WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – In a move that’s sure to make the working-class cheer, President Biden has announced a new tax plan that will finally stick it to the man.
The “50% Fair Tax Diddly Deal,” will introduce a new tax bracket for billionaires – yes, even for Democrats and Independents.
The president’s press secretary, Tapioca Swizzle, told reporters that this is a long-overdue measure to make the wealthiest Americans pay their fair share.
“For too long, billionaires like Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk have gotten away with paying next to nothing in taxes,” Swizzle said. “But those days are over. Under the new plan, the wealthiest Americans will finally have to cough up some dough.”
The president also took a swipe at former President Donald Trump, who famously refused to release his tax returns.
“We don’t want to hear any whining or crying from the likes of ‘Baby Fingers’ Trump,” Biden said, eliciting laughter from the crowd.
As for how the new tax plan will be enforced, the president had a novel idea:
“We’ll send in the IRS with a squad of accountants armed with calculators and rulers. If they find any funny business, we’ll make sure those billionaires are brought to justice – or at least, to a moderately well-appointed holding cell.”
Critics have accused the president of waging class warfare, but Biden brushed off the criticism.
“As they say, money can’t buy happiness,” he said, “but it can buy you a yacht big enough to park it right next to happiness. So, I figure a little extra tax won’t hurt our billionaires too much. They can still afford to bathe their feet in caviar and pay someone to read bedtime stories to their rocket-ships.”
SIDENOTE: Whether the new tax plan will be a success remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure: billionaires won’t be laughing all the way to the bank anymore.
