Five members of the Oath Keepers, including founder Stewart Rhodes, are being tried in federal court for their role in the riots of Jan. 6, 2021. The Onion tells you everything you need to know about the Oath Keepers and their trial.
Q: Who are the Oath Keepers?
A: A group of patriotic citizens dedicated to defending the racist parts of the Constitution.
Q: What are the five members on trial for?
A: Seditious conspiracy to overthrow the government of the United States and littering.
Q: What were they doing at the Jan. 6 riot?
A: Peacefully attempting to hang Mike Pence.
Q: What do the Oath Keepers look for in a member?
A: Previous experience as a law enforcement officer who served lots of time on administrative leave.
Q: Who is their founder?
A: Stewart Rhodes, who believes citizens must stop government tyranny with citizen tyranny.
Q: Wait, that guy really went to Yale?
A: Point to Harvard.
Q: What are membership dues?
A: Five to 10 years in federal prison.
Q: Why are so many members former law enforcement?
A: Once you get used to carrying guns and scaring people, it’s hard to stop.
Q: How are they connected to the 2014 Bundy ranch standoff?
A: Many of Bundy’s cattle were early members of the Oath Keepers.
Q: What are the expected consequences for the group?
A: Winning a dozen or so seats in Congress in 2024.
