18 Friends With Benefits Rules To Swear By

Relationships are great but have you tried mind-blowing sex without any emotional baggage or attachment? With the right friends with benefits rules, you can enjoy that with someone you know and trust. ‘Rules’ being the operative word here.

That’s because, if left unbridled, friends with benefits (FWB) equations can become tricky to handle. What if one person develops feelings for the other and wants more than just no-strings-attached hook-ups? What if you stop feeling it with your friend with benefits and want out? What if they find someone and want to move on?

That’s why laying some ground rules is a must for friends who’re inclined to get intimate without being in a relationship. It prevents a fun, casual thing from turning into a complicated mess.

18 Friends With Benefits Rules To Swear By

So, you’re happily single and want to keep it that way but there is a friend who leaves you feeling weak in the knees every time you lay eyes on them. You get a sense that they too feel the same way. You have the perfect setting to get a friends with benefits relationship going.

But don’t jump the gun just yet. Before you hook up with this person that you find irresistible, get a contract with friends with benefits rules in place. Wondering what does ‘Friends with benefits rules’ even mean? By rules, we mean setting expectations and understandings. By contract, we don’t mean an actual written contract. But definitely a clear, concise understanding of what this equation means for both of you and where you want to draw the line.

To help you get started, here are 18 friends with benefits rules you can swear by:

1. Define friends with benefits meaning

Well, broadly, the friends with benefits meaning is pretty self-explanatory. You’re friends who hook up with each other from time to time. However, the specifics of such an equation can mean different things to different people. Thus, the foremost of the friends with benefits rules for guys and girls is to define the relationship you’re in.

A study on FWB defines the term as, “Framed as casual, it is about sex among friends; one that brings together friendship (i.e. psychological intimacy), and physical closeness void of romantic liaisons.”

Perhaps, you view it as a quintessential shoot and scoot arrangement whereas your friend may want to stay for a shower, smoke, glass of wine, or meal afterward. These little differences can become major irritants later on. Finding common ground right at the outset can ensure that experience is breezy, casual, and fun for both parties involved.

Related Reading: What Do Guys Think Of Their Female Friends?

2. Always seek consent

Now that you’re boning, it doesn’t mean you can take asking for consent for granted. Don’t just show up at your friend’s place expecting some action without any forewarning. Or push for something they’re not ready for while you’re both in bed.

Consent is one of the most crucial aspects of a friends with benefits rules contract and neither party must take it lightly at any time. If you cross a line in the heat of the moment, you risk hurting the other person for life and jeopardizing not just a perfect arrangement but also your friendship.

On the flip side, don’t feel you’re obligated to say yes to things you’re not comfortable with just because you’re sleeping with this person.

3. Discuss the element of exclusivity and friends with benefits boundaries

When entering a friends with benefits arrangement with a buddy, do discuss expectations about sleeping with other people. How far do your friends with benefits boundaries go? While this is not a relationship, expectations can take hold in intimate connections such as these. Besides, some people just aren’t comfortable with the idea of their sexual partner having multiple partners.

An honest conversation on this aspect is warranted while creating your friends with benefits contract.

4. Always use protection

One of the biggest friends with benefits rules for guys, this one should be a big deal to girls as well. Whether or not you’re sleeping with other people, using protection is non-negotiable in such an arrangement. You’re both likely to have had sexual partners in the past, will have others in the future, and at some point, either of you may end up hooking up with someone else while still sleeping with each other.

It’s not hard to see how this can expose you to the risk of STIs and STDs. So, it’s best to err on the side of caution and not get reckless in the heat of the moment. Highlight this in red when establishing friends with benefits rules in high school, since it becomes much easier to ignore the importance of protection under the guise of exploration in those years.

5. Pay attention to your personal hygiene

Just because you’re not dating this person, it doesn’t mean you get to be a slob in the bedroom. Even if she’s not your girlfriend, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have to groom yourself for her. Don’t show up with prickly pubes, stained undies, armpit hair, or garlic breath. Take time to groom yourself as you would if you were going to get down and dirty with a romantic partner.

Even if you two are besties and they know you all too well, make this one of your best friends with benefits rules anyway. Expect your friend with benefits to do the same. It doesn’t hurt to spell it out when setting friends with benefits rules, just so that you are both on the same page.

6. Let yourself go

The best part about such unconventional alliances and setting FWB rules is that they excite you and stroke your carnal urges a whole lot more than a traditional relationship. So, revel in that rush you feel and let yourself go when in bed with your friend with benefits.

Speak your mind, let them know what you desire, don’t hold yourself back from exploring new things. The whole friends with benefits meaning is lost if you miss out on this part. I mean, isn’t getting to let go the whole point?

Related Reading: Got Friendzoned? Believe Us It’s Great for You!

7. Don’t do coupley stuff

It’s one thing if you and your friend with benefits have always hung out and are used to spending a lot of time together. But if this person is someone you shared a casual friendship with before, be wary of venturing into the couples’ territory. Friends with benefits boundaries are crucial if you want to avoid things getting messy.

This means no going to the movies or shopping together, taking each other out on dates, having lunch, or getting coffee. These interactions are breeding grounds for emotional intimacy. Since you’re already physically intimate, getting emotionally close can instantly put your equation into the complicated territory.

8. Avoid flirting in public

This is especially important if you’re friends with benefits at the workplace or sleeping with a friend who is part of your gang. No matter how much you’re turned on by each other’s presence or how high the sparks are flying, avoid flirting in public. Also make this one of your friends with benefits rules in high school, where one rumor can go around flying and twisting the story completely.

If you can’t control yourself, use a more discreet medium like texting. That way you can get the message across without raising eyebrows. Besides, the whole clandestine angle does make things a lot more exciting.

Related Reading: What Does Exclusive Mean To A Guy?

9. Don’t introduce your FWB to family or friends

As far as friends with benefits rules go, introducing an FWB to your family or friends is a big NO-NO. That stuff is reserved for life partners only. By getting your family or friends involved in this arrangement, you risk complicating the situation by getting everyone’s expectations up. Not to mention the pain of dealing with the prying ‘what’s going with you guys’ questions.

If your friends and family already know the person you’re in a friends with benefits arrangement with, there is just no need to announce this aspect of your equation to them.

10. Steer clear of sleepovers

If you want to avoid dealing with possessive friends with benefits situations, steer clear of circumstances that can lead to emotional attachment. Having sleepovers certainly tops that list. When your FWB sleeps over, they may bring you coffee in bed the next morning. Or fix breakfast. You may shower together before getting ready for the day.

Developing emotional complications throughout the relationship occurred in 22% of participants, men and women equally, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/288701935_A_quantitative_study_of_friends_with_benefits_relationships

This just confuses things. So, have your share of fun, maybe top it up with a nightcap or a quick shower, and then, head home or say goodbye to them depending on where you’re at.

11. The same goes for cuddles and snuggles

Speaking of rules for friends who’re sleeping with each other and eliminating the chances of developing an emotional connection, cuddles or snuggling up after sex is also a no-no territory. It will leave you feeling all warm, fuzzy, and somewhat smitten with your FWB.

Leave the physical intimacy to just good sex. If you get all mushy, you know as well as we do that’s a recipe for disaster. Especially if you two are already very close and have been besties for years, make this one of your best friends with benefits rules. You don’t want to ruin a convenient arrangement and lose your best friend in the same day.

12. FWB texting rules – have space

Space is important in any relationship or connection you cultivate with another person. This is especially true for a no-strings-attached arrangement with a friend. So, when you lay the friends with benefits rules, factor in the element of space. That means no overly texting them or throwing a tantrum when they do not call you back.

There are some signs that you can look for like possibly an increased case of communication from either texting or calling. 

According to the director of clinical research programs at Felnett Health Research Foundation, Damian J. Sendler, Ph.D, if the rate at which you’ve been getting text messages from your fling started to increase, that’s a signal that you could be moving towards a real relationship.

One has to have FWB texting rules to not smother or annoy the other person. Steer clear from the ‘Good morning’ texts or texting them ten times a day. Make it explicitly clear that neither of you will put up with the other becoming too clingy. This will go a long way in managing expectations later on.

Related Reading: He’s married, I’m single and here’s how we are “just friends” in the most special way

13. Be open to new relationships

This thing you have going with your friend may be great but it is superficial and casual at best. It is best not to forget that. Don’t let it take up the space of a real relationship in your life. Be open to meeting new people, going out on dates, and starting a new relationship if the right person comes along.

This becomes especially crucial if you’re trying a long-distance friends with benefits arrangement.

14. Don’t be jealous

If your friend with benefits finds someone else or is putting themselves out on the dating scene, don’t let it make your insides turn with jealousy. Remind yourself that you’re not partners. As such, they’re not cheating on you or crossing any lines if they seek a deeper connection with someone else.

This is an especially important one to include in the long distance friends with benefits rules. Perhaps you’re in different cities and resort to texting to sustain your FWB relationship. It can become easy in this situation to be filled with rage when they actually go out with someone else. But there is no need to feel discarded! Your friends with benefits rules entailed that you two are free to seek anyone else romantically.

15. Space out your shenanigans

If you and your FWB are getting together every day for some hot, steamy action, it is only natural that you’d get used to each other’s presence in your life. That is the first step to getting attached to someone. This will cause a lot of pain and grief when one of you moves on.

That’s why spacing out your escapades is among the most important friends with benefits rules. This might be one of the rules you hate the most but you know it is essential to sustaining your arrangement.

16. Don’t fall in love

We cannot emphasize this one enough. When you’ve such an intimate connection with someone and begin to feel utterly comfortable in their presence, it is only natural that feelings may blossom at some point. If that happens, remind yourself why you decided to have a friends with benefits arrangement and not date them in the first place.

Results indicated that 60% of the individuals surveyed have had this type of relationship, that a common concern was that sex might complicate friendships by bringing forth unreciprocated desires for romantic commitment, and ironically that these relationships were desirable because they incorporated trust and comfort while avoiding romantic commitment

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-007-9211-2

This is a connection that yields a whole different kind of happy ending and you must never forget that. However, if you cannot rein your feelings in, you must come clean and fess up. How your FWB reacts to this development is up to them.

17. Accept the fleeting nature of this friends with benefits rules contract

You and your FWB cannot possibly continue doing this dance – no matter how scintillating it maybe – forever. There will come a point when either one or both of you will want out. To make sure that doesn’t leave you hurt and distraught, establish some clear ending friends with benefits rules.

A study published in Personal Relationships suggests that a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship only plays out how people want it to 17% of the time. Study authors Laura V. Machia and team point out that these relationships are unique in that they typically evolve into another type of relationship — either a more intimate one (a romantic relationship) or a less intimate one (a regular friendship). This potential to evolve poses a challenge when partners’ desired outcomes do not match.https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12307

This may include specifying at what stage or under what circumstances it’ll be acceptable to end this arrangement. Will you have an elaborate conversation or would a casual heads-up suffice? Would you go back to being friends afterward? Talk about these things before you take the plunge.

Related Reading: What Is A Significant Other And Why You Should Have One

18. Let things grow organically

In the rare event that both you and your FWB develop feelings for each other and want more than a sexual arrangement, there is no harm in cultivating this arrangement into a full-blown relationship. Provided there are no apparent red flags telling you otherwise.

Should you come to that point, let things advance organically rather than trying too hard to make a relationship come to fruition. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If not, you will just have to make your peace with it and move on.

With these friends with benefits rules, you can truly make hay while the sun shines on your sex life without getting your heart skinned. Just remember to keep your emotions in check and set your body free to live up to the experience to the fullest.

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