Senator Lindsey Graham has taken delivery of a suspicious package from the Russian Federation. Inside the package, a price label and instructions explicitly commanding the senator to affix the label onto his head, under the authority of none other than Vlad Putin himself!
Wow, what an honor … some would say, but not Lindsey.
A spokesmonkey for the South Carolina senator said, “The senator thought it was a joke. I mean, American politicians barely even know any Russian politicians beyond Putin because they just don’t care. Having your life threatened by Putin is like having Hitler hate you. That’s a good thing! The senator isn’t scared. He flip-flops more than a bad penny, so there’s a good chance he’ll say he loves Putin, and then the price drops to zero. And everybody laughs and laughs and tries to destroy America a little more. This thing isn’t on, is it?”
Trump has pulled his support for Graham due to Putin’s price, saying “Vlad is my buddy, I love him, and I don’t like anybody who insults my buddies, even though I kinda brushed it off when Putin put a price on the heads of American soldiers in Syria – a war which I would’ve won so easily because I can stop wars with one phone call – and the prices on American heads weren’t even worth that much – I would’ve offered a lot more money – I am so rich, you don’t even realize – wait, who are you – you’re fake news – I only talk to legit news like Fox – is their lawsuit over yet?”
My tape recorder ran out of tape, but then again, we’ve all heard enough of that last idiot. If only the other ones would follow suit and just walk into the nearest jail cell and scream at the walls for a few decades, or until the world forgets they exist.
No price is too large to forget the past three to five years. Lindsey is boring television now.