A Death Doula Shares the Joyful 1-Minute Daily Ritual She Learned From the Dying

This article describes how a simple one-minute daily ritual can make your life more peaceful and joyful. But bear with me as I kick things off with a request that is the opposite of joyful: Picture someone with a terminal diagnosis facing the imminent end of their life. 

You’ve almost certainly imagined a sad scene with crying relatives, bitter regrets, and raging at fate. But according to Diane Button, a death doula who has spent decades guiding clients through the emotional and practical aspects of dying, our image of the usual deathbed mood is badly mistaken. There’s a whole lot more joy at the end of life than we expect, she insists.  

“It’s surprising, but people at the end of life are some of the most joyful people I’ve ever known,” Button told Greater Good magazine in an interview promoting her new book, What Matters Most: Lessons That the Dying Teach Us About Living. 

That joy comes, in part, because dying frees us from everyday worries. No one is thinking about their taxes or to-do list when they’re facing their mortality. But it’s also, she says, a reaction to the shortness of time. When people realize that they’re days on earth are limited, they proactively look for moments to savor. 

It’s a comforting image of the end of life. But according to Button, the joyfulness of the dying is also a lesson for the living. We could all stand to borrow a little bit of the mindset of the dying, Button feels. She’s developed (and personally adopted) a one-minute daily ritual to do just that.  

What the dying can teach the rest of us about joy

People at the end of life are “consciously looking for joy. They’re not stuck in the past and they’re not fixated on the future. They’re here, they’re present,” reports Button. 

Which sounds lovely. And familiar. Just about every self-help guru and happiness expert out there will tell you to practice gratitude and mindfulness. (Inc. writers too.) And for good reason. A bucketload of psychological research shows these practices to be some of the most effective happiness and well-being boosters out there. 

But as we all know, when you’re in the midst of a busy, stressful life, it can be incredibly hard to keep your mind on the positive and the present. 

You don’t want to have a grave medical diagnosis remind you of the importance of focusing on joy now. But most of us could use a gentler nudge to get out of our heads and appreciate the world around us. Handily, Button offers one that even the busiest of us can squeeze into our days. 

A 1-minute daily ritual to reset your perspective 

When Greater Good asked Button what changes she’s made in her own life as a result of her years spent working with the dying, she talked about “pausing to really take in something beautiful.”

That can happen spontaneously. Sometimes, Button says, she’ll just stumble upon a beautiful flower, smiling friend, or warm loaf of bread and take a moment to simply take in the experience. But she’s also created a simple daily ritual to actively cultivate these moments of savoring present joy.

“I was just spinning through life so fast that I wasn’t pausing to take it in. So, I’ve actually created a practice for myself where at least once a day I pause for a minute and stare at something beautiful, whatever I see. Really being there in that minute takes me away from the stress and the fast pace,” she explains. 

Science agrees

You might think a single minute of, literally or metaphorically, pausing to smell the roses couldn’t have a big impact on your life. But science suggests otherwise. 

University of California, San Francisco researchers asked volunteers to take one 15-minute walk a week around their local area to look for small examples of awe-inspiring beauty around them. Like Button, they just took a few moments to stare at things like dappled sunlight coming through leaves or kids laughing in a park.

It sounds like a tiny intervention. But those who tried it saw significant benefits compared to a control group who just went out for a regular 15-minute stroll. 

They “felt more socially connected, and reported bigger increases in positive emotions — including prosocial emotions such as gratitude and compassion, and also joy — while they were walking. The boost in prosocial emotions, specifically, carried through into everyday life. Daily distress also decreased more over time in the awe group,” reported the British Psychological Society Research Digest blog. 

Copy this daily ritual

Thinking like people facing the end of life seems like a surefire way to bum yourself out. But those who actually spend time with the dying insist the opposite is true. There is great wisdom — and great joy — to be found in taking a moment to see the world through the eyes of those facing the end of life. 

Button’s one-minute daily ritual is a simple, actionable way to do just that. The result, she insists, will be a greater appreciation for the pleasures of the moment and life’s many small joys.