A miracle was seen in the sky over Kampala, Uganda… a rainbow!
Immediately, government forces took aim with their outdated rifles and shot volleys into the seven colors hanging beneath a cloud—for no good reason!
President Yoweri Kaguta Museveni, who has been in power since 1986 (no term limits for him, so you know he’s good!) called for an all-out nationwide arrest of anybody who dared to even look at the rainbow, much less salute it, blow a kiss at it, or do something even “totally gayer than those things,” according to the President’s spokesperson, Liberace Von Flamer.
Scientists tried to explain to the poorly educated Prez about light and prisms and Isaac Newton, but they got nowhere and were soon shot.
A prism was thrown at the president, who caught it, became momentarily hypnotized by it, then shot the thrower.
The rainbow didn’t last long and vanished magically. The Prez blamed wizards and vampires.
Strangely, the spokesperson, Liberace, had this to say: “Don’t say I said this, but all night long the Prez plays hardcore gay porn on his 2000-inch television, which takes up an entire wall in his palace. And he cranks up the sound. Tons of guys in orgies doing everything in every language and position—and I mean… well, I’ve said too much. But the guys come in all colors too! Just like a rainbow! Please don’t let the homophobic bastard kill me. I just love to love, and I love rainbows almost more than life itself. I have to leave now. Is your country taking in migrants… oh shit, never mind. Guess I’ll just have to die.”
As this reporter left Uganda by a high-speed jet pack, I looked back to see Liberace weeping—but for sorrow or joy, I couldn’t tell.
I flew through a double rainbow (clearly an orgy about to happen) and was free of Ugandan airspace.
With heartfelt thanks to Liberace, I remain alive to tell this tale.