Mom who cracked husband’s safe with crowbar backed online: “Had no choice”

Internet commenters were outraged after one stay-at-home mother revealed why she broke into her husband’s safe while he was away on business.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/throwaway3313765 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she has little access to money and was forced to make a difficult decision during a medical emergency, infuriating her husband as a result.

Titled, “[Am I the a**hole] for opening my husband’s safe with a crowbar to get money for an emergency?” the post has received nearly 11,000 upvotes and 2,500 comments since October 18.

“My husband dedicates most of his salary towards the kids and household,” OP began. “[He] has a safe that he puts money in on a monthly basis…saved money for an emergency.”

Continuing to explain that she has been denied access to the safe on numerous occasions, and does not have a bank account of her own, OP said her husband has long said that if there ever is an emergency, all she needs to do is tell him.

OP also said that when her husband recently went away on a business trip, there was an emergency, and that she was left with no money to take care of it.

“Our son got sick and I had to take him to the hospital,” OP wrote. “He needed medication but I didn’t have any money except what was in the safe.

“I called my husband but he didn’t respond. I texted him…[and] he suggested I either wait for him…or ‘borrow money from the neighbors,'” OP continued. “I hung up and went to the garage to grab a crowbar then took it to the safe and opened it.

“I took the money I needed…and went to the pharmacy to get the medication,” OP added. “My husband came home a bit [early] and when he saw what I’d done to the safe, he flipped out…saying I breached his trust and boundaries…[and] that I had no respect for him, his income and instructions.”

Although financial abuse is not restricted to romantic partnerships, and the potential for exploitation exists across a myriad of familial and business relationships, its prevalence among couples is undeniable.

Financial abuse, like other forms of abuse, is often boiled down to a singular, driving force.

“When we’re talking about financial abuse, we’re talking about some element of control,” trauma psychotherapist Amanda Ann Gregory told Newsweek. “There’s always an element of control.”

Individuals who experience financial abuse in a relationship are largely cut off from any monetary resources, rendering them completely dependent on their partner, which becomes especially risky in the case of emergencies.

“They don’t have control over their money,” Gregory said. “There’s no sort of decision making…because we have somebody else who is very much in control of that.”

“If we have a situation where one person is bringing in money and the other person just gets to control all of that, then we have somebody in a very vulnerable situation,” Gregory continued.

In the case of OP, and other stay-at-home parents, a lack of personal income can turn financially abusive circumstances even more complicated and enforcing of traditional gender roles and expectations.

“Couples kind of feel pressured to have only one person working, with the cost of childcare,” Gregory said. “And a lot of times women are kind of already behind the curve and pay, so who’s gonna stay home?”

Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors took major issue with the way OP was stripped of numerous basic, financial rights and encouraged the mother of two to seriously reconsider her relationship.

“This is financial abuse and it’s absolutely insane,” Redditor u/GoingPriceForHome wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 34,000 upvotes. “Go to the neighbors and borrow money? Seriously?

“[Not the a**hole] times infinity,” they continued. “You are your children are victims of abuse. You need to get out.”

Redditor u/Ok-Mode-2038, whose comment has received nearly 7,000 upvotes, offered a similar response.

“The fact that he cares more about money and this supposed ‘breach of trust’ than your son’s health is highly concerning,” they wrote. “The fact that he left you with no money and you have access to no money is financial abuse.”

“If you don’t have enough money for basic costs without permission something is drastically wrong,” Redditor u/Creepy-Bag-5913 added, receiving more than 3,000 upvotes.

Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway3313765 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.