5 Tips for Lasting Relationships

I woke up this morning thinking about relationships—the ebb and flow. Sorry, occupational hazard!

We all have felt that lightning bolt—that fast attraction that we hope won’t burn out fast. Or perhaps it was a slow burn that finally erupted into a major relationship.

So, while the majority of the time I focus on dating, considering over 60% of my clients are in relationships, I’d like to talk about how to keep the flames lit today. I think some of these could be useful in any type of relationship and dating too.

1. You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it.

Ha! Oh, really? This reminds me of my mom after my broken engagement in my 20’s when she told me just to pray and a good man would appear. Or she’d pray for me.

Wrong. Inertia gets you nowhere! From being in the dating business as a dating coach (wow, that felt weird to say but true) for over 25 years, the only time I know of a single meeting someone while sitting at home was a client who had a kitchen fire…and yes, met the fireman. We don’t live in Hallmark Movies and it takes effort and fortitude

2. Go where people do the same things that you like.

I had a client determined to meet/date/get married over a six month period. Trina* decided golf was her best option. Guess what? Not only did she dislike golf, she abhorred every sport. But she decided that was where the men were. Two months later she called me seeking dating consulting help. After she told me about her miserable foray into golf (she could not stand the golf attire), she retired from golfing. *name changed

Trina is a multi-media artist, loves fashion, paints, sculpts and has absolutely no sports coordination. So, how did I help? Well, beside the obvious (writing her profile, getting her on the right dating site, etc. etc.), I found a meet-up group for glass blowers. Yes, you heard me right. It was full of artists taking a 6-week glass with a renowned Murano glass blower and she finally was with “her people”. She was happy…and happy people find relationships! Now, I can’t say she’s married yet, but she is in a serious relationship with a violinist she met there.

3. Happy people meet people…. easily

Amen to this. So true. I can have a 68-year-old sunny female client having 2 dates per week while another (beautiful) 45-year-old with a negative attitude wondering why she’s been dateless the past month. Now, I’m not a psychologist—so if you have issues, got to the pros. If you’re fairly happy, come to me.

4. Caution with the “opposites attract” concept

No doubt in some cases this is sound. It’s exciting to meet someone with new and different interests. But the core of a good strong relationship remains in three factors: communication, common values and chemistry. All 3 need to be present, otherwise this concept is a recipe for disaster.

5. Take time to be alone.

This also includes taking time to be with your friends and family. Yes, once in a relationship your partner is a priority, but you have your own identity and interests. This constantly reminds me of “that girl” we all knew in high school—after a two-year-boyfriend, the next week she has another. That’s insecurity and it won’t work in a relationship!

If you are in a relationship, fantastic. If you are not and would like to be, I firmly believe we live in the best time with the most options to meet people outside of our normal social circle. Last year, 1/3 of marriages came from online dating. Pretty darn encouraging!

Yes, it takes a bit of work, but so does everything worthwhile, yes?

Happy Dating,

Andrea McGinty

Dating Coach/Dating Counselor

Founder, It’s Just Lunch and 33000Dates.com

(Photo: Fenway Park Oct 2022)