Love is Blind Episodes 7-9: Gold Cups and OCD – Charlotte Magazine

{Read the first six episode recap here.}

The Love is Blind Season 6 cast members have shed their blankets and, after a quick jaunt to the Dominican Republic, are back home in Charlotte. This is when the reality show delivers on the reality of relationships.

Here are six things that made me yell at my TV, and four relationship mirrors from the recently released episodes from this reality TV-embracing, former marriage-resistant, married mother of two:

Things That Made Me Yell  

1 – Gold stainless steel stemware: Gold cups have replaced blankets as the overused relic of the show. I just want to ask production: Why? Why are we carting these glasses from the pods, to the Dominican Republic, back to their homes in Charlotte, and out to every bar and restaurant? I’m no sommelier, but I imagine this distorts the taste of wine. Is it an attempt to conceal what is in the glass? Or is it some sort of product integration deal with the stainless-steel industry? Why is no one allowed a real glass?! Margaux’s, Goodyear House, and Queen Park Social—please call me. I need to know why they insisted on using their own glassware in your establishments.

2 – Cell phones as pacifiers: We are all addicted to our phones. But I hope everyone sees how infantile and mindless we look. I almost broke my TV when Brittany stood in front of Kenneth crying, and the camera pulls back to show he is scrolling through his phone. The moment Laura storms out of the room after her confrontation with Jeramey, he immediately picked up his phone and began scrolling. It is the adult version of thumb sucking. STOP IT.

3 – Jeramey wants his lawyer: When Laura confronts Jeramey about his whereabouts the night before, he shows himself as guilty. When she corners him with the fact that his location showed he was not at Lost & Found as he claimed but north of Uptown, where Sarah Ann resides, his response that he didn’t want to discuss it right then was the equivalent of stopping a police interrogation and asking for a lawyer.

4 – “Obsessed” is the new “journey”: Girls, stop. You can just say “I like that,” or “Your top is pretty,” or some other complimentary adjective. The word “obsessed” means “to have an intrusive preoccupation to a troubling extent.” If you were actually obsessed with the litany of things you claim obsession over, you would need to be institutionalized. If you really want to fawn over something, become obsessed with vocabulary expansion.

5 – Birth control options: Condoms, IUDs, diaphragms, spermicide, cervical caps, the morning-after pill for broken condoms or pull-outs without precision—we have lots of birth control options that don’t involve hormonal or surgical measures. I cannot understand why Johnny and Amy are talking in extremes, as if the only options are birth control pills or a vasectomy. Again, as the other young couple, they are so wise to be thoughtfully discussing these things, but the fact that they have yet to consummate their relationship over this issue is mind-blowing. In fact, there’s a place to start while you figure this out.

6 – How OCD can you be? Help me understand how Jeramey can be so meticulous about labels facing the same direction yet have massive holes in the crotch and thigh of his shorts. Did anyone else catch that when he and Laura were cuddling on his bed?

Love Is Blind Relationship Mirrors

1 – Courtroom arguments: Reality TV can be mindless, but it can also be really helpful if you watch it with a willingness to see yourself. In these Love is Blind episodes, we’re seeing the couples argue for the first time. And many of their arguments play out just as ours do. Rather than hear what a person has to say and try to understand, many of us, like Jimmy, Chelsea, Clay, and AD, interrupt with objections to the court, then present our own countercases to the jury. But in relationships, there are no judges, juries, or verdicts. No one loses anything by listening and conveying that the other person has been heard. Just like no one wins by trying to convince the other person that what they are feeling is wrong.

2 – Truth prevention: AD and Chelsea (as well as Jess in earlier episodes) offer wonderful case studies in how to disincentivize honesty in relationships. When someone is being open and honest with you, and you respond in panic, defensiveness, or interrogation, you are giving the message that you are not safe and secure enough to hear the truth. A lot of us parents do this with children, then wonder why they don’t feel comfortable coming to us when something bad has happened or they’ve made a mistake. If you’re unable to reward honesty with gratitude and understanding (like Brittany and Kenneth), you might want to consider if you actually really want it. If you’re lucky enough to have someone tell you the truth, you better fix your face and take a deep breath to receive it. When men/children say she/my parents do(es)n’t understand me, this is where that starts.

3 – Roadkill vs. Hunting: I’m going to spare myself angry reader mail by taking gender roles out of this. But for the sake of the show parallels, Chelsea and AD offered us a glimpse of how we sabotage desire in relationships. We tend to value only what we have to work for. It is in our nature to have to hunt and gather for our food. So when someone in a relationship is unbusy, sitting around, waiting to be eaten, it is akin to prehistoric man having roadkill dropped right outside the cave. It’s a welcome surprise on occasion, but it is unappealing for regular feedings. This can be confusing for women, as we assume that being ready and willing for sex or desirous of affection would be attractive for men. But if the bounty is always there waiting to be consumed, and worse, complains and criticizes over the lack of appetite, mealtime loses the thrill of pursuit and becomes more of an obligation. This doesn’t mean we should play games or withhold. It just underscores the importance of having full and active individual lives that seek opportunities to connect, not actively seeking to connect because our own lives lack fullness. Today, I know that, absent a serious issue, if the tickertape of my own thoughts is full of what my husband is or isn’t doing, I don’t have enough going on in my own life.

4 – Let’s talk about OCD: We tend to overuse the OCD diagnosis, and I’m not equipped to determine whether any of the cast has it. But it’s fair to say Jeramey exhibits extreme tidiness and rigid order. He admits that this standard of living is a necessity, and a person who does not adhere to his standard would produce feelings of rage, intolerance, and disgust. This is a relationship killer, and not because of the high bar most people would struggle to clear. It’s because it is a control-based coping mechanism that values order over people. And any coping mechanism—whether maniacal order, booze, food, sex, etc.—is an attempt to avoid something within. What’s being avoided is what must be cleaned up to have a healthy, functioning, and fulfilling relationship, not the kitchen sink.

Lastly, on Brittany and Kenneth: This was a sad one to see end. As one of the youngest couples on the show, they also seemed to approach their relationship with the most maturity. They were able to have honest conversations with respect and with the emotional fortitude not to personalize and be defensive. Brittany, like many well-meaning white people, could not fully appreciate what an interracial relationship would mean for Kenneth and their future children. She thought if she just doused them in enough positivity and sunshine, they would be fine, not understanding that Kenneth is not afforded the same privilege, as the potential consequences he faces are far more complex and even dangerous. Once it was clear to him that she didn’t fully understand that, the switch was flipped, and he went cold. It was sad to watch their breakup and made me sad for us as a society.

Love is Blind Episodes 10-11 release on February 28, and they look spicy.