[EP33] How to Make It Easier for Your Man to Lead

Transcript

Welcome to another episode of The Awakened Wife. My name is Jachym Jerie from your exceptional relationship.com. And today, it is just me alone again, and the topic is related to the previous one, which is how to make it easier for your man to lead. We are going to be looking at that. And then the next episode after that will be the law of polarity in relationships, where me and Natasha are going to be looking at that. But before we go into that, let’s look at how to make it easier for your man to lead. 

So I can tell you from personal experience, that there are things that make it difficult for a man to lead. And when you don’t do them, it makes it easier. Let’s start with the very obvious one which is wanting to be led. If you don’t want to be led, there is no point in your man leading and he eventually will stop trying. Because whenever he suggests something or says something, it is being brushed, brushed off. So why should he bother to put in the thought and the energy of communicating it and then checking in with you to see whether you need help or even helping you to implement some of those things? I mean, all of that takes time, it takes effort, it takes energy. And when you are not being responsive yourself, like when you brush him off, when you give him all the resistance, he eventually will become discouraged and be like 

You know what, it seems like you have it all figured out, you know best just go ahead, do your thing. And he just lets you go. However, when he lets you go, he also lets go of the leadership role he likes to go off showing up in his masculine essence within the relationship. And what can happen is that the relationship gets depolarized, you start to see him as a useless man, or you start to see him as a boy or you start to stop being attracted towards him. And all kinds of problems can come from that. And so being willing to be led by your husband is the very first ingredient that makes it easier for him to lead you. Now, if you’re in a relationship where you seem to have been wearing the pants, or you were resistant towards this leadership, then I do encourage you to bring that up to him and say, Look, I actually do want you to step up more, I want your input, I want your leadership in this relationship. Please help me out with that. And doing that is something that’s very vulnerable and raw, but it’s also very feminine. And what will happen on his side, most likely is that he may be a bit shocked, muddied, will also draw out his masculine power, where he’s like, Okay, my, my wife, my woman needs me, let me see how I can help her. Okay, so it is something that’s extremely positive and can be a very positive experience for your man for his self-esteem for his overall well-being. And the same for you. 

Okay, now, let’s look at the next part of wanting or making it easier for your man to lead. Now this one ties in with the previous one, but it’s a bit more subtle, and that is, where are you taking on the leadership role in the relationship? Take out a piece of paper, make a list, see, where are you saying things, what you’ll get done, what he needs to do, how he should be, and all of that. Now, as we have discussed previously, it’s not like you have to hand over any and all responsibilities to your husband. And even if you’re better at something, he should just go ahead and do it and do a less than an optimal job. That’s not, that’s not what we’re suggesting. However, we do recommend that you take an inventory and start becoming conscious of where you’re taking a leadership role in their relationship, and start questioning whether you want to actually take the leadership role in that area, or whether that is something that you want to hand over to your husband or find a different way of him leading in this area. 

Just because someone is a leader doesn’t mean he’s an expert at everything. And just like you can be an expert at something in the household or finances or whatever it is, doesn’t mean that it has to mean that you have to take on the leadership role in this area. It may be that you’re actually executing it, that you’re implementing it that you’re the expert, but it still means that he can actually be part of the decision process and that you can ask him to help you with it. Which brings me to the next point how to make it easier for your man to lead is to ask him for input. Go and ask for help. It’s very simple. I mean, that doesn’t really get much more simpler than that. You have an issue go ask your husband.  

Now, the opposite side of that is that if you have trained your husband to be led by Are you and you’re resenting him for it? He’s probably going to be asking for your opinion all the time. He’s gonna be well, should I wear this? Should I wear that? How do you want the kitchen to be done? How do you want this to be done? How do you want me to cut those vegetables is going to be completely reliant on you because you’ve trained him to be reliant on you. So if you want your man to lead, you have to start learning to say, I trust your judgment, go ahead and do whatever you think is best. So you stop taking the bait, where he’s asking for you to step in and solve the issue or make the decision and you’re just telling him Look, I trust her judgment, go ahead and do it. And then when he does it, you know, don’t complain to him about it, because that’s another thing that makes it extremely difficult for your man to lead is like, you kind of give him the leadership. But as soon as he slips up, you know, you, you let him know how badly he screwed up. 

And it was obvious that he shouldn’t have done this. And that is not a way that you treat a leader. You don’t go and tell a leader how he screwed up. And, and all of those things, yes, there needs to be an honest discussion, yes, or needs to be honest feedback loops within the relationship, otherwise, it’s not healthy. However, having a go at your man, when he does make a mistake, which he will, I can guarantee you that every single leader on this planet has made mistakes and will make mistakes. That’s just a simple fact. Because we don’t know the future, we aren’t perfect, we are not all-knowing, we don’t know what exactly is going to come in the next moment. So there’s a whole bunch of uncertainty that you have to navigate in a leadership position, and you have to make your best decision that you think is right. And that is a difficult position to be in. It’s not always simple. And actually, a lot of times isn’t simple. Because you need to know, do you know that someone else is depending on you? 

Or if you’re in a company, a whole company is depending on you making the right decisions, right. So it’s not like taking the leadership role is simple and on all rewarding, it’s actually a lot of work. And so cut him some slack, he most likely will know that he already screwed up, he most likely will know it himself. Because the outcome is not what he intended it to be. And then you having a go at him can depending on his development, put him into a defensive position. And him starting to deny that something has gone wrong, which then of course erodes your trust further enhanced leadership and you want to have a negative cycle. And so rather than having a go at it, just let him fix it. Let him do you know he brought you there, let him fix it. Tell him that you trust him. It’s okay, we all make mistakes, you can handle it, you’ll do you’ll find a way out. And of course, you can offer your input you can ask him if he wants your input you can offer it. But not doing an incurred not having a go at him and encouraging you at the same time being lenient can will help your man to lead in will make it easier. 

And that’s especially true at the beginning when he’s just starting out in this direction because he will question himself he will feel secure. And he will think that he may not be cut out to do it. And so having the trust and the feedback from you that you do trust Him, makes it a whole lot easier for him to actually go ahead and do it and do it well. Now, it obviously leads into the next part, which is building on it and actually saying thank you and appreciating his leadership. So thank him for what he has done well appreciate it. And that makes it easier for him because he knows he’s doing a good job. He may not be doing an outstanding job and they show obviously room for improvement, but he’s doing a good job and he’s you’re noticing the things he’s doing well. Now it is very, very, very important that you don’t bullshit him. 

Do not tell him that he’s doing something well, when he’s not doing something well do complement something that he’s actually doing well, even if it has room for improvement, but it is in the right direction. compliment that because you’re putting your focus on what he’s doing well, and he will grow and get better as he goes along. But if you’ve done something that’s not right instant, it’s in the wrong direction and you compliment that you’re going to run into the danger that he’s going to do more of that which you don’t want because it’s not right. So make sure that your compliment that your appreciation is genuine and truthful and grounded in reality and that you actually feel it because if he knows and It’s not just in the words that you say, but how you say the energy that you bring to it. If he feels that you’re just saying it for the sake of saying it, he’ll eventually know Yeah. Now sometimes that’s the best you can do because you’re upset, and you want to still give them a compliment, you can still give it a try it and see how it goes, Yeah. But just see what happens to him as a man when you start complimenting and appreciating where he does take the lead. 

Now, there’s another point I want to make, which makes it easy for a man to lead. And I’m not sure how easy it is to explain this concept. But it’s the next concept of being responsive. Now imagine you’re dancing and you’re dancing together, someone in the dance is going to take the lead, right. So if you doing the traditional dance, the man is going to take the lead, and he’s going to lead you through this dance, he can only lead you as well as you are being responsive to his cues. And the same applies in your relationship. So imagine that you’re dancing life together, and your husband is giving you cues on where to go and how to react, and what to do. You need to be responsive towards those cues. Sometimes they’re subtle, sometimes they’re direct. And so notice, when you’re not being responsive, now the hallmark of not being responsive is usually felt in your body through dealing hard. 

They’re feeling contracted within yourself when your husband does suggest something or even feeling a certain kind of energy of just wanting to go into an opposite direction. Now, be aware of your body, be mindful of your body, learn to relax, eat, learn to breathe, and open it because that is increasing your responsiveness towards your partner. So that is one tip that is very practical but takes a lot of awareness to notice within yourself to breathe to open up and notice where are you not being responsive. He said something, he just brushed it off out of habit. Notice that that’s not being responsive. That’s just making up your mind or being in resistance. Okay. Now, as we’ve said many times, and I’ll say it again, it is not about just, you know, doing everything your husband says to do, you’re not, that’s not what this is about. 

However, it is much more about dancing, a dance where he takes a lead, right. And so keep that in mind that if you want to experience this dance, and you want to experience that dance, and flow together as a team has a direction and a purpose and an admission and flow to your movements, then someone needs to take the lead. And if you want him to lead you need to allow him to have that lead and have that responsiveness, that does not mean that you’re less of someone that you’re a doormat or anything like that. That’s not at all what we’re talking about it’s actually takes a tremendous amount of courage and willingness to open up and surrender. It is a tremendous gift that you’re giving to your husband to ask for his leadership. And it’s not something that is to be taken lightly at all. It actually can be quite scary for them. 

And now just like you can be responsive with your body towards his directions, there’s more to his responsiveness which is expressing your emotions, right actually being a vessel for your emotions and letting them flow through you. Meaning when he does something well and you feel that show that like show, hide lights, your power, it pleases you how it inspires joy within you. Let that body of yours express the joy let it radiate out from you.

And when he becomes unconscious, and drops who is not in the leadership position in that moment, show that to show what it does to you show him the hurt. Show him what’s moving through your body. First of all, when you do that, emotions are not going to stick around, you know, the upset is not going to stick around and linger for days because you’re actually allowing it to move through you. Second of all, he’s getting instantaneous feedback. He can notice how you’re breathing he can notice how you’re acting you can notice what’s going on with you and he knows all right, I have actually dropped you I have not been there for you in this moment. And at the same time, you can see Wow, I can see how my woman is flourishing. And I mean there’s Little, that gives you that much joy as a man than seeing your woman blossom and flourish and just simply become a greater version of herself and become more famous, feminine, become more radiant. I mean, that is really something that makes your man’s heart sing. 

There’s not really anything else that can compete with that. So responsiveness, feeling it, expressing it, and being the channel for your emotions, positive or negative, is of tremendous importance because it lets your men know how to lead because you’re giving the feedback to him. Now, taking on the leadership role takes energy. Which means it makes it easier for your husband when you allow him to harvest time for your himself where he doesn’t have to be the leader, he doesn’t have to show up and do his thing and be 100% there for you. Or he can just switch off and turn off and be there for you later. Because of the energy that’s required, the awareness that’s required consciousness that’s required to lead is tremendous. And it needs, he needs to regenerate, okay, and so be mindful of that, that doesn’t mean that you can’t ask for his time and attention. 

I absolutely think that it’s something to be if you feel that desire, you want to express that desire. And at the same time, you also want to be mindful and know that there are just times where your man is not going to be at his best, where he may just need your care, maybe you need to step into the masculine be like, Look, I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry, take off your clothes, I’m going to put a bath on just relax. And afterward, he’s going to feel rejuvenated and relaxed. And he can step again into his masculine. So be aware of that, so that you can bring out the best in him. and have it be something that he’s looking forward to rather than becoming a burden where he feels like man, I just can’t keep up, I’m at work, I come home, and then I have to lead at home and it’s just getting too much for me. So you do want to make sure that he gets time with his friends or let it get some time to himself some vacation to himself or whatever, where he can just be himself switch off, and then he can be there for you again because otherwise, he will start to do a shitty job at home. Because it’s just he can’t handle it basically.

Now the last point, and it can’t come full circle to the first one is to acknowledge that you need him. And he needs you. But we’re talking to you right now. So you need him. Now this can be scary to admit that you need him to be and especially in a society where we are preaching to be self-reliant all the time to be independent, and strong and all of this. Indeed, the whole independence spiel is actually harmful for relationships. You need him now are you going to be okay? Without him? Yes, you are. If you were to die today, you’re still going to be okay, you’re going to be able to live your life just fine. So in that sense, you don’t need him. But in the relationship for you to let go to open up to drop more deeply into your feminine essence you need him. So needing your partner is something that and acknowledging that and communicating that expressing that is something that can be incredibly inspiring for your man. When he realizes, hey, my woman relies on me and she needs me. And you show it to him. 

Not by trying to be looking good and not by script. scripting it, you’re really truly metaphorically on your knees saying I need you. I need your strength and or clarity. I need your guidance. Now it is a weird paradox because at the same time you don’t need him and you’re capable of leading your own life. You are a powerful woman. And there is something in a relationship dynamic that can come forth Within You Without the appropriate partner. And so for that, you need him and he needs you. Right I need Natasha. It’s not something But I found a very pleasant one when I realized that, but actually, I’m less of a man without Natasha. She inspires and brings the best forth in me. And I need her surrender and her openness to step more fully into that strength that she’s wanting herself. So I need her and she needs me. And so because we’re talking about polarity, you know, we are a hole. But in a relationship, we have the opportunity to step more fully into one of those polarities. But if you’re stepping more fully into that polarity, you need someone else to step in your polarity. And so that’s why you need them.

But we’ll be looking at more in the coming episodes, we’re looking at the law of polarity and we’re looking at how polarity plays out in relationships, and how you can work with that and how you can evoke more in your, your feminine essence, and all of that. I mean, all of those things are coming in the future. We’re planning them out right now. Because they are a really important piece to a healthy, deeply fulfilling, satisfying relationship, right. So if you found this episode, interesting, and you want to learn more from us, head over to your exceptional relationship.com. If you’d like to see how we can work with us, you can head over to your exceptional relationship.com forward slash cherished. 

There you can read up on the cherish wife program that we have, where we are really going deep with you and making sure no stone is Unturned, making sure that you are going to set up your relationship on a healthy foundation where we are helping you to and guard your heart to be able to show up vulnerably and open and authentically in the relationship so that you do inspire your men to step more fully into his masculine, where we show you how you can use conflict to deepen your relationship rather than it becoming a source of hurt and pain that drives you both apart. 

And that is really something when you can learn to use conflict as growth and as a deepening process of the relationship. There is almost nothing I can tear you apart, doesn’t mean that your relationship lasts forever. But it for sure becomes a source of great growth and a richness that you can’t otherwise get if you’re simply looking for the next short-lived pleasure. So I’m getting off-topic with that. But as you can see here, I’m passionate about it. So if you want to get to the show notes then head over to your exceptional relationships calm for slash 33 that’s the number three three and I’m looking forward to greeting you again on the next episode where I and Natasha are diving into the topic called the law of polarity in relationships. I am Jachym Jerie and it’s been a pleasure to be your host. I wish you a wonderful day. Bye-bye