45 Weird Laws Still on the Books

You go about your day trying to be a good citizen, but you have no idea how many laws you’re probably breaking. Maybe you’re throwing snowballs, yelling at an umpire, or using high-tech equipment to make sure your shoes fit right. You know, everyday stuff. Just to be safe, check out this list of 45 weird laws—adapted from an episode of The List Show on YouTube—so you know what not to do.

You read that right. In 2009, Vermont made it illegal for groups like neighborhood associations to ban clotheslines owing to their perceived unsightliness. It became known as the “right to dry law.”

Wisconsin has a law that you cannot “propel any stone, brick, or other missile at any railroad train” lest you sustain a Class B misdemeanor charge. This could mean that you can technically drop a brick onto a railroad train, but no one’s ever tested it.

In Arizona, you cannot manufacture or distribute “imitation controlled substances,” which could be why they didn’t film Breaking Bad there. (It’s also because fake drugs can have unknown ingredients that can be deadlier than the real thing.)

Blasphemy laws used to be very common in the United States, but there are still some in existence, including in Michigan, where cursing God is a G**-d*** misdemeanor.

Allowing dogs to pursue big game [PDF] mammals, such as bears or bobcats, is illegal in California—unless you’re a federal, state, or local law enforcement official.

Bad news for ear-chompers: MMA contests in Utah cannot feature any biting.

If you’re over 16, it’s against to law to swear at players or officials during sporting events in Massachusetts or suffer a $50 fine. That must mean at the end of every Red Sox game, 37,000 people owe money.

In Maine, it’s illegal to check into a hotel using a false name. So no, you cannot register as Seymour Butts.

And speaking of false identities, at public places in Alabama, you cannot pretend to be a minister, nun, priest, or rabbi if you aren’t one, thereby making productions of The Sound of Music technically illegal. Unless the nuns are played by nuns, that is.

This one isn’t technically still on the books, but it just got changed. Thanks to a precocious 9-year-old boy, it’s finally legal to throw snowballs in a Colorado town known for its snow.

In Texas, officials aren’t allowed to be “excluded from holding office on account of his religious sentiments, provided he acknowledges the existence of a Supreme Being.” While it’s on the books, the provision is superseded by the U.S. Constitution and has never been enforced.

That’s great news if, like some, you find Bingo boring after four minutes.

In Indiana, you’re not allowed to sniff toxic vapors of any kind (including glue) with, “intent to cause a condition of intoxication, euphoria, excitement, exhilaration, stupefaction, or dulling of the senses.” So if you’re doing it for other reasons, that’s fine.

Spitzer. Giuliani. Weiner. Paterson. FDR. They all did something punishable by up to 90 days in jail and a $500 fine.

Rhode Island has a law against biting off the limbs of another person. No, you can’t cut them off, either, though presumably surgeons are exempted.

The Gateway Sexual Behavior Law in Tennessee prevents teachers from discussing anything that might be considered a “gateway” to sex. That includes kissing and hand-holding.

When they sang, “The eyes of Texas are upon you,” they meant that the state already has a pair and doesn’t need to buy yours. It’s not just eyes, either. It’s illegal to sell any of your bodily organs.

In South Carolina, dance halls are not allowed to be within a quarter-mile of a rural church or cemetery.

South Carolina also requires their dance halls to be closed on Sundays. It’s almost like they don’t like dancing.

As a matter of public safety, the state wanted to curb people’s ability to throw “hurricane parties,” which are apparently a thing in Florida. At least two counties have enacted the ban: In 2018, both Gulf County and Bay County locked down booze sales following Hurricane Michael.

It’s illegal to discount booze or do anything that might promote overindulgence, so Happy Hour is right out.

Fluoroscopes used to be common in shoe stores in the 1920s to 1950s to visualize the foot. Then people realized that maybe getting zapped with radiation for back-to-school shopping wasn’t the best idea. Washington banned it just in case anyone was going to be stubborn about it.

You literally cannot shoot fish in a barrel in Wyoming, where they have a law against fishing with firearms that specifically says you cannot “wound” the fish with a gun, either.

The state has a ban on playing R-rated movies specifically at drive-in theaters. Why? When pornographic and violent films grew more prevalent in the 1970s, some parents complained the imagery could be seen by kids from a distance. However, it’s probably unconstitutional and no one enforces it.

Attempting to “corrupt public morals” by arguing or drinking in public makes you guilty of a misdemeanor in Florida. How high is the bar here, exactly?

That’s during a calendar year, which presumably means you could spend 178 legal days crashing on your boat from October to March.

No word on whether Serious String is still allowed. Selling or using the silly stuff in public places comes with a $99 fine. The ban came after a 1995 Apple Harvest Festival, where children “wreaked havoc” with the goop.

Even if you’re really frustrated because you paid for those Cool Ranch Doritos, and you desperately need those Cool Ranch Doritos, you cannot take your frustrations out on the machine.

In Wisconsin, “no person may require an individual to undergo the implanting of a microchip.” Only in Wisconsin? Can we take this thing national?

This is probably the best idea when it comes to preserving the natural beauty of the region.

Planning to mesmerize people? Absolutely do not do it with your storefront signage or out on the street or at your theater’s ticket booth.

You’ll have to vanquish vampires somewhere else. You also can’t hop the fence to get in [PDF] or bring a picnic lunch.

The law says, “No person who is afflicted with a venereal disease shall marry in this state.” As you’re probably guessing, that’s a tough one to enforce, so if you get a marriage license without being detected, the marriage license still counts.

The hazards of using tanning beds must be posted conspicuously next to every single tanning bed.

Which makes sense. If you’re running away from an alligator in the library, you don’t want to have to stop to pull a door open.

So what’s even the point of visiting?

Sounds silly, but cyclists get why. A car door can be a hazard to anyone on two wheels.

Oregon also has a law preventing improper disposal of human waste while you’re on the road, so if you’re traveling with containers of urine through Oregon, don’t toss them out. (And no, you can’t gently set them down, either.)

You also aren’t supposed to hunt, shoot, play cards, or race that day. You also can’t promote or engage in a bear wrestling match (any day).

When the monarch butterflies make their annual pilgrimage to town, give them a wide berth. Look with your eyes, not with your hands, people.

EMS workers aren’t allowed to tend to pets: A bill was passed in 2022 to allow them to treat police dogs who are injured in the line of duty.

You can’t “recklessly” sell cat hair, either, nor “any product made in whole or in part” by your furry friends’ fur.

According to code 10.04.200, you can be fined $500 for your tire noise, so drive politely out there.

If you’re planning to rob a bank, you’ll get in double trouble if you’re wearing bullet-resistant gear during the stick-up.

Once that train enters Ohio, tequila for everybody [PDF].

A version of this story ran in 2013; it has been updated for 2023.