If you find yourself continually making the same mistakes when it comes to dating, it might be time to look at the habits you’ve fallen into and seeing if there’s anything you could be doing differently. These are some of the toxic dating habits it’s easy to adopt, and how to get rid of them.
Fixating on small details
It’s really easy to build up a picture of your perfect partner in your mind and then be disappointed when the people you meet inevitably don’t match up to it. Leave your list of the things you think you want at home and be curious about who your date is, rather than who you want them to be.
Dating unavailable people
If someone is on a dating site, you’d hope they’d be available, right? In theory, yes, but there are many ways to be unavailable. For example, f someone has recently come out of a relationship and is still hung up on their ex, they’re unavailable. Rather than believing you can rescue them from their sadness, back off and give them time to get over it. Then dedicate yourself to looking for someone who is genuinely ready for a relationship.
Getting too serious immediately
Good, solid relationships take time to develop, so if you find yourself going from having a date to practically living together within a couple of weeks, things are moving too fast and it won’t last. Slow down, maintain your own space and give a relationship the chance to grow naturally.
Ignoring red flags
A red flag is something that means you are fundamentally incompatible, no matter how much you wish it away, for example someone not wanting to have kids when you do. Although it might not seem like it matters when you start dating, it will end up breaking your heart, so know how to recognise red flags and act on them before things go too far.
Expecting an immediate spark
Before a date you’ll probably be feeling all tingly with anticipation, which may fade when you actually meet them in real life. But don’t let that put you off because often there won’t be an immediate, exciting spark. If you have a good time with someone, that’s enough. See them again, and see if your feelings grow.
Falling into a relationship you don’t really want
On the flipside, you don’t want to spend so much time waiting for the spark that you end up dating for so long that you find a year has passed and you’re in a relationship you aren’t that into. It’s important to give people a chance, but you also need to check in with your own feelings and see if you really want to pursue a relationship with this person.
Not being honest
Dating works best when you are honest, both with yourself and your date. Telling fibs about yourself at the beginning can land you in trouble later, as can pretending to be really into someone when you’re actually not 100% sure. Be honest, but kind, and things will work out for the best.
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Karen Dickinson
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