What Is Teenage Bullying Like Today?

Have you ever watched an old high school movie — say, “Mean Girls,” “The Breakfast Club” or “Clueless” — and been shocked by the insults the teenagers in the film hurled at one another? Did they use names and terms that you and your friends wouldn’t dare use today?

If so, do you think members of your generation are nicer to one another than those of previous generations? Or is bullying just different now?

In the Opinion essay “‘Mean Girls’ Has Lost Its Bite. Girls Haven’t,” Jessica Bennett writes that while teenagers today are more aware of the importance of inclusivity, they still aren’t as kind as the new “Mean Girls” musical movie makes them seem. Instead, thanks to technology, teenage torture has become more subtle:

Passive aggression isn’t just “No offense, but” before delivering a stinging insult. It’s a soft block (blocking, then unblocking on social media, so that the person no longer follows you and then wonders why) for just a hint that you’re mad or removing people from a close friends group on Instagram, so that they can no longer view your Stories — but without ever telling them, so they are left to wonder what happened.

People get dropped from group chats or are abandoned as new ones are started. Stealth meanness can be as covert as tagging someone in an unflattering photo or as clever as posting a celebratory birthday post for your bestie — but one that’s purposely less effusive than the one you posted for your other friend.

“The phones make everything more exclusive,” said Poppy, 13, of New York. “When people leave others ‘on read’ even for a little” — she’s talking about having a text sit unanswered — “it can hurt the other person’s feelings even if that’s not the intention.”

Hearing about the unwritten rules of today’s cafeteria dynamics made me almost pine for the simplicity of “you can’t sit with us.” A teenager in Michigan told me she unfollowed a classmate on Instagram because the girl had liked what she posted too quickly. It was “too thirsty,” she said. Another teenager, in Maryland, explained how a former friend would use their text chats as a way to constantly shift from hot to cold — acting friendly at school, then leaving her texts unanswered, then texting all night in minute-to-minute flurries, then ghosting her for days on end, leaving her on her phone and in her feelings, ruminating (something girls are more prone to) on the unanswered messages.

Emily Weinstein, a social scientist at Harvard who studies how technology is shaping adolescents’ lives, notes that it’s the ambiguity that can make this kind of aggression so much more insidious, leading to a “perpetual state of second- and third-guessing.”

Students, read the entire article and then tell us:

• Does Ms. Bennett’s essay resonate with you? Have you experienced or witnessed — or maybe even committed — any of the forms of exclusion and aggression she mentioned?

• Based on your observations, what is teenage bullying like today? Is Ms. Bennett’s description accurate? Is there anything she missed? If she had interviewed you for this piece, what would you have told her?

• Poppy, 13, of New York, said, “The phones make everything more exclusive.” Do you agree? How do phones affect your relationships with your peers, if at all?

• Ms. Bennett writes, “Adults and teenagers alike are more aware of the importance of inclusivity and more attuned to the seriousness of subjects that used to be treated as fodder for jokes.” Do you think that’s true? Why or why not?

• “Mean Girls,” of course, focuses on girls’ mistreatment of one another. But Ms. Bennett writes that “such behavior is by no means limited to girls.” This article from 2015 states, “It’s no surprise to learn that boys are more likely than girls to use physical aggression, but we also know that boys surpass girls when it comes to attacking peers verbally and engaging in cyberbullying.” Does this surprise you? Or is it true to your experience? Why do you think we view bullying among girls differently from how we view bullying among boys?

• How much of a problem is bullying among students at your school? What would you want your parents, teachers, school administrators or other adults to know about it?

Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public and may appear in print.

Find more Student Opinion questions here. Teachers, check out this guide to learn how you can incorporate these prompts into your classroom.