James Gandolfini Was So Much More Than Tony Soprano

He was known for playing Tony Soprano—a brutish, selfish, abusive thug, a criminal and philanderer and cold-blooded killer. But there were miles of real estate between James Gandolfini and the character that made him famous, as anyone who knew Gandolfini could tell you.

So on this, the 10-year anniversary of his untimely and unexpected passing, we spoke to more than two dozen of his costars, collaborators, and friends, to get a better picture of the real James Gandolfini. They agreed on many things: his warmth, his generosity, his sense of humor, his intensity as an actor. The only thing they really split on was what to call him.

Susan Aston (longtime acting partner and coach): It’s funny, because you can tell when somebody met him by what they call him. When I met him, he was James, and he didn’t start going by Jim till later.

Karen Duffy (entertainment journalist and high school classmate): Yeah, it was Jimmy, Bucky, and James.

Drea de Matteo (costar, The Sopranos): I called him Jim or Jimmy. Yeah. James? No. [laughs]

Vincent Curatola (costar, The Sopranos): I think his sisters called him Jamie.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus (costar, Enough Said): I called him Jim.

Edie Falco (costar, The Sopranos): When I first met him, I asked him, “What do I call you?” And he said, “Whatever you want,” which was no help at all! But I called him Jim.

Jake Scott (director, Welcome to the Rileys): His appearance and his size was imposing. So, you know, you approached him cautiously. But he was a big, gentle, beautiful, warm, loving human. So you felt you earned the right to call him Jim or Jimmy.

Mykelti Williamson (costar, 12 Angry Men): I’d seen his work. But we got to the stage at Paramount, and he’s just the coolest, down-to-earth, New Jersey/New York–type personality. He was just a sweetheart of a guy—but you could tell that there’s a sharp edge on the other end of that thing too.

John Magaro (costar, Not Fade Away and Down the Shore): When I first met him, you know, it’s him, and he’s intimidating. He just has a presence about him. He was a big guy. And he’s not super talkative, he’s not super jokey. But then once you crack the outer shell, you understand that Jim is hilarious, likes to goof around.

Mimi Kennedy (costar, In the Loop): I just felt like I was in fifth grade with him. He was the freest actor that I’ve ever worked opposite, because of that 11-year-old energy of just, “Yeah, we’re in this. They think we’re supposed to do this, but I’m gonna make you laugh.” And I always would laugh.

De Matteo: The ongoing joke we used to—oh, this is so fucked up, I don’t even know if I should be divulging this kind of information—but my friend Ginger, who was a PA on the show at the time…we used to walk around and make, like, the sound of a faucet going. Meaning, like, we need a cold shower, every time we walked by Jim. Who knew that we would have crushes on this big, hulking, balding, middle-aged man?

Rosanna Arquette (costar, Gun): He has those very compassionate, empathetic eyes. When you connect with somebody’s eyes, as an actor, you really can connect in that way immediately.

Tony Danza (costar, 12 Angry Men): He had a different look than anybody else. He wasn’t what you expected for an Italian leading man. And he had a real…he had such an ease of delivery. The guy was really, really good.