage was tested in a mighty big way. As much as I love my hubby, the “like him” part was on the low end of my wife barometer. Truth be told, the past year and a half has been extremely hard, and we’ve often found ourselves just going through the motions to get by – one day at a time. 

    Unfortunately, this made a perfect path for the enemy to weasel his way right into our home, our family, and within the sacred confines of our marriage. Grr. It all began after our teen disobeyed our boundaries again, leaving us both flustered, frustrated, and severely disappointed. Maybe it was the straw that broke the camel’s back or the fact that we were both running on empty.

    Needless to say, this situation put a huge damper and strain on our marriage. So, after my oldest and I exchanged some rather harsh words, I plopped down angrily on the couch and felt the heat of my husband’s side-eye. And well, let me tell you – that was all I needed to take the bait and feed my frenzy of fury. 

    I could have just gone on to bed (which I have done in the past), woke up refreshed, and then hugged my dear hubby, saying something along the lines of, “We’ve got this.” But… I didn’t. I let the enemy win by getting his big ‘ole ugly foot in the way, adding unneeded and unnecessary fuel to the fire!

    My not-so-Proverbs-31 wife reaction landed us in a place of tension for quite a few days. We were sort of cordial, I guess, but it was most certainly forced. The greetings, sweet smiles, and loving gestures were fake (almost demeaning) and not at all genuine. 

    That is until I picked up the frother… and it was working. My husband’s peace offering. I hadn’t been using it because I was too lazy to change out the batteries, yet there it was – working, almost as if to say, “We’ve got this. We will work this out.”

    A few tears slipped into my coffee that day, but it just got me thinking, we can’t be the only couple that has these awful marital arguments, can we? After all, parenting is hard, jobs are draining, and life is plain, downright challenging at times – all this and more can eventually take a toll on any marriage. 

    Ever been there?

    If so, how can we restore the peace in our marriages after a not-too-pretty argument? Well, as much as I wish I had all the answers, I know Who does! Let’s see how God ministers to our hearts during a marital conflict.

    Take Time to Cool Down

    Some of the best advice we got when we were a younger couple was to get a kitchen timer and keep it handy. This couple, who must have been our current age now (yikes, time really flies), told us that when they got into a heated argument, they took the time to “cool down.” Meaning that they set an actual timer as a visual reminder that they would not allow an argument to linger and hover for more time than necessary. During that time, they would pray and seek God’s discernment on how to handle the situation. It also prohibited them from letting a heated discussion go any further, which generally leads to hasty retorts and harsh words (Ephesians 4:29).

    Now, I realize with small children, this may be hard to do, but once you complete your parental responsibilities, and the little ones are in bed, or you have time throughout your day, set the timer, then each of you step away and pray. You can go for a long walk or take a drive too, just to cool off, clear your head, and seek wisdom (James 1:5). Then rejoin after that timer goes off and share your heart while striving to be open and receiving what your spouse has to say.

    Identify the Real Issue

    Many times, arguments form from an accumulation of things. It’s not just one thing. It’s those little things that build up, and build up, and build up – then bam! Just like that, one comment is said, or a snarky look is given, and that’s it – game on! But, wait! Hold on just a moment. Maybe before we even let it get to that point, we start by recognizing the stumbling blocks before they even take place (Matthew 18:15). 

    Is it the demands of parenting, the housework that is piling up, the stress in your jobs, or other activities? Maybe it’s the lack of trust as boundaries or lines are being crossed, or it’s several little foxes that have gotten into your vineyard (Song of Solomon 2:15). Friend, we must protect our marriages and guard them against all the brutal attacks this world will continually throw at them. We must also realize that Christian marriages are not jaded by this! In fact, the enemy has his evil eye on faithful marriages that love God; they are his prime target!

    So, it is so important that we identify the potential threats, call them out, and pray out loud over our marriage. Start in your bedroom as you proclaim Scriptures over your bed, sanctuary, and safe place that is meant to bring passion and restore love in your union. Invite God into your marriage and cast out all evil. We cannot let the deceiver get a foothold!

    Be Quick to Apologize

    This sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But why is it so hard? Sigh. I will admit that I am not generally quick to apologize. In fact, arguments emotionally drain me, so much so, that I have been known to fall asleep shortly after we have one. You can imagine this slightly irritates my hubby, who really likes to fix problems as soon as they come up.

    While Ephesians 4:26 may tell us not to let the sun go down on our anger, oftentimes, we misunderstand this verse, and pausing for a while may be the best thing we can do. It’s the bitterness that this passage is referring to, so that is what we should keep in mind. Paul tells us that anger is not necessarily wrong or sinful when it is controlled. Yet, when we let it fester and long for vengeance, this leads to sinful thoughts and actions. As believers, there should be issues that are offensive to our God and should stoke righteous anger. When the enemy is tampering with our marriage, that is most certainly a time to be angry – with the enemy!

    That being said, when we take a moment to cool down (or rest for the night), we realize we are both dealing with outside pressures that are trying to sabotage what God joined together. This should move us to be angry about the enemy trying to strip us of joy, peace, and love. The easy fix is to simply say, “I’m sorry….”

    A heartfelt and sincere apology can go a long way in your marriage (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Start with simply saying, “I’m sorry.” Then, add to it what you are sorry for and validate the feelings of your spouse.

    Extend a Simple Peace Offering

    As you may already be well aware, these heated marital situations can take a bit of time to restore and reclaim peace. It may take hours, days, or even weeks. Maybe you have been dealing with tension for a while now. Sometimes we need outside help from a professional to get us through hard and trying seasons. Recognize the season you and your spouse are in and take the steps needed to head toward healing. 

    However, we mustn’t disregard the peace and joy that can come from simple gestures of kindness (Ephesians 4:32). When we take the time to truly think about our spouse and their needs and extend forgiveness, something truly beautiful can happen. We allow God to move in our hearts and repair the wounds acquired. 

    So, whether it’s replacing batteries in a milk frother or making him a cup of coffee the way he likes it and bringing it to him in bed, do something that shows you are extending forgiveness and welcoming peace. Other simply sweet gestures include writing a touching note, extending a hug, making his favorite meal, or speaking his love language.

    I’ll end with this, sweet sister, my simple words of encouragement for you – you are not alone. It can often feel like that after an intense and ugly argument, but God is with you, He is rooting for you, and He deeply cares for the sanctity of your marriage. Let Him lead and guide you, as you place your trust in Him. 

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    LISTEN: Overcoming Fear in Marriage

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

    Click here to read the full article.

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  • 21 Creative Ways to Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary

    21 Creative Ways to Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary

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    “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10

    Next month will be twenty-one years since I said, “I do” to my tall, spiky-haired blonde, blue-eyed heartthrob. Twenty-one years! That just seems so crazy to me. It still feels like yesterday, standing in a flower-draped gazebo on a windy day before family and friends pledging our love. 

    How did we get here? How quickly the time went by!

    As I reflect on years of the past and the sweet and special ways we have celebrated our love, from the monumental anniversaries to the mini celebrations, I must admit that God has richly blessed us. We have been fortunate enough to take some nice little getaways or head out to a romantic dinner. Thanks to the help of my parents, we took a trip to Hawaii for our ten-year wedding anniversary and renewed our vows on the beach. It was truly amazing and marked memories that will last a lifetime!

    This past year for our twentieth year we had high hopes of venturing outside of the States to experience the romance of Paris. A place I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. We had been saving up for this trip for quite some time and made a promise that for our twentieth we would do whatever we could to celebrate such a monumental wedding anniversary. But, then life happened, and due to unforeseen challenges and tragedy that literally brought us to our knees with grief, those plans were put on stand-by. It’s still a dream and God willing it may happen, one day.

    Throughout the years, we’ve had many highs and lows when it comes to celebrating our union, and we just try to make the best of it. There have been times that we have celebrated holding hands at a softball field watching our daughter, to times we have cuddled up to watch a movie, popping in a pizza at 10 o’clock at night. In other words, our anniversary celebrations haven’t always been so grand. But, we do our best to acknowledge the season that we are in and honor the vows we took to one another, aiming to recognize the blessing of another year together.

    How Will You Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary?

    Well, if you and your sweetie have that special day coming up, let’s discover some fun and simply sweet ways to honor your love and celebrate. It doesn’t always have to be a lavish trip or dining at an elegant restaurant. While those are nice and lovely gestures, there are so many creative ways that can fit within your budget and your family’s needs, while still fanning the flame of your marriage.  

    Below is a list of twenty-one ways (yes twenty-one) to celebrate your special day. Some ideas are fairly lavish, while others are a little lower-key, but, it’s just a starting point to get your wheels turning. It’s also fun to plan these things together, as it builds anticipation. So, open your heart to your spouse and see what strikes their fancy, then go! Go and celebrate!

    Rejuvenate with a Stay-cation. When you can’t venture too far, a staycation may be the perfect option. Reconnect and enjoy a romantic getaway close to home that won’t break the bank yet gives you time to let the stress of life go. 

    Take a Cooking Class. Spice up your love by taking a cooking class. There is something simply romantic about preparing a meal together that forces closeness and brings excitement to try new flavorful recipes.

    Book a Couple’s Spa. Ahhhh. Melt your cares away with a side-by-side couples massage. Let the aromas and release of everyday stress welcome in peace and tranquility.

    Take a Road Trip. Family trips are fun, but when you travel with just your spouse, it opens up a segway to just enjoy each other’s company, and really focus on your marriage. 

    Go on a Romantic Picnic. What’s sweeter than taking a picnic basket and blanket to a local park and enjoying a beautiful day – together? Yeah, I can’t think of too many things better than that either.

    Renew Your Vows. This is usually saved for those milestone anniversaries but can be done any time really. Reclaiming your love is always important, and there are so many ways this can be done. You can share the special moment with family or friends or simply say your vows just the two of you. But do what speaks to your heart and what will capture the essence of your love story.

    This verse is one you may want to share: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

    Take a Dancing Class. Dancing is a great way to draw in and get close to one another. It also provides ample space for fun and laughter.

    Go to a Comedy Show. Laughter really is the best medicine, right? Some great Christian comedians to check out are Tim Hawkins, Jeff Allen, Leanne Morgan, Taylor Mason, or John Crist. 

    Remember that “a cheerful heart is good medicine.” Proverbs 17:22

    Check out a Local Museum. Whether you are a history buff or into the arts, explore new things and find something that speaks to you both, then go check it out! 

    Recreate Your First Date. I simply love this one! We have tried this a few times, and now the place where we met is no longer there, but it is still fun to take a trip back in time and go down memory lane. It opens up great dialogue and brings back those tender feelings. 

    Write Each Other Love Letters. This simply sweet way to honor your marriage allows you to be both romantic and vulnerable. Two things that are needed in a marriage. Share your whole heart with your spouse and watch the sparks fly.

    Sip up at a Wine or Coffee Tasting. Visit a winery or coffee shop and take a class to find what you enjoy and what meets your preferences. Toasting to your marriage while savoring your palate and tastebuds may rekindle the romance in your marriage.

    As Ecclesiastes 8:15 says, “Enjoy life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad.”  

    Play a Round of Putt-putt. Looking for more adventure and fun? Try your hand at a round of putt-putt. Let this bring out your playful side and maybe even add a little competition too.

    Check out a Quaint B&B. A bed and breakfast are a great alternative to your average hotel. Not only do they usually have more of a personal flair while providing a delicious breakfast in the morning, but they tend to be pretty cost-effective as well. Bonus!

    Replay Your Wedding Day. Bring out the scrapbooks, photo albums, and videos, and then… just reminisce. Share and talk about all those special memories that were created on your very special day.

    Get Out on the Water. Get a kayak, go on a boat ride, or take a dinner cruise, but get out on the water and explore its one-of-a-kind beauty. 

    Visit an Arcade. Tap into your inner child and hit up a local arcade and see who the real “gamer” is! This is always a fun way to see who is truly more competitive.

    Go to a Drive-in Movie. There are several drive-ins across the country, but if you can’t locate one nearby, check out a theater that does dinner and a movie. They always seem to offer a fun and different experience.

    Get Artsy. Take a fun painting class. Many places offer painting classes just for couples, so go on a double date or get to meet some new friends! Then bring home a personalized pretty picture to hang on your wall.

    Get Out in Nature. Get off the beaten path and go explore a hiking trail or nature park that is nearby. Let it draw you closer together while seeing all the beauty and goodness of God’s creation.

    Rent a Cool Car and Drive. Take that cool convertible out for a spin with “your date” and let the good times roll! Literally!

    Well, there you have it, my friends! Twenty-one creative ways to celebrate your marriage. May these merely be a springboard to go off of as you find ways to celebrate your love in a unique way that reigns in your love story. May God richly bless you both as you grow more deeply in love and have many, many more years celebrating together. Happy Anniversary!

    “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

    Photo Credit: ©Andre Hunter/Unsplash

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • Ways to Serve Your Hubby

    Ways to Serve Your Hubby

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    “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24

    This popular, and often misunderstood, verse found in Ephesians unveils the beautiful image of a bride serving and deeply loving her groom. There are two key takeaways to this message that Paul so eloquently shares with the church in Ephesus. The first being that a godly marriage is all about submitting to Christ and seeking His way. The second being that we are called to recognize our husband as leader by taking on a Christ-like servant’s heart.

    So, what does a godly marriage look like? Love and service! God designed marriage so we would serve one another in order to grow closer to Him (Ephesians 5:21)! The truth is a husband needs certain things that only his wife can supply, and vice versa. That’s because God created us to complement one another. And, when we do serve our spouse, we essentially share God’s love and exemplify Christ. 

    1 Corinthians 13 so beautifully states, “love is patient, love is kind…It protects, trusts, hopes, and always preserves. Love never fails!” Serving others pretty much follows suit. Service comes from a heart of longing to love your husband with patience, kindness, striving to protect him, trust him, and find hope in your marriage. When spouses serve one another, maybe even going to such lengths as to outdo each other in service, marriages thrive!

    On that note, let’s unpack some ways to do just that and find some sweet and meaningful ways to serve your hubby:

    Tap into His Love Language

    More than likely, you have heard about the five love languages, developed by Gary Chapman. It’s basically the five different ways we give and like to receive love, which include: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. If we want to serve our hubby’s well, it’s important to get in tune with his love language (while also understanding our own). While we all need a little of all of these types of love, there are generally a few that stand out for each of us.

    My husband is big on quality time, and I am a physical touch kind of girl, so many nights we just talk on the coach after our daughters go to bed and touch base about our day. He’ll often rub my feet, and it’s a great way we actively serve one another.

    Think about your dear hubby and what love language he receives well. Then try a few of these ways to minister to his heart.

    If he is a words of affirmation guy, try saying a few of these “terms of endearment”:

    -“I trust you.”

    -“Thank you for providing for us.”

    -“You are a good man.”

    -“You make me a better woman.”

    -“I appreciate all that you do” (and name those things).

    If he craves quality time, try being more intentional about your time together.

    -Go on routine date nights.

    -Play and laugh together.

    -Actively listen.

    -Try a hobby together.

    -Cook together.

    If he likes you to perform acts of service, then be mindful of your everyday tasks.

    -Do his laundry.

    -Clean his workspace.

    -Make him coffee in the morning.

    -Wash his car.

    -Make his favorite meal.

    If he enjoys receiving gifts, remember it is the thought that truly counts.

    -Create things from the heart such as a photobook, scrapbook, or collage.

    -Remember special dates and give a card or sweet sentiment.

    -Have lunch delivered to him at work.

    -Get his favorite snacks at the store.

    -Have a special place for mementos from your travels or special events.

    If he likes physical touch, be sure to express your love in physical ways.

    -Hug him tight when he comes home from work.

    -Rub his back after a long day.

    -Snuggle up close during a movie.

    -Be playful by nuzzling his neck or combing your fingers through his hair.

    -Hold his hand.

    Get in His Head

    There is a beautiful and wonderful way that God created a man and a woman, especially when it comes to living in harmony with one another. However, we can so easily take things for granted and quickly gloss over the fact that a man is more physically inclined, while a woman tends to lean more into her emotions. And, yes that may be more or less true, but without a clearer understanding of how God views a man and woman, we are missing the mark.

    It’s obvious that men and women are different. But, if we really want to be the wives God is calling us to be, we must learn to understand the way God created our man! God’s design for manhood is simple, and it is called out in 1 Corinthians 16:13, when Paul says to be watchful, stand firm in your faith, “act like men,” and be strong!

    It’s not hard to see that our culture today is afraid of God-fearing men, and rightfully so. That’s because they have a God that goes before them, stands beside them, and urges them to walk with faithful steps filled with passion and courage! Their mission is to lead and protect their family! They were initially created that way by a purposeful God!

    What does this mean for us? We can serve our husbands by tapping into our emotions and getting into his head. In a good way, might I add. Start by praying for him and asking God to help your husband be the man he was designed to be. Then, with love, speak kindness, goodness, and respectfully proclaim strength over his mind to resist the schemes of this world and to stand firm in his faith. Because friend, faith-filled men are in a battle like we’ve never seen before. They need us to be on their side and gently (and tenderly) remind them that God made them to be strong and we truly appreciate that side of them!

    Feed His Soul

    My husband was raised by his grandmother, and so growing up, he didn’t miss a meal. Food was his love language – ha! When we met, I wasn’t the greatest cook, and let’s just say we had a few mishaps even well into our first few years of marriage. There were quite a few take-out menus stuck to our fridge, and the pizza deliver guy knew us by name. But, over time, I realized that food really spoke to my guy, and I needed to feed his soul. So, I called his grandmother, got some of her “famous” recipes, and found new ways to cook.

    All that to say, we must find what feeds our hubby’s soul, and do so with a happy heart and positive attitude. Tap into his needs, and then do your best to meet them. If you are unsure what his needs are, then ask. It’s really that simple. If he doesn’t know or is unsure how to communicate them to you, start with a simple act of kindness or a thoughtful gesture. Cook his favorite meal or grab his hand and ask him about his day. 

    I know the scoreboard may want to come out here, as your inner needs declare, “What has he done for me lately?” And, I get it, trust me. However, if we shift our mindset and realize that when we serve (and give), it often grows into something beautiful. Remember that marriage is an act of obedience to God. We serve our husbands because we are called to and in doing so we are being chiseled to be more like Christ. 

    Touch His Heart

    It is said that most men aren’t mushy-gushy, meaning they don’t really know how to tap into their emotional side. However, I would beg to differ. While it may not be every man’s strong suit, when they are around those they feel genuinely comfortable with and deeply love, they tend to let their guard down. 

    That means as our relationships grow, our men become a little more transparent and vulnerable with us. However, that in mind, as wives, we must honor and respect this place and handle it with care. What I mean by that is, when we damage this part of his heart, it can cause so much pain for his manhood. Let me provide you with a personal example. When my husband and I were first married, he threw out his back running on a men’s football team for his work. I tried to be there (at first) by rubbing icy hot on his back and talking sweetly to him. That allowed him to open up and share a few insecurities with me. I should have respected him and just kept nursing him to health. Instead…I laughed. His silence told me everything. I still feel bad about that!

    Ladies, we must realize that “tapping into his heart” is not going to come quite as naturally for him as it does for us. So, take it as a distinct privilege and honor when he does share and decides to open up about his feelings. Then take it as an opportunity to serve him by listening attentively, respecting him, and extending love.

    My Prayer for Your Marriage

    Lord, I lift up the marriages that have said those solemn vows and made a covenant with You. I ask that You bless their union and keep them safe from the schemes of the evil one. Please help them seek You on how to live as a faithful husband and wife, truly embracing the nature of Your beautiful design for a man and woman. Grant each of them sweet and special ways to serve one another so they can grow in their marriage and, more importantly, grow closer to You. I ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • Creative Mother-Daughter Date Ideas for Fall

    Creative Mother-Daughter Date Ideas for Fall

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    Hey there, are you a girl momma too? Well, welcome to the club! As a mom of three daughters, I am always on the hunt for fun ideas and special ways to spend time with each of my girls. Now that I have two teens, let’s just say that this momma has to get a little (or a lot) creative. And let me tell you – I am so thankful it is fall! Bring on the harvest festivals and many mother/daughter date ideas. Yahoo!

    Yep, I really do love fall! There is just something truly special about this time of year. It’s as if the whisper of the wind and the glow from this sweet season waft in with an open invitation to spend time with those we dearly love! As cute scarecrows and plump pumpkins make their debut once again, they carry a warm welcome that declares, “Come on in, get cozy, and soak it all in – the sights, the smells, and all the fall flavors.”

    So, maybe, like me, you are ready to relish this season and create some lasting memories with your precious daughter, but you need some ideas. Well, my sweet “girl momma” friend, you have come to the right place. Below, you will find merely a few ideas to get you started. Whether you have a sweet little miss or an adoring adult, there is something to meet every momma and daughter. But let me assure you, nothing is too crazy or costly, as this is more of a means to bond with your sweet girl, keeping it simple yet fun! At the same time, realize that taking some time (even briefly) for a festive fall mother/daughter date will cultivate your relationship and be so worth it!

    And now, without further ado, here we go, my friends; let’s step into fall together with our dear daughters and enjoy the moments and the glorious gifts this season has to offer!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AzmanL

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  • Why You Should Always Greet Your Husband Warmly

    Why You Should Always Greet Your Husband Warmly

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    I’m gonna start with a story of sorts. When my hubby and I were first married, we owned this little 700-square-foot condo in the middle of town. A few months before we said “I do,” we worked tirelessly to get this little place in shape. My dear parents and grandmother even came over and helped us tear down walls, throw in a new kitchen sink, and replace the icky yellowish-green carpet all in a means to make it more appealing. There was even flowery pink and green 1950’s wallpaper still stuck to the walls, incase you couldn’t picture it. Yep, we had our work cut out for us! Needless to say, we saw the potential of this precious place and bought it in hopes to “fix it up” and get it ready for our new life together.

    But, more than anything else, what really wooed and romanced my young heart was the extra-long hallway that stretched from the front door to the living room. It screamed, “This is perfect for running and jumping on your hubby when he gets home from work!” And, that is exactly what I did! For three years my hubby perfected the art of throwing aside his briefcase and bracing himself just in time for me to come blazing in at full speed, all in a means to smother him in love. 

    Ahhh… young love. I miss those days. I think if I tried that now, it would either throw out his back or we’d both end up in the emergency room – ha! But, that still doesn’t stop me from greeting my man with a warm “hello” and twinkle in my eye that shows I absolutely adore him.

    Okay, so maybe by now you are thinking, this girl is way too much. I get that, and I’ve heard that sentiment before. Over the years, when I have shared my young love greeting story, the response is generally the same, insinuating that my eagerness to greet my hubby is due to my hopelessly romantic heart, or that’s just what “newlyweds” do. 

    But sweet friend, it’s so much more than that! Greeting one another in a friendly manner is what we are encouraged to do as believers as it promotes a deeper connection with one another (2 Corinthians 13:12). So, in essence, there should always be a sense of excitement when we see our other half, right? And, if not, maybe we should change our mindset. 

    Now don’t misunderstand, I do get when tension or stress piles up, putting a strain on a marriage, making any greeting challenging or uncomfortable. But the truth is, we must try. The reason is that a warm greeting could change everything, really! For one, it could soften hearts and open minds. 

    So, the question stands – should you be greeting your sweet guy whole-heartedly with a warm and friendly greeting every single day? Yes! 100% yes! Does it have to be an elaborate and bold greeting where you drop everything and run over jumping on him? No, but when you greet him warmly, with a little enthusiasm, it touches his heart, setting a loving tone for your marriage.

    Let’s dig a little deeper as why your man needs you to greet him with a gleam in your eye and pep in your step, and in turn, tune up the heat between the two of you! 

    He Will Feel Appreciated

    There is a primary need that is built into the heart of every man, and it is to know that what he is doing truly matters. It’s pretty cliché to say that men are black and white, and they don’t really have many feelings that need to be tended to. While they may think and “feel” differently because they were created by God to be leaders, protectors, and providers (Genesis 1:27, 1 Corinthians 16:13, Ephesians 5:25, Proverbs 24:5-6), they still require a unique set of needs from their wife to feel loved. Appreciation tops the list, closely after showing him honor and respect. In other words, our husbands need to know that what they are doing is appreciated, valued, and important. 

    So, how does a warm and friendly greeting show you appreciate, honor, and even respect your husband? That sweet gesture says “thank you” in action, while showing you don’t take his provision for granted. It also opens up an invitation to shower him in thanks and praise. These words and actions can mean the world to your man. It’s often the little things that will keep him going and give him the strength and ability to push through a rough day or challenging job. Speak to his heart, and appreciate him with loving hello.

    It Will Make Him Excited to See YOU!

    Ask yourself this… is your hubby excited to see you? Does he light up when you’ve been apart? Sadly, many friends I have spoken to over the years have the same defeated answer, and it just breaks my heart. Ladies, we’ve got to change this. And we can! Yes, it can start with us. When we make it a point to show our guy that we are so excited to see them, in time, they will be just as excited to see us! 

    Let me rewind a bit and address the potential problem though, first. Over time, we build complacency in our marriages, things get stale, or past hurts keep resurfacing, storing tension and bitterness. In time, we bend and sway to the melody of or emotions. Being more of the “feelers,” it causes us to build walls by pushing away to prevent getting our feelings hurt even more. However, our husbands don’t always know how to respond, so they retreat. Now you’ve become more like roommates than lovers! 

    Friend, this should make us angry! If we want to feel anything, we should be upset that the enemy uses this sneaky tactic to divide us! But rather than letting the evil win, we must strive to push past all the feelings and do something. While greeting your hubby warmly won’t solve everything, it is a start. Get creative and strive to serve his heart by tapping into his love language. If he is acts of service, then greet him with his favorite meal. If he is more of a physical touch kind of guy, greet him with a lingering hug. If he likes quality time, invite him to help you prep dinner and strive to make it fun for him. Being intentional and finding ways to speak into his heart will eventually open him up to receiving it, therefore, feeling motivated to return the love. Before you know it – you’ll both be excited to see one another!

    It Builds Intimacy and Closeness

    A simple greeting can trigger a wide range of benefits for your marriage. For one, it shows that you are in this together and your actions can extend encouragement and support to face whatever the days ahead hold. A simple hug, kiss, or glance offers hope, welcomes love, and extends forgiveness. The best part is that when we make a conscious effort to greet our sweet spouse warmly, it also opens up an invitation for the beautiful gift of intimacy. 

    God’s plan for our marriages is to connect us in a deeper way while understanding His unconditional love for us. God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, so He made a helper, and Eve, the first woman, was formed (Genesis 2:18). We see in this first story of man that God wanted us to have a special union and unique companionship with another human. There is no other human bond like it. God also had a purpose for us to have children and raise them up to learn about Him and His unfailing love (Psalm 127:4). Due to His love for us, He gave us the gift of intimacy, and the closeness it brings in the marital bed to fulfill these purposes. Our intimacy and closeness as we physically become one flesh nurtures our marriage and essentially glorifies God.

    Practice and Perfect “The Holy Kiss”

    According to Google and other sources (gotta love when it starts off that way, right?), “experts” say married couples should be kissing at least three times a day! Some even claim they should kiss 5 or more times, with one being a “passionate” kiss lasting more than a few seconds. Do you and your honey do that? I’ll admit that sadly, we don’t. But, it does bring me right back to our newlywed days when kissing didn’t just come naturally, but rather excitedly too!

    Whether you and your hubby need to brush back up on your kissing skills or not, we need to address the “holy kiss.” While it is referred to in the Bible as a sign of peace among believers when Paul tells the church to greet one another with a “holy kiss,” it can still be applicable to us today. I’m not saying to greet your fellow brothers and sisters with a “kiss.” That may be awkward! But, the point here is that we can often be genuine in our greeting towards others, especially fellow believers, but fail to extend that sweet greeting to our own spouse. 

    If you haven’t kissed your hubby in a while, especially in a passionate, lingering sense, then take a trip down memory lane when the anticipation of his kiss was what you lived for. If that doesn’t jog your memory, then turn to Song of Solomon for some inspiration. 

    Keep in mind that you and your dear husband were designed to kiss, show affection, and build intimacy. Besides, I hear there are amazing health benefits to this sweet little exchange, such as the release of endorphins that can relieve stress and anxiety. Who knows, once you make it more regular, you might feel better too! If nothing else, it sure gives you something to look forward to, and it’s just fun!

    Now, go! Greet that hubby of yours in a sweet and tender way and let the sparks fly in your marriage!

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Prostock-Studio

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • 6 Threats Christian Marriages Face in Today’s Culture

    6 Threats Christian Marriages Face in Today’s Culture

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    It isn’t too hard to see that in today’s standard, the concept of marriage has changed and morphed into something very far from God’s design. People are hurting and grasping for love, any kind of love, as a means of validation and acceptance. However, the underbelly is ugly, as evil has become mingled and intertwined with the lustful ways of our sinful nature and flawed flesh.

    The truth is our culture is in desperate need of hope and a reminder of the pure, real, and true love God offers. However, today, we see a movement drifting farther away from God’s love, giving way for the enemy to slink in and attack. Sadly, the evil plan unfolds right before our eyes as an all-out malicious attempt to sabotage God’s precious creation and rip apart the union of two souls tied together by a solemn vow. Due to this spiritual war on marriage, we can easily see the outcome, and the statistics are disturbing at best. Currently, the divorce rate for Christian couples is similar, if not higher, to that of non-believers. What is going on?

    Oh friend, take heart. This is nothing new; the enemy has been plotting to destroy what God created to be good since day one. But, that being said, we must not slip into complacency and fail to recognize the sneaky ways of the enemy. Instead, let’s choose to protect our marriages by understanding the threats we face today and then bring our vulnerable hearts before God and our spouse, seeking ways to stand firm and fight back. Below, you will find nine unique threats that target Christian marriages in today’s culture. While this list isn’t inclusive, it should be a starting point in order to open up lines of communication with your spouse. There are also verses to offer hope and a few tips on how to fight for your marriage and seek hope.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Rowan Jordan

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  • Why Your Family Needs This 7-Step Survival Plan

    Why Your Family Needs This 7-Step Survival Plan

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    It isn’t hard to see that the earth is groaning. We are living in the birthing pains, truly seeing history happen right before our eyes. As nations grow more and more tense towards one another, earthquakes, hurricanes, and massive wildfires wreak havoc all over the globe, and famine hits every country, it is all so disheartening. But the Bible is clear that this will happen leading up to the return of Jesus. So, while these times may be filled with uncertainty and may even bring on a tinge of concern, we must cling to the hope that Jesus offers us in 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17:

    For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

    In the meantime, before His return, it might be wise to prepare and set down some ground rules with your family in the event of an emergency or when a new calamity strikes. Don’t misunderstand; I am not telling you to prep for doomsday or Armageddon. Instead, I encourage you to ultimately trust God while you seek His wisdom and find ways to protect your family, especially as we see more and more weather disturbances and crises develop, affecting our food chain, finances, morals, and standard of living.

    The truth of the matter is that these are unsettling times, but God tells us not to be anxious about anything (Philippians 4:6).

    Keeping that in mind, as we prepare our survival plans, we should do our best to keep fear and anxiety out of the equation. This is merely a safety measure. However, if you tend to bend toward anxiety naturally, these times may add to your already tense tendencies. Having a plan in place will not only give you a sense of security, but it will offer a little peace as well.

    So, are you ready to unpack and uncover some ways to develop and implement a survival plan with your family? If you are, then let’s get started. Below are seven crucial things to consider and a few ways to prepare. I pray that we never have to utilize these plans, but in the awful event that we do, may we find that our preparedness allowed us to keep our families safe.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/zamrznutitonovi

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  • Prayers for Your Husband

    Prayers for Your Husband

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    When I was new to this whole marriage thing and still learning about my husband, I attended a women’s Bible Study entitled, “How to be a Godly Wife.” Feeling that I needed so much help in this area, I got to soak up a wealth of information from some pretty incredible women. When we got to the topic of praying for our husbands, one story in particular stood out to me. This sweet woman shared how she kneeled down to pray by the backdoor every day when her husband left for work. That is until, one day, he forgot his wallet and came rushing back into the house, swinging open the door and slamming her head so hard it gave her a concussion. Ouch! Talk about a powerful prayer!

    The moral of the story is this: our prayers are powerful, but if you kneel down to pray and close your eyes, just be a little aware of your surroundings. Her words, not mine – ha! But, in all honesty, I share her story to tell you that I was truly amazed (and am still amazed) at this woman’s dedication and devotion to her husband and, more importantly, to her God! 

    Friend, I will be the first to admit that I am not the best at praying diligently for my hubby. In fact, last night, as we crawled into bed and our heads hit the pillow, he let out a big sigh (we have teens, and it was a rough night). I rolled over and asked how I could pray for him. His initial response was a chuckle. I’m assuming he thought I was being sarcastic after we had a meltdown mere minutes ago with our oldest daughter. But, after a moment of thinking, he said this… “Pray that I am being obedient to God, that I serve my family well, and that I gain just a little wisdom and discernment.” Then he added, “Because sometimes I feel like I am failing.”

    My heart sort of melted. In a sense, I felt like I had failed him. The bottom line is this – our husbands desperately need our prayers, every single day. They are faced with so many trials that come with a society that is downplaying their God-given roles, stealing away their ability to be the men they were created to be, and tripping them up at every turn. When we pray for them, and better yet, let them know we are praying for them (or ask how we can pray for them), it gives them the courage to fight against all the brutal attacks that come their way.

    So, will you join me in lifting up our dear husbands and covering them in prayer? Find a “safe spot” and pour out your heart, then cover your sweet guy with the most powerful weapon you have! 

    A Prayer for Obedience

    “Peter and the other apostles replied: ‘We must obey God rather than human beings!’” Acts 5:29

    God, thank you for my husband. I lift him up to You today. Please extend Your loving presence, and move in his life in a mighty way, teaching Him the ways in which You are calling him to live. I pray that he will soak in Your Word and listen to You with an open heart, choosing to be obedient and follow You with his whole heart. Amen.

    A Prayer to Serve His Family

    “The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him.” Proverbs 23:24

    O Lord, I praise You for my husband. He is a good man and faithful husband and father. Please fill him with Your goodness and give him the strength to continue to serve his family well, especially when times get hard and he feels discouraged. Grant me the ability to speak love into his life and encourage him to find joy and rejoice in You as we raise our family together. Amen.

    A Prayer for Wisdom and Discernment

    “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5

    Father, You are all-knowing and wise, holding every single detail of our lives in Your hands. I pray that You give my sweet husband a heart that yearns to hand over his entire life to You, accepting Your will and way for His life. I pray that You would make his path so clear, that it gives him full confidence to walk in it. Grant him the ability to turn away from what is wrong and seek wise counsel and discernment when it comes to his family, career, and life-changing moments. Amen.  

    A Prayer to Walk in Humility

    “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

    Jesus, I come to You with an open heart and pray that my husband will humble himself before You. I pray that You renew his mind to not seek after the ways of the world or selfish ambition, but rather to do what is good in Your eyes and to act justly. I ask that You soften his heart to serve others by generously showing mercy and help him to lean into Your promises, reminding him that You supply our every need. Amen.

    A Prayer to Guard His Heart and Mind

    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

    Lord, You tell us not to be anxious about anything, but oftentimes I grow concerned about the enemy’s agenda to attack marriages today. So, I humbly submit my sweet husband to You. Please protect him and guard his heart and mind from the temptations of this world. Remove any sinful paths or lustful thoughts and grant him the courage and self-control to reject all evil and cling to what is good, just, right, and true. Amen.

    A Prayer for Fellowship

    “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25

    Faithful Father, I am so thankful that You created us for community to have support and accountability. Please place men in my husband’s life who will encourage him to be a godly man, husband, and father. Give him the courage to show a little vulnerability with trusted men who will offer ways to grow his faith and provide wise counsel. Spark a passion within him that will allow him to be discipled while, in turn, giving him opportunities to disciple other men. Amen.

    A Prayer for Leadership

    “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

    God, If I were being honest, it pains me when my husband feels like he is ill-equipped or unable to carry out the roles You have laid before him. The lies are often very loud, and he entertains them, as we all do. Please draw near and help him stand firm on the truth that You call him to lovingly lead, provide, and protect his family with integrity and a servant’s heart. And God, please help me be the helper and teammate he needs, so with You, we can do this life together. Amen.

    A Prayer for Provision

    “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

    Lord, You are so faithful, and your goodness overflows. We thank you for the many blessings You have so graciously given our family. Please lead and direct my husband as the provider of our home and help him make wise choices regarding our blessings and finances. Give him the heart to use the gifts You have given us to take care of the needs of our family as well as bless others. I ask this in Your holy name Amen. 

    My Prayer for YOU

    Dear God, I lift up the sweet woman who is laying eyes on this right now and striving to find meaningful prayers to cover her husband. I pray that You come alongside her and give her the courage to place her heart, worries, and requests at Your feet. Help her seek You first and foremost, handing over any heavy burdens or expectations she longs for her husband to fulfill, realizing her worth, value, and identity come from You alone. Soften her heart to see her husband the way You do, open up lines of communication so that they can connect on a deeper level, and bring Your everlasting and unexplainable peace upon their marriage as they come in and out of various seasons of this life. You are such a good Father; thank you for the beautiful gift of marriage. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/MangoStarStudio

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • Biblical Marriage Is Under Attack: How Should Christians Respond?

    Biblical Marriage Is Under Attack: How Should Christians Respond?

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    The other day, I was met with the most shocking, upsetting, and unexpected news that flooded my heart with disbelief and utter sadness. Another couple we had grown to love, do life with, and thought we knew on an intimate level were calling it quits. What? How?

    Oh, friend, it isn’t hard to see that the beautiful gift of marriage is under strong attack. Unfortunately, the sacred union that God created to be held between His beloved son and beloved daughter has been the prime target for Satan since the beginning. Shortly after Adam and Eve were created, they became the “apple of the evil one’s eye,” all in an effort to destroy God’s most prized possession and perfect creation. Sadly, he has been on the warpath ever since, wreaking havoc, and placing a wedge between what is meant to be the most sacred of human relationships.

    What is happening here and how can we respond, help, and possibly de-escalate this mass corrosion that seems to be currently taking place at warp speed? When we don’t have the answers, we must dig into His Word. Then seek His wisdom on how to respond, especially as a couple. Friend, if you are married, build in some time this week to discuss your heart and open up about some tough topics, because your marriage depends on it. 

    The Cultural War on Marriage

    Let’s start with a question. Turn to your hubby one night this week and ask him how Jesus is moving in his life. While he may give you an awkward side grin or even wonder why you are asking, there is a very valid point to all this. Sis, we need to check in on our husbands and the nature of their hearts, letting them know we deeply care about their faith journey. Asking this question periodically opens up dialogue on how we can share and show our appreciation for all the things they do, while also finding ways to pray for them. 

    Here’s the thing: We are in a full-blown war here. Really! It is that serious. Marriages that are striving to live by God’s design are under attack, big time. Maybe you have personally felt the heat from it. Now, I am not meaning to stoke any fear or cause you to go into panic mode; I am simply inviting you to connect more deeply with your husband than you ever have before and lean in closely to Jesus as you form a tightly woven chord of three (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

    The truth is that our current culture is bending into norms that are all too familiar with Sodom and Gomorrah. Sadly, Jesus tells us that the end-time events would parallel their destructive ways, and those who reject Jesus will eventually endure suffering like never before (Matthew 10:15). 

    Technology is currently developing at a rate faster than we can keep up with, allowing for more and more inappropriate content and images to be laid before our eyes. We must guard our hearts and temper our minds. The issue has become so concerning as it has proven to sway the eyes of many, bringing on hidden and secretive temptations.

    Not only that, but the uprise of same-sex marriages and a growing community of distorted views have now bent our society towards even more sinful and lustful ways. Sadly, many Christians are falling into the trap of embracing equity as a means to declare that Jesus loves all, yet they are failing to see that these views are far from God’s design for us, placing us all in very dangerous territory. The image of a biblical marriage is now often seen as a soft spot for ridicule and the ones to blame for not accepting all kinds of love.

    This is why we must communicate with our husbands and share how Jesus is moving in our lives to hold each other accountable, clinging to Jesus in these brutal times. We must talk about how God sees marriage and cling to that Truth. While we are called to love all, we must stand firm on our faith and for what is true, noble, right, and just in God’s eyes. Read the verses below with your husband, discuss the meaning, and let them be the truth on which you stand:

    “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4

    “As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” Isaiah 62:5

    “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” 1 Peter 3:7

    “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:22-28

    Satan’s Plan to Destroy Marriage

    Satan’s attack on marriage is simple. Make sin look normal and make God’s design for marriage seem outdated, too restrictive, or strange. The truth is, Satan’s strategy hasn’t changed much. Just as he tempted Eve in the garden and made that apple look utterly delicious, proving that it would open her world up to a wealth of knowledge, he does the same to us in this very day and age. 

    That being said, why would he attack or waste his time on marriages that are already fallen away or broken? He doesn’t. Instead, he fully attacks the union (or spouse) that loves God. The ones that are trying to do the right things, the couples that may be hanging on but want to honor God, or the man and woman who are living a devoted life to one another, on a mission to spread God’s love – those are his targets. Basically, anything that God deems as good and brings together will be exactly where Satan strives to divide, separate, and infest with evil. He uses distraction, temptation, and all those “little things” that add up to put us at odds with one another. Which is why we must be aware of his malicious ways, call them out, and lean into God’s Word for safe refuge and protection.

    According to Google, lack of commitment is the leading cause for many marriages to fail, followed closely by arguing, infidelity, and getting married too young. The average marriage in America tends to last 8 years, and January is supposedly being dubbed the “divorce month.” Just the sound of all that sounds heartbreaking. So, what do we do?  

    Find the potential threats to your own marriage and put up a barricade to the walls of your heart from the evil one’s invasion. Talk with your husband about his inner struggles and share your own. Be as candid as possible and take time to truly listen to one another so you work as a team to fight for your marriage.

    How Should We Respond?

    Here are two questions that you and your spouse may want to answer and decide as a couple how to respond. Then dig into God’s Word and invite God into your discussion as you seek His will and way, together.

    1. As believers, how should we respond to the cultural view on marriage?

    2. How do we respond when our friends, family, or our own marriage is the current target of the deceiver and under brutal attack?

    Read John 15:19, John 17:14-16, and 1 John 2:15. Currently, the world loves and seeks after selfishness and lustful desires rather than honoring and pleasing God. Since we are told not to conform to those ways, when we stand for Jesus and His way, we must realize that we could potentially be hated for it. In other words, we should expect others (especially non-believers) to feel uncomfortable around us, as it flips the script on how they want to live. But, on the same token, it opens up a prime opportunity to listen and show compassion for the lost. As we interact with others and come across those who place value in the current cultural view on marriage, we can respond in love, as Jesus commands us to, but also show by the fruits and actions of our own marriage what a beautiful gift God gives us in the sacred union. 

    When we see those trails affect our family and friends or our own marriage, we must tread lightly but also react quickly, seeking God’s wisdom and guidance in every step. Reflect on Ephesians 5:22-28. It calls both a husband and wife to fully submit to Christ. Wives submitting to their husband’s role as head of the family in order to lead and protect, while husbands are called to honor their wives as Christ loves the Church, cherishing and adoring her, only having eyes for her. Lean on this verse and refer to it often when attacks arise. Be sure to surround yourself with fellow believers and a community that can form an alliance. That way, when attacks come, you can pray for one another and fight the enemy together.

    Communicate and Stay Committed

    Here are a few topics/questions to openly discuss with your spouse. Carve out time to address these this week, and pray for God to lead and direct your marriage to do His will:

    -Where do you see us in two, five, ten years?

    -How can I encourage you to be a better man/woman?

    -What do you need most from me in this season of our marriage?

    -Talk about one of your favorite memories you shared together.

    -Do I speak your love language, and if not, how can I do better?

    -What are the challenges we face in our marriage, and what can we do to work through them together?

    -How can we serve God together and love others better?

    -What are some boundaries we need to put into place to better protect our marriage?

    As you open up and share your heart with one another, take time to actively listen, then take it a step further and do your best to work towards the marriage you both want, and more importantly, the beautiful union God wants for you two. May God richly bless your union and protect you both as you fight for your marriage. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Vasil Dimitrov

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • What Did Jesus Mean by ‘Two Become One’ in Mark 10:8

    What Did Jesus Mean by ‘Two Become One’ in Mark 10:8

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    And the two will become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh(Mark 10:8, emphasis added).

    That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh(Genesis 2:24, emphasis added).

    For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31, emphasis added).

    For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Matthew 19:5, emphasis added).

    There are several verses that are mentioned multiple times throughout the Bible. It’s as if it is to bring emphasis and state the importance of these Words, shining a spotlight on the Truth.

    It declares, “In case you didn’t hear the first time, here it is again, and again, and again….and again!”

    As I write this today, my sweet hubby of 20 years sits behind me in a nice polo shirt and gym shorts holding an online business call. I sort of chuckle to myself at the sight of him, recognizing our all too familiar and quite comfortable love we share.

    Honestly, I love when he works from home. He used to be here all the time, but now that he ventures into the office more often, it’s nice when he actually is here, sitting beside me, nodding with a smile when I gaze over my shoulder at him.

    I truly enjoy being married, and I love being “one” with him. That doesn’t mean we haven’t felt tension and that our marriage has been free from bumps and mishaps.

    Just like every other couple, we have had our fair share of trials and temptations, longing to split and bend to our own flesh.

    For starters, struggling with infertility at the beginning of our marriage caused us to be at odds with one another rather than coming together in hopes of creating a family.

    And more recently, after the loss of several pillar family members, the deceiver took grief and tried to place a wedge in our marriage.

    Sadly, Satan loves to meddle in our marriages and will use anything he can to pull a couple apart. He is the master of twisting the truth, causing confusion, distorting our views, and bringing division at all costs, making us fall, time and time again.

    This is why it is so important to understand what Jesus meant when He said, two become one. Let’s first get a little context behind the verses found above and why the term “become one flesh” is so invaluable in a marriage.

    It Starts with Adam and Eve

    In every verse mentioned, we see that a man will leave his father and unite with his wife. However, when it comes to Adam and Eve, they had no parents; God was their Father.

    So, what does this mean in Genesis 2:24? Well, we see God lay out the roles for family members and the importance of the example Adam and Eve set for all of us.

    God cares deeply for His creation and created us for fellowship and to do this life together, honoring and respecting one another.

    Our relationship with Him being frontstage and taking precedence over all other relationships in order for all our other relationships to thrive (Deuteronomy 6:5; Mark 12:30).

    God tells us that He created Eve so that Adam wouldn’t be alone (Genesis 2:18) and furthermore that she would be his helper. God made Eve to be a companion, a friend, and a lover.

    This is the first relationship we see between a man and a woman. A husband and a wife. While they were far from perfect and sinned against the Father, we learn so many valuable lessons from their love story.

    We learn that a marriage begins with a beautiful partnership being tethered to God (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

    God’s Design for Marriage

    Think about a recent wedding you have been to, or better yet, if you are married, think of your own blissful wedding day.

    All the emotions and feelings coursing through your views, from the excitement to the unending nerves that seemed to bring on emotions you may have never felt before.

    It was all a surreal experience. Then, it happened. You locked eyes with your spouse and exchanged the most precious vows you will ever say to another human being.

    You took a stand, made a pledge, and declared your love, with your parents, family, and friends all being a witness. You made a covenant with your spouse and God. This only happens in one human relationship — marriage.

    God’s design for marriage is simple — what God has joined together in a union; no man should separate (Mark 10:9; Matthew 19:6).

    Ephesians 5:31 tells us that a man leaves his parents in order to be joined by his wife and start a family.

    They come together as a union (as one), pursuing God’s will while being faithfully devoted to one another.

    Emotionally driven, mentally connected, physically joined, and spiritually growing. Friend, marriage is God’s investment in His kingdom, and we should take that to heart.

    Teachings from Jesus

    But what about when marriages fail, one is unfaithful, or a wedge has come between the two? Let’s see what Jesus says on this subject.

    As Jesus was teaching in Judea, the Pharisees began to question Him about marriage and the subject of divorce (Matthew 19:1-3; Mark 10:8). Yes, even in that day it was a controversial topic.

    Jesus’ response was very matter-of-fact, saying that in the beginning, God created man and woman (Matthew 19:4), as if to first reiterate the fact that a marriage is joined by a man and woman.

    Jesus further proved that God designed marriage for the purpose of connecting closely with them while growing in a special way with another human in order to procreate and start a family (Genesis 1:28).

    This sparked further debate on the Mosaic law which states in Deuteronomy 24:1 that if a man found uncleanness in his wife, then he could write her a bill of divorce. However, Jesus met them in their testiness and responded to their corrupted view of marriage.

    He took them back to the beginning, where Adam was alone and in need of a companion. God doesn’t just give Adam another animal to name or another man to befriend.

    God does something greater. He takes one of Adam’s ribs and fashions a woman. Eve was fashioned from Adam, for Adam (Genesis 2:21-24).

    Jesus continues further in Matthew 19, stating that the only grounds for divorce are due to sexual immorality. Implying that in marriage, sexual intimacy is a blessed gift and should stay in the confines of a marriage bed.

    He goes on to say that if a man (or woman) is unable to be faithful, loving, and serving their spouse, placing God over and in control of their marriage, they shouldn’t even say, “I do.”

    That is pretty powerful! Jesus points out to the crowd gathering around to hear this message that God takes marriage very seriously and has a plan and purpose for this sacred union.

    That means that we, too, should see our marriage as sacred and holy. In other words, a way to become more like Christ.

    When we build trust and serve and love our spouse, sacrificing our wants and needs to meet the needs of our “other half,” we become a united front, or one flesh that can ward off the enemy that is constantly on the attack.

    If your marriage is currently under attack, and you do not feel at one with your spouse, seek wisdom and discernment from your Father.

    Open your hurt and heart to God, and lay down all the burdens that surround your marriage — the past, the anger, the tension, the blame.

    Hand it all over and ask God to intervene, then trust that He will lead and guide you. Remind your wounded heart that your spouse is not meant to meet your need for unfailing love; they simply can’t. They will fail you, just as you will them.

    Closing Thoughts

    As mentioned before, there are many phrases and words that are repeatedly weaved throughout the Word. Unfailing love is a phrase we see time and time again. It is actually mentioned over 700 times in the Bible.

    That’s because it is the heartbeat and theme of the gospel. We all desperately crave unfailing love, and we deeply need it.

    Marriage is a beautiful gift and precious blessing that provides us with an endearing and unique type of love, bonding us together as one, but it doesn’t even come close to the unconditional and unfailing love that our God offers us!

    For further reading:

    -timothy-32.html”>What Does the ‘Husband of One Wife’ Mean in 1 Timothy 3:2?

    What Is the Biblical Definition of Marriage?

    Why Is a Covenant of Marriage Such a Radical Idea?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Vasil Dimitrov

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • Seven Pocket Prayers to Pray Over Your Friends

    Seven Pocket Prayers to Pray Over Your Friends

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    Proverbs 27:9 tells us there is nothing quite like a sweet friendship. They can refresh our souls and draw us closer to the Lord. Wow! What a blessing it is to have a God who designed us for this special kind of fellowship with other “sisters.” 

    We all need friends. The kind of friend Proverbs lays out for us! The beloved friend you can rely on for just about anything. The sister that builds you up and encourages you, pushing you beyond your limits – in a good way. The woman that helps you become a better version of yourself while gently pointing out your blind spots. The one that walks beside you cheering you on during your greatest victories and crying with you in the deepest, most sorrowful times. Due to the seasons of life and busy schedules, she may not always physically be there, but you never have to wonder where you stand with her. You are free to be yourself and know that even with your many faults and quirkiness, there is no judgment with her. Your friendship is based on love and wrapped in grace and forgiveness. You feel the honor of sharing your heart and pouring it into her as well.

    Many of our friends may be silently facing battles. It’s important to connect with friends intentionally, extending the love of Jesus as the opportunity arises. The beautiful thing about friendship is what we learn about them, ourselves, and how loving our God is. Lifting up these crucial relationships in prayer allows us to soften our hearts and gives way for us to be the loving friends we are called to be and wield our greatest weapon against the enemy. When a sweet friend is laid upon your heart, pause, and pray. As you meet with a friend for lunch, pause and pray. As you hear of trials a friend is facing, pause and pray. We have so many precious opportunities to place our hearts at the feet of Jesus and bring our friendships before Him. If words seem to fail you as you come before Him, you are not alone – take heart, friend. There is no need to say the right prayer or have the perfect words. Thankfully, God knows the nature of our hearts. 

    Below you will find seven simple (but powerful) pocket prayers alongside a verse of Scripture. Pray and recite the verses over your friends, personalizing them to meet their needs and requests. 

    Pray for Her Faith.

    Heavenly Father, I humbly come before You with an open heart. I sincerely ask that You step in and boldly proclaim Your unfailing and unwavering love over my dear friend. Open her eyes to see Your wonders and soak in Your goodness. Reignite her faith and give her a passion and zeal to see You in her life. Amen. 

    “For we live by faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5:7

    Pray for Her Family.

    God, Your design for the family unit is indeed good. I pray that you dwell in the heart of my sweet friend’s home. Speak love and life into her marriage. Give her wisdom and strength to be the mom You are calling her to be and restore fragile relationships that need Your gracious mending. Amen.

    “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” – Proverbs 31:10

    Pray for Her Career.

    Lord, we are so grateful for all the beautiful roles You have blessed us with as Your daughters. I lift my precious friend up to You and pray that as she encounters career shifts, she can find a healthy work/life balance. Please ignite her passions and use the gifts You have given her to do great things. Amen.

    “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” – Colossians 3:23

    Pray for Her Heart.

    Faithful Father, You are a God calling after our own hearts. You long for a deep relationship with us and draw us in through sacred moments. Thank you for Your faithfulness. I pray for my friend to have intimate encounters where she can be still before You. Let it prompt her to rejoice and delight in You, God. Amen. 

    “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” – Matthew 22:37

    Pray for Her Strength.

    Jesus, You are our source of strength, and we thank You for covering us in Your mighty power in our weakness. With a grateful heart, I ask that You intercede on behalf of my sweet friend, who desperately needs Your grace, mercy, and wisdom. When she feels forsaken, discouraged, or alone, please come alongside her and give her the comfort she needs to rely on You. Amen. 

    “You are my strength, I watch for you; you, God, are my fortress.” –  Psalm 59:9

    Pray for Her Hardships.

    O Lord, You tell us that we will encounter trials and hardships in this life. However, in the midst of trying times, it can be difficult to see the light through the thick fog of pain. So, with a heart that longs to console my precious friend, I ask that You give me discernment on how to bring her comfort. I pray that You draw near and provide rest for her restless heart and peace to her soul. Amen.

    “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

    Pray for Her Hope and Healing.

    Faithful Father, as your daughters, we long to cling to Your promises and glean from the hope You provide within the pages of Your Word. Please help us submit to Your will and ways, and forgive us where we may fail You. As my friend yearns for hope and needs healing, I pray that You restore the fragile parts of her heart and mend her from within as only You can. Provide her a pathway forward and allow me to encourage her in ways that draw her back to You, Lord. I pray this in Your precious name. Amen.

    “And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” – James 5:15

    My Prayer for You.

    Lord, I lift up the sweet sister reading this and striving to lift up and cover her friends in prayer and shower them in Scripture. I pray You capture her heart and remind her of Your incredible love for her, first and foremost. Bless her friendships, drawing them closer together while allowing them to draw closer to You. Place sweet friends in her life that grow her faith, enrich her family, and encourage her to use her gifts to glorify You. If she finds herself in a season of loneliness, equip her to use that time to rely solely on You and develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship with her spouse, children, or close family. We are so thankful. You provide us with friends we can do this life with. You are such a good Father. May we aim to please You in our sweet friendships. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Zorica Nastasic

    For more verses on healing, click here.

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • Six Things I Want My Daughters to Know

    Six Things I Want My Daughters to Know

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    Having three daughters of various ages, all with their own unique make-up, personality, and set of skills, the emotional energy in our home is high and rather colorful. But don’t get me wrong. I love being a “girl mom.” God has slowly been working on my heart, giving me a fresh perspective with each new and emerging season. Thankfully, in time, I’ve not only grown in this role and learned to embrace it, but I can say that I truly appreciate it as well.

    Even still, I must admit I have much more to learn. Especially when my words fall short, my actions don’t always demonstrate my love for them, creating distance and tension. Sigh. Longing to have a special bond with them but knowing our relationship is naturally fragile, it often encounters a tidal wave of highs and lows.

    As I scroll through endless pictures on my phone and relive the past, I also notice they are growing up right before my eyes. When I glance at my oldest, I realize just how quickly time gets away from us, and I wonder how to seize these moments. I find myself asking, how can I etch truth in their hearts before they leave and make an imprint on this world?

    Maybe you also find yourself wishing you could freeze time and place precious truths into the pockets of your daughter’s heart. Oh, friend, you are not alone. Maybe together, we speak truths over our darling daughter’s hearts while slowly (and tearfully) releasing them into a world that desperately needs their shining and radiant light!

    So, when you are sitting on her bed at night, and she wants to spill the tea on her day, share your heart too. When you are traveling in the car, and she is catching up on her social life, casually work truths in. When you are eating dinner, shopping for a new dress, curling her hair, or have a spontaneous moment when she is receptive and listening, let her know, and tell her…

    1. You are SO Loved

    “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” –  John 15:9

    Sweet girl, you will come into dark seasons where you may forget your worth. You may even feel unlovable. People will hurt or disappoint you, leaving you to feel used or forgotten. Please know that where people will fail you, Jesus never ever will! His love for you is indescribable; you can always depend on Him! There is nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you! And just so you know, the same goes for me, dear daughter. I will always love you, no matter what.

    2. You Have a Purpose

    “’ For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” –  Jeremiah 29:11

    Unfortunately, our plans don’t always pan out. We can pray about them, talk about them ad nauseum, hope, and dream about our heart’s desires, but sometimes that isn’t what God wants for us. Just remember God’s plans are always better. They may not make sense or even come with disappointment or pain, but His will and ways are always for our own good. Remember, His timing is perfect. His way is perfect, and His will for you is what you need to pray for. Let God lead your dreams, hopes, and desires, and watch what He does!

    3. Your Choices Matter

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

    Every choice you make (big or small) will have some sort of impact on your life. You choose to play from the friends you allow in your life to the sports. Sometimes you will make good choices, and unfortunately, there will be times that you do not. Guilt and shame will be wrapped in those decisions. Eventually, they can lead you to believe things that aren’t true. This is where you must get in tune with discerning the pull of the Holy Spirit. Think and pause before you make a decision. Most importantly, allow God to lead you to the right paths and trust Him with every decision you make.

    4. You Will Fail…And That’s Okay 

    “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

    This may be hard to hear, but you will fail and mess up. You will make a decision that goes against the foundation set before you. You will know and feel it, yet may still choose to do it. This will break my heart. I may even grow angry or upset. But the truth is, you may fall and even fail, but that is not where you have to stay! You always have the choice to get back up and take ownership of your choice with grace and dignity. The point is you may fail, but you don’t have to be defeated. Grace, forgiveness, and freedom come with letting go and giving it to God. 

    5. Your Beauty Will Radiant from Within

    “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

    It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the world’s standard of beauty, especially as it is plastered everywhere and easily found by scrolling your phone. Not to mention quickly falling into the comparison trap as you notice pretty girls at school or take notice of celebrities and their traits, wondering if you can somehow achieve the same. Pinterest may offer a slew of information on enhancing your eyes or clearing your skin, but it’s not the form of beauty you should be chasing after. It will never be enough at some point, so please don’t fall for it! Beauty is found in the girl that takes care of her heart. The one that shows compassion and gentleness to others. The one that embraces her femininity and honors her body with modesty. The one that takes care of herself from the inside out. You are so beautiful, sweet girl, always remember that!

    6. You Are Meant to Stand Apart

    “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

    The world is so loud! Many lies will come after your fragile heart. It will declare things that go against God and His Word. If you are unsure of right or wrong, stay tuned in by getting involved in a Bible study, seek fellowship, and search out mentors who can walk beside you and lead and guide you. You were not meant to be a part of this world or conform to its radical ways. Rather, you were made to be set apart! You were bought with a price and therefore serve a valuable purpose. So, your life will look and feel different, and it’s supposed to. Don’t fear standing alone or standing up for what is noble, true, good, and righteous. Seek God first and His will; from that, let your love for Him shine through as you love others.

    A Prayer for My Daughters

    Faithful Father,
    Thank you for the precious gift of each of my daughters. Please come alongside each of us as we grow in our relationship with You and bond with one another. Help lead and guide me as their mom to offer sound wisdom with strong conviction and carry that out with gentleness and compassion. 

    Lord, I ask that You be with my daughters as they grow into the women You call them to be. Etch in their heart the unwavering love You have for them. Help them seek Your will and way, offer discernment, and remind them who they are in You alone. Give them a passion to live boldly for You, and always to remember who they are as Your beloved daughter. Amen. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/IvanJekic

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • Why Are We to Weep for Those Who Weep?

    Why Are We to Weep for Those Who Weep?

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    In just a few days, it will have been a year since my mom slipped away from this world and entered the arms of Jesus. Easter was the last holiday we celebrated.

    I remember it like it was yesterday. Our family all sat in the living room joking and laughing about who knows what, recalling the good ‘ole times.

    But, while I have no recollection of our conversation, I do remember sitting right next to my mom, placing a hand on her knee a few times, like I always do as I share stories. It’s my go-to tendency. And her smile. Her radiant smile as I went on and on, story after story, and she just listened.

    I miss that.

    The days after came with some pretty harsh realities. We are never fully prepared for the loss of a loved one, especially one that was loved so very dearly.

    The echoing sounds of hospital beeps and doctors dosing out the unthinkable diagnosis replayed in my mind for weeks, causing me to slip into a state I had never been in before.

    I can still remember watching my dad (who is the calmest and most sincere man you will ever meet) break down, hitting the side of the hospital wall with his fist, wailing in a way I had never heard.

    After the whirlwind of services and standing before a bunch of family and friends to deliver a speech about my mom that I somehow managed to get through without too many tears, I had moments in which I sat alone and cried until I had no tears left.

    Pain does that. Greif can trigger all sorts of emotions. I tell you this story because after about a week of my precious mom being gone, I had a dear friend not only bring over dinner but sit with me. She didn’t really talk, but rather listened — intently. Then she did something that moved me beyond words. She wept with me!

    I never told her how much that meant to me. The notion of her recognizing my sorrow and grief meant more to me than she will probably ever know.

    As one that has experienced grief a few times on this journey, I have begun to learn and understand to an extent, the impact we can have on others when they undergo turmoil and pain. It’s in these times that we can be the hands and feet of Jesus (Matthew 18:8).

    Jesus Is Our Example

    Maybe the sound of weeping with others makes you feel a tad bit uncomfortable. I can understand that, but as believers, we are actually commanded to be humble servants of the Lord.

    Let’s dive into Romans and take a look at what that actually looks like. The entire Book of Romans is chockful of wisdom, given to us in Paul’s letters, touching greatly upon God’s grace and salvation.

    Since the human heart and mind naturally bends towards sin and can easily get swayed by the things of this world, God gave us a redemption plan with Jesus.

    Jesus came to live a human life as an example for us. Jesus shows us how to love others, not just with words or simple actions, but to love with selfless sacrifice.

    Romans 12:9 tells us that love is sincere. We are called to love one another as brothers and sisters in Christ, honoring one another higher than ourselves (Romans 12:10). We are to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer, and practice hospitality (Romans 12:12-13).

    Love is an act of selflessness. Loving like Jesus calls us to a place of surrendering ourselves to someone else’s needs, doing so with gentleness, kindness, compassion, and mercy. Romans 12:15 calls us to take it a step further and to weep for those who weep.

    What Does Weeping Really Mean?

    Weeping for those who are mourning or in sorrow is to simply have mercy and show empathy. In other words, it is to share in one’s painful experience, acknowledging what they are going through by matching their emotion.

    While we may not be moved to physical tears, it invites us to serve those in pain by being led and moved by the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). It gives us the opportunity to love mercifully and carry their burden, bringing us to a place where we not only recognize their sorrow but feel it as well.

    There are several instances in which Jesus wept. While we portray Jesus in many lights, from bold like a lion to meek and gentle as a lamb, Jesus was a man that suffered grief and deep loss. Jesus knew about sorrow and mourning and modeled for us how to comfort those who are hurting.

    Jesus wept when He heard of His friend Lazarus and was met by Mary, who fell at His feet in pure anguish. It is said that when Jesus saw Mary weeping that it moved Him deeply and troubled Him (John 11:33).

    Jesus also wept over the town of Jerusalem during His triumphal entry, riding on a lowly donkey, all the while knowing His fate. Yet He wept not for Himself, but for this city.

    As the people lowered their palm branches and proclaimed, “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord” (Luke 19: 38), Jesus saw a crowd of people that were lost and in search of peace (Luke 19:42).

    Jesus also wept in prayer and supplication. We see Him do this in Hebrews 5:7. Jesus offers up prayers for the people, just as high priests did at this time. Jesus is showing His human nature and ways we, too, can step into the role of tenderness for those that need comfort.

    We Are Called to Weep Like Jesus

    Jesus sets the tone for us in the way we can gently love others who are weary and gripped by tears.

    1. Tap into your tender side. It can feel somewhat awkward and uncomfortable witnessing someone who is weeping, maybe even causing us to retreat, but Jesus’ actions remind us that compassion is not only needed but expected of us as believers.

    Showing compassion can be as simple as listening or extending a hug. These actions show that you are troubled and saddened by their state. This also acknowledges their pain, helping them feel seen instead of bringing them more pain by feeling forgotten.

    2. Notice the non-verbal cues. Many times, it is the internal weeping that we fail to recognize. If you recognize that a person is acting differently or seems withdrawn, seek God’s wisdom on how to reach out to them and check-in. Just a sweet text or call could mean so much. 

    3. Recognize the power of your prayers. When we reach out to God and ask for peace and comfort for those who are weeping, it does two things: recognizes God as the ultimate comforter and invites us to gain wisdom on how to love others better.

    So, pray for those that need comfort and ask God to bring them a source of everlasting hope and timely healing.

    A Closing Prayer

    Lord, we humble ourselves before You, seeking Your love and forgiveness where we fail to love others the way You have so graciously shown us. Please soften our hearts and help us learn what it means to truly weep with those who weep and follow Your beautiful example. Help us gently walk beside those in deep pain and show compassion with our actions. Amen.

    For further reading:

    https://www.christianity.com/wiki/bible/significance-of-jesus-wept-in-the-face-of-death.html”>What Is the Meaning and Significance of ‘Jesus Wept’?

    How Should Christians Respond to Dark Days?

    Does God Cry with Us?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/ Hispanolistic

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • 6 Secrets to a Joyful Marriage

    6 Secrets to a Joyful Marriage

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    Have you noticed how our culture isn’t good at sharing the beautiful beginnings of a marriage? In fact, practically every show or fairy tale that has been portrayed, since we were children, shares a sweet love story, yet ends with – “They lived happily ever after.” Talk about a confusing and mixed message. What does happily ever after even look like?

    Let’s first start with this nugget of truth… the world’s view of marriage vastly contradicts the view God holds for us when it comes to the sanctity and beautiful union found in a marriage. God isn’t aiming for us to live “happily ever after.” His vision is much greater than that! It is to grow us and conform us to be more like Jesus!

    Unfortunately, the beauty found in godly marriages has been suppressed in our society. Sadly, marriage has become somewhat of a joke, and in many cases, a marriage rich in love and on fire for God gets ridiculed or chastised. The modern TV shows love to poke fun at the roles of a husband and wife, downplaying the “real” design for our families. No wonder so many couples are searching for hope and the secret to joy!

    Friend, it isn’t hard to see that the beautiful foundation God laid out for our marriages is under brutal attack. So, hear me out; if you read no further, please understand this: marriage isn’t about living happily ever after. Because trust me, there will be times you aren’t actually happy. If you’re searching solely for happiness, you will be sorely disappointed.  

    However, if you search for a marriage filled with joy, you will find that peace and love come into your union as well. That’s because marriage isn’t about living happily ever after. It’s not even about you! It is about serving another before yourself. It’s also recognizing that marriage is a precious relationship where you are not yourself anymore but joined together with another to become one. Genesis 2:24 tells us that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

    The wedding day marks the beginning of a life that is to be cherished, respected, and filled with joy. That doesn’t mean God-fearing couples won’t face challenges or suffer hardships; in fact, they may be targeted the most. Satan loves to attack rich and beautiful marriages. But when a couple aims to stand firm in their faith, fights for their marriage, and seeks Jesus in all circumstances, they will find the secret to a loving and joy-filled marriage. They will also have a testimony worth sharing about just how good our God is!

    So, what is the secret to joy in a marriage? In short, joy is found in the sweet little moments. It’s tucked within those small acts of kindness or the unexpected gestures that go a long way. It’s a smile, a tender kiss, a subtle sentiment. It’s loving your spouse the way Jesus calls you to love them, even in the hard times, with grace and gentleness.

    There is much to be said about living “joyfully ever after!” So, let’s discover six little ways (or secrets) to having a joy-filled and holy matrimony:

    1. Have Fun Together

    “Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’” Psalm 126:2

    Laughter is said to be good medicine, and I must agree with that sentiment. Laughter brings out endorphins that cause us to be in a good mood. You really can’t laugh and be angry, can you? 

    When was the last time you laughed, and I mean a good ‘ole hearty belly laugh, with your spouse? If it’s been too long, then time is of the essence. Begin today. If your marriage is a little flat in this area, then it’s okay to seek help. Join a couple that can see the lighter side of life or tune into a fun comedy skit. Tim Hawkins is our favorite comedian. He offers clean jokes and shares issues that we can all relate to, usually with a song or story. His skits on marriage are the best!

    2. Build Each Other Up

    Have you ever bragged about your spouse in front of your friends, family members, or at church? If not, now may be the time to start. Speak highly of them and watch their face light up when you do. Share, in all sincerity, how proud you are of them. Whether it be an accomplishment at work or how diligent they are in raising your children, showcase your spouse. 

    When you take time to build up your spouse and recognize the fruit of their efforts, those words go straight to their heart. Proverbs 16:24 tells us that “gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to our bones.”

    3. Be Servant-Hearted

    On weekends when we don’t have softball games to rush off to, my sweet hubby will bring me coffee while I am still in bed. Mind you, he first allows me to sleep in (which is heavenly with three children) and then wakes me up with the aroma of my favorite drink. Yes, please!

    Serving your spouse shows you deeply care about them and want to honor them with service. What do they love? What makes them tick? What is their love language, and how can you meet it? Simple acts of taking out the trash without being asked or rubbing feet while watching a movie all go a long way and raise that love thermometer. Let the joy abound!

    “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people.” Ephesians 6:7

    4. Notice the Little Things

    How easy it is to fall into ruts in our marriage, where we become so comfortable and complacent (or even selfish) that we forget our manners. We fail to notice the little things that our spouse does, not acknowledging or even offering a simple “thank you” or “how can I help?”. 

    Sigh. We’ve been there many times, actually. But, when we slip into the patterns of complacency, failing to notice the little things, those little things eventually add up to become big things. Before you know it, you’re heading down a not-so-good path, not really sure how you got there. 

    Small, little acts of kindness matter. So, take notice and let your sweet spouse know you see the fruits of their labor. Joy will be rekindled in no time.

    5. Greet Each Other Warmly

    “Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.” 1 Peter 5:14

    There is something about a warm greeting that welcomes joy. We see numerous times throughout the Bible how people greeted one another with a warm embrace or kiss. This special greeting is still offered today, and while it may be used differently depending on culture or family traditions, a warm and loving greeting shows your other half that they were missed and you are glad to be back together!

    When our girls were little, they used to run up to my husband when we got home and swarm him with hugs and kisses. Now, he comes home, and most of them are doing homework or have friends over. The greetings aren’t as warm as they used to be now that they are teens. But… we still manage to do our best to show each other affection upon seeing one another after a long (or short) period of time.

    6. Embrace Your Roles

    There is a beautiful role that a husband and wife play in a marriage, specifically designed by our Creator. God created a husband to lovingly lead and protect his family (Ephesians 5:25), while He created a wife to provide and nurture her family, being her husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18). Both play a crucial role in raising a family. And when a husband and wife honor those roles, becoming a team and a united front, the image of a faithful family emerges! 

    A truly joyful marriage is one that seeks to honor Christ and use their designed roles to love their spouse in a beautiful way. Cultivating joy in our marriage is allowing our spouse to be the man or woman God is calling them to be. When a man cherishes his wife and strives to protect her, then she, in return, will respect him and give him the desires of his heart. God has a precious purpose for our marriage and created this sacred union to not only grow closer together and seek joy but to grow closer to Him and live in peace.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • What Is the Meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 and Why Is it Popular?

    What Is the Meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 and Why Is it Popular?

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    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

    Love is mentioned somewhere between 360-550 times in the Bible, depending on which translation you dig into. Friend, that is a lot of love!

    Maybe it is mentioned so often because we have a God that is the pure image of love. All throughout His Word, we see His love poured out and lavished upon us. 

    From the beginning of His creation to His countless promises, unfailing grace and mercy, and even His righteous discipline. God’s love is proven by the attention He gives to every single detail of our lives.

    God’s love comes with no strings attached. It is completely unconditional. It’s perfect in every sense. God’s love is the core and heart of the gospel. 1 Corinthians gives us a glimpse into the kind of love God has for us and asks us to share this kind of love with others.

    Paul’s first letter to the church of Corinth was to challenge believers to examine their lives against the image of Christ. He especially placed a lot of focus on love — Christ’s love. His mission was to unify the church and bring them together in fellowship.

    At the time, the church gatherings were a little chaotic and disorganized. While their mission was to share the good news, they were focused more on being heard and becoming prideful rather than delivering and dispensing their knowledge in love.

    So, it is not by accident that this chapter on love is perfectly sandwiched between two passages on spiritual gifts.

    Paul was encouraging the church to use their knowledge of Christ and spiritual gifts to spread the love of Christ, but to do so — in love. Basically, saying you can do all the right things, but if you don’t have love, you have nothing (1 Corinthians 13:2-3).

    The underlying meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 is that as followers, we are to imitate the love of Jesus by using our gifts while serving and loving others just as He did!

    So, how do we do that? That is where the well-known and beloved verse of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 comes in. If we are called to share the love of Christ, we must first understand how He loved.

    Characteristics of Love

    While many of the characteristics listed below are self-explanatory, we must view them through the lens of Christ. Also note that these characteristics of love may be easy to say, much harder to actually live out. Let’s discover them together.

    1. Love is patient and kind. Patience is not an easy virtue to maintain in our everyday lives. Whether it is an eye roll from my teen or a snarky remark from a neighbor, impatience can quickly set in, leaving a reaction that is short of being kind.

    Yet, we are called to be just that. Patient and kind. If we want to share the love of Christ with others, we must do so in a gentle way, with a patient approach.

    Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage — with great patience and careful instruction (2 Timothy 4:2).

    2. It does not boast. We see a contrast at this point in the verse. While love is patient and kind, now we hear what it is not. Love is not boastful or self-seeking. Yet, how often do we like to pride ourselves in the good we are doing with selfish intentions?

    Unfortunately, selfishness is part of our human nature. We want to be heard, to be liked, and recognized for our good deeds.

    However, this verse completely flips that train of thought around. As believers, we are to place ourselves aside and magnify the needs of others.

    Not only that, but we are to boast only in our Lord, recognizing that He is the One that is using every circumstance for good.

    This is why our testimonies are vital, as we get to share how God is so good and faithful.

    Not only so, but wealso glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us(Romans 5:3-5).

    3. It keeps no record of wrongs. The infamous scoreboard between two passionate people is nothing new. We see how the disciples doubted, denied, and betrayed Jesus, comparing their love for Him against one another.

    Yet while Jesus may have been hurt by these actions, he forgave them and never spoke of it again. He never kept score.

    We are called to do the same. Freely forgive and then…let it go. As followers of Christ, we should heed Jesus’ example. When the scoreboard wants to come out, we must take our hurt to our Father and let Him cleanse our hearts first while seeking His wisdom and guidance.

    But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked (Luke 6:35).

    4. It is a truth seeker. Love seeks out the truth. The real Truth. As we are bombarded with countless views, logic, and data by our culture and society today, we can ingest multiple mixed messages and grow confused about what is actually true. It’s quite possible that we need Truth now more than ever!

    The Truth we find in His Word is solid and stands firm. We can find the evidence that God’s Holy Word is based on Truth, and the heart of it is love by holding on to these facts:

    • With all the various writers of the 66 books in the Bible, they all share one message: there is one true God, and He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to redeem this lost and fallen world.
    • We see can see the handiwork of a Creator all around us.
    • Prophecies that were foretold came to be.
    • Those that earnestly seek God through prayer and praise live with unexplainable peace.
    • We are offered hope of a life after this one.

    But he continued, ‘You are from below; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world (John 8:23).

    Why Is it so Popular?

    And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13).

    The entirety of 1 Corinthians 13 is widely popular because the whole book revolves around love. The greatest gift we can ever give and receive. The gift that God gave us through His Son, declaring His indescribable love for us.

    We were created with love and in the image of love. We are called to use our spiritual gifts to love and share God’s love with others.

    This is the central theme of 1 Corinthians 13 — Love!

    Love is the intriguing word that never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). Love is the powerful word that defeats all odds and gives us hope. Love is to be fully known and fully loved (1 Corinthians 13:12). Love is the heart of God’s Word.

    For further reading:

    Why Does Love Not Keep Any Records of Wrong?

    How Does the Lord Love with an Everlasting Love?

    What Is Authentic Love?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Marinela Malcheva

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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