This episode tackles three relationship questions. The first one is about a new empty nester who is experiencing relationship issues. Even when the kids were still there, the wife was distant and disinterested, and suggesting counseling would only push her away. The video suggests that the wife may be questioning her value and identity as a mother, and it is important for the husband to be patient and understanding, listen to her, and find something that they can focus on together that would make her feel valuable again.
The second question is about a woman who cheated on her husband and has been back in the marriage for eight months but doesn’t feel in love with him anymore. The video says that it is possible to love her husband again, but she needs to be careful not to measure it against the same level of excitement and sexual exhilaration she had with the other person. The video explains the scientific viewpoint of love and suggests that what she may be lacking is the feeling of passion, which is a craving for oneness. The video advises her to focus on building intimacy, commitment, and passion with her husband.
The last question is about the Marriage Helper workshop. This person asks if they should try to fix issues in their marriage before they attend the workshop. Dr. Beam explains that it is best to keep things light until they attend the workshop where we can help guide them through each specific issue and provide the tools to start rebuilding the marriage.
Dive into this episode with us!
Relationship Radio is hosted by CEO of Marriage Helper, Kimberly Beam Holmes, and founder of Marriage Helper, Dr. Joe Beam.
Regardless of your situation, what we teach will not only make your relationships better, but will also help you to become the best version of yourself along the way.
Relationship Radio is released every Wednesday and is an extension of Marriage Helper.
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. We love hearing from you!
For more resources about your specific situation, visit marriagehelper.com.
To learn more about our 3 day workshop, visit marriagehelper.com/workshop
The acts of service love language describes the process of feeling love and adoration through visible actions. Acts of service is one of the five love languages that help to explain the different ways in which we like to express and receive love.
But, what is the acts of service love language, how is it used to create a good relationship, and what are some of the best acts of service examples and ideas to try? We’ve covered all this — and more — below!
Love Languages: A Recap of the Concept
If you haven’t yet heard of Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, there’s no time like now to get acquainted with them! The concept has become increasingly popular in recent years, helping to inform couples — and singles — about the ways we express and receive love. Below, we’ve put together a quick recap of the five love languages.
• Acts of service: Giving and receiving love through visible, meaningful actions that offer genuine support and help.
• Quality time: Demonstrating love through spending meaningful time together without any outside distractions.
• Gifts: Expressing and feeling love through the giving and receiving of gifts that demonstrate genuine adoration.
• Words of affirmation: The use of genuine, meaningful words to encourage, support, express gratitude, and show love to a partner.
• Physical touch: Showing and expressing love through authentic physical contact such as hand-holding, massaging, or cuddling on the couch.
You can take the quiz here to determine your most prominent love language.
What Is the Acts of Service Love Language?
An act of service is an expression of love and adoration through a physical gesture. This means that those who relate to the acts of service love language feel most loved when someone does something for them. From afar, this might seem a bit high-maintenance and lazy. But, at its core, acts of service are about expressing love through meaningful actions that offer genuine help and support.
For those with this love language, actions speak a lot louder than words. When someone goes out of their way to make your life a little easier, you feel valued. So instead of telling this person, you love them, do something for them that you know they’ll appreciate.
Dating Someone Whose Love Language Is Acts of Service
So, you’ve both taken the quiz, and you’ve discovered that your partner relates to the acts of service love language. What do you do now?
• Make note of the little things: How do they like their cup of coffee? What are their favorite flowers? What have they been meaning to do around the house but haven’t had time to do? Keeping these small details in mind will help to ensure that your gestures are authentic and meaningful.
• Think about what they don’t like doing: Whether it’s cleaning the bathroom, taking the trash out, or walking the dog first thing in the morning, helping them out with things they don’t like doing will show them how much you care.
• Focus on acts of service that are easy to fit into your schedule: For example, having a smoothie ready for them after their workout before they head to the office or packing their lunch while you pack your own.
• Play to your strengths: What’s something you’re great at that your partner struggles with? Maybe it’s fixing the leaky tap, putting a shelf up, or changing the oil in the car. Helping them out with these tasks will offer genuine support.
Dating someone with acts of service isn’t about doing everything for them. It’s about using small pockets of your time to do small things that offer genuine, meaningful support.
Receiving Acts of Service
What if you’re the one who relates to the acts of service love language?
• Communicate this to your partner: Tell them how much it means to you when someone does something meaningful for you.
• Be specific about which actions matter most to you: Your partner’s not a mind reader. Let them know which acts are most important so they can focus on these. Chances are this will change depending on what’s going on in your life.
• Appreciate what they do: When you notice your partner has gone out of their way to do something nice for you, acknowledge it. No one likes to feel taken for granted or used. What we appreciate grows.
• Remember that they might have to say no: There will inevitably be times when your partner cannot perform an act of service for you. This doesn’t mean they love you any less, so try to always remain accommodating and understanding.
Acts of Service Examples: 17 Top Ideas to Try
When it comes to acts of service love language ideas, knowing where to start isn’t always easy. The important thing to remember is that it’s not about the size or scale of the gesture, but the meaningfulness and thought behind it.
To help get you started, we’ve put together a list of 17 of our favorite acts of service examples. Check these out below!
1. Serve them breakfast in bed
2. Let them sleep in while you make the kids breakfast and get them ready for school
3. Spontaneously take them out for dinner after they’ve had a long day at work
12. Pick the kids up from school when they’re having a stressful day at work
13. Surprise them with a romantic, home-cooked dinner
14. Plan a vacation for you to go on together
15. Pickup their favorite snack or sweat treat on your way home
16. Pack away their clothes and suitcase after they’ve been on a work trip
17. Buy them something that you know they’ve wanted for a long time
Understanding the Acts of Service Love Language
You and your partner have the same primary love language, but, likely, you don’t. So, if your partner relates to the acts of service love language, take time to understand this, even when it doesn’t come naturally to you. This is what relationships are all about. Learning to communicate effectively even when you’re coming from different perspectives.
And don’t forget, you can use love languages outside of relationships. Ask your friends, family, kids, and coworkers to complete the quiz so you can give love to each other in more meaningful ways.
Eminem accurately described the feeling of meeting your karmic soulmate in his 2010 song Love The Way You Lie. He talks about falling in love with a person with such a passion that you don’t even realize what you’ve become. The kind of love that makes you forget you ever had a life before meeting this person. It’s almost like fate led you to them, yet it never works out.
I struggled for years with Dan in an on-off relationship that never seemed to sit still. It was only when I began my spiritual journey in Buddhism that I learned about the karmic soul connection. I began to ask myself, “Am I in a karmic relationship? Do I have past life karmic links with Dan? Is that why this relationship is so difficult?” To get more clarity on this, I got in touch with Nishi Ahlawat, astrologer and relationship coach, who helped me understand the dynamics of karmic soulmates.
What Does A Karmic Soulmate Feel Like?
A karmic relationship feels like a complicated idea, but it’s essentially about one’s karma in a relationship and the balance of it. To truly understand this, you need to understand how karma can become part of your relationships in the cycle of life and death. Nishi says, “Karmic relationships are the relationships from your past lives, where you had unresolved issues with some people.” It’s not a clinical term, but its essence is based on spirituality.
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According to ancient Buddhism, karma is a force that transcends time, space, and even life. Consequences from bad karma from a previous birth have to be addressed in a future birth. Bad karma delays you further in the process of life and birth in the mortal world, or Samsara. This is not entirely desirable because happiness in this world is temporary. True happiness, or Nirvana, comes only by turning to God and leaving everything worldly. This is where the karmic soul connection helps souls get rid of bad karma.
It is believed that some souls form a karmic soul contract where they mate for multiple lives. By challenging each other to improve, they resolve issues from previous lives. Due to this, karmic relationships feel constantly intense and charged
This helps them get closer to enlightenment with each life until they break the cycle of birth and death. This creates a high affinity and makes karmic soulmates feel magnetically attracted toward each other
They are meant to help each other receive life lessons so they can become better versions of themselves. Due to this, it can feel exhaustive as they’re going through so much all the time
It resembles a toxic relationship, but the major difference lies in how karmic relationships improve one as a person through the bad experiences
A major difference between other types of soulmates and karmic soulmates is that a soulmate fulfills one’s purpose in that birth, while karmic soulmates advance the soul forward in the journey toward enlightenment across multiple births
Nishi also says, “Whenever we see an emergence of Saturn in one’s chart, there is a possibility that they may end up in a karmic relationship because Saturn is the herald of hard lessons in one’s life.”
How Do You Know If You Have A Karmic Soulmate?
Since we are born countless times until we achieve enlightenment, we get to form karmic connections with a lot of people. Having a karmic connection is not extraordinary. But a karmic soulmate will be an experience you will never forget. So, what are the signs you are in a karmic relationship? Here they are:
1. A karmic relationship feels like a supernatural connection
If you’ve seen Cloud Atlas, you’d have some idea of what I’m talking about. It’s often said that you have an unusual affinity for your karmic soulmates. Since you’ve met them across many lives, it seems like you’ve always known them. You seem to be constantly running into each other, everything reminds you of them. It feels almost supernatural and is difficult to resist, to the point that you consider breaking away from everything that keeps you away from them. Nishi says, “The pull of this telepathic love is so strong, that you may not realize that you are not even romantically attracted to these people.”
It feels as if the whole universe is conspiring to make you two meet
The bond appears so strong that it seems easier to change your whole life for one person, even when you don’t know them well
2. It’s too passionate to explain, but difficult to maintain
This relationship is hyper-dramatic. Both of you will be big on gestures. You will go to lengths to show your love to each other, yet misunderstand every little smile, and do crazy things to attract attention. But any stability will only be temporary. You’ll dismiss the emotional instability as passion, but it’s not healthy.
Your highs and lows are amplified. Your experiences appear to be unmoderated
You’ve broken up and reconnected more times than you can count on one hand
There’s no dearth to your drama. You become that couple everyone in the restaurant stares at
3. There are a lot of red flags
You notice red flags before the relationship even starts. Or the people around you notice them, but you choose to ignore them. You might notice their stalking or controlling behavior or apathy toward your friends who recognize the flags. Your partner may gaslight you by making you question your judgment. If you notice any of this behavior, then these dating red flags should send you running now.
There is a lot of miscommunication. You frequently misunderstand or misinterpret each other’s actions and have to constantly explain yourself, yet the two of you never try to have a heart-to-heart conversation to sort out any brooding issues
You make excuses for your partner, and blame yourself for their abuse
You get isolated from people you’ve known before your relationship
Before karmic soulmates help you become your best version, they bring out the worst in you. When you’re deep in it, you’ll notice that the relationship makes you irrational or illogical. You begin to second-guess yourself. Your self-esteem dips to an all-time low, and you begin to derive your self-worth from your partner rather than from yourself.
Your friends say you’re not the same anymore
You observe failures in places where you could’ve easily excelled
You stop challenging yourself and accept whatever comes your way
5. You feel exhausted
One of the major signs you are in a karmic relationship is that it’s an emotionally exhausting relationship. These bonds always start with a bang. When I started with Dan, everything felt amazing. You don’t seem to need anyone else, and the sex is phenomenal. It’s as if you are two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that could only have worked with each other.
And then it hits rock bottom, and you don’t even know how it started. You start looking over your shoulder, trying to make sure everything is how they like it, and you begin to hide calls from your friends. And this happens so many times that you get exhausted from trying to understand what is not working.
The relationship never works, irrespective of how much effort you put in
You constantly feel tired, sleepless, or moody
You’d rather have them scream at you than try to understand what went wrong
6. It’s difficult to resist them even when you know it’s not worth it
Nishi says, “It’s almost impossible to get away from such a relationship because the pull doesn’t let you leave.” This karmic relationship damages both of you. And despite the damage and exhaustion, it’s difficult to stay away from them.
You may try to understand it logically as a masochistic need or low self-esteem, but it’s almost as if an unbreakable thread ties you together. Remember Jack saying to Ennis in Brokeback Mountain, “I wish I knew how to quit you.”
Everyone can see you’re not good for each other, except you
You hate anyone who points out they aren’t good for you, even when you know it’s true
You want to break up but can’t
7. There may be codependence
Karmic relationships are often imbalanced or skewed. In such relationships, people may cover up or even assist their partner’s addictive or toxic behavior. A sign of a codependent relationship is that it resembles a patient-caregiver dynamic where one supports their partner’s bad behavior to ensure dependency in the relationship. As per a study, the more dependent people believed their partner was on the relationship, the less likely they were to initiate a breakup.
One of you is supporting the other’s addiction or bad habits
You don’t resolve issues healthily, but hoard them to be used later
The difference between a soulmate and a karmic soulmate is their attitude toward one’s partner. Soulmates improve each other. But if you’re in a karmic relationship, there is no desire to improve, either in your partner or yourself. You‘d rather keep the status quo
8. Your relationship is riddled with unpredictability
You have no idea what is going to happen next. Even a casual day when you expected fun could turn sour instantly. And because the good times are so good, even a small rough patch feels like a major heartbreak. It traumatizes you to the point where you’re constantly on tenterhooks and can never relax around them.
You always have half an eye on what they’re doing when they’re with you
You’re constantly on your guard
You over-explain everything, even when it’s not your fault
When Eminem said, “Then we fall back into the same patterns. Same routine,” he perfectly summarized karmic soulmates. You keep making the same mistakes again and again. You know what you need to improve upon, yet you never do it.
You become institutionalized in an abusive relationship
You discourage any talk about your dynamic with friends, even going to lengths to avoid meeting them
Nishi says, “The purpose of these relationships is to learn life lessons. It’s only by breaking the pattern of the flaws that are riddling you, you can clear the karmic soul contract. Once that karmic debt is cleared, the connection ends. This means either a separation or, in rare cases, the death of a partner.”
10. You are never secure
Even though you’ve been together for so long, you’re still worried about the relationship or their fidelity. You are never secure about their attachment to you. Psychologists call this the survival mode. And it can have a long-term impact on you.
You get overly obsessive and jealous, even if that is not in your nature
You just want to shape each other according to your desires without considering how it will affect them individually. It’s as if there’s a competition to see who can dominate more in the relationship
You can’t be at peace with each other
Can A Relationship With A Karmic Partner Work?
Nishi says, “We may have karmic relationships with whoever we are close to. These could be parents, siblings, children, or partners. The reason we connect again with these people from previous lives in this lifetime is to learn life lessons. If we keep failing to learn the lessons across multiple lifetimes, then the relationship turns toxic.”
In the case of karmic couples, it’s difficult for them to realize the nature of their relationship. They feel highly compatible with their partners. This is why when things eventually don’t work out, it feels frustrating. They keep trying, again and again, making the same mistakes. The realization that they need to make changes within themselves for themselves, and not for the sake of sustaining a toxic relationship, happens too late. By that time, they’d given more to the relationship than they’d gained from it.
Nishi says, “I don’t agree that karmic connections never work. There are many hard lessons that they teach us, and if we’re ready to work, these relationships can work. But it’s very difficult toidentify when you’re connecting with someone who is your karmic soulmate. People keep failing to learn from their mistakes and keep falling back into the same pattern.”
A relationship with a karmic soulmate rarely works. It will always be tumultuous, unhappy, and exhausting. The only way a karmic relationship will work is if both partners make a conscious choice to heal themselves instead of trying to patch up the relationship. This can be done by:
Accepting your flaws and trying to work on them. And your flaws are not what your partner says, it’s what is stopping you to be the best version of yourself
Taking accountability for your actions. At the end of the day, you’ve got to stop blaming your partner or your circumstances for your failures
Opening your hearts completely to each other. Communicate whenever you feel overwhelmed
Take the advice you’d give to a friend in a similar situation. If you’re not sure your partner is right for you, or that the relationship is not bringing you emotional security and mental peace, or that they’re slowly leading you away from your goals, it’s better to break away.
Past life karmic links don’t leave you unless you make the effort to learn from your mistakes and work toward becoming a better person. It was difficult for me since my relationship with Dan appeared so perfect during its amazing highs that I would forget the crushing lows. It takes some time to accept the bad nature of your soul ties.
But by that time, your idea of normal is distorted. It becomes easier to accept the toxicity instead of starting afresh. So what can you do when you start asking the question, “Am I in a karmic relationship?”
1. Face the reality
Karmic relationships, unless both partners make an active effort, rarely work. The satisfaction is mostly temporary. Analyze your relationship. Recognize the toxicity surrounding you. Focus on your self-worth. Imagine yourself at your best, and if your relationship is not leading you there, it’s not worth it.
Think of your future. Does it include your partner?
Do you visualize your partner any different from how they are now? If yes, this tells you that you love a projection of your partner, not them
Can you accept them as they are? If not, they’re not the one
Karmic soulmates are meant to teach each other lessons so they can improve. Recognize what your relationship is trying to teach you. It could be trying to stand up for yourself, valuing independence, or healing from previous trauma. Learn the lesson and fulfill the purpose of this relationship.
Analyze what the weakness is that is causing you pain in the relationship
Try to improve upon the weakness
Record your journey in a journal. It helps
3. Create a backup plan
Breaking away from your partner can be difficult, especially if you’re financially dependent on them. If you do not have the means to support yourself financially, you need to create a plan that can take care of you while you get on your feet.
Start investing so you can have some savings in your name
If you’re not married, make sure you have legal ownership of any assets you own jointly
Update your skills, and start investing in skills that will help you get set up
4. Seek support
It’s not easy for everyone to start over, especially in a relationship as intense as this one. So, talk to your friends and family. Create a support system and ask for help whenever needed. People can help if you know how to ask for it.
Communicate your feelings with your friends and family
Ask them if they can help you while you are moving out or if you need a job
Spend more time with them to create a separate life from your karmic soulmate
5. Break free to start a new life
You need a clean break to start a new life. You can’t leave without explaining, hoping that everything will fade away. You need to ensure closure after a breakup, or it can leave residual feelings. It can also lead your partner to misunderstand your actions as a plea for attention. You need to tell them exactly what you want.
It can get messy, but you need to go through it. Unless, of course, they are violent or abusive. In that case, leave the way you see fit and that makes you feel safe.
Don’t be impulsive about your breakup, think it through, and decide upon a date
Once you’ve planned it to the T (where you will stay, what you will do afterward, and how you will take care of your finances), break it to them
Do not be tame with your body language. Show that you want to leave
There may be drama and tears, but hopefully not violence. Be prepared for any eventuality. But do not back away when it’s time to leave
You may feel disposed to guilt-trip them or try to find faults, but you may end up digressing beyond redemption
Key Pointers
Karmic soulmates are trying to resolve their debt from previous lives. They are meant to teach you life lessons
Karmic relationships are often toxic and riddled with red flags
You need to have certain realizations and learn your life lessons to break free
As Nishi says, “Remember, karmic soulmates are about learning your lessons. This relationship is meant for your spiritual healing, and only once you accept that realization, you grow spiritually.” Learn to take responsibility for yourself. If this person is not worthy of you, then take responsibility for your happiness and break free. Break the pattern and focus on long-term happiness
FAQs
1. How long do karmic relationships last?
Karmic relationships may last for many years. But they’re often unhappy and exhausting. People in karmic relationships find it difficult to leave each other, even when they know that the relationship is not working for them.
2. Do karmic relationships come back?
Unless you learn the lesson they’re trying to teach, karmic relationships keep reappearing in different lives. They leave your life only when you decide that you need to change and that it’s time to leave the relationship.
Can karmic soulmates turn into soulmates?
The difference between a soulmate and a karmic soulmate lies primarily in the fact that while the former is meant to stay, the latter leaves as soon as its purpose is fulfilled. However, karmic soulmates can turn into soulmates if both partners decide on an active change.
Stitch continues to reach exciting new milestones daily, yet some of these milestones stand out from the rest. One of the most significant aspects of the Stitch community is that all events and activities seen on Stitch are member-driven. For every event you see on Stitch, a fellow member has taken the time to conceptualize, create, organize and publish an activity for all of you to enjoy.
When such an event breaks attendance records, it’s a significant achievement. These events push the concept forward (often in unexpected ways) and inspire others to follow their lead.
That’s why we thought it was time to shine the spotlight on Stitch Community Champion Richard F from Sydney.
Richard runs the “Young♥️@Hearters” group on Stitch, and at the end of 2022, his Young♥️@Hearters Chrissy Disco Party led to a world-record attendance for a Stitch member event (so far) of 137 members!
The appeal of this event was far-reaching, with members coming together from all corners of Sydney. In fact, on the night, over 90 suburbs were represented. Some travelled more than 100km (60 miles) to be there!
We thought it would be insightful and inspiring to hear from Richard about the event, particularly about what motivated him, how he felt the night went, and his advice for other members considering hosting events.
The Dance Revolution Band turns up the heat, and the crowd turns up the volume!
Stitch: Firstly, how did the night go?
Richard: Extremely well, 137 partying stitchers all having an absolute disco ball!! Naturally, we all had to have a few aperitifs beforehand in the bar, which was just as much fun as the actual band.
How did you come up with the idea?
I knew that I wanted a very special Christmas party for my group. On an earlier harbour cruise, I’d worked with the fantastic ‘Disco Revolution Band’ before, so they were an easy choice. As I’d hosted several events at Club York, I knew it was just the right size and centrally located in Sydney’s CBD. It all gelled beautifully.
The beats were flowing freely and the crowd was in raptures
As a host, how much work and effort went into it?
An enormous amount of work! That’s from working with the band and the venue. Then, a lot of promotion on Stitch, ensuring individuals bought their tickets, and encouraging members to, not only party with us, but also to get fantastically “Dressed-To-The-Nines” in their Chrissy Disco gear. And that’s just the tip of the preverbal iceberg.
How did the Stitch platform help in making this event a success?
Superbly, I’ve been hosting events in Stitch for four years and have seen the site constantly improve as the membership has grown. I’ve always got suggestions for the site’s improvement, of course. But I appreciate all the hard work Andrew and the team at Stitch do for us.
Stitchers stitching up a storm and partying like there’s no tomorrow!
What motivates you to host these events?
I’m a Stitch-A-Holic, and I’m extremely passionate about Andrew’s Stitch vision. I love bringing joy, happiness, friendship and great times to my Sydney Young♥️@Hearters group.
Did you get some personal satisfaction out of hosting this event?
Enormous satisfaction seeing and hearing people have a great time. The whole experience made me so very happy, despite the odd frustration.
What was the feedback you received?
The compliments were overwhelming, both public and in person. However, I’m keen that people know any compliment I get at any time goes straight to my heart, never my head.
Santa Claus came to town, and he made a grand entrance!
What advice would you have for anyone considering hosting an event like this?
Be utterly organised. So often, the actual event is just the tip of the preverbal iceberg I mentioned earlier. There can be a lot of work to these big events, whilst others may require little work organizing. But, you’ll still rightly receive satisfaction.
What do you have planned next?
Well, since the Chrissy party, I’ve already hosted a wonderful Salsa New Year’s Eve, a Boxing Day Evening Harbour Party Cruise for over 50 members, and my Annual Scrummylicious Multicultural Picnic’ for over 70 members. I’m already working on my Christmas Party for 2023, with a few surprises earlier in the year!!
These stitchers aren’t letting age slow them down, partying hard into the night!
Congratulations again, Richard!
All photos in this article are courtesy of Studione.Media, the official photographer for the event.
As much as worry and fear can bring us to our knees sometimes, much of what people get challenged by is not about life changing, catastrophic events but rather the smaller things and the meaning that is made of them. Many suffer unnecessarily when their nervous systems are hijacked by worry and it usually doesn’t serve them well.
Your thinking can get fuzzy and convince you there is reason to panic as it feels like an emergency! If core beliefs developed long ago in your family of origin get caught up into this, it’s even more complicated. For example, consider how failure for someone who is perfectionistic and operates under the belief that they have to do things perfectly could impact them. Worries such as these can feel overwhelming because there is a lot at stake for us emotionally.
Here are some other examples of worries involving self-esteem:
“I’m worried about meeting this group of respectable people in my field. What if I don’t measure up?”
“I’m worried about my blind date tonight. What if he/she doesn’t like me?”
“I’m worried about my presentation at work tomorrow. What if I fall apart?”
If you allow this type of worry to consume you, it is not only distressing but can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy if you behave as if it’s already true.
If you aren’t particularly vulnerable to the above type of worries, you may still find yourself suffering unnecessarily with the “small stuff” type of worries. These are the situations where at the end of the day, does it really, truly matter? And in some of these situations you may actually have zero control over them yet you still get physiologically activated and panicked.
What if there is traffic?
What if it rains?
What if there is no parking?
What if the game is cancelled?
Here are 6 ways to stop worrying:
Stop getting ahead of yourself. If you live as if the future has already happened you are having an emotional reaction (worry) to something that hasn’t happened yet. Practice staying in the moment by trying this:
Focus on an object in the room with you. Notice it in a way you never have before. What color is it? What shape is it? Is it possibly more beautiful than you realized? Breathe slowly.
Put your hand over your heart. If you are worried, stressed or fearful, it’s likely your fight or flight system is activated and your cortisol levels are elevated. Oxytocin is an antidote to the stress hormone, cortisol. Many people can release it themselves.
Place your hand over your heart, close your eyes and imagine someone you feel completely safe with. A beloved pet will work too. As you remember feeling loved, sit with this feeling for at least 30 seconds. Notice the calm.
Practice self acceptance. Because worry can orbit around an unsure sense of self, it’s important to try shifting your self concept from negative to positive.
Decide on an affirmation for yourself (ex: I am lovable, I will be ok, etc). Every day, either say this affirmation aloud or in your head to help integrate this belief into your heart and mind.
Reframe your worry. Remember that your perceptions drive your worry. You are the only one who can assign your meaning to things. If you assign worry to a lot of things try to practice reframing it to something more productive.
Consider something you often worry about. Is there another way you can see this situation? What is the worst thing that can happen if your worry is true. Is it the end of the world? Is there a solution or fix? Pick your worry battles.
Find a trusted sounding board. A friend can be called upon to help clarify your thinking. Get someone on your team, explain what you’re working on and how they can help. When you find yourself worrying, call on them to help you process.
Identify what keeps you stuck – and work on it. If you’ve tried the above suggestions and are not finding relief, a therapist can help you get unstuck. There may be prior experiences in your family of origin that explains why it’s more challenging for you. If going to therapy not an option for whatever reason, try my guide Family of Origin: Untangle Your Unhealthy Roots to help identify, understand and resolve relevant emotional wounds on your own.
Worry and fear are all valid human emotions. But living in a chronic or easily triggered state of either of them can lead to unnecessary suffering. Learning not to sweat the small stuff is a hallmark of resilience and guaranteed improvement in your emotional health as a whole.
Lastly, keep in mind that worry and fear can morph into clinical anxiety which if persistent enough may need additional resources for relief. The above exercises can help but if not sufficient, find a therapist for the support you need.
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If you are a resident of California needing help managing your worry, learn about my Marin Therapy practice. If you are outside of the state, the Psychology Today Therapist Directory is a good resource.
I hear it often in my work with couples. Two people on the brink of divorce, not because of abuse or infidelity, but because the relationship no longer makes them happy. As they describe, the excitement, curiosity, and fun they experienced at the beginning of their relationship are no longer there. Wedding vows may say, ‘till death us do part,’ but for many those words have lost their meaning.
The reality is that culture has changed and the beliefs we carry about marriage often mirror those changes. Truth today is seen as relative, feelings fuel our experience, and a consumer-driven mindset fosters more transactional attitudes toward relationships.
Instead of understanding God’s true purpose for marriage, we routinely view marriage based on what another person can do for us, what they can give us, and ultimately, how they make us feel about ourselves.
Bottom line: If happiness is your primary expectation of marriage, you will most likely find yourself disillusioned and disappointed.
Why Did God Design Marriage?
We must understand God’s design for us as individuals if we are to understand His design for marriage. While many Believers have a superficial notion of God as a ‘genie-in-the-bottle’ whose primary function is to make us happy, the Bible is clear that His design for His children is to make us holy (ie: sanctified, conformed to His image,) not happy. 1 Pet 1:15-16
A.W. Tozer describes, “No man should desire to be happy who is not at the same time holy. He should spend his efforts in seeking to know and do the will of God, leaving to Christ the matter of how happy he should be.”
Tim Keller, pastor, author, and theologian, defines marriage as, “…a lifelong, monogamous relationship between and man and a woman. According to the Bible, God devised marriage to reflect the saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human community for the birth and nurture of children, and to accomplish all this by bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole life union.”
Henri Nouwen states, “… marriage is foremost a vocation. Two people are called together to fulfill a mission that God has given them. Marriage is a spiritual reality. That is to say, a man and a woman come together for life, not just because they experience deep love for each other, but because they believe that God loves each of them with an infinite love and has called them to each other to be living witnesses of that love. To love is to embody God’s infinite love in a faithful communion with another human being.
Marriage is one of our greatest teachers because at its heart marriage surfaces the reality of who we are, what we expect, and how we engage others. No other relationship is as revealing and potentially transformative as the relationship with the one we have committed to permanently and intimately share our lives.
In a HuffPost article, author and speaker, Tyler Ward, concludes that marriage is about personal reformation. He describes, Although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow. The job of marriage is to refine our dysfunction and spur us into progressive wholeness.
Bottom line: The less you view your spouse as your savior and more as your companion on this journey of life, the more likely you are to pursue your own healing and growth. This will lead to cultivating more realistic expectations for your marriage, ultimately yielding greater stability, peace, and yes, happiness.
What Does the Bible Say about an Unhappy Marriage?
It is important to distinguish between an unhappy marriage and a toxic/destructive marriage. For those who have experienced any kind of unrepentant adultery, abandonment, or repeated physical/emotional/verbal/sexual abuse, this article is NOT for you. In most unhappy marriages the issues are miscommunication, finances, unmet expectations, etc. Abuse of any kind is not acceptable in God’s design for mutual submission as couples grow together in Him.
Regarding marriage, Malachi 2: 15-16 (NIV) says, Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring.So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. ‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.
Biblically speaking, spouses don’t have the right to simply dissolve an unhappy marriage. God intended that marriage be for a lifetime.
Ephesians 5 describes marriage as a metaphor for our relationship with God. He is not capricious in His affections toward us, nor does His love depend on favorable circumstances. His relationship with us is solely based on His covenant with us. God wants us to remain faithful to our vows because He knows broken hearts, broken marriages, and broken homes can be redeemed for His ultimate glory.
Does this mean that God wants us to remain in an unhappy marriage? No. What He wants is for each of us to use our pain, our sorrow and disappointment, our loneliness and anger, as an invitation to pursue His healing. He wants us to understand what health looks like in our marriage—healthy expectations, communication, boundaries, and conflict resolution— so that we can experience transformation right where we are, rather than waiting to discover it in a new relationship.
Bottom line: An unhappy marriage should be an indicator that there are things God wants to address in our lives and in our marriages, so that we can pursue healing and wholeness in every area of our lives. God wants us to recognize issues within our marriage as they arise, be willing to address them, and work together towards personal and relational growth. If we do, we will continue growing together allowing us to develop greater connection, strength, and intimacy in our marriage.
1. Are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling increasingly present in your marriage?
2. Do you often feel you have little to say to each other?
3. Do you fantasize about a future without your partner?
4. Do you and your spouse live separate lives?
5. Is there a lack of sex or physical affection in your marriage?
6. Do you often feel disconnected from your mate?
7. Is it easier to focus on everything else but the relationship?
8. Do you talk to your friends more than your spouse?
If you answered yes to one or more of these, chances are high that you are living in an unhappy marriage.
Does God Want You to Stay in an Unhappy Marriage?
Let me be clear, God does not want anyone to stay in an environment where they are not safe —physically or emotionally. Period. Yet too many couples who feel dissatisfied or unhappy in their marriages often miss the blessing God has for them and their children by leaving too quickly or not getting the help they need to adequately resolve their issues.
6 Ways You Can Begin to Reclaim Your Marriage
1. Stop blaming your spouse for your unhappiness. No one is responsible for your happiness but you. If you find yourself experiencing a lack of joy, personal fulfillment, or satisfaction in your marriage, do a personal inventory to assess the greatest areas of dissatisfaction as well as the causes for the dissatisfaction.
2. Pray. Ask God to reveal the areas of your heart that need His healing. Ask Him to show you the things for which you own responsibility. Ask Him to make clear the ways in which He wants you to grow, the things He desires you to learn to become more like Him.
3. Find specific ways you can pursue the healing to which God is calling you. Reach out to a trusted Christian therapist in your area that can help you heal areas of brokenness, cultivate new patterns, new skills, new ways of being that can transform both you and your marriage.
4. Stop looking at your mate as the villain in your life. Begin to see them as your friend. View them as honest, yet broken. Offer compassion to them on their healing journey. Pray for them. Make a list of qualities or behaviors you admire in them.Focus on these. Remind yourself of these attributes throughout the day.
5. Find ways to affirm your spouse. Instead of verbalizing criticism or contempt for what they don’t do, let them know what they do get right. Speak to them your appreciation. Find ways you can bless them —freely, without expectation.
6. Pray over your spouse and your marriage daily. Pray for protection from the enemy. Pray for each of you on your respective journeys. Pray for safety, vulnerability, and skills to work through the issues that are sure to arise in your marriage. Pray for wisdom and humility to reach out for counseling to help you heal and grow together.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him.You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours.Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord.
Prayer for a Happy Marriage
Dear Abba Father, I long to know your healing in every area of my heart and in my marriage. Father, let my unhappiness point me to You, Your healing, Your purpose for my life. Show me areas of brokenness from my past that need to be healed so that I can walk in wholeness and freedom. Show me the expectations that You want me to have for my spouse and my marriage. Help me to learn better ways of communicating and of resolving conflict with my spouse. Reveal to me the ways I have failed my marriage and teach me how to both ask for forgiveness and offer it freely so that I can learn to love my partner well. Rekindle respect, trust, admiration, and love for my spouse and draw us together into a deeper connection and intimacy with You. Help me always keep my expectation on You so that I can glorify you in my heart and in marriage. Amen.
Lisa Murray is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Jesus girl, and a recovering perfectionist. Her passion is to encourage and empower individuals—whether in their hearts, their marriages, or their faith—to cultivate healing and wholeness that will awaken a heart of peace. Her book, Peace For A Lifetime, is available on Amazon. She writes weekly at LisaMurrayOnline.com. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Do you pray for your spouse? Specifically and with purpose and intent? Or are your prayers more of a “help ______ today be the person I need them to be”? Hmm. How often do we, without paying attention, customize our prayers for our spouse to benefit ourselves? Or how often do we pray for our spouse and their weaknesses in order to get them repaired to a place where we can love them more easily?
What constitutes powerful prayer for your marriage? Considering prayer is as powerful as a two-edged sword, it’s probably wise to step back and carefully choose our words, investigate the intent of our heart, and consider how we can pray for the health and well-being of this sanctified relationship into which we entered.
There are nine specific attitudes of prayer you can pray for your marriage and your spouse. All of them are based on the fruits of the spirit. If we foster these in prayer and our lives, it will be curious to see how they improve our marriages.
When you start your journey as a college student, there are definitely a lot of feelings you will be experiencing. Being excited for your new stage of life is a great feeling, and as a student going to college, this should definitely be a concept you are aiming to achieve.
However, there is no doubt that being a college student can be very demanding at the same time. There are usually a lot of tasks you have to complete, with not much time to do them, which can often lead to students feeling unproductive or not getting enough done.
This does not always have to be the case, however. Although you likely cannot create more time for yourself, there are many ways in which you can be more productive with the time that is available to you. If you want to know how to make this possible for yourself, then consider some of the following points.
Make Sure To Sleep Well
You are not going to be able to get much done if you do not have the energy to do the tasks at hand, and the best way to boost your energy levels is to get enough sleep. When you are only sleeping for a couple of hours a night, you are not going to have the energy to do multiple tasks the next day. Therefore, you need to prioritize your sleep in order to feel as well rested as possible. Having this extra energy will allow you to get more done, and without it feeling as demanding as when you are overtired. Getting into a good sleep cycle is not difficult, and it is a process you can start right away.
Don’t Leave Deadlines Until the Last Minute
It is not a secret that there are a lot of college students who get into the habit of leaving deadlines until the last minute, and although this might seem like a good way in which to free up more time, it is going to leave you feeling very stressed. It also means that your work may end up being rushed, which means that the quality of said assignments may drop also. To avoid this situation, set enough time well in advance for you to do your college work. This means you have more time to work on it, and you will get it done with a better mindset.
Make Time for Activities You Love
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Being more productive is not all about getting chores and tasks done. In order to have a productive lifestyle, you need to make sure that you also do the activites that you love. Making time for your own enjoyment is just as important as getting your tasks done, even if this means setting aside half an hour to do some online gaming with free poker chips no deposit required, for example. It doesn’t matter what the activity is; keeping happy and enjoying your life is going to make you more productive in the long run.
Doing the activities, you love after being productive is also going to make it feel more rewarding when you get that chance to sit down and have fun.
A huge part of having a good college life is to meet new people and build relationships. It is important that when you are in college, you make time for these social occasions, as when you are not talking to others, this can have a negative impact on your mental health and could lead to motivation problems. Talking to the right people can give you positive energy that can help you get more done during the day. Even if this involves just reaching out to someone to meet for coffee, this is a step towards increased productivity.
Stick to a Schedule
Getting organized is one of the best ways in which you are going to be able to maximize your productivity. An incredibly good way to do this is to have a schedule and then stick to it. Every Sunday or Monday, you could sit down and look at the week you have ahead. See where you have to be at what time, what tasks you have to do, and identify where you can fit in time for your own enjoyment. This means you don’t have to feel bad about relaxing at the wrong times or be worried in regards to missing out on an important deadline or activity.
Look After Your Physical Health
As mentioned above, it is important that you are able to keep your mental health in check while you are studying in college. However, you should also be putting a lot of time and effort into your physical health too. Establishing good habits including having a healthy diet and being physically active, will help to keep your energy levels high, meaning your brain is going to be able to work harder for longer, and you will get more done. Taking the time to break up your work with some physical exercise will be very beneficial and is a good way to distance your mind from your chores, which is also good for your mental health.
Have Supporting Friends
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The people that you involve in your life are going to be very influential to you, so you want to try and make sure that you have supportive friends around you. Having a group of friends who all motivate and encourage one another is going to lead to a lot of success between you all. This is why it is going to be important for you to give them support, just as you would want them to give it to you.
You are certainly going to improve your productivity levels in college by choosing a course that you will enjoy. A lot of people pick college courses for the wrong reasons, and the truth is, if you are not interested in your course, then you will not be able to motivate yourself to put in your best work over the duration of your college experience.
A third way white lies can spin out of control is by the fact that you are constantly sinning against God when you are telling white lies. Every sin we commit goes against God. We may think a small sin is not aimed at God, yet all sin is aimed at God, and it hurts Him. As white lies begin to spin out of control, we know it can be due to the fact of the individual constantly sinning against God. Lying is not good, and it goes against everything we know in the Bible. We need to be truthful and honest in our dealing with others.
Rationalism has caused us to think our sin is “no big deal,” when in truth, it is the worst thing we can do. Instead of following God’s teaching by repenting and sinning no more, as believers, we continue to sin against God, and we hurt Him in the process. Our white lies can start spinning out of control in this way, and sadly, we can become calloused to the Holy Spirit’s conviction if we continue to sin despite His efforts to stop us. We need to acknowledge this if we are in a state of being untouched by the conviction of the Holy Spirit due to our persistent sin. If we have found we are insensitive to His gentle guidance, then we need to go to God in prayer, ask for forgiveness, and ask for the conviction of the Holy Spirit to return.
Make an effort today to clear up any white lies and to come clean about them. While it might be difficult and hurt others to know the truth, it is better to tell the truth than to let the lie keep going. White lies are not harmless, and the longer you let them remain and add onto them, the worse they will become. Choose to be truthful and honest. Follow God and ask Him to help you obey Him faithfully.
God is faithful and full of grace. If you ask Him for forgiveness, He will forgive you. However, don’t expect others to forgive you when you come clean about any white lies in your life because your lies may have severely hurt that person. Instead, choose to respect their decision and do your best to make it right. Sometimes the only thing you can do to make it right is to confess, apologize, and remain out of their lives. While this can be hurtful, we need to know that we do have to deal with the consequences of our sins.
These two are the epitome of what not to do in a marriage. King Ahab followed his father’s footsteps in doing “evil in the sight of the Lord.” (1 Kings 16:30)
Ahab marries Jezebel, the daughter of Ethbaal, king of the Sidonians.
Ahab and Jezebel worship Baal and build an altar for him. “Ahab did more to provoke the Lord, the God of Israel, to anger than all the kings of Israel who were before him.” (1 Kings 16:33)
Their worshiping of idols confused the people of Israel on who to worship, God or the idols.
Jezebel adds murder to her list of sins by persecuting followers of the Lord and murdering His prophets. Thankfully, Obadiah saved one hundred prophets.
Elijah confronts Ahab, challenging him to abandon the commandments of the Lord, and tells him to meet on Mount Carmel to see whose God is real. The Baal followers build a fire, cut up a bull, and wait for Baal to bring the flames. Of course, no fire comes.
Elijah mocks them, builds an altar with twelve stones, puts a bull on top, adds water, and calls upon the Lord. The Lord responds by sending fire and consuming the burnt offering, the wood, stones, dust, and water. Elijah has the prophets of Baal killed, which doesn’t bode well with Jezebel when she finds out. She threatens to kill Elijah.
Next, you have Naboth’s vineyard situation. Ahab covets (never a good habit) Naboth’s vineyard and tries to buy the land, but Naboth will not sell his father’s land. Ahab comes home sulking because he did not get his way. Jezebel doesn’t like seeing her husband pouting and forges letters on Ahab’s behalf, arranging for Naboth to be murdered.
Ahab and Jezebel break most of the ten commandments. They spend most of their life not worshiping the Lord. Ahab is spared when he humbles himself before the Lord, but disaster still comes upon his house.
In addition to their obvious larger sins, the learning for us today is to support our spouses and attempt to keep them from sinning. We want to encourage them in the Lord’s ways. Jezebel has sneaky, manipulative ways to her actions. We want to be honest and work together with our spouses, preventing each other from sinning.
Do you forget to pray for your marriage? For your spouse? Sometimes we are so caught up in the prayers for our children and family, for church family and friends, for missions and ministries, and even for world conditions, that we take the construct of our closest covenant for granted.
Knowing what to pray can sometimes be a challenge. If communication is good between you and your spouse, you likely have a good idea of what areas they are struggling in, need encouragement in, and so forth. But there’s more to marital prayers than just praying for our spouse. It’s also praying for the marriage itself.
The very essence of marriage at its core is being attacked regularly from various directions. We don’t need to spell out the statistics, but it shouldn’t be surprising that over half of marriages end in divorce. Whether finances, infidelity, differences, or what-have-you play a part, moving apart from each other is a condition no marriage is secure from.
Consider the various areas your marriage can take a hit, and keep in mind that just because it may not have been attacked in that region recently doesn’t mean one isn’t coming. Marriage is meant to be a picture—a reflection—of our relationship with the Lord. So it is logical to conclude that its sanctity will not go unscathed by challenges, temptations, and warfare.
This being said, it’s wise to spend time in prayer for your marriage. Protection over the vows that were spoken. A securing of fortress around the home you have created together.
Here are ten simple but powerful prayers that you can use to bring your marriage before the Lord in offense for battles to come and in defense for battles currently being fought.
April from Austin asks, “You’re always talking about ‘doing the work’; what does that mean? Also, dealing with ‘inner child work,’ does this mean getting a therapist?”
Lance wonders, “When does inner child work end? And how do we know when it’s finished?” Tune in for another Ask Me Anything episode where Jayson answers listener questions.
Traveling is a unique way to explore the world. You can travel for business engagements in other cities or countries, but it can get boring and lonely if you don’t have company. Hanging out with someone with the same interest will help you make the most of your travel experience. Better yet, you still get to have company and fun moments together.
If you don’t have a partner or someone to share the experience with, fret not! You can hire an escort for your travels. The goal is to ensure you find one with the same interests. This way, you can make the best of your travel experience.
Here are some fantastic perks of hiring an escort during your travels:
1. High Levels Of Professionalism
According to top escorts in California, finding the most elite escorts can significantly influence your travel experience. You need high levels of professionalism, especially if you’re looking to take your companion to formal meetings. You won’t shy from introducing your escort to your friends. You’ll need someone to engage in candid conversation, meaning it’s best if your companion shares some interest with you. This way, you can have a great time conversing and exploring together.
That said, working with a reputable company for such services is essential. Typically, the hiring company asks for information on your interest so they can assign you a relevant escort. Elaborate your travel demands so they can find a suitable companion.
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Additionally, most escort agencies have a website with detailed profiles of each escort. You can choose your companion based on their physical attributes, hobbies, and interests. Remember, the more invested you’re in someone, the easier it is to forge connectivity.
2. Excellent For Public Events
Going to public events can alleviate your travel experience. For instance, you may travel as a group, and all the group members bring their partners. It’d be boring if you were alone so having a companion would be nice.
Hiring an escort could be a viable option. After all, you want a close friend to share vacation stories with. However, specify your terms to get the most out of it. Imagine if it was a hiking trip and your escort doesn’t enjoy such escapades; you’ll spend most of the time alone, which you were avoiding in the first place. So, ensure you specify the nature of the travel plans to find the most suitable escort.
Perhaps the goal of your travel plans is to learn the culture of a place. It includes learning a different language. You’d want to hire an escort from your destination. They’ll help you polish your communication skills.
Alternatively, an escort would be an excellent icebreaker if you often have trouble starting conversations with strangers. Perhaps you’re naturally shy or lack the confidence to start a conversation. An escort can significantly help you work on your communication skills. They’re trained and experienced in matters of making a conversation engaging.
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An escort can also help you enhance your confidence when relating with girls. You might have wanted to get a girlfriend but don’t know exactly how to start. Hiring an escort can help you learn how to approach girls and converse with them.
Traveling is more fun with a company if you intend to stay for a week or a month. Again, doing all the daily activities alone could ruin your experience. Some of the engagements can get lonely. For instance, you’d not make the most of your trip if you lay alone by the beach. With good company, you’d be encouraged to take on the waves and enjoy beach walks in the evening.
Alternatively, you’d also want some good time in bed. However, you’ll need to discuss that before the travel plans. Some escorts are open to sexual intercourse with their clients while others aren’t. To avoid disappointment, you should discuss that with the agency. Again, a quick scan of the agency’s services will give you a rough idea of what services to expect.
Traveling can spike off some sexual desires. You’d also want to try sexual fantasies with a stranger before practicing them with your partner. If you want to explore your sexual fantasies professionally, hiring an escort is an excellent option.
The other option would be pairing up with a prostitute. Prostitution isn’t legal in some countries. If you’re visiting a foreign land, it’s best to play by the rules of the land. Otherwise, you might incur some hefty penalties if you get caught.
Note that you’ll be charged extra for such services. Again, not all escorts are open to exploring sexual fantasies with their travel clients. Thus, you must have mutual consent before trying on the fantasies. Also, it’s good to determine the agency’s policy on such matters.
Conclusion
One of the reasons for traveling is to learn new things and take a break from the usual routine. With that in mind, you don’t have to spend your travel time alone. If you don’t have a partner, you can hire an escort.
However, ensure you’re compatible—it becomes easier to have fun together. You also need to contact reputable travel agencies to get the best escorts. On the same note, ensure you specify your travel needs to avoid disappointments.
This way, your travel experience will be fun-filled. Consider the ideas mentioned here as you plan and prepare.
If you’ve undergone anything close to the scenarios below, we can understand why you’re currently wondering how to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad. You were out of the city for a work trip and returned home to your boyfriend and his coworker, with champagne and pasta adorned on your dining table — he has never made that effort with you. Or one fine day, you borrowed his phone to make a call, and saw his call log list cluttered with the contact of a woman you’ve never heard of before.
You’re infuriated and thinking of making your boyfriend feel bad for hurting you. Regardless of whether you stay in his life or not, you desperately want to make him realize your importance and understand that hurting you in that manner was uncalled for. But while you might feel inclined to play dirty games, effective communication is what will make him realize the gravity of his blunder.
Clinical psychologist Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Manchester University), founder of Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, who specializes in couple’s counseling and family therapy, can help you figure out how to navigate confronting your boyfriend and make him understand your value. As for playing petty games to make your cheating boyfriend feel guilty, your friends can help you with that.
11 Ways To Make A Cheating Boyfriend Feel Bad
Wondering what to say to a cheating boyfriend to make him feel bad for what he did? It’s time to peruse through a list of things that you can say or do to get your boyfriend to understand he hurt you. According to research, guilt can indeed make someone want to amend their wrongdoings, or do something to compensate for the same and soften the blow. Guilt is not a nice feeling at all, and one is quickly inclined to do something about repairing the problem.
“Majority of those who cheat feel a sense of remorse about what they have done even though they do not admit to it. The problem always lies in expressing that they feel guilty about this behavior. There is a very small percentage of people in the world who actually do not feel any cheating guilt over their actions but they usually have some kind of a personality disorder,” Devaleena explains.
Depending on whether he understands or how well he takes it, you can take a call on whether you want him in your life or not. Here is your guide on how to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad.
1. Show your disappointment to him
You’re heartbroken, yes, and that is the obvious feeling. But if you show your boyfriend how disappointed you are in his actions, it will really drive the point home. Convey to him that feeling displaced by him is not the only problem. The bigger problem is that he disrespected your relationship and stooped so low. Saying “I expected better from you” or “Your actions have been extremely disappointing” have a greater impact than you think.
Make him understand: To make a cheating boyfriend regret what he has done to you, he needs to understand that his actions were not mere mistakes, that they have toppled the very foundation of everything you have built for so long. He needs to be able to see what his one fling or guilty pleasure has cost you both
Say it in I-sentences: To make him understand his fault, talk about how this is affecting you and making you feel. Instead of placing blame and saying “You did this to me” or “You hurt me”, say “I am feeling hurt” or “I feel abandoned/unimportant in this relationship”
Actually, be one. You have every right to be. Just do not let him see it. The more you call him and cry, the more he might want to detach from the mess he has created. Cry to your friends in private, take a trip back home to see your mom if you need to — but try your best to not let him see your weak side.
When you hold yourself together in front of him, your maturity shines through which is a major part of making him miss you. The more graceful you are, the worse he will feel about what he has done and the more he’ll want to make things right with you again.
3. Don’t give in or say “I understand”
When you confront him, he’s going to apologize profusely and come up with a million reasons for why he was seeing someone else. That whole charade will last for a while, but your trust may be broken forever. It’s possible that he does love and care for you deeply, but things will perhaps never be the same anymore, because you’re convinced that he does not value you.
Hazel, a 25-year-old car mechanic, shares, “When I was cheated on, I almost had a weak moment where I said, “I understand why you did what you did.” I’m not saying that cheaters are unforgivable and there are plenty of rationalizations about why cheaters cheat. However, I knew it was not yet time to let him off the hook.”
Until he proves himself to you over the next few months, you cannot forgive him
Stay strong. Hold your head as high as you can and do not back down
Make it clear to him that your respect has been compromised: Let him know that you respect yourself far too much and that developing respect in your relationship is going to take some more time. That is the primary way to make him realize your importance
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4. Try not to make it all about the person he cheated with
If you want to make a cheating boyfriend regret his actions, you need to center the conversation around him and not the person he cheated on you with. Stop asking questions about the person you caught him with or comment on their character. Remember, this is more about what he has done rather than who the third person is.
Yes, we know that hearing that person’s name or picturing their face makes you red and you want to show your anger to them both, but know that it will be of no use. The more you fixate on the other person, the worse you are going to feel. So navigate the conversation around how your boyfriend has hurt you instead of calling them names.
To handle a lying and cheating boyfriend, you actually need to stay as calm as you can be. The more furious you get, the uglier things will become. Here’s exactly what you need to do.
Don’t abuse him: If all you do is express your anger to him and abuse him, it might not help him actually see what he has done and further cause a rift between you two
Stay mature: If you really want him to understand the depth of the problem he has caused, you’re going to have to do it in a way that you at least seem composed
Be straightforward: Try to put out the fire raging inside you, and express your feelings in clean, clear terms. Try not to say hurtful things
6. Make him walk a mile in your shoes
What to say to a cheating boyfriend to make him feel bad? While talking to him, expressing things in proper terms is a must. Use words such as “You made me feel” or “I felt” or “It affected me” to keep the conversation steady and healthy.
But additionally, you should also speak in a manner that reverses the roles and puts him in your position: “Imagine if I had done what you did …” Do it emphatically, and make him see your point of view. This will help him understand the suffering that infidelity inflicts upon couples who have supported and loved each other for so long.
7. Realize your own value first
You might try everything to make a cheating boyfriend feel jealous and go crazy. Upload photos with new men, tell him about some kind of a rebound relationship, or even drunk call him telling him how much you hate him — but really, none of these frivolous things work. Until you don’t reach a point where you value yourself far more than this situation, you will keep indulging in these tactics to make your cheating boyfriend suffer, which may not actually help him realize how much he has hurt you.
“The trick is to realize your own importance. Once you feel you are important enough, you will be in a much better place to make decisions about your future with him and how you should handle this entire situation,” says Devaleena.
8. Focus on your own healing
How to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad is not just about the things you can say to him. It is also about the way you make him feel. When he sees you thriving and living your best life, nothing else can make your cheating boyfriend suffer more than that.
Live your best life: Go to yoga retreats, get a pet dog, start working on launching that bar you’d always wanted to open, do it all
Think better: Let him know that you are committed to doing away with the negative thoughts, and are eager to evolve as a person emotionally and are focussing on self-love
Minimize contact: Maybe putting yourself in a better headspace will also allow you to see things a lot more clearly and help you arrive at a decision about your future with him. Take this time to think only about what you need
“Being cheated upon is extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes you may see the person committing a genuine mistake but know in your heart that they have always cared about you. His regret might not absolve him from anything, but when you practice forgiveness, you do create hope for a long-term relationship which can be successful. But it depends on you, on whether you want to take that chance or not,” Devaleena suggests.
11 ways to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad
9. Walk away from him for some time
Devaleena says, “The only way to get your boyfriend to understand he hurt you is by spelling it out to him. But after this, you should try the no-contact rule and avoid talking to him or seeing him. This phase is required for a person to think deeply and realize what they have done. This detachment is essential for him to see that you should not be taken for granted.”
Give him some time and space to allow him to ruminate over what he has done. Yes, he may still be posting Instagram stories of himself enjoying a trip in Cancun with his friends, but trust us when we tell you that he is miserable and wondering why you’re not reaching out to him constantly. If you want to make your cheating boyfriend suffer a bit, walk right out of his life.
This will drive him crazy. Say, you’ve blocked him on all social media accounts and do not take his calls anymore. He might try to get in touch with you through a friend or by ambushing you at work or your place. But here’s the part where you have to stay super strong and strictly follow the no contact rule.
Gavin, a 27-year-old career counselor, shares what he did after his boyfriend cheated on him, “Come what may, you cannot let him into your life for some time. Fix a stipulated time period where you will not revert his calls and messages or let him into your house. Make your house and mind a fortress and don’t give him the chance to make his way to you.” How to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad about what he has done to you is about letting him feel the impact of how he has shattered your trust.
11. Don’t indulge in revenge cheating
Thoughts such as “I want to see my boyfriend beg after cheating on me” can drive you to commit actions such as revenge cheating. But here is what you should know. Though you’re hurt after being betrayed by the man you love, revenge cheating is something that can and will get the better of you. You have to do better than that and hold yourself together.
It will make you suffer more: You might think this is a great way to make your cheating boyfriend suffer, but in the end, you will end up suffering the most
Seek validation in healthier ways: Go to a speed dating event to get out there, take a trip with your friends, join a salsa class to feel sexier
Do not try to get his attention: Sending rude messages to him or relaying incorrect information that you know will upset him through your friends — in your distressed state of mind, you might consider these the best ways to handle a lying, cheating boyfriend. But that will only make you two end up in a cat-and-mouse chase, simply running around in circles and messing with each other
Key Pointers
Express your disappointment to him in clear, concise terms instead of going on long, angry rants
When he keeps apologizing to you, do not give in too easily. Be willing to forgive, if you want to be, but not so soon
Create some distance between you two for a while and get some space from him. Block him on all socials too to preserve your peace of mind
Focus on building back your self-worth as cheating can take a toll on one’s image of oneself
While thinking about how to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad, try not to get into rebound relationships or date someone else, just to take revenge on him. This will only regress your own healing
How to make a cheating boyfriend feel bad? In a nutshell, to make this man feel terrible about his actions, you need to clearly indicate how he has made you feel instead of sounding desperate. He will understand you eventually. Try not to adopt the messier routes of revenge cheating, drunk texts, or blame shifting.
Ultimately, don’t waste too much of your time in thinking of ways to make your cheating boyfriend feel guilty for what he did. It’s not worth it. His understanding of his errors might not heal your pain; that’s something you’ll have to do on your own. So focus real hard to rest yourself and heal from the situation to emerge healthier than before.
FAQs
1. Can cheating ruin a relationship?
It absolutely can. Cheating is something that instantly makes couples break up with each other and is something most people don’t heal from. One may even carry the scars from being cheated on into their next relationship, which can make them afraid to trust or be vulnerable with a new person.
2. What to say to a boyfriend who hurt you?
Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt. Make it clear to him that he was wrong in cheating on you, in every aspect. Tell him that he has been disrespectful of you and the relationship and that you are aware of how much better you deserve.
When thinking of the probability of success, we consider capability, intelligence, dedication, but the one factor we tend to miss is timing. The best thing can go badly if its timing is incorrect.
We have curated 10 timing is everything quotes to help you value the significance of timing.
“Happy Anniversary!” the family chorused around the dinner table in the elegant dining room of the cruise ship. Gene and I celebrated 40 years of being married. But unlike the calm waters on the cruise, many years in our marriage were rough because of the storms that buffeted our relationship. In fact, many times we came close to the shipwreck of divorce.
But to grant us a little grace, I’ll relate only five of them. We faced them in various seasons of our marriage, in different forms and even when we least expected.
1. We expect our spouse to meet all of our needs.
The first one happened at the very beginning. Dressed in pure white, I took slow steps down the church aisle. A rhythmic melody played on the piano while all eyes were on me. I reached my husband-to-be at the altar and we pronounced our vows. I said, “I do” to the familiar wedding commitment. But in my 23-year-old heart what I really said was “I do… I do expect this man to make me happy, to nurture me, to make me whole, to fill the void in my heart. I do anticipate being the center of his life. And I do expect my life to be happier than when I was single.”
What I didn’t expect was that he too, at 23, had his own expectations. His own needs, desires and hopes. And to my shock, he expected me to fulfill them.
As a result, in our small apartment furnished with a red, brown and orange couch and shag carpeting, conflict visited often. Blame and episodes of animosity marked with harsh words moved in with us.
Only months after that day where folks lifted their champagne glasses toasting to our happiness, we realized neither one of us could provide even a slight resemblance to the storybook “happily ever after.”
Going our separate ways seemed a liberating solution.
2. We fail to prioritize sexual intimacy.
The second temptation to give up came around our seventh anniversary. By then we had three little boys under the age of five. Life had changed. It became more hectic and sleepless nights multiplied with each child. Although they brought deep joy, their care zapped all my energy.
Nights were long with little sleep. Days were short because of my endless tasks. And my heart was empty of fulfillment.
As a result, sexual intimacy was at the bottom of priorities. Gene didn’t seem to understand.
Why couldn’t he see my sacrifice to the family? How could he demand more of me? He should be happy that I manage to care for all the family’s needs. But he wasn’t grateful. He became resentful instead.
3. We forget to communicate.
The third step that could have triggered divorce came when those long, heart-to-heart talks we enjoyed while dating were forgotten. Our hectic days were filled with so many activities that we had no time or energy to connect. We talked but didn’t communicate. We exchanged necessary comments. “When is Joe’s soccer game? Did you remember to pay the car insurance?”
One evening when Gene came home from work and announced there was someone else in his life, I was numb with disbelief. Anger, bitterness and desperation filled my nights. Meanwhile, confusion and frustration filled his.
4. We are poisoned by resentment.
The fourth step that could have taken us to the doorstep of divorce came when financial devastation barged in. After six months of employment in a small company, it went bankrupt. As one of the executives, Gene was personally responsible for the huge debt to the IRS. The amount was so large that we couldn’t pay it in a lifetime. The IRS took our savings and our bank accounts became theirs. The debt and interest kept increasing. And so did my fear. That fear triggered irrational blame. Why couldn’t Gene have seen this coming? How could he have allowed this to happen to us? That blend of fear and resentment became the poison that was killing our marriage.
5. We become separated in tragedy.
The fifth episode that could have taken us closer to divorce came ten years later when our youngest son, 19 at the time, was killed. We both crumbled with grief. The heartache was about to consume us. And the desire to nurture our relationship was drowning in the lake of sorrow. We were told that often tragedies sever a marriage. They often create a wedge that is nearly impossible to mend. And we could see that very outcome drawing closer.
Those are only five episodes that could have taken Gene and me to divorce court.
Still in love…
Then why, after 40 years, are we still in love more than ever? How did we overcome those trials, setbacks and pain?
The answer came when I stopped. I stopped seeking a way out of our mess. And instead, began seeking God first as He says to do in Matthew 6:33. With my face buried in my hands, I cried out my surrender to Him. Then I made God the center of all. I made Him the rock in our marriage. And I made Him the Lord of every aspect of our relationship.
Then the change came. But the first one to change had to be me. Prayer and Scripture rose to the top of my priorities. I invited Gene to do the same. Our transformation came in stages.
First, I admitted my mistake and recognized that no human being, no spouse, or family member can be the one to bring me joy, security or fulfillment. I embraced God’s truth that He and only He could be the one to fill my deepest needs. He said: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).
When life became overwhelming and days brought more burdens than I could carry. Jesus whispered to come to Him. To receive what He offered. And when exhaustion lay beside me in bed, Jesus said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
God smiled at us when we obeyed in our tithing. Even when facing that huge debt, we remained faithful in our trust in Him. And even when funds nearly ran out, we still tithed as God instructed. That’s when His promise to fill our baskets till they overflowed proved true (see Malachi 3:10).
When infidelity stained our marriage, forgiveness became the choice that washed resentment, anger and bitterness away. Gene learned that love “is not self-seeking” (>1 Corinthians 13:5a). And I learned that “love does not keep record of wrongs” (>1 Corinthians 13:5b).
And when the devastation of our son’s death threatened to end our peace and joy, God’s promise in Psalm 34:18 sustained us: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
The mistakes we made, the unrealistic expectations, the trials, and the “me-first” attitudes all served a purpose. All proved our desperate need for Jesus. Each episode showed that when He is invited into the marriage, hope is born. His presence brings security, clearer perception, and wisdom. He and only He grants the grace to forgive. And when He is the center, He turns dark moments to light. He mends bleeding wounds. He eases the heartache, and in a sweet, glorious way, He brings joy back.
Janet Perez Eckles is an inspirational speaker and author of four books, including Simply Salsa: Dancing Without Fear at God’s Fiesta, where she helps thousands walk from the darkest valleys into triumphant, joy-filled lives.
In five years of marriage, my husband and I, combined, have moved six times, changed careers five times, brushed off Valentine’s Day four times, recovered from three surgeries, adopted two terrible dogs, and created one child (a boy on the way!).
We’ve gone through more than most couples in our short time. Josh lost his grandfather to liver cancer, and I lost one of my dearest college friends to suicide. I have been diagnosed with Obessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Secondary Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Josh fights early signs of arthritis from his collegiate baseball career. We’ve both lost jobs, lost arguments, and occasionally lost the reason we fell in love. Yet, despite the loss, we have gained so much.
While I’m new to the art of tolerating the opposite sex’s quirks and gross hygiene habits, I’d like to offer 18 short, powerful prayers that became a survival guide for my marriage—and, eventually, a list of reasons to thank God for the blessing of waking up next to the world’s loudest snorer:
Prayers of Protection
1. “Lord, help me not kill this man.”
When I mutter this huffy prayer, I don’t want to mean it because I’d much rather thump him over the head after he has promised, again, that he “did the laundry”… his definition meaning he threw the clothes in the washer, threw them in the dryer, and then threw them in a wrinkled pile on the couch for the dogs to lay on.
But, when I pause and vent to the Lord, letting him know where my emotions are in the moment, it establishes a connection with God that humans rarely tap into. We negate this sanctifying space when we sidestep God’s friendship and choose to allow our present anger to unleash on our husband or become a nasty gossip session with a friend.
Vent to God—first. You won’t regret those five seconds that establish a comical yet peaceful connection with heaven (and grant you the wisdom to reexplain what “doing the laundry” means).
A few less huffy-puffy prayers of protection for your hubs:
2. “God, put Your mighty hands of protection around my husband as he works today.”
Perhaps your husband is a police officer, fireman, lineman, soldier, school teacher, or doctor—you name it—and there’s a reason to fear for their safety. My husband is a pilot, so I must focus on letting God protect him when he’s 36,000 feet in the sky. After all, we can try to be Super Woman all day long, but we can’t be in two places at once, and we can’t save the day.
Let the Savior do the Savior’s things. You give yourself the grace to pray, step back, and allow God to protect your husband.
3. “God, protect my husband from the enemy’s temptations today. Remind him of Your faithfulness and the strength You have supplied for him.”
Culture has caved as a result of broken family units. Sin creeps into cracks and crannies and crumbles the foundation of God’s design for mankind’s unity with Him and one another. Don’t let Satan get away with that. Instead, pray for the protection of your husband’s soul.
4. “Jesus, be with my husband as he travels. Help him navigate today’s itinerary on time and safely.”
I underestimated this prayer until my husband called one snowy Colorado day to tell me a semi-truck had caused a terrible wreck—totaling our car but leaving him unscathed. Let God work through your husband as he drives, flies, and travels anywhere.
5. “God, shield my husband as he does what he loves today.”
We ladies tend to enjoy hobbies that center on the home and/or arts. Outside the occasional staple-gun accident, our side projects usually aren’t as dangerous as the men’s—hunting big, wild animals, luring large, ferocious fish, playing golf with buddies who don’t know how to hold onto the golf club once they’ve swung it, etc.
Ask God to keep your husband safe as he participates in hobbies God designed him to enjoy.
6. “Jesus, please protect my husband from damaging stereotypes.”
One day, Josh and I were running an errand, and a lady our age could’ve used Josh’s manpower. He noticed her need but walked away without batting an eye. A southern belle, I chastised his rudeness. His reply: “What if she takes my attempt to help as being aggressively flirty? Then I’m in trouble when I did nothing but try to help.”
Today’s culture has men at the center of tug-of-war. Some women demand that men drop everything to rescue them, while others create posters explaining why women never needed “misogynistic,” “overly sexualized animals” in the first place.
Pray that God grants your husband the wisdom to be led by Him, not by today’s destructive definition of manhood.
Prayers of Growth
7. “God, please let my husband grow spiritually despite his past.”
We are all sinners who come with baggage, and as we develop our relationship with Christ, we repent of our past sins but often find it difficult to forgive ourselves. This stunts our spiritual growth, allowing Satan’s deceptive weapons of guilt and shame to keep us prisoner.
Pray that God allows your husband to walk free in His forgiveness, creating space for God to instill joy, hope, and a story of renewal that he can share with others.
8. “Jesus, please teach my husband how to grow despite childhood trauma.”
While some of us never experienced heinous physical or sexual abuse, many of us experienced emotional neglect or manipulation. Meanwhile, some of us never received practical resources, questioning why the lights were shut off again or whispering to the teacher that we didn’t have money for school supplies.
Men are taught never to discuss feelings. So whether your husband has opened up about his childhood, pray that God allows him to grow despite what he experienced as a kid. Pray in Jesus’ Name that bitterness and shame have no room in his soul.
9. “Lord, allow my husband to grow and thrive in his career.”
It’s no secret that men are expected to be the breadwinners, the ones who balance a successful career with care. Yet, they, too, struggle with petty bosses, competitive, undercutting coworkers, and work environments that simply aren’t healthy. Pray that your husband grows in wisdom and leadership no matter what career field he’s in.
10. “God, grant my husband the opportunities to grow as a dad.”
Mom guilt is real. I’m only five months pregnant and already feel the weight of overanalyzing every food I consume, hair product I use, or environment I step into for fear I will harm my baby. Meanwhile, dads feel the same pressure, just in a different way.
Pray that God will grant your husband the peace and freedom to open up to you and the kids about areas where he might feel inadequate, and ask God to bless his vulnerability with opportunities to enhance his communication skills or rework his schedule to spend more quality time with the kiddos.
11. “Jesus, let my husband embrace humility and seek to grow by asking questions and finding mentors.”
Hindsight is a blessing—but only if we are willing to share our past experiences to improve the present for someone else walking a similar path. Pray that God gives your husband the humility to know it’s okay to ask questions and ask that God plants the right mentors in the right places for your husband to connect with them and develop under their godly wing.
12. “God, challenge my husband to step outside his comfort zone and grow as a leader and/or mentor.”
Men feel their own pressures, including the pressure to lead and protect their families. But what about leading and guiding other young men? Pray that God grows your husband’s confidence and creates space for him to help others as he has been helped.
Prayers of Love
13. “God, help me remember that love is patient.”
Patience isn’t my spiritual gift, not because the Holy Spirit hasn’t allowed it but because I refuse to cultivate it. Stubborn (and stupid), I know. My patience thins quickly with my husband because he’s always the person who’s there, even if he wasn’t the person or situation that has left me short-fused.
Pray that God will help you remember love is patient, particularly between husband and wife. No party is perfect, so no party should demand impossible expectations. Allow God’s mercy and grace to flow from you to your husband… even when he does the laundry his way.
14. “Jesus, remind my husband that it’s not weak to show love.”
Just as men are hardwired not to show feelings, they are trained never to let love become mushy and gushy. Dressing up for a surprise dinner date or writing poetry for a spouse is now called “being whipped” or “owned” by a woman. But what if we are “owned” by Love Himself? And what if people weren’t afraid to demonstrate love as boldly as Jesus did on the cross?
Pray that God grants your husband the wisdom to embrace bold, sacrificial love, no matter what society thinks.
15. “Lord, allow our family to show my husband how much we love him.”
How often do we demand recognition for doing the dishes and folding the laundry but forget to thank our husband for taking out the trash, cutting the grass, or roughhousing with the children so we have a few moments of peace and quiet? I’m guilty of this. Far too often.
Pray that God grants you and your children the grace to enact gratitude for your husband. He deserves love and recognition too.
16. “God, fill my husband’s gaps of love with Your great Love.”
Whether it was a parent, best friend, or an ex who hurt your spouse, odds are, someone left a gaping hole in your husband’s heart that was meant to be filled with love. These gray areas are hard to navigate, as the man might not know how to express what’s missing.
Pray that God fills the holes of loss, betrayal, or abuse with His Son’s great Love.
17. “Jesus, let my husband fall in love with service.”
If your husband already balances a demanding job and family responsibilities at home, he might not enjoy serving in the community or church. But that’s where some of our greatest blessings live! Pray that God grants him the rest, encouragement, and inspiration to fall in love with serving others.
18. “God, help me love my spouse when I don’t want to love him.”
“I love you, but I don’t like you right now.” That’s the phrase I tell my husband when he’s made me livid, and nothing in me wants to nurture mushy, gushy love. It’s a phrase I spit through gritted teeth, yet it forces me to audibly admit that I not only love my husband, but I vowed to put him above myself. And once you admit that in front of your husband, there’s no turning back. Unless you like to eat crow.
Pray that God allows you the space to love your husband when it’s hard.
My love for Joshua Allen Garland is far deeper than when it began, but I believe it’s only through hardships, gritty prayers, and a determination to “[endure] all things” that we can celebrate five years of a love that has stayed (1 Corinthians 13:7).
Peyton Garland is an author and coffee shop hopper who loves helping others find beauty from ashes despite OCD, burned bridges, and perfectionism. Follow her on Instagram @peytonmgarland and check out her latest book, Tired, Hungry, & Kinda Faithful, Where Exhaustion and Exile Meet God, to discover how your cup can overflow, even in dry seasons.
Oh, after 25 years + of being a dating coach, I think I’ve heard it all—but of course each week brings something new. Nope, I don’t know it all! While studies prove women use words more, men use actions.
1. He will show it more than he will say it
Bringing you coffee in the morning. Offering to watch your dog when you are out of town. Stocking your favorite organic blueberries and Pellegrino in the fridge. (yep, he remembered the Pellegrino from a date you went on).Or, as one client told me last week “Mark put a whole shelf of my favorite drinks in the fridge”. Giving you part of the walk-in closet and drawers in a bathroom.
2. He remembers the little things
When a man is falling for a woman, he actually listens and remembers. Big or small. Your dog’s favorite bones. So, what’s this about men being terrible listeners? Uh, uh.
3. They like to hang around you even if you have nothing planned.
4. They’ll do things with you that normally wouldn’t interest them.
Like foreign films. Learn a new board game, or play Rummikub or cards that aren’t a rendition of poker.
5. They like your kids/pets. Accepting of others in your life and inclusive.
Example? When you kids are home, they are invited out for dinner. They enjoy an occasional dinner/trivia night out with your close friends. (even though trivia isn’t their thing)
6. They are not judgmental of your weaknesses.
So he may be more organized, but it doesn’t bother him that when you cook, everything is scattered about the counter. Instead, he enjoys the meal and does clean-up duty.
Yes, men and women are different in some regards. Embrace it instead of trying to change a person—it doesn’t work. I always say the only thing you can change about a man is his clothing style!
Happy Dating,
Andrea McGinty
Dating Coach/Dating Counselor
Founder, It’s Just Lunch and 33000Dates.com
