When I was in elementary school, my cousin, who is 10 years older than me, had three adorable girls, so I spent the majority of my spare time babysitting his children. I had a maternal instinct that was very prevalent from a young age, maybe because of my own personal childhood experiences, I felt the need to protect children and help keep them safe.
As a teenager, I began to babysit some of the local children in my area, in Hull, Yorkshire. I was a quiet and studious teenager; a book reader. My sister was a busy teenager who socialized more.
Working as a nanny and wanting to be a mom
When I left school at the age of 16, I worked in a nursery first, and then became a nanny. I knew that I wanted to be a mom because I had a deep maternal instinct. After I got married at the age of 20 in 1990, I had my first child, James, in December of that year. But my marriage didn’t last; we divorced in 1993.
I met my second husband, Christopher, in 2000, and we shortly got married a year after. My son, James was 12 at the time, and although I knew that I wanted to have a big family, I knew that there would be a large gap between James and any other child that I’d have.
Jo Newby
Regardless, Christopher and I wanted to start a family, so I decided that rather than filling the world with our own children, we would give a home to some children that already existed in the world, who are displaced. That’s why we became foster parents. Because of my experience in being a nanny and babysitting for years, we felt that we would be really good at it.
The process for being approved for fostering took a year. The authorities did background checks on my husband and me, which took around six months. We also had to take part in a number of training classes, as well as a psychological assessment which consisted of a social worker coming to our home and speaking with us weekly for a period of time. It was a very intrusive process, and very rightly so, as children were to be placed in our care.
Fostering our first child
One evening in April 2004, our first baby arrived. She was a few months old at the time. Her arrival was a surreal experience because she was an emergency placement. It was the first time that a child was given to us to foster.
Christopher and I took some time to absorb the moment. I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility for this tiny human.
Looking after our first foster child was a humbling experience. Although we knew that we were going to be foster carers, it was reassuring to know that we were trusted with a child’s wellbeing and welfare.
This baby girl lived with us for a few months and was successfully reunited with her parents who had evidently proved that they had made some changes in their lives. But a few months later, she was back in our care again, as these changes were not sustained. She remained with us until she was two. She’s still a big part of our life now. Although she’s 18, she often texts me and sometimes visits. I have also built a great relationship with her mom and dad, and we see each other sometimes.
Moving homes to accommodate more children
In 2005, we bought a bigger house because I didn’t have enough room for all the children that we wanted to foster. When we moved into our new house, we had it remodeled and built a playroom next to the kitchen so the children were in the same room as me, even when I was cooking. We renovated the house to make it an ideal home for having young children.
Sometime later, I started to foster children with additional needs and larger groups of children from the same family. I felt that other kids were often easier to place, but the children that came with difficulties like disabilities or behavioral problems were more difficult to find a home for.
Some of them needed long-term placements, and some of them were the children that were successfully reunited with their family after a period of time. A lot of them were also younger children who went on to be adopted or teenagers that moved into independence as adults.
Adopting Kasper
My son, Kasper, came in 2009. He was diagnosed with a lot of additional needs when he was very young. He was 18 months old when he arrived and by the time he turned five, we decided that he needed to have a permanent home. I didn’t believe that long-term fostering was an option for him, as he needed stability. Although it went against what the local authority may have wanted at the time, we put in an application to the court to adopt Kasper, and it was finalized in 2015. He’s 14 now, and we’ve seen him through many obstacles.
I try to take small breaks in between fostering, but once I’ve been for lunch with my friends, or had a fun trip, I’m ready to be at home with the children again because of my unexplainable need to nurture them. I often feel like, although I am meeting their needs, they’re also meeting my needs.
Jo Newby
I don’t know what I would have done with my life if I hadn’t begun fostering. I went to university to qualify as a social worker in 2011 because people had often told me that I could be influential in the foster care system. But I quickly realized that I wanted to be at home, taking care of children and directly involved in their lives in any capacity.
I’m thrilled every time I see a child make progress, grow and develop. In a similar way, it’s how a new mom gets excited to see a child’s first smile, first tooth, or their first baby steps. I’m joyful to have that honor as their carer; experiencing these milestones for the first time still excites me and makes me feel grateful. For some young people, choosing to have a shower is a big thing for them because that’s not something that they would have been able to do at home, or using a toothbrush for the first time. I am privileged enough to be able to witness these moments.
Fostering long-term and my one parenting rule
Since our first foster child, we have always had at least one child living with us. The most we had was seven, in 2020. It was a difficult but special time for us. The foster care system struggled because of the COVID-19 pandemic, so we wanted to do everything in our power to help. The amount of time that we’ve had children stay with us also varies. Sometimes, we have them for a few hours. Other times, we have them for up to five years.
My one parenting rule is for me and not the children. I always tell myself to be consistent. Children thrive in predictable environments with good routines and calm, dependable carers. That’s what I try to foster every day.
In 2022, my husband, Christopher saw an opportunity for me to win an award as somebody in the community who is seen as a hero. I immediately brushed it off as I did not think I would qualify, but he still nominated me. When it was announced that I was the winner, I was completely shocked. At first, I thought that there could have been a mistake. The winner of this award had to have a statue dedicated to them in central London. When I got my body scanned under a machine in order to get my measurements for the statue, it was a surreal feeling.
Jo Newby
Eventually, I saw the statue itself. There it stood, this huge version of me. Balloons blowing in the wind. I was tearful and extremely humbled that people could consider me a hero for doing seemingly ordinary things. People were walking past and taking pictures of this.
While it’s a physical representation of me, in my opinion, it recognizes the hard and sometimes undervalued work that foster carers do. I was thankful for my husband during this whole process, because if it wasn’t for his support, we wouldn’t have been fostering, and continuing to foster, so many children. He has always helped me out, and now works from home, in order to incorporate school runs into his working day, which helps me concentrate on the younger children at home.
So far, I have fostered 92 children. Over the years, many moms have been very encouraging to me. Some have asked me how I have the energy to foster many children and still continue to do it. Others have expressed how proud they are. It’s such a privilege that some of these moms have allowed us to be in their children’s lives, even after adoption.
Jo Newby began fostering in April 2004. Since then, she has fostered 92 children. She has been recognized as the UK’s kind hero by KIND Snacks and has a statue dedicated to her in central London. She also runs disability football groups in Hull, East Yorkshire. You can find out more about her here.
All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.
As told to Newsweek associate editor, Carine Harb.
