[EP35] How To Reignite The Sexual Polarity With Your Man

Transcript

Natasha: Welcome back to another episode of the Awakened Wife Podcast. I’m Natasha Koo—

Jachym: And I am Jachym Jerie and we are from your exceptional relationship.com.

Natasha: Today, we’re going to be talking about how to reignite the sexual polarity with your men. In the last episode, if you didn’t catch it, we talked all about pretty much reviving the polarity or finding the polarity between you and your partner. And this episode, we’re going to be specifically talking about I guess, attracting or drawing that energy out from your man, if it’s become a bit dull in the bedroom, or you feel like the two of you might be working on your polarity. But yet, the intimacy isn’t quite there yet. And I know that also, from our personal experience, and with the couples that we worked with, this is actually a really big issue. And sometimes, you know, the sexual attraction or polarity is lacking in females and as a male, or in this episode, we’re going to be talking about the husband. 

But really, this is something that you shouldn’t be ashamed of, if you’re going through this is quite normal, a lot of relationships go has like ups and downs when it comes to intimacy. And so the big question is, how do you reignite that back into your relationship because the thing that we always want, right, that we truly want is that intimacy is that connection with your partner. And sometimes, you know, you might think back to the honeymoon stage or back in the day that they were, both of you were just really into it. And so energetic, and there seems to be so much energy when it comes to intimacy. 

So when things change, like you have kids or work gets really stressful, or they’re just other stresses within life, then it can dole different aspects of your relationship. But from what we know, when it comes to sexual polarity, that’s one aspect that where stress and other factors can actually really play a role. So what are the things that you can do to reignite this sexual polarity and how to bring it back, there are two main points that we really want to share with you. And we know that if you can embody this, and you can do this, no matter how bad of a state, your connection is, no matter how long of a dry spell, you might be on with your partner, it is possible to turn things around.

Jachym: Now, if you’re interested in, you know, becoming more attractive to your husband and reigniting the polarity from your side, you can also head over to your exceptional relationship.com. And there, you can download the irresistible wife, blueprint, it’s on the front page, you can just put in your email, and you can actually explore this in more depth. So let’s get to the main topic today. Well, the very first thing that’s important to know is that one thing that gets in the way of having sexual polarity is judgment. Now, why do I bring this up right from the beginning, the reason I bring it up is because when you are looking at certain teachings, like the law of polarity, this teaching in and of itself can be abused as a thing of having judgments against your partner, well, if my partner only will be more masculine, or if my partner only will be more feminine, then we would have a better relationship and you start basically blaming them for not living up to your kind of expectation of what a sexually attractive partner is, or a strong partner is. 

And so you’re lost basically, in your judgment about the partner. Now, when you’re seeing your partner in this kind of light, obviously, the sexual attraction is going to be lessened because you’re not connecting to them in the immediacy of the moment, you’re connecting to them through a perceptual filter, which is filtered through your judgments, right, of what you think they should be and how they are in reality. And that is not where the sexual attraction lies, sexual attraction lies in the moment. It lies, in the connection of and the meeting of two people, two bodies, two human beings together right now. And so the judgment is a really big part.  

And I encourage you to actually look at the judgments that you’re having, like, what is it that you’re judging your husband about? And that doesn’t have to be just around sexual polarity or him as a man. It can also be other things like you know that he’s useless or lazy or that he’s not attractive enough or that he has bad ways of carrying himself whatever it is like there are all kinds of ways that you could that you can belittle him or he can belittle you in some way that is actually not beneficial for the relationship for the flow of love and this kind of sexual attraction between you. So write those things down, so that you become aware of them and start challenging them. Because right now, most of those judgments, they look to you, like they are a reality, but they are not reality, they are your judgment about your husband, and they are not even your husband, they are your thoughts about your husband. 

And that distinction is really, really, really crucial. And is something that I can not stress enough, because as long as we’re mistaking what we think about our partner to be our partner, and then go out and look for the evidence that this partner is really this way how I see it, then you’re creating this entire illusion and Castle, in the air of basically lies, if I fell on put it very harshly, and it really becomes a hindrance. And it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, where your husband becomes more and more like that, because you start treating him a certain way, start making those kinds of comments. And before you know it, he actually starts to be more and more that way. And you’re like, See, I knew it, I knew this is the way he is. So examine those judgments, right? Now, let’s see if Natasha has anything else to add to this.

Natasha: From our experience, a lot of those judgments and this kind of negativity between both partners, they tend to come out when there are unresolved conflicts. And that’s why we keep on advocating that, okay, we have lots of resources within our website, where you can troubleshoot either your communication, and to fight to figure out, okay, where are we going wrong on a daily basis, where what are our bad habits, when it comes to communication that makes it so toxic, and women make it so bad that, you know, all these little arguments and judgments keep popping up within our relationship because that’s one way to actually identify where the judgments come out is not, you know, all in your head is where you actually act upon it, and you see it and you feel it and experience it within your relationship.  

And oftentimes, those judgments that you have inside your head will then kind of come out within the way you speak it body language tone of voice, and the communication between you and your partner. So if you want to troubleshoot and just kind of get a clearer idea on okay, how is our communication? Do I have a lot of judgments towards my partner? How are we speaking to one another, because this is, you know, one of the key things that we want you to make sure that you know, and have a very clear picture of in order to heal and reignite the intimacy and sort of sexual polarity with your partner.  

So if this is what you need, then make sure to head over to your exceptional relationship.com/understand. You can take a very quick communication quiz that can give you a better idea. Because once you know, okay, I am judging him is coming out in these ways. When we speak to one another, there are definitely issues to resolve, then that is a big chunk of the intimacy, issue, or hiccup that you’re having within your relationship, it’s much easier to connect in that way. And for that sexual polarity within your man and you to thrive, when you don’t have, I guess, built up so many issues and powered on so many issues that it has really, I guess changed the way or has established such a strongly negative way in which you speak to one another and that shows within your communication.

Jachym: Now, the judgment doesn’t just go in the direction of your husband, it also goes into the direction of yourself. So another exercise that you can do is simply write down all the judgments you have about yourself, which leads us to the next topic because a lot of women have judgments against their body and their sexuality. And so it really pays off to look at those and look more closely at how am I perceiving myself. Because how do you think the polarity is going to be there, the sexual polarity is going to be there. When you yourself are seeing yourself in a negative light.  

And you don’t think that you’re attractive, beautiful, sexy, how do you think your husband will eventually perceive you? He’s not going to perceive you as the sexy woman that you are that’s inside of you. Because you are living in a way and moving your body in a way that’s actually hindering the expression of your sexuality to come forward and flow freely throughout your body and throughout your life and how you interacting with your husband. So pay attention to those judgments you have towards yourself and especially towards your body. And some of those judgments may even be like, Well, I’m just not a sexual person, or I’m not attractive, or I’m just not good enough for my husband or something like that, like these things, you want to look at them, especially the ones that look to you, like they are true, right? 

Which brings us to the next point, and that is, you want to connect to your body. Okay, sexuality is something that’s lived through your body. Yes, your mind is very important, in many ways. So it’s just saying out there that your mind is the biggest sexual organ there is. Because a lot of sexual drive can come through stories and fantasies and this kind of thing. And so that that is there’s some truth to that. Yet. There’s also great truth in actually being able to connect to your body to connect to the pleasure to connect to feeling what’s happening in your body and the energy within your body. Okay, without this connection, how are you going to express yourself towards your husband? How are you carrying yourself? When you greet your husband? 

Are you coming from a place of I’m just tired? And I just want to get you to know, the day over with? Or are you coming from a place of hey, it’s beautiful to see you love that you’re here? Are you coming from a place of softness where you are melting in his arms? When he embraces you and you’re responding to his case? Or are you coming from kind of a hard place within you, these are all questions you want to look at. And by the way, if you want to have help in reigniting the sexual polarity in your relationship, and really bring your relationship to the next level, then head over to your exceptional relationship.com/cherished. And you can check out our cherished wife program that we have, where we are covering all those bases. And we’re not making we’re making sure that we’re not just covering one aspect off of how to have your relationships like sexuality or arguments, we are really wanting to dive deep, make sure that you have a solid foundation within your relationship so that it is fulfilling and satisfying beyond your wildest imaginations.

Natasha: And next week, on the next episode, Episode 36, I’m going to be diving more deeply into this topic, and not just about connecting back to your body, but how to activate the feminine energy. So if that’s a perspective, and that’s a practice that you want to look further into, then join me next week for this episode. However, if you ever want the show notes or any of the resources that we mentioned, just head over to your exceptional relationship.com/35. Now there’s another point that we want to cover before the end of this episode. And it’s really crucial for how it can really reignite the sexual polarity within your men. 

A lot of people have intimacy issues, not just because it’s the one aspect of their relationship that isn’t going well. When that happens, it actually shows that maybe the relationship doesn’t have space to breathe is no longer a priority, and other parts of your life or certain conflicts within your relationship, something else is kind of infringing upon your marriage or your relationship. And it doesn’t have to be something like timewise that’s, you know, taking up all the time within your day or within your schedule, that is something very practical, but it could be something stress-related, right? where something is drawing a lot of energy away from you mentally or psychologically, and you no longer have that mental or emotional space to actually show up within your relationship. And that can be a huge hindrance to your intimacy, and it can really hurt the polarity too.

Jachym: Yeah, I mean, the way you can look at it is like, your relationship is like a flower and it needs air to breathe, it needs sunlight, it needs water, it needs nutrients. And so the same thing is true for your relationship. Your relationship needs love, it needs attention. And so if both of you are super busy, and you have very stressful work, and you have very little time for each other, then it’s no wonder that eventually the intimacy will dwindle simply because the energy that you have is all dedicated towards work and not towards each other anymore. And so if that’s the case, you really need to sit down and do start to think how can you make the relationship I get priority again Now I know this can be challenging if you have kids, especially if they’re very young. 

If you have a baby like we do right now, it can be really full-on. And it can be difficult to find that time. That’s not an issue because these times they pass. And yes, you can make pockets of time, even in those stressful times. But just know that it’s normal that when you are going through a rough period in your life, where there’s something that’s very energy consuming, that the relationship itself can have a more difficult time. So I wouldn’t take it as as a, basically as a death sentence for the relationship, but rather see there’s some a phase, see there’s a phase in the relationship, which is another really important point, that is that relationships go through phases. 

So you may go through a phase where sex is just simply not as important in your relationship. And you can go through a phase where it is much more important in your relationship. And the relationship goes through phases, it has also a certain depth that is gained over time. So trying to keep the same amount of sexual polarity that you had in the beginning. And look at it in terms of, for example, frequency, how often you have sexual interactions is really not beneficial for the relationship because it cannot grow and evolve, you’re basically trying to freeze it in time, rather than seeing how it’s growing and evolving over time, and how certain aspects fall away how new aspects come into their relationship, how certain aspects get deeper, and more mature and more fulfilling as well.  

And these things are really important because sometimes we’re so caught up in what’s not working. Which brings us by the way, right back to the judgments, which is basically the third area of judgments, which is your relationship, right? You’re judging your relationship, you watch some romantic movie, and you start thinking, well, if only my relationship was this way, or you see a couple and you think, well, if my husband would only treat me this way or that way. And that is another form of judgment is not appreciating what is here in the moment present in the relationship, what’s actually going well, and what you are grateful for to have in the relationship. So to reignite the sexual polarity. shifting your perspective towards gratefulness is really great practice.

Natasha: We know that a lot of the tips we have shared today, none of them are actually physical, right. And we’re talking about sexual polarity. Because it’s not about tactics, tactics, strategies, and like methods to replicate in order for your partner to come back to you. Because no one wants to be treated like a robot, right? No one wants to be press certain buttons so that they react a certain way. And then they’re suddenly in the mood that we’re human beings every day, we’re going to be different. 

And our needs are actually way more than just the physical when you’re looking at the sexual polarity. So that’s why we’re covering from things like outside stress to judgments which are happening inside of your head, and which then express themselves within your relationship. We’re looking at past conflicts, and we’re looking at taking up space and making really relationships your priority. And so many of these things. And maybe at first, if this is the first time you’re listening to us or this the first time you hear about sexual polarity and intimacy from this angle, you might be like, well, that’s not very tangible. 

Like how come those things don’t actually mention anything that I can apply within the bedroom, while your partner, your man doesn’t want you to replicate certain tips, just so that you know you are you and him are somehow in the right space to then I guess have to get it on or have some intimacy time. That that is not sustainable, right? We’re mentioning these tips that can actually help you in the long run. Because we’re setting the foundation for a marriage or relationship that is actually sturdy, right? We’re helping you to reconnect back to one another, to create space, and to make your relationships strong, and to get rid of the issues that keep perpetuating so that it no longer gets in between you and your partner. 

And then the sexual polarity can thrive again. And I think that a lot of people like yeah, Kim said really see that, you know, at the beginning, it used to be so simple and so on. Well, at the very beginning, your lives were quite intertwined in this way. And you weren’t as I guess, involved and interdependent on each other as you are now your lives are probably quite, quite complicated mesh together and the amount of time you’ve been together the experiences you’ve had together. So things are, you know, at this point, very different than, say, during the honeymoon phase, or when you first met one another, right? 

Now, your relationship and your intimacy actually take on a much more complex nature. And so how you actually approach one another will no longer be those tactics that I don’t know, dating coaches teach or pick up artists teach because that you’re not that simple anymore, right? So your two beings looking to reconnect and finding that love finding that connection, finding that trust again. And so this is the reason why our advice, and what we’ve shared on this podcast with you, at least on this episode, actually stems away beyond intimacy, we’re trying to help you rebuild the foundational pieces of your relationship so that the sexual polarity is naturally there again. And that is something that not all marriage coaches or counselors help with, we’re trying to help with the foundational pieces that make your marriage strong, your intimacy included. So that’s why we don’t give off, you know, these like little tips that you can apply here and there, which might not even feel authentic to you.

Jachym: Yeah, I think authenticity is really important. And it’s actually another little tip, I guess, that you can see, where are you putting yourself under pressure to perform or have to lift up to a certain expectation, because just as this relationship needs space, as it needs, attention, and love, it also needs space, from itself, basically, like, if you’re always together, it can also squash, the polarity, because you’re basically like magnets rubbing off each other, and eventually, come depolarize. So having time off from each other, and having time where you are spending, you know, by yourself to recharge is something that’s actually really important as well. 

So these are all, you know, the various things that we’re taking the look at. And the reason why we’re taking a look at it in from those angles is because when you look at the bedroom, that’s just one small aspect. But there are many things that happen outside of the bedroom, which then contributes to the dynamic within the bedroom as well. So it doesn’t make sense to just look at the bedroom. And what’s happening in there. It makes sense to look at the broader picture as well and see how are you relating during the day as well? Are you giving each other the space? Are you not obsessing over one aspect over your relationship and letting it breathe, not putting yourself under pressure to have to perform and have to have a certain standard again, that is a judgment actually. So look at those things. And with it, you will really start to uncover how you can have a relationship that feels good to you.

Natasha: That’s right. All the tips we’re giving you today are to help you to reconnect with that authentic and spontaneous and fun part of your relationship that you so miss. And so I want to end this episode on this note, I know that this topic could actually be quite sensitive to quite a few people actually, you know when we talk to our girlfriends, when we speak with people we like and trust and who we call our friends, there’s a lot of things we do want to share our grievances and troubles on our mind and our worries. But when it comes to what happens within our bedroom, we might be a little bit more hesitant to confide within our friends and share every detail and share our problems because it’s just something that isn’t it isn’t on the table with even those people who you’re close to, right. 

And so this is the reason why we find that so important that for those who needed, there is professional help for you. It doesn’t need to be an issue that you have to try to resolve and solve on your own. Other people are going through this and like I mentioned, it is so common and it happens to a lot of relationships as especially long-term relationships and marriages, right. And especially when you ride through different changes in life. Sometimes this is just a phase that you’re going through or sometimes it goes to show that it’s there’s an actual bigger problem happening within your relationship that you might not have realized before. Whichever case some of these things you might not want to share with your besties right It’s just uncomfortable. And when you read magazines, they share those tips that I mentioned before, right?  

And they might not feel authentic to you. And deep down, you might feel like you know, what I know is not going to resolve things if I practice that tip, right, and your gut instinct, if that’s what you’re feeling is absolutely right. Because sometimes there’s a lot more behind an issue, it’s just pointing towards to something bigger that’s happening within your relationship. So if professional help someone else’s opinion, or thoughts or guidance, someone who’s been there before, someone who knows actually what they’re doing, and has years of experience in change, where if that’s what you need, and you know, you’re a bit shy, you’re a bit scared, you’re uncomfortable talking to those who you know about it. 

And you need someone else’s perspective on it to really help you address and reignite the sexual polarity within your men, between you and your man, that makes sure to head over to your exceptional relationship.com For slash cherished in order to check out what we’re up to, and how we can help you because we know when there are taboo subjects like this, when a lot of the advice out there printed on magazines and was on the internet, a lot of it isn’t helpful and you could waste so much time applying all these tips that actually don’t get you anywhere.   

And it just makes you feel even more helpless and more hopeless about the situation that you’re going through. So we don’t want that for you. So please, if this is something that you think you need to look further into something that you finally want to resolve with within your relationship, then don’t hesitate and just reach out. Okay. And so that’s it for today. I’m Natasha and next week, I will be with you talking all about you ladies how to activate feminine energy.

Jachym: Thank you for joining us. Take care bye-bye.