How Do You Feel When You’re Interrupted?

If you had to sum up in one word what it feels like to be interrupted, what would it be? Why would you describe the experience that way?

In “Hold That Thought! Here’s Why Being Interrupted Is So Irritating.” Jancee Dunn writes about why we become so mad and what to do about it:

My parents have been married for 60 years. At this point, they’ve worked out most of their issues. But if my father interrupts my mother, her eyes grow unnaturally bright, and she rises up like a cobra.

That’s a sign that she is about to detonate — and our family knows to scatter.

Why is it so annoying when people interrupt? For many of us, it can feel diminishing and condescending, said Maria Venetis, an associate professor of communication at Rutgers University. Sometimes it’s even “enraging,” she added, “because it suggests that my ideas or my participation aren’t valid.”

This feeling is especially familiar to those who experience it more regularly, such as women, who are more frequently interrupted by men.

Interrupters often have more “achieved or ascribed power” and are used to having people quiet down when they want to speak, said Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University and the author of “Love Every Day.”

How can you manage interruptions? Experts gave some tips, including speaking up:

Weigh your options, said Elaine Swann, an etiquette expert and the author of “Let Crazy Be Crazy.” Ask yourself whether you should speak up or let the interruption slide, she said.

If you decide to cut in, Swann suggested “lifting your hand up ever so slightly and saying, ‘Hold on, I’d like to finish my thought.’”

You can also consider having a conversation with someone who interrupts you a lot:

Explore the root cause of the problem, Dr. Solomon said. Ask each other questions like: How would you describe our conversation patterns? How did people have discussions in your family growing up? How do you feel when you’re interrupted?

And, if you’re the interrupter, examine your behaviors:

Watch your listener for cues, Dr. Solomon said. Does the person look impatient or disengaged? If you read a transcript of the conversation, she said, are the two of you speaking for roughly the same amount of time?

That’s what you should aim for, Dr. Solomon said. “We tend to want our conversations to feel like a tennis game, with a lot of back and forth,” she said.

Students, read the entire article and then respond to the following:

• Ms. Dunn gives several reasons that being interrupted can feel so irritating. Which ones resonate with you and why?

• How do you typically react when you’re interrupted? Do you speak up? Do you explode in anger? Do you become annoyed and disengage from the conversation? Is this a behavior you’d like to change?

• What strategies, if any, have you used to deal with interruptions and make sure you’re heard? Which of the suggestions from the article might you like to try?

• Do you tend to interrupt others? Why do you think that is? How can you make sure your conversations are more equal?

• To what extent do you think identity plays a role in who interrupts and who is interrupted? Ms. Dunn says that women are interrupted more by men and that interrupters are more likely to be people with power. Is this true in your experience? Why do you think that is? How does it make you feel?

• Is interrupting always rude? In this guest essay from 2021, a linguistics professor argues that sometimes it’s acceptable. What do you think? Are there some cases when it’s OK to interject? If so, when, and why?

Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public and may appear in print.

Find more Student Opinion questions here. Teachers, check out this guide to learn how you can incorporate these prompts into your classroom.