A man regretting the decision to leave his wife for his mistress is being berated online.
In a post to Reddit‘s True Off My Chest forum on November 11, u/Used-Veterinarian978 wrote that he had left his wife of 15 years for a colleague. However, he has since realized it was a mistake, but doesn’t know if his ex will take him back or not.
Since he shared his story, the post has received more than 12,000 upvotes and nearly 4,000 comments, with Redditors lacking sympathy for the man and his plight.
Love Versus Lust
Life coach Marni Goldman told Newsweek that the “grass isn’t always greener” when it comes to relationships.
“Love and lust have two very different meanings, and that mix-up brings heartache and disappointment,” she said.
Goldman added that it’s common for people to mistake unhappiness in themselves for relationship woes, but working through your issues can stop you from blowing up your romance.
“Many of us have unhealed hidden wounds within, and rather than healing ourselves, and finding self-love, we look for other people, places, and things to bring fulfillment for those empty holes,” Goldman said.
“Love is not something we look for, love is something we become.”
‘I Wish I Could Just Tell Her How I Feel’
In his post, Used-Veterinarian978 wrote that he and his former wife had been happily married for 15 years and had two daughters together, aged 14 and 12.
Nevertheless, he’d struggled with his mental health during the pandemic, and blamed being with his wife 24/7 as the cause.
“I thought I was stagnating and out of love with my wife and that being home made me realize that, instead of the truth that I was depressed because of being home,” he wrote.
After returning to the office after lockdown, he began an affair with his new colleague Ana, the opposite of his “shy and calm” wife.
“Ana is free and happy. Social and high spirited. She took the office by storm,” the poster wrote.
He told his wife he was no longer in love with her, and within a week, had moved in with Ana.
“[My wife] asked me if there was someone else and I said yes,” he posted. “That was enough for her not to try to dissuade me.
“I know that she was hurt and suffering in secret and I never tried to console her because I didn’t want her to know that I knew how much she was hurting.”
However, Used-Veterinarian978’s new life didn’t turn out as expected, and not long after leaving, he began to miss his old life with his wife and children.
“I was used to be with my daughters every day and now I see them only half the time,” the poster continued.
“My wife was my rock even in separation. I knew she was hurting and I could see her missing me but she never once lost her dignity.”
Still, it was the first Christmas with Ana that he realized what he’d really given up. While dropping off gifts at his wife’s house, he was suddenly aware of how much he missed her.
“I missed her warmth, her voice, her calmness, her wit and most of all her smell when I buried my face in her hair and neck on Saturdays when we could sleep in,” he wrote.
“I knew that I never really stopped loving her. She wasn’t the reason I went through a dark period she was the only light that pushed me forward.”
Almost a year later, and Used-Veterinarian978’s is filled with regret, but his wife appears to have moved on.
“I have tried to explain it away because I have this new brilliant girlfriend who is so different who is teaching me how to be excited again,” the Redditor wrote.
“For the last year, picking the children up or dropping them off has been what I look forward just to see my wife’s face.
“I have noticed how she has become happier and more in terms with the changes and I envy her. I wish I could just tell her how I feel but I don’t want to disturb her healing when she’s come so far.”
Reddit users were unsympathetic, with GinnyMcJuicy calling the poster a “narcissist.”
“People really throw everything away for a thrill then realize it isn’t what they thought it’ll be,” wrote ayymahi.
“This man needs to break away from everyone and focus on himself and his kids,” posted RumHamDiary. “He can’t be true to either woman and hardly himself. The least he can do is be true to his kids.”
“You’ve manifested the same problem with someone else,” commented beefytaint21. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Go to therapy or something maybe? You need to figure out the root cause of this.”
Redditor dutchyardeen wrote: “The reality is, he’s just like any other cheater. He puts the responsibility for his happiness on whoever he happens to be ‘in love’ with at the time. His ex-wife deserves better.”
Newsweek has reached out to Used-Veterinarian978.
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