Texts From Tucker Carlson That Got Him Fired

“I hate the way you talk to me, And the way you cut your hair. / I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare. / I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. / I hate you so much it makes me sick, It even makes me rhyme. / I hate the way you’re always right, I hate it when you lie. / I hate it when you make me laugh, Even worse when you make me cry. / I hate it when you’re not around, And the fact that you didn’t call. / But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, Not even close, Not even a little bit, Not even at all.”