Single for a Reason

SFAR (single for a reason) is a real thing. On a monthly basis as a dating coach, I talk to dozens of clients…Plus those who want to become clients. And the things I hear.

So, this will be some straight talk, no BS. If I had a dollar for every single man or woman who called me and said—

1. There are no good singles out there—they are all married

2. Men want slim model types

3. My girlfriends tell me the horrors of online dating

4. Online doesn’t work for me

5. They just want my money or to be taken care of

And many more. All excuses. This is not the year 2000 when online dating was still in its infancy and hadn’t quite honed their algorithms and search engines.

So, let’s be honest, it’s you, not them. I’m absolutely not being negative—I just know that over 65% of my clients are now in relationships and it does work—if you work it.

Social media and the current dating culture has surrounded us with so many people, yet, at the same time I see more isolation than ever before—and I’ve been working with singles for 25 years! Working it does not mean looking for love in your spare moments, swiping while in traffic or at the dentist’s office, or a quick look at possible matches while watching Jeopardy with a glass of wine or during a football game with a beer and looking at your site sporadically during commercial breaks. Nope. This strategy is a recipe for failure!

So, let’s start by debunking those excuses. They are not all married. You are stuck in a rut, doing the same ol’ same ‘ol. 48% of the population is single according to the US Census Bureau. No, all men don’t wany younger slim women—actually stats say 80% want someone right around their own age.

Please please don’t listen to your girlfriends!!! If they are married, they are so clueless what’s going on in the singles scene. If they are single, well, there’s a reason.

And, then I hear “I want to meet him/her organically”. This is not our parents/grandparents era. I strongly believe we are so lucky to have so many options and if you are on the right sites, online will work for you. With a strategy of course. A bit of work. But it needn’t be a full-time job—you can have a coach to help you with the heavy lifting and keep your spirits in check.

Example: Trina, 49, a New Yorker, had super high expectations when she came to me in October. She told me her goal was a relationship by Christmas. I told her we’d start by dating with zero emphasis on a relationship. (of course, that was our end goal—but it all starts with the first date, the second and so on). On her first 3 dates (all in one week) she was forthright with the men and told them her goal.

Then she was surprised she never heard from them. Trina and I had a long coaching call on appropriate first date talk—and she’s relieved as the pressure is off. Last week (before the storm and delayed flights put me out of commission for a few days) she told me about Matt. She’d kept the conversation light, she laughed a lot and genuinely enjoyed herself on the first date. As we roll into this weekend, they are going on their 4th date. That’s how relationships start—one date at a time.

Ok, last, she’s a gold digger or he’s out for my money. With careful screening of potential dates, professions and their current lifestyle, I rarely, if ever see this. Now, I did see more of this in the early 2000’s but not in the past 10 years. We read profiles together when I’m working with a client and can spot abnormalities in a heartbeat (and I teach you that too!).

One more thing: Be positive and jump into this as if it’s an adventure. Like climbing the trail to Machu Picchu. Or ziplining the 2-mile Sasquatch in Canada. Yes, a bit of nerves is good, but hopefully more excitement than angst!

Happy Dating and Happy New Year!

Please text me at 702-494-7344 if you’d like to schedule a 15-minute call to see if I can help and we are a good fit.

Andrea McGinty

Dating Consultant

https://www.33000Dates.com