A reoccurring struggle for a group of species is negotiating the need to depend on each other amidst conflict. Horrible as it may be, conflict and disparity maintain internal balance and self-respect. Conflict and disparity also separates and taunts.
The anxiety of making a choice to come together with your counterpart in the absence of assurance is haunting. It takes guts to speak faith unto choices with no guarantees.
The art of believing, as well as exhibiting kindness during conflict, is not for the weak. It is an act for the strong willed. Maintaining a momentum during turbulence takes great self-control and faith.
I think there’s something beautiful and pure about those willing to be the fool. The ones that practice the art of seeking to understand where others are coming from, even if they are not for them.
I think it is a hard thing to have a genuine heart and see the world through your heart’s eyes. By default, you act in accordance. You expect good because you’re also acting from the goodness of your heart.
Opposing intentions
I am so tired of savagery.
I hate the need to come out victorious over the next person. I hate how the world’s views have shaped our perceptions of each other. Most times, the world is not kind to naivety.
I can’t fathom that existing with others requires so much alertness. Why should caring be approached with so much caution? It’s almost as if having feelings is a game of chess without second chances.
‘If you aren’t getting what you want, at least make sure you are not the one that walks away burned’.
I am certainly not against people not seeing eye to eye. I love the idea of individuality. It is the constant lookout for weaknesses in each other I hate.
Being an expressive person I am, I often overthink how my intensity lands. I am never really shocked when met with scepticism or worse, a triumphing attitude.
As they say, the giver will give, and the taker will take.
Utopia, where?
I’ve had this conversation countless times. I think the perceptions it always creates on my behalf is that I am indeed naïve.
“What does she think this is? Utopia?”
“No! Of course not!”.
We are far off from utopia. We are a world riddled with never-ending conflicts. However, I have always been concerned with conquering myself. And thus, the one-on-one games bother me. I detest playing these games being that:
- I am guaranteed to lose.
- I am naïve.
- I am an idealistic realist.
- I am a realistic idealist.
Idealistic realist / Realistic idealist
Dare read a philosophy text on realism and idealism and I guarantee you different meanings to what I am about to attribute myself. But either way…
Realism
A way of thinking that seeks to represent things as they are. An understanding of facts, practicality. Accepting and taking things as they.
Idealism
A way of thinking that wants to achieve ideal realities or goals despite what reality suggests. A pursuing and visionary way of thinking.
I am living in a world that demands I level up and play my cards against my realism, which is ridden by savagery and weird tactics.
My humanity, on the other side, operates on the will that human beings are inherently good. A rotten lot there and there, but the definition that seeks to separate humans from animals is grounded in the idea of higher consciousness and emotional intelligence.
Ironically, the main things humans gush over in animals are the patterns and actions that reflect humanistic traits. And yet, we continue to separate ourselves from the very things we are missing.
This is where I am positioned in all of this.
The realist in me knows exactly what is at play. I judge what we are, and I am aware of our patterns and complicated discourses and ideologies.
The idealist in me is naïve and scouts the world for the little good that remains. Hell, the idealist in me is the one writing this self-pitying post.
Being okay with not being liked
Here’s a plot twist. A huge part of my arrogance and sense of self-importance is at the forefront of this post.
Holding my understanding of how individuality can breed disparity, I can also understand that some people simply don’t like me. In the same way, I simply don’t like some people.
In these unreasonable spaces, I am learning to accept how the same moment can hold multiple sentiments depending on each individual. That during an occurrence, I could coming, and the next person could be going.
I am learning to base my understanding of myself solely on myself, despite external factors.
I am learning to not think my views about myself are universal just as external opinions on who I am carry no weight.
I am learning to always hope I like the next person more than I hope the next person likes me.
I am learning to never compensate for my lack thereof.
I am learning to be okay with being a fool for as long as I know my truth and heart.
Ndinae K
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