A sport that is sweeping all of the well-heeled health clubs in the country is TOFU.
Tofu, what is that?
Well, other than a tasteless, and rather pointless meat substitute, it is Kung Fu, but where only Toffs can take part. Toffs are very rich, very successful people who do nothing less than tell people about how expensive their cars are and their golf handicaps.
A Toff is like Bertie Wooster, who has been to a very expensive school but who relies on Jeeves to get him out of trouble.
Although Kung Fu is a dangerous sport, it has been refined for TOFU, as too many broken bones and too much time amongst the hoi polloi is not what a Toff is looking for.
There are only three sports centres in the country that offer TOFU. They are all in London.
A spokesman for the sport, Quention Thistlethwaite III, said, “Oi, Oi, Saveloy! Tofu will be great, but not for the likes of you lot, you unwashed oiks.”
In a world where the opinion of science on broccoli is never sought, we thought we would let you know.
Speaking from Chutney on the Fritz’s Science Research Centre (sponsored by the Wet Sprocket pub), the club chairman (and so far only member) Brian Asshat was heard expounding on the matter.
“When asked about this, the Chutney on the Fritz Science Society has decided that the scientific opinion of broccoli is that it is the work of the devil,” said Brian.
“It is not tasty, attractive, or even a suitable delivery vehicle for nutrients. It is just something that grows, and people eat it because it won’t kill them.”
“Yes,” continued Mr. Asshat, “this and other scientific matters will be discussed at the Science Club. We always welcome new members, whether or not they come from a scientific background. Single women with a passing resemblance to Penny Mordaunt or Sandra Bullock are particularly welcome.”
Brian set up the group after failing to receive a single vote in the last local elections.
At Mar-a-Lago, a luminous golf foursome discusses Trump’s future.
This reporter caught up with former President Donald J. Trump at his Mar-a-Lago golf course in Palm Beach, Florida on Wednesday to discuss the history as well as the future of the Trump fortunes, both political and otherwise. Trump’s golf foursome included possible presidential candidate and rival Gov. Ron DeSantis, former Fox News host Tucker Carlson, ex-CNN anchor Don Lemon, and a fourth player who played well but remained in the shadows.
Trump attempting to golf. Image by Steve Jurvetson, flickr.com.
The principal question confronting stalwart members of former President Donald J. Trump’s base of MAGA enthusiasts is: where do they turn from here? Trump finds himself at a crossroads, caught between significant blemishes on his personal reputation, including an indictment in a hush money scheme that sent former Trump attorney and fixer Michael Cohen to prison, and an unfavorable ruling in the infamous E. Jean Carroll civil rape case. The ex-president also faces possible indictment in several additional cases in New York, Atlanta, Washington, D.C., and Florida.
Quipped former New Jersey Republican Governor Chris Christie, playing through: “If Trump could just win primaries in the states where he potentially faces indictment, he’d have the nomination sewn up.” In frustration, Trump stepped on Christie’s ball and mashed it angrily into the ground.
When asked to comment on Trump’s legal woes, foursome member Governor Ron DeSantis, an as yet undeclared candidate for president, would say only that “it was the woke crowd” of “transsexuals and drag queens who were working against the former president’s interests” in his home state of Florida. When asked if the adverse ruling in the civil rape action against Trump in New York surprised him, he only grinned and remarked that “very little surprises me these days.”
Donald Trump’s political destiny has taken several left turns in recent months, including the legal debacle concerning his surreptitious possession of classified federal documents following his retirement to his compound at Mar-a-Lago in Florida. The case is considered by legal experts to be the most serious action being levied against him.
“I disclassified them,” he asserted on the 10th hole at the golf club/estate at seven that morning. The foursome had 85 more holes to play that morning. “I just thought about them,” he said, spreading his hands wide. “And this very special genius dissed ’em.” He shrugged his shoulders. “There’s nothing more to it. I got that power; I’m still president, you know.”
Trump came to prominence in the 1970s as the scion of his real estate mogul father, Fred Trump. The younger Trump cut a name for himself, launching himself to new financial heights with the benefit of “just a few hundreds of millions from the old man,” said Trump, remembering. “I mean, I’m practically like a self-made man.”
“Yeah,” said psychologist and author Mary Trump, Trump’s cousin, sipping tequila on the back nine. “In the same way that frozen ice cream is practically simmering chicken soup,” Mary Trump spoke on condition of anonymity.
For several decades, Donald Trump was the celebrated and iconic “player” among the tony New York City set and was quite the man about town. In 1977, he married former model Ivana Zelnickova, a Czechoslovakian skiing champion. After three children, the couple divorced. But the former Mrs. Trump was never far from Trump’s mind, he said. In fact, she is buried at the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey. She is interred adjacent to the ball washer between the clubhouse and the first tee. On the topic of rape, which recently encroached on Trump’s personal life, Trump was once accused by his first wife, Ivana, of rape during their tumultuous marriage; she later recanted. A transcript of a deposition taken at the time but unseen until now shows the following interchange:
(Taken from Michael Cohen’s cell phone…)
Attorney: Mr. Trump, did you rape your wife?
Trump: How is that even possible? A man, his wife, his chattel?
Att: You think of Mrs. Trump as your property?
Trump: “Hell, I didn’t get a wedding certificate; I got a freakin’ bill of sale.”
Att: Did you use coercion at all?
Trump: I’m telling her: you take it like a woman, or I’ll take it like a man! She wised up. She’s no rat.
“Small loss,” remarked Trump confidant and former CNN anchor Don Lemon, of Mrs. Trump’s passing. “Clearly, she was past her prime.”
After breezing through two additional wives, Trump finds himself again today with a disaffected spouse, according to insiders. When asked how he was getting on with Melania (nee Knavs), Trump replied cryptically, “You mean the $100 million woman?” and he sliced off the tee. Melania is reportedly concerned for her well-being, hoping that Ivana’s fate does not befall her. Ivana Trump fell and died in her home in New York City on July 14, 2022, at the age of 73. The cause of death was “blunt trauma to the torso,” which was determined by authorities to have been accidental. When questioned in that regard, Trump smiled thinly and took a mulligan.
Marla Maples, Mr. Trump’s second wife, is often spoken of as the “forgotten wife.” Ridding himself of Marla for a reported $2 million, Trump speaks little of her. The couple gained notoriety in a 1990 New York Post banner headline, attributed to Marla, saying “The Best Sex I Ever Had” was with Trump. When asked to respond to her compliment, she agreed with Marla, claiming that “sex with myself was the best sex I ever had, too.”
Trump entered the political arena in 2015 with a descent on the golden escalator in the lobby of Trump Tower. Since then, his fortunes have been a mixed bag. Trump’s decisions, directives, and executive orders have been lamented by progressives for the last eight years. For example, his Muslim ban, his tardy response to the COVID pandemic, and his derision of progressive causes like Black Lives Matter. In 2020, then-President Trump publicly defended a white teenager for shooting three BLM protesters. “It was a fair shot,” Trump protested. “The kid wasn’t even using a scope, which he had a right to use. Besides, they were running away,” he went on, “and the kid wanted to make a citizen’s arrest.” He defended the gunfire as only “warning shots to the back of the head. That kid’ll grow up to be a good cop!” Trump garnered additional criticism for dismissing preventative measures like mask wearing during the late COVID pandemic and for calling the virus Kung-flu, igniting hostility against Asians. Trump looked up from his putt, waved press clippings away as “fake news,” and then knocked his golfball into the cup with the heel of his shoe.
Trump’s most recent legal problems may present the highest hurdle yet, in particular the jury’s ruling in the civil rape trial, which recently concluded.
“I’m glad my client was not named a rapist,” conceded Trump attorney Joe Tacopina. “I’m further happy that he has not (yet) been convicted of seditious conspiracy, falsified professional records, or abrogated Executive Order 13526,” which concerns the handling of classified documents. Tacopina, pausing to hand the ex-president a nine-iron, remarked that the order was executed by former president Obama, who was, after all, just a nigra.
The most rancor has been engendered by the accusation that Donald Trump raped journalist E. Jean Carroll in a department store in 1996. Said Trump: “In Bergdorf’s? Not a chance. Saks, maybe—I like the name; it’s reminiscent of ‘sex.’ Besides, they play better mood music. Not Bergdorf’s, cheesh, c’mon. How is old Horseface?” he asked, spotting a wire service photo of former lover Stormy Daniels.
Steering the narrative back to E. Jean Carroll and her rape allegations, Trump remarked: “Her story’s all wet—no pun intended—if I were inside her, she couldn’t have just pushed me off her. I mean, I’m man-sized, not like little Marco or little Ted, or….” We approached the 18th green–four men walking, with Trump bouncing ahead in a golf cart.
Joe Tacopina, holding Trump’s golf bags, said his client “was a star” and “has been so for a million years.”
Carlson, who shot an even 300 for the round, said that there is a “94% chance that the real rapist was an illegal alien—a damn Mexican.”
“Of course,” added Trump. “That’s what they send—the rapists.”
The final member of the foursome took that moment to step forward.
“Hey,” whispered Bill Murray, speaking behind a hand, “do you want to know why Mickey Mouse hates Ron DeSantis so much?”
“Why does he?” asked this reporter.
“Because he thought that the governor was fuckin’ goofy!”
Trump strolls to the pin, drops the ball from his hand into the cup and smiles smugly.
Giving Marjorie Taylor some shade – it’s not easy being Greene!
Yes, it’s not easy being Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, nor Americans who have to listen to her!
If she isn’t your cup of Sweet Tea – you’re not alone! But, I hear she has lots of other ears & ‘eyeballs’ on her, as they say in the media business.
And she admits she has someone else writing kooky retorts for her on social media & conveniently never approves what goes out into Twitterland!
I think there’s 3 kinds of people: 1) Those who agree with Marjorie & repeat her rhetoric. 2) Those entertained by her & impressed with her gun rack. And 3) those who are staying vigilant on the long term affect she may have on people & the nation.
We know who we are! haha
But, I also think there are people who never heard of her & aren’t fazed at all by her firebrand approach creating chaos by just walking into a room or an outdoor area of an ‘Indictment Proceeding‘! haha
I hear she has conspiracy theories she hasn’t even used yet & is waiting for VP Kamala Harris to be on the next ticket with Biden: ‘Kamala has so many nationalities in her – all I have to do is close my eyes & spin a globe’!
Take her little outburst at President Biden’s State of the Union Address… Please!
Who shouts out ‘Liar’ in a room full of lawyers?
And, who wears Roadkill after Labor Day?
And, you won’t find the shade: ‘Marjorie Taylor Greene’ in a ‘Crayola’ Crayon Box – because it was tested out on kids & their drawings tripped a wire & caused a fire drill!
So Marjorie tweeted the Crayola company & fumed: ‘You kept Parakeet Green, Asparagus Green & Snot Green & removed mine – all you Yankees are color blind’!
‘Let the damn kids color with their mom’s lipstick like I did’!
Folks, it’s time to put down your Sudoku & Wordle & take a stab at my multiple choice quiz:
“WHICH GROUP OF ACTUAL SHADES OF GREEN WOULD WE ASSOCIATE WITH MAJORIE TAYLOR GREEN”?
Emerald Green, Jade Green or Pea Green?
Kelly Green, Sea Foam Green or Crocodile Green?
Lime Green, Khaki Green or Fungus Green?
Forest Green, Mint Green or Slime Green?
Good Job!
Notice that I held back from using ‘Pond Scum Green’ because I don’t go low! haha
For those who refused to take the quiz because it’s rigged – you folks can try to figure out something to do with my leftovers: Chartreuse, Pickle Green & Puce Green!
Speaking of Puce – this is PUCE GREEN!
That’s right – back in the day I had a Bridesmaid’s Dress just like that!
On the other hand, it comes in handy when weird guys hit on you at the wedding!
Color me ‘Done’!
Marilyn Sands is a former 80’s Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book “CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS” On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, “OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS”!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417″Living proofyou don’t have to be a success to write a Memoir”!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha
You may think that saying “just call me a taxi” would be enough to get out of a bad date, but it doesn’t work if a man is connoisseur of bad jokes and stupid puns.
WASHINGTON—Reeling in the wake of his indictment on 13 federal charges, including wire fraud and money laundering, Rep. George Santos (R-NY) revealed Thursday that he would fund his legal defense by selling official Ray-Bans for 90% off. “These are the real deal and going for much, much cheaper than market price,” the embattled representative said in a fundraising email to his constituents, which included a 500-character-long hyperlink ending in a .tz domain name. “One day only, tell you friends [sic]. I had a buddy and apparently they just fall off his truck. There’s nothing wrong with them. See, the picutres [sic]. These are the real deal w/ frames and lenses. Color your choice. Just input your info and social. They ship in twenty weeks.” The email went on to say that if supporters acted quickly in helping Santos defeat the charges, he could throw in a “Guci [sic] bag” at a massive discount.
High School Student, Teacher Applying For Same Summer Waitressing Job
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Emma X maintains some software for a company that does mechanical engineering. In this specific case, her software needs to match a part on their equipment to a tube which can hold the part. They're operating on the order of millimeters, so the smallest tube is about 8mm, and the largest is 155mm.
Now, obviously, not every possible millimeter size is possible- from 8mm to 58mm, the possible diameters all proceed at a step of 2mm. Between 60mm and 95mm, the step is 5mm, and between 100 and 150, the step is 10mm. As I describe this problem, you're probably imagining a lookup table of some kind, or maybe just a list of possible diameters generated by for loops or some similar construct. If that were how this worked, the code wouldn't be there.
funtubeDiameter(partDiameter: Length): Length {
val partDiameterWithBuffer = partDiameter + 0.001.toBigDecimal()
val res = when {
partDiameterWithBuffer.res < 0.008.toBigDecimal() -> 0.008.toBigDecimal()
partDiameterWithBuffer.res < 0.06.toBigDecimal() -> {
val mod = partDiameterWithBuffer.res.rem(0.002.toBigDecimal())
partDiameterWithBuffer.res + mod
}
partDiameterWithBuffer.res < 0.1.toBigDecimal() -> {
val mod = partDiameterWithBuffer.res.rem(0.005.toBigDecimal())
partDiameterWithBuffer.res + mod
}
partDiameterWithBuffer.res < 0.155.toBigDecimal() -> {
val mod = partDiameterWithBuffer.res.rem(0.01.toBigDecimal())
partDiameterWithBuffer.res + mod
}
else -> {
0.155.toBigDecimal()
}
}
return Length(res, LengthUnits.METER)
}
This is Kotlin, which I'm not extremely familiar with, but is easy to read.
The first step is that they add a small buffer to the part diameter, representing their tolerances. Then we have what is a series of conditions. If the diameter is less than 0.008, then we return 0.008. If it's less than 0.06, we take mod 0.002- 2mm- and add that to the diameter. Then if it's less than 0.1, we take the 5 millimeter step, if it's less 0.155, we take the 10mm step.
Logically, this seems to make sense, and seems to match to our problem, so what's the WTF? Well, there are a lot of issues.
First, and this is just convenience, we're working with parts in the scale of millimeters and in this function, we're doing our units in meters. That's just annoying and hurts readability. But the WTF starts when we note that the Length class includes in<Unit> functions, like inMeters, and inMillimeters. res just returns the raw underlying value it was created in, which frequently is meters, but isn't guaranteed to be.
The real problem, though, is that this simplified logic seems like it maps to our domain, but it doesn't actually do it correctly.
Take a partDiameterWithBuffer that is 0.07m. That goes down the 10mm branch, and matches it to 0.07m, which is a perfect fit for our tolerance. Everything is good. But what happens when we feed it 0.071m? Well, the remainder of 0.071m and 0.005m is… 0.001m. So it suggest a tube diameter of 72mm, which is not a valid tube diameter. The code is just wrong.
And how does wrong code like this make it into production? Sing along everybody: because there are no unit tests.
The only positive thing in this code is that they consistently use BigDecimal, which ensures no floating point rounding errors.
Now, Emma has fixed this, and she has "fixed" this. The first fix was just generating a list of valid values using some Kotlin syntactic sugar to make it easy to write:
The second "fix" was- well, I'll let Emma explain:
I have also been somewhat new to Kotlin and highly motivated and replaced the implementation of fun tubeDiameter with an overly complicated binary search on defaultTubeDiameters, but that is for my successor to complain about 🙂 At least it works as expected (more often than before).
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(Sports News) – In a surprising turn of events, the UConn Huskies, fresh off their March Madness 2023 triumph, have announced their upcoming tour in China to support a cause close to their hearts: The Chinese Home For Retired Rickshaw Drivers.
The Huskies, accompanied by none other than the legendary L.A. Lakers, will grace the basketball courts of Shanghai, Hong Kong, and even the quaint coastal town of Fortune Cookie, delighting fans and retirees alike.
According to the renowned news outlet, Boom Boom News (China), the entire nation is buzzing with excitement as China boasts more NCAA and NBA fans than there are noodles in a bowl of hot soup.
And in a twist of fate, LeBron James himself eagerly anticipates his visit to China, ready to show off his skills and enjoy the warm embrace of Chinese basketball enthusiasts.
SIDENOTE: Get your chopsticks ready, China, because this basketball extravaganza is about to take the nation by storm, uniting sports, retired rickshaw drivers, and a touch of unexpected glamour. Let the games begin!
America’s right-wing Chicken Littles are now attacking teachers, demonizing them because they need someone for people to hate.
I’m a child of privilege. Not the privilege of money (I come from a family of small-town working people). But it was my privilege to grow up in the public schools of Denison, Texas.
There I received the rich blessings of dedicated classroom teachers, a diverse student body, playground socialization, librarians, coaches, cafeteria and custodial workers, student politics, vocational training… and a deep appreciation for the unifying value of community and the common good.
That’s why I’m flabbergasted by today’s clique of corporate profiteers, theocratic zealots and laissez-faire knuckleheads who’re lobbying furiously across the country to demonize, defund and dismantle this invaluable social benefit. If ignorance is bliss, they must be ecstatic!
Public schools do have some real problems: politicians constantly slashing education budgets, professional burnout created by understaffing and low pay, the devastating strain of a killer pandemic and a new-normal of assault-rifle murders. But the profiteers, theocrats and knuckleheads aren’t interested in those, instead focusing on what they say is the fatal flaw in public education: Teachers.
Yes, the claim is that diabolical educators are perverting innocent minds by teaching America’s actual history, showing students that the full diversity of humankind enriches our society and presenting our Earth as something to be protected, not plundered. And worse — OMIGOSH — many classroom teachers are union members! So, teachers suddenly find themselves political pawns in the GOP’s culture war. “Our schools are a cesspool of Marxist indoctrination,” squawked Sen. Marco Rubio, and former President Donald Trump squealed that schools are run by “radical left maniacs” and “pink-haired communists.”
These right-wing Chicken Littles are now attacking teachers, demonizing America’s invaluable educators because they need someone for people to hate, providing cover for their unpopular plot to privatize education. But hate can easily backfire on hatemongers — and local teachers are a whole lot more popular than conniving politicos and profiteers.
How Perverse is the Gop’s Book-Banning Crusade?
Tiptoeing around the democratic process, Indiana’s Republican legislature has become the latest of that ilk to slap its local school librarians with an idiotic book ban.
Snuck into law behind closed doors, the partisan Hoosier law requires librarians to pull books that the learned lawmakers consider “harmful to minors.” Just to juice up the ignorance and arrogance of their ban, the law criminalizes failure to comply by punishing librarians with up to two and a half years in prison and a $10,000 fine! What constitutes “harmful to minors”? Indiana’s priggish politicos declare nudity, sexual references and “offensive content to community standards” to be violations.
Obviously, then, books commanding that rape victims marry their rapists, as well as celebrating daughters who seduce their father to bear his children, plus endorsement of bestiality, copulation in church, women boiling their children for food — and so God awful much more — have to be ripped from the shelves and burned! Only all of this is enshrined in the Bible, which is urged on Indiana’s youngsters in Sunday schools, conveniently placed in the nightstands of every chain hotel… and cited by pious lawmakers as their moral compass.
The so-called “Good Book” is replete with the gross and explicit sexual material that Republican book censors call “harmful.” Indeed, a feisty civil-libertarian organization named Freedom From Religion Foundation gives away book labels you can stick in Bibles, warning that “literal belief in this book may endanger your health and life” (www.ffrf.org).
The books that right-wing autocrats want to ban are not pornographic; they just explore ideas that those politicians don’t like — ideas that young people are already grappling with. And, by the way, why not require these pious lawmakers to disclose what licentious material they’ve been reading — before they dictate what we can read?
National radio commentator, writer, public speaker, and author of the book, “Swim Against The Current: Even A Dead Fish Can Go With The Flow,” Jim Hightower has spent three decades battling the Powers That Be on behalf of the Powers That Ought To Be – consumers, working families, environmentalists, small businesses, and just-plain-folks.
Twice elected Texas Agriculture Commissioner, Hightower is a modern-day Johnny Appleseed, spreading the message of progressive populism all across the American grassroots.
He broadcasts daily radio commentaries that are carried in more than 150 commercial and public stations and on the web.
Alabama, the state hailed as “The Queen of Cotton,” has just unveiled its quirky and whimsical state promotional slogan.
State spokeswoman Amanda Gillingwell, a sprightly 29-year-old cotton enthusiast, passionately declared that the cotton industry is bursting at the seams with success. Eager to lure visitors from far and wide, the state has concocted a delightful plan.
In a gesture as unique as a boll of cotton, Alabama will gift each out-of-state visitor with a complimentary bag of cotton. Prepare to be dazzled by the contents of this whimsical swag! The bag is stuffed with approximately 14 ounces of luscious grade A Alabama cotton.
But that’s not all! As an ode to the spirited fusion of cotton and indulgence, the state will also include a coveted fifth of Colonel Cletus Cotton Bourbon, a legendary elixir praised as the Tom Brady of Bourbons. Sip and savor this magical drink, and allow its silky smoothness to transport you to cotton-filled dreams.
Alabama beckons you to immerse yourself in its cotton-clad wonders, where gossamer threads intertwine with Southern charm. Come one, come all, and experience the enchantment of “The Queen of Cotton”!
The smoke from the “Wildfires of The Century” has left California, wreaking havoc on people’s allergies up in Oregon.
The CDT (California Department of Tourism) tallied the mind-boggling cost of over $3.83 billion to finally wrestle the fast-moving forest fires into submission.
Reports suggest that more than 2,000 California golden bears evacuated the state and are now happily residing in Oregon, Washington, and Idaho.
Airline pilots are relieved to report that they can now peer through the front windshield and see what lies ahead. No longer enslaved to instruments alone, they can now revel in the scorched-earth vistas that lie ahead.
Thus, the California Department of Tourism is thrilled to announce their new slogan: “Come Visit California – The Damn Wildfire Smoke Is Now Up In Oregon.”
Dubai has announced the construction of a 3D-printed concrete mosque to accommodate 600 worshippers and cover 2,000 square meters over two floors, with construction planned to begin by the end of year and completed in the first quarter of 2025. What do you think?
“How many slaves will that technology put out of jobs?”
Kathy Ursache, Deputy Secretary
High School Student, Teacher Applying For Same Summer Waitressing Job
“I always thought Dubai leaned more Presbyterian.”
Andy Harmon, Funeral Singer
“Finally, a viable technology for constructing buildings.”
Are you a parent? If so, you know that screaming babies can drive you insane. Parents deserve a little relief to not go completely crazy. That’s why pacifiers are an amazing invention. Sure, you can go for that regular boring pacifier, or you can upgrade to something that’s sure to make you laugh while simultaneously calming down your little crotch goblin, like these funny teeth pacifiers. There are various designs available on Amazon. Scroll down for the funniest examples!
There are various options of funny teeth pacifiers available on Amazon to choose from. Please note that this site is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate affiliate we earn from qualifying purchases.
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about mysterious piles of pasta, doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Oodles of noodles: mysterious piles of pasta.
Mysterious piles of pasta found in a New Jersey forest
Massive penis is mowed into lawn at King Charles Coronation party venue
It’s ‘Hey, get off my lawn,’ NOT ‘Hey, get off on my lawn!’
Brad Pitt will be driving a real F1 car alongside the other 20 drivers starting at Silverstone
That’s really gotta piss off defending champion, George Santos.
Biden cracked jokes at Correspondents’ Dinner
While they named a menu item after Trump’s non-appearances …. Orange Flavored Chicken!
Ed Sheeran wins copyright-infringement lawsuit involving hit song “Thinking Out Loud” – ABC News
No word if Sheeran heard it through the grapevine.
Fox News viewers aren’t happy Brian Kilmeade is hosting Tucker Carlson’s show tonight”
Look for Kilmeade’s new show, ‘FOX and Friendless.”
Michelin-star chef shocks fans with plan to add semen-based dish to his menu
… The Beef Jerky Off, I presume.
RIP Harry Belafonte
Day light came and you’re gonna go home. God speed.
Clouds above L.A., more showers in forecast
… Either that or Snoop and Willie Nelson are still partying at Willie’s birthday concert after-party.
Kim Kardashian says she’s lost 21 lbs. since before last Met Gala
191, if count Kanye.
LeBron James nails half-court, no-look shot in Lakers practice
Or, as Steph Curry calls it a lay-up.
The WHO says Covid 19 no longer global emergency
I’m gonna wait for Led Zeppelin to weigh in…
18,000 cows killed in fire at Texas ranch
Instead of water, they put out the fire with barbecue sauce.
US jobs report shows gain of 253K in April
…Would’ve been 253,002 but, y’know, Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon …
Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Congolese gynecologist Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war-torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney’s, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog and the Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that’s been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul’s time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul’s “Ripping the Headlines Today” columns here.)
It’s true, there isn’t much to say about this exceptional code block. But if assigning a boolean to a boolean variable ever fails, we’re prepared to handle it.
