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“After the England game [a 69-7 drubbing in Sunderland], I was walking around the field and an English fan in a Red Roses jersey called out my name and said, ‘You mean a lot to me watching you do this.’ She had a bag, too.
“I was just so tired and I felt horrible about all these other things, but to hear her say that me being open meant a lot to her and to her daughter was a really powerful moment for me. I cried.”
Bargell admits that having an ostomy bag is nobody’s idea of an ideal life choice.
“Sometimes I just hate it. I think any ostomate can tell you that it’s not the best thing ever every day. I hate having to wake up in the morning and do my bag change,” she says.
“Like any normal person, I have moments where I’m like, ‘Why me?’ Or wishing I didn’t have to deal with something extra.
“But I’m also really grateful that I’m healthy and can play rugby and eat food. When you go through that much illness, you understand that it’s a life-saver. It has given me my life back and more. So as much as I hate it, some days I love it.”
Bargell’s Instagram feed gives a remarkable insight, even to the point of showing her changing her bag and revealing her stoma. She spent a lot of time weighing up whether to post that video, but was convinced by her teammates to do so.
“I think when you look at other places on the internet, it can make you more scared,” she says. “People say horrible things about ostomies on the internet. People say horrible things about everything on the internet.
“But my teammates have no stigma or fear about it, so the way that they ask questions and want me to share, helps me feel confident that it’s the right thing for me to do.”
‘If anything, it has made me a better player’
The obvious question is whether a rugby pitch is a safe space for her. She plays with only a thin pad and a compression belt as forms of protection.
“Getting hit in my bag doesn’t hurt,” she says. “The bag only hurts me because of things that happen to all ostomates. The output is very acidic, so it’ll sometimes break down my skin right around my stoma, so that will be painful, but that’s not because I’m getting hit.
“One of the first questions I asked before I got the surgery was, ‘Will I be able to play rugby with a bag?’ And my surgeon said ‘You definitely will’.
“I think my bigger fear was that it would limit how far I could go in the sport, or that it would change the type of player I was. But I don’t think it did. I think if anything, it has made me a better player.
“I think I’m more resilient now. For something like that to happen to me has given me a better understanding of when things go wrong in a game that I just have to pick myself up and keep going. It has given me bigger-picture resilience.”
There are other complications. She has to be on the case in terms of nutrition. “On training days, I just eat protein and carbs at lunch. I don’t have fibre or anything like that. And I probably drink more electrolyte drinks than everyone else does, but I don’t have a large intestine, so I kind of need it.”
The experience of playing at her first World Cup has, she says, been incredible, and has been made even better because of the support for the game in England. After their opening defeat by the Red Roses, the reality is that the United States’ tournament will effectively be over if they lose to Australia this weekend.
“It’s us or them,” she says. “We need to just back ourselves.”
If anyone knows about doing so, it is Cassidy Bargell.
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ReportWire
ReportWire newsroom contributor.