A sport that is sweeping all of the well-heeled health clubs in the country is TOFU.
Tofu, what is that?
Well, other than a tasteless, and rather pointless meat substitute, it is Kung Fu, but where only Toffs can take part. Toffs are very rich, very successful people who do nothing less than tell people about how expensive their cars are and their golf handicaps.
A Toff is like Bertie Wooster, who has been to a very expensive school but who relies on Jeeves to get him out of trouble.
Although Kung Fu is a dangerous sport, it has been refined for TOFU, as too many broken bones and too much time amongst the hoi polloi is not what a Toff is looking for.
There are only three sports centres in the country that offer TOFU. They are all in London.
A spokesman for the sport, Quention Thistlethwaite III, said, “Oi, Oi, Saveloy! Tofu will be great, but not for the likes of you lot, you unwashed oiks.”