One couple wed, one did not, and what followed might be the most powerful three minutes in reality TV history
{Read: 11 Takeaways from the First Six Episodes of Love is Blind Season 6 ; Love is Blind Episodes 7-9: Gold Cups and OCD ; 8 Moments from Love is Blind Episodes 10 – 11 }
The finale of Love is Blind season 6 concluded consistently. It was equal parts nonsense, touching, and outrageous.
The focus of this closing recap is Clay. He and AD were the wild card and remained such, right up until Clay said, “I don’t.”
At the risk of being publicly stoned, I believe Clay’s decision was incredibly thoughtful and mature. I say that assuming that his rejection of vows at the altar, rather than privately in advance, was imposed by production. I have to believe that he would not intentionally embarrass AD, as his decision seemed rooted in a fear of letting her down as a husband.
As an avid reality TV watcher, I feel qualified to make this next statement: the scene with Clay’s mother and father talking after his rejection of AD at the altar, was one of the most powerful moments in reality TV history.
Clay’s mother demonstrated how a grown, mature, evolved, fully actualized woman and mother conducts herself and advocates for her child. This woman, who has clearly taken responsibility for her own healing, had the fortitude to peacefully communicate with her philandering ex-husband with love, dignity, and purpose. She possessed the quick insight as to how their marriage was manifesting in her son in real time. And she was able to gently guide her ex-husband towards understanding how his misdeeds had impacted their son and how he needed to repair it. She held him accountable, without venom, anger, or blame. In fact, when his father began to break down in tears listening to how his actions impacted his son, his mother had the grace to place her hand upon his and confirm her forgiveness of him. All while calmly expressing her hurt over just learning her ex-husband had taken Clay along on some of his dalliances with other women.
Clay’s father is worthy of praise as well. At no point did he become defensive, dismissive, or upset. He did not storm off or try to minimize his responsibility. Clay’s mother delivered a message like a full-grown woman, and his father received it like a full-grown man. I hope he takes her message to heart and works to repair the damage he’s caused within his son because I think it might be all Clay needs in order to move forward as a committed, productive partner.
This scene was so important because of its rarity. We all know divorced couples with far less damage between them that cannot summon the maturity to even sit near one another at an event for their children. There has also been a trend amongst the baby boomer generation of parental fragility and emotional immaturity, in which parents are unable or unwilling to receive feedback on how they have impacted their children. To watch two people conduct themselves with calm understanding for the benefit and betterment of their child, was an incredible opportunity for all of us to reconsider our own behavior and the areas in which we employ selfishness and infantile defense mechanisms over love. Clay’s mother deserves a standing ovation, and maybe even a book deal and podcast.
By saying not yet, Clay made a decision that prioritized AD’s best interest. By his parents saying we have to stop the bleeding and not pass our wounds on to our child, they prioritized their son over their egos and emotional entanglements. Love may or may not be blind, but it is most certainly just that: placing the other person’s needs before your wants.
I hope Clay does the work necessary for him to be confident in his ability to be a husband, because someone out there deserves to be blessed with his mama as a mother-in-law.
Amanda Pagliarini Howard
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