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Tags: latest news, politics, UK, europe
4022 points, 316 comments.
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Category: Humor
Humor | ReportWire publishes the latest breaking U.S. and world news, trending topics and developing stories from around globe.
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The word rhymes with hike.
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Chicken Feed
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"Zero balance due now!" shouted
davethepirate
"To be fair, I had disputed a charge on a bill and they finally relented which should have actually resulted in them owing me $1.01, but I'm happy with the win." I'm sure yarr.This beats Cory Booker," commented
nja
for reasons I don't begin to understand.
"This show is damned good, and there sure is a lot to say on the matter, but 419,951 more hours?"
"What an effective CAPTCHA," cooed
Peter G.
"They forgot to ask for doodles, sign language, and squirrel
noises." I think the trick here is that if you actually DO
manage it correctly, they know you're a robot.
"Eight Characters means what, again??" cried
Mark R.
For myself, I'm ecstatic they used "symbol" instead of "special character".
"For the past several years, I've enjoyed free identity
theft monitoring as a result of multiple data breaches of
various third-party services. That's finally running out
now, but I'm not sure if it's in 30 days or in 5 days," grumbles
Adam R.
Which brings us to the let's talk about me portion of this
episode.
This week, I received
a letter from the University of Phoenix, by whom I
briefly was employed TEN YEARS AGO,
informing me that various bits of sensitive personal data
had been leaked in their Oracle EBS breach last year.
By way of apology, they offered me
one of these almost useless subscriptions.
By now, everyone must have three or four of these
"complimentary one-year subscriptions" simultaneously. The
vendors of these services know that a significant
portion of the breached public never bother to sign up. Cost: $0.
For those who do, it's a customer acquisition
funnel: this year is paid by [latest sloppy bungler] and then they
hit you up for a recurring premium.
I strongly suspect that the various "identity protection
services" come swarming out of the trees the moment they hear of some breach, and are very, very, competitive on price. How much do you suppose they pay for the new customer acquisition? Less than whatever statutory damages the UofP will have to pay the government?
Anybody who has first-hand knowledge of the terms of a post-breach contract for victim services, please let us know.
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Lyle Seaman
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A Sudden Tern
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Matthias sends us what he calls the “tern of the century”. Which, before I share it with you: bad news, it’s just a regular bad ternary. But it remains bad in interesting ways, so it’s definitely worth talking about. But let’s not oversell it.
private static String getOrderTypeCode(CreateOrderRequest order) { return !StringUtils.isBlank(order.getOrderParams().getReceivingCompanyFoo()) && ORDR_TP_DQQ_FOO.equals(order.getOrderParams().getOrderType()) ? ORDR_TP_DQQ_BAR_CDE : order.GetOrderParams().getOrderType().getOrderTypeCode(); }This function takes an order, and inspects it to figure out the type of order it represents. The logic is this: if the receiving company has the “foo” property set, and the order is already set to type “Foo”, then we return the “bar” code (not a bar code– Matthias is using “foo” and “bar” as anonymous placeholders), otherwise we return whatever order type code that was set on the order type.
Now, I’ve left this all on one line, as it is in the codebase, which certainly helps with the WTF feeling of the whole thing. Protip: don’t write ternaries that need to wrap across three lines to be readable.
This is messy and unreadable, but by ternary standards it’s just regular bad. No, the thing that is driving me up the wall is the code-golfy constant names.
ORDRis short forORDER.CDEisCODE. I have no idea whatTPorDQQstand for. But I see no good reason to turn every constant into the name of some droid loitering around Jabba’s Palace in Star Wars just to save a few keystrokes.I’d be less bothered if the abbreviations were more cryptic, but just dropping a middle vowel from “ORDER” sits in this bizarre half-point between “exists as meaningless jargon, good luck” and “I wrote something readable”. I’d be less annoyed if it were more of a WTF.
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Remy Porter
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The Assist
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“This was my first birthday celebration in 1975 and my older sister was trying to get me to smile for the camera.”
(submitted by Debbie)
The post The Assist appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
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Team Awkward
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