THE INFINITE—In a dominant electoral showing that stretched across the unified field of consciousness, author and politician Marianne Williamson successfully primaried President Biden Tuesday in all 63 counties of the Astral Plane, according to cosmic sources. “This win is sure to impact Williamson’s candidacy—not just on the Astral Plane, but on all theoretical planes of existence,” said 894Z0LP7, an ethereal projection of a political analyst from the Astral Plane, confirming that Williamson had far surpassed the votes for Biden, Rep. Dean Phillips (D-MN), and Zorbog the Blissful. “All the ballots of the outer dimension have been verified by the all-knowing cosmic egg, and the winner is clear: Williamson earned nearly 99% of the moons and stars from an amorphous population of transcendent souls, crushing the low-vibrating competition across the entire metaphysical vacuum. The incorporeal bodies have spoken—Williamson is the only presidential candidate who will enact real change in the quantum gap between being and nothingness. It’s a major upset for Biden, who will need to manifest a lot more focused psychic energy if he hopes to appeal to atmospheric demographics in the future.” At press time, Williamson’s campaign was attempting to downplay reports that she was polling behind Trump among both spiritual essences and disembodied flesh in the Bardo.
