Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

“We’ll return after these messages…”

The Emmy nominations were announced last week, and among the categories is one for best commercial. Among them: a strong nominee by Dove raising awareness for the Kids Online Safety Act. A heartwarming one for The Farmer’s Dog. And I love this one for Apple that reminds us just how much technology has done for the human right of accessibility. Beautifully done all around: 

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Sadly, all of Mike Lindell’s MyPillow ads were snubbed. (Promo code: Wah waaaahhh.)

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 19, 2023

Note: Today is Daiquiri Day. Daiquiris are the brainchild of Jennings Stockton Cox, who invented the drink in the Cuban mining town of—are you sitting down?—Daiquiri. Today in the C&J cantina we’ve got beer. Sorry, no daiquiris. We drank ‘em all last night. Bad planning. Oops.  —Mgt.

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til Bagpipe Appreciation Day: 8

Days ’til Corn Capital Days in Olivia, Minnesota: 5

Drop in real wages in Germany, Italy, and Spain since 2019: -3%, -3.5%, -3.5%

Increase in real wages in the U.S. since 2019: +6%

Rank of Miami-Dade, Baltimore, and the Bronx among areas of the country where the rate of Alzheimer’s Disease is highest, according to new data from the Alzheimer’s Association: #1, #2, #3

Number of lawsuits against the Roman Catholic Diocese of Ogdensburg, New York, which is filing for bankruptcy protection because of the scandal: 124

Number of albums Taylor Swift now has on the Billboard Top Ten chart, a record for a female performer: 4

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Mid-week Rapture Index: 183 (including 4 date settings and 1 loving message from North Loop, Texas).  Soul Protection Factor 30 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Like finding a needle in a haystack…

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CHEERS to order in the courts. That’s where the action is these days, baby. Judges! Lawyers! Litigants! Juries! Stenographers! Sketch artists! That one old lady who shows up every day to sit quietly in the back row knitting secret codes into her 20-foot-long scarf! Oh, it’s three ring circus time, I tell you. And this morning I’m here to throw the spotlight on a quartet of class acts:

The Georgia Supreme Court unanimously shot down Trump’s attempt to cancel Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis’s investigation into his attempt to rig the 2020 Georgia election results via his infamous “find [me] 11,780 votes” phone call. When grand jury indictments come down, expect the recipients to include a who’s who of high-profile MAGA nitwits. (Hi, Lindsey!)

Special Counsel Jack Smith sent Trump a target letter saying he (Trump) may “report to the Grand Jury” by tomorrow for, we presume, questioning related to his incitement of insurrection on January 6, 2021. But whether or not he shows up, indictments appear imminent. Chill your champagne as you see fit…but no cork popping until the shit officially hits the ugly orange face.

Michigan’s Attorney General filed charges against 16 “fake electors” who tried to overturn the state’s 2020 presidential election results. They face over a decade in prison if convicted.

A county judge in Iowa put a freeze on the state’s 6-week abortion ban so a legal challenge can play out. If it’s one thing we know about legal challenges, they take a while. Usually a good long while.

And as a bonus, we got word yesterday that one of the tiki torch-wielding Nazis who marched in Charlottesville in 2017 just got busted for taking part in the Jan. 6 insurrection. We hear he was presented with very fine indictments.

CHEERS to Bidenomics. Recession fears have evaporated. Employment is chugging along. Consumer sentiment is high. Builder sentiment is high. The cost of gas, eggs, cars, and baby formula are down. And now we just got another scoop of economic Dark Brandon Swirl on our sugar cone:

After two years of crushing inflation that wiped out most workers’ wage gains, Americans are seeing a reprieve.

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Right now, real wages for the average American worker is higher than it was before the pandemic, with lower wage workers seeing the largest gains.

That’s Bidenomics.

— President Biden (@POTUS) July 16, 2023

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Pay is finally rising faster than consumer prices, according to data from the Bureauof Labor Statistics. Average hourly pay has grown at an annual rate of 4.4% forthe last three months, topping the Consumer Price Index, which rose at rate of3% in June and 4% in May.

“Hooray, more purchasing power for essentials that Americans need,” said Democratic leaders. “Hooray, more money we can extract from the gullible and give to the rich,” said Republican leaders.

CHEERS to purty rhymin’ wurds.  During this week back in 1893, Katherine Lee Bates—a college-educated, latte-slurping Cape Cod liberal elitist—wrote the poem America the Beautiful after visiting an inspiring spot:

One day some of the other teachers and I decided to go on a trip to 14,000-foot Pikes Peak. We hired a prairie wagon. Near the top we had to leave the wagon and go the rest of the way on mules. I was very tired.

But when I saw the view, I felt great joy. All the wonder of America seemed displayed there, with the sea-like expanse.

It was later set to the hymn “Materna” by Samuel Ward.  But only because Snoop Dogg wanted ten million bucks for the rights to “We Just Wanna Party with You.”

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to one of South Dakota‘s biggest moral compasses.  Disproving the theory that only the good die young, World War II hero (35 combat missions as a B-24 pilot), former Senator and Democratic presidential contender George McGovern—whose gravestone lists his first accomplishment as humanitarian—made it to 90, and would’ve been 101 today.

If he’d been elected in ’72, the Vietnam War would’ve ended sooner, progressive values would’ve sunk their roots deeper into the American consciousness, and the integrity of the office of the President would’ve held fast.  Instead we re-elected a corrupt, paranoid, scheming, power-obsessed Republican loon who ended up trashing the office of the presidency. Thank god we learned our lesson from that experience, huh.

CHEERS to finally doing something useful. Taking a pause from their sham investigations starring missing witnesses, misplaced “damning” audio/video tapes, and Democratic congress members whose rebuttals reduce their accusations to rubble (I call dibs on the term “rubblebuttals”), next week House Republicans will look into something a little more likely to exist:

The Republican-led House Oversight Committee will hold a hearing on UFOs, officially called unidentified aerial phenomena (UAPs), next week.

Rep. Tim Burchett, R-Tenn., announced on Twitter that the session is scheduled for July 26.

The hearing comes after Republican lawmakers have promised to look deeper into UAPs following unconfirmed claims from a former intelligence official that the U.S. military had allegedly found crashed alien spacecraft. The Pentagon has said it hasn’t discovered any information to substantiate this claim.

I’m not hopeful they’ll reveal any proof, but you never know. So I’ll keep CSPAN on in the background and if I hear them swear in a witness with “please raise your right tentacle and repeat after me…” I’ll be telling my receptionist to hold my calls.

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Ten years ago in C&J: July 19, 2013

JEERS to…[Experiencing Technical Difficulties…Please Stand By…]  NASA had to abort a space walk at the International Space Station. In response, every Republican-controlled state legislature immediately called a special session and passed laws banning all future abortions in space.  (North Carolina, of course, buried theirs inside the “2013 Freedom For Sparkle Ponies Act” so as not to arouse suspicion.)

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And just one more…

CHEERS to home sweet home. U.S. News & World Report released its latest list of the Top 10 best places to live in the United States. It’s populated by cities like Boulder CO, Green Bay WI, Raleigh/Durham NC…and this humble Maine hamlet of only 66,000 on the northeast Atlantic coast checking in at #7 (up a spot from last year):

For the people of Maine, there is only one Portland.

Maine’s largest metro area and economic hub features cobblestone streets and ships sheltered within the island-specked waters of Casco Bay. Artful living and farm-to-table dining are not just trends in Portland – they have been a way of life for years.

A “do it yourself” spirit resonates throughout the region, so don’t be surprised if a neighbor offers you extra produce from a community garden, home-brewed beer or knitting tips. All around Portland, you’ll find dozens of local entrepreneurs offering homegrown or homemade products, from mittens to coffee.

Portland’s fresh seafood has been elevated at modern oyster bars and foraged foods are frequent menu options, though the traditional lobster roll is still a staple snack.

The metro area also has a thriving music and nightlife scene with crowds buzzing along Congress Street and Old Port almost any night of the week.

Sounds right to me. Then again, I’ve only lived here for 30 blissful years. More study is needed. (Over lobster with corn on the cob and slaw.)

Have a happy humpday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“I’m sure he’ll be very shocked that I’m saying this, which is that we agree with Bill in Portland Maine.”

—Karine Jean-Pierre

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