Since no one can find Lukashenko, dictator and Putin puppet of Belarus, the good people of that country have decided to elect a log of wood as its leader.
The log has promised sweeping reforms!
All trees shall be protected and given equal rights with human beings – perhaps they will have even more rights than human beings, the cancer of the planet.
There shall be ample water and sunlight for all! New trees will be planted until the entire nation is essentially one giant forest. Houses and apartment buildings will be torn down to make way for more forests.
The people will live in tree forts or in tunnels in the ground, like hobbits. (Also good in case of nuclear war – everybody lives in bomb shelters).
There will be no advanced technology like phones and TVs and nuclear missiles since these do nothing to help the lives and growth of trees. All factories that belch smoke into the sky and cause acid rain to fall will be demolished.
Belarus will revert to an agrarian society. Putin hates the idea. The log is not only fervently anti-Putin but also anti-human. ‘Trees first!’ ‘Don’t tread on my wood!’ ‘You ain’t got the acorns to cut me down!’ say some of the placards of those in support of the new/old way of life.
Chainsaws and fire will be banned. Belarus will be a very cold country come winter – so not much changes.
Some people of other nations like the idea. Tree-huggers, mostly. Why not trust a log of wood instead of a human being, they ask? Trees don’t have party gates or pizza gates or any gates while the world is locked in fear of a disease. Dutch elm is the only disease the log worries about.
Or I should say, The Log! All hail the bark and berry and seed and leaf! Down with the flesh and bone who do naught but destroy the Earth!
Will more nations embrace logs as their leaders? Will the planet heal from the evils of chemical/industrial/political mankind? When the Homo sapiens no longer have power, will they enjoy their lives as second-class citizens beneath the root, suckling the delicious sap of the evergreen and deciduous?
The Log has decided that people have their heads buried in the proverbial sand with their asses in the air – the complete opposite of the trees – and thus can only ever destroy instead of creating a good life for themselves and for all species that have the right to this planet.
Only through trees can human beings finally stand upright – like their half-monkey ancestors – and be like unto the Log – with their faces raised to the sunlight of a new dawn and their feet firmly planted into solid earth.
The Log has spoken.