Long-term Emotional Abuse in Marriage: Signs, Effects, and Getting Help | Dr. K’s Advice – Couples Therapy Inc.

Dear Dr. K,

My husband of 45+ years has been accusing me of cheating on him and having affairs with many men, including family members whom I just talk to. This has been going on for nearly 40+ years. He calls me a prostitute, bitch, mad woman and every bad word that comes out of his mouth when angry. Sometime I fight back but sometimes I fear so I keep quiet as he becomes aggressive at times. I want to keep the marriage. What should I do?

Tired of Taking the Blame

Dear Tired of Taking the Blame,

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

You are describing domestic abuse and a violent, abusive relationship. Your husband has to want to change his behavior. You are afraid of your husband. No good relationship can improve in a context of fear and violence. NONE.

His name-calling and blaming you for talking to other men is designed to justify his damaging behavior. “It is your fault he is violent,” is the logic. Some men even drink or do drugs to justify the violence. They plan to be violent BEFORE they begin to drink or do drugs.

I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT .

As you have learned, fighting back intensifies the abuse. Your best plan of action is to learn more about Domestic Violence by calling National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

Do it today. 

Thanks for writing.

Dr. K