Internet commenters were beside themselves after one woman revealed why she refuses to buy a nice Christmas gift for her nephew.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA******, Redditor u/availableusername78 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she gives gifts to each of the children in her family during the holidays but detailed her hesitation to spend money on relatives who cannot reciprocate.
Titled, “[Am I the a******] for not gifting my nephew as nice a gift as his cousins because his parents are poor?” the post has received nearly 11,000 upvotes and 2,500 comments since November 24.
“Every Christmas my husband (C) and I get gifts for all the kids in the family,” OP began. “C is a stay at home dad with no income. We are financially comfortable, not rich.”
Writing that her husband and his family immigrated to the U.S. and largely work low-paying jobs, the original poster said the couple plan to spend between $30 and $100 dollars on each gift, and feel comfortable doing so because they know their children will receive gifts of equal value.
This year, however, another child was added to the mix—her nephew “L,” who the original poster said comes from a family that is “hardly making it” financially.
“While shopping, I picked out a really cheap, $15 Lego set for L,” OP wrote. “I did not want to get him nothing because that seems cruel. I know his parents do not have money to give gifts back so I didn’t plan to spend more.
“My husband wanted to add another few gifts…[but] I told him I would rather not because L’s parents can’t reciprocate it,” OP continued. “He says the extra $30 for a better gift would just be wasted on fast food.
“I told my husband that L’s mom should get a job…I also reminded him how I will be paying for and cooking food for the Christmas party everyone will be attending,” OP added. “Every kid deserves a nice Christmas, I just do not think it’s necessary to spend as much as the people who will actually be giving us gifts.”
Despite current inflation rates and the looming possibility of economic recession, U.S. households are expected to spend nearly the same amount of money on holiday purchases in 2022 that they spent over the last half decade.
This month, the 2022 Deloitte Holiday Retail Survey indicated that the average household plans to spend $1,455 during the holidays this year.
While $575 of that will be spent on experiences and travel, and another $373 will be allocated to non-gift purchases, more than $500 will be designated for gifts in 2022, marking a slight increase from 2021.
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But more money and, in turn, more gifts, doesn’t always guarantee a better, or more memorable holiday season.
Sean Grover, a Manhattan-based psychotherapist, told Newsweek that overfocusing on the amount of money spent on gifts strips holidays of their true meaning, and warned of the harmful effects of frivolity.
“There’s no traction to materialism in terms of identity and sense of self,” Grover said. “It loses any kind of spirit, and it becomes sort of competitive.”
Overspending during the holidays, especially as children learn how much gifts cost, can pit siblings and other relatives against each other, potentially causing lasting damage to crucial familial relationships.
It can also lead children to believe there are no spending limits, setting them up for failure in the future.
“Overindulgence can create the illusion that parents have endless financial resources,” Grover told Newsweek. “[It] lowers self esteem, by reinforcing your value comes from what you own—not who you are.”
On multiple occasions throughout the viral Reddit post, the original poster said her husband expressed concern over damaging their nephew’s self-esteem, not with too many expensive gifts, but by making it obvious to the boy he received a lesser gift because of his economic status.
Redditors responding to the viral post echoed this sentiment, lambasting the original poster for basing her nephew’s gift on what her children could receive in return.
“[You’re the a******],” Redditor u/Kris82868 wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 55,000 upvotes. “If anything his parents not having much would be a reason that I spend more on the child.”
“Exactly,” Redditor u/Miserable_Rub_1848 agreed, receiving nearly 16,000 upvotes. “I can’t understand OP’s thought process at all.”
Redditor u/dbee8q, whose comment has received more than 21,000 upvotes, offered a similar response.
“You don’t give to receive,” they wrote. “The fact you add everything you get up and work out gifts based on that shows how superficial you are and how you have zero clue about the meaning of Christmas.”
“Christmas is not about how much other people can give you and you’re punishing a child for the perceived flaws of his parents?” Redditor u/erimeraz commented, receiving nearly 7,500 upvotes.
“You actually spend on children based on what you expect to receive from their parents?” Redditor u/Global_Rich2165 chimed in. “That’s messed up.”
Newsweek has reached out to u/availableusername78 for comment. We could not verify details of the case.
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