Yesterday saw the dramatic resignation of Boris Johnson over Partygate. He claims he was ‘forced out’ by a ‘kangaroo court’ after he saw the report in advance of its publication.
Mr. Johnson said that he’s been the target of a ‘brutal campaign’ by fellow MPs. He has also told us that he’s been in receipt of ‘very nasty tweets’. The Metropolitan Police stated that they have started an investigation and have narrowed it down to a list of 18.5 million suspects.
“To be honest,” he mumbled, “the thing I’m going to miss the most are the alcohol-fuelled work events. We haven’t called it ‘The Cabernet Office’ for nothing.”
Gossip is rife as to what he intends to do next. He has, of course, had many years as a journalist. And he commands an huge salary as an after-dinner speaker.
Those ‘in the know’ suggest that the thing he’s looking forward to the most is resurrecting his career as the figure-head for Sugar Puffs. However, when we approached Honey Monster Foods we were told that Mr. Johnson had virtually no chance of working with them. One spokesperson told us, “He’s known as ‘Big Ben’ in the breakfast industry, mainly because he’s a massive Bell-End.”
