ReportWire

Tag: Advice

  • Asking Eric: Good Samaritan gets hefty reward for first aid

    Dear Eric: I am the mother of a wild child. The other day, she ran into our house and asked for a Band-Aid because her friend scraped his knee. The boy had what I would describe as “the most gnarly gash” I’ve seen since I left the military.

    The cut missed major blood vessels, but at least partially severed a tendon. We sent a messenger to his mom, treated him for shock and covered the wound, but didn’t really do anything medical. When mom showed up, I did the magic trick of distracting the boy while showing mom how bad it was. I offered to watch her other kids until she could get a family member or sitter they knew. Turns out they had grandma over, so I wasn’t needed.

    The next day, we found a thank you note and a $100 gift card in our mailbox. I don’t think I did anything worthy of that. I think I did the bare minimum required of a human being and did not expect anything from it.

    My question is, when my own daredevil scrapes her knee this way, is there a reference guide on how to express gratitude to the bystander or first responder? Does the dollar amount of the gift card change depending on the severity of the injury?

    — Mom of a Wild Child

    Dear Mom: Try as I might, I haven’t found a price list for “treatment of grievous bloody injuries” outside of an insurance company’s website. You mention your service in the military, and I wonder if you’re downplaying the comprehensiveness of the care you gave to your daughter’s friend. The gift card may be a reflection both of the mom’s appreciation and also an expression of how impressed she was by your levelheadedness and competence. Neither is a guarantee. Her gift is a kind gesture and not required.

    After a quite scary emergency department visit for a food allergy reaction, I sent an Edible Arrangement to convey my thanks, but that reflected my emotions (“thanks for snatching me back from the jaws of death; food is weird, right?”), rather than a repayment of a debt. It really is the thought that counts, so a card with a genuine note can be just as meaningful should your daughter need the aid of a bystander or EMT.

    Also, if you feel uncomfortable about the amount of the gift card, consider using it to treat your daughter, her friend, and maybe the friend’s mom to a fun lunch or day at an activity center (maybe one of those pad-covered ones where they’re less likely to get hurt).

    Dear Eric: My 15-year-old grandson moved in with me about seven months ago. We are fine together but his mom refuses to allow him to go to a “brick and mortar” school. He has Marfan Syndrome and must be careful of his heart. But he was removed from public school and really wants to be a more normal kid.

    My daughter apparently gets her medical for her whole family covered under my grandson. She wrote to him saying if he goes to a school here where I live then he’d have to use my address and he’d be responsible for her dying, her dad going mental and his older sister hemorrhaging all because they’d lose their medical if he lived with me.

    My daughter says my grandson and I are both selfish to want his “social life” over his family’s health.

    Might I add that there are four adults in the house and when my grandson was there, he slept in a closet! Is there any option besides turning her in to CPS?

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • Behind the Bylines: A simple invitation to share your take on local news

    As a journalism professor, I spend a lot of time talking to the future generation about local news. Sometimes, it’s exciting and motivating. But there are those days when it feels like I’m just not able to make the connection. The cognitive biases appear to be too ingrained to overcome. I can’t help but feel a little defeated in those moments, as though I’ve failed to make a meaningful connection or build enough trust to get them to rethink using social media as their only source of information. I catch the glazed-over look that says, “We know. And now what?”

    It’s easy to push forward with the lesson plan and move on to the loss of civic engagement that follows the local news, or examine data on media ownership, but that rarely does any good. In those moments when we look at each other in a quiet resolve, I try to take a step back and truly listen to what they have to say.

    Sometimes, no lecture can do as much good as understanding the root of their disengagement. And, in all truth, for local journalism, there’s little that’s more important than understanding what motivates the next generation to engage.

    All that to say, I want to take a moment to do the same thing with this column. I’ve been doing a lot of talking, and it’s about that time for me to turn off my PowerPoint presentation, move away from the podium, and sit down for a real conversation.

    Local news isn’t just a product to consume. Done right, local coverage connects neighbors and fosters a sense of community. But that only works if we’re building coverage around real questions people have, not guesses about what might interest them, or worse, what is profitable.

    So, I want to know what challenges you about local news and what you feel it does right. What do you wish there was more coverage of? What do you want to learn about your city that you can’t find easily? What is missing, and what do you cherish?

    If you stopped regularly engaging with local news, tell me what pushed you away. If you are a regular reader, please let me know what keeps you coming back.

    In part, this is for my own edification. I like to know who I’m talking to and what they are about. But I also think this is an important media literacy exercise for us all – to reflect on why we engage in certain things and why we don’t. And sharing our concerns with each other, instead of screaming them into the ether, might challenge our cognitive biases and perhaps lead to solutions.

    I will read your responses and explore ways in which I can improve my approach in my roles as a journalism scholar and educator, as well as my work as a partner to local news organizations. I will also unpack some of your concerns here, in this column, in the hope of sparking a broader conversation.

    Help me start it.

    Share your thoughts and concerns about local news. Send a short note with the subject line “Behind the Bylines: Feedback” to wunus@fitchburgstate.edu

    Associate Professor of Journalism at Fitchburg State University Wafa Unus, Ph.D. (Courtesy Wafa Unus)

    Wafa Unus

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  • Asking Eric: Girlfriend loves whiskey and other men

    Dear Eric: I’m a 64-year-old male and I have a 59-year-old girlfriend of a couple years. My perception is that my girlfriend is constantly seeking attention from other men. For instance, we were out on an ATV ride with another couple and a third man. Our ride brought us through many miles of back country. We stopped at a bar/restaurant to use the facilities.

    My girlfriend goes into the bar, and she’s in there for a while. I stayed outside and talked with the other guys we were with. She finally comes out and admits that she was talking to a couple of guys and had a shot of whiskey “to check market prices.” Seriously? I’m supposed to believe that she couldn’t have just asked the price?

    Later in the day, we stopped, just the two of us, at another bar/restaurant and had something to eat. After I settled the check, I decided to use the restroom. I leave the restroom, and she is nowhere to be seen, so I go outside and interrupt a conversation between her and some random guy on the deck by himself drinking. There was an immediate awkward pause on the guy’s part, and she blurts out “That’s his bike.” My tastes run to Harleys. which I have a couple of, and his bike was just another cheaper imitation race bike.

    Then on the way home she tells me how her niece has been trying to set up a girls’ night, including her at a local bar, kind of letting me know, presumably so she can say “I told you…” Clearly, I have a problem with this but I’m trying to keep an open mind. You know what they say: intimacy doesn’t begin in the bedroom. So, I know what I think I should do but I’m looking for an outsider’s perspective.

    — Being Taken for a Ride

    Dear Ride: Look, there may be something else going on here that I’m not seeing, but I think the message you need to take away from this gut check is not that your girlfriend is necessarily doing something inappropriate but that you’re not feeling secure about the relationship. This isn’t a personal failing; you’re allowed to feel the way you feel. But the response may be a different one than you’re thinking of.

    While you can end things, as you seem to be suggesting, consider first talking to her at a neutral time about the state of your relationship and what you think it might be lacking. Try to use “I” statements, like “I would like to be closer” or “I don’t feel like we’ve been in sync recently.” Then try to lay out what happened and how you felt about it without accusations. “You were talking to guys and ‘checking the market price’ of the whiskey, and that was confusing to me.” Ask her if she can see where you’re coming from and why it might make you feel less uncertain. But also listen to her response and see if you can see where she’s coming from.

    You don’t have to be OK with how things are going, but from the instances you’ve described, it may be less that she’s interested in other men and more that she’s interested in other drinks.

    Dear Eric: I just had my 93rd birthday, so have been on Medicare for some years. But I recently ran across something different. My newest doctor — a podiatrist — told me first that she would give me only token care since she got only a token payment. Then a second time she said I could pay her the difference and get full treatment. Is this right morally and legally?

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • Asking Eric: After missed birthday party, friend stops calling

    Dear Eric: I’ve been friends with a girl for at least 10 years. Recently she had a birthday and our circle of friends planned on going to a local bar to celebrate. I decided not to attend because I wasn’t able to afford a $10 cover charge. I told her that and she seemed to be OK with it.

    But then I noticed that I wasn’t hearing from her like I usually did. I asked another friend, and they said they were under the impression that she was upset and disappointed with me because I didn’t go out for her birthday, so I sent her a text apologizing and saying that I really couldn’t afford it and that I live from paycheck to paycheck and I thought she’d understand.

    She responded by saying she understood because she lives from paycheck to paycheck and also that she considered me a close friend and that she was upset and disappointed I didn’t then come out for her birthday and she went on to say that if it hadn’t been on her actual birthday she wouldn’t have minded as much, which never made any sense to me.

    She also said she needed time and that she should eventually get over it. Well, it’s been three months, and I haven’t heard anything. I feel like texting her again to say if she doesn’t consider us friends anymore then I would like to know because I have some stuff, she asked me to keep at my house, and I would give it back.

    I told two of my other friends and they feel she’s being childish about the whole thing. What are your thoughts?

    — Weary Friend

    Dear Friend: She’s being more than childish; her response is unfair and uncaring. She’s allowed to make whatever plans she wants for her birthday — and everyone deserves to feel special — but she’s also an adult and adults understand that sometimes we can’t afford to do things we want to do. Adults also understand that special occasions can happen anytime. After the age of, say 16, missing a birthday party is not a reason to sever a friendship.

    If she’s not serious about wanting to rebuild this friendship, then returning the items you’re holding for her and wishing her well is the best option.

    Dear Eric: My younger brother (54 yrs) is a chronic alcoholic. He’s now developed Cirrhosis and he has little time left.

    I’m his older sister, who realized more than 30 years ago that binge drinking and alcoholism seemed to affect us siblings, so I stopped, completely.

    I never got on his case about his drinking, but we drifted apart due to his excessive drinking and the erratic behavior it brought out.

    Sadly, this diagnosis is what has brought us back together. I call him weekly, talk about funny stories from the past and try to keep his spirits up.

    We lost a sister years ago, when she was 7 years old, to a childhood illness. My parents were devastated as it was sudden and unexpected. My mother is gone, but my father, still going strong in his 90s, is still with us.

    My father lives too far away to visit my brother and they only rarely talk on the phone. There are four adult children in our family.

    There is a disagreement as to whether we should tell my father. I believe that a parent has the right to know. They have been through more than their adult children give them credit for and should be able to say goodbye. Others are saying we shouldn’t say anything because “it could kill dad.”

    There is no question my brother will pass before my father. Do you think a parent should be told that their child is sick and passing?

    — Sad Sister

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • Is that a great horned owl making un-owl like sounds in San Jose?

    DEAR JOAN: We live in an urban area of San Jose, and sometimes at night hear the hooting of an owl of some sort. Recently we heard that repeated hooting, but interspersed with a call that I can only describe as more like a peacock!

    Several hoots, followed by a sort of “waahh” then more hoots. I checked on Bird.net, which told me it’s a great horned owl and that females can make more unusual calls such as the one we heard. Is that true? And, we didn’t know that great horned owls live in urban areas!

    — Malcolm Smith, San Jose

    DEAR MALCOLM: That’s absolutely true. Great horned owls don’t have the repertoire of a song bird, but they do have some range.

    The call of the great horned owl is described as hoo-h’HOO-hoo-hoo, and the female will often add in a one syllable call that is more guttural.

    Young owls make a high-pitched demanding squawk when telling their parents they’re hungry. When angry or threatened, the owls make a rapid clicking sound with their beaks.

    We have all sorts of wildlife living largely unnoticed in our suburban jungle, which is why it’s important to not do things that might harm them.

    DEAR JOAN: One of our cats is a challenge to pill and I have found a different solution that works for us. We have a pill syringe.

    We place a pill in the syringe and open our cat’s mouth and with the syringe shoot the pill to the back of the mouth. If you get the pill past the hump of the tongue, the cat has to swallow the pill.  The plus to this method is you can’t accidentally put your fingers between the cat’s teeth.

    — Scott Gerken, Bay Area

    DEAR SCOTT: I’m all for avoiding a cat’s teeth. Thanks for the tip.

    DEAR JOAN: Your recent column on a cat not willing to allow flea medication resonated with me.

    I needed to figure out a way to trim my cat’s claws without taking her to the vet every time. My cat loves wet food so I put her food into her bowl and immediately grab the trimmer and get to work. I pick up each paw, separate the toes and nip off the sharp ends.

    I had to acclimate her to this by rubbing her toes while she scarfed her tasty food. I then started gently getting the trimmer near the claws until I had success. It took about a week but now it’s pretty easy to do.

    The wary cat in your column might also benefit from having very tasty kibbles while “mom” gently rubs the spot where flea medication will eventually be applied.

    — Celia (and Mimi the cat), Santa Cruz

    DEAR CELIA AND MIMI: What a great tip. Thank you.

    DEAR JOAN: My technique with my dog is to grind the pill with a mortar and pestle until it is broken down, like fine sand. Then I mix it into wet pet food really well. Usually works really well.

    — Steve Kessler, Bay Area

    DEAR STEVE: Excellent idea, although I’d check with my vet to see that it’s OK to do that. Some medications are supposed to be given whole.

    The Animal Life column runs on Mondays. Contact Joan Morris at AskJoanMorris@gmail.com.

    Joan Morris, Correspondent

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  • Here Are the Top 50 Mistakes I’ve Seen Kill New Companies | Entrepreneur

    I’ve seen many startups succeed, and many fail. I’ve consulted for and invested in lots of them. My previous startup, Anchor, navigated its own challenges and missteps; we were fortunate to survive them, and ultimately Spotify acquired the company in 2019.

    Over the years, I’ve come to think of startups as a game of Minesweeper. Remember that game from early PCs? You’d start with a grid of clickable squares, with cartoon mines hidden throughout. Your job was to take a few guesses, gain some information about where the mines were, and logic your way through finding them all. Similarly, startup founders start with an empty board. And although nobody can know their locations, the mines are guaranteed to be there — and certain types of mines are common to every kind of business. A founder can save a lot of time, money, and energy if they know how to avoid these pitfalls from the very start.

    After many years of navigating mines, I’ve identified the 50 most common ones. (I share lessons like this regularly in my newsletter — which you can find at my website, zaxis.page.) To be clear, this list is far from exhaustive. And while there are certainly exceptions, it can be a great shortcut for anyone leading a new initiative, at any sized company.

    Related: The Path to Success Is Filled With Mistakes. Do These Four Things to Tap Into Their Growth Potential.

    Ready to find your mines? Here they are.

    1. Thinking you have all the answers

    My favorite piece of advice for startup founders: You’ll be 90% wrong about your assumptions. The problem is that you don’t know which 90%. Therefore, do everything you can to challenge your convictions, and be willing to shed them or tweak them as needed. Rapid iteration and an open mind are two necessary ingredients for a successful startup journey.

    2. Ignoring the impact of compounding

    Meaningful long-term change takes time, be it learning new skills, obtaining new customers, or establishing a brand. The most underrated way to drive improvement is through incremental steps that compound over time. Einstein apocryphally called compound interest the “eighth wonder of the world.” Tiny changes each day multiply to astronomical gains, so long as you’re consistent and committed.

    3. Disregarding the law of funnels

    Any action a user or customer needs to take is considered the top of a “conversion funnel.” The goal is to get them to the bottom. One of the easiest ways to lose someone along that journey (a phenomenon known as churn) is to require them to go through too many steps. I call this the “Law of Funnels.” It states: “The more steps a user has to go through to do something, the less likely they are to complete it.”

    4. Hiring based on experience

    Startups have very little time and resources to focus on the wrong thing, but it’s impossible to predict what they will need to focus on. So don’t waste energy and precious hires on what a person has done in the past. It’s 97% irrelevant to what they will be doing in the future. Instead of hiring for relevant experience, hire people who are adaptable and good problem-solvers.

    5. Focusing on scaling too early (see fig. 1)

    Many startups overengineer and future-proof in the early days, which is almost certain to result in a tremendous waste of energy. At the start of the journey, there are very few knowns (see mistake No. 1). But one thing that is known is that there is a fundamental difference between the friction that prevents a product from taking off and the friction that prevents it from scaling.

    Related: Failed Startups Made These 7 Marketing Mistakes — Are You Making Them, Too?

    6. Wearing too many hats

    In my favorite brainteaser of all time, 100 prisoners wear different colored hats and strategize ways to identify their own hat colors. A startup often has far fewer than 100 employees, but often has far more than 100 hats. Context-switching carries a real cost, and early-stage employees who fail to delegate responsibility often end up performing all tasks poorly. Find people you can trust to take some of those hats off your head, and bring them in early.

    7. Comparing your work-in-progress to others’ finished works

    One of the easiest ways to get discouraged while running the startup marathon is to compare your rough drafts and works-in-progress to polished success stories. All difficult tasks (be they entrepreneurial, creative, educational, etc.) require iteration and more iteration, revision and more revision. The mistakes along the way are countless, sure, but they are also priceless. Comparing a work-in-progress to the finished products we see every day is not only demotivating — it’s also disingenuous. It’s comparing a sapling to a fully grown tree.

    8. Trying to solve unbounded problems

    To be solved effectively and efficiently, problems must be segmented and bounded. First, split your intractable problems into small, digestible challenges with a single goal in mind for each. Second, ensure that their solution is bounded to a finite solution space. Not realizing this is almost always a recipe for wasted resources and disappointing outcomes.

    9. Being frightened of incumbents

    Founders are often scared to take on powerful incumbents, believing those paths to be dead ends. This is a mistake. Taking on a monopoly is often a missed opportunity with enormous upside, and with lower costs than you think. There are four main reasons: Monopolies have already proven the industry is viable and lucrative. They refuse to cannibalize their own dominance. They’ve institutionalized their inefficiencies. And perhaps most importantly, they have the most to lose from making mistakes. Startups, by contrast, have the most to gain.

    10. Fearing the pivot

    For most startups, there are only two viable outcomes. In the unlikely case, they will be a big success. In the more likely scenario, they will fail. Don’t stick to early product or strategy decisions that raise the likelihood of the latter. If your startup fails, the value of all your decisions will be zero — so do everything you can to maximize the likelihood of success. If that requires pivoting from what you know and are comfortable with, so be it.

    Related: I Have Helped Founders Raise Millions. Here Are 7 Fundraising Mistakes I See Many Startups Making — And What You Need To Do Instead.

    11. Thinking you need to be first

    Passionate and creative thinkers often believe that in order to succeed, they need to be the first mover. This is wrong. Being the first mover is often a tremendous disadvantage. What matters is not being first but having consumers think you were first, all while benefitting from the courses charted by your forerunners.

    12. Catering too much to existing users (see fig. 2)

    Your existing users or customers are critically important; you wouldn’t have a business without them. But focusing too much on their needs necessarily comes at the expense of the audience you haven’t yet reached, and for whom you’re still struggling to showcase value. Catering to those who have reached the bottom of your funnel prevents you from serving the needs of those higher in the funnel, whose needs have not yet been served. This is the push and pull of product development, and there is a flip side to it. That’s the next mistake…

    13. Catering too much to potential users (see fig. 2)

    The danger outlined in mistake No. 12 swings the other way too. Neglecting to serve the needs of your existing users runs the risk of causing unnecessary churn. The cost of retaining customers you have already converted is substantially lower than the cost of obtaining new ones. Don’t be overly protective of the users you have, but don’t be overly dismissive either.

    14. Not understanding employee motivation

    Your employees are motivated by different things, and failing to recognize their different styles often leads to poor management as well as to employee dissatisfaction. I categorized people into a “Climber, Hiker, Runner” framework: Climbers are driven by the prospect of unlocking future opportunities. Hikers prefer to take on new challenges and learn new things. And Runners are happy when they can dive deep into what they’re good at. Approaching motivation this way has made me a better manager, and has helped me identify effective ways to keep employees happy.

    15. Focusing too much on short-term gains

    Successfully growing a startup is a marathon (see mistake No. 2). Short-term wins offer little beyond dopamine hits and the stroking of egos. In long-term success stories, accomplishing tough goals takes time but yields meaningful and lasting benefits. While it takes many short-term wins to get to the finish line, don’t miss the forest for the trees. Those incremental achievements are not the true goal. They are the means to an end.

    Related: 7 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Scaling Your Business

    16. Putting off hard conversations

    Your life is divided into two parts: that which occurs before you have the awkward, unpleasant, or emotionally taxing conversation you’re putting off, and that which occurs after. Which would you rather extend? If it’s the latter, why not do everything in your power to cross the boundary right now?

    17. Failing to recognize power laws

    Power laws govern everything you do. Most of the work you put into your startup will yield little clear benefit. Most of the success you see will come from a handful of bets. Internalizing this phenomenon leads to better decision making, less emotional turbulence, and healthier, more sustainable businesses.

    18. Overprotecting your idea

    Have a brilliant idea and an NDA preventing anyone from peeking at it? You’re likely not doing yourself any favors. Truly successful companies win with superior execution, not superior ideas (see mistake No. 11). And by overprotecting your idea from being prodded and challenged, you’re weakening its probability of ever coming to fruition. Often, those individuals who frighten you as potential competitors are those whose feedback is most valuable. And if you fear them stealing the idea, be comforted in knowing that there is no shortage of great ideas in the world. There is, however, a dire shortage of people who know what to do with them.

    19. Keeping interactions inside the office

    Whether in person or remote, the value of having your team “break the ice” cannot be overstated. I mean that in two ways. First, it’s of course good for your colleagues to get to know one another (and hopefully like one another), which leads to happier employees and higher productivity. Second, when people let loose, it “breaks the ice” of the day-to-day mayhem of startup life — or what I like to call “a necessary thawing period.”

    20. Getting too comfortable (see fig. 3)

    There is a big difference between being at a local minimum and being at a global one. Yet from a day-to-day vantage point, they look the same. Any change in any direction means more work, more stress, and more risk. We must zoom out and look at the entirety of our options. Sometimes the best paths or strategies lie just beyond a hill we’re scared to climb.

    Related: I Made These 3 Big Mistakes When Starting a Business — Here’s What I Learned From Them

    21. Not putting things in perspective

    When lost in the hustle and bustle of the early stages of a company, it’s important to remember that most stressful things don’t actually matter in the long term. They will do little to affect the eventual outcome, but they will heavily drain you in the near term. Please take regular moments to stop yourself, look at your small stressors, and ask if this really matters in life. It probably doesn’t.

    22. Not quantifying goals

    Goals without metrics are unbounded (see mistake No. 8). This makes them harder to achieve — and how will you know when you do achieve them? How will you hold yourself accountable when you’ve veered too far off course? Particularly when working as part of a team, quantifiable and measurable goals are of paramount importance to achieve any level of alignment.

    23. Waiting to find a technical cofounder

    Nearly everything I’ve needed to learn to become a technical cofounder, I taught myself (with the guidance of great mentors). You live in an age of wonders, where anyone can learn anything with incredible efficiency. Do not allow the search for a technical cofounder to prevent you from pursuing your dream. Become the technical cofounder yourself.

    For instance: Are you interested in AI but think you’ll never understand how it works? Think again.

    24. Looking for complicated answers when there may be simple ones

    Often, problems that seem intractable have elegant and simple solutions. We are trained to look for complexity, and to value those perspectives that overcomplicate the world. Ignore that instinct! The greatest insights I had as a founder came from light-bulb moments when I realized things were simpler than I’d assumed, not more complicated.

    25. Assuming there is only one path to success (see fig. 4)

    While other people’s success stories can motivate and inspire you, they can also be dangerous. Everyone’s path is unique, and often meandering. Anyone who says that your journey to success must follow a single trajectory has never built a company of their own; they’ve merely studied other people’s.

    Related: Business Owners: Are You Making These 10 Mistakes?

    26. Not filtering out high-frequency noise

    Most day-to-day problems are just noise. Sometimes it’s angry employees or customers. Sometimes it’s a deal gone bad or failing servers. Successful leaders adopt what I call a low-pass mentality. Just as low-pass filters in engineering absorb short-term shocks by filtering out the high-frequency ups and downs, a startup founder must filter out the noise and focus on solving long-term, systemic issues that will have a high impact.

    27. Putting your eggs in one basket

    As shown in mistake No. 1, you’ll be wrong about pretty much all your assumptions. So why risk your business on a single bet? Of course, it’s important to have convictions — but that doesn’t preclude you from simultaneously having other convictions, particularly at the very early stages. If the primary goal of a startup is to reach product-market fit quickly (see mistake No. 5), the risk of being wrong about your one big bet would be extremely costly.

    28. Putting your eggs in too many baskets

    Just as it is dangerous to wear too many hats (see mistake No. 6), it is similarly dangerous to tackle too many strategies at once. Successful leaders prioritize ruthlessly; that means tackling “critical” tasks before ones that are only “very important.” It means committing to seeing through strategies before expending energy on other ones. And it means rallying the whole team around a single milestone or goal, rather than splitting their attention and making everyone worse off because of it.

    29. Underinvesting in long-term relationships

    Most of the key turning points in my business career came through the strength of relationships fostered over many years. Small decisions to help others, to build trust, and to keep in touch can have a tremendous impact on your future in unpredictable ways. The worst-case scenario? Some wasted social energy. The best-case scenario? You open doors you never knew were there.

    30. Failing to recognize recurring patterns

    Despite all the unpredictable noise in business, there is an often-overlooked consistency between market cycles and the players within them. While it’s dangerous to place too much emphasis on individual success stories (see mistake No. 25), it is even more dangerous to overlook the cyclical nature of market dynamics. Human psychology is notoriously predictable — and notoriously forgetful.

    Related: How to Turn Your Mistakes Into Opportunities

    31. Not talking to other founders

    As a founder myself, I overlooked the learned experience of other founders. There is so much guidance buried in their success stories. There is even more to take away from their failures. As I said at the top of this article, startups are like a game of Minesweeper. You can tackle a blank board and start clicking away, or you can put aside your ego and get help from those who have played that board before. If you choose the latter, the likelihood of success can skyrocket.

    32. Focusing on vanity metrics

    There is a reason they are called vanity metrics. Hitting them is the kind of short-term gain I advised you to disregard in mistake No. 15. Why achieve goals that look good but aren’t strategically important? Why care about the number of users if those users are a poor fit and don’t stick around? Why focus on time spent using your product if that number is only high because your product is hard to use (see mistake No. 3)? Identify your desired outcomes, and then find the metrics that actually map to those outcomes.

    33. Misunderstanding the CAP principle

    In computer science, there is a fundamental limitation on how database systems can be built. One can never achieve more than two of the following three goals: consistency, availability, and partition tolerance (or “CAP”). The same is true of companies, which will inevitably see a decline in one of these as they invest in the other two. For instance, when ensuring all teams can talk to each other (availability) and that there is always an individual who can be the “source of truth” for others (consistency), your ability to manage when an employee leaves or communication channels go offline (partition tolerance) drops considerably.

    34. Never setting arbitrary deadlines

    Arbitrary deadlines are a tool. Like most tools, they can be good or bad, depending on who’s using them and for what. Yet while there are many times a team needs the space to think, build, and iterate without undue pressure, there are just as many instances that benefit from the structure and direction provided by arbitrary deadlines. Importantly, arbitrary deadlines should be recognized as arbitrary, and they should be adjusted if needed. But that doesn’t diminish their power in aligning a team and incentivizing productivity. In the right circumstances, I’ve seen them work wonders.

    35. Ignoring uncertainty principles

    Early-stage entrepreneurship, as in quantum physics, presents an inescapable tradeoff. Resources (time, money, etc.) can be spent on investing in a specific strategy or on keeping open optionality; they cannot do both. I call this phenomenon the Startup Uncertainty Principle. It shows that the more you focus on the present, the less you’re able to prep for the future. And the more you prep for the future, the less effective you’ll be now. Companies that attempt to do both at once are fighting a losing battle.

    Related: Common Mistakes First-Time Entrepreneurs Make and How to Stop Them

    36. Not prioritizing low-hanging fruit

    As shown in mistake No. 28, successful companies prioritize ruthlessly. When companies spread themselves and their employees too thin, they hurt productivity and morale. Of course, there is value in investing in longer-term projects with higher costs and higher rewards. Yet it is also critical to regularly prioritize easy wins and short-term opportunities that move the needle incrementally. In addition to laying the foundation for compounding improvements (see mistake No. 2), it will also reengage your teammates and keep morale high.

    37. Overlooking unexplored markets

    As founders and dollars race to build in competitive, high-growth markets, opportunities often exist in “hidden layers” of industry. Companies that focus there can ride waves of market growth while avoiding fierce competition, by turning potential competitors into actual customers. Some of the most valuable companies in the world have taken this approach (including the two most valuable) and it has paid dividends (literally).

    38. Not relying on proven technology

    New technological solutions to longstanding problems can be attractive. But the hidden downsides can surface much too late — often when you’re already dependent. New technologies can break, can go out of business, can have unexpected side effects. By contrast, longstanding problems tend to have proven longstanding solutions. While not as exciting to use, they work, and that’s what matters most.

    39. Sugarcoating bad news

    Managers sometimes believe that when things get hard — and they inevitably will, many times over — bad news is better delivered indirectly or with a positive spin. This is an innate human desire. But employees are smart. Being disingenuous about the state of the business or the rationale for business decisions will hurt your company over the long term. This applies to everything from layoffs to pivots to cutting perks. Your employees will see through the euphemisms, rendering your sugarcoating fruitless, and they will respect you less for your lack of directness.

    40. Ignoring entropy

    It’s a law of the universe that everything trends toward disorder. Knowledge and control are no different. No matter what, eventually you’ll be wrong. Your convictions will need to adapt as the world in which they exist evolves. The stable parts of your business will suffer from unexpected market dynamics, new competition, and shifting consumer attitudes. Those who succeed in the long term embrace entropy as a fact of life, and they know that they cannot hold anything too sacred for too long.

    Related: 10 Mistakes I Made While Selling My First Startup (and How You Can Avoid Them)

    41. Forgetting your only advantage

    With limited time and limited resources, only so much can get done. A startup has every disadvantage relative to more well-funded incumbents, and only one advantage: speed. Leverage this. Big players are slow to move and slow to turn, like giant cruise ships. Startups are small and nimble sailboats that can race faster and turn on a dime when it matters.

    42. Treating money like it isn’t fungible

    A dollar is a dollar is a dollar. Every single dollar spent—no matter how it’s accounted for — is money not spent on something else. This is all the more reason to prioritize ruthlessly (see mistake No. 28). Resources have a habit of disappearing faster than you’d expect.

    43. Not explicitly deciding how to balance productivity and alignment (see fig. 5)

    Companies that overinvest in aligning their team members do so at the expense of productivity. Those that focus on productivity do so at the expense of alignment. The optimal balance depends on the company, its size, and its unique journey. But the important takeaway is that you are making this trade-off whether you explicitly choose the balance or not — so you might as well choose it.

    44. Only talking to people you know

    The “birthday paradox” shows that if you put 23 people in a room together, there is a 50% chance two will share the same birthday. By the same mathematical logic, if any conversation has even a 0.3% chance of being life-changing, then putting a few dozen people in a room together is virtually guaranteed to lead to some life-changing conversations. The takeaway? Meet more people. (Here’s a good way to do that.)

    45. Working only from home

    Startup stress can seep across any boundaries you’ve set. To drive both productivity and better mental health, don’t work exclusively from where you sleep and spend time with family. I say “exclusively” because I have seen startups achieve great success in a fully remote setup. Still, the early days of startups rely critically on serendipitous conversations and ideations — and that can only happen when employees are colocated. Get the team together now and then.

    Related: 5 Marketing Mistakes Startups Must Avoid in Order to Survive

    46. Working only from an office

    Most founders I know get their best ideas when they’re not at work. There’s something about the change of scenery, the connections between unrelated neurons, and the exposure of a problem or challenge to a new environment. Whereas mistake No. 45 showcases why it’s important to sometimes bring your team together, this one recognizes that it’s equally important to take them out of their comfort zones and get them to interact in brand-new places and brand-new ways.

    47. Forgetting to revisit whatever motivates you

    When things get difficult (and they will), it’s important to reflect on the things that helped motivate you to start in the first place. Have it readily accessible—be it a movie or a podcast episode or a book or a soundtrack — and revisit it when you feel the morale drop. For me in my Anchor days, it was Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories. To this day, if I need a jump-start in motivational energy, I just put on that album and get to work.

    48. Not taking pictures

    You’re going to miss the early days. You’ll wish they were better documented. If things end up working out, you’ll look at those moments in time and say, “Wow, look how far we’ve come.” And if things don’t, you’ll say, “Wow, look how hard we worked. If I did that, I can handle anything.”

    49. Assuming you have product-market fit

    Product-market fit is the elusive transition point at which you realize who your customers are and what value you’re providing for them. Hardly anyone reaches this point without considerable effort, and the easiest way for a brand-new enterprise to fail is to assume they have reached this point when they have not. There are only two ways — talking to customers and looking at data — that can verify the milestone has been hit. Once there, things get considerably easier.

    50. Thinking there are only 50 startup mistakes

    I suppose I’m guilty of this one right now. No list of startup advice is exhaustive. Every new entrepreneurial journey is bound to uncover unique challenges. Yet that’s also part of the fun of the startup journey: You never know what’ll happen next.

    A version of this article originally appeared on Nir Zicherman’s newsletter, Z-Axis.

    Nir Zicherman

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  • Asking Eric: New husband wants to go on vacation without his wife

    Dear Eric: I’m a newly married 69-year-old woman who was previously a widow after 43 years of marriage. My present husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We dated in high school and coincidentally ended up together.

    Prior to getting married, my husband didn’t ever mention he wanted to go on an African Safari with his adult son and now it has come up frequently. I have made it clear it upsets me that he wants to do this, travel without me, and made it clear I am not paying for this adventure of his. Why would I not be included? But I would never desire to go on an African Safari either.

    I don’t understand it, this wanting to be away from me for that long. It hurts me deeply that they didn’t do this stuff all those years when he was single. Now he’s retired so possibly that’s why his son has come up with this idea. His son barely comes around as he struggles with anxiety.

    I do not know how to handle this. It tears me apart to think this man I’ve fallen in love with thinks nothing of being away from me for so long. I married this man to be a couple through thick and thin.

    Please help me come to grips with all of this. Am I being unreasonable and unfair?

    — Left At Home

    Dear Left: Let’s look at this from your husband’s point-of-view — he’s recently retired, so he finally has more time for bucket list items. He’s also newly married, so it’s likely that his free time is less available for events with his son than it might have been before you were together. It makes sense, then, that they’d want to do this once-in-a-lifetime trip together. I would strongly encourage you to celebrate this with him, instead of begrudging it. In short, it is unfair to hold this trip against him.

    Be happy for your husband but don’t beat yourself up too much. Transitioning to this new relationship after a 43-year marriage is going to take some adjustment. You love each other, but you’re also still learning about each other.

    But, for the health of your relationship, it will be important for you to remember that both you and your husband have full lives. While you’re committed to building a life together, there are going to be things that each of you does on your own.

    This safari trip is not about you; it isn’t an example of your husband abandoning you. Try to see it for what it is — a rare opportunity for him to pursue a dream and a chance for you, back home, to find something that brings you joy, as well. When you’re reunited, you can tell each other what you’ve learned and discovered.

    Dear Eric: I met an interesting man recently and agreed to a date, and within a few minutes of the start of it we realized we had grown up in the same town and already knew each other. I was younger by a couple of years, and we didn’t know each other well, but we shared an extended friend group. I have a vivid memory of being in the back of his truck when he intentionally hurt an animal while driving. He did not express any remorse, quite the opposite.

    He wouldn’t pull over and I became physically ill. That image has stayed in my mind.

    He says he’s a different person now, nearly 15 years later. I’m having a hard time even thinking about getting past it. Should I even try? Can a 17-year-old horrible person turn into a 31-year-old person with integrity and empathy? Should I try to get over this image that was seared into my 15-year-old brain?

    — Old Habits

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • Financial institutions compete with ChatGPT on consumer advice

    Consumers increasingly are looking to AI for financial advice.    Fifty-one percent of consumers are looking to AI for financial information or advice, according to a recent JD Power report.  Most are tapping ChatGPT and Google Gemini, but some users are using Microsoft Copilot, Meta AI and others, according to the report.  Consumers are asking the […]

    Whitney McDonald

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  • Financial institutions compete with ChatGPT on consumer advice

    Consumers increasingly are looking to AI for financial advice.    Fifty-one percent of consumers are looking to AI for financial information or advice, according to a recent JD Power report.  Most are tapping ChatGPT and Google Gemini, but some users are using Microsoft Copilot, Meta AI and others, according to the report.  Consumers are asking the […]

    Whitney McDonald

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  • Light, Water, and Patience: Expert Advice for Winter Houseplant Care

    “If leaf edges turn brown or curl, that’s usually a humidity cry for help,” per Mutalik. “We keep humidity-loving plants like calatheas, ferns, and marantas grouped together on pebble trays and run a humidifier nearby.” (Our WIRED-tested favorite is above.) He says that a windowed bathroom is also great for tropical plants that love high humidity. “It doesn’t have to be fancy,” adds Anderson.

    Heat

    We already covered that you should monitor the warmth near your windows to ensure it doesn’t drop below 55 degrees Fahrenheit. But ambient air temperatures can affect your houseplants as well. “If you’re feeling chilly, your plants probably are, too,” says Hancock. “And they can’t put on a sweater.”

    You’ll also want to watch out for drafts. “If you have a houseplant near a heating vent where it’s getting exposed to air that’s noticeably warmer or cooler than the ambient air temperature, it can stress your plant, causing leaves to yellow prematurely,” says Hancock.

    Drafts can be caused by exterior doors and windows. Connolly points out that heating vents and space heaters can be detrimental, too. Plants “like the temperature to stay consistent and not be swinging back and forth between hot and cold.”

    Awareness is key when it comes to heat and airflow. “We keep anything leafy or tropical at least 2 feet away from heaters and ensure windows are well-insulated,” says Mutalik.

    Pests

    Photograph: Kat Merck

    Garden Safe

    Insecticidal Soap Insect Killer

    If you’re bringing your plants indoors from outside, experts recommend quarantining them for a period of time to ensure they aren’t hosting any pests that could affect your other houseplants. (Because let’s be real—nobody has just one houseplant.) “Catching them early saves a lot of heartache,” says Anderson.

    Mutalik and the rest of the Houseplant Nook quarantine their plants for two weeks. Check under every leaf for mites, mealybugs, or gnats. If you encounter pests, there are a few ways of addressing them that can vary based on preference and plant species. Wheat removes them manually if possible, and wipes them down with a cloth or a light vinegar solution before moving on to other, more aggressive measures like horticultural oils or soaps if needed. (Editor Kat Merck uses the insecticidal soap above on her houseplants and hydroponic gardens.)

    Connolly wipes plants down with a cloth and then rinses them in the sink. And Mutalik says that Neem oil or castile soap can work wonders if you catch the pests early; wipe the leaves, especially broader leaves, every two weeks to prevent infection.

    While many winter pests hitch a ride indoors, Hancock points out that dry, warm conditions (like those found in heated homes in winter) are the ideal environment for spider mites.

    “Regularly washing plant leaves can help dislodge spider mites and help keep the population low. If you’re just seeing spider mites and don’t want to spray, consider investing in beneficial mites. Beneficial mites will eat the spider mites and don’t harm your plant,” he says.

    Fertilizer

    Photograph: Kat Merck

    Fertilizer is always a little confusing, and it can be even more puzzling in the wintertime. “I would say, don’t even bother to fertilize your house plant if you’re using an over-the-counter potting soil. Most of these soils have slow-release fertilizer in them that is sufficient for plant growth,” says Wheat.

    If you have an older plant with tired soil, or a particularly “heavy feeder,” you can opt for a slow or controlled-release fertilizer—or just repot it with fresh soil. (But be aware that winter isn’t usually the best time to repot a plant, and you may want to wait until the growing season arrives.)

    Louryn Strampe

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  • Asking Eric: Widowed mother-in-law wants to bring new beau for holidays

    Dear Eric: My mother-in-law, Dana, 79, was married for 51 years before her husband passed six years ago.

    She still visits us frequently. When she does, she stays at either our house or one of my husband’s sister’s homes.

    Within the last six months, my MIL began dating another senior gentleman, Peter. Apparently, Dana and Peter knew each other in high school and recently reconnected.

    As of this writing, only the two sisters have met Peter. Now there is discussion of the Thanksgiving holiday. Dana would like to bring Peter to meet the rest of the family, and she’s upset because there are conflicting opinions on where she and Peter should stay.

    I told my husband I would not feel comfortable hosting my MIL and her boyfriend in our home over the holiday weekend. We only have one guest room. Equally, I think my sisters-in-law feel the same. My nephew said he does not like the idea of someone, not his grandfather, staying in their home at all, especially a holiday break. Again, I’m not in disagreement.

    Meanwhile, Dana is upset because she feels no one is giving Peter a chance. I suggested that Dana and Peter stay at a hotel, but Dana feels that we should be more accommodating to her and Peter, especially since they will be traveling to our area via train and neither will have local transportation. I feel it’s a lot to ask to include someone else who is essentially a stranger to us in our homes. I’m sure Peter is a nice man, and my MIL enjoys his company, but am I, or my sisters-in-law, being unreasonable?

    — Crowded House

    Dear House: Your home, your rules, your comfort level. However, it would be helpful for everyone involved to consider Dana’s position here, as well. Six years after going through the grief and disruption of her husband’s death, she’s found new companionship, which can be wonderful but also has its own challenges. This is new territory for her as well as for you. There are bound to be some hiccups.

    Much of the letter was focused on Peter being a stranger. And I acknowledge that is a hurdle, maybe an insurmountable one. But I wonder if Peter is really who everyone is thinking about here, or if this is more about holding a space for Dana’s first husband. Peter’s presence doesn’t displace Dana’s first husband in the family structure, nor — I presume — in her heart. She has to understand that everyone grieves and adjusts in their own way. But everyone else has to understand that Dana is still alive and this relationship is part of her life now.

    If the unmarried grandchildren in your family aren’t allowed to bring home significant others to stay in the same room, then explain to Dana that this policy has to be universally applied. However, if that’s not the case, don’t make her the victim of a double standard. See if there’s a time between now and Thanksgiving that she can bring Peter down to meet you casually. That will make him less of a stranger.

    Dear Eric: When my dad passed away, with my mother already gone, it took my brother seven years to settle his estate.

    He was living in dad’s house and not in any hurry. I spoke to him several times trying to encourage him to get it done. But nothing worked. So, I finally got a lawyer’s help. It worked and now he will not talk to me. Was I wrong in thinking it took too long?

    — Estate Dilemma

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • 10 Underrated Podcasts Every Entrepreneur Should Listen To | Entrepreneur

    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    As entrepreneurs, we’re constantly bombarded with recommendations for the same big-name podcasts (How I Built This, The Tim Ferriss Show or Masters of Scale). They’re good, but they’ve become the mainstream playlists of the entrepreneurial world. The real edge comes from discovering voices that are flying under the radar — podcasts that don’t just regurgitate clichés but dig into gritty lessons, unconventional strategies and the realities most entrepreneurs are too busy or too cautious to discuss openly.

    As a venture investor and CEO, I’ve seen firsthand that the entrepreneurs who win are the ones who think differently, seek perspectives outside the obvious, and leverage wisdom from unexpected places. These podcasts won’t necessarily appear in your LinkedIn feed, but they’ll challenge your thinking and, more importantly, give you the kind of insights your competition probably hasn’t heard yet.

    Here are 10 underrated podcasts that deserve a permanent spot in your queue.

    Related: The 10 Best Podcasts Every Entrepreneur Should Listen to for Growth, Strategy and Success

    1. The Indie Biz Podcast

    This show focuses on small, independent businesses — the kind that bootstrap from scratch without Silicon Valley backing. The episodes highlight founders who navigate obstacles with resourcefulness rather than venture capital. For entrepreneurs, it’s a refreshing reminder that success isn’t about billion-dollar valuations but about building sustainable, real businesses.

    Takeaway: Learn how scrappiness and creativity often matter more than scale.

    2. Bootstrap Stories

    This podcast dives into entrepreneurs who took the long road — growing without outside investment. It’s raw, honest and humbling. Founders share what it’s like to sacrifice personal comfort for business growth and how they resisted the temptation to chase capital too early.

    Takeaway: Discipline in growth and ownership has its advantages. You control your destiny.

    3. Creative Elements

    Host Jay Clouse interviews creators and solopreneurs making a living on their own terms. It’s not just about business mechanics; it’s about the psychology of creativity, discipline and building personal brands. If your work involves content, media or personal branding, this podcast is pure gold.

    Takeaway: Entrepreneurs are creators too, and learning from the creative economy can sharpen your edge.

    4. The Unmistakable Creative

    Unlike formulaic business shows, this podcast dives deep into the unusual and unexpected. It’s less about business tactics and more about perspective — bringing in artists, scientists, and thinkers whose insights cross-pollinate with entrepreneurship in surprising ways.

    Takeaway: Great business breakthroughs often come from outside the business world.

    5. StartUp Therapy

    Two founders (Wil Schroter and Ryan Rutan) talk candidly about the mental and emotional battles entrepreneurs face. From burnout to imposter syndrome to co-founder conflicts, it’s a brutally honest discussion that feels more like a therapy session than a business seminar.

    Takeaway: Entrepreneurship isn’t just about strategy; it’s about managing your mind and emotions.

    Related: 25 Top Podcasts That Will Spark Your Entrepreneurial Vision

    6. The Sweaty Startup

    Nick Huber focuses on “uncool” businesses — self-storage, property management, cleaning services — that generate massive wealth. It’s a counterbalance to the obsession with tech startups, reminding us that riches are often made in industries no one brags about at cocktail parties.

    Takeaway: Don’t overlook “boring” businesses — they’re often the most profitable.

    7. The Exit

    This show spotlights founders who’ve sold their companies, breaking down the process of negotiations, valuation and exit strategy. It’s tactical and strategic, and it teaches entrepreneurs to think with the end in mind, even when they’re just starting.

    Takeaway: Building with an exit in mind shapes smarter decisions from day one.

    8. Business Wars

    More of a storytelling show than a tactical one, Business Wars dramatizes rivalries between iconic companies — Nike vs. Adidas, Netflix vs. Blockbuster, Uber vs. Lyft. For entrepreneurs, these stories reveal how strategy, timing and ego shape industries.

    Takeaway: Learn from history. Understanding how giants fought their wars can prepare you for your own battles.

    9. The Twenty Minute VC

    Harry Stebbings interviews top investors and founders, but it’s not a polished PR tour. The conversations are direct and filled with behind-the-scenes insights about what investors actually look for and what separates good pitches from bad ones.

    Takeaway: If raising money is on your roadmap, this show gives you a rare peek inside the investor’s head.

    10. My First Million

    While not completely “underrated,” it still flies under the mainstream radar compared to the giants. The hosts brainstorm business ideas, dissect companies and share unconventional strategies for building wealth. It’s fast, funny and refreshingly irreverent.

    Takeaway: Business ideation is a skill — you get sharper at spotting opportunities by listening to others riff.

    Related: 30 Top Podcasts for Influential Entrepreneurs

    Why these podcasts matter

    What sets these podcasts apart isn’t just that they’re less well-known; it’s that they expose you to perspectives and strategies outside the typical entrepreneur echo chamber. Mainstream shows often polish their stories for mass appeal, but these conversations are raw, unfiltered and unapologetically real.

    They remind us that entrepreneurship isn’t a highlight reel — it’s the grind, the doubt, the breakthroughs and the failures that lead to transformation.

    If you’re serious about growth, carve out time to listen. Put one of these podcasts into your rotation each week. Don’t just listen passively. Take notes, share with your team, and apply the insights to your business.

    Because in a world where everyone is consuming the same mainstream content, the real advantage comes from tuning into voices your competitors aren’t even aware of yet.

    As entrepreneurs, we’re constantly bombarded with recommendations for the same big-name podcasts (How I Built This, The Tim Ferriss Show or Masters of Scale). They’re good, but they’ve become the mainstream playlists of the entrepreneurial world. The real edge comes from discovering voices that are flying under the radar — podcasts that don’t just regurgitate clichés but dig into gritty lessons, unconventional strategies and the realities most entrepreneurs are too busy or too cautious to discuss openly.

    As a venture investor and CEO, I’ve seen firsthand that the entrepreneurs who win are the ones who think differently, seek perspectives outside the obvious, and leverage wisdom from unexpected places. These podcasts won’t necessarily appear in your LinkedIn feed, but they’ll challenge your thinking and, more importantly, give you the kind of insights your competition probably hasn’t heard yet.

    Here are 10 underrated podcasts that deserve a permanent spot in your queue.

    The rest of this article is locked.

    Join Entrepreneur+ today for access.

    Roy Dekel

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  • How to See WIRED in Your Google Searches

    As you’ve probably noticed, Google has gotten … weird lately. Weirder? It can be hard to find the search results you’re looking for. Between AI summaries and algorithm changes resulting in unexpected sources, it can be tricky to navigate the most popular search engine in the world. (And publishers are feeling the strain, too.)

    Earlier this year, Google updated its algorithm. This is nothing new—Google updates its algorithms hundreds of times per year, with anywhere from two to four major “core updates” that result in significant changes. And while it’s tricky to determine exactly what changed, publishers and websites large and small noticed significant traffic drops and lower search rankings—even for content that had previously been doing well. “Google Zero” (as Nilay Patel of The Verge first called it) is thought to be caused, at least in part, by AI overviews.

    Google Search has shown a slow crawl toward this for a couple of years, but the most recent blow was delivered over the summer. When you search for something and you get a neat little summary of various reporting completed by journalists, you’re less likely to visit the websites that actually did the work. And, in some instances, that summary contains incorrect AI hallucinations or reporting from websites you might not trust as much. It’s hard to say whether the next core update will make your search results show what you expect, but in the meantime, there’s a tweak that can help it feel more tailored to your preferences.

    Take back control of your Google search results with the new Google “Preferred Sources” tool. This can help you see more of WIRED, from our rigorous and obsessive Reviews coverage to the important breaking stories on our Politics desk to our Culture team’s “What to Watch” roundups. (And, yes, this works for other publishers you know and trust, too.)

    Preferred Sources are prioritized in Top Stories search results, and you’ll also get a dedicated From Your Sources section on some search results pages.

    To set WIRED as a Preferred Source, you can click this link and check the box to the right. You can also search for additional sources you prefer on this page and check the respective boxes to make sure they’re prioritized in your Google searches.

    Google via Louryn Strampe

    Louryn Strampe

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  • Asking Eric: Single mom wants to start relationship with handyman

    Dear Eric: I’m a 40-year-old single mom of twin 5-year-olds. I’m a professional woman, but due to my commitments to my children and the overall daily grind, I have little to no time for socialization and dating.

    However, I need occasional help around the house, and my cousin (let’s call her Jen) was kind enough to refer me to her handyman. He’s helped me with several projects over the last year, and I sense a mutual physical attraction.

    I am aware that my cousin had a sexual relationship with this man at some point long ago, but it was never serious, and she is currently in a new relationship and very much in love. Would I be awful to pursue this new friend? I am lonely and find very few opportunities to meet new people with my time constraints. I could really benefit from some fun.

    — Lonely in NYC

    Dear Lonely in NYC: Awful? No. If you’re worrying about betraying your cousin, she can’t (and doesn’t seem to want to) lay claim to every former paramour. But there are a lot of intertwined relationships here, so I would tread more carefully than if the handyman was just a casual acquaintance.

    First, there’s the fact that he’s working for you, specifically in your home. If you were to pursue a relationship with him, I’d first find another handyman and be clear with him about why.

    But you’re both adults and any adult entering into a romantic or sexual relationship should be communicative about boundaries, pitfalls and needs. So, you and he should have an adult conversation before going any further. What are your needs, what are his, what are the concerns, where do things get hazy? Is what you want — something that fits into your life and schedule — what he wants?

    It sounds like your ideal situation right now is something simple. And even though he’s attracted to you and already in your home sometimes, I don’t know that this is as simple as it seems. If this was a Hallmark movie — call it “Mr. Fix-It,” perhaps — the courtship would be sealed by a series of glances and a sudden rainstorm. But life is not a Hallmark movie. No offense to Hallmark movies, we’re better for it because we get to talk things out and avoid confusion. No rainstorms needed.

    Dear Eric: My sister and her husband visit my area at least once a year. They presume they’re going to stay at my home with each visit. In turn, she expects my husband and I to visit her while we travel through her area.

    I can no longer do this.

    She’s a loud, chaotic and competitive narcissist, who I cringe being around. Her noise battery never runs out and the thin ice on our relationship is ready to crack.

    It’s taken me a lifetime to work through the scars created by her insecure, never wrong, center stage, toxic ego and I’m living my life no longer behind her.

    I’ve quietly and repeatedly tried to help, for I know she struggles with herself, but my attempts are fruitless.

    For my own sanity, I won’t host her here any longer, or visit, but I don’t know how to approach this without her having one of her typical major meltdowns. I value your thoughts.

    — Love Her But Dislike Her

    Dear Love Her: A guest can’t simply put in a reservation for your house without your say. So, you can avoid her visits by making yourself and your home unavailable the next time. Tell her you don’t have the capacity to host, or you’ll be out of town, or you just can’t make it work.

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • Asking Eric: Son’s new girlfriend has a rude way of joking

    Dear Eric: My son is 35 and his new girlfriend of three months is 32. They’re both very smart. They are both very well educated. She’s funny. She’s smart. I really enjoy my time with her except for when she falls into these pits where she talks about him like he’s not there and puts him down. She says things like “Well, I told your son to do this and, of course, he didn’t” or “I told him this he didn’t think that was right and, of course, I was right, and he was wrong.” He laughs it off, she laughs it off, and I change the subject and laugh it off.

    But it’s not funny to me. I have my own experience of living with a manipulative person who started small and grew, too. Basically, controlling my whole life.

    She really likes me and aside from this I like her as well.

    I don’t want to overstep my bounds at all. What should I do? I’m just uncomfortable with it and I don’t know what to do.

    — Uncomfortable Mom

    Dear Mom: As it’s only been three months, your son and his girlfriend are still learning their relationship, and you’re still learning your relationship with his girlfriend. So, this is a great time to define a boundary for yourself and incorporate it into how you and the girlfriend interact.

    Because she’s directing her comments to you, it’s not overstepping to tell her “This isn’t a way I like to be spoken to about my son. Let’s find a different way of talking.” It can be gentle but firm. It need not create conflict. She may come from a family that needles or teases. She may have seen relationships where this behavior was modeled. That doesn’t mean that it has to stand, especially with you.

    It’s up to your son and his girlfriend to define how they want to communicate with each other, but you’ll be setting a good example for both of them if you clearly communicate to her what you’re hearing and what might be getting in the way of more closeness. She may think she’s joking, but she’s misreading her audience, and you should tell her that.

    Dear Eric: My mother is 90. Years ago, I moved 800 miles away for college. Since then, I have visited my hometown at least once a year. I am now 63.

    We talk on the phone weekly or biweekly. My parents are divorced. I have no relationship with my father.

    My mom has always favored my brothers financially. One brother for at least $100,000 over the years, the other somewhat less but still substantial — new cars, medical bills and other things.

    I am proud that I pay my own way. But the inequity hurts me.

    When I tell my mom I am hurt, she just looks at me and says I would do the same for my son. Well, after the recent death of my brother my mom needs to update her will. She just told me she is thinking about leaving everything, around $500,000, to my niece.

    I am so hurt. The reason she wants to cut me out of her will? I don’t need the money. Again, I am left feeling less than. And I find it is more than I can deal with. I am fighting tears constantly, feel unloved, like the afterthought, marginalized. And just so darn hurt.

    I want to go no-contact. She has shown me many times over the years I am last. How do I cut her out of my life at this point? How do I forgive, again? How do I move on, again?

    — Hurt Daughter

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • Grooming 101—From Nail Clipping to Ear Cleaning, Here’s How to Best Clean Your Pet

    Work slowly, starting with getting your pet comfortable in the empty bathtub, using treats for positive reinforcement. Then, introduce water, while still giving treats, and slowly introduce the other bathing elements, all while giving treats. “Some dogs are afraid of the hose or faucet, so we will often use a cup to pour water over them as a more gentle, less noisy option,” says groomer Shea Barrett.

    Smearing peanut butter on the side of the tub or using a suction lick mat is a great way to distract and occupy your dog while associating the bath with a treat.

    Photograph: Amazon

    Lukito

    Slow Feeder Lick Mats

    Fur Maintenance for Cats and Dogs

    Short-haired cats and dogs only require brushing once a week. Long-haired cats and dogs require it daily. A de-shedding brush helps clear the undercoat and is useful for dogs during shedding periods, usually when the seasons change.

    My long-haired cat hates being brushed, which makes my job a lot harder. My biggest advice for new kitten or puppy owners is to groom, clip nails, and brush teeth regularly starting at a young age so they are desensitized to the grooming process. For my cat’s wispy long fur, I like using a combination of brushes, one with many short bristles and a self-emptying button for ease, and a longer comb with fine- and wide-pronged teeth, which helps detangle top fur and thin out the undercoat.

    Photograph: Molly Higgins

    Sanitary Shaves

    My aforementioned long-haired cat, Clover, is nicknamed Poopy Butt because she sometimes gets messy near her rear, due to her hair being so long. One of the best things I’ve done is buy an at-home grooming kit so I can keep up with shaving the hair near her hind area to keep things sanitary.

    “Sanitary shaves help keep the genital and anal area clean in long-haired pets. If trying this at home, use clippers with a guard and only if your pet is calm; never use sharp scissors near sensitive areas,” says veterinarian Jamie Richardson.

    Photograph: Molly Higgins

    Bautrium

    Cat Grooming Clippers Kit

    I’d suggest buying a kit, like the one I have above, with multiple heads (and the comb I discussed earlier) so you can more easily and safely access those smaller or tucked-away areas.

    For technique, I sit Clover in my lap and access her pubic area while I’m above. If I have another person to help, I will have them hold her in place and lift her tail, so I can do the hindquarters from behind. (This provides more visibility, but she’s so squirmy that I need another person’s help to keep her in place this way.)

    Image may contain: Electrical Device

    I’ve tested several solid cat water fountains and automatic feeders from brand Oneisall, and the company has tons of different options and sizes for clippers and other grooming devices for dogs that I’d suggest dog-owning readers check out.

    How to Clip Nails

    You should clip your cat or dog’s nails about every four weeks. This may be needed less for dogs, as their nails get naturally filed as they walk on pavement. But indoor cats’ nails need to be clipped every three to four weeks, along with providing scratchers so they can help naturally file their nails between cutting.

    Like the dog clippers set above, there are handheld nail grinders that help to gradually and gently file away dog nails for a less traumatic clipping experience. (These aren’t recommended for cats, as the quick of their nail is farther down and more susceptible to accidental nicking and injury.)

    Molly Higgins

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  • Asking Eric: Friend breaks off contact after her husband’s death

    Dear Eric: “Sue” and I have been neighbors and friends for more than 50 years. She and her husband are godparents to one of our children, we are members of social groups together, like book club and bridge group. We have shared many occasions together, at the holidays and with our families.

    A couple of years ago her husband (and our friend) died after a short illness. After the funeral, I called her many times, let her talk and asked her out for lunch. She was always “busy” with appointments or “kids coming” so we never got together. In the meantime, she has told me about her “wonderful neighbors” and that they “are just like family.” It is very hurtful and puzzling.

    I don’t know how to feel or what to think about this. We have had her over to our house a couple of times. Things went well until it was time to leave. She told me I don’t know what it is like and wouldn’t until my husband dies. She never calls me, so I have given up on that, too.

    I know everyone deals with grief differently. But what should I do when I have been “ghosted” by a long-time friend? (I see this person at social events like book club, bridge and at church.) Do I just go on and hope that she will “come out of it”? (Frankly, I’m not sure I like her much now.) Or have I lost a long-time friend?

    — Hurt Friend

    Dear Friend: One of the things that makes this so hard is that both you and Sue are hurting but you’re hurting in different ways and for different reasons. Those differences have made it difficult for you to align, but it’s not impossible. It sounds like, when Sue told you that you don’t know what it’s like, she was attempting to communicate something very complex. And while it may not have seemed like it at the time, I think it was her attempt to let you in.

    When some people lose a spouse, or a parent, or a child, the world gets split into two segments: those who have been through it and know what the pain is like. And those who don’t. Grief is isolating and it’s ever-changing, and it’s all-encompassing sometimes. So, this sorting can be an act of self-preservation — a way of making sense of a world where all the rules have changed.

    You can have sympathy, you can show her love, you can show up in a myriad of ways, but right now there are aspects of your life that trigger her or are hard to navigate. So, I want to strongly encourage you not to write her off. I know you’ve reached out repeatedly; please don’t take it personally that she needs this distance. Your friendship has changed, just like every other relationship in her life. But that change is not an ending. If you continue to be present, friendly, and loving in those small social interactions, the bedrock of your relationship will remain intact and you may be able to build something new, a relationship that’s shaped around the people you both are now.

    Dear Eric: I’m responding to your reader “Raising Voices”. Raising Voices had two friends who refused to wear hearing aids and RV was frustrated trying to talk with them. You were right in your advice to RV to tactfully encourage them to see an audiologist because hearing loss can lead to dementia as well as a greatly diminished quality of life.

    As someone who has worn hearing aids for 15 years and got them in my early 40s, I would like to also add that, when people ask you to repeat yourself, please don’t say the same exact words only louder — it’s frustrating for both the speaker and the listener.

    Oftentimes, it’s certain sounds in words, like the S and F sounds, that are difficult to distinguish and make understanding difficult. If someone asks you to repeat yourself, use different words that mean the same thing. My husband sometimes yells at me, and I still can’t understand him, even with hearing aids (and he should know better since I’ve had hearing loss since I’ve known him, but that’s another story).

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • Asking Eric: New supervisor experiences workplace revolt

    Dear Eric: I started a new job a year ago. I took over as a supervisor at a municipal agency and from an individual who was retiring and who is a friend of mine.

    The position that I took over for had a number of employees who were retired and had part-time jobs. They were very loyal to him, and he let them do what they wanted as long as it got done. There was no structure at the workplace.

    I tried to implement small things while starting out and, each time, I would get the response that that’s not how we have done it before.

    I didn’t want to make it like it was my way only, but things needed to change. If I complained to my supervisors, then they would think I was doing the complaining and that I could not get along with anyone. They wouldn’t listen to me at all.

    It’s to the point where every time I walk in the door and ask to get something done, the employees do the exact opposite. It’s embarrassing to work there. I have no support on either end. I enjoy the job, but my staff does not respect me.

    I am at a loss for what I should do. I don’t know who is in charge there because I don’t feel like I am.

    Do you have any suggestions or ideas about what I can do?

    — Disrespected Supervisor

    Dear Supervisor: It can be very difficult to inherit someone else’s workplace culture. And, when you’re in a supervisory role, a lot of the negotiation becomes about what you need to adjust to and what you need to change. That’s a dance that goes on for a while. Respect from the employees you supervise is important here and I don’t want to dismiss that, but it’s also crucial to think about the expectations that are being placed on you, the expectations that you’re placing on yourself and the expectations you have for the workplace.

    To that end, see if you can get clarity from your supervisors about what success looks like for you, how they measure it and what systems are in place to encourage growth. These systems may not exist — many workplaces are imperfect. But this information could help you to modify your expectations of yourself and, in turn, take some of the frustration out of the working relationships you have with the employees you supervise.

    You also might want to talk to your friend. He created this imperfect system and, while you clearly don’t want to perpetuate it, he might be able to give insight or cheat codes. Ask him, “how do I deal with these people?”

    Shifting a culture is more akin to turning a cruise ship than a speed boat. Smaller steps are going to be necessary and the first should be finding one thing about your job performance that you feel good about and pouring your energy into that.

    Dear Eric: My best friend and I, both females and in our 60s, used to do everything together. Last year, she met a nice man and after a brief courtship, they married. I even performed the wedding ceremony.

    Now, we barely see each other, and maybe text or call once a week, if that.

    I knew and understood that our friendship was going to change once she married and I expected that, but I never thought it would be so drastic. Her husband gets upset if she wants “girl time” with me and even other friends. I feel really hurt and discarded. I’m not sure if I should talk to her about it or leave it be. I don’t want to cause a rift between us or make it awkward.

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • ‘It’s real stressful’: Dozens evicted from Orlando motel amid safety concerns

    Dozens of people were forced to pack up their belongings and leave an International Drive motel where they had been living on Monday morning.The city of Orlando condemned the Howard Johnson by Wyndham motel because of what officials call “immediate life safety concerns.” The property has no working fire alarm system, and all utilities were cut off on Monday.Many people told WESH 2 they had nowhere to go. “I’ve been here for two years,” Candi Glenn said. “They collected everyone’s money. Turned the water off, everyone’s got to go. Look at all the people standing around with their kids.”Glenn had been living at the Howard Johnson with her three children. She did not know where she was going to move next.The Coalition for the Homeless stepped in to provide shelter for five families. The charity brought vans and SUVs to the motel and drove them to another motel.”They’re giving us a hotel for two weeks, and then they’re going to give us an apartment, we got blessed,” said Christopher Wilcox, who’s been staying at the motel with his family, including three young daughters.The property owner, Rore Orlando I-Drive LLC, is evicting them, leaving nearly 200 people searching for new housing options.Several residents, including a couple with three dogs, are struggling to find transportation for their belongings. The motel, located in a tourist area, has been home to about 60 families who have been paying weekly to live there. Motel resident Ronald Miller said flatly, “They deceived us!”He and his family have been living here while he works at a local restaurant.Now, they’re getting ready to find a new place to live on Monday morning. “It’s real stressful. Some people probably can’t sleep at night; it’s real. If anybody was to get in our shoes, they wouldn’t know what to do,” Wilcox said.The charitable Community Legal Services was on the property Monday as well to provide resources to evicted residents and gather information to take potential legal action against the owners.Many residents said the living conditions at the motel were horrible. They described moldy rooms with rodents and roaches. Trash could also be seen piled up in breezeways and in the parking lot.Despite its name, the motel is not owned by Wyndham. Records show the current owner is ROR Orlando I-Drive LLC. A man whom residents identified as the person who ran the property showed up at the motel on Monday, but refused to answer questions.

    Dozens of people were forced to pack up their belongings and leave an International Drive motel where they had been living on Monday morning.

    The city of Orlando condemned the Howard Johnson by Wyndham motel because of what officials call “immediate life safety concerns.”

    The property has no working fire alarm system, and all utilities were cut off on Monday.

    Many people told WESH 2 they had nowhere to go.

    “I’ve been here for two years,” Candi Glenn said. “They collected everyone’s money. Turned the water off, everyone’s got to go. Look at all the people standing around with their kids.”

    Glenn had been living at the Howard Johnson with her three children. She did not know where she was going to move next.

    The Coalition for the Homeless stepped in to provide shelter for five families. The charity brought vans and SUVs to the motel and drove them to another motel.

    “They’re giving us a hotel for two weeks, and then they’re going to give us an apartment, we got blessed,” said Christopher Wilcox, who’s been staying at the motel with his family, including three young daughters.

    The property owner, Rore Orlando I-Drive LLC, is evicting them, leaving nearly 200 people searching for new housing options.

    Several residents, including a couple with three dogs, are struggling to find transportation for their belongings.

    The motel, located in a tourist area, has been home to about 60 families who have been paying weekly to live there.

    Motel resident Ronald Miller said flatly, “They deceived us!”

    He and his family have been living here while he works at a local restaurant.

    Now, they’re getting ready to find a new place to live on Monday morning.

    “It’s real stressful. Some people probably can’t sleep at night; it’s real. If anybody was to get in our shoes, they wouldn’t know what to do,” Wilcox said.

    The charitable Community Legal Services was on the property Monday as well to provide resources to evicted residents and gather information to take potential legal action against the owners.

    Many residents said the living conditions at the motel were horrible. They described moldy rooms with rodents and roaches. Trash could also be seen piled up in breezeways and in the parking lot.

    Despite its name, the motel is not owned by Wyndham. Records show the current owner is ROR Orlando I-Drive LLC.

    A man whom residents identified as the person who ran the property showed up at the motel on Monday, but refused to answer questions.

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  • On Putin’s advice, Trump launches assault on mail-in ballots and voting machines

    President Trump said Monday he would renew his assault on mail-in voting after Russia’s autocratic leader, Vladimir Putin, told him to do so at their meeting in Alaska last week.

    The president provided few details, but wrote on social media that he would “lead a movement to get rid of MAIL-IN BALLOTS, and also, while we’re at it, Highly ‘Inaccurate,’ Very Expensive, and Seriously Controversial VOTING MACHINES.”

    Already in March, Trump had issued an executive order directing the Justice Department to “take all necessary action” to prevent mail-in ballots received after election day from being counted. The order also attempted to impose a proof of citizenship requirement for voter registration.

    Those portions of the executive action has been enjoined by courts over constitutional concerns. But another provision, directing the independent U.S. Election Assistance Commission to shift its guidance on voting machines banning the use of certain bar codes and quick-response codes, has been allowed to proceed.

    The U.S. Constitution states that the timing, place and manner of elections “shall be prescribed in each state” by local legislatures, and that Congress has the ability to pass laws altering state election regulations. The president is given no authority to prescribe or govern election procedures.

    Nevertheless, Trump wrote Monday that states “are merely an ‘agent’ for the Federal Government in counting and tabulating the votes.

    “They must do what the Federal Government, as represented by the President of the United States, tells them, FOR THE GOOD OF OUR COUNTRY, to do,” he wrote.

    Trump’s action comes on the heels of his meeting with Putin in Anchorage, where the Russian leader told him that mail-in ballots led to his electoral defeat in 2020, according to the president.

    The U.S. intelligence community has assessed that Putin attempted to influence the last three U.S. presidential elections in Trump’s favor.

    Trump blamed his 2020 election loss to President Biden on a conspiracy of voter fraud. But independent analysts, state attorneys general and every court that reviewed the matter found no evidence of fraud that altered results in the race.

    “Vladimir Putin said something — one of the most interesting things. He said, ‘Your election was rigged because you have mail-in voting,’” Trump told Fox News in an interview.

    Trump has criticized mail-in voting since entering politics in 2015. But his presidential campaign embraced the practice leading up to the 2024 election, encouraging his supporters — especially those affected by Hurricane Helene in North Carolina — to take advantage of mail-in voting opportunities.

    “Absentee voting, early voting and election day voting are all good options,” Trump said at the time. “Republicans must make a plan, register and vote!”

    But on Monday, Trump wrote that voting machines “cost Ten Times more than accurate and sophisticated Watermark Paper, which is faster, and leaves NO DOUBT, at the end of the evening, as to who WON, and who LOST, the Election.”

    “With their HORRIBLE Radical Left policies, like Open Borders, Men Playing in Women’s Sports, Transgender and ‘WOKE’ for everyone, and so much more, Democrats are virtually Unelectable without using this completely disproven Mail-In SCAM,” Trump wrote.

    “I, AND THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, WILL FIGHT LIKE HELL TO BRING HONESTY AND INTEGRITY BACK TO OUR ELECTIONS,” he added. “THE MAIL-IN BALLOT HOAX, USING VOTING MACHINES THAT ARE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL DISASTER, MUST END, NOW!!!”

    Trump said he would take additional executive action before the 2026 midterm elections, but provided no details on timing.

    In the Oval Office yesterday for a meeting with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, Trump said his lawyers were currently in the process of drafting an order. “It’s time that the Republicans get tough and stop it,” he said.

    “Mail-in ballots are corrupt. You can never have a real democracy with mail-in ballots. And we as a Republican Party are going to do everything possible to end mail-in ballots,” Trump said. “They’re corrupt.”

    Michael Wilner

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