Nation’s Midsize Cities Announce They Have No Idea Who Their Mayor Is

OMAHA, NE—Standing tall as they proclaimed their ignorance and confusion, citizens of the nation’s midsize cities announced Thursday that they have no idea who their mayor is. “Let me guess: Is it Pete Buttigieg?” said Kevin Warder, spokesperson for a coalition that represents hopelessly clueless residents of communities with less than 500,000 people, including the cities of Omaha, Cincinnati, Cedar Rapids, Rochester, Durham, and Colorado Springs. “Hmm, I’m not sure. He’s probably white or Black or something. Does he have little glasses, or is that the governor? I thought maybe he was the guy who extended the light rail? Wait, we don’t have a light rail, what am I talking about?” At press time, the residents of midsize cities were reportedly rattled after discovering the existence of a city council.