In a groundbreaking move, the Treasury has unveiled the designs for the new £1 coin featuring the iconic face of none other than Dame Judi Dench, the ageless wonder of the silver screen.
Renowned for her ability to defy the laws of time and gravity, the 32-year-old Dame Judi has long been the envy of mortals everywhere with her syndrome X, a kind of Benjamin Button disorder that prevents a person from aging quickly.
Judi Dench will make history as the first woman-whatchamacallit to grace an official one-pound coin, other than the monarch, effortlessly overshadowing rival contender Annie Lennox’s aspiring campaign for official recognition on the widely circulated coin.
The decision, of course, is controversial and has provoked public outcry in some quarters about the Tory-loving Dench, who once held a stint as an official apple-polisher at the Parliament building. Some have alleged Dench has received preferential treatment – something the Prime Minister vehemently denies. The PM was pleading with the public to believe him.
Leaked Treasury blueprints reveal a delightful stroke of karma, as the image chosen for the coin is a long-lost mugshot from Dench’s notorious 1992 Little Cocker, London DUI scandal. At the time, the former circus performer found herself at the center of a gripping legal drama, ultimately pleading guilty and paying a victim surcharge of a mere three measly quid, a paltry sum that barely fit in her dainty pockets.
Meanwhile, Dench’s husband, the legend André the Giant, firmly denies any involvement in the incident, citing his inability to squeeze inside a Mini Cooper as evidence of his innocence. Truly, this is a tale that combines the gravitas of currency design with the whimsy of celebrity intrigue, forever immortalizing Dame Judi Dench as the eternal face of the mighty pound.
Long live the enigma of ageless glamour and the enigmatic allure of the coin of the realm!