What you don’t know about your toilet paper may take control of your life!
TP specialist and scientist, Goober De Jimmy, has stated, “We put so many microfibers in your toilet paper, your ass is already infected!”
Infected? With what, Goober?
“Nano particles are currently swimming up anuses all over the world and transforming into nano worms that are turning people into half-reptilian, half-simian hybrids. It’s all hybrids, man! I don’t have enough weed to smoke to wrap my brain around all the shit we put into your ass after you shit!”
While Jefferson Airplane played in the background and I stared at blacklight posters of unicorns and marijuana flowers… Goober and I enjoyed some of his homegrown kush… I felt the need to use the facilities!
The paper was quilted with little flowers. And it was purple.
“It’s in the dyes, man! The dye process is how we camouflage the nanos, man! Robots in the ass! What’re you gonna do, not wipe? Everybody wipes! You ain’t got no choice. The ass is the gateway to the brain! Hendrix knew – that’s why Nixon had him killed, man!”
Quickly, I flew to France, inventors of the bidet. For now, I am safe… but for how long?