I hate Marvel Snap and so does my toilet seat

^Stay tuned for our Marvel Snap review video!

Marvel Snap is better than it has any right to be. It certainly is too good for the likes of me: a strictly single-player person who much prefers a cosy PlayStation exclusive with exploration and narrative and not a single other human being getting involved to ruin everything. But I couldn’t stay away, could I? Because you lot wouldn’t stop going on about it. And now I have a permanent imprint of my toilet seat on my arse and legs. This is your fault, every single one of you.

Curse you, and it, for its delectable sound design, its beautiful animations, its ultra-compelling just-one-more-match battle and progression systems that get its hooks deep into your soul, firing every nerve in your pleasure centres along the way.

Curse you, and it, for its excellent and truly free-to-play (for now) business model, which eschews any pay-to-win cynicism in favour of a design which strictly only accepts coin for cosmetic upgrades, and keeps the playing field level for those of us who have zero desire to chuck £8.99 at a handful of Dr. Doom Dollars or whatever the hell it is.

Curse you, and it, for bringing this absolute delight to my attention, which I’m sure would be a gateway into all sorts of card-based pish were it not for the fact that my attention span is fleeting and I definitely won’t be playing it in three weeks.

I’ve made peace with the fact that I’ll never unlock Venom in that time, but regardless, well done to all involved.