CICERO, Illinois – (Satire News) – The powers that be at McDonalds are upset that many of their franchise outlets are having trouble getting people to apply to work for their fast food chain.
They have announced a new initiative to entice job seekers to join their team. As part of the program, new hires will receive a cutting-edge McPhone – a smartphone that is not available to the public.
The McPhone was designed and manufactured in Chicago and is made from environmentally sustainable materials. Its case is made from recycled breadcrumbs and used cooking oil and even smells like a Big Mac.
One of the standout features of the McPhone is an app that tracks how many burgers and fries an employee cooks and serves, along with a built-in system that monitors the duration of toilet breaks. If an employee exceeds the allocated time, the McPhone will taser them to encourage quicker restroom visits!
Moreover, the phone is programmed to send messages to everyone in the user’s contact list, urging them to go buy McDonalds. The signature sign-off for all texts is “I’m loving it,” such as “Hey Mom, just heard about Dad’s heart attack – I’m loving it.”
The McPhone also comes with a creepy Ronald McDonald wallpaper, pre-loaded with every jingle and ad for McDonalds, including the one from 1973, which when played backwards, tells you to burn down Burger King.
The McPhone can withstand being dropped into a fryer with 350-degree oil for 30 minutes and still work like a charm.
While the McPhone may not be available to the public, customers have a chance to win a coveted McPhone with every purchase of a large shake. Customers who find a french fry hidden in their shake will receive the grand prize – and a free french fry.