A lack of intimacy can be a sign of a bigger problem, but sometimes it’s as simple as wrongly assuming your spouse feels intimate in the same way you do. Ask your spouse what activities make them feel intimate if you’ve never done so. You might be surprised by their answer.
You may find that for your spouse, intimacy equals sex. Or you may find that they have a long list of activities that don’t include sex at all like, holding hands, snuggling, hiking together, or watching movies. Perhaps an uninterrupted conversation makes them feel more intimate than physical touch. Or maybe their list includes movie-watching and love-making!
If intimacy is lacking in your marriage – for any reason, biblical marriage counseling can help. Sometimes a third party is needed to ask good questions and help draw out the answers we’re often too insecure to give. This will also help uncover any underlying problems that may be contributing to this problem.
6. You’re struggling with infertility.
Infertility can leave couples feeling hopeless and helpless. The thought of having a baby can become all-consuming and fill them with anxiety and depression, as well as feelings of shame, guilt, and worthlessness. Infertility can cause division in marriage. As emotions run high, it’s easy for couples to blame one another or lash out in anger. It’s easy for sex to become a chore associated with disappointment. Prolonged sadness can lead to a lack of intimacy of every kind.
Infertility can also cause a crisis of faith. It’s easy to question God’s love for you, to wonder if he hears your prayers or if he’s punishing you for something. Marriage counseling can help you process the pain, learn how to support one another, and look to the future with hope and expectation.
7. One or both of you has experienced past abuse or trauma.
We all bring baggage from our past into our marriage. The problem is, we don’t always realize how that baggage affects our relationship with our spouse. As a biblical counselor, I have seen people who have suffered abuse/trauma, sought counseling, and considered themselves free from that past experience. Yet, to their surprise, the current problems in their marriage were directly linked to that experience.
If you or your spouse has suffered abuse or trauma of any kind, there’s wisdom in talking through that experience with a counselor. Let them help you assess the health of your marriage and whether or not your past is affecting your present. Because there are endless counseling options available to us, it’s easy to simply choose a counselor based on price or proximity. However, if you find that marriage counseling is something you need, I highly suggest seeking out a biblical counselor.
God’s Word speaks to any and every problem you will ever encounter in your marriage. Why not invest in your marriage by seeking wisdom and guidance from your Heavenly Father. Consider allowing God to guide you, through the service of a biblical counselor, to a stronger, healthier marriage. His grace is enough, His Word is sufficient, and His love for you is everlasting.
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Beth Ann Baus
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