In the late 1960s, a Stanford psychologist named Walter Mischel put preschoolers in a room with a marshmallow. The rules were simple: eat it now, or wait fifteen minutes and get two.
Some kids ate immediately. Others waited.
Mischel tracked them for decades. Turned out that the ones who waited had better SAT scores, lower body mass indexes and better stress management.
The experiment (which was later replicated, with even more interesting findings) became a staple of self-help literature. Discipline defines destiny. The ability to resist now in favor of later separates winners from losers.
And then came AI.
“ChatGPT, find me flights to Lisbon under 200 euros.”
“Claude, code a script that processes these CSV files.”
“Gemini, summarize these three hours of meetings into action items.”
These aren’t hypotheticals, this is a regular Tuesday morning for millions of people.
Tasks that required effort—sometimes hours of it—now take seconds. The search, the comparison, the learning curve, the context switching, the debugging? All absorbed by something that never gets tired.
I catch myself doing it more and more. Something that would have taken me an afternoon to research now takes a prompt and thirty seconds.
The marshmallow doesn’t exist anymore. There’s no waiting anymore. You get both marshmallows now.
And this is where I think it gets really interesting.
For the first time in human history, we have a technology that changes the relationship between effort and outcome. Not like tractors replaced manual farming. Not like calculators replaced mental math. Those were just tools, amplifiers.
This is different. This is the compression of cognitive labor itself.
Think about what we actually learned during those hours of searching for flights. We built a mental map of airline routes. We developed intuition for price fluctuations. The friction forced us to evaluate whether the trip was worth it at all.
Now that friction is gone. The thinking happens elsewhere.
What happens to a generation that grows up without that friction?
I don’t think anything apocalyptic will happen. But I do think something very relevant – generational level relevant – is just around the corner.
Here’s what I’m watching for:
1. Society will split on patience
Some people will become remarkably impatient with anything that can’t be delegated to AI. If a task takes more than a few minutes and AI could do it, they’ll feel it as wasted time.
Others will go the opposite direction. They’ll deliberately choose slowness. They’ll see patience as something worth protecting.
Right now, patience is still considered a universal virtue. In ten years, it might be a lifestyle choice. Something you opt into, like meditation or digital detox.
2. Doing things the hard way will become a status symbol
When mass production made goods cheap, handmade became expensive. Artisanal products carry a premium precisely because they’re inefficient.
The same thing will happen with cognitive work.
Hand-coded websites. Manually researched travel itineraries. Essays written without AI assistance. What I call bio-content, provably human generated content.
The process itself will become the product.
We already see early signs. And I think this will only grow.
3. Knowing what to ask becomes the new skill
The marshmallow experiment didn’t test what you did with the extra marshmallow. It only tested whether you could wait.
Maybe that’s the new test. Not whether you can do the work, but whether you know what work to request. Whether you can orchestrate AI tools effectively. Whether you can evaluate the output.
Prompting well, directing AI, knowing when to trust it and when to verify—these are becoming real competencies. In some fields, they already matter more than the underlying technical skills.
4. The capacity for difficulty might weaken
This is the one that concerns me most.
There’s a specific capacity that develops when you stay with something difficult. Not because you have to, but because that’s how capability builds. The willingness to be confused. The patience to debug for hours. The tolerance for not knowing.
If every hard thing can be outsourced, what happens to that capacity?
I’m not sure we know yet. But attention without regular exercise tends to weaken. Muscles you don’t use atrophy. I suspect the same is true for the ability to persist through difficulty.
Most of my skills were built through repetitive, often frustrating effort. Hours of debugging. Days of research. Months of building physical resilience that only 0.00001% of the people on this planet can reach.
My children will never experience the world the same way. Their cognitive friction will be much lower – if any at all.
Is that a problem?
I genuinely don’t know.
Maybe the friction I remember fondly was just waste. Maybe the real skill was always something else—creativity, connection, judgment—and the grunt work was just the price we paid because we had no alternative.
Or maybe delayed gratification wasn’t just a predictor of success. Maybe it was the training itself.
We’re running the marshmallow experiment in real time: an entire generation raised with AI as cognitive infrastructure.
We’ll know the results in about twenty years, maybe sooner.
Until then, I’ll keep asking Claude to help me code things faster. And I’ll keep doing some things the hard way, just to make sure I still know what it feels like.
In August 1905, while Mina Hubbard was mapping Labrador in her pioneering expedition, the Brooklyn Eagle reported one of the most “remarkable exploits in Arctic work” — a relief expedition to rescue the American explorer Anthony Fiala and his crew, who had been stranded in the icy expanse for nearly two years, attempting to reach the North Pole.
Bankrolled by the American industrialist William Ziegler, who had made his fortune on baking powder and vowed to spend it on funding as many efforts as it takes to reach the North Pole, Fiala’s three-masted ship was crushed by polar ice just four months after sailing from Norway. Although the America could no longer sail, the ice was so think that the ship didn’t sink but froze in place.
The America in its icy clench.
The men scrambled to salvage the cargo, but when another storm finally swallowed the wreck in January, most of their provisions and coal vanished with it.
They fled onto the ice cap, built a camp, and undertook the daily task of survival, but not before erecting an observatory and setting up all of their scientific instruments.
The days bled into weeks, into months, into seasons as they kept hoping for rescue. The few remaining provisions ran out. They subsisted on walrus and bear. All the while, they kept making observations. It kept their spirits from sinking, this stubborn, steadfast work of painting a portrait of that alien world in numbers and figures in order to reveal the full face of this one.
In what seems like a miracle in the history of polar exploration, only one of the thirty-five men would die in the twenty months they spent as captives of the ice.
The Ziegler expedition at latitude 82°N, March 1905
Although their time in the Arctic was relegated to the sidelines of history as a failed expedition by the measure of its patron’s stated goal of reaching the North Pole, I see it as a triumph of both science and the human spirit. While conquest is a finite game, played for the pleasure of the win, curiosity is an infinite game, played for the pleasure of finding things out, in Richard Feynman’s lovely phrase. Exploration in the service of learning is always far greater and more enduring than exploration in the service of at staking a flag in the name of a potentate, for the task of knowledge is unfinishable and endlessly rewarding. (“The world of learning is so broad, and the human soul is so limited in power!” wrote the pioneering astronomer Maria Mitchell the year Anthony Fiala was born. “We reach forth and strain every nerve, but we seize only a bit of the curtain that hides the infinite from us.”)
Two years after their rescue, the expedition’s chief scientist — William J. Peters, whose groundbreaking studies of geomagnetism shaped the present understanding of Earth’s magnetosphere — published a 630-page report of their scientific findings. Fiala himself wrote the introduction, urging the reader to imagine the conditions, unimaginable to most of us, under which the work was done — a beckoning that feels like a miniature manifesto for the animating spirit of science:
The difficulties encountered in the execution of work in the Polar Regions must be experienced in order to be properly appreciated. Storms are frequent in the winter, and observers, in going to and from observatories and instrument shelters, have often to crawl upon hands and knees in the face of high winds, whirling snow particles, low temperatures, and in the darkness of winter. The hearty and unselfish cooperation of all concerned is amply indicated by the execution of the great amount of detail work that is reported upon in this volume.
Among the endless tables of astronomical, meteorological, and tidal data is a series of meticulous observations of the aurora borealis spanning several months — a landmark contribution to the poetic science of our planet’s most magical phenomenon. Three of the nights — December 23, 1903, January 2, 1904, and January 23, 1904 — appear as a series of breathtaking plates that capture both the drama and its subtlety of the Northern Lights.
Aurora borealis, December 23, 1903Aurora borealis, January 2, 1904Available as a print.Aurora borealis, January 23, 1903Aurora borealis sequence, January 23, 1903. Available as a print and a clock.
If your mornings still look like they did a few years ago, you’re already falling behind—and I learned that the hard way. In this episode, I break down the Ultimate Morning Routine for 2026 and explain why most entrepreneurs sabotage their day before 9 a.m. without realizing it. I share what to stop doing first thing in the morning, how winning the night before changes everything, and why planning—not willpower—is the real secret to productivity.
You’ll learn how to protect your “magic time,” eliminate reactivity, and get more meaningful work done in two hours than most people do all day. If you want to work less, earn more, and finally feel ahead instead of anxious when you wake up, this episode will completely change how you start your day.
Let me know what you think of today’s episode! Did you learn something new? Am I missing something? Is there something that has or hasn’t worked for you in your path to success? Send me an IG DM or email and let me know how I can help you level up in life.
“Freedom is within.” Or so the wellness brands, studios, and apps always remind you.
But chances are, it’s a line you’ve heard so often it barely registers anymore. Because here you are, still on edge, no matter what stress-busting product or service you try.
Well, here’s where many people would give up. But keep tuning in to your body, and you’ll unravel a signal already at work, traced through what ancient Chinese medicine practitioners call the triple warmer meridian.
It’s the subtle energy pattern that tells you that nothing is random; that your body’s an intelligent system. And that recurring tension you’re experiencing is, in fact, your body’s way of telling you to pause, be present, and recalibrate well before total breakdown.
What is the triple warmer meridian?
This meridian, also known as san jiao in traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), is a functional energy healing system that describes how your body organizes stress. It tracks how energy moves, how your temperature adjusts, and how fluids circulate, especially when you’re under pressure.
Say you have a headache. The thing is that it rarely starts at the head (though that’s where the pain peaks). In actuality, it builds through the day as tension in the jaw and shoulders, and shallow breathing. By the time pain reaches the temples, the body has already been under pressure for hours.
That’s the triple warmer meridian at work.
Think of it as the “lighthouse” that alerts you to perceived threats, both mental and energetic, before physical symptoms would show up. “Its job is to save your life,” says Donna Eden, a self-healing advocate and trainer of Mindvalley’s Energy Medicine program.
For over four decades, Donna has mapped how stress patterns travel through the body. Her work draws heavily on the principles of TCM, kinesiology, and clinical observation across thousands of case studies. She co-founded Eden Energy Medicine, a method now taught in over 20 countries, after noticing consistent energetic imbalances in people with fatigue, reactivity, and chronic tension.
What she says aligns with what Lee Holden, a qigong, meditation, and tai chi expert, says about stress from an energy perspective. Under stress, he notes, “we don’t bring our best energy into our work.”
That’s precisely what happens when the triple warmer meridian is overstimulated: you feel wound up and hypervigilant. It’s why Donna calls it the body’s built-in survival coordinator; always drawing resources in to protect, even when it can already let go.
So, cueing it into safety mode is one of the best ways to go full circle on self-healing. “The body,” she says, “knows how to heal. Energy is what helps it remember.”
Triple warmer meridian points
“Where is the triple warmer meridian located?” you ask? Well, it runs along the outer edge of the body, starting at the ring finger, traveling up the outside of the arm, crossing the shoulder and neck, circling the ear, and ending near the temples.
Every part connected in this meridian is a sequence of places where stress would first appear and build up in the body, as seen below:
The triple warmer meridian chart
Each point marks a place where stress tends to pause, tighten, and stack when the body stays in fight-or-flight mode. But once you see the pattern, it’s easier to notice when stress is knocking on your door.
How the triple warmer meridian functions
Functionally, the triple warmer meridian shifts the body into readiness by pulling energy toward what feels urgent. It’s why, when you’re feeling stressed, says Donna in her Mindvalley program, “the triple warmer keeps sucking the energy away.”
Here’s a breakdown of what that looks like:
Your qi circulation. Energy moves upward and outward, away from rest and repair. The body stays engaged, even when you’re sitting still.
Fluid movement becomes less efficient. Warmth and pressure build internally in response to qi disruption. It’s how you tend to experience bloating, heaviness, or restlessness at night.
You’re always stressed. And it’s because your nervous system remains on watch, scanning for more “threats.”
Over time, you may find yourself constantly adapting but rarely resetting.
In a 2007 paper in Physiological Reviews, neuroscientist Bruce McEwen described this buildup as “allostatic load.” It’s the slow strain that stress puts on your body long before symptoms like fatigue, pain, or illness show up.
When Bruce’s research is viewed alongside traditional Chinese medicine, a shared idea shows up. In The Web That Has No Weaver, Ted Kaptchuk, a Harvard Medical School–affiliated scholar of Chinese medicine, explains that TCM focuses on patterns in how the body regulates and responds, rather than looking at symptoms one by one.
So, where does the triple warmer meridian come into place? Well, it sits neatly at the heart of it all, offering a way to notice—and quickly mitigate—your stress levels.
5 signs of imbalance in the triple warmer meridian
When the triple warmer meridian stays active, your body keeps finding ways to cope, adapt, and compensate. It keeps doing that until the stress becomes obvious.
Here’s what that can look like:
“Yo-yo” energy levels. You may get through the day, yet your body never fully rests. By night, it feels tired but still alert and can’t quite switch off. “Fatigue,” Donna points out, “is often a sign that your energy has been pulled away from where you need it most.”
Recurring tension in the same area. A clenched jaw, stiff, rigid shoulders, slow-aching neck and temples—these are classic symptoms of accumulated stress that, according to Donna, occur along the triple warmer pathway itself.
Loss of spark in life. Donna says people often describe this as having “lost their passion… and their aliveness,” even though nothing obvious is wrong.
These signs, she shares, often show up in people who’d deny their stress. “I look at how they’re holding themselves, how they breathe, how quickly they react,” she says, “and I know they’re very stressed out.”
Together, these signs point to the same truth: the body knows how to cry for relief.
3 triple warmer meridian exercises to boost vitality
Donna knows the symptoms of imbalance by heart because she’s lived with them herself. Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and chronic fatigue, she moved through cycles of exhaustion, neurological strain for years. But then, she discovered energy healing.
Through years of consistent practice, she rebuilt her vitality, layer by layer. And that experience laid the groundwork for the practices she now teaches through Eden Energy Medicine, which she co-founded with her partner, David Feinstein (himself a clinical psychologist and researcher). Their goal? To help others regulate their stress without equipment or long routines.
Now, here are a few go-to ones that you try whenever you’re on the overdrive:
1. The triple warmer smoothie
Nope, this isn’t the kind of smoothie you drink. It’s an energetic one that Donna created to help you reframe all the triple warmer meridian emotions that can come up when you work on your stress.
The idea is simple: guide energy along the meridian’s pathway so the body can release what it no longer needs and settle its stress response.
To try it:
Rub your hands together until they feel warm and awake. Give them a light shake.
Place your fingers gently over your closed eyes. Inhale.
As you exhale, slide your fingertips out to your temples.
Inhale again as you trace up and over your ears, then down the sides of your neck. Let your hands rest on your shoulders as you exhale.
Take one more deep breath. As you exhale, drag your hands down the front of your chest with gentle pressure and rest them over your heart.
You can repeatedly “sip” on this smoothie whenever you need more calmness amidst the daily chaos. Follow Donna’s steps below to get it right:
Instant Stress Relief with Triple Warmer Smoothie With Donna Eden
2. The Blow Out technique
Clenching your jaw through a conversation that shouldn’t matter that much? Congrats on the self-restraint.
But here’s the double-edged sword to it: repressing your anger can quietly add to your stress load, which keeps your triple warmer meridian active.
Thankfully, Donna and David’s Blow Out technique works wonders for this. It cues the meridian that you’re no longer seeing crimson, allowing your body to exit the fight-or-flight mode.
To try it:
Make loose fists and hold your arms in front of you, elbows bent.
Inhale as you sweep your arms wide and up overhead.
As your fists meet above your head, exhale forcefully through your mouth.
At the same time, drive your fists straight down in parallel lines, as if you’re throwing something heavy to the ground.
Repeat once more with the same force.
On the third round, lower your arms slowly and deliberately as you exhale.
This sequence helps clear pent-up charge and brings the body back into a steadier state.
3. The Tarzan tap
Now, here’s the thing: prolonged stretches of stress don’t always show up as agitation. Sometimes they leave you feeling zapped out, for which Donna’s Tarzap tap helps. It works with the center of the chest, where the thymus gland sits.
Gently tap the center of your chest, just below the collarbone.
Keep the rhythm steady and comfortable.
Breathe normally as you tap for about 20 to 30 seconds.
Stop once the area feels warm or responsive.
Donna often recommends this practice when energy feels low, motivation is thin, or the body needs support after stress has drained it. It’s a simple way to bring vitality back online without overloading the system.
“When it comes to healing and protecting our vitality, energy is your body’s best medicine.”
The benefits of regulating the triple warmer meridian in your busy life
When the triple warmer meridian stays overwhelmed, the body treats everyday low-grade moments like the emergencies they’re not. So when you regulate it, your stress load drops, and, as Bruce McEwan’s research has found, your body can finally shift into rest and recovery mode.
Here’s what that changes, in real terms:
It’s easier to destress every day. By regulating the meridian well, Donna points out, “You will start dissipating some of the stress chemicals.” This, she adds, frees up your energy for systems responsible for repair, digestion, and immunity. It’s why people often notice they bounce back faster after long days.
You get better at decision-making. Donna often notes that when stress eases, clarity follows. With less energy tied up in protection, the mind doesn’t have to second-guess every move. Choices feel simpler to make, and you trust your intuition more freely.
You breathe deeper without trying so hard. When the brain stops scanning for perceived threats, the body no longer relies on short, shallow breaths to stay alert. A Frontiers in Physiology study shows that calmer, slower breathing patterns promote relaxation by improving oxygenation. This helps you properly relax and recover from the day’s hustle and bustle.
More calm focus, less rumination. The brain naturally shifts into the alpha wave state, which supports relaxed alertness, improved attention span, and reduced mental chatter.Here, you’ll find it much easier to stay in the present moment.
Sleep comes more easily. A balanced triple warmer equals a nervous system that’s out of alertness and into parasympathetic territory. This makes it easier for the body to drop into deep rest at night.
When you stop living in reactivity, you can meet life with steadiness. It’s the ultimate perk of a regulated meridian.
Regulated in real life
The triple warmer meridian is proof that your body knows how to settle, recover, and reorganize itself. Mindvalley members, like the three below, are proof of what happens when people start working with their energy in simple, consistent ways.
One quick note on health and healing:The experiences shared reflect personal journeys with energy-based practices. Energy healing, in general, is intended to support well-being and self-regulation. What it’s not is a stand-in for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional care.
If you’re experiencing persistent symptoms, pain, or health concerns, it’s essential to consult a qualified healthcare provider.
Reclaimed agency and emotional steadiness
Before exploring energy medicine, New York-based Martina Schmidt felt reactive and unstructured. Once she discovered the daily practice, she started developing a different relationship with her emotions.
“I learned that I have some control. I am not helpless or doomed,” she shares. By applying Donna’s energy-healing teachings, her emotional lows eventually lost their intensity. “Feelings of loneliness are not overwhelming if they come up.”
Over time, that inner steadiness has transformed into an undeniable sense of self-control. “I’m now driving my life. I’m not just waiting for it to happen.”
Ease of anxiety and physical tension
For Dean Mitchell, a photographer from the UK, anxiety, headaches, and chronic tension are a daily occurrence. But things took a positive turn once he began practicing energy medicine techniques. The approach, he says, “seriously helped me with all those things.”
As his stress patterns softened, his body soon followed. “I had a lump underneath my chest that had been there for years,” he explains. But since he embraced energy healing, “it’s reduced down to about the size of a coin.”
And the sense of relief that washed over him was priceless. He adds, “I could [even] get over my anxiety and depression.”
Mental and physical agility
Melanie Cardwell’s experience with energy healing reflects a common outcome of triple warmer meridian regulation: clearer thinking. After committing to a simple daily routine based on Donna’s expertise, she noticed changes in her focus and memory. “My concentration and my memory,” she shares, “are a lot clearer and have improved.”
That mental clarity coincided with physical ease. “I don’t have my aches and pains in my hips anymore.” The ease of movement, along with the mental clarity, has made her daily routine smoother and much more enjoyable.
Frequently asked questions
Why is it called the triple warmer?
The name comes from how traditional Chinese medicine views the body in three functional zones, like the floors of a building:
The upper warmer covers the chest and lungs, so breathing, circulation, and how energy moves when you’re talking, thinking, or reacting.
The middle warmer sits around digestion, where food and fluids are processed into usable energy.
The lower warmer handles elimination, fluid balance, and the deeper systems that keep you grounded and steady.
Together, they’re called the “triple warmer.”
The thing is, it’s not a physical organ you can pinpoint. Think of it more as a coordination system that keeps these three areas “talking” to each other under stress.
What emotion is associated with the triple burner meridian?
The triple burner meridian responds to stress and the constant need to stay alert.
Emotionally speaking, this can look like:
Always emotionally on standby or people-pleasing,
Checking your phone and doomscrolling often,
Flinching at the slightest sign of noise, or
Easily angered at the most minor delays.
Even when nothing is wrong, part of you stays ready for something to go sideways. Lee, for one, sees this pattern play out thousands of times in his three decades of clinical and teaching experience. “When your energy is scattered,your mind follows,” he explains in his Mindvalley program, Modern Qigong. In other words, you’re set to catastrophize, which biologically means your body is trying to stay ahead of perceived dangers.
The good news here? Your brain’s doing its best to protect you. But its cost shows up in how much energy gets burned just staying on guard. As Lee adds, “Most people don’t realize how much energy they’re spending just staying alert.”
Thankfully, energy medicine techniques, such as the one Donna teaches, can be your golden ticket out of the loop.
Is the triple burner “yin” or “yang”?
In TCM, the triple warmer meridian, or triple burner as it’s otherwise known, is considered a yang meridian. This means it’s connected to action and movement, like all other yang meridians in your body, like:
Large intestine meridian. Linked to elimination and release. It supports the body’s ability to let go, both physically and energetically.
Small intestine meridian. Involved in sorting and absorption, helping the body decide what to take in and what to discard.
Stomach meridian. It’s connected to digestion, appetite, and how the body processes nourishment into usable energy.
Bladder meridian. As the longest meridian in the body, it’s associated with fluid regulation, tension along the back, and stress storage.
Gallbladder meridian. Tied to decision-making, movement, and adaptability, it often reflects how the body handles pressure and choice.
These “yang” ones are active when the body needs to respond, stay alert, and get things done. They help gear the body up for times when life feels demanding.
When that energy stays active for too long, though? Well, the body doesn’t get the necessary signal to slow down.
But here’s where working with the triple burner works wonders. It helps that active “yang” energy settles once it’s no longer needed. And that’s how you shift from being perpetually on guard to feeling steady from within again.
Live vibrantly, naturally
Stress isn’t a personal flaw, nor is it random, either. It’s a sign that your body is doing its job, sometimes longer than it needs to. When you understand the energetic blueprint of how your body works, you gain a practical way to work with that response instead of against it.
That’s exactly what Donna Eden teaches inside her Energy Medicine masterclass on Mindvalley. It’s designed to help you regulate your energy in real time, using simple techniques that fit into real life.
In the session, you’ll learn how to:
Calm your stress response quickly, even on busy days,
Restore energy when you feel drained or scattered,
Improve sleep by helping your nervous system stand down,
Release emotional tension stored in the body,
Support immunity and overall vitality through daily energy habits, and
Build a consistent self-care practice that doesn’t feel overwhelming.
Each focus point focuses on helping your body recognize safety again, so recovery can actually happen.
Of course, the bigger picture matters, too. When you stop feeling pulled in all directions, you can reclaim clarity, steadiness, and trust in yourself.
Coffee is a beloved ritual for millions (likely billions) of folks across the globe. And the sequence of this ritual may not vary much day over day. Meaning: Those who drink coffee tend to do so at similar times and in similar amounts day over day.
†not detected or below detectable limits. mindbodygreen’s clean coffee+ undergoes comprehensive, third-party lab testing in the USA for hundreds of purity, potency, and sensory tests. Rigorously tested for caffeine, theobromine, polyphenols, heavy metals, yeast, mold, bacteria, mycotoxins, acrylamide, pesticides, solvents, acidity, and more—our premium, whole coffee beans exceed industry-leading quality standards for potency, purity, and taste experience.
Have you ever wondered why we’re so motivated on January 1st but lose steam by February? In this episode, we dive into the “Fresh Start Effect” from Katy Milkman’s book How to Change.
We explore how psychological clean slates—like Mondays, birthdays, or even a new notebook—can reset your identity and boost motivation. However, fresh starts have a hidden downside: they can actually derail high performers. We’ll show you how to strategically time your resets and use environmental changes to unlock new behaviors without losing your hard-earned momentum.
🧠 Why certain moments in your life make change *dramatically* easier—and how to spot them [05:18].
⚠️ When a “fresh start” can actually backfire and slow you down [23:10].
🚀 How to engineer your own fresh start—without waiting for January 1st [27:47].
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With Chiron in Pisces, your journey is letting go of ungrounded fantasies and loving yourself unconditionally. Pisces has a big imagination, which fuels its creative nature; however, often with this placement, imagination can be used as a coping mechanism. Perhaps you find yourself in relationships where you keep hoping your partner will change, but it doesn’t end up happening.
In every well-stocked kitchen, certain tools earn their spot day in and day out. Cut knives and steak knives are two of those essentials — but they serve very different roles. Knowing when to use each (and why they’re built the way they are) can make prepping meals and serving them feel a whole lot smoother.
Let’s break down the differences, the purposes, and why owning both isn’t overkill — it’s just smart cooking.
What Are Cut Knives?
Cut knives are the workhorses of the kitchen. They’re designed for prep — not presentation. Whether you’re slicing onions, dicing tomatoes, trimming fat off a pork chop, or portioning raw chicken, this is the blade that shows up first.
These knives usually include chef knives, santoku knives, and utility knives. Their blades tend to be broader, more curved, and razor-sharp with a fine edge. That’s what allows you to rock or push through food on a cutting board with control and confidence.
They’re also engineered for balance, so they feel solid in the hand during longer prep sessions. Grip matters when you’re 15 minutes into dinner.
What Is a Steak Knife?
A steak knife, on the other hand, belongs at the dinner table. It’s built for the plate, not the prep station. When the roast is cooked, the ribeye’s rested, and the meal hits the table — this is the tool that handles the final, satisfying slice.
Steak knives typically have narrower blades and pointed tips. The cutting edge is often serrated, so it glides through cooked meats without tearing or squashing the fibers. Whether it’s rare tenderloin or crispy pork belly, this blade helps preserve the texture and visual appeal of your final product.
Key Differences: Blade, Edge, and Ergonomics
Blade Design: Cut knives are longer, often wider, and curved for rocking motions. Steak knives are shorter and leaner for controlled slicing at the table.
Edge Type: Cut knives often use a straight edge for clean prep. Steak knives usually feature a serrated edge to grip and saw through cooked meat.
Usage: Cut knives are for prep work—raw meat, produce, herbs. Steak knives are for serving and eating cooked dishes.
Feel in Hand: Cut knives are made for endurance and balance. Steak knives prioritize precision and comfort for shorter use during meals.
When You Need Both
If you cook at home often, you’ll want both. A solid cut knife helps you get ingredients ready the right way. A well-made steak knife helps you enjoy the finished dish without hacking it apart. One is built for behind-the-scenes work, the other for the spotlight on the plate.
Owning both is like having a sharp pencil and a good pen — different tools, different moments, same kitchen rhythm.
5 years ago I started to learn Korean. All by myself while still living in Portugal and having a full time job. The reason: I was really, really curious to see how my 2 books translated in Korean are actually sounding. This intention evolved over the next few years in one of the most interesting (if not the MOST interesting) times of my life.
Let’s take things slowly.
Switching Events
To make a potentially long story short, after learning Hangul for about 1 year, I decided to travel to Korea to get my level 1 Korean certification, called TOPIK. I booked a hotel room, an airplane ticket, and one sunny May morning, I just went there. I put aside about 2 weeks to adjust to the time difference and overall local conditions. A couple of days after my arrival, I went to visit the exam location and checked the lists, to see if my name was there. It was, so all was good.
Feeling encouraged, I stepped a little bit out of my comfort zone and went to try some local Korean meetups. After one or two, I stumbled upon a very interesting one, which was somehow related to an upcoming hackathon. The problem? That hackathon was on the same day as my exam.
Still, I wanted to see what the whole event was about, so I attended the meetup. It turned out that it was part of a longer series of 3 meetups, where people interested in the hackathon can get to know each other, and start team formation. On a sudden impulse, I decided to participate and started to form my team.
The Actual Event
After the next 2 team formation events, I was registered to the hackathon, with a team of 3 (not much, but also not too little) and I was 100% out of the TOPIK exam. My initial rationale was that a TOPIK exam can also be taken in the fall – TOPIK exams are held twice a year – whereas that hackathon seemed to be a one off. Eventually, I ditched the TOPIK exam entirely.
The hackathon – named Glitch, for reasons not very clear to me – was not in Seoul, but in Incheon, about 40 minutes by train, and it was supposed to last an entire weekend. I took the train one rainy morning and met my other 2 team members there. Somehow, during the onboarding hours, a 4th member was added to the team. I was the only coder, the rest of the team was mainly design, social media or business.
The location was in the Hana financial town, a very big area containing event rooms, catering areas and even rooms to spend the night (the hackathon was supposed to last 2 days). Just going around every part of the location would take about 1 hour. And the total number of participants was 400. I was the only foreigner.
The hackathon started around 9 PM. The other members of the team, all Korean, started to mingle around, while I decided to stay at my desk and keep hacking. The project that I was competing with was a small game called Flippando. The night that followed, as well as most of the next day, I had little contact with the members of my team. But the coding was going quite well, so nothing to worry about.
With a few hours before the end, I met my team members again, and we decided on a small presentation strategy. They drafted a keynote, I made a small demo, and, when the time came to present in front of the jury, we were ready. The presentation was held in English, and, as far as I could tell, it went quite ok.
The Grand Finale
After the presentation, there was a 4-hour judging interval. As I was walking around the corridors, trying to rest my eyes a little bit, one of the jury members approached me and told me we won a track prize already, and we were in the grand finale. The top 10 projects winning individual tracks were also competing for the grand finale.
Very excited, I called my team members, and told them we won the Polygon track. In less than 1 minute, everybody gathered and they started to work frantically on the grand finale presentation.
Everybody gathered in the big event room and we waited for our turn. I went on the stage, and gave another presentation, still in English. It also went quite ok. In about 10 minutes, the judges deliberated and the big winner was announced. It wasn’t us, but we still kept the big Polygon number one prize.
After pictures and a little bit of back and forth, everybody got on the train and we got back in Seoul.
The Takeaways
Going over what I wrote above, it looks almost like news in a newspaper. It doesn’t capture the emotion and the happiness we experienced when we learned that we won. But maybe it’s better like this. It’s also quite aligned with the Asian, more composed way to behave. And it has just enough details, not too much, not too little.
Now, to honor the title, how do you actually win a hackathon in South Korea?
Well, in no particular order:
make sure you attend one, first. It may sound dumb, but remember I had to take a big decision, to ditch the TOPIK exam for this. In the end, the game became relatively popular, and it also generated a little bit of revenue, significantly more than the hackathon prize
make sure you give your best. I could have just linger around, like many of the other contestants, who treated the event more like a networking opportunity, rather than a contest. But I didn’t. I stayed there and coded for around 30 hours.
practice your presentation skills. Coding is important, but what got the attention of the jury was the clean, but compelling presentation I crafted with my team members
be lucky. I know, I know, but that’s the truth. At the end of the day, you really need a bit of luck. There’s no bulletproof strategy for winning a hackathon. I learned that the hard way, after participating in a few others – without winning anything, of course.
Most people see motivation like a fairy godmother: she magically appears, taps your forehead with a wand, and suddenly you’re the kind of person who does the thing.
You “get in the zone.” You “crush it.” You become a creature of pure productivity and clean countertops.
Unfortunately, she doesn’t always show up when you need her. So you find yourself still staring at The Task like it’s a live grenade. You could just sit down and do your taxes but you find your thoughts wandering to “Is federal prison really that bad?”
The crux of the problem is that motivation is a feeling. And feelings are famously unstable, like soufflés and democracies. Feelings are the least consistent employees in the history of the human brain.
So how do we generate that feeling when we need it? Well, that’s what we’re going to dive into today. We’re going to review the research on what generates that feeling of motivation and summons the gods of Adult Competence.
Let’s get to it…
Set Goals
Setting clear and challenging goals is one of the most robustly validated ways to increase motivation and improve performance.
You’re supposed to set “Smart” goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound).
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Look, if we’re honest (and honesty is usually a bad idea, but let’s try it) you’re not gonna do that. Sounds great in a presentation but few people ever really sit down and do it so let’s focus on what actually matters:
Don’t be vague.
That’s what you need to remember.
People say, “just do your best.” That’s not a plan. That’s what you say to a child before they wobble into a school play dressed as a tree. Your brain adores it because it can interpret “best” as “what I felt like doing.” And what you felt like doing, shockingly, is rarely the most useful thing. But we use vague targets like this all the time:
“Be better at work.”
“Get in shape.”
“Improve performance.”
All of these are goals in the same way “travel somewhere” is a vacation plan. You haven’t set a goal; you’ve made a wish and then wandered off expecting the universe to do admin. And then we act surprised when nothing happens.
Vague goals don’t motivate. Why? Because they’re polite and infinitely hospitable to self-deception.
A specific goal is rude. It’s a number, a deadline, and it has the gall to require you to notice whether you did it. It doesn’t care that you meant well. It cares that you ran two miles, wrote the document, made the appointment, or didn’t.
A clear goal gives the world (and more importantly, gives you) a way to find out if you’re full of it. That’s why it works.
Vague goals protect your feelings. Clear, challenging goals protect your future.
(For the ultimate guide to setting goals, click here.)
So we’ve got goals. They’re motivation at the micro level. How do we handle the macro?
Find Meaning
Many jobs feel like they could be called “Adults Pretending This Isn’t Pointless.” In these jobs, you’re not driven; you’re dragged.
But work doesn’t have to be like that. Many activities have genuine meaning behind them: helping a friend move, making someone laugh when they’re having a terrible day, caring for a family member. These are not necessarily pleasurable acts. Sometimes they’re exhausting, inconvenient, even gross. But they rarely feel pointless.
They contain within them a story: there was a need; I responded; something changed. That story is what the mind craves.
You can tolerate pain if you can explain it. You can’t tolerate pain if it’s just noise. That’s why your brain is weirdly capable of heroic stamina in some contexts and toddler-level resistance in others. You’ll drive across town at midnight to help a friend, you’ll stay up all night for a sick child, you’ll spend hours fixing a crisis you didn’t create: because the “why” is obvious.
That’s intrinsic motivation. The thing that makes you do the work because the work itself is rewarding. Not because you’re getting a prize. Not because you’re afraid you’ll get fired and have to move back in with your parents and explain to them what “brand strategy” is. When the work matters, you don’t need to bribe yourself. You just… do it. You might complain. You might be tired. But you do it because it’s connected to something real. It turns “this sucks” into “this sucks, but it’s worth it.”
So here’s the challenge: find the meaning in what you do. Who are you helping? Visualize them. What need are you fulfilling? Who would be worse off without your work? Make a genuine effort to visualize these people, these results. It can make all the difference in the world.
(For more on how to find meaning in life, click here.)
So we have goals and meaning. They’re powerful, but what produces the momentum that gets you past the finish line? Heck, what does the research show is the most powerful motivator of all?
Track Progress
The modern workplace is a factory for “phantom progress.” Phantom progress is the psychological equivalent of chewing gum when you’re hungry: motion, flavor, no nutrition.
You work hard all day but feel like you did nothing because you never moved forward on anything that mattered. Your effort was consumed by maintenance. Maintenance is necessary, but you can’t live on maintenance alone. It’s like brushing your teeth for eight hours and calling it a life.
Humans really enjoy not feeling like their day has been poured directly into the sink. We like feeling that we made a difference toward something important.
Teresa Amabile’s research labels it “The Progress Principle,” which sounds like a Victorian moral pamphlet (“The Progress Principle: An Exhortation on the Virtues of Making Headway In Which is Shewn the Good Effects of Daily Endeavour”) but the point is brutally simple: of everything that happens in a workday, the thing most likely to motivate you isn’t a free doughnut, or a “shout-out” on Teams. It’s moving forward on meaningful work. Even small itsy bitsy teeny weeny wins can spike your mood and motivation.
Break tasks into small parts to create more opportunities for wins. Track them. Celebrate them. Feel that you’re making progress. Because once you do, your brain starts to believe in cause and effect again and more motivation follows.
To get motivated don’t we need to “think positive”? Sure. But we need to do it the right way…
“WOOP”
Neuroscience research shows positive thinking, on its own, is a terrible idea. It actually reduces motivation.
You sit around imagining the triumphant montage of your future. Feels great. But your brain now feels like the movie has already happened. So it doesn’t allocate the energy to do the boring, sweaty parts that make the montage real.
You paid yourself in advance for work you haven’t done. This is a psychological Enron.
The effective approach is “mental contrasting”: imagine your goal, examine the obstacles in the way, and then form a plan. The steps are summed up with the fun little acronym WOOP:
Wish: For what you want. We’re all good at this.
Outcome: Imagine what it’ll feel like when you get your wish. Again, easy.
Obstacle: What’s realistically going to get in the way? A little cynicism helps here.
Plan: What you’ll do when the obstacle shows up.
Most positive thinking is essentially: “Look at my dreams! Aren’t they lovely? Now give me stuff.” WOOP is more like: “Here’s my goal. Here’s the part of me that’s going to sabotage it. Here’s how I’m going to deal with that sabotage when it arrives.”
And it works. Because obstacles aren’t hypothetical. They’re inevitable.
(For more on how to WOOP your way to motivation, click here.)
All of these tips have been pretty nice so far.
But sometimes you know you need tough love…
Make Yourself Accountable
Ask yourself why you’ll show up to a meeting on time but you can’t find the motivation to do the thing you claim matters most.
Ask yourself why the only time you really clean your home is when someone is coming over.
You can disappoint yourself indefinitely. Social expectation, on the other hand, is stubborn. Social expectation follows you around. Social expectation taps its foot.
You want motivation? Tell people about your plans and challenge them to hold you accountable. Now there’s potentially a moment where you have to say, out loud, “No, I didn’t.”
That sentence weighs forty pounds. Once you tell another person you’re not battling the task, you’re battling the possibility of being The Person Who Always Says Stuff And Never Does It.
You know exactly who that person is. That’s why you don’t want to be them.
And that’s the miracle of accountability: it turns your goal from a suggestion into an appointment.
Now some people claim they “don’t care what anyone thinks.” Those people are either: lying, or living alone in a cave and communicating exclusively by throwing rocks at hikers, or emotionally dead inside, which (honestly) must be quite restful. But most of us do care. We really want to be seen as responsible and competent.
Yeah, I’d prefer to be motivated by pure internal virtue, like a monk, or at least like someone who flosses regularly. But it turns out the most effective way to keep a promise to yourself is to let someone else hold you to it. Not like a cop, not like a judge, but like a friend who’s willing to remember what you said when you were still hopeful.
(To learn how to make New Year’s Resolutions that stick, click here.)
What’s a motivation tip that’s simple and less think-y? Can’t you just move a couple of things around by yourself and see big results?
Actually, yes…
Manipulate Your Environment
Your surroundings are not neutral. Your environment is always influencing what you do next. And, sadly, the easiest option usually becomes the default. And the default becomes your life.
Look around at your environment, including the proximity of your phone, and you may realize you have basically created a series of booby traps for your future self.
Small changes like turning off notifications, putting your phone in another room, or putting tomorrow’s tasks front and center aren’t just cute hacks. They’re structural engineering. You’re altering the default. And behavioral economics has repeatedly shown us that defaults are powerful. The default is the setting your brain uses when it’s tired, stressed, or busy… which is, you’ll note, most of the time.
People hear “behavioral economics” and picture a tweed-jacketed professor with a graph. In reality, it’s what supermarkets do when they put candy at child-eye level. It’s what apps do when they send you notifications that sound like a needy ex: “We miss you.” And you are a creature that responds to cues and convenience, not a steel-plated robot monk.
Situate your environment around your goals. Make starting embarrassingly easy. With time, what used to take willpower becomes a habit. A habit is basically a behavior that no longer requires you to hold a parliamentary debate inside your skull. The point is not to become a saint of discipline. The point is to stop needing discipline. Manipulating your environment and creating routines is how you turn a task from “I must summon the courage to begin” into “This is just what happens now.”
Want to read more books? Make it easier to pick up a book than your phone. And if you think this is infantilizing, yes, it is. Stop pretending you’re above it. In fact, exile the phone. Another room. Not face down. Not “I’ll resist.” Exile.
If that feels dramatic, good: it means you recognize how powerful your environment is.
(To learn more on how to manipulate your environment to change behavior, click here.)
Okay, we’ve covered a lot. Let’s round it up…
Sum Up
Here’s how to stop being lazy and get more done…
Set Goals: “Do your best” is what you say when you want to feel like a good person. A specific, difficult goal is what you choose when you actually want to become one.
Find Meaning: Visualize the human on the receiving end of your effort. Suddenly it’s not “my task list,” it’s “someone’s life is less awful because I did this.” And your brain goes: “Ah. Yes. I remember now. I am not merely a meat-based email cannon. I am useful.”
Track Progress: If you want long-term motivation, you don’t need a new personality. You need to end the day able to say: “That moved forward.”
WOOP: Positive thinking is appealing because it’s the equivalent of buying a treadmill and counting the order confirmation email as cardio. If you want real results you need to consider the obstacles and plan for them.
Be Accountable: Humans respond to “you’ll be embarrassed” better than they respond to “this will be good for you in the long run.” Suddenly I’m jogging at 7 a.m. not because jogging is enjoyable, but because Aunt Carol might comment “how’s training going??” and I refuse to be humbled in public by Aunt Carol.
Manipulate Your Environment: If corporations can spend billions engineering your behavior so you buy junk and stare at glowing rectangles until your soul dissolves then you can spend ten minutes rearranging your life so you do the things you actually care about.
We romanticize motivation because it suggests that doing things should feel good. It suggests that if you were firing on all cylinders, you would glide through tasks on a conveyor belt of inspiration.
This is, of course, nonsense.
Even the things we love are often difficult, repetitive, and boring. Love doesn’t eliminate drudgery; it merely provides a reason to tolerate it.
Motivation is often love, disguised as logistics. Love for your future self. Love for the people who live with you. Love for the small daily order that keeps chaos from swallowing everything. Love for the work, even when the work feels tedious.
If you’re waiting for the day you permanently become “a motivated person,” congratulations: you’ve invented a fictional character. That person is not coming. Real motivation is not a personality upgrade. It’s more like a busted flashlight you keep fixing. Some nights it works great. Some nights you smack it against your palm like, “Come on, you piece of junk.” We all need little tricks and rituals to get our mojo flowing sometimes.
And now? Now you’re supposed to do something about it. Yes, you. The creature currently reading this on a device sticky with fingerprints and destiny.
You have the tips. But in the end, it’s not about the knowledge. If knowledge were the bottleneck, Wikipedia would own a yacht.
The thing we always need to be reminded of is that if you just get started, it gets easier. In fact, it gets addictive. In the best, least felony-inducing sense of the word.
Back then, I gave Squid Game a 10 out of 10. I also predicted there would be pressure for more seasons. Look like I was right.
Same Creative Genius
The games in seasons 2 and 3 maintain the same level of creativity. Sky Squid Game, the finale played on towering pillars, is just as inventive as Red Light Green Light was back in season one. But honestly, compelling and creative as they were, the games were never really the point.
What makes Squid Game compelling is its human documentary angle. And the truth is humans are fighting to eliminate themselves in real life just as fast as in Squid Game. The contestants don’t need pink soldiers to pull the trigger. Give people enough desperation, enough debt, enough hopelessness, and they’ll do it themselves. The games in the movie are just a creative canvas.
We watch fathers willing to sacrifice their own children. We see alliances form and shatter within hours. We see VIPs betting on who dies next.
End of an Era
Gi-hun dies in Season 3. The main character, Player 456, the gambling addict who won the first game and spent three seasons trying to destroy it from within – gone. He sacrifices himself to save a baby, the child of another contestant. In a show filled with betrayal and self-preservation, this choice matters.
The protagonist who entered as a flawed, estranged father dies protecting someone else’s child. It doesn’t feel like redemption. More like a statement that even in a system designed to strip away humanity, the choice to remain human persists. A gentle, silent statement.
Beginning of a New One
The ending doesn’t close the story – it seems to open a bigger one.
The Front Man travels to Los Angeles. In an alley, he sees a well-dressed blonde woman playing ddakji with a desperate man. She’s a recruiter played by Cate Blanchett. Which may mean the games are going global.
Meanwhile, Gi-hun’s daughter receives his winnings from the Front Man himself. The daughter he never managed to reconnect with now holds the blood money. Again, this doesn’t feel like justice or even closure. It feels like reality.
The setup hints at a continuation – potentially an American version, with new players, new games, maybe even Gi-hun’s daughter as protagonist. The game adapts. The game never ends.
The Verdict
Seasons 2 and 3 aren’t as spectacular as the first – and they couldn’t be. You’ve already been exposed to the core of the movie. But they manage to complete and expand on the initial proposal in a very compelling way. The first season asked “what would you do for money?” These final seasons ask “was it really worth it?”
The answer, delivered through Gi-hun’s sacrifice and the American recruiter’s smile: Maybe not. Maybe yes. One era ends. Another begins.
Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. Often, the most restorative habits are the ones that fit effortlessly into our lives: taking a deep breath before a meeting, jotting down a few thoughts before bed, or spending time doing something you genuinely enjoy.
Despite these troubling trends, there’s positive news: overall cancer survival rates continue to improve, thanks to advances in early detection, targeted therapies, and lifestyle interventions. The U.S. cancer mortality rate has dropped by 34% since 1991, largely due to declines in smoking rates and better screening practices.
Lauren’s shaky childhood safety net caused her to seek security for years. One pivotal moment taught her safe isn’t the same as satisfied. Now she is unstoppable.
🌟 Welcome to Interview with a Goal-Crusher! 🌟
Hi, I’m Coach Tony, and this is Interview with a Goal-Crusher.
Every month, I sit down with someone who’s crushing their goals and building a happier life in the process. These are real people, not gurus … just like you. Think of it as free mentoring … straight from people who’ve done the hard work and have the wins (and lessons) to prove it.
Are you ready for a dad joke?
I offer you this "dad joke" as a light "amuse-bouche" to entertain your mind before we get serious. My dad joke may be groan-worthy, but it's worth every penny you paid for it, right?
When I got home today, there was an envelope laying on my welcome mat that said "do not bend." I still haven't figured out how to pick it up.
Lauren Was Afraid and Did It Anyway
Happy New Year!
I’m excited to kick off 2026 with one of the most real, raw, and quietly powerful interviews I’ve ever had the privilege of sharing.
Long-time readers may remember hearing about Lauren in a prior Interview with a Goal-Crusher. When I shared Jenn’s story, she introduced her partner, Lauren, and together they were building something impressive in real estate and investing.
Today, you get Lauren’s full story. And I want to be clear going in, this is not a highlight reel.
This is the long road. The uncomfortable decisions. The seasons where confidence wasn’t available yet, but commitment was.
Lauren is now an award-winning Realtor, a coach, a teacher, and an AI expert. She actively operates in real estate and travels the country teaching others how to build real businesses with real systems and real leverage.
But none of that started with clarity or certainty.
It started with a quiet, gnawing truth she couldn’t ignore anymore. That she was meant for more. And the willingness to take one brave, grueling step at a time to build a life that actually felt like hers.
If you’ve ever felt that pressure in your chest. That sense that the “safe” path might also be the smallest one. I think Lauren’s story is going to land exactly where it needs to.
Let’s start with the basics. Who are you, and what do you do?
I’m Lauren. I’m a real estate entrepreneur, investor, and national speaker. I build businesses through real estate, and I help people build lives they’re actually proud of.
But getting here was not clean. It was not fast. And it was definitely not glamorous.
It took me nine years to graduate from college. Not because I didn’t care. Because life hit hard and I didn’t quit anyway. During that time, I worked for the State of Ohio for six years. It was a good job. Safe. Stable. The kind of job you’re supposed to be grateful for. And I was. But I also knew deep down that if I stayed, I would live a very small version of my life.
So I made a reckless, terrifying, very intentional decision.
I graduated with my degree on a Sunday. And I started real estate classes on Monday.
No backup plan. No safety net. Just a choice to burn the old life down and build something that actually felt like mine.
From there, I went all in. I bartended. I studied. I failed. I rebuilt. I became Rookie of the Year. Built one of the top-producing teams in my market. Helped hundreds of families buy, sell, and invest in real estate. Built a portfolio. Built multiple companies. Partnered with my competition. Went through a divorce. Lost a lot. Learned even more. And I kept going even when it stopped being exciting and started being lonely.
Today, I still actively operate in real estate. I also travel the country teaching agents and entrepreneurs how to build real businesses with real systems, real leverage, and real strategy. Not just to make more money, but to stop being owned by their calendar and their chaos.
I don’t teach from a pedestal. I teach from experience. From scars. From reps. From getting it wrong and doing it anyway.
At the end of the day, I’m not special. I didn’t come from money. I didn’t have connections. I didn’t have some magic head start.
I just made a decision to stop numbing my potential with “safe.”
And once you make that decision, your whole life changes.
What motivated you to pursue your unique journey? What was your vision? Can you share your story?
At first, my motivation wasn’t some big, beautiful, perfectly clear vision. It was discomfort. It was pressure in my chest. It was this quiet panic that my life was going to be decided for me if I didn’t step in and choose it myself.
I grew up fast. I learned responsibility early. So for a long time, my main goal was just security. Don’t struggle. Don’t fall behind. Do what you’re supposed to do. So I did. I stayed in college for years while life kept happening. I worked for the State of Ohio. I chased stability. I checked all the right boxes.
And on paper, I was doing great.
But the real turning point came during my yearly review. I was sitting across from people I respected, thinking I was crushing it… and they told me I needed to slow down. That I was doing too much. That I needed to take my foot off the gas.
And something in me snapped.
Not in an angry way. In a crystal-clear way.
It was the first time I realized the very thing that made me powerful in the world would always be a problem inside systems built for average pace and capped ceilings. In that moment, I saw my future if I stayed. Safe. Comfortable. Small. Predictable. And that scared me more than any risk ever could.
That’s when I knew I had to find a way out. Not just of that job. Of the version of my life that was being silently chosen for me.
So I went inward. I got honest. I asked myself who I could really become if I stopped shrinking to fit rooms that were never built for me. And once I saw even a glimpse of that version of myself, I couldn’t unsee her.
When I graduated on a Sunday and walked into real estate school on Monday, that wasn’t impulsive. That was years of quiet frustration turning into one loud decision.
The vision didn’t start as money or titles. It started as freedom. Time freedom. Financial freedom. The freedom to decide my own pace. The freedom to build something that couldn’t be taken away from me. The freedom to help people change their family trees instead of just surviving paycheck to paycheck.
At first, the goal was, “Can I make this work?” Then it became, “How many families can I help?” Then it turned into, “How many agents can I impact?” And now it’s, “How far can this ripple really go?” I wasn’t motivated by confidence. I was motivated by the fear of waking up decades from now, knowing I played small because I mistook safety for fulfillment.
My vision today is simple and heavy at the same time: To build wealth through real estate. To build people who believe in themselves again. To build freedom that actually lasts.
I didn’t grow up seeing what was possible. So now I’ve made it my life’s work to show people what is, and that is why my mission is to impact 1,000,000 people, changing their family trees.
What was the very first step you took to get started?
I made a decision before I made a plan.
That sounds small, but it’s everything.
After that review, where I was told to slow down, I went home and got brutally honest with myself. I admitted that the life I was living was safe, but it wasn’t me. And once I said that out loud, I couldn’t keep pretending anymore.
The very first tangible step I took was enrolling in real estate school. No big announcement. No perfect timing. Just action. I graduated with my degree on a Sunday and started real estate classes the very next day. That was the moment it stopped being a thought experiment and became real.
At the same time, I took a massive step backwards financially. I went back to bartending to cover my bills while I studied. My income dropped. My security disappeared. My ego took a hit. And I did it anyway.
There was no audience yet. No results yet. Just a quiet commitment to show up every day, even when nothing was guaranteed.
That first step wasn’t flashy. It wasn’t confident. It was uncomfortable, terrifying, and deeply intentional. But it taught me something I still live by now:
You don’t build a new life in one leap. You build it in one honest step… taken before you feel ready.
What were your biggest challenges in chasing your goals? How did you push through them?
The hardest part wasn’t learning real estate. It was learning how to live with uncertainty after spending most of my life chasing security.
When I left my state job, I didn’t just walk away from a paycheck. I walked away from predictability, benefits, approval, and the version of me that everyone understood. I became the “risky” one overnight. That messes with your head more than people talk about.
One of the biggest challenges was loneliness. Entrepreneurship is isolating, especially when you outgrow rooms faster than your confidence grows. I lost relationships. I got judged. I got misunderstood. There were seasons where it felt like everyone had an opinion about my life except the people actually paying my bills. I had to quickly learn that those who were speaking negatively about me were projecting their own insecurities. I mean, I had a “friend” tell people, “I was probably out selling trailers.” (I have since removed about 85% of the people who were in my life at the time).
And then there was self-doubt. Real, loud, relentless self-doubt. Imposter syndrome. The voice that said, “Who do you think you are?” The fear of failing publicly. The fear of succeeding and still not feeling like enough. That one almost took me out more times than the finances ever did.
How did I push through? I stopped waiting to feel confident and started showing up anyway.
I built discipline before I had belief. I stayed consistent when I was discouraged. I asked for help instead of pretending I had it all figured out. I learned from every bad hire, every failed lead source, every season where things fell apart instead of forward.
And most importantly, I kept reconnecting to the why.
I wasn’t doing this just to make money. I was doing it to build freedom. To prove to myself that my life didn’t have to be shaped by fear, trauma, or someone else’s expectations. To help other people see that they weren’t trapped either. There were plenty of moments where quitting would have made sense, and most of those times I wanted to. I just refused to let temporary discomfort talk me into a permanent ceiling.
I didn’t push through because I’m fearless. I pushed through because I decided the old life wasn’t an option anymore.
In 2019, I got a tattoo that says “be afraid and do it anyways.” That was my commitment to myself.
And once that decision is final, everything else becomes figure-out-able.
What goal-setting or success habits have worked well for you that you’d love to pass on to others?
The biggest habit that changed my life is simple but not easy: I set goals based on who I need to become, not just what I want to achieve.
Early on, I used to set surface-level goals. Money goals. Production goals. Titles. And they helped for a while. But everything truly shifted when I started asking a different question: “What kind of person does this version of my life require?”
That changed how I showed up every day.
A few habits that have made the biggest difference for me:
First, I stopped waiting on motivation and built my life around non-negotiables instead. I don’t rely on how I feel to decide whether I show up. I decide who I am first, then I act like her regardless of my mood. That’s how consistency actually happens.
Second, I plan in seasons, not just years. I look at my life in 90-day windows. What does this season require of me? What am I building right now? What gets eliminated so I can actually win this chapter? That keeps me focused instead of overwhelmed.
Third, I do a lot of future pacing. I spend real time imagining the 5-year version of me and asking, “What would she stop tolerating immediately?” Then I clean house. Habits. Relationships. Commitments. Environments. That exercise alone has saved me from years of distraction.
Another big one is tracking reality, not just dreaming. I look at my numbers. My time. My energy. My calendar. My bank account. My pipeline. I don’t romanticize potential. I study patterns. Data tells you the truth faster than feelings ever will.
And lastly, I surround myself with people who call me higher, not just cheer me on. I don’t need hype. I need honesty. The right rooms will stretch you in ways comfort never will.
If I could pass on one thing, it would be this:
You don’t rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your standards.
Raise your standards, and your life has no choice but to follow.
Oh, and what they say about “you are the equivalent of the 5 people you spend the most time with” is absolutely true, for both the good and bad. Choose your friends accordingly.
What else would you like my Operation Melt readers to know about you, your work, or the journey you’ve taken?
The truth is… I probably shouldn’t be here.
I grew up inside chaos, wrapped as a perfect white-picket fence family, tied in a bow. I was raised around addiction and narcissism. I learned how to read a room before I learned how to rest. I learned how to survive before I ever learned how to dream.
There were days I had to call the fire department because my dad thought our house was being taken over by leprechauns. There were times I had to call the police on my own father for driving intoxicated with my little sister. These are examples of tough decisions I had to make. Not once. Several times. As a kid. I learned very early that safety wasn’t guaranteed.
My parents divorced when I was 13, and everything I knew disappeared almost overnight. By high school, I switched schools and left behind my friends, my teams, my identity, my sense of normal. I was the new kid carrying old grief and adult-sized fear in a teenager’s body.
And then my dad died when I was 17.
I was the one sitting by his bedside that last night of his life. I was the one who watched his chest rise and fall for what we thought was the last time, but visiting hours ended, and he didn’t pass until morning.. And I was the one who had to clean out his room after he was gone.
No one prepares you for that.
There are a million statistics that say I should have stayed stuck. That trauma should have hardened me. That I should have chosen numbing over building. That I should have repeated what I was handed.
But I didn’t.
And not because I was strong. Because somewhere along the way, even in the middle of all of that, I knew my life was meant for more than just survival.
My work today isn’t about success for the sake of status. It’s about proof. Proof that your upbringing does not get to write your ending. Proof that you can outgrow what you survived. Proof that the rooms you come from do not get to limit the rooms you enter.
Everything I build is rooted in that truth.
Every business. Every stage. Every person I help see themselves differently.
I’m not here because life was easy. I’m here because I refused to let hard become my whole story.
So if someone reading this feels like their past disqualifies them, I want them to hear this clearly:
Your trauma does not cancel your potential. Your grief does not get the final word. Your survival story can still become your leadership story.
I am not here because I was protected.
I’m here because I chose to protect my future when no one else could.
And I will never waste that.
What’s one thing you do that might look lazy or indulgent from the outside, but is actually essential to your success?
This is still something I am learning, and it is a work in progress, but I put my phone on DND, and I rest on purpose. And I protect it like it’s part of my job… because it is.
From the outside, it can look indulgent. Slow mornings when I can. Sitting in silence. Taking a walk with no podcast playing. Leaving my phone in another room and not answering for hours. In a world full of noise and notifications that glamorizes burnout, it can look lazy.
It’s not. And that is something I just learned this year.
For most of my life, my nervous system lived in survival mode. Hyper-vigilant. Always bracing. Always scanning. Always pushing. Rest used to feel unsafe to me. But I learned the hard way that you don’t build a clear business or a clear life from a fried nervous system.
So now I slow down on purpose.
I used to think success meant being exhausted. Now I know exhaustion just means I’ve stopped listening to the most important person in my life, me.
Stillness is not a reward after work.
It’s part of the work. We need the white space on our calendar to let our creative minds flow.
And protecting my energy is the reason I can show up at the level I do when it actually counts.
If you could go back and give 18-year-old you one piece of advice, what would it be and why?
I would tell her this:
You do not have to earn your worth through suffering.
At 18, I thought pain was the price of admission. I thought if I just worked harder, stayed quieter, carried more, and asked for less, I’d eventually deserve peace. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was built around being “the strong one.” The dependable one. The one who didn’t fall apart.
I would tell her that strength doesn’t mean swallowing everything until it breaks you. That being high-capacity doesn’t mean being available to be drained. That just because you can carry it all doesn’t mean you should.
I would tell her that the feeling inside her chest that says, “There has to be more than this,” is not arrogance. It’s instinct. And if she learns to trust it sooner instead of apologizing for it, she will save herself years of trying to make the wrong rooms feel like home.
I would tell her she’s going to walk through grief that most people her age can’t imagine. She’s going to feel abandoned, misunderstood, and alone in ways she never asked for. And none of it means she’s weak. It means she’s becoming dangerous in the best way.
And I would leave her with this:
You are not here to prove you’re unbreakable. You are here to build a life that doesn’t require you to be.
Stop shrinking to be digestible. Stop over-functioning to be needed. Stop mistaking survival for success.
You are not behind. You are becoming her.
And one day, everything they tried to dim in you will become the very thing that lights up rooms.
Where can people go to learn more about you or connect with your work?
The easiest place to really connect with me day to day is on Instagram. That’s where I share the real behind-the-scenes of my life, real estate, business, travel, wins, struggles, and everything in between. It’s where most people get a true feel for who I am and what I actually stand for. @laurenlucas_re
For anyone who wants to go deeper into the work itself, whether that’s real estate, building wealth, systems, or scaling a business, all of my programs, events, and community live online through my education platforms and private community. That’s where the real transformation happens because it’s not just content, it’s implementation and support.
And if someone’s looking to work with my real estate team directly, buy, sell, invest, or just start a serious conversation about what’s possible, they can connect through my real estate brand online as well.
No matter how someone finds me, my goal is always the same: To meet people where they are and help them build what’s next.
The only thing I can say about Lauren’s story is this: holy shit.
Not because it’s flashy. Not because it’s perfect. But because it’s honest.
What stayed with me most wasn’t just what she built. It was what she refused to keep tolerating.
The moment she realized safety was slowly shrinking her life. The decision to move before confidence showed up. The discipline to keep going when motivation wasn’t available. And the courage to rest and protect her energy in a world that glorifies burnout.
Lauren didn’t wait to feel ready. She didn’t wait for permission. She didn’t wait for certainty.
She decided who she wanted to become, and then she started acting like her.
That’s the part I hope you don’t miss.
You don’t need a dramatic origin story to start changing your life. You don’t need perfect clarity. You don’t need to blow everything up tomorrow.
You need one honest decision. One step taken before you feel ready. One commitment to stop playing small in ways you’ve already outgrown.
Lauren’s story is proof of what happens when you do that consistently, even when it’s lonely, uncomfortable, and scary.
Be afraid. Do it anyway.
Lauren Is Project Managing Her Life Like a Pro!
Lauren’s success wasn’t accidental, and it wasn’t luck. It was internal passion, intentional commitment, and many goal-crushing best practices that helped her stop playing small and build her empire.
Many of Lauren’s goal-crushing strategies perfectly illustrate my Project Manage Your Life (PMYL) principles. Here are just a few examples (confession: it was hard to limit myself to only including these examples):
✅ Set SMART Goals:
Lauren committed to a big goal. She decided she was going to go into real estate because it provided her the freedom she sought and wouldn’t tell her to play small.
Her goal was deeply personal and the culmination of every day of her life to that point.
Did she know she would end up being a national speaker and award-winning Realtor? Probably not. But she probably wouldn’t have ruled it out because she was tired of being less than she knew she was capable of. She knew her “life was meant for more than just survival.”
And she keeps pursuing goals and has a clear vision for her life. Today’s goals are based on becoming the version of herself that the next stage of her life requires.
Want to be unstoppable in your life? Commit to a goal that’s as personal and identity-shaping as Lauren has.
✅ Build a plan that works for you:
Lauren’s story is the definition of committing to your own plan, not someone else’s.
Lauren referred to her plan as a “reckless, terrifying, very intentional decision.” This worked for her because she grew up with a safety net that was shaky at best. This was clearly formative for her. It caused her to seek safety and security for years.
Then, after a pivotal performance review, she discovered that the safe path would never be the satisfying one.
Today, Lauren has found the ideal planning tool that works for her. She plans in seasons and starts with a powerful question:
I plan in seasons, not just years. I look at my life in 90-day windows. What does this season require of me? What am I building right now? What gets eliminated so I can actually win this chapter? That keeps me focused instead of overwhelmed.
Focusing first on being who she wants to be, and deprioritizing everything else, is superhero-like planning. I might actually steal this for my own quarterly planning!
Ask yourself: How is your past shaping today’s choices? Is that what you want? Who do you want to be?
After answering those questions, it’s time to create a plan. Don’t hesitate to create a plan that scares you a little, as long as it also lights you up. Focus on who you want to be, be afraid, and do it anyway… just like Lauren.
✅ Measure progress every day:
Lauren believes in one of the key truths about crushing goals: “if I can measure it, I can manage it.” So she grounds herself in reality by looking at the data.
Another big one is tracking reality, not just dreaming. I look at my numbers. My time. My energy. My calendar. My bank account. My pipeline. I don’t romanticize potential. I study patterns. Data tells you the truth faster than feelings ever will.
What does your data say about your goals? Does that story match the one you are telling yourself? If not, it might be time to adjust your story.
✅ Expect and plan ahead for problems:
Lauren mentioned her “future pacing” in her story:
I spend real time imagining the 5-year version of me and asking, “What would she stop tolerating immediately?” Then I clean house. Habits. Relationships. Commitments. Environments. That exercise alone has saved me from years of distraction.
This is a master class in planning ahead for problems and proactively avoiding them. By eliminating distractions and anything that’s a barrier to your future you, many problems are avoided from the beginning.
When you think about who you want to be in five years, what things in your life might hold you back (habits, mindsets, people, etc.)? What can you do today to start clearing those barriers?
Your Turn… Your Success Story Starts Today
Are you ready to stop reading other people’s success stories and finally create your own?
Here are two small but powerful steps you can take today to start writing your own goal-crushing success story.
Step 1: Join My Free Goal Crusher Coffee Chat
My next Goal Crusher Coffee Chat is a relaxed, honest roundtable where we take the pressure off perfection and start turning intention into momentum.
The theme of this session is: You’ve Got a Friend in YOU! A BFF Pep Talk for Your Hard Days.
We’ll talk about the self-talk that keeps us stuck, and I’ll introduce you to my BFF Exercise, a simple but powerful tool for rewriting the stories that hold us back.
We will also have an informal roundtable to answer this question: What is one thing you wish your BFF would tell you on the days you’re hardest on yourself?
If you’ve been hard on yourself lately, this conversation is for you.
Click below to sign up for this free event that will help you become your best friend instead of your own worst enemy.
Step 2: Grab the Project Manage Your Life Starter Kit
If you’re ready to move from inspired to in motion, the Project Manage Your Life Starter Kit will help you build a goal that actually fits your life, create a plan you’ll follow, and start building real momentum.
You don’t need more motivation. You need a system that supports who you’re becoming.
Click below to grab your Starter Kit and start building momentum today.
💥 What if you had to choose between being safe and being happy? What would you choose? Will you choose to be afraid and do it anyway, and stop playing small like Lauren? It just takes a few bold steps. You can figure out the rest as you go.
✨ I believe in you, let me help YOU believe in you! ✨
Click to get your Starter Kit (Etsy Digital Download)
Meet Coach Tony
Tony Weaver is a master life coach, technologist, consultant, writer, and founder of Operation Melt.
He helps project managers and other left-brained high-achievers pursue their biggest goals.
Through free resources, personalized coaching, and his proven Project Manage Your Life system, Tony empowers clients to move their dreams from “someday” to success… one step at a time.
Learn more about Project Manage Your Life, the system my clients and I use to crush our goals, at OperationMelt.com/PMYL/
With all that being said, this is an excellent moon for doing something cathartic and/or self soothing. As the twins suggest, you could ask a nurturing friend or relative for advice, or pour a mug of tea and fill up a few journal pages. And if your house still looks the way it did the day after Christmas, they add, use this domestic full moon to get things back in order.
I remember the first time I truly traveled alone. It wasn’t a grand, planned adventure, but more of a necessity. My friends had to cancel last minute, and I was faced with a choice: ditch the trip or go solo. Hesitantly, I chose the latter. What followed was an experience that reshaped my understanding of myself and the world around me. It was uncomfortable at first, a little awkward even, but it quickly became one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done.
Many of us dream of exploring new places, but the thought of doing it alone can feel daunting. We imagine loneliness, missed opportunities, or simply not knowing what to do. But what if I told you that traveling solo isn’t just about seeing new sights, it’s about unlocking a deeper level of self-discovery and confidence? It’s about learning to rely on yourself, to navigate the unexpected, and to truly connect with the world on your own terms.
This is a lesson my friend Matt, also known as Nomadic Matt, has mastered over years of traveling to over 100 countries. He’s a New York Times bestselling author and a true expert in navigating the world independently. In a recent conversation, he shared some profound insights into why solo travel is a superpower, and how it can transform your life in ways you never imagined.
Why Solo Travel is Your Ultimate Self-Development Tool
When you travel with others, there’s a natural tendency to lean on each other. Someone else might handle the navigation, another might pick the restaurants, and you might just go along for the ride. But when you’re on your own, all those decisions fall squarely on your shoulders. This isn’t a burden; it’s an opportunity.
Matt puts it simply: “When you’re on your own, you only have yourself to count on.” This forces you to step up. You have to figure out how to get from point A to point B, decide where to eat, and make all the choices. This constant decision-making, even for seemingly small things, builds an incredible amount of confidence. You learn what you like and dislike, and you become more attuned to your own needs and desires. It’s a trial-and-error process that refines your understanding of yourself.
Think about it: how often do we go on autopilot in our daily lives? We drive the same routes, follow the same routines, and often let others take the lead. Solo travel shatters that autopilot. Every interaction, every new street, every meal becomes an active choice. This heightened awareness and constant engagement with your surroundings makes you more present and more capable.
Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone (Even if You’re an Introvert)
For many, the biggest hurdle to solo travel is the fear of loneliness or not being able to connect with people. As an introvert myself, I can certainly relate to that feeling. But Matt, who also identifies as introverted, shared a powerful truth: “You don’t have a choice, unless you wanna go spend three weeks never talking to somebody, you have to start striking up a conversation.”
This isn’t about becoming an extrovert overnight. It’s about building a new kind of social muscle. When you’re traveling solo, the stakes are lower. You’re likely never going to see these people again, so the pressure to impress or be perfect is gone. This freedom allows you to be more authentic and open. Matt suggests a few simple ways to meet people:
Shared Group Activities: Think bar crawls, food tours, walking tours, or even finding local sports leagues (like pickleball or volleyball, as Matt’s friends do). These activities provide a built-in common interest, making conversations flow naturally.
Hostel Bars: Even if you prefer not to stay in a hostel, their bars are often vibrant social hubs where travelers gather. It’s a low-pressure environment to strike up a chat.
Meetup.com: If you have a specific interest, like jazz music, search for local meetups. You’ll find like-minded individuals and an instant topic of conversation. As Matt says, “You at least have something you can talk about.” This initial common ground can quickly lead to deeper connections.
These aren’t just tips for travelers; they’re life lessons. Learning to initiate conversations, even when it feels uncomfortable, is a skill that serves you well in every aspect of life. It builds resilience and expands your social circle in unexpected ways.
The Art of “One Day, One Thing”
One of the most common pitfalls for remote workers or entrepreneurs who travel is trying to juggle work and sightseeing simultaneously. Matt has a strong, counterintuitive piece of advice: “Don’t do it.” He explains that one will always suffer. If you try to work in the mornings and sightsee in the afternoons, you’ll constantly feel stressed, either about work you’re not doing or sights you’re missing.
His solution is simple yet profound: dedicate entire days. “You have to be like, this is the workday and this is a travel day. You can only do one thing at one time.” This means if you’re in Paris for a week, you might dedicate three days entirely to work and four days entirely to exploring. Or, if you have the luxury, extend your trip. As Matt points out, if you can work remotely, you can work anywhere. So why not go for a month? This allows you to truly immerse yourself in the rhythm of the city, find local coffee shops, and experience life like a local, without the constant pressure of splitting your attention.
This “one day, one thing” philosophy isn’t just for travel; it’s a powerful principle for productivity in general. Multitasking, as Matt reminds us, is a myth. Our brains aren’t designed for it. By focusing on one task or one experience at a time, whether it’s a work project or exploring a new neighborhood, you achieve deeper engagement and greater satisfaction.
Uncovering Local Gems: Beyond the Tourist Traps
When you’re traveling solo, you have the freedom to deviate from the well-trodden path. You’re not beholden to anyone else’s itinerary, which opens up a world of authentic experiences. Matt shared a brilliant hack for finding these hidden gems: the local tourism board.
While most people skip it, he sees it as an “underrated resource.” The staff are locals whose job it is to help you have a good time. Instead of asking “What should I do?” (which will get you the usual tourist spots), ask “What do you do?” This simple shift in questioning can lead you to local markets, hidden restaurants, and unique experiences that most tourists never discover.
Another powerful strategy is to leverage local food or travel bloggers and Instagram accounts. As Matt explains, “Every city has their own version of that.” These feeds are curated for locals, offering insights into new restaurant openings, cool events, and offbeat attractions. It’s the “who, not how” principle in action: instead of trying to figure it all out yourself, find the people who already have the answers.
The Unseen Benefits: Reading People and Building Resilience
Beyond the practical skills, solo travel cultivates a deeper understanding of human nature. Matt notes that you “get better at reading people” because you’re exposed to more facial expressions and diverse situations. This heightened awareness helps you discern intentions and navigate social dynamics with greater ease.
It also builds incredible resilience. When things go wrong—and they will—you’re the one who has to solve the problem. This might mean navigating a language barrier, finding an alternative route, or simply dealing with unexpected delays. Each challenge overcome strengthens your ability to adapt and problem-solve, making you more confident in your capacity to handle whatever life throws your way.
Your Next Adventure Starts Now
Solo travel isn’t just for the adventurous few; it’s for anyone ready to embrace personal growth and discover their own strength. It’s about shedding the expectations of others and truly listening to your own inner compass. Whether it’s a weekend trip to a nearby city or a month-long journey across a continent, the lessons you learn about yourself will be invaluable.
So, what’s holding you back? Perhaps it’s time to book that ticket, pack that bag, and embark on an adventure that will not only show you the world, but also show you the incredible person you are becoming.
I remember a time when my to-do list felt like a runaway train – tasks piling up while I scrambled to find a moment of clarity. It wasn’t just about being busy; it was about the constant battle against time slipping through my fingers. Many of us have been there, feeling overwhelmed by our internal clock and the endless stream of distractions. But what if our very differences could be transformed into our greatest strengths? Today, let’s explore how understanding and embracing ADHD, or more generally executive function challenges, can unlock hidden pathways to productivity and creative problem solving.
When Time Feels Like a Mystery
Time can be an elusive concept when you struggle with time blindness and executive dysfunction. For those with ADHD, every minute can feel like an enigma, and that sense of disarray can make even the simplest tasks seem insurmountable. I used to wonder why I’d lose track of time even during tasks I enjoyed. It wasn’t laziness or lack of commitment; it was the brain’s unique way of processing time. The challenge here isn’t about discipline, but about the need for external structures that make time visible and manageable.
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Has it been 10 minutes already?” or “I started something and suddenly, the day’s almost over.” This is not just forgetfulness; it’s a real, tangible barrier to achieving your goals. The irony is that our brains, with their spontaneous bursts of creativity, often excel in moments of high energy and passion. The key is learning to harness that energy by externalizing time—turning abstract mental clocks into tangible schedules and routines.
Externalizing Your Time: Tools and Techniques
One of the most actionable strategies for anyone grappling with these challenges is externalizing time. Imagine having a personal assistant who nudges you gently whenever you stray from your planned activities. That’s essentially what a smartwatch or a well-managed calendar can do for you. Whether you’re using a Samsung Galaxy or any other device that syncs with your digital calendar, these tools help bridge the gap between internal time perception and the external world.
Here are some proven techniques to turn time from a foe into a friend:
1. Smartwatch and Digital Reminders
Using a smartwatch not only adds a layer of accountability, but it also offers gentle reminders throughout your day. By simply glancing at your wrist, you’re brought back into the rhythm of your schedule.
2. Integrated Calendars and Task Lists
Don’t let your calendar be just a list of appointments. Supplement it with detailed task lists that break down your work into smaller, manageable chunks. Interactive calendars or apps like Google Calendar paired with task managers can help keep your day on track.
3. Visual Tools like Mind Mapping Software
Tools such as Miro can be a game-changer. When your thoughts are scattered, seeing them organized visually can reduce overload and help you connect the dots. Whether it’s pinning sticky notes on a digital board or arranging tasks in a mind map, visual aids are key.
4. Paper-Based Planning Systems
Sometimes, nothing beats the simplicity of putting pen to paper. A well-structured planner pad can serve as a funnel for all your thoughts, allowing you to bring that chaos into a neat and actionable format.
Building a Routine That Works for You
Routines might sound mundane at first, but they are the secret weapons in the productivity arsenal, particularly when your brain craves structure. If you’ve ever rolled over in bed, feeling disoriented, only to realize that your morning barely transitioned into work mode, you know the value of a well-crafted routine. For those challenged by ADHD, a morning ritual isn’t just a habit—it’s a lifeline.
A few insights on building a powerful daily routine include:
Start with Movement: Infuse your morning with movement. Even a short walk or a set of stretching exercises can help activate your brain, boosting both energy and working memory. Movement isn’t just physical; it’s a mental reset button.
Mindfulness and Meditation: While it might sound cliché, dedicating even a few minutes to mindfulness can help bring your focus into sharper relief. Experiment with mindful breathing or a short meditation session that suits your pace. It might feel odd at first, but these moments of calm can serve as anchors for the rest of your day.
Structured Transitions: The shift from sleep to work is often brutal when your brain isn’t naturally inclined toward linear task management. Create gentle transition steps—perhaps first organizing your space, then reviewing your schedule, and finally starting on a simple task. This incremental approach smooths out the jump between different states of activity.
Customize Your Breaks: The classic Pomodoro technique, where you work for 25 minutes and break for 5, has its merits, but it’s not one-size-fits-all. If you find that your transitions need more time, adjust your intervals. Maybe try working for an hour and then enjoying a more generous break—whatever aligns with your natural rhythm.
Advocating for Your Needs at Work
It’s not just about managing your own productivity; it’s also about creating environments where your unique working style is understood and embraced. Many of us hesitate to speak out about our challenges for fear of being misunderstood. But communication is key, particularly in professional settings where rigid structures can feel suffocating.
Consider these tips for advocating for yourself at work:
Share Your Work Style: Frame your needs in terms of what makes you most effective rather than focusing solely on what you struggle with. You might say, “I work best when I have uninterrupted time blocks and clear task priorities,” rather than divulging every personal detail.
Suggest Practical Adjustments: Propose small changes that can make a big difference. For instance, you might discuss ways to minimize email interruptions or suggest using visual task boards that benefit everyone on the team.
Build One-on-One Conversations: If disclosing a full diagnosis isn’t comfortable, consider sharing a simplified version of your work method. It’s perfectly fine to ask for what you need without going all in on the details of your neurodiversity.
Focus on Results: Ultimately, effective communication shows that you’re committed to productivity and quality work. Align the conversation around strategies that have worked for you, and invite your supervisor into a dialogue about how mutual adjustments can boost overall performance.
Reframing ADHD as a Superpower
It might seem counterintuitive when you’re constantly wrestling with feelings of self-doubt and frustration, but many of the traits associated with ADHD can also serve as unique strengths. In moments when you feel you’re not working as hard as others, remember that your brain might simply be working in a way that isn’t immediately apparent. Your spontaneity, creative problem solving, and ability to think outside the box can be major assets in today’s dynamic workplace.
Here’s a different perspective: rather than viewing your struggles as failures, see them as signals that you need to adjust your environment and strategies. When you externalize your time and tasks, you’re taking proactive steps to harness your inherent creativity and focus. Your brain might wander, but with the right supports in place, it can also ignite innovations and fresh solutions that others might overlook.
For example, many individuals discover that once they learn to manage their external schedules and transform chaos into a structured workflow, the world suddenly seems less daunting. That relief isn’t about admitting weakness; it’s about celebrating your unique process.
Action Steps to Take Home Today
If you’re nodding along and thinking, “This is exactly what I need,” here’s one simple actionable takeaway: tomorrow, try adjusting a small part of your routine. Pick one strategy—maybe set up a calendar reminder on your phone, or sketch a quick mind map for a project. Notice the difference it makes in how connected you feel to the flow of your day.
Remember, productivity isn’t a one-size-fits-all recipe. It’s about finding the mix of tools, routines, and supports that work for you. Embrace your differences by establishing systems that honor the way your mind naturally works. You may find that by externalizing time and planning with intention, you unlock not just more productivity but also more satisfaction and creativity in your work and life.
Take the leap. Experiment with a new tool, build a simple routine, or have a conversation with a colleague about how you work best. Your productivity superpower is waiting to be unleashed – all it takes is a small change today to start paving the way for a more meaningful, organized, and innovative tomorrow.
We’ve all been there. That feeling of being perpetually busy, constantly chasing the next deadline, the next achievement. You push yourself, you hustle, you optimize every minute, only to find yourself at the end of the day, week, or even year, feeling utterly drained, perhaps even a little lost. You might think you’re being productive, but what if all that relentless striving is actually holding you back from true effectiveness and genuine well-being?
It’s a common trap, one I’ve certainly fallen into. I remember a time, not so long ago, when I was on stage, ready to deliver a talk to a hundred people. My heart was pounding, my voice trembled, and a cold sweat broke out on my neck. I blamed it on the flu, but deep down, I knew it was anxiety. I pushed through, relying on autopilot, but the experience left me shaken. Lying in my hotel room afterward, I realized something profound: I wasn’t in a good place. And that’s when I knew I needed to find a way to bring more calm into my life.
This wasn’t about abandoning productivity. Far from it. It was about understanding that true productivity isn’t just about doing more, faster. It’s about cultivating a state of mind that allows you to do your best work, to be present, and to find meaning in what you do. It’s about recognizing that sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is to slow down, breathe, and find your calm.
The Hidden Cost of Constant Hustle: Why Anxiety and Burnout Cap Your Potential
We live in a world that often glorifies busyness. The more packed your calendar, the more emails in your inbox, the more projects on your plate, the more “successful” you’re perceived to be. But this relentless pursuit of more comes at a cost. As Chris Bailey, a productivity expert and author, points out, anxiety and burnout are silent saboteurs that significantly compromise our cognitive performance without us even realizing it.
Think about it: if you had to solve a complex problem or give an important presentation while feeling overwhelmed and stressed, how well would you perform? Probably not your best. Your mind would be racing, your focus scattered. Now imagine tackling that same task with a calm, clear mind. The difference is palpable. Anxiety, like a thick fog, obscures your mental clarity, making even simple tasks feel monumental. It’s like trying to multiply 12 by 24 in your head five minutes before a big talk versus doing it after a relaxing walk and a warm drink. The calm mind wins every time.
Burnout, often mistaken for mere exhaustion, is a deeper, more insidious phenomenon. It’s characterized by three key components:
Exhaustion: A state of total physical and mental depletion.
Cynicism: A pervasive negativity towards your work and its purpose.
Inefficacy: A profound feeling that your efforts make no difference, no matter how hard you try.
If you’re experiencing all three, you’re likely burnt out. But even if you’re just feeling exhausted and cynical, you’re well on your way. The opposite of burnout is engagement, and when you’re burnt out, your capacity for productivity plummets. It’s a spectrum, and the more chronic stress you face, especially from work, the further you slide towards burnout. This isn’t just about feeling tired; it’s about a fundamental erosion of your ability to perform and find satisfaction in your work.
The Six Dimensions of Work-Related Stress: A Blueprint for Engagement
Understanding the root causes of burnout is the first step towards cultivating calm and boosting your productivity. Chris highlights six key variables in our work that, depending on the level of chronic stress they induce, can either push us towards burnout or pull us towards engagement:
Workload: When your workload consistently exceeds your capacity, burnout is a real risk. It’s not just about the quantity of tasks, but the relentless pressure to keep up.
Lack of Control: The less autonomy you have over what, when, and how you do your work, the more likely you are to feel disengaged and burnt out. While some roles offer more autonomy than others, there are always ways to find pockets of control.
Insufficient Reward: This isn’t just about money. It’s about feeling financially compensated, socially recognized, and valued for your contributions. When your efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated, it’s a fast track to cynicism.
Community: Humans are social creatures. Feeling disconnected from your colleagues or lacking a sense of belonging at work significantly impacts your engagement. Strong social connections are a critical ingredient for a positive work environment.
Fairness: How work is assigned, how rewards are distributed, and how decisions are made all contribute to a sense of fairness. Perceived unfairness can breed resentment and disengagement.
Values: This is perhaps the most critical factor. When your work aligns with your deeper values, it becomes a source of meaning and motivation. When there’s a disconnect, even if you’re achieving a lot, it can feel hollow and unfulfilling.
By regularly assessing these six areas, you can gain valuable insights into your own well-being and identify areas where you can make adjustments. It’s about being proactive, not reactive, in managing your stress and cultivating a more sustainable approach to work.
Reclaiming Control: Finding Autonomy in a Demanding World
Many of us feel like we have little control over our schedules, especially in corporate environments. I’ve heard it countless times: “My calendar is a wall of meetings!” And it’s true, not everyone has the luxury of completely dictating their work hours. But even within demanding structures, there are ways to reclaim a sense of autonomy.
Chris emphasizes that we need to take the productivity advice that works for us and leave the rest. Not every tip will apply to every situation, and that’s okay. The key is to understand your own autonomy spectrum. If you’re in a role with limited control, focus on what you can control. This might involve:
Defining “Productivity Hours”: Even if your day is packed, identify specific blocks of time where you can focus on deep work, free from distractions. Protect these blocks fiercely.
Setting Boundaries: Learn to say no, or at least “not right now.” Disconnect after work hours. Resist the urge to constantly check emails or notifications. These boundaries, even small ones, create a sense of control and prevent constant overstimulation.
Relating Differently to Your Work: Sometimes, it’s not about changing your circumstances, but changing your perspective. How you relate to your work can be as important as the work itself. By consciously choosing to approach tasks with a calmer, more intentional mindset, you can reduce the perceived stress.
It’s about working within the systems that exist, but also pushing and molding them for your collective benefit. Even small tweaks can lead to massive shifts in your sense of control and overall well-being.
The Power of the Pause: Embracing Stimulation Fasts and Analog Living
In our hyper-connected world, we’re constantly bombarded with digital stimulation. Every notification, every new email, every social media scroll triggers a hit of dopamine, creating a craving for more. This constant seeking of novelty, while seemingly harmless, can actually diminish our capacity for focus and presence. It’s like being in Times Square all the time; eventually, nothing feels truly novel.
Chris advocates for what he calls “stimulation fasts” – periods where you intentionally reduce your exposure to digital novelty. This isn’t about completely cutting off from the world, but rather about creating boundaries around those “empty hits” of mental stimulation. It could mean:
Weeding out digital distractions: Temporarily unsubscribe from news feeds, limit social media, or avoid binge-watching shows.
Substituting with analog activities: Instead of scrolling, play an instrument, go for a walk in nature, spend quality time with loved ones, or engage in a hobby that brings you joy and calm.
The benefits are remarkable. When you lower your mental stimulation, focus becomes easier, almost effortless. You’ll find fewer impulses to check your phone or refresh your email. This cultivated calm allows you to engage more deeply with meaningful tasks, leading to greater productivity and a stronger sense of purpose.
This concept extends to our choice of tools as well. While digital tools offer efficiency, analog tools often foster meaning. Think about writing a heartfelt letter by hand versus sending a quick email. The analog experience, though slower, often carries more weight and intention. It’s about finding the right balance: use digital for efficiency, and analog for meaning. Deliberately choose when to embrace the slower, more present experience of analog living.
Your Path to Thoughtful Productivity
True productivity isn’t about burning out in the pursuit of endless accomplishment. It’s about cultivating a thoughtful approach that prioritizes your well-being, aligns with your values, and ultimately leads to more meaningful and sustainable results. It’s about recognizing that calm isn’t the absence of activity, but the presence of clarity and intention.
So, what’s one small step you can take today to embrace thoughtful productivity? Perhaps it’s identifying one digital distraction to reduce, or scheduling a short “stimulation fast” for yourself. Maybe it’s reflecting on which of the six dimensions of work-related stress are most impacting you, and brainstorming one small way to address it. Or perhaps it’s simply taking a few moments to breathe deeply and find a moment of calm amidst the busyness.
Time is one of our most valuable resources, yet we constantly feel like we’re racing against the clock. The idea of “buying back time” might seem abstract, but what if you could strategically free up hours from your day by investing a little money and a lot of thought into your daily routines? In this post, I break down three powerful strategies that have transformed my productivity—and they can do the same for you.
1. Leverage Technology to Eliminate Time Squanders
We all have those seemingly small tasks that, when added together, consume an awful lot of time. Whether it’s manually paying bills, searching through endless email chains for an attachment, or spending minutes organizing files on your computer, these actions add up. The beauty of today’s world is that technology can automate many of these tasks.
Consider the examples:
Automated Finances: Set up autopay and automated transfers so that your money moves where it needs to go without you having to lift a finger.
Smart Tools: Use apps like Keyboard Maestro, Hazel, or even built-in shortcuts on your phone to automate daily digital chores.
Team Management Apps: Tools like TeamSnap simplify scheduling and communication, saving you endless back‐and‐forths.
Investing in the right technology may require a small upfront cost, but over time, it pays for itself by slashing the hours spent on routine work. Even a few minutes saved on each task can compound into a significant boost in your productivity—and your energy.
2. Delegate and Outsource Personal Tasks
One of the greatest misconceptions about delegation is that if you can do something, you shouldn’t outsource it. But consider this: if you spend your precious time on daily errands or chores that someone else could handle, you lose out on the opportunity to focus on higher-impact activities.
Here’s how you can start delegating more effectively:
Identify Time Drains: List out your routine tasks—like grocery shopping, dry cleaning, or even assembling furniture (yes, even that dreaded IKEA project). Then, determine if these tasks are worth doing yourself or if they can be outsourced.
Budget to Delegate: Even a modest budget, say $100–$200 a month, can open the door to services like Instacart or TaskRabbit. This isn’t about being frivolous with spending; it’s about reclaiming your time for what truly matters.
Start Small: Begin by outsourcing one or two tasks to get a feel for how delegation can free up your mental space. As you grow comfortable, you can expand the range of tasks you delegate.
Whether it’s having your groceries delivered, ordering meal kits, or hiring someone to manage less enjoyable household tasks, delegating can add back hours to your week—hours that you can reinvest in your work, family, or personal growth.
3. Invest in an Executive Assistant
If you’re serious about duplicating your own productivity, consider hiring an executive assistant (EA). Initially, you might be skeptical—maybe you think you don’t need someone for tasks you already seem to manage well. But what you gain is not just help with mundane tasks but a partner who understands your preferences and reserves your time for the really strategic decisions.
Some key benefits of an EA include:
Email and Schedule Management: An EA can filter your emails and manage your calendar, ensuring you only spend time on what’s truly important.
Travel and Appointment Coordination: From booking travel to setting up appointments, an EA handles the details so you can focus on high-leverage activities.
Incremental Involvement: You don’t need a full-time EA. Even a part-time assistant working a few hours a week can make a significant impact.
The real magic lies in the long-term relationship. As your EA gets to know you, they become more effective, anticipating your needs and making decisions on your behalf. This kind of leveraged support is a game changer, especially for busy professionals and entrepreneurs.
Conclusion: Make Your Time an Investment
The concept of buying back time is all about being intentional with your resources. By leveraging technology, delegating routine tasks, and even hiring an executive assistant, you can transform those small time sinks into meaningful, productive hours. The key is to start small—pick one area where you feel the pinch, and invest in a solution that gives you even an extra hour each week. Over time, these extra moments will add up, providing more creativity, clarity, and the space to focus on what truly matters.
