“Stop, you’re destroying my store!”
Once Eagles fans have started vandalizing property, it’s best to evacuate to safety.
“You can’t park here, this is my living room.”
Sounds like loser talk.
“I can DD tonight.”
No need. They’re fine with drinking and driving.
“Please stop hitting me.”
You asked for it now, jabroni!
“I bet you can’t turn over my car and set it on fire.”
This is exactly how you get your car to be turned over and set on fire.
“Good game.”
Sportsmanship is seen as a sign of weakness in Philadelphia.
“Free drinks on the house!”
This will not end well.
“It’s amazing to have two Black quarterbacks in the Super Bowl, even if yours is so much worse.”
Hopefully, they’ll just focus on the racial milestone.
“Your secondary doesn’t have the hybrid skillsets required to counter the Chief’s 12 and 13 personnel RPO scheme.”
Football analysis that doesn’t center around “grit” and “winning mentality” will surely send any Eagles fan into a rage.
“My name is Tom Brady, and I defeated your team at the 2005 Super Bowl.”
This might understandably make them upset.
“No one on the Eagles is good enough to get a concussion.”
Heavily-concussed Eagles fans would beg to differ.
“Flags go up poles all the time, I’m not impressed when you do it.”
It’s best not to disrespect Eagles fans’ ability to climb a pole when their team wins.
“Do you murder the other teams’ fans before or after the game?”
They like to keep it a surprise.
“Sport is a sociocultural placeholder for the tribalistic catharsis that globalization has taken from us.”
Well look at la-di-da Mr. Ivy League over here talking about a globalization jawn.
“Jawn.”
No one in Philadelphia ever actually says jawn. It’s all a big conspiracy.
“Regardless of who wins, I’m just happy to watch the game with you.”
Pussy!
“Win or lose, you’ll still be living in Philly when the Super Bowl’s over.”
Best not to remind them.
