How your self-worth is holding you back – Irene Elias | Self Love Junkie

There’s an often overlooked yet profoundly significant aspect of our existence: self-worth. As we navigate through careers, relationships, and personal milestones, the question arises: Could it be your self-worth that’s holding you back?

Years ago, in the midst of my Manhattan mayhem, there I was, sitting at a bar, scotch on the rocks in hand, pondering the usual existential dilemmas—men, money, and the meaning of life. Little did I know, the answer to my life’s problems lay in an unexpected place: my self-worth.

If only I knew this sooner.

Let’s take a moment to define self-worth. It’s not just another buzzword floating around the self-help world like a feather in the wind; it’s the cornerstone of our very being. Self-worth is what you think you deserve in life—from relationships and money to friendships, career, and health.

It’s recognizing your inherent value without needing to be anything other than who you are. You simply have a deep knowing you’re worthy, regardless of where you’re at in life or what you do or don’t have.

Self-worth is that deep-seated belief about what we inherently deserve in life. Unlike self-esteem, which is more about how we feel about ourselves, self-worth doesn’t fluctuate or change. It’s a stable and steady pillar, like a favorite pair of jeans that never go out of style.

I’ve heard so many people say that their brain won’t let them believe or generate that feeling of value. That’s because self-worth is a heart thing, not a head thing. Just like we can’t feel God through the brain—it’s a feeling. It’s that warm, fuzzy, unmistakable feeling that you matter, just because you exist.

Unlike self-esteem, which is a bit like a high-maintenance friend—constantly needing reassurance and validation—self-worth is the quiet confidence that says, “I’m enough,” without any external accolades or achievements.

So, let’s demystify the confusion between self-esteem and self-worth.

SELF WORTH V’S SELF ESTEEM

Though often used interchangeably, self-worth and self-esteem are not the same. Self-esteem is the lens through which we view ourselves—our self-image and how we feel about ourselves. It’s like the seasonal fashion trend—sometimes it’s high, sometimes it’s low, depending on what’s in vogue or how you’re feeling that day. But self-worth? Self-worth is the classic little black dress. It’s timeless, unwavering, and fits perfectly, no matter the occasion, it won’t disappoint you.

Low self-esteem might mean you think badly of yourself, don’t like yourself as you are, and have a lot of negative self-talk. When experiencing low self-esteem, you might feel that you’re not able to handle what happens in uncertain situations. You feel that you are not enough. You might find it difficult to listen to your intuition, so you constantly ask others for advice about what to do in your life.

Self-esteem is also temporary—it fluctuates, and you’re never going to feel 100% high self-esteem 24/7 because there will always be something in your life that will make you feel less than and that you need to improve. You’re always striving for self-esteem, chasing it like the next Chanel bag that’s just out of reach.

For example; imagine being a first-time real estate agent at a top agency. You might feel some low self-esteem because you’re still refining your skills. But deep down, you know your worth. You recognize the value you bring to the table, the unique perspectives and fresh energy that only you can offer.

Your self-worth tells you that you belong there, even if your self-esteem wavers from time to time.

To add another confusing layer to this understanding, let’s consider self-confidence.

Self-Worth, Self-Esteem, and Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the outward expression of our skills and abilities—how we present ourselves to the world. While someone might exude high self-confidence, low self-worth can still undermine their internal narrative, leading to behaviors that ultimately hinder their success.

Picture this: you’re heading into a big meeting, feeling like you’ve got the world at your feet. Your presentation is flawless, your outfit on point, and your smile is contagious. That’s self-confidence—your ability to showcase your talents and handle situations with poise.

However, beneath that confident exterior, if you lack self-worth, you might still feel like an imposter. You might still believe that any minute now, someone’s going to tap you on the shoulder and say, “Your time is up.”

It’s like having a beautiful, shiny car (self-confidence) but lacking the fuel (self-worth) to keep it running. Without self-worth, that confident exterior can quickly crumble under pressure, revealing insecurities and doubts.

However, I’m not saying that you need only self-worth. Both elements are crucial for long-term success and well-being. Self-confidence helps in initiating actions and going for opportunities, while self-worth sustains motivation and satisfaction by ensuring that you feel deserving and valued in your pursuits. Together, they create a balanced foundation that empowers you to achieve and maintain your goals.

Let me share a personal example. At 21, I had the confidence to fly to LA on my own, ready to take on the world. I navigated the city and explored opportunities, but my low self-worth led me to settle into a toxic relationship which changed the experience for me. I didn’t believe I deserved better, so I stayed.

Similarly, I had the self-confidence to apply for jobs I had never done before. My low self-esteem made me doubt my abilities until I practiced the necessary skills and started feeling better about myself. But that feeling fluctuated, like a rollercoaster. Despite gaining experience and improving my self-esteem, I still didn’t see my value. I never felt worthy of a higher salary, even when I had the skills to back it up.

So, how do we balance this triad? By building up our self-worth, we lay the groundwork for healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. It’s about understanding that our value comes from who we are, not what we do or what others think.

When we know we are worthy, our self-esteem improves, and we can work on it without feeling like there’s something wrong with us. This makes our self-confidence more genuine, helping us navigate life’s challenges with a sense of self-assurance.

Do you suspect you might have low self-worth?

Recognizing Signs of Low Self-Worth

Here are some telltale signs:

• Imposter Syndrome: Feeling like a fraud despite your achievements.
• Constantly Seeking to Prove Yourself: Always trying to demonstrate your value to others.
• People-Pleasing: Basing your worth on others’ approval and constantly trying to please everyone.
• Lack of Boundaries: Struggling to say no and allowing others to overstep your personal limits.
• Financial Difficulties: Undervaluing your work and accepting less than you deserve.
• Addictions: Turning to alcohol, sex, gambling, or other vices to fill the void created by low self-worth.
• Fear of Failure: Avoiding new challenges because you’re afraid of not being good enough.
• Perfectionism: Setting impossibly high standards for yourself and feeling devastated when you can’t meet them. Everything always has to be perfect.
• Avoiding Intimacy: Keeping others at arm’s length because you fear they’ll see your “true” self and reject you.
• Comparing Yourself to Others: Constantly measuring your worth against other people’s successes and feeling inferior.
• Staying in Toxic Relationships: Remaining in harmful or unfulfilling relationships because you believe you don’t deserve better.

Telltale Signs of a Strong Sense of Self-Worth

• Healthy Boundaries: You can say no without guilt and respect your own limits.
• Contentment: You feel satisfied with who you are and where you are in life, without constantly seeking external validation.
• Resilience: You recover quickly from setbacks and don’t let failures define your worth.
• Healthy Relationships: You maintain relationships that are based on mutual respect and value.
• Self-Compassion: You treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during tough times.
• Pursuing Passions: You engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, regardless of others’ opinions.
• Financial Self-Respect: You demand fair compensation for your work and know your professional value.
• Confidence in Decision-Making: You trust your intuition and make decisions confidently without second-guessing.
• Embracing Imperfections: You recognize and accept your flaws as part of your unique self, without harsh self-criticism.
• Lovable: Embracing that you deserve love and affection.
• A Sense of Belonging: Feeling accepted and valued in your relationships and communities.
• Valuable: Recognizing your intrinsic value and contributions.
• Consistent Self-Validation: You validate your own feelings and experiences without relying on others’ approval.
• Assertiveness: You communicate your needs and desires clearly and confidently.
• Self-Care: You prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being regularly.

Final thoughts:

Self-worth is our birthright. We come into this world with an inherent sense of worthiness. However, life’s experiences—whether a teacher’s harsh criticism, a parent’s divorce, or more severe traumas—can erode this sense of worth. We begin to question our value, lovability, and right to happiness. When we are hurt by others, feeling lovable becomes an uphill battle.

But we can embark on the journey of healing. Inner child work, therapy, and self-reflection can help us reparent ourselves, providing the love and security we may not have received in our formative years. By addressing the root causes of our low self-worth, we can begin to reclaim our inherent value.

Wherever you are in the world right now, every moment offers a chance to redefine yourself. Take a step back and ask: Is it your self-worth, self-confidence, or self-esteem getting in your way?

And more importantly, what can you do today to start believing in your own worth again? Because in the end, you are worthy. Always have been, always will be.

The journey to recognizing your worth isn’t always linear—it can surprise you with sudden epiphanies or unfold gradually over time. Self-worth isn’t about reaching some final destination; it’s about the ongoing process of self-discovery and self-love. It’s about looking in the mirror and saying, “Hey, I’m flawed, but I’m not worthless.”

It’s about embracing who you are, flaws and all, and knowing that you deserve love, respect, and success just as much as anyone else.

Self-confidence gets you through the door, but self-worth affirms that you belong in the room and determines how long you stay.

Love,
Irene

PS: If you’re ready to own your worth, secure your spot on the waitlist for my upcoming course,
BEST SELF ALIGNED Get ready to step into  the woman you were always meant to be! Jo SIGN UP FOR WAITLIST. Plus, as a special bonus, you’ll receive a free guided visualization on becoming your best self. Don’t miss out on this transformative opportunity! GRAB IT HERE NOW