FLORENCE, ITALY—After a Tallahassee parent complained that pictures of Michelangelo’s David shown to a sixth-grade art class were “pornographic,” causing a principal to lose her job, officials from Italy’s Galleria dell’Accademia invited Florida students to come see some real porn Thursday. “If you thought David was obscene, just wait until you get a load of the sick shit we show our patrons after hours,” said Cecilie Hollberg, the museum’s director, who explained that in a darkened, curtained-off gallery at the back of the building, her institution housed a permanent collection of hardcore pornography that, unlike the famed Renaissance masterpiece, had absolutely no redeeming social value. “We’ve got something for everyone, including some real nasty stuff—porn with more jizz and more sloppy, stretched out holes than you’ve ever seen in your life. Let’s just say it’ll get you harder than any marble statue.” Hollberg went on to acknowledge that of the approximately 1.5 million people who visited the Galleria dell’Accademia each year, fewer than 5% even bothered to stop and see the David.
